I hate that show! And yet...

...I keep watching. Sometimes you just can't help yourself.

Hello my darling blog-readers (both of you). I kind of fell of the radar for a while there, but it has nothing to do with TV. If anything, TV is one of the few things keeping me from hurling myself in front of a bus. For various, mostly health-related reasons, my life has fallen apart around me, now largely comprised of teeny, tiny shards of bitterness and ugly crying. I finally gave up on ever feeling better ever again about a month ago and kinda, sorta stopped caring about most aspects of my life. Including blogging. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even TV lost some of its luster and my enthusiasm for ranting and raving about it on this blog fell by the wayside. Seriously, you know those commercials for anti-depressants that have people sitting by windows wearing cable-knit sweaters and staring off into space? And then a sad, but eager dog walks into the room with a ball or a leash or something and the person feels even worse? That's pretty much where I've been lately. I always thought those ads were just cheesy, but after the year I've had, I've honestly starting thinking that maybe, just maybe, depression hurts, but Cymbalta can help. Well played, manipulative advertisers!

Anyway, that's all really just a preamble to the actual blogpost about shows I hate, but still watch. Unless of course, you majored in English and assume that I'm viewing my own experiences through the lens of television, translating the pathetic heap that is my life into a theoretical construct whereby I'm the star of my own show and it's a show I hate. 'Cause, you know, that's just how we roll. My inability to stop watching or help myself is manifested in the kind of show that you wish you could break up with, but simply can't. Much like these!:

PARENTHOOD
My brother and I both end up watching this show, but note frequently how much we hate it. My willingness to watch a show that annoys the ever-loving shit out of me somewhat spurs from the fact that the show is in an uncrowded timeslot (now that The Good Wife has moved to Sundays), but more than anything, this show is, far and away, the show I most love talking about just how much I hate it. There are just so many layers and facets to my hatred for the show! How could I give that up? The girls at work and I rehash the shows many non-sensical fights, juvenile decision-making skills, and impatient story-telling with a fair bit of fervor the following day and while the show drives me up the effing wall, the discussions make it all worth it. Why do I hate this show that show many critics and fans adore? The short version is that 1) the adults on this show act like petulant junior high school students, 2) the show has a sprawling cast of annoying characters, only a few of which do I care about, and most important of all, 3) the writers refuse to take their time. I could forgive a lot of the ridiculous fighting between family members (although holy shit, if my family fought this often, I'd have killed myself years ago) if the reasons for the fights were established in a more logical, deliberate fashion. Most recently, the show introduced Rachel, the young sexy secretary at the Luncheonette, much to the chagrin of new-mom Christina. Okay, fine. Sure it's a story that's as old as time, but I tried to be open-minded. Turns out, I should have been more cautious. The writers could have established Rachel over time as a real person that the audience actually cares about, but instead they tossed her into the mix as a cardboard cut-out sexpot with no personality or individuality. What's worse, they went for the inappropriate kiss with Adam like, the next week. Even worse than that, the writers immediately turned Christina's and Adam's marriage nuclear as a result. UGH. More than anything, I hate Parenthood because it could be so, so good, and it just isn't. The writers refuse to let the tension build, they seem pathologically unable to set up conflicts that make a whole lot of sense, and they go straight for the explosion without even lighting the fuse. If this were a comedy, they'd be hitting the punchline without telling the joke. When you deliver the punchline early, it's not funny. When you jump to the knock-down, drag-out argument without establishing the reasons, it loses most of its impact. This is basically the boy who cried wolf, only with childish, petty adults bitching at one another over nothing. After a while, you just stop listening. Had the writers taken their time with the Rachel storyline, played is slowly and subtly, allowing viewers to become invested in her as a character and allowing Christina's suspicions and insecurities build, the fight between her and Adam could have been devastating and gripping. As is, it's just another Tuesday at the Braverman house where Christina is the stereotypical nag and her husband is the hapless saint. Man alive, you'd think that people who fight this often would be better at it, but most of Christina's arguments fell flat or had no foundation and that just makes her unlikable and unsympathetic. When I take a step back and build up the necessary foundation in my head for Christina's instability and nervous breakdown, it honestly does make sense to me. But as it's presented, it just feels like the writers were too afraid to really examine what's going on with her and just went for the fireworks instead. For me, watching someone's gradual breakdown is far more gripping than a bickering match, but maybe that's just me. Shows like Breaking Bad and The Good Wife take their time. They slow-play the tension for as long as they can, tightening the noose, turning the knife, till the conflict boils over. When that's where an argument comes from, it's mesmerizing. With Parenthood? It's pat. I would love for the writers to take a chance on subtlety and let the storylines really simmer for a while. Were I writing the Rachel arc, I would have established her as a person the audience actually cares about while at the same time illuminating Adam's frustrations with his marriage and Christina's insecurities. When the time came for the kiss (assuming I'm following the basic structure they already took), I would have had the circumstances be more ambiguous. As is, this poor girl got drunk, pretty much accidentally kissed her boss and felt completely foolish over the whole thing. I'm sorry, that's just not grounds for World War III even if Adam did lie to her about firing Rachel. If I were writing this, I would have had the kiss be more of a kiss, made Adam's response to it more conflicted and uncertain, then had him downplay it's importance to Christina (assuming we live in a world where he ever would have told her in the first place). That way, when he and Christina fight, she's had time to get more and more justifiably concerned about the situation, he's had time to get conflicted about his own feelings, and Rachel is someone whose fate I'm actually invested in. When you go straight for the big finish, I don't sympathize with Christina, Adam just seems like a dolt, and I can barely remember Rachel's name. The show really could be awesome, much like the executive producer's previous project Friday Night Lights, but instead, it seems like an abridged Lifetime movie or a never-ending serious of "previously on" clips. It has its moments, it really does (Julia has been about 800% more likable this year), it just doesn't use those to make the series as good as it could be. Great bones to work with, frustrating-as-hell execution. Particularly in the hair and make-up this year.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
I've actually hated this show for a couple of years now, but god help me, I just keep watching. This one mostly boils down to time commitment. It's literally 21 minutes out of my week, so even though most episodes are pretty disappointing, and even though this season has flown even more off the rails than ever, it's just so damn easy to keep going. I think the recent revelation that Robin is pregnant was the final straw for me though. UGH. Are you kidding me?! So awful, so stupid, so... everything. I could go on and on about this, but I'll try to keep it short. I used to adore Robin as a character. I watched an episode from back in the day last night and it was like a sobering punch in the face, highlighting in excruciating detail what the writers have done to a character I once adored. I loved having a female character on TV who wasn't a simpering idiot, a dependent damsel, or a stereotypical lonely single woman who just wants to get married and have babies. She was smart, funny, easy-going, and wanted to live her life on her own terms. Now? Jesus, the hollow husk that is Robin is basically unrecognizable, and that's not just because of her hideous hair and clothes this season. What the hell happened to her? She somehow became this high-strung, irritating, shrill caricature who has ended up pregnant and doesn't seem to know what to do. Luckily, she became the polar opposite of who her character used to be at exactly the same time Barney became the antithesis of who he used to be! What a crazy, random happenstance! Look, I'm not saying that people can't change over time, but Robin's erratic meltdown over being pregnant and Barney's newfound love of relationships and babies is just ridiculous. If Robin really is who she used to be, a smart, savvy, independent woman who doesn't want children, she'd have an abortion and be done with it. I know, I know, this is a comedy where things like actual reality apparently never happen, but if that's the case, then maybe you shouldn't have such a character get pregnant. The Robin I once knew wouldn't fall apart like this, she'd take charge, terminate the pregnancy she never wanted and wouldn't have the children she can't stand. Barney would have been completely on board with this plan. The new and not improved versions of these characters will, I'm sure, go through with the pregnancy and never even mention abortion as an option. It's infuriating. God, it's like in Knocked Up where she ends up pregnant after a one-night stand, doesn't want the child, knows it will derail her life, and yet, what can ya do? It's not like there's a way to end a pregnancy or anything. Dear How I Met Your Mother, what the hell happened? When did you forget who these characters are and how to write for them? When did you decide that you didn't care enough about your female characters to give them anything beyond the stereotype (Lily has turned into quite a peach as well)? I've wanted to break up with this show for years now, what with the identity of the mother seemingly 34 seasons away, but there's always just enough to keep me tethered. I stopped caring about Ted ages ago (who?), and the rest of the cast have turned into irritating caricatures of themselves, but in spite of all that, there's always just enough to enjoy. It still has its moments, I grant that. But the crazy train of pregnant Robin might be more than I can stomach. So disappointing. So stupid. I'd say so jump-the-sharky, but we passed that milestone ages ago.

