Showing posts with label Shameless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shameless. Show all posts

Monday, December 19, 2011

My Top 10 TV Shows of 2011

I'm really hoping that with the new year, my zest for, well, anything really, will return, but until then, this blog is going to be pretty sparse. It's not that there isn't plenty to talk about TV wise (the fact that Once Upon a Time just killed off one of the few characters I liked is currently irking me and the fate of Boardwalk Empire sans Jimmy looms large), but I just can't seem to care enough to type. Venting to the kiddies at work is my current outlet. I highly recommend everyone get their coworkers hooked on all the same shows.

Anyhow, in spite of my apathy, I couldn't not put together a top 10 list of the best television programs of the year, and then some significantly pettier, dorkier lists as well. Without further ado, and in no particular order...

MY TOP 10 SHOWS OF 2011

JUSTIFIED
My love for this show knows no bounds, and the fact that it's been rather conspicuously absent from my schedule since March is kind of maddening. That said, the show is finally starting up in about a month and I can't wait. FX has been re-airing the first season and even though I've already seen it at least twice, I couldn't help but watch again. What's more, it didn't even occur to me to fast-forward through the boring or annoying parts because, well, there aren't any. It's not a crazy, fast-paced, explosion a minute kind of show or anything, but I find that I'm simply riveted from beginning to end. While season 1 was fantastic, season 2 brought something even more amazing to the table: Mags Bennet. When you have a cast of characters that includes the likes of the Crowder clan, it's hard to imagine someone stealing the spotlight, but Margo Martindale was electrifying. My one quibble with the show in general is that female characters tend to play the damsel, but the addition of Mags (and Loretta for that matter), balanced the scales in all the best ways. Oh sure, we started the "Oh, for hell's sakes, Winona!" drinking game during her tenure as the dithering damsel with sticky fingers, Mags was there to temper the gender gap. She was layered and warm and terrifying and ruthless and caring, oftentimes all at once. I'm incredibly sad that Mags won't be back for season 3, and her loss, coupled with the loss of Helen and Loretta, the other tremendous female characters on the show, means that we're left with Winona and Ava. If any show has the power to turn them into more than moronic damsels and fluttering love interests, it's Justified, but their treatment of these two thus far gives me pause... That said, the promos have Raylan and Boyd seemingly teaming up, so there's only so much I can worry about.

BREAKING BAD
Once upon a time, when television aficionados would herald the greatness of the medium or defend it against the slings and arrows of critics defaming it as pulp, they would call on The Wire to justify their cause. Now they call on Breaking Bad. This show is just so, so good. This is one of the few shows that I've actually addressed in fair measure lately, so I'll keep this short. Maybe. While it's been a powerhouse of awesome and artistry since day one, I think this most recent season might have been their best yet. The brilliance with which the writers balanced so many different factions, agendas, mental and emotional priorities, political concerns, and kingpins is nothing short of amazing. At any given time, I found myself pulling for someone different, condemning characters I once loved, and exalting the baddest of the bad. Then it would all change in the coming week. The best part of all is that these shifts in my loyalties were not based on the most ostentatious or sensational of events. By contrast, with Breaking Bad, it's the quiet moments that shed the most light and send me reeling. Which isn't to say that the show is lacking in big, insane, WTF moments or anything. There are certainly plenty of those. It's just that with Breaking Bad, a scene with a few guys sitting around a table talking (or a scene with no talking at all) is just as gripping and terrifying as the deadliest shootout, the biggest explosion, or a mass poisoning. This season saw the end of Tio Salamanca (ding! ding! ding!) and Gus Fring, two irreplaceable powerhouses, but I have every confidence that next season will see the introduction of even fiercer, quirkier baddies. In a lot of ways, I think the season 4 finale could have served well as the series finale, but I'm sure glad it wasn't.

REVENGE
Going into every fall pilot season, I have shows that I'm excited about, shows that I know I'll hate, and shows that I'm willing to give a shot, but fully suspect I'll drop them in a couple of weeks. Revenge definitely fell into the third category. Little did I know it would quickly turn into the sudsiest, juiciest, most delectably addictive soap opera to hit TV in years. The first few episodes had me a little worried that I was headed for a revenge procedural, with Emily dispatching of one of her father's foes each week, all wrapped up in a nice little bow. Much to my delight, those early episodes were only setting up the tangle web to come. This show is a soap opera, which is generally used in the pejorative, but there's not guilt in this pleasure. With any genre, there are going to be good ones and bad ones. For genres like "chick flick", "rom com", "soap opera", and "crime procedural", the bad so often outnumber the good that the genre as a whole gets a bad wrap. Well, Revenge may be a soap, but it's a bloody good one. The story-telling is lightning fast, but there's also a long con that sweeps maliciously from episode to episode, tying things tighter and raising the stakes. The characters are surprisingly layered and complex, giving the writers plenty of room to explore not just the outlandish soapy plot elements, but the more intriguing character elements as well. The cast in general is very strong, but my heart belongs to Nolan (which, given my propensity for siding with the smart, snarky game-changer should come as no surprise). Revenge is truly a watercooler show, even in an age when everyone seems to watch shows at different times. With Revenge, you simply can't afford to risk missing it or you'll be subject to 45 minutes of heated discussion without you. I'm not sure where the show is headed in the long run (although I hear a move to New York is in store for season 2), but I'm definitely along for the ride.

BEING HUMAN (UK)
Although the US version tries desperately to keep pace with it's British predecessor, it's an incredibly high bar that it will never surpass. The most recent season of the British version ended many months ago, but it was still one of the first shows to come to mind when compiling this list. Being Human, on paper, has one of the most absurd, campy, tween concepts in town. And yet, the writers brilliantly explore the human condition through werewolves, ghosts, and vampires. Indeed, by looking at what humans are when they aren't human at all, it sheds light on humanity as a whole. This most recent season was brutal and beautiful and heartbreaking. The writers had a plan from day one, plotted and executed it perfectly, and ended right where they should have, even if that was the most devastating place possible. It's months later and I still can't believe Mitchell is truly gone. As the season began, and it was foretold that he would be killed by a werewolf, fans couldn't help but wonder if that werewolf would be George. Against all inclinations to the contrary, as the season concluded, it only made sense that George would end Mitchell's life. It had to be done, I knew it had to be done, but it was devastating for all involved. No matter what Mitchell had done, no matter in how many ways his inhumanity wreaked havoc, he wanted so desperately to be a good person, but it just never happened. Until the bitter end. The wolf-shaped bullet ending his life was, in its own way, the most human thing to have happened. I honestly don't know where the show will go without his handsome mug, but even if it falls apart, I can always remember last season as being something truly special. The US version can try and try all it likes to match the darkness, the brutality, the hilarity, and the humanity of its predecessor, but I can't really fault it for falling short.

SUITS
Last year, almost all of USA Network's line-up got a nod in my "Best Of" list, but this year, only their newest show garners a spot. While one-time favorites slumped, fell by the wayside, or decreased in quality, Suits arose as the banner show for the network. I assumed this would be yet another "blue skies" procedural for the network, taking the exact same principles and elements of their other shows and wrapping them in the guise of "lawyer show," I was very pleasantly surprised to find the network's most adult offering to date. It has "lawyer show" elements, of course, but it's more of a serial than I've ever seen on USA, it takes more chances narratively, and it even adopts the standards and practices for foul language that networks FX and AMC have employed for years. The occasional "shit" may not seem like much, but it marks a shift in terms of tone and audience. I recently noticed that Covert Affairs has taken a similar tack, so I'm hopeful that as the network takes more chances, the quality and originality would follow suit. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed the "blue skies" approach taken by the network, but after a few years, it starts to wear on you with its sameness. For various reasons, USA's other options haven't retained their luster, but the sameness is one of the main factors. Burn Notice has played the same hand for the past three seasons, needing a reinvention sooner than later, In Plain Sight got pregnant and ruined the show, Covert Affairs is somehow surprisingly boring, seeming to have lost its narrative thrust, its sense of direction, and its understanding of its own characters, and Psych is... well, it's Psych. If you've seen one episode, you've seen them all. (White Collar is really the only other show on the network that has upped the ante and kept me totally enthralled.) Suits (oh yeah! we're talking about Suits!) bucks the trend of sameness in the best ways possible. It takes the best elements of the network's shows and adds so much more. Suits isn't afraid to have heroes that do bad things, characters that are unlikable, and real tension. All of this is undercut with an incredibly charming bromance, a lot of laughs, and several ongoing storylines to keep the show from stagnating or stalling. In the best surprise of all, they have crafted characters that are layered and intriguing in surprising ways for this network. Indeed, the show's lead, Harvey Spector, isn't particularly likeable on a number of levels, but that's what makes him so special. He's not the kind of character I usually latch onto, but I'm completely enamored. This kind of connection with characters, and the knowledge that they won't always do what you expect them to, makes for a surprising ride where I genuinely don't know what's going to happen every single minute of every episode. It's a lovely change of pace for USA and one that I hope continues. I can't wait for Suits to come back and have spent the downtime re-watching this year's episodes.

