For a random week in March without a ton of new shows, this post certainly did get ridiculously long. I'm going to have to seriously cut back come finale season. Sheesh, these are getting out of hand.
Mind-Blowing Realization of the Week: Emily Prentiss is Kathy from Friends?!
Holy shit, peeps, I still can’t believe it. I have seen every episode of Criminal Minds and every episode of Friends (about 12 times), but I never put the Paget Brewster connection together. I was watching an old episode of Friends (the one where Chandler thinks his actress girlfriend Kathy is cheating on him) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s Prentiss!!! I can’t believe I never realized it before. In my defense, she looks completely different now, but still. I’m usually so good at this. They might just revoke my professional television status after a blunder like this… (And no, I have no idea who “they” is, but I hear they’re ruthless…)
Poorest Second Showing: Breakout Kings
I had hoped that the show would improve after a mediocre pilot, but instead, it got even worse. It very quickly went from “seriously flawed, but with potential” to “seriously unwatchable”. Episode two was simply awful. I will not be giving this sucker a third week. The writing it just plain terrible. This is the kind of concept that should have been very easy to make a decent show out of, but they failed hook, line, and sinker. They seem to be having a ridiculously difficult time finding anything for these convicts to do. Seriously, Jimmi Simpson’s eccentric genius is the only one who even kind of helps, and even then, that’s barely even some of the time. At other times, he’s making brilliant deductions about the new token hot chick. “If you were really a breaking and entering expert, you would have helped open that locked trunk.” You mean the trunk that had been burned up in the fire, so that other guy easily broke the lock off with one good hit of an axe handle? That trunk? Exactly how many people do you think it takes to hit a lock? Do you really think it would have been a better use of everyone’s time for her to have picked a $2 pad lock rather than just breaking the damn thing? Stupid. Incredibly stupid. There are a million ways the writers could have subtly constructed a scene that would have exposed New Token Hot Chick as a liar, but that had to be the absolute lamest way. When you’re working within a genre that is this unbelievably popular, you have to do it well. Incredibly well. With each passing scene, I grew more and more annoyed that some other TV crime fighting team wasn’t on the case. The Criminal Minds crew would have solved this ages ago, and in a much more believable way. The writing on this show is just lazy, ridiculous, and boring. It’s also…
The Show Most Clearly Written By Men, More Men, and Only Men: Breakout Kings
It’s generally a safe bet that the entire creative team of a show is comprised of men when the male characters on the show are allowed to be completely unappealing, but the women are all insanely hot, even if that doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. The Original Token Hot Chick at least had a reason to be that hot (she was a grafter and a former beauty queen (you know, because that’s not the kind of backstory a bunch of men would come up with at all)), but the New Token Hot Chick? Ha! Her name is Erica, apparently (of course her name is Erica), and she’s billed as this badass tough chick who learned the ways of bounty hunting from her father (because the only way women can become good at anything but cooking and laundry is if they learn it from their father or brothers, you know) and then avenged his death by killing 5 guys (allegedly)… all while sporting flawless make-up and pink, shiny lip gloss. Seriously, it was ridiculous. Straight out of prison and she looks like she just fell out of a Gucci ad. I might have been more forgiving if her clothes had been impeccable as well (maybe high-end is just how she rolls), but no, her clothes were shabby and sloppy, which made the beauty make-up stand out even more (and for all the wrong reasons). Oh sure, the men on the show are allowed to look the part, but the women sure aren’t. Even their tech analyst (their Penelope Garcia, if you will) is gorgeous. Not as heavily made-up, but still far too attractive for the role. I’m not saying these characters should be hideous, but if you insist on super models, at least try to make them look the part.
Worst Set Design: America’s Next Great Restaurant
Ha! Okay, I know no one really watches this show (and I can see why, it has some serious conceptual problems), but I simply must comment on the set. Okay, literally, for the elimination at the end of the episode, the camera physically couldn’t fit all the competitors into the shot, and of the half it could fit, two of them were obscured by a giant pillar. Boy, it’s too bad there aren’t any other elimination competition shows out there that they could use as a model…
Saddest Cancellation News: The Dish
Seriously? The programming slate for the Style Network is basically a giant steaming pile of total shit, with one lone exception: The Dish. So of course that’s the show that gets cancelled. Oy.
Best Pick-Up News: Community
Yay! Yes, that's right, folks, Community will be back this fall for a third season in spite of lackluster ratings. It really is the best comedy on air, so I'm thrilled beyond thrilled that it'll be back again. Now I just have to worry about Nikita and The Chicago Code... Once those two are out of the woods, I can relax.
Most Improbable Paternity: Shameless
It keeps dawning on me in little ways, but this show has really hit its stride. I’m so glad I stuck with it past the first few rocky episodes. They seem to have nailed down just who these characters really are and what the show is really about. Most recently, it was about paternity. In spite of obvious visual signs to the contrary, ostensibly interracial baby Liam actually is the spawn of Frank Gallagher, but red-haired Irish lad Ian isn’t. Ha! Okay, so apparently one of his uncles is actually his father, so it’s all in the family, but it was still a pretty awesome reveal. So let’s see, that means that Ian and Lip are both half brothers and first cousins… First brothers? Two-thirds brothers? Premium cousins? I never was good as these familial relationships…
Best Brothers (or Whatever They Are): Lip and Ian on Shameless
Speaking of Ian and Lip, I absolutely adore their relationship on the show. I was initially a bit turned off by Lip, but more and more, he’s stealing the show. He and Ian have a dynamic between them that’s equal parts brothers, confidantes, protectors, and friends. Even though they have a very friendly vibe most of the time, it’s always satisfying to see Lip play the role of older brother. He does it in really subtle ways, but with really powerful results. Even in the face of the catastrophe that is their family and the fact that they all had to grow up way too fast, the basic foundations remain. At the end of the day, each member of the family has to pull his/her weight to keep the family afloat, but Ian is still his little brother, and he would do anything for him. Even take a beating.
Sneakiest Teamwork: Teresa and Jarek on The Chicago Code
I suspected they were in cahoots all along, but I’ll be damned if they didn’t sell the lie (even if it did come at Caleb’s expense). Nicely played.
Character That Most Definitely Needs to be Recast: Sally on Being Human (US)
Good god, she’s grating. The ghost character on the British series is charming and warm and quirky. The ghost on the US version is nothing but whiny, nagging, and bitchy. While the writing bears a fair bit of the blame, I think it’s Meaghan Rath’s portrayal that is the real problem. It makes total sense on the British version why the vampire and werewolf would adore their ghostly roommate and be protective of her, but on the US edition, I kinda just want to kill her again. Heretofore, I’d have labeled her as the "Character Most in Need of Becoming Corporeal", but at this point, not only do I hope she remains completely ineffectual, I keep hoping her door will show up. Man alive, doors showing up on the UK version are simply terrifying. Here? Bring on the biggest effing door you can find! (The “effing door,” most commonly used in stately manor homes, was first manufactured in Britain in the late 17th century and is named after the county of East Effing…)
Best Direction: Kurt and Blaine Kiss on Glee
We’ve all known this was coming for a long time, but hats off to the promotional department for not spoiling it for us. I thought it was done in a really lovely way. Unlike every other aspect of the show, it wasn’t some big, flashy, loud production. They allowed for Kurt and Blaine to have a truly touching, subdued, very quiet moment together. The camera didn’t cut away, the music didn’t swell into a tidal wave, and there were no spectators or back-up dancers. It made the kiss feel a lot more authentic and emotional than other elements of the show. By being the least theatrical moment, it actually made it all the more powerful. It was also very nice to see that Kurt and Blaine have a hell of a lot of actual chemistry together. So often a will-they-or-won’t-they couple has a boatload of theoretical chemistry, but then it fizzles. Not with Kurt and Blaine. I believed every second and I’m excited to see where they’re relationship goes from here.
Most Compatible Characters with the Least Compatible Voices: Sadly, Kurt and Blaine
As much as I enjoyed seeing Kurt and Blaine together onstage, I have to admit that their voices didn’t really complement each other very well. Each of them is amazing on them is amazing on his own, and they both seem to have a ridiculous amount of vocal chemistry with Rachel, but together? I was underwhelmed. The emotional register was a whole lot smoother than the vocal register, and that’s truly a shame because I have a feeling these two will be singing together a whole lot more. Maybe it was just this particular song that didn’t suit them… They’ve sung together in the past and it sounded good, so here’s hoping for better in the future.
Most Unnecessarily Dramatic Music: The Biggest Loser
Okay, seriously, simmer down, Show. I’m pretty sure the contestants won’t be shoved off a cliff or fed to alligators if they don’t lose any weight this week. Jesus, based on the music you’d think it were the END OF THE WORLD. Get a grip.
Least Subtlety: Kathy Griffin as Sarah Palin on Glee
You just couldn’t help yourself, could you Ryan Murphy? Funny, sure, but it seemed a little too easy. To boot, they didn’t seem to take full advantage of the situation. It was amusing, but it should have been hilarious.
Most Irritating “Musical” Internet Meme: Friday by Rebecca Black
Good god, if only this song were as “fun, fun, fun, fun” as she seems to think her life is. I couldn’t bring myself to embed that piece of shit, but I’m guessing you’ve already seen it anyways.
Best Musical Internet Meme: Ching Chong by Jimmy Wong
In response to Alexandra Wallace’s unbearably moronic, ridiculously racist rant, Jimmy Wong responded with a delightfully catchy, hilarious musical rebuttal. Awesome. He most certainly does warrant embedding.
Dumbest Deed: Winona on Justified
Oh, for hell’s sake, Winona. Look, I’ve always liked you, but seriously? You took a $100 bill out of evidence to “see if it was real”? Were you planning on taking the rest if it was? Oh, lordy. In what universe was that a good idea? Not this one, apparently. Next week looks to be a nightmare. It’s to the show’s credit that I’m all anxious about the episodes to come. I’m so invested in these characters that it makes me all squicky inside at the thought of them getting in trouble. Seriously Winona, you couldn’t have shoved that bill down your shirt or eaten it or something?! That’s what I would have done.