HART OF DIXIE
Oh dear god, this show is terrible. And my excuse for continuing to watch could not be flimsier. Quite simply put, it's in the dreariest timeslot on the least-crowded night of the week. Literally, it has no competition at all. That is the only reason I watch it. I don't even have a season pass. I just take a look at what's on, find out that there's nothing, and begrudgingly watch this show. The second anything else appears, this one's a goner. I never had anything even resembling high hopes for this one, but with the creative team in mind, I was hopeful that maybe I was wrong. I most certainly was not. It's just so, so bad. The set-up is completely lame, Rachel Bilson, god bless her, is a truly terribly actor, and there's absolutely no narrative drive to speak of. It's basically just a random small town with some stereotypes living there where some meaningless events happen and no one cares. None of the characters are interesting or endearing (particularly Zoe) and the writers just can't seem to get a bead on how to make this show work. The whole fish-out-of-water thing was old before the show even started, but they just keep at it. Dear show, that horse is dead. Worst of all, they use the sets from Gilmore Girls and True Blood. On the one hand, one of the only good things about this show is that you get to remember episodes of far better shows when they walk by Lane's house or have a beer at Merlotte's, but on the other, much bigger hand, it reminds you of shows you'd rather be watching. Sigh. It's hardly worth even mentioning. This show is so insignificant and the writing is so poor that it's truly embarrassing to admit to watching it. The real takeaway lesson learned with this one is that Rachel Bilson is Summer Roberts. That wasn't acting at all. And the day I believe Summer Roberts is a cardiovascular surgeon is the day I officially hand in my professional television watcher membership. If nothing else, I'll know better than to give a show with her as the star a chance. She could maybe work with a true ensemble, but this show has a weak anchor and hardly any supporting players worth mentioning. This one is truly terrible and shows no signs of improving. It may go on for 10 years (you have fun with this pile of shit, CW), but that doesn't make it good.

Week-In-Review 3.1

Sorry this sucker is a little late in coming. I was dying on Friday and just didn't make it. I still feel pretty crappy today, but there doesn't seem to be any way around that...

Most Sobering Look at the Other Half: Fiona isn’t familiar with Word on Shameless
I couldn’t decide it if was incredibly sad or if I was incredibly jealous… Fiona is 21, so it was peculiar enough that she needed to take a class on how to use PowerPoint (“I don’t know what PowerPoint is, but I’m sure you’ll be great at it.”), but it was genuinely heartbreaking to see her so completely out of her depth with even the basics. As the instructor is asking those lame introductory questions, requesting a raise of hands regarding, “Who’s familiar with Microsoft? Microsoft Word? And Excel?” all the hands automatically go up… except for Fiona’s. On the one hand, the thought of never having used these programs felt like some fantabulous and unfathomable fantasy world that I could never be a part of, but on the other, it was pretty scary to think of how utterly crippling it would be to not know how to use a computer. To be so out of your depth is always discouraging, but to know that your only other option is working at a Hooter’s-esque sports bar? That’s unbelievably sad. It’s so completely foreign to me that anyone in this day and age would be unfamiliar with basic computing skills, but for these brutally poor kids who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks? I’m afraid it’s probably all too common a phenomenon.

Best Eyebrow Raiser: Steve isn’t really Steve on Shameless
I’ve always like Steve quite a lot, but now I kinda love him. From the beginning, it was pretty clear that there was more to Steve than meets the eye. As it awesomely turns out, that something more is a different identity entirely. One of the uppercrusty secret life players was apparently a brother, so I can’t imagine this is a long con, and have to assume that he really is a rich kid named Jimmy deep down. The Candace angle is a bit murkier, however… I’m not sure where she factors in or if she really is part of a long con… or who she really is, for that matter. For the first time since the show started, I kinda can’t wait to see what happens next week.

Clearest Indication That We’re Losing the War on Terror: Castle
Apparently a gigantic dirty bomb threatening the citizens of the largest city in the country only worries the national government to the point of sending one guy to save the day. Geez, it’s a good thing the NYPD has a goofy mystery writer on staff or we’d all be dead.

Most Interesting Racial Tidbit: Adrian Pasdar is half-Iranian
Given that his character on Castle was an FBI bigwig who happily engaged in racial profiling in his search for potential Middle Eastern terrorists, I thought the fact that he has Iranian heritage was kind of interesting. I’m not sure how or why I already knew that, but it made the casting choice all the more intriguing—especially given that it turned out that the bombers in the episode were homegrown ex-military men without a shred of Middle Eastern descent.

Least Believable Love Interest: Nora on HIMYM
Look, show, I realize you’re trying to give Barney some layers here, and I appreciate that, but for someone like Barney to really fall for a woman, she really need to have more going for her than Nora does. Barney has been with untold numbers of beautiful women, so to get audiences to believe that he’s really fallen in love, maybe you should have given his love interest more than just beauty. She’s bland as hell and I ain’t buyin’ it. Barney falling for Robin, while ultimately unfortunate, at least made sense. This just seems lazy.

Most Ridiculous Prudery: Face Off
For those of you unaware, this is a movie make-up competition show on Syfy that’s surprisingly entertaining… and fairly prudish, as it were. In a recent challenge, they had to swap the genders of engaged couples. Well, in making one of the fellas into a woman, one of the team created a silicone chest piece in order to give the man breasts. Apparently the detached, unpainted, vaguely breast-like structures pulled out of the mold were just too risqué for basic cable, because they literally blurred the area where nipples would eventually go. Seriously!? Seriously. I’m starting to think that someone is doing that as a joke. Surely it’s a joke, right???

Character Most in Need of a Sandwich: Sarah on White Collar
Holy hell, I’ve never been a fan of Hilarie Burton in general (acting, the total lack of chemistry with Neal, etc), but I’m realizing just how difficult she is to look at in certain outfits. I’m all for being thin, but her shoulders are disgusting. You can see every joint and bone and sinew. Sure, everyone enjoys having a better understanding of a ball-and-socket joint, but this is going too far. Ew.