GAME OF THRONES
It honestly took me about half of the first season to really get invested in this show, but once I did, I found myself really looking forward to it week-to-week. Even if it weren't my kind of show, the size and scope and scale of the production should garner it a spot on most lists. My initial qualms with the show stemmed from the seeming marginalization of the female characters. Based on the time and setting, it made sense, but that didn't mean they deserved to be afterthoughts. As the season progressed, however, I was very pleased to see the female characters taking center stage and becoming substantive movers and shakers in the narrative. As the season drew to a close, my qualms were fully assuaged. Rumors of storylines to come have also bolstered my confidence. It's not the easiest show to jump into if you haven't read the books, but I think the writers and producers did a nice job of paring down the cast and explaining who was who in a mostly non-oppressive manner. I have always appreciated a show that's willing to kill people off (as long as it makes sense for the story and isn't to the clear detriment of the show... *cough* Once Upon a Time *cough*), and Game of Thrones does not hold back. I had heard that the characters who start off the series are not the ones you end up with in the end, but this didn't truly hit home until Ned was beheaded. That takes balls. As much as I enjoyed Ned, killing him off was true to form and turned the narrative on its head. That's the kind of storytelling that keeps me on my toes and genuinely surprises me. When all bets are off, there's a terrifying sense of the unknown that I absolutely love and dread with equal measure. For someone who watches as much television as I do, it's not easy to quash my expectations, so when a show manages to achieve such a feat, it gets rewarded with a place on this list. Game of Thrones wasn't perfect, but it came close enough. I'd tune in just for Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish alone, but Robb Stark and Jon Snow don't hurt either. Now that the show has it's legs and a better grasp of how to turn this story into a series, I'm very hopeful that season 2 was be even more sensational that season 1. It'll certainly be just as expensive to produce. Wow, HBO knows how to loosen the purse-strings and I can't thank them enough.

COMMUNITY
No top 10 list would be complete without the best comedy on TV. No, not Modern Family. Indeed, while Community continues to push the boundaries and have me rolling in the aisles for new and surprising reasons each week, Modern Family seems to get more and more boring. I used to really enjoy the show, but more and more, I find myself smiling on occasion, and almost never laughing out loud. This is most delightedly not the case with Community. Most shows on TV can be likened to other contemporaries or predecessors, but Community is genuinely unlike any other show. In any given week, the show somehow manages to combine hilarious gags, clever jokes, erudite allusions, and a hell of a lot of heart with a willingness to play with form and narrative unlike any other show. You truly never know what exactly to expect from Community, whether it be a Spaghetti Western, a musical, an homage to an obscure movie, a parody of an entire genre, a more conventional comedy episode with a splash of anime, or anything and everything in between. They play with storytelling in a way that makes me smile every time. All the while, the show maintains its warmth and heart. The show isn't too cool for school, and it embraces it. Indeed, this collection of characters is probably the most endearing family on TV. Other comedies find themselves hitting the same beats again and again, what with comedy being a genre where true character growth and development is difficult to manage, but Community throws out the rulebook, giving it's characters real journeys to follow all the while making me crack up. I'm heartbroken that NBC has shelved the show until who-knows-when. I realize that the ratings are bad, but so are the ratings of every other show on the network. I don't want to live in a world where dreck like Whitney and dumbass shlock like Two and Half Men survive, but Community gets put on hiatus. Oh, America. You make me sad sometimes. I do hope that NBC keeps sucking just long enough for Community to get another season. They're only about a season away from being able to be sold into syndication, so hopefully NBC will take that into consideration. Come back, Community! Come back!!!

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW doesn't often get a lot of love when it comes to critical acclaim, but more and more, even the hold-outs have had to admit that The Vampire Diaries is one hell of a show. No longer mistakenly thought of as a Twilight rip-off or True Blood lite, The Vampire Diaries has set itself apart as a kickass supernatural thriller. It's storytelling is tight and compelling, giving viewers a thrill-a-minute, tantalizing cliffhangers, and a surprising amount of depth and character advancement. Sure it has its flaws, but ounce for ounce, it's one of the best shows out there. While the last part of season two got a bit muddled with the moonstone and the curse, season 3 has been its best yet. Two of the best aspects of the show are that it's willing to kill off important and beloved characters and if a character doesn't need to be in an episode he/she isn't in it. True Blood could learn a lot from TVD in this regard. TVD blazes through story at a breakneck pace, introducing new characters and killing off others in near equal measure. This keeps the cast from spiraling out of control the way that True Blood has. What's more, the storytelling is tight and interlaced among the characters. While True Blood has about 87 different storylines going at once, half of which have nothing to do with the others, TVD brings everything together in the most tantalizing of possible ways, ending each episode (if not each segment) with a jaw-dropping cliffhanger. There's an insane amount of character history and supernatural mythology that has been doled out over the past two and a half seasons, but somehow the show makes it all work (well, mostly). When Rebekah revealed the history of her family, the origins of werewolves, the original vampires, her brother as a hybrid, the sun and the moon curse, and everything in between, it... actually made a lot of sense! Sure there are certain things that we just kind of ignore, but for the most part, the writers put it altogether in a way that worked. No small feat, that. The show also manages to impart all of that history and mythology in a captivating way. Seriously, where most shows put me to sleep with plot exposition and info dumps, TVD makes those some of their best episodes. Seriously, in a recent episode, the entirety of the actual action that took place was Elena talking to Rebekah while Damon and Stefan hung out. Sounds like a snooze-fest, but it was exciting, revelatory, and fabulous. Best of all? Elena and Stefan, who used to be on the bland and boring side, have become interesting and badass in their own ways. Evil Stefan is even better than I would have guessed and Elena has finally taken some control over her life. Now if we can just kill off Bonnie and Matt, we'll be good to go!

THE GOOD WIFE
This is one show that has received a fair bit of press on this blog (more so than the other deserving entries on this list), but I promise, it's still not enough. That this is one of the best dramas on TV goes against so many factors. The show airs on network TV, said network is CBS of all things, the show features actual adults, it tackles sensitive issues like religion, politics, and money in just about every episode, it's been moved around on the schedule, and it skews older in terms of demographic (for some unknown reason). And yet, it survives. This show is smart and sexy and has more than a few serial elements to it. In a network viewing landscape that has seen the success of one crappy crime procedural after another, The Good Wife bucks the trend. Thank god! Season 2 was absolutely amazing. Seriously, the last 5 or 6 episodes could each have served as the jaw-dropping, gut-wrenching season finale, but they just kept piling on the awesome, episode after episode, culminating in one of the best season finales I've ever seen. So good, in fact, that had the show been unjustly axed after season 2, it could have served as one hell of a send off. Season 3 hasn't quite kept pace with the insanity of the last half of season 2, but it's building slowly and surely. One of the most heartbreaking factors of season 2, Kalinda and Alicia's falling out, reverberates through season 3 in a very real, restrained way. One of the things I've always loved best about the show is that the female characters are allowed to have layers, agendas, and a well-rounded presence on the screen. They're also allowed to be friends. On most shows, women are invariably pitted as sexual rivals. On The Good Wife, as with the real world, women are friends, they support one another, and form complex bonds and relationships with one another. Seeing Kalinda and Alicia, the best of friends, fall apart was devastating, but seeing the slow easing of tensions over season 3 has been incredibly rewarding. This show knows how to hit all the right buttons and it doesn't casually forget about things that have happened before. I'm constantly amazed at how a person, an event, or a piece of information comes back many episodes later like a lightning bolt. This show has an amazing cast, an enviable list of guest stars, and Eli Gold to boot. Alan Cumming is completely magnetic as Eli, but this is so good that even when he's not in an episode, I don't notice until long after the show is done. As with The Vampire Diaries, The Good Wife knows how to economize storytelling. If they don't need a character, they don't have that character. Case closed. (Heh, get it? Case closed? They're lawyers? I'll shut up now.)

