Saturday, September 13, 2008

Copyright InFringement

It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt. I think that is the biggest hurdle facing J.J. Abrams (or as I like to call him, "Juh-jay-brums") and his new pet project Fringe. When I first heard about the show, I was excited, but cautious. The early reviews of the pilot said it was basically a cross between the X-Files and Alias, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed, BUT whenever a show can be boiled down so readily, it often portends triteness-->hence the caution...


The fact that the show is on Fox and has a more limited potential fanbase than other Abrams classics like Lost or Alias also bodes ill for the show, but my real concerns did not truly manifest until I heard of the surprisingly mixed (at best) reaction from the sci-fi nerds at Comic-Con. The kind of geekery offered by a show like Fringe is what these Comic-Con attendees salivate over (well, that and Hot Pockets). It's a double-edged sword having a screening for such a crowd because truly, no audience could be more appreciative, and at the same time, more brutally snarky and critical than a group of middle-aged Star Wars fanboys who live in their mothers' basements and have dressed up like storm troopers for the convention. Henceforth, the polarizing reviews were a minor cause for concern, but I wouldn't stake my assessment of the show on their reactions.

Anyway, Fringe premiered on Monday and I can see where the contasting reviews took shape. With J.J. at the helm, there is no way this show wouldn't be compared with Lost and Alias, and given the show's tone and basic concept, it also has to grapple with an X-Files smackdown. Three classic shows with often obssessive fanbases. Fringe had an insanely high bar to surpass and it didn't have a chance of being assessed solely on its own merits. Not an enviable position to be in... especially with Pacey as your anchor... (Not that Dawson would have been a step up or anything... [insert cold shudder] Plus, Dawson was like 34 when Dawson's Creek was actually on, so at this point, he'd have to play the crazy father character... which would actually have been kind of fun to watch--note to Fox...)

Anyway...

The basis for the show revolves around "fringe science" which apparently equates to things like mind control, reanimation, invisibility, defense against the dark arts, transfiguration, uh, algebra, you get the idea... For kicks, an FBI element (a hot, leggy blonde FBI element at that--um, yay?) has been thrown in the mix to spice things up. The premise more than smacks of the X-Files, which would be fine, but for the fact that it does not succeed as brilliantly as its predecessor. The production values are beyond reproach and the pilot was as well made and stylish as any Hollywood blockbuster, so it was by no means the look of the show that was the problem. The FBI angle seemed to be aiming for Alias, but lacked the pulse-pounding, "Oh my god, Sydney, look out! It's another long lost evil aunt of yours!" thrill of the Bristow contigency. Familiarity can be like a warm, relatable blanket of nostalgia, but in this case, the familiarity rather unfortunately reminded me of insanely great shows, thereby making this good, but not spectacular show, pale in comparison.

I tried desperately to separate this show from others so that I could give it an objective review, but at every turn, something reminded me of something else. That isn't to say that pilot was bad, it just wasn't the unique, original experience I was hoping for and kind of expecting from J.J. Along with the constant comparisons, for me, it was largely the little things that made the pilot fall into "good" territory rather than "spectacular" territory. The premise itself has a hell of a lot of potential, but the execution is what worries me most.

The tone and pacing of the pilot were probably the biggest problems. As with any pilot, a lot of plot exposition and premise explanation has to go on, the actors are trying to figure out their characters, and the audience is trying to build a construct for how they are going to interpret the show. This is bound to cause some problems and disconnects, but for a pilot to be successful, the powers that be need to have a firm grasp of the tone they're trying to set. I think Fringe only has a fair handle of the tone they're aiming for and the pacing of the pilot didn't help solidify their stance.

The pilot opens with a plane that's in trouble. Now J.J., if you're trying to decrease the amount of comparison between this show and your other projects, maybe starting out with a flight in peril wasn't the best plan of action. You won't be able to top the Lost pilot, so it's best you not remind viewers that that is the gold standard. It starts off normal enough, and it may just be my cynical conditioning at work, but when one passenger offered another passenger a piece of gum and held up the pack, I was fully expecting some not-so-subtle product placement and we weren't even 10 minutes in. I was just waiting for something like this:

"Would you like a piece of Icebreakers' new Spearmint Fusion gum? The flavor will awaken your senses in a blast of ecstasy."

"Why yes, yes I would! You say this fine product can be found at any local convenience store? Fanstastic! All my worries have just melted away in a cascade of minty bliss. Thank you, Icebreakers Gum!"