Least Believable Love Scene: Speaking of Sarah on White Collar
Ugh. When I saw that Alex was going to be in this last episode (I saw the actress’ name in the opening credits), I was hopeful that the writers wouldn’t actually take the Neal/Sarah whateverness in the direction I had feared. It was only a little hope (I’m realistic here), but it was something. Now, what with Neal’s and Sarah’s awkward and unconvincing romp in the hall of records (sexy!), I’m trying to force myself to accept the fact that Sarah really is going to be a series regular next year and that the writers are insistent on pairing her up with Neal. UGH. Aside from my inherent biases against Hilarie Burton as an actress, there is absolutely no heat between Sarah and Neal no matter what your perspective is. Seriously, there are a few Hilarie fans out there (I assume), but I’m guessing even they weren’t convinced. So unfortunate. So forced. So awkward. On the other side of the coin, even Neal’s random conversations with Alex are sexy as hell. They don’t even have to touch for there to be heat. Neal and Sarah can tear each other’s clothes off and can’t even come close. I don’t want to have to stop watching the show, but I hate this storyline. A lot.

Most Shameful Product Placement: White Collar
The only thing I hate more than a bad storyline is a bad product placement. Sometimes a shameless product placement is funny or necessary (these shows have to pay the bills somehow, right?), but with White Collar, is just seems sad and desperate and painfully obvious. Dear Ford (I think), I am in no way more inclined to purchase your product now that Peter has shown me all the ridiculous features that I don’t need. Burn Notice manages to integrate cars and whatnot with ease, finding completely logical reasons for the characters to use the features of said products without shoving it in your face. White Collar? Not so much. Fail.

Awesomest Quintuple-Cross: The Good Wife
One the of best parts of this show is that it keeps viewers on their toes. I was honestly unsure if that one guy was actually double-crossing them or not. As the episode wore one, I started figuring out that he was actually double-crossing Bond, but with this show, you can never be sure, even right up till the last minute. Who knows, he could have been telling Will and Diane that he would screw Bond over, but until the vote was had, he could have gone either way. Phew! Amazing.

Best Kiss: Cary and Kalinda on The Good Wife
I did not see that coming! Honestly, as the scene progressed, I found myself hoping Cary would kiss her (as is so often the hope when these two are onscreen together), but it usually never happens! It totally makes sense that in Kalinda’s Rules of the Universe, giving someone a change-of-address notification is tantamount to a declaration of love, so I guess Cary felt like he had the green light. Wowzers, it was just a simple little kiss, almost a peck, but it was utterly squee-worthy. Seriously, there was more sizzle in Cary and Kalinda’s lip lock than in Sarah and Neal’s near-nudity.

Best Summation of the Profession of “English Teacher” in a Nutshell: Parenthood
I’ve been trying to give Parenthood a second chance, but after last week’s episode (in which the characters basically screamed at each other for an hour solid), I wasn’t too confident. But, I had heard that Jason Ritter would be back, so I tuned in. It was actually a pretty enjoyable episode and involved only minimal fast-forwarding. The best part though was Lorelai’s summation of Ritter’s essential function as an English teacher. When giving a critique of someone’s writing, it pretty much boils down to 1) give 2 or 3 vaguely positive comments to make the person feel good about him/herself, 2) then move on to several super-specific criticisms that make the writer question his/her will to live. Yup, that about sums it up.

Smallest World: Mike and Antonia on Top Chef
Yeah, so, after an entire season of them annoying each other like a couple of quarreling siblings, it turns out, the two of them are actually related. In one of the show’s more creative and interesting challenges of late, the cheftestants got a peak at their genealogy only to find that if you go back a few generations, Mike and Antonia have a lot more in common than just cooking. Ha!

Cruelest Trick: Top Chef
Okay, it’s one thing to tease some random contestant with, “Please pack your knives… because you’re advancing to the finals!” but to do that to Richard “I might just have a heart attack right here in the stew room” Blaise? That’s just mean. Poor guy looks like he was going to collapse… then punch Padma right in the face.

Most Perplexing Crush: I seem to have developed an odd fascination with Tim Gutterson on Justified…
I don’t know what it is or where it came from, but here we are. I find myself inexplicably captivated.

Most Interesting Collision of Two Shows: Ian Somerhalder auditioned for True Blood
I think somewhere in the back of my brain I knew this already, but I seem to have forgotten because it came as a surprise. In spite of Ian’s current vampire gig as Damon on The Vampire Diaries, he actually auditioned to play Jason Stackhouse on True Blood. As awesome as I think he would have been in that role, I think vampirism suits him better.

**Quotes of the Week**

“George, you’re chitchatting—with a gimp.”
--Nina, Being Human (UK). I was only intermittently fond of Nina in season 1, but in season 2 she’s become completely awesome (and funny as hell to boot).

“The Oscars are this Sunday and I think it’s Charlie Sheen’s year. He might make it into the In Memoriam montage.”
--The Soup. Alas, he didn’t make it. No worries, Charlie, you're a shoe-in for next year!

“In book news, Jesse James has signed a book deal with Simon & Schuster to write his memoirs, American Outlaw. Oh, I see, he’s calling it Jesse James: American Outlaw so people will associate it with the murderous bank robber… and not that guy everyone hates.”
--The Soup, regarding Sandra Bullock’s winner of an ex-husband.

"contrary to the rumors, i am not replacing charlie sheen on two and half men. however, martin sheen has asked me to be his son"
—John Stamos via twitter

“The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is on the contrary born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else -- we are the busiest people in the world.”
--Eric Hoffer, philosopher and author (1902-1983). This came with my word-a-day email. In this respect, my calendar actually is pretty damn full.

“Bat shit must be offended by all the Charlie Sheen comparisons.”
--via twitter, courtesy of Schindizzle

“Salt, meet wound. RT @thetvaddict: If #VeronicaMars was still on, its 2.5 million viewers would make it one of The CW's top rated shows!”
-- TVWithoutPity via twitter. Good god that’s depressing (for VM fans, sure, but I think it’s an even tougher pill to swallow for the network, er, “network”).

“You belong in the trophy case of sons of bitches.”
--Glenn Childs, expressing what fans of The Good Wife have thought about Peter Florrick since day one.

Alicia: “I don’t think I even have your old address.”
Kalinda: “Well, now you have my new one.”
Alicia: [mock sentimentality] “I feel like we’ve grown closer together.”
Kalinda: “Okay, give it back.”
Alicia: “Oh, no no no no. This is going in my copy of Eat Pray Love.”
--The Good Wife

Tim: “At least you got to shoot your father. Mine had the nerve to die before I got back from basic with skills and a loaded weapon.”
Raylan: “You didn’t miss much. I thought it was going to be way more fun than it was.”
--Justified. Apparently crappy fathers are required for employment with the US Marshals. That, or shitty fathers are even more common than I thought.

“If you don’t use them then all our money just goes to charity!”
--Noooooooo! Phil on Modern Family regarding some gift certificates they purchased for some sort of charity. Whatever that charity may be, it ain’t gettin’ my money for nothin’!

NBC aka The Biggest Loser

Now that the fall slaughter is basically complete, it's time to run down the networks and see how everyone fared. Oh, NBC... Seems they just didn't get rid of Zucker in time to save this fall development schedule. At this point, I'm honestly not sure how they're going to recover. They spent an obscene amount of money trying to revitalize the network with an unheard of number of high-profile, expensive new shows and what do they have to show for it? Chuck is one of their highest-rated scripted shows. Quite frankly, when titling this post, I had a hard time deciding between NBC shows The Biggest Loser or ER in terms of aptonyms. I thought about Lost, but that's another network that's currently in trouble.

