Wardrobe Malfunction

So... watched NBC's new pilot The Cape last night... Wow, I didn't exactly approach this one with anything even resembling high expectations and it was still even worse than I thought it would be.

Suffice it to say, they actually aired the pilot and the second episode last night and I couldn't be bothered (read: threatened at gunpoint) to watch the second episode, even though it was sitting right there, already recorded and everything. Geez, I couldn't make it through the pilot without some fast-forwarding, let alone undertaking another one. (Oooh, speaking of "undertaking," have I got the show for you!)

It's hardly worth even providing a run-down of this one, but here's the 30 second version of the pilot. (Ann and Annie got to see the live-action version of this this morning. There were hand actions and facial expressions to help truly convey the absurdity of the whole affair. You'll just have to make those up on your own, which, with what you're about to read, shouldn't be too much of a stretch.)

Here's the gist. So this cop named Vince goes to work for some mega-billionaire type who wants to privatize the police force or something. Vince wants to make a difference and save the city from the evil mastermind Chess (yes, the big bad is named Chess--I was actually hoping it was simply short for Chester, but alas). Well, turns out his new boss is Chess (Dun-dun-dun! oh my god! what a shocking surprise! and in the first 10 minutes of the show!) and wants to frame Vince for his crimes. Muahahahaha ("So, that's, you know, coming along.") To give you a quick idea of what this tyrannous super-villain is like, I'd say he's a combination of Voldemort, Warren Buffet, and The Rocketeer (Let me guess, you were with me until the Rocketeer. Because I think everyone initially thought, Voldemort and Warren Buffet?! Together at last!) What is his master plan for framing Vince, you ask? Why, simply staple Chess' snake mask to Vince's head, of course! I wish I were kidding. Anyway, Vince gets chased by the cops, falls down into some sort of underground something or other and is believed dead, but don't worry, some circus performers come and save him... Yeah, this is where things get particularly special (as in, "stop eating the paste" special). The circus performers [oh, good god, I'm trying to give you the basic happenings here, but they're just horrendous, so I'm struggling] at one point use his master key card to rob banks (because the powers-that-be wouldn't have deactivated that card after its owner was revealed as Chess or anything... or after he died... or definitely not after the third bank was robbed) and then decide to add him to their crew. They teach him all their circus tricks and how to use a cape as a weapon so that he can fight injustice and take down the real Chess and prove to his son that there's good in the world! It was even lamer than it sounds. The cape is basically a flapping dickey that retracts at his command (so, you know, only slightly less badass than rainbow suspenders). When extolling its virtues, Vince's mentor tells him about the amazing technology of the cape, such as--wait for it-- a weighted hem! No really, that's it. That's all he could come up with, and quite frankly, it's more than I came up with. (I think he said something about it being made of spider silk or something, but it sounded like it was lifted wholesale from Batman Begins, so I don't think they get credit). Long story short (but not nearly short enough), Vince teams up with an internet blogger named Orwell (yeah, I know, it's bad) to fight injustice, blah, blah, blah.

In case that brass tacks assessment wasn't telling enough, let me assure you that the premise, basic plot structure, character design, and story development were all equally absurd. To recount all the problems with this pilot would take ages and would be a colossal waste of everyone's time. The entire thing was nonsensical and at least 80% was unintelligible given the amount of effort I could bring myself to spend on this. Wait, so how did the really bad guys know that the... semi... bad guys were... wait, where were they? Oh, who the hell cares. Not only was the actual narrative cheese-tastic and ludicrous, but the people behind the show apparently think that the viewers are complete and total morons who 1) won't notice the glaring plot-holes and overall lameness of the show and 2) need to be reminded about events that happened in the last scene. I kid you not, during the reveal of Vince's new boss as Chess, they flash back to the conversation Vince had with him 5 minutes ago. Dear show, I may not be able to bring myself to pay that close of attention to this piece of shit, but I can still remember who Vince's boss is between now and the last time I blinked.

It's fairly common for me to feel that it's unfortunate for certain actors to have signed onto a show, but it's pretty rare for me to genuine pity their poor career choices with each and every passing scene. I spent the entire pilot wondering how on earth anyone got roped into this farce, let alone any actual names. Summer Glau, what the hell are you doing here? Keith David? Really? James Frain? You've decided to take your new recognizability from your recent turn on True Blood and apply it here? It was seriously hard to watch.

