Passive-Aggressive Note

As many of you already know, some sad sorry pathetic human being (or service chimp trained for malfeasance) has been stealing drinks from our supplies. Most notably, case upon case of Diet Coke began disappearing not too long ago. We hid/locked up all our drinks, and that seems to have curbed the problem to large degree, but then some of the iced tea appeared to have gone missing. Seriously...

In an attempt to stem the tide of patheticalness-induced thievery (yes, patheticalness is a word--I'm as shocked as you are), I posted the following notice in the room where we keep some of the drinks (it's where the fridge lives, so we don't have a whole hell of a lot of choice).

Much to no avail. The notice was promptly removed (by the thief, I have no doubt--although at least s/he appears to have broadened his/her scope of items to take) and the drinks have to be moved to somewhere even more secure. (Or totally totally less secure, if you happen to know where it is. Seriously, how did we decide on that location?)

Every week we have a board meeting so every week I am reminded of what a lame-ass problem this is. So, if you happen to be the person stealing drinks, please stop. It's rather annoying and makes me very very sad for you.