Here's how the chips fell for the peacock this fall... (We'll start with the bad news--brace yourselves, there's a lot of it.) It's hard to know just where to begin when even the "successes" are failures, but here we go. Worst of the worst.

(When talking about TV success and failure, you're usually talking ratings. For a primer on TV ratings, go here. It'll probably make most of the ratings talk later on make a lot more sense.)

THE CANCELEDS

Outlaw
While it wasn't the very first fall show to get the axe, that has more to do with NBC's ever-lowering standards than with the ratings themselves. Even for a Friday show, the ratings were abyssal. At last glance, they were getting their asses handed to them by the CW in terms of key demo ratings. On any other network, Outlaw would have been toast even sooner than it was. Deservedly so, as luck would have it. This was a truly terrible show that should never have seen the light of day. This sucker was about dead right out of the gate with debut numbers that were embarrassing by nearly any standards. Jimmie, you made for the worst season of Dexter ever, and for that, I'm glad to see your career taking a hit. Let this be a word of warning to other shows... don't cast him! Boy, I don't remember hating him before Dexter, but seriously, if I never hear the name Miguel Prado again, it'll be too soon. Smits is forever tainted... as is the third season of Dexter, thank you very much.

Undercovers
Although this show was only recently given the passive-aggressive axe (rather than being flat out canceled, they simply opted to not pick up anymore episodes), I think it's probably the most devastating, most expensive blunder NBC has endured this year. Good lord, when a flashy, high-budget JJ Abrams production can't survive on your network, what can? Once again, however, this show was quite deservedly canceled. Its debut numbers were lower than expected and just kept falling from there. At last count, it scored a 1.3 in the key demo. For comparison's sake, that's only slightly better than Nikita's numbers. The Vampire Diaries most recently scored a 1.6. When you're getting trounced by the CW, you're in trouble, even if it's abundantly clear that their shows are awesome. Serious trouble. Fans of Undercovers might cry foul that that's an unfair comparison because the CW slate airs on a different night than Undercovers does. Yeah, they air on a much more competitive night. And they're still holding their own. NBC promoted the hell out of Undercovers, and scheduled it in one of the least daunting timeslots on the air. At the end of the day, it's just a terrible show. It's a shame to lose on of the few shows around to be helmed by faces of color, but as one commenter noted on a gossip blog, poor quality transcends race (or something like that). At the root of the problem for me was the lack of gravity. I realize the writers were aiming for a lighter farce, but they shot themselves in the foot. Hell, Psych has more suspense and more at stake and it's even more of a farce. Undercovers was just plain dull. when there's nothing to lose, there's little to gain. The espionage was about as suspenseful as the lame-ass catering B-plots. This show won't be missed by viewers, but I think NBC is about ready to cry. This was their ace in the hole going into this fall and it has proven to be one of their costliest misfires. Ouch.

THE SHOULD-HAVE-BEEN CANCELEDS

Chase
I still can't believe that they picked this show up for a full-season. I really think they simply didn't have anything with which to fill the gap, so they had to keep it. At last count, they were averaging a 1.5 in the key demo when they received the back nine order. For yet another comparison, Fox's Lone Star was unhesitatingly canceled after two weeks of scoring a 1.3--which is the same kind of numbers that led to Undercovers being canceled. 1.3 and 1.5 aren't that far apart, even in terms of TV ratings. Why did Chase get a pass? Well, it's a tough call. Aside from having little else to fall back on, Chase airs in one of the most competitive timeslots on the air. Based on the steep competition (I can't say I'd be happy to be pitted against Castle and Hawaii Five-0 if I were a show), a 1.5 might not be looking so bad to the suits at NBC. The most recent 1.2 that the show posted last night, probably looks pretty grim. Ouch. It managed to eek out of a full season order, but it won't be picked up for a second season. Quite frankly, if this trend continues, it'll likely get yanked before the year it out. It certainly won't survive the winter break. Good god, this is the first time since I started watching the ratings that the CW actually looks almost competitive! When compared to NBC, they really aren't that far behind. Sad. Fortunately, Chase is yet another horrible show, so it deserves the axe, but for NBC's sake, this is yet another colossal failure, and it's a purported success. Ha!

The Event
Yet another show that got a full-season pick-up, and yet another show whose ratings really don't warrant such a distinction. It's the best show of NBC's fall slate, however, so I'm glad they're giving it the old college try. Its ratings started out stronger than expected, but it's been hemorrhaging viewers ever since. I myself am one of those viewers. Well, sort of. Technically, it's been piling up in my DVR for over a month... I'm going to give it one more shot, but assume I'll bite the bullet and cancel it. It's really a pretty good show (as I recall from 5 weeks ago), but I just couldn't seem to get into it initially. Anyway, it managed the back nine, but with a 1.7 key demo rating last night, the slide continues into some seriously troubled waters. Of all the new shows on the network, I think this one will have the hardest time recovering from the winter break. As with FlashForward before it, I predict it will limp its way through sweeps, go on hiatus, and basically never really come back. I can't imagine this show will get a second season, so I'm honestly not all that motivated to give it another shot. The only way this show will be back next year is if NBC doesn't have any other options or simply can't afford to promote anything new. As one of the only new shows to even kind of step out of the box this year, it's a shame, but I can't say I'm surprised.

THE UNBELIEVABLY-LOW-BAR SUCCESSES

Chuck
Okay, this cracks me up every single time. This show has been struggling since day one, has almost been canceled three years in a row, and is now one of NBC's highest-rated and most consistent scripted programs. Ha! The really funny part is that the ratings aren't any better than they've ever been. In fact, they're worse. But with a steady 1.9-2.0 in the key demo, it's one of NBC's top shows these days. I honestly haven't been all that impressed by the current season (what can I say? I'm bored. Where's Bryce Larkin when you need him? Oh wait, that would be on White Collar), but it seems to be turning a corner (it always seems to take a few episodes to really get in gear). I'm happy for the little-show-that-could and do hope that they're all laughing their asses off at the NBC brass. Unless NBC someone finds a whole lotta cash (at this point, I'm thinking alchemy is their best bet), I don't know how they're going to put together a slate this fall that might result in Chuck getting the axe, so count on Chuck sticking around for the foreseeable future. With the new president though, I'm hopeful for NBC's creative direction in the coming year. It can't possibly get worse, right?

Law & Order: Los Angeles
Hi, broken record here. This show is averaging a 1.9 in the key demo, but for NBC, that makes it one of their pinch hitters. Man, that's bleak. I've never watched the show, but I hear it's pretty awful. I've heard that Law & Order : UK is actually quite good, however, so I'd suggest tuning into BBCA if you're really in the mood for this particular franchise.

Outsourced
Ugh. I tried to watch the pilot, I really, really did, but just couldn't do it. 7 minutes was all I could take. I hear it's actually gotten considerably better since then, but I'm in no mood to give it another go. I was pretty disheartened and embarrassed to hear that it received a full season order, but given that it's a half-hour comedy with decent ratings, I'm not surprised. It most recently scored a 2.7 in the key demo, which at first blush looks fantastic for NBC, but trust me, it's really not that impressive. When you take into account that its lead-in The Office scored a 3.7, that's a serious drop off, and leaves it in fourth for the time period. Not good. But, it's an inexpensive show that's easy to produce and that has to be paired with something else, so I'd be surprised if it doesn't get a second season. While its ratings should be better, they're pretty damn good by NBC standards, and have actually been fairly consistent, so assuming it stays above a 1.5, it should be a shoe-in for another year. How sad is that? Double ugh. Of all the shows to make my safe list, did this really have to be one of them? Really? Thanks for nothing, NBC. Once again.