Most Hilarious Chase: The Geriatric Great Escape on Justified
Oh my god, I was laughing so hard when that old, enfeebled bank robber started hobbling toward the plane and soon-to-be-a-senior-citizen Art Mullen came after him. Ha! Oh man, dragging the oxygen tank behind him and everything. So great. I love this show.
Best Finale: Face Off
Despite the fact that they picked the wrong winner, this show turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun, reviving the tired routine with a truly original concept. I would have thought that a movie make-up competition in the vein of Project Runway would have been unbearably lame, but it was actually fascinating. The contestants were extremely talented (well, most of them), and the challenges were original and visually appealing. Unlike on Top Chef, where I just have to take the judges word for it, or on Project Runway, where the judges are smoking crack, I was able to form an opinion of who did well and who didn’t and the judges were almost always on the same page. That’s the virtue of a visual medium that isn’t a slave to trends. It’s either well done or it isn’t. That said, I can see where they chose Connor for their big winner, but I would have liked to have seen Gage win. The final challenge required the contestants to revamp a fairy tale with an adjective in mind (Industrial Hansel and Gretel, Psychedelic The Little Mermaid, Post-Apocalyptic Red Riding Hood, Haunted Frog Prince). Sure Connor’s technical precision was impressive and superior (the inflatable throat bubble was particularly good), but I still don’t get how his Frog Prince was “haunted” exactly… Gage’s finale tableau was far more imaginative and interesting, taking Hansel and Gretel and turning it into an urban nightmare where the witch wins. His was far and away the most captivating piece, even if Connor’s was more technically proficient. Anyway, this show has been renewed for next season, so keep an eye out for it. Trust me.
Most Conflicted Send-Off: Prentiss on Criminal Minds
This one is a tough call for me. I’ve really enjoyed the Prentiss-was-actually-a-spy-and-now-her-old-enemies-are-trying-to-kill-her storyline. It took a character I liked well enough and turned her into one of the best characters on the show. I’m truly sad to see her go, especially after the show fired JJ earlier this season. I don’t know what the hell the writers are thinking because near as I can tell, they seem to be eliminating all the strong female characters. Maybe they just hate women? No, maybe they just hate interesting women. Blonde for blonde, JJ was, is, and will always be a hell of a lot more engaging than her replacement on the show. I think it wouldn’t sting so much to lose JJ and Prentiss if Seaver were better, but fact is, she ain’t. So boring. So bland. Anyway, Prentiss’ final episode was exciting and epic and befitting her character. That said, the big fakey death scene was over the top and the whole “she’s not actually dead” aspect has been done. A lot. (“So, Cordelia’s going to okay, huh?”) I was less annoyed by it here than on other shows though because it actually made sense for the character. Prentiss was a super-secret international agent. It actually makes sense that she would fake her death (hey, she’s done it before) and make a run for it. It was also nice to see JJ assume a fundamental role in Prentiss’ new identity. JJ didn’t get nearly enough screen time in this episode, but the closing scene between her and Prentiss was a nice touch. I liked that they didn’t show us Prentiss’ face as she walked away. She’s a different person now and only JJ knows the full truth. (It appeared that Hotch was let in on the whole “she ain’t dead” aspect though… not sure how I feel about that.) Anyway, even though part of me would have liked to have seen the show take the creative plunge and killed her off, I’m intrigued to see if she ever comes back. I find that I’m invested in her character now more than ever and would love to see who the new Prentiss is. Paget Brewster has the option of returning to the show next season, and assuming the pilot she’s attached to fails (and it probably will), I’m hoping she takes them up on the offer.
Character Most in Need of Better Hair: Dr. Reid on Criminal Minds
I adore my good friend Dr. Reid, but I’m hating the short hair. Hell, he and his long hair were the primary reasons I started watching this show in the first place, thinking to myself, “Well, he’s easy to look at…” But now? Yikes. Seriously, he’s about 70% less attractive with the short cut. Seriously show, you get rid of JJ, Prentiss, and Reid’s hair? All in one season? That's just mean.
Greatest Misnomer: Top Chef All-Stars
I beg to differ. This season was supposed to be the best of the best, but I’m unimpressed. I don’t think anyone expected the finals to look like this and I don’t think the judges have been all that thrilled with a high percentage of dishes. Challenge for challenge, contestant for contestant, dish for dish, this ain’t the “All-Stars”. Season 6 was the All-Star season with the Volts, Kevin, and Jen knocking it out of the park. I’m still bummed that Jen didn’t have a better showing this season and I still think she should have been in the finals of season 6. Anyway, all I can say is, I was glued to the screen for season 6, but now? I’m pretty bored and unimpressed. Hell, last night I watched Face Off in full, riveted at every turn, but I quickly skipped to the end of Top Chef just to see who was sent packing. Worst of all? I didn’t even really care who it was. Oh, Tiffany went home? Huh.
Best Guest Star: Enver Gjokai on Community
Victor! So nice to see you back in action. Man alive, I love Community but it makes me pine for far too many shows gone by… Dollhouse, you are missed. Sigh…
**Quotes of the Week**
“I just realized we're only on season TWO of Glee. Man, this is going to be a long slog.”
--via twitter, courtesy of JenniferArrow. I hear ya, sister.
“Now Lisa Guerrero has set her sights on fraudulent psychics. Or as they’re more commonly known, psychics.”
--courtesy of The Dish. You were never quite The Soup, but still a lot of fun. You’ll be missed.
“Next time you’re thinking about dropping in, DON’T. You’ve fucked up our lives enough already.”
--Lip, on Shameless. His character has gotten so great. As his mom was pleading with him to give her another chance, he started tearing up and I thought he was going to cave, but then he pushed her away and made it very clear that there are some things you simply can’t atone for that easily. Wow.
Mayor’s Lackey: “Now, don’t go making threats against the mayor. He’s the one who put you in this job. You don’t bit the hand—“
Teresa: “—that is slapping me in the face.”
--Teresa Colvin on The Chicago Code, making it very clear that she will be no one’s puppet.
“Why did that soothsayer tell Caesar to ‘Beware the Ides of March’ when he could've more helpfully said, ‘Beware the knives of stabbers’?”
--Conan O’Brien, via twitter.
“Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever.’ Watching you do Blackbird this week… That was the moment for me. About you. You move me, Kurt.”
--Blaine, finally opening his eyes and seeing what was right in front of him on Glee. Darren Criss really did a lovely job with that scene. Very sincere, but not saccharine. This scene could have easily turned into a sappy, cringe-worthy ode, but it was very restrained, honest, and subtle.
“I don’t even remember putting that in there.”
--Brittany, on Glee, regarding the mountain of dirt that spilled out of her locker upon opening it. Oh, sweetie. Just precious. I love Brittany.
“Marrying into Coldplay has long been an acceptable way to break into music #OnionMusicTips”
--TheOnion, via twitter. Well, it certainly wasn’t her voice.
“Much as I might like to personally throw Mr. Crowder’s ass in a holding cell, I think a threat against a federal officer would be a little more specific. Something more along the lines of, ‘If you disrespect Miss Crowder again, I’ll beat the ever-loving shit out of you.’”
--Art Mullen, becoming more and more badass with each passing episode of Justified. Coming to Boyd’s defense was awesome enough, but to bring Boyd’s seething anger to the forefront while taking the feds to task was even better.
“Well, when someone is threatening a woman that you care deeply for, there is no end to the lengths that you will go to keep that woman safe. Now, I seem to recall you being in that situation a time or two yourself. In fact, I seem to recall you being in the same situation… with the same woman. Ain’t that something.”
--Boyd Crowder on Justified. He is far and away the best character on the show. He’s just so calm when he’s taking people to task. He uses a soft, sedated tone that is disarming and terrifying at the same time.
Raylan: “Do you know where I’m from, Asshole?”
Bank Robber: “No.”
Raylan: “Harlan County.”
Bank Robber: “So?” [Raylan punches him]
Raylan: “Down there we know the difference between dynamite and road flares.”
--Justified. I love how this show takes full advantage of its characters and uses their backgrounds to the fullest. Of course Raylan knows exactly what dynamite looks like. Anyone from mining country would.
Showing posts with label Random Funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Funnies. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Oh my god, I'm famous! Again!
Just when you thought the-little-TV-blog-that-could couldn't possibly get more high profile, I recently submitted another question to one of my favorite TV aficionados, Matt Roush, and he posted it in his column. As uber-fans of my blog (who are still theoretical, but I'm sticking to it!) may recall, this is the same Matt Roush who posted my previous question. Sigh [of satisfaction]. I feel so loved.
Honestly though, as far as my fantasy TV inner circle is concerned, he's one of the very best. Where columnists like Kristin Dos Santos are too chummy with TV personalities to give a brutal review of a show and folks like my darling Micheal Ausiello tend to focus more on breaking news than criticisms, Matt Roush fills the void and isn't afraid to let his opinions be known. We don't always agree, but he's one that I know puts a lot of thought into his assertions and can back up his claims in a logical way (even if they are diametrically opposed to my own views).
Henceforth, and without further ado, below you will find my most recent step toward television greatness... bask in its warm glowing warming glow...
- Question: While I applaud network TV for trying to tap into the summertime scripted market (a bastion for cable's success), I can't help but be pretty unimpressed thus far. ABC's efforts have been almost universally disappointing. Scoundrels is a disaster, The Gates is painfully derivative (and for a show about vampires, werewolves, witches and who knows what else, is inexplicably boring), and Rookie Blue is a rip-off of Grey's Anatomy in just about every way (but, you know, with cops instead of surgeons). Based on the ratings for these shows (with the modest exception of Rookie Blue), it seems to me that ABC's foray into summertime has been a failure. Other networks are faring no better. Fox's new series The Good Guys really didn't appeal to me (even though my fidelity to Matt Nix made me really, really want to like it), and given its anemic viewership, I'm not the only one. Lie to Me seems to be one of the few that's doing reasonably well, but it developed a fan-base during the regular season, so I don't think it counts exactly.
That said, I'm wondering if you have any theories as to why basic cable networks like TNT, ABC Family (although I must say I disagree about Huge—I found it dour and charmless, much to my chagrin), FX and, most notably, USA have such a grasp on summertime scripted programming while the basic networks are foundering. What is it that cable is doing so right and the big four are doing so wrong?