Thankfully that didn't happen, but it already made tone an issue for me. Fortunately (well, maybe not "fortunately" exactly), the flight quickly turned ooey gooey when everyone on board started melting, so I figured we were on the right track again.

Yeah, not so much. Anna Torv, who plays FBI Agent Hot Blond, is apparently the emotional basis for the show as the audience is subjected to her and FBI Agent Hunky Love Interest professing their love for one another. Yet again, I might be too conditioned to TV here, but I knew that guy was either in trouble or was trouble the second he told her he loved her. I immediately thought he'd be killed off and as it turned out, I wasn't too far off the mark.

Hunky Love Interest (John) gets the ball rolling when he basically gets blown up and Hot Blond (Olivia) has to save him. From how the show was hyped, I was really expecting a new and unique experience, but I found familiarity and even predictability (the real showkiller) around just about every corner. Enter Pacey and his wacky father (both of whom just so happen to be geniuses). Hot Blond needs their help to save Whatshisname, and we spend the rest of the pilot watching this go down.

As far as a pilot premise goes, that's all fine and dandy, but yet again, the execution was flawed. There was no build up to the John/Olivia relationship, so the audience really doesn't care that he's in danger. Further, Olivia, whose most memorable qualities include an inability to smile and an unintentional wealth of accents to rival the UN (seriously, I spent half the pilot trying to decide if her character was American, British, Scottish, Australian or some combination thereof--the accent changed more and more the longer the sentences got), doesn't have the emotional pull to make the audience want to root for her. Unlike Alias, where Jennifer Garner's devastation over her fiance's murder completely pulled the audience in, I found myself watching Olivia's plight more as a simple point A to point B plot device rather than the heart of the operation. I did enjoy that she wasn't a sappy, sentimental crusader, though. It was nice to see that in spite of her personal attachment to John and the main plotline, she conducted herself professionally (even if a bit blandly).

That Olivia, as a character, falls a bit flat (at least so far) wouldn't be too much of an issue if the other characters were more engaging. Which isn't to say that they were completely unsuccessful, but none of them made me desperate to tune in next week. I found the crazy father to be inconsistent (which I guess was the point?) and serving more as a screwball technique to force all these people together than a fully-realized character. Truly, Pacey, whose character's name was... Peter? I think? Pacey it is. His character had the most promise for me, and even then, his overweening trait was a bit off-putting. There was a sporadic snottiness that infused most of his interaction with others that didn't seem intrinsic so much as forced. Which, perhaps that's who his character is. He puts on a front and isn't very good at it. If that's the case, then he did a hell of a job. Most of his snottiness felt out of place in the context of what was going on, and while he had some very entertaining lines, I found myself liking his character the most when he was genuine and real. Which we all know I'm a big lover of snark, so for me to connect most with a character when he's not being a smarmy jackass truly was an original experience for me, so I guess at least I didn't see that coming... I'm most intrigued to see how his character turns out after a few episodes. Thus far, I'm really hoping I just read him wrong. That the audience doesn't necessarily like these characters off the bat does have a certain appeal, but I think I'm going to need more development before I really care about any of them and can appreciate the character, even if I don't exactly like the character.

With only the pilot to base things on, it all felt a little too X-Filesy for purely nostalgic purposes. Olivia and Pacey are the Mulder and Scully of the series respectively, but the problem is, Mulder and Scully they are not [pictured at left, and apparently "the truth" is out there, you know, to the right]... Particularly with Pacey's character, I kept thinking, "Why Scully, you've gotten snottier..." It was distracting to see the Mulder "I want to believe"/ Scully "It doesn't matter how many aliens I run into, I still don't believe" dynamic presented again, but with less successful results. If I didn't have the X-Files as a rubric for how such characters should interact, I think I would have appreciated Fringe much more and the experience would have been fresher and more engaging.

The pilot as a whole was good, but not great. Even the areas where I found myself becoming genuinely interested in the show had an irksome familiarity to them. The experiment, which I found to be the most effective part of the first hour (it was a 90 minute pilot), was interesting and all, but unoriginal. The pacing started to pick up and I was interested to see how the shared dream state would work out. Turns out, it worked out just exactly the way it did in The Cell, and even had a similar visual motif. I became sure the shared dream state would feature Jennifer Lopez in at least one capacity or another [insert cold shudder]. Fortunately (VERY fortunately), it didn't, but knowing the threat (and I mean Threat Level RED here, people) was out there certainly didn't help me enjoy the show and kind of broke down the fourth wall for me.