Parenthood
It's honestly a bit difficult to decide exactly which category this one should be in. While it's been enduring a slow but steady slide in the ratings, and more than a few rumors that it's getting the axe, it still averages in NBC's safe zone, so I don't think viewers have much to worry about. It's generally in the 2.0 key demo range, which for NBC, is quite solid. Unfortunately, the show itself isn't. It has never been a favorite of mine, but it seems to be more grating than ever. The contrived drama and constant bickering is unbearable most of the time. I hang in there for Lauren Graham and Peter Krause, but it's getting tougher and tougher--especially when you take into the sheer brilliance of its main timeslot competitor, The Good Wife. Honestly, if it's one or the other for you, the decision is easy. I recently just started watching Sports Night on DVD, so my love between Peter Krause and Josh Charles should be evenly split, but overall, The Good Wife is simply superior in every possible way so even Sports Night can't level the field. As happy as I am that Lauren Graham has a steady gig (and that she and Peter Krause are reportedly dating--aww, well idn't that nice!), I wouldn't be heartbroken to see Parenthood get the axe at the end of this season. It has its moments, but it's mostly just shrill bickering. I'm sorry, but if this show is an accurate representation of family life for most people, I can't understand why anyone gets married, has children, or even speaks to other people. When there's nothing but conflict, it's unsatisfying. Who cares if one irrational fight gets resolved because you know there's another one right around the corner. Ugh. It's ratings have been in a downward trend, so it'll certainly be on the bubble come May, but if it can maintain a 2.0, it should be okay. The only other factor that might make that 2.0 not look so rosy is the cost of the show. It has a huge cast of names attached to it and it can't be cheap to produce. NBC doesn't exactly have money to burn these days, so if it comes down to Parenthood or a cheaper show with slightly worse ratings, it could easily be a toss up.

So there you have it. I didn't get into the nitty gritty of some NBC's returning shows, but odds are you're already aware of how they're performing. The Office and 30 Rock are tops, The Apprentice is a ratings disaster, The Biggest Loser keeps eating up more primetime (about 40 minutes of scales bonging a week, I'd say) and my darling Community continues to struggle a bit in a painfully tough timeslot. Creatively, it's better than ever, and NBC has even upped its season order to 24 episodes. Yay! Odds are it'll be fine come May, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. And then there's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. What an unmitigated disaster. For the first time ever, I believe, The Daily Show beat Leno (and Letterman for that matter) in the key demo the other day. Ha! A little Comedy Central fake news show is beating The Tonight Show. That has to be pretty gut-wrenching for the brass at NBC.

Speaking of the brass, as mentioned, NBC has finally, finally, FINALLY gotten rid of Jeff Zucker. I'm honestly not too familiar with his replacement, but I'm pretty sure a pet rock could do a better job, so it doesn't really matter who takes over. At least it's not Zucker. He managed to take the number one network on TV and turn it into a close competitor for the CW. Way to go, dumbass. You won't be missed.

It's hard to know really where NBC will go from here. They need to rebuild their schedule for real this time, get a few solid scripted programs on the air, and then build from there. One of the biggest problems with the fall pilots this year is that NBC doesn't have any heavy hitters to act as lead-ins for new shows. If they can manage to develop even a couple of solid performers, they can use that as a foundation to promote other new shows. Until then, they're going to struggle... more so.

Sigh... I miss Stars Hollow...

Given that I had White Collar and The Good Wife on the docket last night (both of which have gotten really, really good, by the way--especially The Good Wife, which just keeps getting better and better), I didn't get around to watching NBC's newest outing until pretty late, so you'll just have to bear with me on this one... I would have put it off till later, but my love for Lauren Graham knows no bounds and waits for no one.
Speaking of Lauren Graham, she was far and away the best part of NBC's latest drama, Parenthood. The show revolves around four adult siblings, their parents, and their spouses and children as they, well, grab barrelfuls of clichés, sentimentality, and contrivances and huck them at the viewer for an hour... That makes the pilot sound worse than it was, but honestly, if I had to sum up the show in a single word, it would be "contrived." No contest.

Parenthood has a lot going for it, including a stellar, all-start cast, a decent premise, and solid production budget, but I get the feeling this might just not be my kind of show... I generally quite enjoy a good ensemble drama, but when the entire basis for your show is that being a family is hard, like really, really hard, it's hard to tell from just a pilot if I'll really get sucked in. After only the pilot, I could really take it or leave it.

Parenthood's sprawling ensemble cast seems to center around Peter Krause, to a certain extent, but all in all, it doesn't appear to have a real central focus. I understand that this is all part and parcel of the whole ensemble gig, but it made the pilot seem a bit unfocused and meandering. Don't get me wrong, the very fact that this isn't a procedural with an obnoxious A-plot wins it about a million points in my book, but I'd like the show to appear to know where it's going. Quite frankly, it's what is making it so difficult to write a comprehensive assessment of the show. Where do you start when there is no start? Anyway, trucking right along, I think that's related to what I'm guessing will be the biggest problem this show is going to face. The cast is very large and some of these characters aren't anywhere near as captivating as others... To sum it up, I'll have more Lauren Graham, please, and less... everyone else...

Lauren Graham came onto this project after Maura Tierney dropped out for medical issues. As much as I like Maura Tierney, I can't even imagine what a dreary downer this pilot would have been with her in the role of screw-up single mom Sarah instead of Lauren. The entire pilot would have been pretty flat and sobering had it not been for Lauren Graham's sparkle and charm. She brought a warmth and light to an otherwise earnest, self-important show that was at risk of taking itself way too seriously. Now, Lauren Graham doesn't appear to have actual magical powers, so she could really only save the scenes she was actually in, but mercifully, that was most scenes, so she managed to wrench this show out of self-righteous clichedom and bring it some real personality and character. It really really really made me miss the classic days of Gilmore Girls... It was a little strange to see Lauren not playing Lorelai Gilmore, but every now and then she'd say or do something that reminded me of days gone by and it really made me smile. I shudder to think what this show would have been without her, but I'm a little morbidly curious to see the original pilot with Maura. If her role in this would have been anything like her role in ER, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be giving this show another episode... Not that she wasn't great on ER or anything, but I don't think she could convey genuine happiness or fun if her life depended on it... Lauren Graham, by contrast, is warm and funny even when she's breaking your heart. Her character's date with newly balding and doughy ex-flame Jim was some of the best stuff in the pilot. For all her wonderful boisterousness, Graham also excels at the small subtleties of life. I have to assume that the role had to be completely retooled for her because I can't imagine Tierney pulling off the same lines with equal charm. The only points during the pilot where I found myself really smiling were with Graham, even when she was dealing with her "degenerate children." God, how I've missed her.

The other bright spot in an otherwise mediocre mishmash is the always wonderful Peter Krause. He kinda sorta forms the center of the pilot, but I have a feeling the writers are going to rotate the focus of the show, so who knows who'll be the lead week-to-week. Where Graham's newest incarnation had inklings of Lorelai Gilmore, Krause's role as eldest son Adam smacked more than a little of his role as Nick George on Dirty Sexy Money. Krause plays the rock, the go-to-guy, basically the problem-solver of his siblings, but fortunately Krause manages to bring more to the character than the standard bag of tricks. This role could have easily been the know-it-all Mr. Fix-it of the family, but Krause's performance is much more layered than that. That someone who excels at solving other people's problems is faced with a son with Asperger's Syndrome should make for some really great stuff to come. I was fairly ambivalent regarding the character until Krause has to confront his father and tell him that there's something wrong with Max, Krause's son on the show. As ever, Krause knocks it out of the park and brings an impressive amount of depth and heartbreak to a character we only met 40 minutes ago. Other than Lauren Graham's every moment on the show, that was the best.