SHAMELESS

Any and all US imports of British shows are met with extreme scrutiny and prejudice from this humble TV watcher. The same goes for animated shows being adapted to live action. In general, I simply don't see the point. In most cases, the original is by far the superior and a remake or adaptation seems unnecessary and counter-intuitive. It's with this bias in mind that I'm surprised at how much I grew to love Showtime's US adaptation of Shameless, a raunchy British program that I was honestly not too familiar with. To this day, I've only seen a couple of the episodes of the British series, but to my delight, the US adaptation took the principles of its predecessor, made the show its own, and made it really damn good. It took me a couple of episodes to really invest in the show, finding William H. Macy's character to be more of a hindrance than a celebrity draw, but as the show settled in and found its feet, it managed to craft interesting, complex characters whose interdynamics sucked me right in. At its heart, Shameless is about a family. For all of its dysfunction, and there plenty to go around, at the end of the day, the burdens and traumas they suffer makes them one of the closest knit families on TV. When you're that poor, that desperate, and that downtrodden, all you have is each other. The family simply has to work together just to survive. On a less dire level, I can relate. My family was by no means as bad off as the Gallagher clan, but it was very clear to all of us from a very young age that we don't have the luxury of bickering or fighting or holding petty grudges. We're all in this together, and a lot of the time, that's all we have. In speaking with other people, I'm constantly amazed at how well my family got along, how close we all were (and are), and how willing we are to give relatives money without any expectation of repayment. I always assumed all families were like that when I was a kid, but as it turns out, we were in the minority. Anyhow, with the Gallaghers, this hits home in a number of social, psychological, and financial ways. It was so heartbreaking to watch Fiona, the eldest daughter turned mother, trying to break free of all the responsibility, only to find that she simply couldn't. The last few episodes of the season were tremendous and showed how this kind of close-knit dependence on one another has its wonderful aspects and also its insidious underpinnings. Her siblings want her to go, they know she's paid her dues, but she just can't leave them. What started out as a raunchy dramedy that was trying too hard to be shocking quickly morphed into a searing character piece with the family unit as a whole being the most important single character of all. It's been gone for entirely too long and I can't wait for season 2 to premiere early next year.

**HONORABLE MENTIONS**


Alphas
It's a genre show, but it genuinely managed to put a new spin on an old routine. Most importantly for any genre show, it focused on the characters as much as the storyline, so that helped turn it into quite a quality program by the end of its first season.

The Chicago Code

Gone, but not forgotten. I'm not a huge fan of cop shows, but this one was excellent. It's ratings weren't spectacular, but they were steady and decent. This show really had Fox's once chance at any kind of dramatic critical acclaim, but they opted for poorly crafted CG dinosaurs and a bickering family that just refused to get eaten by them instead. Boo.

Nikita
Season 2 hasn't quite had the same focus or narrative drive as season 1, but this show is still a solid genre show that knows how to craft a spy thriller. Covert Affairs should take notice. This show is 15 times more entertaining and exciting on 1/10th the budget. Where Covert Affairs is so bland this year the background is more interesting than the story, Nikita takes what it has and makes the most of it.

Hell on Wheels
I'm... not entirely sure why I'm enjoying this show so much. Nothing... really... happens. But, I find I get swept up in whatever is happening on screen and I don't seem to mind that over the course of several episodes, we've basically built 10 feet of railroad and... ridden some horses? Whatever the reason, I'm digging it.

Boardwalk Empire
If my list above were a top 11, this would have made the cut. It made last year's list, but their second season took a lot time to really get me enthralled. I got several episodes behind because I just didn't feel very invested anymore, but once I got caught up, I could appreciate that in a number of ways, it was better than ever.

White Collar
Aside from Suits, this is really the only other USA network offering that I'm excited about. This last year the show hit quite a stride, and while there were some casting decisions I still can't believe, on the whole, this is a light, fun caper with enough depth to keep me eagerly anticipating its return next month. And then, of course, there's Matt Bomer, so it may as well be a freeze-frame for 42 minutes and I'd be just as pleased.

Aside from my overall top shows of the year (and well-deserving honorable mentions), there were some other odds and ends and categories that I just had to include in my year-end review as well. Here are some random judgments and dubious distinctions...

Shows that Showed Signs of Recovery Only to Flatline Once Again:
  • Glee
    After the craptastic second season, I had pretty low expectations for season 3. When the season started off and seemed to have gained a slight grasp of continuity and storytelling, I was ready to put this in the Most Improved Show category... Until a few episodes ago when it all got shitty again. Seriously, that Christmas episode was even more painful than usual.

  • How I Met Your Mother
    Started off a bit better than expected, but then Lily and Marshall got pregnant, then Robin got pregnant, or didn't... oh, who the hell cares. It was awful either way.

Worst Hair and/or Clothes:

  • Robin (How I Met Your Mother)
    Apparently barrenness leads to hideous hair and horrible wardrobe choices? That's all I can guess, because why else would they make her look that way?

  • The Entire Cast (Parenthood)
    Okay, maybe not the entire cast, but I think it's safe to say they hit critical mass about 3 characters back. When you hit 80%, is there any real reason to split hairs? (Heh, get it? Oh lord, that pun was almost as bad as Haddie's permed bangs... sorry about that.)

  • Dr. Reid (Criminal Minds)
    Not going to lie, he's the reason I started watching the show. His look and persona were a huge part of the draw. Now he has this unfortunate fuzzy, choppy something or other on his head and it just takes the charm away...

  • Rachel (Glee)
    The storytelling wasn't the only casualty during season 2...

Best Chemistry:
  • Damon and Elena (The Vampire Diaries)
    A lot of real-life couples fall flat on screen, but these two totally sizzle. Seriously, that (fully-clothed) scene where he ran his hand along her ribs was sexier than some of the most explicit sex scenes I've seen.

  • Eli and Kalinda (The Good Wife)
    They may not be sleeping together (that I know of... that would be kind of awesome, actually), but the rapport between Alan Cumming and Archie Panjabi is completely irresistible. Eli's chemistry with just about anyone is giggle-worthy and fabulous, but with Kalinda, he sees a true peer. He doesn't bullshit her the way he does other people and she doesn't try to manipulate him the way should would someone else. The professional courtesy is hilarious and undeniable.

  • Nolan and Tyler (Revenge)
    These two are both so conniving, so manipulative, and so driven that it's hard to know just what to make of them as a pair, but one thing is for sure, their chemistry is sexy as hell. Although Tyler might claim otherwise, I'm guessing they're both about a 3 on the Kinsey scale, so anything goes. Their couple portmanteau is "TyleNol" by the way, which is just about the best I've ever seen.

Speaking of Magnetism on Screen, Here are My Irrational TV Crushes of 2011:
  • Robb Stark (Game of Thrones)
    It took me a while to really connect with the show, but his presence among the cast was never an equivocal one.

  • Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad)
    Aaron Paul is such a tremendous actor that yes, I kinda sorta really adore a murderer/drug dealer. I mainly just want to give the guy a hug. He certainly needs one.

  • Harvey Specter (Suits)
    As I mentioned above, I'm a little surprised by this one, but Gabriel Macht is just beautiful and he manages to make a slick, corporate, 1 percenter unbelievably sexy.

  • Johnny Iuzzini (Top Chef: Just Desserts)
    Love him. Aside from being talented, charming, and easy on the eyes, he's a bit of a gay icon and he's totally fine with that (even though he's straight). That wins him a hell of a lot of points in my book. Rather than being threatened by attention from the gay community, he embraces it. WIN.

  • Seymour Birkoff (Nikita)
    I know, I know, of all the beautiful people on that show, I'm in love with the snarky computer nerd. That's just how I roll. Not that Michael or Owen or Ryan or anyone else isn't a winner, but my heart belongs to Birkoff.

  • Nikita (Nikita)
    Okay, it belongs to Birkoff or Nikita. It's a toss-up. Maggie Q is amazing. She simply could not be any more fabulous. Or badass. Or gorgeous. Could I be her when I grow up? Pretty please? Ooh, or Kalinda!

  • Hardison (Leverage)
    It's a mid-level show, to be sure, but Hardison makes it all worth it. He's far and away the best part of the show and certainly the easiest to look at.

  • Mitchell (Being Human UK)
    Goddamn, he's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, he slaughtered a train full of people... Still beautiful. Sometimes, it's what's on the outside that counts.

  • Paulo (The Borgias)
    Okay, I admit his hair is not doing him any favors, but that's what you get when you're cast in a period piece. That said, Luke Pasqualino will always be Freddie to me and that's really all it takes. My darling Freddie (sob). Love him. Unfortunate historically-accurate haircut and all.

  • Nolan (Revenge)
    He may not be the most conventionally attractive guy on the show, but for me, personality, character, and intelligence count for about 80%. Being a 3 on the Kinsey scale certainly doesn't hurt either.

  • Tim Gutterson (Justified)
    His character is pretty much the exact opposite of what I would ever really want, but I just adore him. Seriously, a law enforcement officer with a history in the military? Yikes. And yet, his manner is so appealing and his demeanor so chill, I just can't help myself.

  • Jai Wilcox (Covert Affairs)
    Sure it took me an entire season to stop calling him Mohinder, but that in no way diminishes the pretty. It's a very attractive cast in general (you know, as opposed to all those shows with ugly people), but he takes the cake. Not that he'd be able to eat it, but still. It may be a boring show, but the scenery is nice.

  • Damon (The Vampire Diaries)
    No list of TV crushes would be complete without Damon Salvatore making an entry. It's a plain and simple fact that's beyond reproach or argument.