Lest you immediately think that I simply didn't get what they were trying to do here, or that this simply isn't my kind of show, let me disabuse you of the notion as best I can. I understand where they were going with this, and in the correct hands, I think it could have been successful, but here, it simply fell flat. They seemed to be aiming for a semi-nostalgic throwback to the comic book themes and ideals of the '50s and '60s, hoping to update the genre while paying homage to the past. I have a feeling they were hoping for The Dark Knight, but the end result was more akin to Bibleman (you know, but without all the scripture and 100% less Willie Aames (Hey, look at that! The Cape does have something going for it!). At some point, my brother and I had to theorize that they were making it intentionally awful, like maybe they wanted to point to outdated and outmoded perceptions of good and evil using a campy sendup, then give it a modern spin...? Or something? Try as we might, we couldn't come up with an artistic reason why this show would be so terrible. Then we simply stopped trying. It was after my brother decided that The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers was better that he officially threw in the towel. I love comic books (Marvel in particular was more my style than DC, generally speaking) and often love their adaptations, but this was one is better suited to the trash bin. Perhaps if it were animated, it could have been watchable, but primetime insists on live-action for drama, so here we are. Seriously, any and every random episode of The Justice League would blow this sucker out of the water. Who knows, maybe I completely missed the boat on what they were trying to do here and I've spent the last several paragraphs missing the point entirely. Whatever they were trying to do, it didn't work for me, I know that much.

Again, under the exact right circumstances, the laughable concept, sub-par special effects, and vintage feel could possibly have worked, but here? It's just a joke. And not a very funny one. Well, not intentionally funny at any rate. It took itself entirely too seriously to have this kind of a concept at its base. I salute them for going all in, but it just didn't gel for me. I don't know that even the almighty Joss Whedon could have rescued this one. I could see where a different creative team could have ended up with a final product that was akin to the Tim Burton versions of Batman, where all the crazy costumes, heightened reality, and narrative absurdities could actually come together to make for a compelling, visually interesting, and unique take on a classic, but The Cape was a fail for me. The laundry list of problems extends from huge fundamental concept issues to the most menial of details and spans everything in between. The lead actor's pitiful attempt at an American accent was probably least of the show's worries, and that's usually right at the top of my list. Here? It barely made the list at all. What can I say? I was so distracted by how horrible the dialogue itself was, that I could barely appreciate the Australian accent shining through we each passing, clumsily delivered line.

I struggled through the pilot, but soldiered to the end where Vince, now known as "The Cape" (great name, buddy), tells his son that things can still get better and that he shouldn't lose hope. Sorry, "The Cape," but I've already lost all hope in you, this show, and in NBC's ability to ever have anything that's ever worth watching ever again. Based on the show's tepid ratings (not horrendous, but for a series premiere, they're nothing to write home about), I'm not the only one who was underwhelmed. For NBC's sake, I hope somebody liked this, but that's certainly not me.

Pilot Grade: F

Getting Lost

You know that feeling you get when all your friends start talking about something and you realize that you were the only person on the planet who wasn't present for whatever fabulous event it is that they're talking about? That's how I've felt about Lost for the past... good god, what is it now? Six years? Man alive, I was still in college when I completely missed that cultural phenomenon...

I know, I know, there's something seriously wrong about posting my very first Lost comments several months after the series finale, but, what can I say? I'm finally, finally, finally getting around to watching it.


How did I miss it in the first place, you ask? Well, it's honestly not all that mysterious (unlike the show). As mentioned, I was still in college, so I had considerably less time for TV (I was still competing in the minor leagues and had yet to become a full-fledged professional). To boot, it was back in the dark ages before I had DVR capability, so if I wanted to catch two shows at once, I actually had to tape it (there used to be these things called "tapes" you see) in my bedroom whilst watching whatever else there was live (and actually sitting through commercials... oh, the humanity!). Well, it was the fall of 2004 when Lost premiered... opposite Veronica Mars. I honestly wasn't all that enthralled by the first couple of episodes of Lost, so I turned my loyalties to Veronica instead. It's a decision I don't regret, although ideally, I would have kept them both. Let's face it, Veronica Mars needed my viewership more than Lost anyway... back when there was a network called UPN. God, I feel old.

Anyway, as mentioned, the first couple of episodes of Lost really just... didn't really do it for me. I could appreciate how well-made and accomplished it was, but I simply couldn't invest in it. Had I known it would turn into the biggest show in town, I'd had tried harder, but, well, too late for that. It isn't exactly the kind of show you can start in on half-way through the third season or anything, so if you didn't get in on the ground floor, you were screwed. 2004 was also a time when instant streaming online was only a pipe dream...