Rounding out the siblings are commitment-phobic Dax Shepard (who plays Crosby, yes, Crosby (who would name a character Crosby, you ask? The same people who would cast Dax Shepard in anything.... ew. Oh, Kristin Bell, you can do so much better) and workaholic ice princess Erika Chrsitensen. They both did decent jobs with their roles, but at the end of the day, they just didn't really grab me. While Graham and Krause struck me as multi-layered characters, Shepard and Christensen seemed like ultimate clichés and pure contrivances. Unless the writers give them some real dimension, they'll just be stock characters for the more interesting players to bounce off of. Christensen does a pretty good job with what she was given, but that honestly wasn't much. My real concern with these two is that they won't become more layered, but will still be the center of some episodes. Much like Heroes or Grey's Anatomy, when you have a huge ensemble, there are a lot of characters and storylines to keep track of. The peril lies in having some characters who bore you to tears, but who necessarily get a lot of screen time. It's one of the primary reasons I gave up on Heroes. When only 3 out of 17 characters actual interest you, it spells disaster for the show. Here's hoping that's a pitfall Parenthood can avoid. At this point, there's certainly room for other characters to grow on me, so I'll be giving this show more time to really find its footing. There are oh-so-many characters to choose from that surely a few will keep my attention. Although they did do that thing where all the characters say everyone else's names a million times which always drives me nuts, so that loses them a lot of points. I realize you have like 47 people for the audience to keep track of, but I do not need to be constantly reminded of people's names and social relationships. It makes it all seem less authentic because, well, no one talks like that! Ugh.

As if the principle four weren't enough, throw in their parents, all their kids, significant others, and bit players, and you've got a whole hell of a lot going on. And somehow, at the same time, absolutely nothing going on. Maybe the banalities of daily life in a big family just aren't my cup of tea, but little league baseball and parent teacher conferences just don't quite do it for me... The pilot basically showcased your typical bickering family, but who really love each other, don't ya know. It's almost like these shows have some ridiculous notion that the more dysfunctional a family is and the more everyone argues with everyone else, the closer they are. I'm not expert or anything, but in my experience, families that fight constantly aren't all that close at all, but are simply trying to convince themselves that they are. It all just seems like one big obligation in the end. Every time I see a show like this, I'm always a bit mystified. Is this how family life really is for people? If so, why oh why does anyone do it? Life is stressful enough without having to come home to a house full of drama. With rare exceptions, my siblings and I got along just fine and we all adore my mother. Granted we all hated my father, but we just casually ignored him. Shows like Parenthood seem to think that a family isn't a real family unless everyone is gathered around a dinner table arguing. Thanks, but no thanks. To the show's credit, it did include elements of the family actually getting along and showing some conradery, so that tempered the obligatory arguments considerably. I hope they maintain a balance, but I have a sneaking suspicion this might go the way of so many other family dramas where every episode is a battle and every little thing that happens is the end of the world. Ugh.

This show certainly has a lot going for it, and I'm intrigued enough to keep up with it for now. I think the writers are going to have a hell of a time getting all these people in the same place at the same time week-to-week, so I have to assume they'll have a couple of A-plots each week and simply shift the focus around. That's all fine and good until I lose interest in three quarters of the storylines and simply have to trudge through those to get to the ones I actually care about. Again, here's hoping that doesn't happen, but odds are, that's where we're headed. Even just with the pilot, it seemed pretty silly to me that all these adults and their children are spending so much time at grandma and grandpa's and who spend most of their days talking to or worry about their siblings. I know there are a lot of siblings out there who are close, but really, how many entire extended families do you know who would go to a kid's baseball game? Seriously, this kid must have had 17 people in attendance, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. Contrived, much?

For all its faults, the show was well made and has a pretty solid base to build on. This concept might just not be up my alley (I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this kind of family tension, but I really can't), but I'm intrigued enough to give it some time. I certainly wasn't blown away and I'm not as sucked in as NBC would like me to be, plain and simple. Contrivances aside, the writing was adequate and the dialogue didn't make me want to punch people, so that's definitely a plus. There are certainly aspects of the show that will invariably drive me crazy, but I'm hoping it has enough going for it that I'm willing to overlook those. Again, the fact that it isn't a crime procedural automatically makes me want to like this show, so odds are I'll be more forgiving than usual.

Now if only I liked children, we'd really be cooking with oil! Mercifully, the children themselves are not the real focus of the show (at least not at this point), and most of them are at least teenagers, so that certainly helps. I admittedly spent the better part of the pilot wishing Mae Whitman would suddenly assume her alter-ego as Ann Veal from Arrested Development, but her newest incarnation was okay... I guess... ("She has a really low center of gravity. They call her the wall." "What, is she funny or something?" I miss you too, Arrested Development. Oh, so much.)

I think the moral of the story for Parenthood is that the all-star cast made me pine for the awesomeness of their previous shows rather than latch onto their current show. That's...not a good sign. This was a difficult show to sum up because it just kind of meandered for an hour, telling me who was who again and again. I grouse about this a lot, but good pilots don't feel the need to explain every single facet of a character and his/her relation to the world. Parenthood pretty much did nothing but establish people and relationships. Who knows, maybe that was the point. You know, that people are more important than events. Well, if that's the case, maybe you should have more interesting people... Not that Graham and Krause couldn't anchor a show, but with Parenthood, there really isn't an anchor. Or a rudder for that matter...

We'll see how it goes. They established a whole hell of a lot with the pilot, so hopefully they'll actually do something with those people in episode two. I'm not completely enamored of this one (you know, in case the epic thus far was a bit too vague), but I definitely seem some potential. If for no other reason than Lauren Graham, it's worth it to give this show as much of a chance as I can. First impression though? Meh.

Pilot Grade: C+

NBC can officially (and unofficially) bite me.

So yeah, May is upfront season. It's generally pretty straight forward, but apparently NBC is trying to buck the system by being completely useless. Way to sock it to 'em, morons!

NBC used to be quite the powerhouse network. Back in the days when Friends and ER were dominating the airwaves, NBC was always a major contender. Well, in the past few years, as NBC's programming has gotten progressively crappier and reality dreck like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars have kind of taken over, NBC's overall ratings have been slipping pretty consistently to the point where struggles night in and night out.

Well, in a bizarre attempt to shake things up, NBC has decided to overhaul its upfront procedures. Last year they announced their line-up earlier than the other networks and offered up some truly strange programming at some rather perplexing times of year. Well, their attempts at setting themselves apart from the other nets didn't work out so well for them. In spite of last year's failure, they once again announced their upfronts, or as they're lovingly called by insiders, their "infronts," early once again. Only this time, they didn't actually disclose anything that was particularly useful! You know, like the fates of all of their bubble shows! Seriously NBC, WTF?!