I look at USA Network in particular and wonder if it's primarily an issue of branding. USA seems to have the best grasp on what it is as a network and has built a portfolio of shows that all seem to work together on a schedule (indeed, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who watches one show on USA and doesn't watch at least two others). I do wish USA would branch out and make some riskier moves at times, but when looking at the success of their programming model, it's hard to argue. Indeed, USA's newest series, Covert Affairs, looks like it'll be yet another fun, light-hearted dramedy feather in USA's cap that will do very well (pairing it with White Collar was yet another strategic boon). That said, I'm more apprehensive about Covert Affairs than I have been about other USA series. I've never been much impressed by Piper Perabo and honestly don't think she can anchor a show. Have you seen the pilot? Does she pull it off? Or is it more like watching Perabo trying desperately to be Alias's Jennifer Garner and failing miserably? I'd love to hear your thoughts.—Lacy
- Matt Roush: Let's start with USA. In some ways, I look at that network as the cable equivalent of CBS. It knows what works for its audience and its brand and it stays mostly on message. Which means a lot of sameness from show to show, with a few doing the job better than others. (I'm particularly fond of Burn Notice and White Collar right now, but can make the case for others, while finding few of them qualifying as actual can't-miss appointment TV). I too wish USA would try a bit harder to surprise us, but like you said (which also applies to CBS's schedule, excepting the standout rookie The Good Wife), why mess with success? Covert Affairs has the look of another winner. Not because it's great; it's a bit too cutesy for my taste—which applies to the lead performance and a few of the more whimsical subplots and characters—but as a harmless caper paired with White Collar's second season, if it doesn't click I'll be surprised. And I tend to enjoy USA's shows more once they get past setting up the premise in their overstuffed pilot episodes, so I'll keep an eye on that one.
While I more or less agree with you about the broadcast networks' mostly feeble attempts to try scripted shows in the summer—you left out NBC's burn-offs, which may be the worst of the bunch—I'm glad they're at least trying something other than mind-numbing reality in a few time slots. One of these days, I'm hoping we'll witness the next Northern Exposure and have something to celebrate. As I noted in a recent magazine review, the difference between network and cable in the summer is that many cable operations put their very best shows on during the summer, promoting the heck out of them. With the networks, that is certainly not the case. The most we can hope for (and rarely get) is something too offbeat to air during the regular season that can be nurtured during the off-season. Maybe next summer ...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
TV's Inner Circle + 1 (ME!)
As is clearly evident by the focus of this blog, TV is a fairly large part of my life. I troll the interwebs in search of TV-related information and televisually kindred spirits on a fairly regular basis. There are several gossip columns that I follow, more than a few spoiler sites that keep me informed, and assorted sites focuses on ratings and industry news that round out my regular rotations. For far too long these entities have seemed like unreachable celebrities who would not deign to entertain the meager hopes and dreams of a minor leaguer such as myself... but not anymore!
It's truly sad just how giddy I am to report the following news, but said giddiness means I can't bring myself to stop typing, or by extension, my complete and total lameness. Henceforth, here we go!
I've written questions to my peeps (read: random gossip columnists who couldn't care less about my existence) on various occasions, but have never seen them posted in their respective columns. Michael and Kristin have both heartlessly ignored my queries. I assumed that was simply par for the course and did my best to move on with my life, even giving up on sending them anything [insert sad Charlie Brown music]. I figured, "It's not them, it's me..." and tried to let it go [and by "it" I mean my hopes, dreams, and aspirations in life--no biggie].
Well, as it turns out, it is most certainly was NOT me! Oh yeah, it was them all along!
Not one week after writing to TV's Guide's Matt Roush (as I described to Annie, "THE Matt Roush!" Thanks again for the feigned enthusiasm, Annie. The feigning was only mostly perceptible) did he post my query in his column and provide a response in the Ask Matt section. It's beyond embarrassing how much I geeked out over the following, but what the hell. (I figure my geekiness reached a critical mass somewhere in the nineties, so at this point, what's the difference.)
It's truly sad just how giddy I am to report the following news, but said giddiness means I can't bring myself to stop typing, or by extension, my complete and total lameness. Henceforth, here we go!
I've written questions to my peeps (read: random gossip columnists who couldn't care less about my existence) on various occasions, but have never seen them posted in their respective columns. Michael and Kristin have both heartlessly ignored my queries. I assumed that was simply par for the course and did my best to move on with my life, even giving up on sending them anything [insert sad Charlie Brown music]. I figured, "It's not them, it's me..." and tried to let it go [and by "it" I mean my hopes, dreams, and aspirations in life--no biggie].
Well, as it turns out, it is most certainly was NOT me! Oh yeah, it was them all along!
Not one week after writing to TV's Guide's Matt Roush (as I described to Annie, "THE Matt Roush!" Thanks again for the feigned enthusiasm, Annie. The feigning was only mostly perceptible) did he post my query in his column and provide a response in the Ask Matt section. It's beyond embarrassing how much I geeked out over the following, but what the hell. (I figure my geekiness reached a critical mass somewhere in the nineties, so at this point, what's the difference.)
- Question: I have followed your column for a very long time and have found that we generally have pretty similar taste in shows. Most recently, I’d like to thank you for recommending the hilariously ribald BBC America comedy The Inbetweeners. It’s because of this that I’m so perplexed by your recommendation of the CW’s newest drama, Life Unexpected. I started watching the show expecting a return to the glory days of the WB (Gilmore Girls and Everwood were staples in my routine), but was instead met with a cast of thoroughly unlikable characters stuck in a cheesy and predictable set-up. The pilot was decent, and had a few moments that almost grabbed me, but the best events were undercut by maudlin self-importance and terrible writing. As Lux is about to blow out her birthday candles and is told she needs to blow them all out or her wish wouldn’t come true, I couldn’t help but wince when she actually said, “I think it already has.” I saw it coming a mile away, but that didn’t make it any less painful.
I had high hopes that subsequent episodes would temper the ridiculousness of the conceit (the writers for this show don’t seem to have a very close relationship with reality, especially legal reality), an improvement in the writing, and that the characters would grow on me, but much to my chagrin, the writing has only gotten worse and the characters haven’t gotten any more likable. Shiri Appleby’s portrayal of Cate is so shrill and annoying that it overshadows the more tolerable aspects of the cast. All in all, I’m extremely disappointed with this predictable, largely irritating, generic addition to the CW’s slate and can’t understand where so many critics have fallen in love with it. Am I missing something? Is there some secret appeal to this show that I’m not seeing? And most importantly, does it get better? I don’t typically give up on a show after only three episodes, but for this mess, I might have to make an exception. —Lacy
Matt Roush: To date, I’ve only seen the same three episodes you have, so I guess this is a case where we’ll have to agree to disagree. Many of the reviews and much of the mail I’m seeing on this show reflect a willingness to embrace it for being a big step in the right direction—at least tonally—for the CW after several years of cynical missteps with soapy retreads and a steep and seemingly irreversible decline for the former signature show that was Gossip Girl. If Life Unexpected occasionally errs on the side of schmaltz, I can live with that. And I’m not pretending it’s an instant top-10 contender the way Gilmore Girls was at its peak. I worry that they will make Lux too much the precocious know-it-all who’s more grown-up than her screwed-up biological parents, but I like the fact that their lives are so messy. If there’s room for improvement, there’s also time.
That's ME! I'm that Lacy!
I'm so happy [in Kuzco voice].
As Annie can attest, as I giddily shrieked over the cubicle wall at like 8 o'clock in the morning, my response was, well... enthusiastic. I have long followed Matt's column, so I was a wee bit star struck (if you look on the back of your season 1 Chuck DVDs, Matt Roush (my Matt Roush) is quoted--oh yeah, he's a big wig). I tried to keep cool (very casually mentioning to Annie that my question had been posted and then actually waiting for her to obligatorily ask for the link (all the while my hand is poised over the send button... "What's that you say? You'd like me to send you a link? Oh, I suppose...") but in my head, in thinking of my new relationship with Matt, it was a conga line of, "Oh my god! It's like we're best friends!"
Rest assured, I'm coherent enough to realize that we are not, and if I engage in any more posturing, I suspect a restraining order will be acquired, but from 500 yards, I'd say he and I are pretty tight these days.
What can I say? It's nice to know there are people out there who think about these things as much as I do. I'm pretty sure that's at least one horseman of the apocalypse, but I don't care. I'm going to go pretend I have an actual friendship with these people and wile away the hours in blissful oblivion.
I suggest you join me.
All the cool kids are doing it...
Monday, January 25, 2010
Passive-Aggressive Note
As many of you already know, some sad sorry pathetic human being (or service chimp trained for malfeasance) has been stealing drinks from our supplies. Most notably, case upon case of Diet Coke began disappearing not too long ago. We hid/locked up all our drinks, and that seems to have curbed the problem to large degree, but then some of the iced tea appeared to have gone missing. Seriously...
In an attempt to stem the tide of patheticalness-induced thievery (yes, patheticalness is a word--I'm as shocked as you are), I posted the following notice in the room where we keep some of the drinks (it's where the fridge lives, so we don't have a whole hell of a lot of choice).
Much to no avail. The notice was promptly removed (by the thief, I have no doubt--although at least s/he appears to have broadened his/her scope of items to take) and the drinks have to be moved to somewhere even more secure. (Or totally totally less secure, if you happen to know where it is. Seriously, how did we decide on that location?)
Every week we have a board meeting so every week I am reminded of what a lame-ass problem this is. So, if you happen to be the person stealing drinks, please stop. It's rather annoying and makes me very very sad for you.
In an attempt to stem the tide of patheticalness-induced thievery (yes, patheticalness is a word--I'm as shocked as you are), I posted the following notice in the room where we keep some of the drinks (it's where the fridge lives, so we don't have a whole hell of a lot of choice).