Well, kiddies, I think that's it for me this year. I'm hoping to be less of a slacker as the new year begins, but I excel at not giving a shit. We'll see. Happy viewing!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Ask Matt

Someday I'll actually get back to maintaining this blog as I have in the past, but that might be a couple weeks off. Till then, my favorite television critic, Matt Roush, has included a couple of my questions in his weekly column. I know that I've sung his praises on numerous occasions, so I'll try to rein this in, but he really is one of my most trusted sources. He has excellent taste and makes wonderful suggestions, critiques, and observations. And, he's not currently dying, so he's considerably better at keeping up with his site than I. Here's the latest:

Question: Showtime's drama Shameless started off a little shaky and uneven in my opinion, but as the show found its footing, it really turned into a fine ensemble drama. As season 1 came to a close, the overall quality, narrative drive and character dynamics drew me in in ways I hadn't expected. That said, I was a little disappointed with the season finale. Where episodes like "But at Last Came a Knock" and "Nana Gallagher Had an Affair" had me chomping at the bit (and my fingernails), the finale seemed a little anticlimactic. I guess after the season they've had, I expected the stakes to be a lot higher in the end. There really were some lovely and interesting moments, but overall, it just didn't seem to pack the narrative punch of previous episodes. 

In the plus column, Emmy Rossum (Fiona) has proven to be a surprise power-player, outshining the likes of William H. Macy. I was also quite impressed by scene-stealers Cameron Monaghan (Ian) and Jeremy Allen White (Lip), whose individual storylines were second only to their joint storylines. Most surprising of all would have to be Emma Kenney's turn as Debbie. I'm generally not too fond of child actors, but pound for pound, the pint-sized 10-year-old had more classic one-liners than anyone else on the show. The finale didn't strike a chord the way I had expected (as the camera panned away from Fiona, I honestly thought it would reveal someone or something surprising on the street — it just didn't sit right for the episode to be ending), but overall, I think Shameless turned into one of my favorite programs. Anyway, I haven't heard much about the show in your column in quite a while and I'm wondering if you stuck with it past the iffy early episodes and what you thought of its freshman season if you did. — Lacy

Matt Roush: I haven't made it yet to the end of what seemed to be a very uneven freshman season for Shameless — though since it was renewed, I will probably catch up with some of the episodes (perhaps the ones you singled out) before its return — but I agree with you 100% that the remarkable Emmy Rossum and her scruffy siblings were the best reason to watch.

Question: I was thrilled to see that you're enjoying The Killing as much as I am. It's dark and serious and understated, but utterly compelling. With the tone of the show in mind, I was wondering what you think of the interactive online fan-builder touted at the end of the show. Maybe I'm just taking the show too seriously, but I think it's completely misguided, and although I realize that this is fiction, it almost seemed insensitive to the Larsen family in a way. Maybe it was just that the voice pitching the online features was too enthusiastic or something, but after a truly haunting couple of episodes, it struck me as extremely odd.

 I think the producers are kidding themselves if they think viewers who just watched the devastation of these characters and who have embraced the macabre nature of the subject matter would want to excitedly hop online to trade theories with other fans, view suspect profiles, and worse of all, take a virtual tour of Rosie's bedroom. Seriously? How twisted is that? Take a tour of her room? You mean the room where her mother, near catatonic with grief, is huddled on her late daughter's bed, clutching Rosie's last earthly possessions because that's all she has left? That room? Um, no thanks.

I can understand where the producers (or the network or whoever is behind it) were hoping that The Killing might turn into watercooler gossip the following morning, with fans discussing "Who killed Rosie Larsen?" with as much fervor as the ad campaign clearly hopes, but I just don't see that happening. This isn't the bizarre fate of Laura Palmer, the soap opera pursuit of who shot JR, or even the quirky teen noir of Veronica Mars, and I really can't imagine gabbing with friends about the fate of Rosie Larsen. This production is a searing character piece with haunting undertones, looking at the ramifications of a young girl's agonizing death, not a sudsy whodunit. Rather than a "watercooler fodder" type of show, it seems more like a "stare blankly out a window and ponder the cruelty and brevity of life" kind of show. Am I just putting way too much gravity on this or do you think the advertising strategy is off the mark? — Lacy

Matt Roush: I admit, I wasn't even aware of this gimmick. Getting screeners in advance, I'm not always watching the on-air broadcast of a show like this, and I don't pay much attention to the marketing/hype that surrounds it. But this does sound tone deaf, to say the least. Might be suitable for something as goofily pervy as Pretty Little Liars, but The Killing is for adults. Still, it's the sort of thing that it seems to me can easily be tuned out — and maybe there is a dedicated mystery-fan following that will want to play along. I can't really blame AMC for trying to make some noise with this show and to milk their investment with ancillary online tie-ins, but I agree this creepy story is much grounded in realism than Twin Peaks with its wacky cast of characters, and this voyeuristic approach may smack many as being of bad taste. My advice: Put the TV on mute when it goes to these promos and wallow in the emotion, not the promotion.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Week-In-Review 4.1

And the slimminess of the pickens keeps on keepin' on... A lot of shows which have been on hiatus return next week, so things are looking up, but holy hell, if that last month hasn't been a slog. I'm starting to forget what The Vampire Diaries and Nikita even look like.

Best Cult Name
: The Church of Earth…Wind and Fire on Being Human (UK)

This show has more than its fair share of dark moments, but it balances it out with hilarity. “I was in the cult? I was in the cult, yes.”

English to English Dictionary Addition of the Week: “Pikey” on Being Human (UK)
A “pikey” is basically the British equivalent of trailer trash, as I recently found out. As per urbandictionary.com, it’s from the English "turnpike", the place where itinerant travelers and thieves would camp near a settlement. And, from the film Snatch, they apparently have their own unintelligible language that “isn't English, it isn't Irish, it's just Pikey.” Learn something new every day.

Question You Never Want to Have to Ask
: “What’s the age of consent for the state of Illinois?” on Shameless

Sorry Frank, that ship has sailed. It’s half-way to Fiji by now. Or, even worse, en route to Eddie’s and Lip’s email inboxes.

Worst Way to Go
: Eddie Jackson on Shameless
Well, shit. I can think of a lot of good ways to kill yourself, but strapping cinderblocks to your legs and hopping into a frozen lake? Not at the top of my list… Presumably the freezing water would kill you quicker, and maybe he’s hoping his body is never found for some reason, but still.

Best Closet Exit: Ian finally tells Fiona that he’s gay on Shameless
It’s pretty clear that Ian and Lip have the closest bond of any of the siblings, but I like to think that Fiona knew Ian was gay well before Lip did. “Fiona, I’m gay,” he apprehensively blurts out. “I know,” she simply replies. Fiona may not be his best friend in the house the way that Lip is, but she’s his sister, and his mother basically, and in terms of knowing that someone is gay, sisters and mothers are usually the first to know.

Most Welcomed Return
: Nurse Jackie

Oh, how I’ve missed you. It was a little strange going into season 2. After the suicidal events of the season 1 finale, I expected season 2 to be very different, but it wasn’t. I mean, it took things down a different path in many ways, just not the ones I expected. With season 3, however, the game has definitely been changed. Both Kevin and O’Hara know the truth, and Jackie is reeling. Biggest change of all? Jacks passes on the opportunity to purloin a fallen Percocet. I can’t wait to see where things go from here. I still miss Mo-mo though. Always will.

Mini Let-Down of the Week: Castle
It was honestly one of their stronger A-plots, but as you know, A-plots do not a series make in my opinion. This episode just didn’t seem to have the snap, crackle, and pop of others. I didn’t even pull out any funny quotes for the end of this post. I don’t think that’s ever happened before… In the plus column though, the very end where Castle basically dupes Beckett into going on a date with him was adorable. Best part of the episode, hands down.

Most Shameless Product Placement
: Castle

Okay, I don’t actually know what kind of phone or what apps Castle was using, but the promotion was pretty shameless and annoying. At first, when he used his phone to track Alexis’ position, I was willing to go with it as simply a plot point. The next several times, complete with close-up views of his phone, were not so forgivable. He uses a different phone every week, so this comes as little surprise really, but it’s never been so blatant before. I guess I should be grateful that the integrations were pretty well integrated. White Collar could take some pointers from this. If you simply must use integrated product placement, at least make it make a modicum of sense.

Most Depressing Ratings News
: Body of Proof does better than The Good Wife

I realize it was a series premiere and that it will likely drop off next week, but still. The thought that anyone would choose yet another crime procedural over the best drama on network TV is just depressing as hell.

Biggest Storm a’ Brewin’ (Chicago Division): The Good Wife
Man alive, the noose just keeps getting tighter and tighter and it’s making me more and more nervous with each passing episode. The revelation that Peter slept with Kalinda has the potential to uproot just about every character on the show, if not destroy them entirely. Peter’s bid for State’s Attorney, Kalinda’s secret identity, Alicia’s entire existence… Things are about to get crazy. Well, crazier.