Yeah, they unveiled a whole bunch of crap, but the information viewers actually want, the fates of shows like Chuck, Law & Order, Life, and My Name is Earl were left undetermined. [[This just in, Life has been cancelled. Bah! Stupid network!]] Word on the street says that they will likely not disclose pick-ups or cancellations of these shows for another couple of weeks (i.e. not until all the other networks have their upfronts starting on the 18th). So what exactly was the point of having their upfronts early? Oh, wait, there was no point. I can see where they are trying to set themselves apart so that their new shows don't get overshadowed by the other networks, but this is bad PR through and through. The fans are pissed, the critics are annoyed, and NBC is left looking fairly ridiculous.

Here's what we do know:

• Southland was picked up for 13 episodes
• Medium was picked up for 13-16 episodes
• Heroes was picked up for (I believe) 18 episodes (although it should have been cancelled as far as I'm concerned).
• And The Office and Parks and Recreation were picked up as well (I have to admit, Parks and Rec isn't really doing it for me... It's funny, but the base concept is lacking. I already don't really care about the park and it looks like that's going to be the main focus until the end of time...)
• Other shows were picked up as well (you know, like their reality crap), but I'm mainly posting the stuff that people would actually be worried about...
• We won't learn the official fates of Chuck, Law & Order, Life, and My Name is Earl won't be announced until probably May 19th, but at this point, Law & Order and Chuck are looking pretty safe (yay for Chuck!)
• As mentioned above, Life has been officially cancelled. While the second season was a little shaky, it was a really good show and definitely a hell of a lot better than most of the new crap they'll be unveiling (see below for the disappointing details... yikes).

Aside from the pick-ups of returning shows, NBC also announced several new series that will be premiering in the fall. Don't get too excited yet, most of them sound utterly craptastic... Below are the official descriptions and then my initial assessments of them.

**First up, the dramas**

PARENTHOOD
From the executive producers of the box-office hit "Parenthood" -- Ron Howard and Brian Grazer (Oscar winners for "A Beautiful Mind"), and writer/executive producer Jason Katims ("Friday Night Lights") -- this contemporary re-imagining of the blockbuster film depicts the colorful and imperfect Braverman family -- four grown siblings sharing the headaches, heartaches and joy of being parents. The star-studded cast includes Peter Krause, Maura Tierney, Craig T. Nelson, Dax Shepard, Bonnie Bedelia, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen and Sarah Ramos. When Sarah Braverman (Tierney, "ER"), a financially strapped single mother, returns home to her parents and siblings in Berkeley, Calif. after packing up her Fresno apartment and uprooting her two inconvenienced kids, Amber (Mae Whitman, "In Treatment") and Drew (Miles Heizer, "ER"), she is greeted by her opinionated father, Zeek (Nelson, "Family Stone," "Coach"), and strong mother, Camille (Bedelia, "Heart Like a Wheel"), who are privately dealing with their own marital issues. As Sarah is reunited with her siblings -- sister, Julia (Christensen, "Traffic"), and brothers Crosby (Shepard, "Baby Mama") and Adam (Krause, "Six Feet Under") -- all struggling with issues of their own, it's clear that the Braverman reunion is just what they need to face the everyday challenges of modern family life. "Parenthood" is a production from Imagine Entertainment and Universal Media Studios. Emmy winner Thomas Schlamme ("The West Wing") directs the pilot.



My take: All right, as anyone who knows me knows, I don't like children. And, I particularly don't like children when they're on TV, because, let's face it, they ruin everything (see Friends, Alias, Angel, etc.). As far as I'm concerned, children don't become viable characters until they're teenagers. There are exceptions, to be sure, but by and large, there are only so many storylines a show can have involving a 6 year old. In spite of such opinions, this show looks very well made and has a truly impressive cast. Peter Krause is excellent in everything, Maura Tierney is great, Mae Whitman has Arrested Development (and Avatar) cred to back her up, and just about everyone else is a known actor with a solid resume. I get the impression that this show will focus more on the adults than the children, so that gives me some hope. Not that I relish hearing about other people's kids on a regular basis, but I think this show has potential. I'll certainly be giving it a shot with the hopes that it doesn't suffer the usual pitfalls of shows that revolve around young kids. Based on the clips, it appears to have a lot more humor and a lot less saccharine than the usual fare, so I'm optimistic.

MERCY
"Mercy," a new medical drama with a unique point of view, portrays the lives of the staff at Mercy Hospital as seen through the eyes of those who know it best -- its nurses. Nurse Veronica Callahan (Taylor Schilling, "Dark Matter") returns to Mercy from a military tour in Iraq -- and she knows more about medicine than all of the residents combined. Together with fellow nurses Sonia Jimenez (Jamie Lee Kirchner, "Rescue Me") and Chloe Payne (Michelle Trachtenberg, "Gossip Girl"), Callahan navigates through the daily traumas and social landmines of life and love both inside the hospital and out in the real world. The cast also includes: James Tupper ("Men in Trees") as Dr. Chris Sands, a new doctor at the hospital who complicates Veronica's life; Diego Klattenhoff ("Supernatural") as Mike Callahan, Veronica's husband; and Guillermo Diaz ("Weeds") as Nurse Angel Lopez. "Mercy" is a production from Universal Media Studios and Berman Braun. Joining writer/executive producers Liz Heldens (NBC's "Friday Night Lights") and Gretchen Berg & Aaron Harberts ("Pushing Daisies," "Pepper Dennis") are executive producers Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun. Emmy Award winner Adam Bernstein (NBC's "30 Rock," "Rescue Me") is the director.



My take: With a name like Mercy, you'd think they'd have some. Oh, lordy. It's your typical medical drama (with a Grey's Anatomy tint), but this time it's totally unique, because this time...wait for it... it's from the point of view of nurses! Huzahh! How innovative! Yeah, not so much. The reason most medical dramas don't focus on the nurses? Because nurses are the ones who change bed pans and give sponge baths. Don't get me wrong, nurses are absolutely essential to all the complicated surgeries and emergencies and no hospital could operate without them (heh, literally), but they also get a lot of the most unpleasant of tasks. I'm guessing this show will be skirting that issue in favor of the main character being a badass who knows more than all the doctors because she served in Iraq... Oy. Talk about a conceit I'm not all that excited about... Oh, and then throw Dawn into the mix. This show looks pretty well made and has a premise that will likely find a sizable audience, but it's your standard medical drama, only with less cool medical and a lot more drama. I'll give it a shot, I'm sure, but so far it's not looking like my cup of tea.

TRAUMA
Executive producer Peter Berg (NBC's "Friday Night Lights") delivers "Trauma," the first high-octane medical drama series to live exclusively in the field where the real action is. Like an adrenaline shot to the heart, "Trauma" is an intense, action-packed look at one of the most dangerous medical professions in the world: first responder paramedics. When emergencies occur, the trauma team from San Francisco General is first on the scene, traveling by land, by sea or by air to reach their victims in time. From the heights of the city's Transamerica Pyramid to the depths of the San Francisco Bay, these heroes must face the most extreme conditions to save lives -- and give meaning to their own existence in the process. Starring in "Trauma" are Derek Luke ("Notorious"), Cliff Curtis ("10,000 B.C"), Anastasia Griffith ("Damages"), Aimee Garcia ("George Lopez"), Kevin Rankin ("Friday Night Lights") and Jamey Sheridan ("Law & Order: Criminal Intent"). "Trauma" is a production of Universal Media Studios and Film 44. Berg, Sarah Aubrey ("Bad Santa," "Friday Night Lights"), Dario Scardapane and Jeffrey Reiner ("Friday Night Lights") serve as executive producers. The pilot was written by Scardapane and directed by Reiner.