Much to no avail. The notice was promptly removed (by the thief, I have no doubt--although at least s/he appears to have broadened his/her scope of items to take) and the drinks have to be moved to somewhere even more secure. (Or totally totally less secure, if you happen to know where it is. Seriously, how did we decide on that location?)Every week we have a board meeting so every week I am reminded of what a lame-ass problem this is. So, if you happen to be the person stealing drinks, please stop. It's rather annoying and makes me very very sad for you.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Mad Men Yourself
Now, in spite of rave reviews from critics, I never got around to watching Mad Men. Regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed Man Menning myself and everyone else in the office. Even if you don't watch the show and simply want to retro-ize yourself (retro-fit?), it's a hell of a lot of fun. Go here to create your own 50's/60's avatar. :)
Now, they didn't really have my hair, so this is what I like to think I would have looked like had I lived in that era:
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
#7
For those of you who don't know anyone in my office, you'll just have to trust me that for the most part, these are pretty frighteningly spot on. Be forewarned, this activity will eat up a fair portion of your day, so proceed with caution.
In case you couldn't tell exactly who everyone is supposed to be, here are the answers:
#1 Jack (he weighed in on this depiction more than a little bit)
#2 Brett (I think the eyepatch really sells the look... especially at a picnic...)
#3 Ammon (my personal favorite--it really couldn't get more Ammon-y without being an actual picture of Ammon)
#4 Annie (she really does have arms, but the dark gloves kind of make them hard to see)
#5 Blair (and his lovely wife Stacey, who apparently likes to chain-smoke at 7 a.m.--we didn't actually construct Stacey, the wallpaper just happened to have a blonde woman already there for us)
#6 John (seriously, spot on. We actually chose a set of eyes that made him look less worried, lest you think we went overboard...)
#7 Ann (Ammon pointed out the neck scarf as a particularly Ann-ish quality)
Now, they didn't really have my hair, so this is what I like to think I would have looked like had I lived in that era:
For those of you who know the people who work in my office, you'll be shocked by just how accurate some of these are (and totally inaccurate others are--no one in the office actually wears an eyepatch, but I defy you not to know exactly who it is). I'll just let you guess...
#1
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
#7
For those of you who don't know anyone in my office, you'll just have to trust me that for the most part, these are pretty frighteningly spot on. Be forewarned, this activity will eat up a fair portion of your day, so proceed with caution.In case you couldn't tell exactly who everyone is supposed to be, here are the answers:
#1 Jack (he weighed in on this depiction more than a little bit)
#2 Brett (I think the eyepatch really sells the look... especially at a picnic...)
#3 Ammon (my personal favorite--it really couldn't get more Ammon-y without being an actual picture of Ammon)
#4 Annie (she really does have arms, but the dark gloves kind of make them hard to see)
#5 Blair (and his lovely wife Stacey, who apparently likes to chain-smoke at 7 a.m.--we didn't actually construct Stacey, the wallpaper just happened to have a blonde woman already there for us)
#6 John (seriously, spot on. We actually chose a set of eyes that made him look less worried, lest you think we went overboard...)
#7 Ann (Ammon pointed out the neck scarf as a particularly Ann-ish quality)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
That's a goldfish cracker...
Given that 90% of the people who read my blog read Annie's blog as well, you likely have come across Annie's most recent post Celebrating Freedom. Well, prior to posting, she had me read over it to see if anything was missing. Turns out, all that was missing was commentary (and a few other story tidbits that she won't allow me to post...). Anyway, for those of you who already know this story, I'm sure you have more than a few comments of your own, so feel free to add comments for anything I may have missed.
Below is a copy of her story (in black) and my thoughts on the situation (in blue). (It seemed a fitting color combination...) Enjoy, reminisce, gag...
Below is a copy of her story (in black) and my thoughts on the situation (in blue). (It seemed a fitting color combination...) Enjoy, reminisce, gag...
- This weekend is the 4th of July. As most of you know, it's my favorite holiday. But that's not the only thing I'm celebrating this week. No, today marks the 4-year anniversary of my un-wedding day... I don't even know where to begin. It's somewhat of a hilarious story, rich in intrigue and a lot of "what the...?!". Let me just start by saying: I AM SO GLAD PEOPLE (i.e., me) CAN CHANGE {So are we all, Annie. So are we all.}.
About 4 1/2 years ago, I was ramping up to start my last semester of college, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life. Through a strange twist of whatever, I had ended up living by myself. I was feeling lonely and vulnerable. It was the holiday season, and while I had a wonderful family not too far away, it was kind of depressing to come home to an empty house in the bleak winter. (Note: this is in no way justification for what comes up next... {I'm not sure a bout of psychosis could adequately justify what's about to come next, but I do enjoy that your justification includes words like: lonely, vulnerable, depressing, bleak, and empty--but it's totally not a justification!})
At that time, I had been dabbling in the world of Internet dating--which, now having the hindsight I do, I would not recommend--and I came across an interesting guy. 'Interesting' is the only word to describe him, really {Oh, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I can think of a few more… see below}. We chatted all night one night and I figured that meant love {I can't believe Webster's Dictionary let you down like that...}. I mean, a guy is interested by my profile and wants to talk with me? Score. I had made it through a year and a half of living in Utah's biggest dating pool {read: shark tank} and hadn't gotten a ring on my finger yet. Read: I was desperate. For some reason, I had gotten it through my head that if I made it through college unmarried, I would have been a failure {“For some reason?” Seriously? Have ya met Provo? I’m pretty sure the name comes from the old English verb “provote,” meaning “to drown single people over the age of 22 in a lake.”}
So here I was, chatting with this guy (whose profile picture wasn't half bad {yeah, it was all bad—ba dum bum}) and feeling like we connected. We agreed to chat the next night, too. You know, it was kind of nice to have something to look forward to the next day. I was a little wary, only having known this guy via the Internet, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and gloss over their flaws. But we ended up chatting for another long night, at which point he saw fit to tell me something about how we were destined to be together {"You hang up." "No, you hang up."} I fell. Hard. {Can you say MMfeo…? ma FE o…?} A guy who was interested in me! For ME! It was fate!! He wanted more pictures; I sent them. He wanted to meet in person; I planned a trip to California. It seemed like everything was falling into place in happy little Annie world.
We'll fast forward a little bit...so many (now embarrassing) things happened in the next couple months. Now that I can look back at it and see how ridiculous I was, I can chuckle and be so grateful that I dodged that bullet. Here are some of our adventures:
* My parents and sister came with me to California to meet him. Oh what a trip...I'm so grateful for a father who was willing to help me see something through, even though I'm sure he was afraid for my total well-being. Seriously. Kudos to him. On this trip, I discovered that this guy had a horrible car, horrible job, was mean to his mother, and didn't respect me like he should. But there I was, kissing him {excuse me while I go scrub that image out of my head… Yeah… I really hated that guy}. And wearing a fake engagement ring. Man, the blinders were on... He even gave me his letterman jacket {well, now that you’re 16…}.
* We got a joint phone plan. Hey, free talking time whenever we wanted. I would text him from work, he would call and leave me sappy voicemails. Honestly, though, we didn't know ANYTHING about each other {well, in his defense, “I’m an annoying psychopath” isn’t really a good opening line--unless you're a pasty vampire from a crappy series of novels, that is... then it works like a charm}.
* He came to visit me for Valentine's Day...I paid for half his plane ticket. (Stupid, so stupid!) We went and took pictures on Temple Square. He thought we should use them for our engagement photos. Looking at those pictures, he had a little head and we looked so weird sitting next to each other! I wish I still had them for a little show-and-tell... {and I wish I had them for blackmail} Also for Valentine's Day, we went and visited his sister who lives in Utah. And we all went out to dinner. The original plan was to go to Chuck-A-Rama {geez, if that was plan A, I don't even want to know what plan B was... oh wait}, but who knew it would be so busy on Valentine's Day? So we ended up at... Beto's. Romantic, eh? {Ohhhh, Beto’s. HA! Solid gold. Oh, Annie, he was a real winner, er, I mean, gourmand… Nothin’ says lovin’ like salmonella… The couple that crumples over in pain together, stays together…}
* I was planning on putting him through school. I was graduating that following Spring, so it worked out perfectly, that I would just work and he'd go to school, and I would fund it all. Problem: he wanted children right away {oh dear lord, the thought of sleeping with that skeezball just wigged me out something fierce. The thought of those Beto's-y fingers all over the place... Eeeeeewwwoaahhhh!}. Even bigger problem: I wasn't going to say no to this plan because I wanted so badly for him to love me that I was willing to sacrifice my entire existence and all of my sanity {a tendency you have thankfully overcome}.
My friends hated him {That’s me! That’s me! You know, what with my being conscious and all, it was kind of impossible to avoid...}. They wouldn't tell me at the time because they really wanted to be supportive of me {Annie, my dear, you were just too gung-ho to listen to reason or notice our disgust—I damn near strained my neck irreparably giving Lisa so many sideways glances and looks of horror}, but now we joke and laugh (and shudder) about how close I came to ruining my life that year. My boss at the time even met him and told me later that he was so angry about the one small interaction they had. My mom cried herself to sleep nightly, afraid that I would be throwing away a good future. And you know what? They were all right. He was not for me. I would like to think that I would have grown up and figured out how smothering and horrible he was on my own...I'm just glad I didn't have to find that out. I can just about guarantee that I would be a divorcee by now if I'd gone through with it {and you’d be toting around little miscreants with his DNA… jam hands and all... "Yikes" just doesn't quite cover it...}.
He didn't want to leave California and move to Utah to be near me. Does anyone see a problem with this? {I don't know, if I were forced to have a relationship with Mr. X, I'm pretty sure I'd want at least a two state buffer.} There was some sort of lame excuse about him being able to move up in the company where he worked--mind you, it was a car dealership. His job? Driving the shuttle van and washing cars {Hey, he was moving up in the world, missy. He was practically a hero, in fact. Whenever a bug gets splattered on a windsheild, he'll be there. Any time a van needs, uh, shuttling...}. Sounds like you got your life all lined up there, buddy. I told him I'd find him a job here. He told me that I should leave my good job (that was turning to full time after I graduated) and go be with him there. "If you love me, you'll do it." Ugh. That's one of the worst phrases in human history. Don't be manipulative like that. {"Ugh" is right. Plus some eye-rolling, gagging, and possible suicide.}
People, this guy was an IDIOT {I like that you used all caps, Annie, just in case the first 800 lines of testimony weren't quite convincing enough}. I make it a point not to bash people on this blog, but I'm trying to prove a point here: don't be afraid to be yourself and find someone who will love you for that. He would always ask me how much weight I was going to lose before the wedding. {"I don't know, Mr. X, how high can you count?"} His wardrobe consisted of bad t-shirts and board shorts--his excuse? "I'm from California. I like to surf." Do you surf every day?! He hadn't done any school. His favorite movie was The Skulls (Lacy likes to remind me of that whenever we get talking about this—{what can I say? It’s a dealbreaker… among many, many, many dealbreakers}). He considered himself an artist {yeah, and I'm a cellist}, but his drawings were hideously awful. Everything had to be his way. He would even tell me how to dress and what I should think.