Biggest Storm a’ Brewin’ (Whoop-de-doo Division): Justified
First thing, ten-gallon hats off to Justified (and to FX) for its third season pick-up. Secondly, with the current season getting better and better week-to-week, I can only imagine how awesome that third season will be. Between the Bennets, the Givenseseses, Black Pike, Boyd, and Art’s suspicions of Raylan, we have one hell of a nailbiter on our hands (heh, get it? nailbiter, hands? sorry).

Best Performance
: Margo Martindale on Justified

This show is always firing on all cylinders, and has a cast that can rise to the challenge, but the addition of Margo Martindale has upped everyone’s games considerably. Emmy voters, take notice. She didn’t just win over the town with her oration about “the spoil,” she solidified her place on my ballot.

Best Win: Richard Blais on Top Chef All Stars
Saints be praised, and hallelujah! He was my pick to win from day one, but I’ll be damned if the show didn’t make it look like Mike Isabella might take it home. I’m pretty sure Blais would have simply collapsed and died on the spot if he’d lost, so it’s for the best on a number of levels. Speaking of Blais, I came across an article in the Hollywood Reported titled “5 Things to Know About New Top Chef Winner Richard Blais”. It went on to say, “here are five things you might not know about him…” First on the list? He uses liquid nitrogen when he cooks. Um, I hate to break it to the people at the Hollywood Reporter, but anyone who would be reading this article would know that. Indeed, in a contest between knowing his first name or knowing that he uses liquid nitrogen, believe me, more people will know about the liquid nitrogen.

Sorest Loser
: Mike from Top Chef All Stars

Okay, seriously, what happened to you as a child that you turned out like this? The eye-rolling, the excuses, the bravado… someone needs to just shoot the bastard. Look, Mike, I realize you must have been beat up as a child, a lot, but that’s no excuse. I’ve never seen someone so insecure in my life, and I just watched an entire season of Richard Blais having panic attacks.

Lamest and Most Obvious Plea to Viewers
: Criminal Minds

Oh, Criminal Minds. Don’t fire two beloved actresses and then pretend that the audience is just being whiny when they cry foul. This latest episode opens begins with, well, a horrific death of course, but right after that, we see Penelope staring at a picture of Prentiss on the wall, which prompts Morgan to say, “Prentiss wouldn’t want us to sulk. […] She would also want us to embrace Seaver.” This thinly veiled plea to the audience to just get over it all ready was more annoying than convincing. JJ and Prentiss were two of the best aspects of the show, and to summarily fire them within weeks of each other was a serious blow. On top of that, Seaver could not possibly be any more boring, or more damningly, completely useless to the team. Honestly, she was vaguely helpful for that one episode where her life-experience actually aided the team, but since then? She’s a total waste of space and no scolding from the writers of the show is going to convince me otherwise. How do I know for sure that losing Prentiss and adding Seaver was a bad move? This last episode was one of the most boring episodes I’ve ever seen. The dynamic among the group is just plain dull these days. Here’s hoping they add someone who actually brings something to the table (you know, like a gun with which to shoot Seaver).

**Quotes of the Week**

“The #burnnotice ep we're working on is too hard. So instead of an ep, shirtless Michael just blows something up and we'll call it a day. Ok?”
--Burn Notice showrunner Matt Nix, via twitter. Dear Matt, that works for me.

“I don't need or want ur apology...I want your kidney dude. ‘On behalf of ur X and all the women uv insulted...give it back.’”

--Kirstie Alley, responding to George Lopez calling her a pig and referring to the fact that Lopez divorced his wife five years after she donated one her kidneys to him.

“No magic (unless you count how Romans in Hollywood always magically sound British).”
--Entertainment Weekly, taking a tally of the various aspects of new epic TV shows like Camelot, Game of Thrones, and The Borgias. The Borgias doesn’t have much in the way of magic, but a hell of a lot of English Spaniards and English Italians. I’ll never understand why the hell they do that, but it’s distracting. The French guy sounded French, after all…

“Lowest Common Denominator Continues To Plummet: The lowest common denominator (LCD), the leading cultural indicator for American mass-market tastes, continued its precipitous drop last week, fueling worries about the future of the U.S. marketplace for ideas and stoking fears of a long-term cultural recession.”
--The Onion, which, I have to assume, is talking about Body of Proof’s impressive ratings versus The Good Wife. The plummeting LCD is one of the primary reasons I’ve started importing more and more TV goods.

“I’ve got an axe I can drop on your head at any moment. Why would I give that up?”

--Nurse Jackie, letting Sam know exactly who she is and how she operates.

“You broke my heart, Jacks.”

--O’Hara on Nurse Jackie. Jackie has been breaking the audience’s heart for two seasons now, but seeing it hit the people around her hurts even more.

Ian: “If I get convicted, I can’t enlist.”
Lip: “What?”
Ian: “In the Marines.”
Lip: “Good. I was planning on kneecapping you in your sleep to keep you out of Kandahar anyway.”

--Shameless, regarding Lip and Ian’s recent arrest for grand theft auto. As is a surprise to no one, in spite of Lip’s determination to keep Ian out of Kandahar, he takes full blame for the crime so that Ian won’t be convicted.

“It’s like when a storm is over. Is it happiness? Or is it just relief?”
--Alicia on The Good Wife, being very Epicurean, and sadly delusional. Oh, Alicia. If you only knew. Wait, strike that, please don’t ever know.

“Didja know that Dana Delany's supposed to be brilliant on #BodyOfProof? Cause the show didn't hammer that point AT ALL.”
--Television Without Pity, via twitter, summing up the annoyance that was Body of Proof in 140 characters or less.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Week-In-Review 3.4

Okay, yeah, so March can't end any sooner. The dearth of new programming is starting to take a serious toll, people. April usually fares a bit better, and then, of course, May is sweeps. Lousy Smarch programming... Honestly, when there's only one new show to watch on a Thursday, you know you're in trouble.

Worst Costume Design/Most Frightening New Pilot: Wonder Woman
Wow, I hardly even know where to start with this particularly train wreck... Man alive, I was worried for this reboot before I saw the costume design courtesy of Entertainment Weekly. Now? "Yikes" just doesn't quite seem to do it justice... It looks to be even worse than I’d feared. I guess it’s good to know that Howie’s Halloween Bargain Bin is getting some much needed business though… Seriously, it could not look any cheaper and couldn’t make Adrianne Palicki look any worse. She’s actually a very pretty girl (check her out as Tyra Collette on Friday Night Lights for a shocking comparison), but with dark hair and the smashed breasts make her look terrible. Her face looks oddly mannish here, which, for a character by the name of Wonder Woman, probably isn’t the direction they were hoping for. I’m going to have to side with TWoP on this one. “Days later and we still think that Adrianne Palicki would have been better off in some Wonder Woman underroos.” I'm not sure how appointed David E. Kelley as the head of this disaster, but between him and this costume, I'm afriad. Very afriad.

Best Casting Choice: Ian’s Biological Father on Shameless
Um, wow. Nicely done, casting director person! Seriously, I’m guessing Cameron Monaghan’s actual father doesn’t look that much like him. Freaky.

Least Believable Knowledge Gap: Robin on HIMYM
I actually thought the concept of everyone having a “knowledge gap” was pretty entertaining, but after several years of establishing Robin as a Canadian who misses being up north, the thought of her not knowing that the North Pole is a real place is ridiculous, even for this show. And not knowing that reindeer are real? Absurd. There are a billion gaps they could have given her, but for some reason they settled on the most unbelievable of them all. Did the writers do this on purpose to make Robin look even dumber than we thought, or did they casually forget who the character is entirely? Who knows.

Best Pick-Up News: Southland
I wouldn’t say this is my favorite show by any stretch, but it’s a quality program with incredible performances week-to-week and deserves another season. Anything to stick it to NBC for canceling them in such a shady way in the first place is a win in my book.

Somehow, Most and Fewest Eliminations: The Biggest Loser
I have never really cared for this show, but various people in my office watch it, so I caved. I hate being on the outside of a conversation, so I figured I’d tune in for the fast-forwarded version. I did that for a few weeks, but then my scheduling got too full and I had to bail on it. Well, with March upon us and reruns in full swing, I finally got back to it. After this long, I assumed I’d see maybe 6, considerably thinner contestants left. Well, everyone was thinner, but there were still 11 people left. And if that weren’t enough, they brought back another one! And then they eliminated a guy who didn’t want to go home, and kept a girl who did. I realize they’re trying to make things more exciting here, but it’s mostly just lame. And at the rate they keep bringing people back, the season will end sometime around Christmas. Of next year.

Best Shipper Name: Esplainie on Castle
You know, because they’re always “esplaining” things. Solid gold.