Then came Netflix (cue the hallelujah chorus in your heads, please). Instant play... Instant joy, more like. I am now living in an age when there is never nothing on. Valhalla in my living room. Sigh [oh joy, rather than frustration, resignation, and pity--a true rarity on this blog]. Anyway, I started in on the series anew, determined to give it more than two episodes to grab me. I watched the first few, still not all that enamored, and then an assortment of unknown bastards took it off instant play! I'm still not clear on what happened really (or at whom I should be shaking my fist, old wily prospector-style), but the crux of the matter is that it took what little motivation I had and made it non-existent. Sigh [a good ol' frustration sigh]. Well, it's back now, so guess what I did over Christmas vacation?

I'm about 2/3rds of the way through season 2 (episode 15ish, I believe) and am happy to say that I can now see what all the fuss was about. I wouldn't say it's my favorite show of all time or anything, but it's a solid, entertaining (if sometimes woefully paced) serial that should have garnered more of my attention 6 years ago. Even though I'm truly enjoying it now, I have to admit that took till about episode 10 of the first season to even start to care. I'm closing in on the end of the second season and for about half the characters, I still don't care. That's the main problem with the show for me and is the primary reason it hasn't carved out an obsessive place in my heart. With an ensemble cast of this size, there's no way that each and every character is going to connect with everyone in the audience, I grant that, but the format of this particular show leads so some serious boredom depending of who is central to an episode.

Let me count the ways...

PEOPLE AND STORYLINES THAT CAN OFFICIALLY BITE ME

First and foremost...

Michael and Walt: So don't care. Never have cared. Not even a little. Good god, I've learned more about their backstory than I ever would have cared to. Add to that the fact that their current storylines are as annoying as the backstory was dull and you've got a true recipe for fast-forwarding (not that I have, but I've been tempted... seriously tempted). What with everyone's backstories interlacing with everyone else's, I'm too hesitant to zip through the mind-numbiness of the Michael and Walt storyline, so I just sit through it. Again and again. God, it feels like one endless, meaningless, bland custody argument after another inter-cut with Michael prattling on and on about how much he loves his boy, blah, blah, blah. There's an excellent chance that it's just me that can't stand these two (mostly Micheal--Walt doesn't bother me that much, which says a lot of about Michael given my general distaste for children). I can see where parents would see themselves in these characters and could relate to their undying bond in a more poignant way than I can. At the end of the day, they are far and away the biggest drain on the show for me. I usually adore Harold Perrineau is the real kicker! I couldn't care less that Walt got kidnapped. Quite frankly, hats off to the Others for getting rid of all the children on the show. If only they could kidnap children on other shows as well, I think they'd be a lock for the Nobel Prize (you know, as soon as I manage to overhaul all the "peace" and "chemistry" with "television"). What's even worse than my apathy toward Walt's plight is Michael's obsessive, irrational, blustering search for him. Good lord, if his fellow castaways have to go traipsing after him while he implements the worst plans of all time to get his son back, I might just have throw something at the TV. Now, throwing things at the TV doesn't usually produce a whole lot of results for me, but I'm going to assume the island has its ways. Dear god I hope it has its ways...

Next up, everyone else I can't stand/don't care about:

Shannon... will not be missed. Geez louise, show, you kill off Boone before you kill off Shannon? Really? I actually liked Boone! Immediately! (Only about 87% of my instant love for Boone comes from my love of The Vampire Diaries. The other 13% comes directly from his eyes...) In a cast of characters, most of whom I don't care about, losing Damo--uh, Boone was like a kick in the teeth (or a mid-sized plane to the face, as it were). I knew he got killed off (I know a surprising amount about shows I don't actually watch--although I do try to avoid spoilers if I can), but didn't know it happened so soon. Fortunately, this is Lost, so death isn't really death, but still. Shannon, on the other hand, can stay dead, please. Shooting Shannon is the only good thing Ana Lucia ever did (speaking of people who can't die fast enough). Heh, when Ana Lucia was all worried about Sayid seeking revenge for Shannon's death because she "killed someone he loved," all I could think was, "Oh, honey, don't you worry. No one on the planet was buying that ridiculous love story anyway, so you should be in the clear." Seriously, when her sexual relationship with her brother (sort of) is more compelling and believable than her island romance with Sayid, you know you're in trouble. Poor Sayid. I adore Sayid, and he ended up spending an unfortunate amount of time pretending to care about brainless bint Shannon. I'm glad that's over.

Charlie, Claire, and "the Bye-be!!!" Please make it stop. Please? As with Sawyer, I liked Claire and the baby a whole lot more when it was Claire and the fetus. Even then, I wasn't exactly crying my eyes out when Ethan kidnapped her. I know I'm supposed to fear the Others because they're all scary and violent or whatever, but I really just fear that they have truly terrible taste in kidnap victims. Seriously, no one in the camp wants to take Sawyer? Or Sayid? Or hell, Rose? Man alive, Claire's constant caterwauling about the baby and her bickering with Charlie drives me nuts. Her storyline is making me like Charlie less and that's a shame on a number of levels, because I love Charlie, even in spite of the ham-fisted addiction storyline. She couldn't have stayed kidnapped? Really? That was always the problem with Ethan... follow through. You couldn't keep track of a 90 pound pregnant girl? Seriously? Ugh.