Slowly, I could feel him pulling away after a couple months of being 'engaged.' He hadn't bought me a ring, and he would yell at me any time I would talk about the future. He bandied the word 'stupid' about when he was addressing me. And I felt stupid. I should have known better, but I am the type of person who tries to fix problems instead of just dumping a relationship, so I figured I just need to work harder at it. So I tried. And it got worse. Lots of tears... lots of self-esteem down the drain... {Now what have learned from this? Always quit. It's a motto that has served me well for decades.}
I didn't love him. I loved the idea of him. During one of our phone conversations, he said, "You don't even know yourself." OUCH. So I sat down and made lists (it's what I do...) about who I was and goals I had and reasons I thought I wanted to be with him. I thought I had solved our relationship issues. I remember one night when he said, "What would you do if I said I didn't want to do this?" Silly me, I thought this was a hypothetical question, but I answered, "I wouldn't make you do it. It wouldn't be worth it." And it was a downward spiral from there {by which you mean an upward spiral to freedom and prosperity}. He stopped returning my calls. He stopped saying 'I love you.' When we did speak, it was very hostile and put me on edge.
Ultimately, he ended up breaking things off {when I tell this story, Annie, you’re the one who broke things off--I believe that's #106, 284 in the best friends handbook--which has clearly thought of everything}. And he did it in a particularly cruel way: over a voicemail that said, "Don't you understand English? It's OVER!!" {That's absurd anyway you slice it, but coming from him? Beyond ridiculous. Every time I've heard anything about the break up, I can hear Mr. X in my head saying, "Me fail English? That's unpossible."} I was devastated the first couple days. I packed up a box of his things and sent it back to him {with some anthrax, one would hope}, called the temple and cancelled our wedding appointment (July 2, 2005), and just called my sister and cried. My family was so supportive as I was dealing with this blow; my dad came and took me to dinner and spoke very wisely about some of his heartache. Everyone in my ward was so kind, especially when I had to say to them, "Oh no, I'm not getting married anymore." After awhile, I was able to laugh and say, "No! It's a good thing!" And I truly believed that.
It really doesn't take long to move on from something so bad for you. It's like after you've been sick and you haven't been able to eat, you have to ease back into normal diet routines, but you're just so grateful you can eat again. {Heh, I thought I was joking with the food poisoning correlation, but yeah, not so much.} I felt like I had been given a new chance at dating and finding someone who wouldn't try to control me or belittle me.
Since then, I know little to nothing of his whereabouts. What I do know is that he ended up getting married after all. To a girl who was a reformed stripper {it was clearly a choice of marry Mr. X or taking a tour on the Rock of Love Bus--oh, holy god, Brett Michaels or Mr. X...? That's actually a tough call... well, Conquest, War, Famine, Death... annnnd this.}. And after figuring out the timeline of how things went down for the two of them, it is quite possible that he was dating her while he was engaged to me. I have so many words for him at this point...but this is a clean blog post, so I will refrain. :) {My blog, however, is not so clean. Annie's ex was a tool/douchebag/dipshit/effing loser/ass face (much like Hurricane Paul).}
I learned so much about life and about myself from this experience. I know people say that all experiences will help you grow, but I didn't see how that was possible at the time. I see 'old me,' though, and I realize how far I've come from there. Firstly, I'd just like to say: being single is awesome. I've learned that I can be comfortable in my own skin, doing my own thing, being independent. Next, I now know that I would rather be single for the rest of my life rather than being with someone who is horrible. No matter what, I will never be so desperate again as to choose a guy who makes me feel like dirt. Life is definitely too short to be with someone who doesn't appreciate me.
And so as I go to sleep in my bed tonight--alone--I will smile...because I didn't get married.
{Now, Annie posted this clip below on her post as well, but believe me, it doesn't do Mr. X justice. I'd much rather have hooked up with crazy Eddie, goldfish crackers and all...}
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
GOAL!
Be forewarned, this story is really only funny if you know my mom. As such, read at your own peril (you know, of boredom or whatever).
When you watch as much television as I do, it's necessary to have rules and boundaries established for appropriate viewing conduct. These guidelines have changed and morphed over the years to suit everyone's (but mainly my) viewing needs, taking into account the quirks of fellow viewers and the technological advances (the godsend that is my DVR) that affect the viewing experience. These rules, if strictly observed, allow for the glory of television to be enjoyed as it was intended.
There are numerous rules which are observed, but none so important as raising your hand when you have a question. It may seem juvenile and petty, but believe me, given the two people with whom I watch most of my shows, it's absolutely essential.
You see, when you watch television with people who are easily confused (particularly for shows that involve complex storylines and lengthy story arcs), the only way to stem the tide of questions and not allow for such questions to ruin the viewing experience is to stop the show, call on the raised hand, answer the question, and move on. Otherwise, you (meaning "I") miss the next few minutes of show, thereby leaving me as confused as the question-asker. It quickly spirals down into an irritating session of the blind leading the blind and then no one enjoys anything at all.
Henceforth, the rule was imposed. It was first initiated during Alias, then codified during Veronica Mars--two shows that inevitably led to a hell of a lot of questions. I swear, it's a good thing Alias ended, because if I had to respond to, "Wait a minute, I thought she was dead/evil/Sydney's aunt/mother/cousin/former roommate/accountant..." one more time, I think I'd have killed myself. Please also bear in mind that my mother is the kind of person who will watch the opening scene of a movie, see a man on screen walking down a street, and lean over to me and ask, "Who's that?! Where is he going?!" To which my usual response is, "We don't know yet! I promise they'll tell us." So you can see where Alias and VM were just asking for trouble (read: annoying questions). My brother, while not quite as bad as my mother, also joins in on the question asking, although his confusion generally boils down to him not paying attention rather than jumping the gun on storylines.
The rule actually started out that they could only ask questions during commercial breaks (you know, back in the dark ages when we still had to watch commercial breaks) or that they had to raise a hand to get me to stop the tape and answer a question. You have no idea what kind of pressure it puts on me as a viewer to know that I'm going to undergo a comprehensive quiz every 8-10 minutes. It's always felt like one of those god-awful reading comprehensive tests that we had to take back in school. I'm forced to pay attention to the minutest of details, keep story arcs straight over several seasons, and basically predict the future when questions such as, "So, is he a bad guy?" arise and I have to base a theory on the previous dozen episodes.
It's taxing, believe me.
But also pretty funny a lot of the time.
So the other night my brother, mother, and I were watching ABC's Castle, which is a actually quite good, so you should totally check it out (it's a good, no pressure, little commitment kind of show). Anyway, about two minutes in, my brother raise
s a hand, I stop the DVR, and field his most frequently asked question, "So, what is this show about?" Easy enough to address when the show is in its third episode and has a very basic premise, but when he comes in half-way through the second season of Burn Notice, it's kind of ridiculous.
Anyway, about a half an hour later, Rick Castle (aka Nathan Fillion aka Malcolm Reynolds aka Cap'n Hammer), says that from the ancient Greek, the word "tragedy" literally means "goat song." I couldn't help but to crack up at my mother's reaction. Rather than raising a hand and asking me for the complete history of ancient Greece and it's linguistic origins, she threw both hands up in the air in what can only be described as, well... "GOOOOOOOAL!"
Unable to contain my delighted curiosity, I stopped the show, saw the look of enlightenment on her face, called on her, and got this as her relieved, awestruck, triumphant response, "I read some stupid book in college called Goat Song and I never knew why it was called that!" It was as though a tremendous burden had been lifted and she could finally go on with her life. I could practically see the lightbulb above her head.
Apparently the book was in fact a tragedy, so I guess the title is appropriate.
This is a woman who can't remember what movie she went to the night before, but somehow Goat Song lingered somewhere in the back of her head for over 40 years. Wow.
I think it's kind of like when you see a movie when you're a kid and then again as an adult and suddenly everything makes sense. There are few events more satisfying than, "Ohhh, so that's what that meant!"
Kudos, Castle. Kudos.
When you watch as much television as I do, it's necessary to have rules and boundaries established for appropriate viewing conduct. These guidelines have changed and morphed over the years to suit everyone's (but mainly my) viewing needs, taking into account the quirks of fellow viewers and the technological advances (the godsend that is my DVR) that affect the viewing experience. These rules, if strictly observed, allow for the glory of television to be enjoyed as it was intended.
There are numerous rules which are observed, but none so important as raising your hand when you have a question. It may seem juvenile and petty, but believe me, given the two people with whom I watch most of my shows, it's absolutely essential.
You see, when you watch television with people who are easily confused (particularly for shows that involve complex storylines and lengthy story arcs), the only way to stem the tide of questions and not allow for such questions to ruin the viewing experience is to stop the show, call on the raised hand, answer the question, and move on. Otherwise, you (meaning "I") miss the next few minutes of show, thereby leaving me as confused as the question-asker. It quickly spirals down into an irritating session of the blind leading the blind and then no one enjoys anything at all.Henceforth, the rule was imposed. It was first initiated during Alias, then codified during Veronica Mars--two shows that inevitably led to a hell of a lot of questions. I swear, it's a good thing Alias ended, because if I had to respond to, "Wait a minute, I thought she was dead/evil/Sydney's aunt/mother/cousin/former roommate/accountant..." one more time, I think I'd have killed myself. Please also bear in mind that my mother is the kind of person who will watch the opening scene of a movie, see a man on screen walking down a street, and lean over to me and ask, "Who's that?! Where is he going?!" To which my usual response is, "We don't know yet! I promise they'll tell us." So you can see where Alias and VM were just asking for trouble (read: annoying questions). My brother, while not quite as bad as my mother, also joins in on the question asking, although his confusion generally boils down to him not paying attention rather than jumping the gun on storylines.