Best Meta References: Castle
Speaking of shippers, hats off to Castle for addressing the crazy fans out there head-on, and in the most charming way possible. They somehow managed to take on obsessive shippers, bloggers who rail against the shows they love, and the fervor over their own will-they-or-won’t-they setup, all without pissing off anyone who actually falls into those categories. Well played.

Shittiest Luck: Basically the entire cast of Shameless
Boy, this just keep going from bad to worse for these people. This week’s episode set the dominoes in place, and in the finale few minutes, nudged that first one into the next. Sunday’s finale promises a wide array of crazy as the rest come tumbling down. Oh, Officer Tony. Way to go, champ. Surely sending Lip and Ian to jail is the way into Fiona’s pants, right?

Second Shittiest Luck: Winona and Raylan on Justified
Last week’s episode felt a little out of place and kind of like a filler episode, but when you combine it with this week’s denouement, it turns out that it was actually a thrilling two-parter that should have been aired on the same night. After last week, I was a little skeptical about how things played out. Why the hell would Winona have taken a single bill to the bank to see if it was real? Was she going to go back for the rest? That’s a terrible plan! Well, with this week’s episode, it all makes a lot more sense. She took the whole lot first thing, intending on spending it, then realized that perhaps the reason it was in lock-up for so long was that it was counterfeit. That’s why she went to the bank with the one bill, then changed her mind as she realized the ramifications of showing up at a bank with a fake bill. This in no way means her actions weren’t incredibly stupid, but at least there’s a rationale behind it. Man alive, the payoff in this week’s episode was well-worth the ambivalence over last week’s. In true Hitchcockian brilliance, the audience becomes a co-conspirator with Raylan and Winona as they try desperately to put that money back where it came from without getting caught. With the audience being the only ones privy to every moment, it became unbearably nerve-wracking as their every attempt failed, then was one-upped with even more danger. So great. And, while lesser shows would have put us through all that and then had them get away scot free, Justified gives us some resolution without the rose-colored glasses. Winona gets the money back into evidence, but not without Art Mullen becoming slightly suspicious of our good friend Raylan. I’m just so glad I can breathe again now that the money has been taken care of that I’m more than happy to live with a little unsubstantiated suspicion.

In Related News, Most Terrifying Performance by an Inanimate Object: Winona’s stupid, ugly, incriminating bag on Justified
I must have thought to myself, “Oh, for hell’s sake, Winona!” at least a hundred times because of that bag…

Most Deafening Silence/Longest Elevator Ride Ever: Justified
After enduring an entire episode of unbridled anxiety, the money is returned, Winona’s leather bag is empty, but that’s only just the beginning. Wow, I wouldn’t have wanted to have been in that elevator after all that. Really, after something like this, what do you say? What can you say?

Slumpiest Sophomore Year: Modern Family
This week’s episode was better than the last several, but that must mean that the bar has been lowered considerably from season 1. I’ve never been as over-the-moon about this show as most people (finding it to be more amusing than uproarious), but in season 1, I walked away from most episodes with a few hi-larious quotes and several memorable moments. This season? It’s more medium-larious than anything else and on a far less frequent basis. I guess I’m just not finding a whole lot to latch onto this year. Long story short, where Community has upped its game in season 2, Modern Family has declined. Community has always been a better comedy, but now, the gap is more noticeable than ever.

Biggest Dick: Mike on Top Chef All-Stars
Can I tell you how irked I am that he’s in the finale? Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather see Blais trounce him than Antonia, but that also means that we have to see yet another episode of Mike and his insufferableness. He’s suck a prick. Even when he’s trying to be complimentary, he’s a bastard. Way to undercut Chef Bernstein by specifying that she’s “one of the top women chefs,” rather than simply “one of the top chefs” in the country. Nice back-handed praise for one of the guest judges there, jackass. I swear to god, if he wins this, fans will revolt. Come on Blais, don’t you dare choke… you know, like you did the last time (why yes, yes I will continue to pour salt in that wound if I think it'll motivate him to suck less this time around!)

Strangest, Yet Ridiculously Common Pronunciation: Jaguar on Top Model
I don’t know where people get this idea, but I have heard more than a few people over the years pronounce “jaguar” as “jag-wire”. It’s not even kind of spelled like that and in spite of my best efforts to find a dictionary out there that has that as an alternate pronunciation, I fell short. There are only two pronunciations of “jaguar” that I’ve ever come across in a dictionary. “Jag-wahr” and the chiefly British “jag-yoo-ar”. I’ll happily take either. Not that I should be expecting much from top model contestants, but this weirdness extends beyond just them. So weird.

Best Mash-Up: Pulp Fiction and My Dinner with Andre on Community
I love this show. Best comedy on TV. I’ve never actually seen My Dinner with Andre, but now I might just have to. “I’ll never forget My Dinner with Andre dinner with Abed.” Classic. Only this show could managed to blend two such disparate movies into a TV show that's not only hilarious, but also has emotional depth. Impressive.

Best New Acronym: THL—Tight Heavy Lid
Courtesy of Community, of course. Should prove useful...

**Quotes of the Week**

“You shouldn't have to do fucking Glee…. The guy is so offended that we're not, like, begging to be on his fucking show. Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee. ... I watched 10 minutes. It's not my thing.”
--Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters. I couldn’t agree more. I enjoy Glee well enough (although this season has been rough), but I find myself thinking a little less of certain musicians who allow their music to be used on the show. If I had my way, they’d do almost nothing but showtunes, which showcase the cast’s talents the best and which help tell a story a whole lot better. Sorry Ryan Murphy, but I’m with Dave on this one. Stop being such a baby and taking offense when you get turned down.

“Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date”
--The Onion makes my day.

“We call this color: I was saying Royal Blue-urns.”
--Shirt Woot, making my day with a reference only true blue-urns Simpsons fans will appreciate.

Martha: “After my character married his character, Joseph Fox, she was kidnapped, buried alive, trapped in a cave with bears, uh, kidnapped again, and held hostage in the sewers of Paris.”
Beckett: “How long were you on the show?”
Martha: “Three weeks.”
--Castle, regarding Martha's stint on a daytime soap.

“George. I choose you.”
--Mitchell on Being Human (UK), who keeps breaking my heart. I’m afraid for the rest of this season, peeps. Very afraid.

Alicia: “It’s my daughter. She thinks I drink too much.”
Kalinda: “You know what your problem is?”
Alicia: “I don’t drink enough?”
Kalinda: “You didn’t get your tubes tied.”
--The Good Wife. Word. (Sorry, Jahn, I know you like Grace.)

Alicia: “You crossed the line.”
Eli: “…Which one?”
--The Good Wife. I don’t talk about him much, but Eli Gold is one of the best characters on TV. It makes the frequent absences of Chris Noth a little easier to endure. Alan Cumming, you’re my hero. Or, as my brother would say, “Nightcrawler really deserves his own show.” Agreed.

"There's nothing clear about the air around coal."
--Probably the most prophetic and subtly pointed lines ever spoken on Justified.

Raylan: “He has had my back on two occasions. Once was the last day I was in the mine, and the other, not so long ago.”
Carol: “My, that sounds like a love story.”
--Justified, pointing out what the audience already knows. This show may be about a lot of things, but the relationship between Boyd and Raylan takes the cake.

“He will be amazing & adored, then Fox will cancel him after 14 eps.”
--Nathan Fillion, via twitter, responding to tradertiki’s comment, “My wife and I just named our son Malcolm Reynolds....”

“And all the while there was Winona's tan leather bag, brimming with stacks of smirking Benjamin Franklins, mocking us at every turn. Just sitting there. Like a bag. But it was anything but a bag. It's always fantastic when an inanimate object becomes a central character in a show or film, and halfway through the episode I wanted to punch that bag in its non-existent face or roughly pull its zipper back and forth until it caught on something and got stuck. Take that, bag!”
--Tim Surette on TV.com, expressing my thoughts toward Winona’s bag far more eloquently than I could.

“Cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.”
--Abed on Community, noting the awesomeness of his friends’ Pulp Fiction costumes. Cool to the fifth, really. I loved how earlier in the episode Annie had said that they’d get at least five “cools” from Abed, and then they did.

Troy [near sobbing]: “They said market price! WHAT MARKET ARE YOU SHOPPING AT?!”
--Community. I always love the little… geez, what do you call those little scenes at the end of a show that come after the narrative has already been wrapped up? Well, whatever they’re called, Community does them better than anyone. They always leave you will a hilarious little nugget to hold onto.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Week-In-Review 3.3

For a random week in March without a ton of new shows, this post certainly did get ridiculously long. I'm going to have to seriously cut back come finale season. Sheesh, these are getting out of hand.