All in all, watching Fringe was kind of like watching your best friend perform in the school talent show. Okay, that makes it sound positively god-awful, and that's not what I meant. Compounding the hype, the anticipation, and my appreciation for J.J.'s past works (aside from Armageddon, naturally) made me approach the show with so much hope that I found myself almost willing it to be everything I had dreamed. "Come onnnn, don't suck! Come onnnn, don't suck!" Which it genuinely didn't, but definitely could have been better, even with my allegiances willing it to be fantastic.

Long story short, I wasn't blown away by the pilot, but I think the show definitely has potential. The last 30 minutes sucked me in much more than the first hour, and in spite of knowing exactly whose voice would be on the tape in one last spasm of predictability, I'm genuintely intrigued to see what happens next. There is a lot that could be done with this show and I think once everyone gets on the same page regarding tone and character development, it could be a real classic. I'll be sticking with it for at least the next few episodes, although I hear the premiere only attracted 9 million viewers (as opposed to Lost, which premiered with about twice that), so with Fox at the helm, it might only be on for the next few weeks. Damn Fox. I'm still bitter about Firefly...

Overall, I give the Fringe pilot a B-.

Monday, September 8, 2008

OMFG XOXO GG!

We'll get to my love (make that "obsessed adoration") of Gossip Girl in a minute, but first, I have to start off with a shout out to my dear mother, who makes my Gossip Girl experience all the more enjoyable.

Every night, my mom adorably asks if there's anything new on TV. It doesn't matter how many weeks in a row the same shows air on the same nights, she hasn't a clue IF there are any new shows to watch, let alone what those shows might be. As evil as it is, I tease her about it every time. It generally goes a little something like this:

Mom: Do we have anything new tonight?
Me: I don't know, you tell me...
Mom: Oh, I don't know!
Me: Huh, me neither.
Mom: Is it... House?
Me: Maaaaaybe.
Mom: Is it!
Me: No. I see that pesky Alzheimer's is settling in nicely...
Mom [starting to giggle with whiny desperation]: I don't know! Project Runway? Grey's Anatomy? Gossip Girl?
Me: Ding! Ding! Ding!
Mom: Gossip Girl?! Really!?
Me: Yes. Just like last week. Annnd the week before that. You worry me sometimes, you know...

But by that point in the teasing, my mother is so happy she guessed right (and even happier that the correct answer was Gossip Girl), that my taunting has little effect. It doesn't sound as much fun on paper as it actually is. My favorite is when she'll start guessing shows at random and end up listing shows that have been off the air for ages. I kid you not, the other day she guessed Alias (among other goners) and then somehow Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip made it into her random list of cancelled shows... Fine shows to be sure, but they ended a few years ago. Precious.

Anyway, this all brings me to tonight's delightful festivities when yes indeed, the correct answer was Gossip Girl. We got home around 6ish and my mom was delighted to hear that the show would start at 7. "Oh good, only and hour to wait!" It's hilarious to see her so excited, you have no idea.

So no more than a half an hour rolls by when my mom comes into the room, all exasperated, "Has it started?! Am I missing it!?"

"No Mom, it's only 6:30."

"6:30?! Geez, is this just the longest hour ever or what?!"

Indeed. Longest. Hour. Ever. Oh, Mommy. You crack me up. You should see the devilish grin she gets on her face when the show starts. Classic.

Anyway, on with the show. And what a show! Okay, peeps, if you aren't watching Gossip Girl, you are seriously missing out on one of the greatest shows ever produced. It's fabulous, in every conceivable sense of the word.

To wit, tonight's episode was off the hook! I sat giddily at the edge of my seat for every minute and then the second the commercial break would start, the clapping and cheering and bouncing up and down would begin.

"Best show on TV! BEST-SHOW-ON-TV!!!" [That was intended to be read with the enthusiasm and cadence of Homer saying, "Football in the groin! Football in the groin!"] Solid gold.

Tonight's episode had more than a few delectable moments, but I'll be focusing on the true standouts (all of which seem to include Chuck and Blair... go figure...).

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Serena and Dan and Nate of it all, but when compared to the sadistic poetry of Chuck and Blair, everything else just seems like filler. Especially Rufus and Whatsherface... Geez, I really can't remember her name... Last name is Abrams, yes? Oh dear lord, the Alzheimer's appears to have spread. What the crap is her first name?! ...pause... ...pause... Vanessa!!! Ah, yes, Vanessa. I can see where I blocked that out. Yeah, uh, clearly she made an impact. Let's just say she wasn't exactly missed last week...