The rule actually started out that they could only ask questions during commercial breaks (you know, back in the dark ages when we still had to watch commercial breaks) or that they had to raise a hand to get me to stop the tape and answer a question. You have no idea what kind of pressure it puts on me as a viewer to know that I'm going to undergo a comprehensive quiz every 8-10 minutes. It's always felt like one of those god-awful reading comprehensive tests that we had to take back in school. I'm forced to pay attention to the minutest of details, keep story arcs straight over several seasons, and basically predict the future when questions such as, "So, is he a bad guy?" arise and I have to base a theory on the previous dozen episodes.
It's taxing, believe me.
But also pretty funny a lot of the time.
So the other night my brother, mother, and I were watching ABC's Castle, which is a actually quite good, so you should totally check it out (it's a good, no pressure, little commitment kind of show). Anyway, about two minutes in, my brother raise
s a hand, I stop the DVR, and field his most frequently asked question, "So, what is this show about?" Easy enough to address when the show is in its third episode and has a very basic premise, but when he comes in half-way through the second season of Burn Notice, it's kind of ridiculous.Anyway, about a half an hour later, Rick Castle (aka Nathan Fillion aka Malcolm Reynolds aka Cap'n Hammer), says that from the ancient Greek, the word "tragedy" literally means "goat song." I couldn't help but to crack up at my mother's reaction. Rather than raising a hand and asking me for the complete history of ancient Greece and it's linguistic origins, she threw both hands up in the air in what can only be described as, well... "GOOOOOOOAL!"
Unable to contain my delighted curiosity, I stopped the show, saw the look of enlightenment on her face, called on her, and got this as her relieved, awestruck, triumphant response, "I read some stupid book in college called Goat Song and I never knew why it was called that!" It was as though a tremendous burden had been lifted and she could finally go on with her life. I could practically see the lightbulb above her head.
Apparently the book was in fact a tragedy, so I guess the title is appropriate.
This is a woman who can't remember what movie she went to the night before, but somehow Goat Song lingered somewhere in the back of her head for over 40 years. Wow.
I think it's kind of like when you see a movie when you're a kid and then again as an adult and suddenly everything makes sense. There are few events more satisfying than, "Ohhh, so that's what that meant!"
Kudos, Castle. Kudos.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
25 Random Things
Here's that thing that we've all filled out on Facebook. I figured I'd put it here as well. "Yee" and "haw" in quick succession...
1. I only decided to write this because my brother and his friends are watching Battlestar Galactica at the moment. I plan to watch the series eventually, but not right now.
2. Ironically enough, given my oh-so-cheery (read: dejected, disillusioned, and weary) outlook toward life, my blood type is B+. (As though the very cells that course through my body wish I had a better attitude--yeah, well, bite me, blood cells. It ain't gonna happen.)
3. I watch a lot of TV (not that that comes as a shock to anyone). I have a fairly complex hierarchy of show importance that places shows into one of three tiers. In the first tier, I mentally place my favorite shows, the ones I watch the night they're on and can't wait for week to week. In the second tier go the shows I enjoy and keep up with consistently, but that get viewed later in the week, but always before the next episode. And in the sad, sorry third tier go my rainy day shows. These are the only I let build up on my DVR until I'm so desperate for something to watch that I fire them up. (The fourth tier can't be mentioned in polite company... it's where shows go to die.)
4. I applied for a new job today. I had to submit a resume and a cover letter. I tried to take the cover letter seriously, I really did, but after the first three lines, it quickly devolved into my usual smartassery. As you can see from my most recent status update, I literally ended the cover letter with, "In short, I believe I would make for an unutterably resplendent administrator. Word." I still kinda can't believe I ended it with, "Word." My boss is insanely awesome, however, and he loved it.
5. I jump on my trampoline everyday--and when I say everyday, I mean EVERY day. I jump on the trampoline (a full-sized, rectangular (very important) trampoline that's in my backyard) no matter the weather conditions or time of night. I shovel the trampoline in the winter and have backup mats and springs at the ready in case of an emergency. Yes, I'm that pathetic.
6. And quirky. I only ever jump on the trampoline in a counterclockwise rotation. I don't know why...
7. I hate people who walk on the treadmills at the gym. Seriously people, if you're planning to leisurely walk at 3 miles per hour, go up to the track. The real runners actually put the treadmills to good use.
8. I have a hard time finishing Dickens' novels. I love his writing, I really do, but when you're 478 pages into Bleak House and you have 512 to go, it's hard to keep going. I'm currently in the middle of no fewer than 4 Dickens' novels. I think the only ones I've ever finished were Oliver Twist and Great Expectations.
9. I'm a little bit psychic (and you're a little bit rock and roll--sorry, I have Osmonds-induced Tourette's). Seriously though, every now and then I come up with something out of thin air that leads me to believe I have a sixth sense. For example, I was suffering through another mind-numbing day of junior high when one of my teachers noted the languor the class was exhibiting. She looked around and said, "What's with you guys, you look so..." but before she finished the sentence, I thought to myself, "Peaked. We look peaked." And lo and behold, the word she finally chose was "peaked." If it were a more common word, I wouldn't have thought much of it, but honestly, how often do you refer to 8th graders as looking peaked? Most recently, on Dirty Sexy Money, one of the characters was trying to figure out the three digit combination to a suit case. I guessed it immediately (and it wasn't like it was a number that had been heard on the show or anything--it came out of nowhere). What are the odds? Those are two of many, many more instances. Bear in mind that these powers never help me with anything that actually matters, by the way (you know, like lotto numbers).
10. In a similar vein, I suppose, I am quite good at guessing prices. My mother is a bit of a penny pincher, so when she comes across something she feels is outrageously priced, she'll turn to me and ask me to guess how much it costs. She's always so disappointed when I guess exactly right (which is surprisingly often). One time she asked me to guess the price of a box of vanilla wafers. Upon guessing correctly, to the cent ($3.69), she balked and started turning the box over to see if it were written somewhere.
11. I write down new words that I hear and look them up as soon as possible. I usually end up writing them on my hand (the "hand"iest thing available--sorry, that was shameless). So, if you're sitting next to me on the bus and you have the preternatural skill needed to read my handwriting, you'll have to wonder what exactly I'm shopping for with a list like, "timorous, bathos, pavid, de riguerur, and sequela" written on the back of my hand.
12. I love little furniture. There's nothing more comfortable than one of those little kid sofa chairs.
13. My favorite part of the Christmas season is pretending to close my eyes when my mother enters a room. "Quick! Close your eyes! Hurry, Mom, hide the presents!" What makes it so much fun is that my mom gets hilariously flustered and says, "Oh, for crying out loud, I don't have any presents!" It cracks me up every time.
14. When I was in the fifth grade, at my parent-teacher-student evaluation whateverness, the only thing my teacher could to to put under the section for "Room for Improvement" was "Be less cynical." So yeah, I've been like this at least since I was 10.
15. I have no known allergies. Although overly ripe cantaloupe does make my mouth feel kind of scratchy.
16. My dream job would be to sing and dance on broadway. Now if only I could sing, dance, or act...
17. I have never broken a bone. (Which, given my affinity for the trampoline, is kind of a miracle.)
18. For the longest time I've been certain that I won't make it to my 30th birthday. On a related note, both the Mayans and Nostradamus believe the world will end in 2012. Guess what year I turn 30... Eerily prophetic, yes? I'll let you know how it turns out. Or I won't...
19. In spite of being a truly terrible student all through school, I always got very good grades. People thought I was smart, but I really just knew how to work the system. Whenever I'm watching Jeopardy, I can't help but think I'd be a whole lot smarter if I had actually studied. Ever.
20. I can stand up from an "Indian style" sitting position without using my hands at all. I thought this was something everyone could do, but as it turns out, I'm in the minority.
21. I have what I call an "intuitive filing system" for remembering things. I almost never write down dates and times or anything else for that matter and simply rely on my intuitive filing system to keep track of everything. I have never kept a planner, don't use a blackberry or other such PDA, and the only things I write down on my calendar are TV related. It works surprisingly well, I'll have you know. It usually occurs to me that something needs to be done just in time for me to do it.
22. I've always wished I were artistic, but I'm a quitter through and through and if something doesn't come easily to me, I'd generally give up rather than tough it out.
23. My favorite color is orange (not the I'm-a-goin'-huntin' orange, but rather a light, peachy orange).
24. The setting for about 70% of my dreams is in a hotel (well, the dreams I remember anyway).
25. I have no desire to EVER have children. I honestly don't understand those who do...
1. I only decided to write this because my brother and his friends are watching Battlestar Galactica at the moment. I plan to watch the series eventually, but not right now.
2. Ironically enough, given my oh-so-cheery (read: dejected, disillusioned, and weary) outlook toward life, my blood type is B+. (As though the very cells that course through my body wish I had a better attitude--yeah, well, bite me, blood cells. It ain't gonna happen.)
3. I watch a lot of TV (not that that comes as a shock to anyone). I have a fairly complex hierarchy of show importance that places shows into one of three tiers. In the first tier, I mentally place my favorite shows, the ones I watch the night they're on and can't wait for week to week. In the second tier go the shows I enjoy and keep up with consistently, but that get viewed later in the week, but always before the next episode. And in the sad, sorry third tier go my rainy day shows. These are the only I let build up on my DVR until I'm so desperate for something to watch that I fire them up. (The fourth tier can't be mentioned in polite company... it's where shows go to die.)
4. I applied for a new job today. I had to submit a resume and a cover letter. I tried to take the cover letter seriously, I really did, but after the first three lines, it quickly devolved into my usual smartassery. As you can see from my most recent status update, I literally ended the cover letter with, "In short, I believe I would make for an unutterably resplendent administrator. Word." I still kinda can't believe I ended it with, "Word." My boss is insanely awesome, however, and he loved it.