Mind-Blowing Realization of the Week: Emily Prentiss is Kathy from Friends?!
Holy shit, peeps, I still can’t believe it. I have seen every episode of Criminal Minds and every episode of Friends (about 12 times), but I never put the Paget Brewster connection together. I was watching an old episode of Friends (the one where Chandler thinks his actress girlfriend Kathy is cheating on him) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s Prentiss!!! I can’t believe I never realized it before. In my defense, she looks completely different now, but still. I’m usually so good at this. They might just revoke my professional television status after a blunder like this… (And no, I have no idea who “they” is, but I hear they’re ruthless…)

Poorest Second Showing: Breakout Kings
I had hoped that the show would improve after a mediocre pilot, but instead, it got even worse. It very quickly went from “seriously flawed, but with potential” to “seriously unwatchable”. Episode two was simply awful. I will not be giving this sucker a third week. The writing it just plain terrible. This is the kind of concept that should have been very easy to make a decent show out of, but they failed hook, line, and sinker. They seem to be having a ridiculously difficult time finding anything for these convicts to do. Seriously, Jimmi Simpson’s eccentric genius is the only one who even kind of helps, and even then, that’s barely even some of the time. At other times, he’s making brilliant deductions about the new token hot chick. “If you were really a breaking and entering expert, you would have helped open that locked trunk.” You mean the trunk that had been burned up in the fire, so that other guy easily broke the lock off with one good hit of an axe handle? That trunk? Exactly how many people do you think it takes to hit a lock? Do you really think it would have been a better use of everyone’s time for her to have picked a $2 pad lock rather than just breaking the damn thing? Stupid. Incredibly stupid. There are a million ways the writers could have subtly constructed a scene that would have exposed New Token Hot Chick as a liar, but that had to be the absolute lamest way. When you’re working within a genre that is this unbelievably popular, you have to do it well. Incredibly well. With each passing scene, I grew more and more annoyed that some other TV crime fighting team wasn’t on the case. The Criminal Minds crew would have solved this ages ago, and in a much more believable way. The writing on this show is just lazy, ridiculous, and boring. It’s also…

The Show Most Clearly Written By Men, More Men, and Only Men: Breakout Kings
It’s generally a safe bet that the entire creative team of a show is comprised of men when the male characters on the show are allowed to be completely unappealing, but the women are all insanely hot, even if that doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. The Original Token Hot Chick at least had a reason to be that hot (she was a grafter and a former beauty queen (you know, because that’s not the kind of backstory a bunch of men would come up with at all)), but the New Token Hot Chick? Ha! Her name is Erica, apparently (of course her name is Erica), and she’s billed as this badass tough chick who learned the ways of bounty hunting from her father (because the only way women can become good at anything but cooking and laundry is if they learn it from their father or brothers, you know) and then avenged his death by killing 5 guys (allegedly)… all while sporting flawless make-up and pink, shiny lip gloss. Seriously, it was ridiculous. Straight out of prison and she looks like she just fell out of a Gucci ad. I might have been more forgiving if her clothes had been impeccable as well (maybe high-end is just how she rolls), but no, her clothes were shabby and sloppy, which made the beauty make-up stand out even more (and for all the wrong reasons). Oh sure, the men on the show are allowed to look the part, but the women sure aren’t. Even their tech analyst (their Penelope Garcia, if you will) is gorgeous. Not as heavily made-up, but still far too attractive for the role. I’m not saying these characters should be hideous, but if you insist on super models, at least try to make them look the part.

Worst Set Design: America’s Next Great Restaurant
Ha! Okay, I know no one really watches this show (and I can see why, it has some serious conceptual problems), but I simply must comment on the set. Okay, literally, for the elimination at the end of the episode, the camera physically couldn’t fit all the competitors into the shot, and of the half it could fit, two of them were obscured by a giant pillar. Boy, it’s too bad there aren’t any other elimination competition shows out there that they could use as a model…

Saddest Cancellation News: The Dish
Seriously? The programming slate for the Style Network is basically a giant steaming pile of total shit, with one lone exception: The Dish. So of course that’s the show that gets cancelled. Oy.

Best Pick-Up News: Community
Yay! Yes, that's right, folks, Community will be back this fall for a third season in spite of lackluster ratings. It really is the best comedy on air, so I'm thrilled beyond thrilled that it'll be back again. Now I just have to worry about Nikita and The Chicago Code... Once those two are out of the woods, I can relax.

Most Improbable Paternity: Shameless
It keeps dawning on me in little ways, but this show has really hit its stride. I’m so glad I stuck with it past the first few rocky episodes. They seem to have nailed down just who these characters really are and what the show is really about. Most recently, it was about paternity. In spite of obvious visual signs to the contrary, ostensibly interracial baby Liam actually is the spawn of Frank Gallagher, but red-haired Irish lad Ian isn’t. Ha! Okay, so apparently one of his uncles is actually his father, so it’s all in the family, but it was still a pretty awesome reveal. So let’s see, that means that Ian and Lip are both half brothers and first cousins… First brothers? Two-thirds brothers? Premium cousins? I never was good as these familial relationships…

Best Brothers (or Whatever They Are): Lip and Ian on Shameless
Speaking of Ian and Lip, I absolutely adore their relationship on the show. I was initially a bit turned off by Lip, but more and more, he’s stealing the show. He and Ian have a dynamic between them that’s equal parts brothers, confidantes, protectors, and friends. Even though they have a very friendly vibe most of the time, it’s always satisfying to see Lip play the role of older brother. He does it in really subtle ways, but with really powerful results. Even in the face of the catastrophe that is their family and the fact that they all had to grow up way too fast, the basic foundations remain. At the end of the day, each member of the family has to pull his/her weight to keep the family afloat, but Ian is still his little brother, and he would do anything for him. Even take a beating.

Sneakiest Teamwork: Teresa and Jarek on The Chicago Code
I suspected they were in cahoots all along, but I’ll be damned if they didn’t sell the lie (even if it did come at Caleb’s expense). Nicely played.

Character That Most Definitely Needs to be Recast: Sally on Being Human (US)
Good god, she’s grating. The ghost character on the British series is charming and warm and quirky. The ghost on the US version is nothing but whiny, nagging, and bitchy. While the writing bears a fair bit of the blame, I think it’s Meaghan Rath’s portrayal that is the real problem. It makes total sense on the British version why the vampire and werewolf would adore their ghostly roommate and be protective of her, but on the US edition, I kinda just want to kill her again. Heretofore, I’d have labeled her as the "Character Most in Need of Becoming Corporeal", but at this point, not only do I hope she remains completely ineffectual, I keep hoping her door will show up. Man alive, doors showing up on the UK version are simply terrifying. Here? Bring on the biggest effing door you can find! (The “effing door,” most commonly used in stately manor homes, was first manufactured in Britain in the late 17th century and is named after the county of East Effing…)

Best Direction: Kurt and Blaine Kiss on Glee
We’ve all known this was coming for a long time, but hats off to the promotional department for not spoiling it for us. I thought it was done in a really lovely way. Unlike every other aspect of the show, it wasn’t some big, flashy, loud production. They allowed for Kurt and Blaine to have a truly touching, subdued, very quiet moment together. The camera didn’t cut away, the music didn’t swell into a tidal wave, and there were no spectators or back-up dancers. It made the kiss feel a lot more authentic and emotional than other elements of the show. By being the least theatrical moment, it actually made it all the more powerful. It was also very nice to see that Kurt and Blaine have a hell of a lot of actual chemistry together. So often a will-they-or-won’t-they couple has a boatload of theoretical chemistry, but then it fizzles. Not with Kurt and Blaine. I believed every second and I’m excited to see where they’re relationship goes from here.

Most Compatible Characters with the Least Compatible Voices: Sadly, Kurt and Blaine
As much as I enjoyed seeing Kurt and Blaine together onstage, I have to admit that their voices didn’t really complement each other very well. Each of them is amazing on them is amazing on his own, and they both seem to have a ridiculous amount of vocal chemistry with Rachel, but together? I was underwhelmed. The emotional register was a whole lot smoother than the vocal register, and that’s truly a shame because I have a feeling these two will be singing together a whole lot more. Maybe it was just this particular song that didn’t suit them… They’ve sung together in the past and it sounded good, so here’s hoping for better in the future.

Most Unnecessarily Dramatic Music: The Biggest Loser
Okay, seriously, simmer down, Show. I’m pretty sure the contestants won’t be shoved off a cliff or fed to alligators if they don’t lose any weight this week. Jesus, based on the music you’d think it were the END OF THE WORLD. Get a grip.

Least Subtlety: Kathy Griffin as Sarah Palin on Glee
You just couldn’t help yourself, could you Ryan Murphy? Funny, sure, but it seemed a little too easy. To boot, they didn’t seem to take full advantage of the situation. It was amusing, but it should have been hilarious.

Most Irritating “Musical” Internet Meme: Friday by Rebecca Black
Good god, if only this song were as “fun, fun, fun, fun” as she seems to think her life is. I couldn’t bring myself to embed that piece of shit, but I’m guessing you’ve already seen it anyways.