Anyway, so yeah, Serena and Dan are back together: Meh. Nate is sleeping with Sherry Tinsdale: Meh. Blair is dating a British lord and it's driving Chuck crazy: HELL YES! (Which can I just say? Most outrageously fabulous storyline on any show, ever.)

The power struggle between Chuck and Blair is what makes the show for me. They have both put on so many fronts and facades that neither can be vulnerable without losing the game. And it is a game. The both of them live in a world where they get what they want and control the things and people around them by retaining control and holding more power than those around them. It isn't some whiny, lame, teenage drama for them. It's war. And it's art. And it's FABULOUS!

Blair came out of top during last week's battle royale, so Chuck obviously had to retaliate. Blair is feeling out of her league (dating a lord and all), and Chuck tries to exploit this by getting Blair in hot water with the Duchess. Blair, trying to be someone she's not, let's some of her power slip away for a while, but in the end, Queen B comes back with a vengeance.

The scene in the library made my day, my week, my month, and possibly the whole season. Blair at her absolute best. She had won and she knew it and there's just nothing in the world more fun to watch. She holds all the cards and realizes that she is truly never out of her league (at least not when it comes to evil). The look on her face and she puts the last nails in the Duchess' coffin, that little sadistic, sinister smirk of hers, is so devilishly satisfying that you always want Blair to have the upper hand. Fantastic. She plays the Duchess (and everyone else) like a fiddle--which means she's pretty much equally matched with Chuck, who does exactly the same thing. They are playing a zero-sum game and I'm hoping to hell neither of them ever truly wins or loses. Awesome.

With Chuck and Blair, even the most seemingly irrelevant, ostensibly meaningless conversation is completely captivating to watch because they know, and the audience knows, that in actuality, there are always about 15 layers of meaning going on. It makes their every interaction fascinating and utterly squee-worthy.

Honestly, just tonight, a seemingly simple exchange between the two, with each saying goodnight to the other is 100 times hotter and more intriguing than all the Dan and Serena hook-ups and Nate and cougar affairs in the world. Chuck and Blair had more chemistry in that brief conversation than Dan and Serena did all last season. Or ever will. Sorry Dan, you're annoying. It's time you came to grips with that. You're also dull. Although not as dull as Nate (who, to his credit, really is trying very hard to be more interesting... only time will tell).

Anyway, I'm so psyched for next week I can hardly contain myself! I'm hearing it's going to be insane, so pretty much par for the course for this show.

My mommy will be so excited. Assuming she can remember to be excited...

Okay, I just watched a couple of clips from next week and I'm simply beside myself! So awesome! XOXO, indeed!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Hell (read: "High School") Tag

1. Did you date someone from your school? Date? No. I did however help my friends stalk people... (You know who you are and you know who you stalked...)

2. What kind of car did you drive? No car now, no car then.

3. What was the most embarrassing moment of HS? The whole affair was pretty mortifying, as I recall (which I don't, really--I've repressed those memories rather well, it seems). I don't think this counts as my most embarrassing moment, but it was cringe-worthy. We were all at an assembly and some poor guy on stage was delivering a comedic monologue or something. It was kind of boring, sure, but our socially inept tag-along Dallas went way too far. So this poor guy on stage is going on and on and right before it gets to the punchline, Dallas yells, "You suck!" loud enough for the whole auditorium to hear. Needless to say, it was inappropriate, mean, and completely ruined the punchline to the story. Everyone in my group slunk down in their seats and covered their faces in an "I don't know him" gesture and a collective groan arose from our row. The poor sap finished his monologue, which completely fell flat, and scurried off stage. Smooth, Dallas. Real smooth.

4. Were you a party animal? Uh, yeah, those Catch Phrase parties got out of control...

5. Were you considered a flirt? "Oh, you, hehehe!" Yeah, no.

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Are those the only options? Really? Thankfully, none of the above.

7. Were you a nerd? I was on the debate team, in the Honor Society, took nothing but AP classes, and was valedictorian (although Davis High didn't really have such a distinction). You be the judge.

8. Were you on any varsity teams? Does debate count? It does now. Why yes, yes I was!

9. Did you get suspended/expelled? Given that there's no an anti-cynicism policy (that I know of ) that's punishable by suspension or expulsion, I don't think this was ever much of a threat.