5. I jump on my trampoline everyday--and when I say everyday, I mean EVERY day. I jump on the trampoline (a full-sized, rectangular (very important) trampoline that's in my backyard) no matter the weather conditions or time of night. I shovel the trampoline in the winter and have backup mats and springs at the ready in case of an emergency. Yes, I'm that pathetic.
6. And quirky. I only ever jump on the trampoline in a counterclockwise rotation. I don't know why...
7. I hate people who walk on the treadmills at the gym. Seriously people, if you're planning to leisurely walk at 3 miles per hour, go up to the track. The real runners actually put the treadmills to good use.
8. I have a hard time finishing Dickens' novels. I love his writing, I really do, but when you're 478 pages into Bleak House and you have 512 to go, it's hard to keep going. I'm currently in the middle of no fewer than 4 Dickens' novels. I think the only ones I've ever finished were Oliver Twist and Great Expectations.
9. I'm a little bit psychic (and you're a little bit rock and roll--sorry, I have Osmonds-induced Tourette's). Seriously though, every now and then I come up with something out of thin air that leads me to believe I have a sixth sense. For example, I was suffering through another mind-numbing day of junior high when one of my teachers noted the languor the class was exhibiting. She looked around and said, "What's with you guys, you look so..." but before she finished the sentence, I thought to myself, "Peaked. We look peaked." And lo and behold, the word she finally chose was "peaked." If it were a more common word, I wouldn't have thought much of it, but honestly, how often do you refer to 8th graders as looking peaked? Most recently, on Dirty Sexy Money, one of the characters was trying to figure out the three digit combination to a suit case. I guessed it immediately (and it wasn't like it was a number that had been heard on the show or anything--it came out of nowhere). What are the odds? Those are two of many, many more instances. Bear in mind that these powers never help me with anything that actually matters, by the way (you know, like lotto numbers).
10. In a similar vein, I suppose, I am quite good at guessing prices. My mother is a bit of a penny pincher, so when she comes across something she feels is outrageously priced, she'll turn to me and ask me to guess how much it costs. She's always so disappointed when I guess exactly right (which is surprisingly often). One time she asked me to guess the price of a box of vanilla wafers. Upon guessing correctly, to the cent ($3.69), she balked and started turning the box over to see if it were written somewhere.
11. I write down new words that I hear and look them up as soon as possible. I usually end up writing them on my hand (the "hand"iest thing available--sorry, that was shameless). So, if you're sitting next to me on the bus and you have the preternatural skill needed to read my handwriting, you'll have to wonder what exactly I'm shopping for with a list like, "timorous, bathos, pavid, de riguerur, and sequela" written on the back of my hand.
12. I love little furniture. There's nothing more comfortable than one of those little kid sofa chairs.
13. My favorite part of the Christmas season is pretending to close my eyes when my mother enters a room. "Quick! Close your eyes! Hurry, Mom, hide the presents!" What makes it so much fun is that my mom gets hilariously flustered and says, "Oh, for crying out loud, I don't have any presents!" It cracks me up every time.
14. When I was in the fifth grade, at my parent-teacher-student evaluation whateverness, the only thing my teacher could to to put under the section for "Room for Improvement" was "Be less cynical." So yeah, I've been like this at least since I was 10.
15. I have no known allergies. Although overly ripe cantaloupe does make my mouth feel kind of scratchy.
16. My dream job would be to sing and dance on broadway. Now if only I could sing, dance, or act...
17. I have never broken a bone. (Which, given my affinity for the trampoline, is kind of a miracle.)
18. For the longest time I've been certain that I won't make it to my 30th birthday. On a related note, both the Mayans and Nostradamus believe the world will end in 2012. Guess what year I turn 30... Eerily prophetic, yes? I'll let you know how it turns out. Or I won't...
19. In spite of being a truly terrible student all through school, I always got very good grades. People thought I was smart, but I really just knew how to work the system. Whenever I'm watching Jeopardy, I can't help but think I'd be a whole lot smarter if I had actually studied. Ever.
20. I can stand up from an "Indian style" sitting position without using my hands at all. I thought this was something everyone could do, but as it turns out, I'm in the minority.
21. I have what I call an "intuitive filing system" for remembering things. I almost never write down dates and times or anything else for that matter and simply rely on my intuitive filing system to keep track of everything. I have never kept a planner, don't use a blackberry or other such PDA, and the only things I write down on my calendar are TV related. It works surprisingly well, I'll have you know. It usually occurs to me that something needs to be done just in time for me to do it.
22. I've always wished I were artistic, but I'm a quitter through and through and if something doesn't come easily to me, I'd generally give up rather than tough it out.
23. My favorite color is orange (not the I'm-a-goin'-huntin' orange, but rather a light, peachy orange).
24. The setting for about 70% of my dreams is in a hotel (well, the dreams I remember anyway).
25. I have no desire to EVER have children. I honestly don't understand those who do...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Oh, just give him the damn cupcakes already!
This clip cracks me up every time. It's so sad! And yet... completely hilarious. Poor dog. All he wants is a cupcake! Come on, just give it to him!
What kind of heartless monster could look at that sad little face and NOT give him one?! Just one little cupcake! Oh, wait, Victoria Stillwell (which, could her name possibly sound more British?) And who names their dog Stains? I mean really. (That "sentence" makes sense when I say it in my head, but seeing it written down just looks wrong... probably because it is. Whatever. You get the idea.)
Anyway, in case a poor dog salivating over cupcakes isn't exactly your cup of tea, the clip below isn't as funny, but it's entertaining nonetheless. I stumbled across it the other day in a list of viral videos and figured I'd help the virus spread. Enjoy!
I really enjoy the little old ladies rockin' out with the umbrella (or was it a cane?). Either way, good times.
What kind of heartless monster could look at that sad little face and NOT give him one?! Just one little cupcake! Oh, wait, Victoria Stillwell (which, could her name possibly sound more British?) And who names their dog Stains? I mean really. (That "sentence" makes sense when I say it in my head, but seeing it written down just looks wrong... probably because it is. Whatever. You get the idea.)
Anyway, in case a poor dog salivating over cupcakes isn't exactly your cup of tea, the clip below isn't as funny, but it's entertaining nonetheless. I stumbled across it the other day in a list of viral videos and figured I'd help the virus spread. Enjoy!
I really enjoy the little old ladies rockin' out with the umbrella (or was it a cane?). Either way, good times.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
F, XOXO -L
Spotted: F bringing a smile to L's face. :)Ha! A big shout out to F, who, after completely reaming me on her blog earlier this week, totally made my day with her newest post.
When I saw the image that was frozen on the video player, I really didn't know what to expect... But leave it to F to find the perfect clip. What better way to say, "I love you," than with the gift of a kid getting hit by a door. Shown again and again. And then in slow motion.
XOXO!
L
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Prop 8--The Musical
For those of you out there who were as dismayed and disappointed that Prop 8 (or as I call it, "Prop Hate") passed as I was, please enjoy the clip below. It doesn't erase the bigotry, but it helps ease the pain.
My only other consolation is that I fully expect this will be a non-issue in 10 years and people will look back with incredulity that society was ever so backwards. I look at the moral outrage over miscegenation a few decades ago and it's hard to even fathom. Today, it's unbelievable that interracial marriage was ever a controversial issue and I'm holding out some optimism that gay marriage will follow suit. I'm very hopeful that in the coming years the prejudice and bigotry will be overcome and that reason and equality will prevail.
I believe in equal rights and privileges for all people of all backgrounds and the thought that people are still trying to subjugate others to a station that is lesser than their own makes me physically ill. Here's hoping for better things to come.
See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die
My only other consolation is that I fully expect this will be a non-issue in 10 years and people will look back with incredulity that society was ever so backwards. I look at the moral outrage over miscegenation a few decades ago and it's hard to even fathom. Today, it's unbelievable that interracial marriage was ever a controversial issue and I'm holding out some optimism that gay marriage will follow suit. I'm very hopeful that in the coming years the prejudice and bigotry will be overcome and that reason and equality will prevail.
I believe in equal rights and privileges for all people of all backgrounds and the thought that people are still trying to subjugate others to a station that is lesser than their own makes me physically ill. Here's hoping for better things to come.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Oh, Ann
Thanks to my dear friend Ann, items such as cookies and lattes have been forever altered (read: given a theme song). I guess it's my penance for completely goofifying words for her like "turkey" and "bus." With the holidays in full swing, cookies are even more prevalent at my house than usual (which is saying something, because really, my mom kind of sets the bar--which I believe is a Clark Bar). Every time I see or smell cookies in the house, I now have the following go through my head:
It's adorable, and bizarre, and funny. And if it's even possible, it's even more adorable and bizarre when Ann sings it...
That little gem entered my lexicon at Disneyworld while we were waiting for fireworks by Cinderella's Castle. Ann was waxing delicious about cookies and got that damn cucumber stuck in our heads for the rest of the night. It was totally worth it, however, because in pure Milana-esque serendipity, Jack arrived with cookies mere minutes afterward. Hot chocolate too. It truly is the most magical place on earth...
Oh, and yes, Ann knows every word. The way she sings, "'Cause I've got cookies! Three yummy cookies!" and "Be-cause it's Christmas" is hilarious. And she totally puts the lisp into the "Oh, Thanta" too... Solid gold.
Even before the word "cookie" had taken on its own enthusiastic theme song, the word "latte" was delight-ified when Ann played the following for me en route to dinner with the girls (you know, her old friends Annie and Kati... whom she was meeting for the first time).
This is also a shout out to my darling Olive from Pushing Daisies. You will be missed.
I love Kristin Chenoweth. :) But yeah, I was walking through Bed Bath & Beyond the other day and they had a latte machine that elicited some unwarranted giggles as a result of this song.
"Who 'da thought love could be so caffeinated?" Awesome. So long, Olive. I hope you find another gig that allows for singing the way Pushing Daisies did.
It's adorable, and bizarre, and funny. And if it's even possible, it's even more adorable and bizarre when Ann sings it...