My take: Apparently when NBC lost ER, it decided it needed to overcompensate... Here we have yet another medical drama, only this time, it's told from the perspective of, wait for it, the paramedics! I love a good medical drama as much as the next person, but seriously? I think it's time for TV to pick a new career to focus on. Two new medical dramas, both on NBC, and both have badass rebels trach-ing someone in the field--because apparently that's just the coolest thing ever, and when establishing someone as a medical maverick, that's the required way to do it. Or was that first one a pneumothorax? Whatever. It all kind of blurs together after a while. I've seen it all 800 times before. Anyway, this show seems way to serious and self-important for my tastes. Which, don't get me wrong, it's a serious job, but this is a TV show. Oh, and I love how they point out the fact that the characters are stereotypical by boiling them down to "The Father", "The Fighter", and "The Rebel". You know, just in case it wasn't obvious enough. The cast doesn't really jump out at me as anything special and the show appears not to have a light-hearted bone in its body. Again, it looks pretty well made, but I've seen it all before. For a genre show to truly be engaging, it needs to turn the genre on its ear and that can't be achieved merely by changing the show's perspective to a slightly different kind of medical professional. It might be an awesome show, but unless it has something special, it's only going to bore people who've seen it all before. Based just on the trailer, it doesn't look it'll have what it takes to suck me in (pretty much your standard storylines and characters, beginning to end), but I'll give it shot I suppose.

DAY ONE
From executive producer/writer Jesse Alexander ("Heroes," "Lost," "Alias") and director Alex Graves ("Fringe," "Journeyman"), "Day One" tells the story of life on earth following a global catastrophe that has devastated the world's infrastructures. Beginning with the immediate aftermath of the cataclysmic event, an eclectic band of survivors -- played by Adam Campbell ("Date Movie"), Catherine Dent ("The Shield"), Julie Gonzalo ("Eli Stone"), David Lyons ("ER"), Derek Mio ("Greek"), Carly Pope ("24"), Thekla Reuten ("Sleeper Cell") and Addison Timlin ("Cashmere Mafia") -- strives to rebuild society as they unravel the mysteries of what happened and face their uncertain future. The group, all residents of one apartment building in suburban Van Nuys, Calif., embarks on a quest for survival and discovers that hope is found in small victories -- and heroes are born every day. "Day One" is a Universal Media Studios production.



My take: Initial thought? Oy. It sounds pretty self-indulgent and overly ambitious. The cast leaves much to be desired... As much as I love watching a bunch of overly attractive 20 somethings (oh, wait, I mean "eclectic band of survivors") trying to survive some horrible something or other, it's been done, and I'm guessing to a much more successful degree. The clip didn't really give me much to base an initial assessment on, but bottom line? I think this concept has been played out too many times before to be original, and Day One doesn't have the bare bones to play it again successfully. I think we'll just have to wait for an actual trailer, but it's all sounding very Lost-y at this point... only crappy.

**Next up, the comedies (or in the case of our first contestant, "comedies")**

100 QUESTIONS (fka "100 Questions for Charlotte Payne")
Emmy winner James Burrows ("Will & Grace," "Friends") directs "100 Questions," a new comedy series written and executive-produced by Christopher Moynihan ("For Your Consideration") that provides hilarious answers to 100 questions about love. Charlotte Payne (Sophie Winkleman, "Peep Show") is looking for love and has rejected multiple marriage proposals -- but she has yet to meet Mr. Right. When she joins a popular online dating site, she gets a little help from her dating counselor Ravi (Amir Talai, "The Ex List") – who requires her to take a 100-question compatibility test. The questions aren't easy for Charlotte to answer, and each one requires her to recount a poignant and humorous time in her life with friends Leslie (Elizabeth Ho, "Women's Murder Club"), Jill (Joy Suprano, NBC's "Law & Order"), Mike (Christopher Moynihan "For Your Consideration") and Wayne (David Walton "Quarterlife"). The test becomes a journey of self-discovery for Charlotte who begins to realize what she truly wants in a relationship. Ron West ("Psych"), Kelly Kulchak ("Psych") and Michelle Nader ("King of Queens") join Moynihan as executive producers. The series is produced by Universal Media Studios and Tagline.



My take: Bad. I mean, really bad. The laugh track alone was enough to annoy me, but for decent comedies, I'm willing to overlook that (see How I Met Your Mother). For comedies with a bunch of no-talent no-names, however, it's unbelievably obnoxious. It makes the fact that it's not funny all the un-funnier because it reminds the audience of how funny it's supposed to be, but isn't. The premise is flimsy and hackneyed at best. It's as though the writers were trying to come up with something clever, but instead just borrowed pieces from other sit-coms and hoped it would turn into something awesome. It did not. The female lead is unengaging and doesn't strike me as able to carry a series. Her friends are all standard stereotypical sit-com cardboard cutouts, only not so good. The requisite good-looking ladies man is only okay-ish looking and doesn't have the charm to compensate. The other friends are pretty standard and at least seem capable of filling their meager roles, but that's not saying much. Bottom line, I'm less than enthused and won't be giving this one much of a chance. I realize that was only the trailer and a show can't truly be judged on a few clips alone, but the trailer is where shows generally put their best material, hoping to gain viewers, so if those were the good clips, I don't want to see the bad ones. Yikes. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

COMMUNITY
From Emmy Award-winning directors Joe and Anthony Russo ("Arrested Development") comes "Community," a smart comedy series about higher education -- and lower expectations. The student body at Greendale Community College is made up of high-school losers, newly divorced housewives, and old people who want to keep their minds active. Within these not-so-hallowed halls, "Community" focuses on a band of misfits, at the center of which is a fast-talkin' lawyer whose degree has been revoked (Joel McHale, "The Soup"), who form a study group and end up learning a lot more about themselves than they do about their course work. In addition to McHale, the series also stars: Gillian Jacobs ("The Book of Daniel"); Yvette Nicole Brown ("Rules of Engagement"); Danny Pudi ("Greek"); Alison Brie ("Mad Men"); and comedy legend Chevy Chase ("Saturday Night Live"). "Community" is a Krasnoff Foster Entertainment, Harmonious Claptrap and Russo Brothers production in association with Sony Pictures Television and Universal Media Studios. Russ Krasnoff ("The Soloist"), Dan Harmon ("The Sarah Silverman Program"), Joe Russo ("Arrested Development"), Anthony Russo ("Arrested Development") and Gary Foster ("The Soloist") serve as executive producers. Joe and Anthony Russo directed the pilot that was written by Dan Harmon.



My take: From the cast list, I already had a lot more hope for this show than the other comedy offered up by NBC, and thankfully, such hopes were rewarded. :) This show looks kinda, sorta, really awesome! I love Joel McHale (The Soup has a permanent spot on my DVR list) and John Oliver is always hilarious (The Daily Show also has a permanent spot). The rest of the cast is really funny as well. A lot of the supporting players are the kind of actors who look familiar, but can't quite place (aside from Chevy Chase, whose status gained a few points with his recent guest stint on Chuck). The premise looks to have a lot of potential for great storylines, so if this show finds an audience (and I sincerely hope it does), I can see where it would have sustainable longevity. In short, the trailer really cracked me up, which, for a show I knew nothing about previously is a pretty tall order. I guess I can't be too surprised given the people involved, but it's just not all that often that a comedy comes along that doesn't suck. ;)