10. Can you still sing the fight song? I don't think I'd even recognize the fight song if I heard it. Let's just say debate tournaments had slightly fewer slutty cheerleaders in attendance than sporting events (annnnd therein lies the appeal).

11. Who were your favorite teachers? Ma Barker, Hyer

12. Where did you sit during lunch? My group had a designated table in the lunch room (designated by all as "the loud table"... as opposed to the "cool table"), but we went out to eat a lot of the time.

13. School mascot? Davis Dragons (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)

14. Did you go to homecoming, and with whom? Home-com-ing?

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? What the hell kind of question is that?! Woe is the sorry soul who would actually go back and do it again. To all those who peaked in high school, may the real world have mercy on your income.

16. What do you remember most about graduation? I'm free! I'm free! That's all I remember.

17. Where did you go senior skip day? I'm willing to wager sleep was on the docket.

18. Were you in any clubs? I think debate was the closest I came to an actual club... Well, that and I was the treasurer for 4H, of course.

19. Have you gained some weight since then? I have weighed within a couple pounds of my current weight since I was 16. I can still wear anything I ever wore in high school

20. Who was your prom date? This questionnaire appears to be pretty shamelessly geared toward people who weren't complete losers and I resent that! Where are questions like, "What grade were you in when you got too tall to be stuffed into a locker?" and such obvious classics like, "After breaking the curve, which would you prefer: swirlies or wedgies?" I mean seriously, who wrote this thing?

21. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion? Oh, lord no. The only appeal a reunion holds for me would be leering at others and I can do that from the comfort of my own home.

22. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? Don't go to class as often, start more fires, trip more cheerleaders in the hall, and take up drinking (although as far as Virginia is concerned, I've already got that last base covered).

Tag some people: Lisa and Bree

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

9021 d'0h!

Wow. Who knew the original Beverly Hills 90210 was such a spectacular show! All these years I thought it had kinda sucked, but now that I've seen the new version, the original is looking less and less like a high school assembly skit gone wrong and more and more like the greatest work of all time.

The CW's revamped (god, I wish there had been vampires), retooled (emphasis on "tool"), and reinvented (ya know, like the wheel, but with bad writing) version of the 90's phenomenon premiered tonight and managed to defy Bart's knowlege of physics by both sucking and blowing. It was bad, folks. Even worse than I had feared. It's this kind of crap that makes it so damn hard to argue with Ammon's elitist "Oh, I don't watch television" argument. It also makes his delivery of the word "television" (as though it's a pejorative) that much more reasonable. It was decidedly not good. It was so bad it was bad. (As opposed to my beloved Gossip Girl that's so bad is FABULOUS!).

I'm guessing Flavia is the only person who actually watched it, and F, try as I might to enjoy even a single solitary moment, I just couldn't! It sucked too much! :( It was so bad it didn't even fall into guilty pleasure territory... Let me count the ways...

(1) The premiere was 2 hours long (because extra length was obviously the missing ingredient in making it good) and yet they still couldn't fit any substantive storyline or exposition into the plot in a meaningful, non-painful way. The first 10 minutes of the show was so anvilicious I could have cried. I kept thinking of that line from The Great Muppet Caper when after a long, random, seemingly out-of-place pile of information is delivered, the character says, "It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere." That was pretty much the crux of the show tonight. The opening sequence went a little something like this:

Teenage dingbat: "Dad, it's such a bummer that we have to move to Beverly Hills from our quaint, small town in Kansas, where I left my boyfriend, Jason. I also had to leave the school play where my talents as an actress and singer were formerly showcased. My blood type is A negative and I am alergic to butterscotch and imitation butterscotch."

Dad who's too good looking and young to be her actual father: "I know it's hard, my daughter who is currently 15, but your grandmother (my mother), Tabitha, needs us, so we're moving back to my home town to try to keep her drinking problem under control, which came as a result of working in showbiz for so many years. I got a job as the principal at West Beverly High School, my alma mater which was founded in 1927, where you and your adopted brother Dixon will be going to school."

It was painful to watch. The dialogue was bad to begin with, but compound that with the insanely bad acting and it was positively pestilent. They could have woven all 800 of those details into a cohesive narrative, but that would take, like, totally way too much time. And like, effort... and stuff.