That little gem entered my lexicon at Disneyworld while we were waiting for fireworks by Cinderella's Castle. Ann was waxing delicious about cookies and got that damn cucumber stuck in our heads for the rest of the night. It was totally worth it, however, because in pure Milana-esque serendipity, Jack arrived with cookies mere minutes afterward. Hot chocolate too. It truly is the most magical place on earth...
Oh, and yes, Ann knows every word. The way she sings, "'Cause I've got cookies! Three yummy cookies!" and "Be-cause it's Christmas" is hilarious. And she totally puts the lisp into the "Oh, Thanta" too... Solid gold.
Even before the word "cookie" had taken on its own enthusiastic theme song, the word "latte" was delight-ified when Ann played the following for me en route to dinner with the girls (you know, her old friends Annie and Kati... whom she was meeting for the first time).
This is also a shout out to my darling Olive from Pushing Daisies. You will be missed.
I love Kristin Chenoweth. :) But yeah, I was walking through Bed Bath & Beyond the other day and they had a latte machine that elicited some unwarranted giggles as a result of this song.
"Who 'da thought love could be so caffeinated?" Awesome. So long, Olive. I hope you find another gig that allows for singing the way Pushing Daisies did.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Old People are No Good at EVERYTHING
So I finally got around to voting yesterday. Oy. It was yet another sobering reminder that old people can't be trusted to do anything quickly or effectively. My mother and I stopped by the Centerville Library (which can I just say? For a new library, it's pretty pathetic) for the much lauded "early voting" initiative only to find a line winding its way clear back to the periodicals. Such a line was off-putting to say the least, but I promised Milana I would vote (in spite of the fact that my vote doesn't, never has, and never will actually matter).
The fact that said line was teeming with old people didn't bolster my confiden
ce. The fact that old people were running the whole operation was even less encouraging. If people under 30 were running the joint, I'd have been out of there in 5 minutes. With the barrage of shawls, walkers, canes, and dementia present, however, we were there for over 45 minutes. I kid you not, it took nearly an hour to complete a task that could completed in your sleep (and I think for some of the old folks in attendance, probably was).
If there's one thing old people are really good at, it's figuring out new technology. Yeah, not so much... Seriously, when I finally got the voting area, I took my key card, fired up the terminal, and was done voting in about a minute. Even my mother (whom you may remember from such events as: dragging the mouse to the bottom of the mousepad and then not knowing what to do; trying to access her email account by typing her password into the address line of her browser; asking questions like, "So wait, how are there folders inside the camera?" and "What's a hulu?") managed to figure it out, and as you can clearly see, she has a pretty shady track record with technology. It was really that easy.
Or so I thought.
I'm pretty sure these are the people who were running the operation or at very least, the children of the people in line. I know, I know, they look like veritable paragons of speed and efficiency.
The reasons it took forever and a day to get through the line were fully illuminated in a matter of minutes. Some old guy next to me fumbled around trying to insert the access card into every nook and cranny of the terminal until he finally asked the lady for help, another guy basically strong-armed the proctor lady into voting for him, and some old woman may as well have hosted a knitting seminar in the time it took her to cast a ballot. Oy.
Anyway, I finally voted. The only two resolutions that I cared about (the zoo and the aviary) apparently don't apply to my district, so I didn't even get to vote on those. My vote for president doesn't actually matter in this state (thank you ridiculous electoral college), but at least I can cancel out the vote of some gun-toting, Hummer-driving conservative, so that's a plus. :)
Good luck with your own voting endeavors. I recommend you spend some time (read: several excruciating hours) at the senior center in preparation for your trip. BYOD (Bring your own defibrillator).
The fact that said line was teeming with old people didn't bolster my confiden
ce. The fact that old people were running the whole operation was even less encouraging. If people under 30 were running the joint, I'd have been out of there in 5 minutes. With the barrage of shawls, walkers, canes, and dementia present, however, we were there for over 45 minutes. I kid you not, it took nearly an hour to complete a task that could completed in your sleep (and I think for some of the old folks in attendance, probably was).If there's one thing old people are really good at, it's figuring out new technology. Yeah, not so much... Seriously, when I finally got the voting area, I took my key card, fired up the terminal, and was done voting in about a minute. Even my mother (whom you may remember from such events as: dragging the mouse to the bottom of the mousepad and then not knowing what to do; trying to access her email account by typing her password into the address line of her browser; asking questions like, "So wait, how are there folders inside the camera?" and "What's a hulu?") managed to figure it out, and as you can clearly see, she has a pretty shady track record with technology. It was really that easy.
Or so I thought.
I'm pretty sure these are the people who were running the operation or at very least, the children of the people in line. I know, I know, they look like veritable paragons of speed and efficiency.
The reasons it took forever and a day to get through the line were fully illuminated in a matter of minutes. Some old guy next to me fumbled around trying to insert the access card into every nook and cranny of the terminal until he finally asked the lady for help, another guy basically strong-armed the proctor lady into voting for him, and some old woman may as well have hosted a knitting seminar in the time it took her to cast a ballot. Oy.
Anyway, I finally voted. The only two resolutions that I cared about (the zoo and the aviary) apparently don't apply to my district, so I didn't even get to vote on those. My vote for president doesn't actually matter in this state (thank you ridiculous electoral college), but at least I can cancel out the vote of some gun-toting, Hummer-driving conservative, so that's a plus. :)
Good luck with your own voting endeavors. I recommend you spend some time (read: several excruciating hours) at the senior center in preparation for your trip. BYOD (Bring your own defibrillator).
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Get out of my head!!!
Yeah, so that episode of Seinfeld was on the other day with George's answering machine message, so for the better part of the week, I've been stuck on this (thanks a lot, Seinfeld):
Not that that's the worst thing in the world to be stuck on (see below), but seriously, it just won't stop! And now I'm guessing you're in a similar boat. Muahahaha! What can I say? Misery actually does love company.
And, in an even more sadistic turn of events, if George's answering machine message wasn't enough to get stuck in your head, here are some other brain-sticky options:
Here's a classic for you:
And the even more insidiously catchy version:
And in case you're looking for something a little less wholesome to get stuck in your head (spontaneously naked Dumbledore notwithstanding), here are a couple of non-G-Rated options (you’ve been warned):
Sarah Silverman's NOT G-Rated Music Video:
Jimmie Kimmel's also NOT G-Rated Response:
If I have to suffer with something stuck in my head, then so does everybody else!!!
Not that that's the worst thing in the world to be stuck on (see below), but seriously, it just won't stop! And now I'm guessing you're in a similar boat. Muahahaha! What can I say? Misery actually does love company.
And, in an even more sadistic turn of events, if George's answering machine message wasn't enough to get stuck in your head, here are some other brain-sticky options:
Here's a classic for you:
And the even more insidiously catchy version:
And in case you're looking for something a little less wholesome to get stuck in your head (spontaneously naked Dumbledore notwithstanding), here are a couple of non-G-Rated options (you’ve been warned):
Sarah Silverman's NOT G-Rated Music Video:
Jimmie Kimmel's also NOT G-Rated Response:
If I have to suffer with something stuck in my head, then so does everybody else!!!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
It just gets worse and worse...
Not only is Sarah Palin a moron (and is she EVER), she has no respect for the rights of others and even her running-mate's positions. She must be stopped, people. Frightening.
AND, if you want to see what Sarah "I'll like to use a lifeline" Palin would have named you if you were unlucky (we're talking devastatingly so) enough to be in her brood, go HERE for the Sarah Palin's Offspring Name Generator.
I would have been Gripper Carom Palin.
Wow, I never thought I'd appreciate my real name and family origins so very, very much.
Oh, and Ann, my dear, you'd be Puck Mule Palin. Ha! It's okay, Lisa R. would have been Pump Bust Palin and Blair would have been Cheney Locomotive Palin. Hehehe... ;)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saddest part? Palin actually is this stupid...
Hey peeps... The presidential race just gets scarier and scarier. The thought of McCain as president is bad enough, but the knowledge that he probably won't survive the next four years sends a cold shudder down my spine. In the horrifying event that the McCain/Palin ticket makes it to the Whitehouse and McCain keels over dead (as 72-year-old cardiac patients are wont to do), we would actually be faced with the apocalyptic prospect of having Sarah Palin running the joint... I don't know how many of you saw the Katie Couric interview with Palin, but it was positively disturbing to watch. Sarah Palin makes George Bush look well-informed and articulate. Those are words I never thought would escape my lips (or, you know, keyboard).
The clip below is really hilarious and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler knock another one out of the park, but the fact that the spoof and the actual transcripts of the interview are pretty much the same thing is sobering and terrifying. She really is just about the dumbest person alive. Wow.
Not that I think a soccer mom/beauty contestant who thinks dinosaurs lived 4,000 years ago shouldn't be president or anything, but... wait, no, that is what I think. The woman really thinks that proximity to Russia constitutes foreign policy experience! Does she realize that all the actual Russian politics occur clear over on the other side of the largest country on earth? I'm going to go out on a limb and say no, no she doesn't. Oy. She must be one of those people Miss South Carolina was lamenting...
The clip below is really hilarious and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler knock another one out of the park, but the fact that the spoof and the actual transcripts of the interview are pretty much the same thing is sobering and terrifying. She really is just about the dumbest person alive. Wow.
Not that I think a soccer mom/beauty contestant who thinks dinosaurs lived 4,000 years ago shouldn't be president or anything, but... wait, no, that is what I think. The woman really thinks that proximity to Russia constitutes foreign policy experience! Does she realize that all the actual Russian politics occur clear over on the other side of the largest country on earth? I'm going to go out on a limb and say no, no she doesn't. Oy. She must be one of those people Miss South Carolina was lamenting...
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Spot On! Tina Fey, we love you...
This is one of the funniest SNL skits I've seen in a long LONG time. Tina Fey's impression of Sarah "What global warming?" Palin is phenomenal. I do have to weep for humanity that anyone ANYWHERE thinks Palin has the experience to be president, but clips like this help ease the pain.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Adorable Failures
I came across these and they completely cracked me up. I'm a big animal-lover, however, so I'm guessing I found them more charming than most will (except Flavia, who blows me out of the water). :) The picture of the dog trying to catch the ball gets me every time. I'm not even sure why. Anyway, enjoy!
Monday, August 25, 2008
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