Best Musical Internet Meme: Ching Chong by Jimmy Wong
In response to Alexandra Wallace’s unbearably moronic, ridiculously racist rant, Jimmy Wong responded with a delightfully catchy, hilarious musical rebuttal. Awesome. He most certainly does warrant embedding.



Dumbest Deed: Winona on Justified
Oh, for hell’s sake, Winona. Look, I’ve always liked you, but seriously? You took a $100 bill out of evidence to “see if it was real”? Were you planning on taking the rest if it was? Oh, lordy. In what universe was that a good idea? Not this one, apparently. Next week looks to be a nightmare. It’s to the show’s credit that I’m all anxious about the episodes to come. I’m so invested in these characters that it makes me all squicky inside at the thought of them getting in trouble. Seriously Winona, you couldn’t have shoved that bill down your shirt or eaten it or something?! That’s what I would have done.

Most Hilarious Chase: The Geriatric Great Escape on Justified
Oh my god, I was laughing so hard when that old, enfeebled bank robber started hobbling toward the plane and soon-to-be-a-senior-citizen Art Mullen came after him. Ha! Oh man, dragging the oxygen tank behind him and everything. So great. I love this show.

Best Finale: Face Off
Despite the fact that they picked the wrong winner, this show turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun, reviving the tired routine with a truly original concept. I would have thought that a movie make-up competition in the vein of Project Runway would have been unbearably lame, but it was actually fascinating. The contestants were extremely talented (well, most of them), and the challenges were original and visually appealing. Unlike on Top Chef, where I just have to take the judges word for it, or on Project Runway, where the judges are smoking crack, I was able to form an opinion of who did well and who didn’t and the judges were almost always on the same page. That’s the virtue of a visual medium that isn’t a slave to trends. It’s either well done or it isn’t. That said, I can see where they chose Connor for their big winner, but I would have liked to have seen Gage win. The final challenge required the contestants to revamp a fairy tale with an adjective in mind (Industrial Hansel and Gretel, Psychedelic The Little Mermaid, Post-Apocalyptic Red Riding Hood, Haunted Frog Prince). Sure Connor’s technical precision was impressive and superior (the inflatable throat bubble was particularly good), but I still don’t get how his Frog Prince was “haunted” exactly… Gage’s finale tableau was far more imaginative and interesting, taking Hansel and Gretel and turning it into an urban nightmare where the witch wins. His was far and away the most captivating piece, even if Connor’s was more technically proficient. Anyway, this show has been renewed for next season, so keep an eye out for it. Trust me.

Most Conflicted Send-Off: Prentiss on Criminal Minds
This one is a tough call for me. I’ve really enjoyed the Prentiss-was-actually-a-spy-and-now-her-old-enemies-are-trying-to-kill-her storyline. It took a character I liked well enough and turned her into one of the best characters on the show. I’m truly sad to see her go, especially after the show fired JJ earlier this season. I don’t know what the hell the writers are thinking because near as I can tell, they seem to be eliminating all the strong female characters. Maybe they just hate women? No, maybe they just hate interesting women. Blonde for blonde, JJ was, is, and will always be a hell of a lot more engaging than her replacement on the show. I think it wouldn’t sting so much to lose JJ and Prentiss if Seaver were better, but fact is, she ain’t. So boring. So bland. Anyway, Prentiss’ final episode was exciting and epic and befitting her character. That said, the big fakey death scene was over the top and the whole “she’s not actually dead” aspect has been done. A lot. (“So, Cordelia’s going to okay, huh?”) I was less annoyed by it here than on other shows though because it actually made sense for the character. Prentiss was a super-secret international agent. It actually makes sense that she would fake her death (hey, she’s done it before) and make a run for it. It was also nice to see JJ assume a fundamental role in Prentiss’ new identity. JJ didn’t get nearly enough screen time in this episode, but the closing scene between her and Prentiss was a nice touch. I liked that they didn’t show us Prentiss’ face as she walked away. She’s a different person now and only JJ knows the full truth. (It appeared that Hotch was let in on the whole “she ain’t dead” aspect though… not sure how I feel about that.) Anyway, even though part of me would have liked to have seen the show take the creative plunge and killed her off, I’m intrigued to see if she ever comes back. I find that I’m invested in her character now more than ever and would love to see who the new Prentiss is. Paget Brewster has the option of returning to the show next season, and assuming the pilot she’s attached to fails (and it probably will), I’m hoping she takes them up on the offer.

Character Most in Need of Better Hair: Dr. Reid on Criminal Minds
I adore my good friend Dr. Reid, but I’m hating the short hair. Hell, he and his long hair were the primary reasons I started watching this show in the first place, thinking to myself, “Well, he’s easy to look at…” But now? Yikes. Seriously, he’s about 70% less attractive with the short cut. Seriously show, you get rid of JJ, Prentiss, and Reid’s hair? All in one season? That's just mean.

Greatest Misnomer: Top Chef All-Stars
I beg to differ. This season was supposed to be the best of the best, but I’m unimpressed. I don’t think anyone expected the finals to look like this and I don’t think the judges have been all that thrilled with a high percentage of dishes. Challenge for challenge, contestant for contestant, dish for dish, this ain’t the “All-Stars”. Season 6 was the All-Star season with the Volts, Kevin, and Jen knocking it out of the park. I’m still bummed that Jen didn’t have a better showing this season and I still think she should have been in the finals of season 6. Anyway, all I can say is, I was glued to the screen for season 6, but now? I’m pretty bored and unimpressed. Hell, last night I watched Face Off in full, riveted at every turn, but I quickly skipped to the end of Top Chef just to see who was sent packing. Worst of all? I didn’t even really care who it was. Oh, Tiffany went home? Huh.

Best Guest Star: Enver Gjokai on Community
Victor! So nice to see you back in action. Man alive, I love Community but it makes me pine for far too many shows gone by… Dollhouse, you are missed. Sigh…

**Quotes of the Week**

“I just realized we're only on season TWO of Glee. Man, this is going to be a long slog.”
--via twitter, courtesy of JenniferArrow. I hear ya, sister.

“Now Lisa Guerrero has set her sights on fraudulent psychics. Or as they’re more commonly known, psychics.”
--courtesy of The Dish. You were never quite The Soup, but still a lot of fun. You’ll be missed.

“Next time you’re thinking about dropping in, DON’T. You’ve fucked up our lives enough already.”
--Lip, on Shameless. His character has gotten so great. As his mom was pleading with him to give her another chance, he started tearing up and I thought he was going to cave, but then he pushed her away and made it very clear that there are some things you simply can’t atone for that easily. Wow.

Mayor’s Lackey: “Now, don’t go making threats against the mayor. He’s the one who put you in this job. You don’t bit the hand—“
Teresa: “—that is slapping me in the face.”
--Teresa Colvin on The Chicago Code, making it very clear that she will be no one’s puppet.

“Why did that soothsayer tell Caesar to ‘Beware the Ides of March’ when he could've more helpfully said, ‘Beware the knives of stabbers’?”
--Conan O’Brien, via twitter.

“Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever.’ Watching you do Blackbird this week… That was the moment for me. About you. You move me, Kurt.”
--Blaine, finally opening his eyes and seeing what was right in front of him on Glee. Darren Criss really did a lovely job with that scene. Very sincere, but not saccharine. This scene could have easily turned into a sappy, cringe-worthy ode, but it was very restrained, honest, and subtle.

“I don’t even remember putting that in there.”
--Brittany, on Glee, regarding the mountain of dirt that spilled out of her locker upon opening it. Oh, sweetie. Just precious. I love Brittany.

“Marrying into Coldplay has long been an acceptable way to break into music #OnionMusicTips”
--TheOnion, via twitter. Well, it certainly wasn’t her voice.

“Much as I might like to personally throw Mr. Crowder’s ass in a holding cell, I think a threat against a federal officer would be a little more specific. Something more along the lines of, ‘If you disrespect Miss Crowder again, I’ll beat the ever-loving shit out of you.’”
--Art Mullen, becoming more and more badass with each passing episode of Justified. Coming to Boyd’s defense was awesome enough, but to bring Boyd’s seething anger to the forefront while taking the feds to task was even better.

“Well, when someone is threatening a woman that you care deeply for, there is no end to the lengths that you will go to keep that woman safe. Now, I seem to recall you being in that situation a time or two yourself. In fact, I seem to recall you being in the same situation… with the same woman. Ain’t that something.”
--Boyd Crowder on Justified. He is far and away the best character on the show. He’s just so calm when he’s taking people to task. He uses a soft, sedated tone that is disarming and terrifying at the same time.

Raylan: “Do you know where I’m from, Asshole?”
Bank Robber: “No.”
Raylan: “Harlan County.”
Bank Robber: “So?” [Raylan punches him]
Raylan: “Down there we know the difference between dynamite and road flares.”
--Justified. I love how this show takes full advantage of its characters and uses their backgrounds to the fullest. Of course Raylan knows exactly what dynamite looks like. Anyone from mining country would.