(2) They decided to throw about 800 characters into the show, none of which does the audience care about even a tiny bit. There was no build-up for anyone (aside from clunky plot exposition), no quiet moments to let the audience feel like they knew who these characters were, no endearing qualities presented, no intriguing aspects of self to be explored, and no acting ability to carry it off. It was patently devoid of depth and it just made me not care about anyone and by extension, the random events that were happening to them. I spent half the pilot trying to remember which stick figure was currently on the screen.

(3) Which brings me to my next grievance. There may be no such thing as being too rich, but there is certainly such thing as being too thin!!! (And I used exclamation points there to give you a visual reference for what these girls would look like lined-up.) Oh wow, the main girl, Annie (it's a shame such a fine name had to be degraded by inclusion in this show) and some girl named Silver (yeah, I know) made the Olsen twins look positively husky. You could have sliced cheese on their collar bones. At one point, Lollipop Head pats Victoria Beckham's Skinnier Cousin on the shoulder and I was sure she had cut her hand clean off. Those girls need sandwiches. Stat.

(4) In a shameless effort at attracting an audience that wasn't completely comprised of junior high school students, the show brought back Kelly and Brenda and Nat (oh my!). It forced me to not only have to keep straight who was related to whom and how with the new cast of characters, but I had to dig out what few memories I have of the old show to remember how all of them were related. Apparently Brandon and Kelly had a son together? Or something? And Kelly is somehow Silver's sister? And Silver is David Silver's... neice? step aunt? cousin-in-law? I didn't care enough to figure it all out, but it was annoying nonetheless. Honestly, when it's possible to keep Julie Cooper Nichol Cooper Roberts Cooper straight in my head, I would have thought nothing could stump me. Having to sort out the Cohens, the Coopers, and the Nicholses on The O.C. should have prepared me better for this show... I believe at one point Marissa was her own cousin... Still didn't help. Oh, how I loved vintage O.C.

(5) I've never seen so much storyline crammed into 2 hours... and I watched The O.C.! It was shocking peeps. Let me just take the main girl, Annie, and give a brief rundown of all that happened to her in the span of roughly two episodes. She moved from Kansas to California where she had to make all new friends. She catches a guy she kind of knows cheating on his girlfriend, Naomi, who eventually becomes of her good friends... or so she thinks. Naomi uses one of Annie's old essays as her own, they both get caught and all hell breaks loose. At Naomi's sweet 16 party (which Annie had to sneak out of the house in order to attend, after having been grounded), the truth about her boyfriend comes out and Annie goes around aplogizing to everyone for it. Oh, Annie also makes an enemy out of Silver who posts some nasty things about her on a blog. She and Silver become friends after the whole Naomi thing went down because apparently Silver hates Naomi a lot or something. Naomi helps Annie win a role in the school musical and tells Annie all about her tortured past. Annie breaks up with her boyfriend from Kansas, hooks up with some guy from drama, goes with him to San Fran on his private jet, and gets in trouble for lying about the whole thing when her mom finds something San Fran-esque in her pocket. Also, while she's gone, her grandmother gets in a car accident, and Annie feels all terrible or whatever. She and Naomi's ex, Ethan, have a heart-to-heart about old times and he decides he likes her. Ethan goes over to Annie's house, but finds her making out with San Fran on the porch. That's all I remember, and that's the Cliffs Notes version, BELIEVE ME, so wow...

If that's what happened in the pilot, I have to assume she'll be a top-secret government operative/magician/Libyan arms dealer by the end of the season. That's really the most logical course of events, as near as I can tell.

Oh, there are so many more grivances I could air, but I don't care enough about the show to bother. In general, I don't judge pilots very harshly. After most, I'm intrigued enough to at least give the series a few more episodes to wow me. With 90210... Yeahhh... not so much.

It's kind of a relief not to have to add this steaming pile of unfortunate career moves to my must-watch list, because lord knows, it's pretty full, but I would have liked to have at least had to think about it. This was a no-brainer (in every conceivable sense).

Grade: D (It would have failed flat-out, but Lucille Bluth was in it, so I was lenient.)

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Are you kids hugging the TV?!

It's here! It's finally here! New TV!!!!

After months and months of sorrow and suffering, my one true love is finally returning. The writers' strike made last year particularly difficult, what with half my shows not coming back after Christmas, so I am even more excited for this season to start than usual. I'm still a bit bummed about the meager options being presented as new pilots this year, but I'll get over it. So long as my oldies but goodies are on the docket, I'm happy!

The next few weeks are going to be jam-packed, so fire up your DVRs and cancel your dinner plans because you've got more important things to do. Speaking of which, my DVR has changed my life. It was hell on earth getting it set-up (a big thanks to DirecTV for finally being competent for 10 little minutes--I know that was tough), but it was allll worth it. I will now be able to watch more TV than ever before! So this is what happiness feels like...

Anyway, below is the line-up for the coming weeks and if you want to see a day-by-day calendar of what's on when and against what, go here.


---SEPTEMBER---


Monday, September 1
Tuesday, September 2
Wednesday, September 3
Sunday, September 7
Monday, September 8
Tuesday, September 9
Tuesday, September 16
Thursday, September 18
Monday, September 22
Tuesday, September 23
Wednesday, September 24
Thursday, September 25
Sunday, September 28
Monday, September 29
---OCTOBER---

Wednesday, October 1
Friday, October 3
Monday, October 6
Thursday, October 9
Monday, October 13
Tuesday, October 14
Friday, October 17
Thursday, October 30

Saturday, August 30, 2008

CBS: Standard Operating Procedurals

It finally happened. After spinning CSI off into every possible direction, CBS finally decided they'd spun it as far as it would go... we hope...

Apparently CBS (and the world at large) has finally had their fill of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, and Without a Trace (yep, that was spun off of CSI, in case you didn't know). Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not absolutely dying to see CSI: Boise or anything, because I think we're all gearing up for that one, but honestly, there are only so many ways you can tweak a procedural before it's overdone...

Or so one would have thought.

Yes, that's right. Although no new offerings of CSI are plaguing CBS's new fall line-up, two of the very few new shows slated to run are procedurals (because clearly CBS didn't have nearly enough). Quick TV lesson: A "procedural" is a show that involves a case or a mystery that is solved each week. The central A-plot of each episode (or series of episodes) revolves around the steps taken to solve whatever it is the characters are trying to solve. Shows like Criminal Minds, Cold Case CSI, and Law & Order are crime procedurals. A show like House is considered a medical procedural. Even Pushing Daisies and Veronica Mars could be considered procedurals in that there's a mystery each week to be solved. When you look at CBS's line-up, I kid you not, more than 2/3rds of the programming falls into the crime procedural category. And from looking at the new fall season, clearly they're trying to push that into 3/4ths territory... Yay... I can hardly wait... [Sarcasm sufficiently noted? Super, let's move on.]

Not that I hate procedurals, but they're completely overdone as far as I'm concerned. Between the family of CSIs and the brotherhood of Law & Orders, the amount of related programming at a wedding of the two would make a Bristow/Derevko reunion look positively sparce by comparison. It's kind of ridiculous, but here we go with two more charming additions to the bloodbath.

First up, The Mentalist

Per CBS:

The Mentalist stars Golden Globe Award nominee Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, an independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI), who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation. Within the Bureau, Jane is notorious for his blatant lack of protocol and his semi-celebrity past as a psychic medium, whose paranormal abilities he now admits he feigned. Jane's role in cracking a series of tough high-profile cases is greatly valued by his fellow agents. However, no-nonsense Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon openly resists having Jane in her unit and alternates between reluctantly acknowledging Jane's usefulness and blasting him for his theatrics, narcissism and dangerous lack of boundaries. Lisbon's team includes agents Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby and rookie member Grace Van Pelt, who all think Jane's a loose cannon but admire his charm and knack for clearing cases.


Hehe. Yeah, so he works for the CBI? Seriously? That's about as close to spinning him off into a CSI as they could get without actually doing so. Way to branch out, CBS. Anyway, here are a couple of clips to show you just how different and edgy this show is going to be:



Apparently the well of TV serial killers has all but run dry, because seriously? Red John? That's your bad guy? I can just see the writers' room: "Red Bobbie Ray? No, not threatening enough... Red Harry? Problematic on several levels... Red Rover? Red Baron? Simply Red? All taken... Red John it is!"

Anyway, to the show's credit, it has Simon Baker in the lead, and he's a pretty decent actor who could certainly anchor a show. Whether or not he's compelling enough to anchor this particular show has a lot to do with him, but much more to do with the show's writing. Having not seen an episode yet, it's hard to judge, but given that he'll have to overcome a hackneyed concept and the almost non-existent acting range of Robin Tunney, I defintely have my reservations. Oh, Robin Tunney. Just keep staring blankly off in to space, Sweetie. She's so bland. I really wish she just would have died off in the House pilot (she played the kindergarten teacher in the first episode), then this wouldn't be an issue...

Here's another clip that gives a bit more in the way of story direction:



In spite of the glut of shows in this particular genre, I'm a bit hopeful for this one. Simon Baker is charming enough and I'm at least mildly intrigued to see his connection to Red John and why he is who he is. It smacks of a more serious version of Psych, but I'm hearing it's actually takes a very different tack. The buzz around the show has been fairly limited, but pretty decent overall.

THE VERDICT: It all really depends on how much you love procedurals. It's by no means my favorite genre, but when it's done right, I can definitely get sucked in. For me, the balance of procedure and character development is key. I err on the side of more character, less step-by-step case solving, so when character development is limited, so is my viewing. I'll be giving this show a chance, but I doubt it will garner a reserved slot in my viewing schedule. I'll more than likely DVR this bad boy and watch it whenever I get an opening.

Next up to bat... Eleventh Hour

Once again, per CBS:

Eleventh Hour, from acclaimed producer Jerry Bruckheimer, follows Dr. Jacob Hood, a brilliant biophysicist and special science advisor to the government, as he investigates scientific crises and oddities. His jurisdiction is absolute and Hood is dogged in his pursuit of those who would abuse and misuse scientific discoveries and breakthroughs for their own gain. His passion and crusade is to protect the substance of science from those with nefarious motives. He is called in at the eleventh hour and he represents the last line of defense. Special Agent Rachel Young is the decorated FBI protection officer assigned to watch Hood’s back.

This show is based on a British series that starred Patrick Stewart, so right off the bat (note continued lame baseball cliches), I have to approach with prejudice. American imports are only very rarely any good and almost never exceed the quality of the foreign version. However, The Office managed to borrow from the Brits and turn it into one of my all-time favorite shows, which in my opinion, is even better than the British version (which set the bar pretty high). I'm not as hopeful for this one...

Here's a teaser trailer:



Not a DELICATE situation!!! Run! Anyway...

It looks like this particular procedural is taking a hint of the X-Files bent as it tries to retool an overworked genre... I'm hearing that the stroyline in this promo has actually been deemed too squicky for a pilot, so the show has been reworked and the events that would have appeared in the pilot will not appear in a later episode. Historically, NOT a good sign.

I do enjoy Rufus Sewell, however, so I'm trying to force myself to give this a shot. Now, while Sewell always does a great job, I don't think I've ever seen him NOT play a bad guy, so seeing him on the side of truth and justice comes as a bit jarring. Add to that the fact that he has an obligatory hot blond, played by the ever-imposing Marley Shelton to serve as protection, or whatever, and you've got an uncertain premise to work with. "Hi, I'm Bambi! I'll be your bodyguard/will-they-or-won't-they love interest. Just let me get my espionage boots on and I'll be ready for protectioning! Hehe!"

And then there's Marc "I suck the life out of every scene I'm in" Blucas. He made Buffy painful to watch and I don't anticipate any change here. He must have an uncle or cousin with some mob ties or something because I have a hard time seeing how he ever gets cast in anything. He was pretty decent in the episode of House that he was in, but he happened to be dying at the time, so it was unduly satisfying to watch.

And then there's the Jerry Bruckheimer angle. May God have mercy on our TVs. He's produced a few winners in his day, but did anyone see Pearl Harbor? I'd have sooner been present at the actual bombing than have sat through that dreck. It would have been considerably less painful. Oh, the humanity! His presence does not instill confidence...

Anyway, here's another clip to flesh out the experience:



The storyline seems weak and like they're imbuing it with a false sense of urgency and doom. They're really just trying a little too hard to be edgy and cool and it's coming off as creepy. And the whole "I'm the one they call when things go wrong" angle is always hard to pull off, so I'm fairly skeptical of this one. It's all been done, folks, and I'm just not confident that they'll be able to re-invent the wheel successfully.

THE VERDICT: I'll DVR it, but I'm not going to hang on too tightly. This one just doesn't strike me as having much staying power. I don't anticipate hanging in there past the pilot. This one just isn't grabbing me and what little buzz there has been isn't exactly glowing (not that it's terrible, but it merits no hype, that's for sure).

I'd much rather see the British version, quite frankly...



Patrick Stewart can pull off even the weakest of storylines. Rufus Sewell? We'll just have to wait and see.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Adorable Failures

I came across these and they completely cracked me up. I'm a big animal-lover, however, so I'm guessing I found them more charming than most will (except Flavia, who blows me out of the water). :) The picture of the dog trying to catch the ball gets me every time. I'm not even sure why. Anyway, enjoy!