Ana Lucia: Saints be praised she flew coach, is all I can say. Had she been on the show from day one, I never would have made it this far. I have never been a fan of Michelle Rodriguez, but if possible, she's even more detestable here than elsewhere. She's supposed to be prickly, I get that, but she isn't the kind of character who's fun to hate, you just hate her. Michelle plays the exact same character in every show she's ever in, so I have to wonder how on earth she hasn't gotten any better at it. I'm a badass who's had it rough so I have this hard exterior, blah, blah, blah, but I'm really just a broken individual who has emotional issues as evidenced by this scene of me crying... Ugh. She can't get killed off quickly enough. That episode that was nothing but the passengers from the tail section was nigh-unbearable. I keep hoping the island is just magical enough (which in this case, must be hella-magical) that it could manage to wipe that scowl off her face, but I'm not holding my breath.

That's by no means the full extent of my annoyances with the show, but those are the key players. With that array of irksome elements, it's no wonder it's taken me this long to dedicate myself to show, but you may be wondering why I'm willing to stick around at all. Well, with Lost, there's so much going on that there's a hell of a lot of good with the bad.

THE REASONS I'M STILL WATCHING THE SHOW

First off, there's no denying that it's one of the slickest productions in town. Sure that polar bear looked like something from Epcot might have, but by and large, the show's production values are beyond reproach. I always give a lot more leeway to serials than procedurals, and quite frankly, it doesn't get much more serial than Lost. Granted, the ongoing story arcs with Lost took longer to take root than I'd have preferred, but now that I'm in, I am all in. I love having to actually pay attention to a show. Even in the flashbacks that might not grip me completely (ahem, Michael), the writers drop in little nods to other characters, subtle pieces of information that have a more comprehensive impact, and characters that overlap from one backstory to another that I'm invested. For example, during a Jack-centric episode, his future wife arrives in the ER, having crashed her car into a Mr. Rutherford. Now, having paid attention to the show, I knew that Shannon's last name was Rutherford, so it was unduly satisfying to have the "A-ha!" moment of putting those things together. Sure, the connection wasn't made definite until a later Shannon-centric episode, but that makes it even more fun. I love a show where I can speculate and formulate theories and Lost has that in spades.

The interweaving of stories has its downside, however, as I learned when Goodwin showed up and I about had a heart-attack. I seriously had to pause the show because I knew I knew him from somewhere, but couldn't remember if he was in a flashback or was on the plane or what. It then dawned on me that in fact, he wasn't from someone else's flashback or anything like that... he's from a different show entirely. Oh, that's right, he was on my other Christmas break viewing selection, Friday Night Lights. What the hell is Tim Riggins' father doing on the island!? Ah yes, that's where I know him from, Dillon, Texas. Sigh. It was a bizarre experience and a sobering reminder of why I shouldn't mix marathons... it always ends bad!

In addition to the overall appeal of the show's set-up, and amidst the bevy of characters I simply can't stand, there are a lot of people to love as well.

Sawyer is delightful on about 87 different levels, although his easy-on-the-eyeishness would make up for any deficiencies even if he weren't. His one-liners are second to none and he says all the things to the characters I hate that throwing my remote at the screen simply can't convey. He's a self-serving son of a bitch with long hair and no consideration for anyone else on the island. I adored him instantly. (He helped get me through the early episodes where I was a little lacking in the caring department. I may not have had cares, but I still had eyes. Oh, so pretty.)

Sun and Jin took a long time to grow on me. Especially Jin. It's only really been in recent episodes that I've grown to love these two, but I'd say, more so than probably any other islanders, their progression has been the most profound and engaging. For a good long while I wanted to punch Jin in the face, but he's come a long way, so I'll keep the face-punching at bay...

Hurley, ever the comic relief of the show, is completely lovable and has one of the best backstories. It's incredibly light and morbidly dark all at the same time and I love it. He adds some much needed levity to the show, but isn't a total joke. He may seem like the goofball of the cast, but he has one of the harder balancing acts to manage and he does so effortlessly. I think that's maybe why he isn't seen as quite the A-lister than others are. He might not have all the bells and whistles and, well, torture and gunplay of other backstories, but his is still one of the best. And, near as I can tell from where I am in the series, one of the most important.

Mr. Eko is far and away the finest addition the tail section made to the cast. He's kind of fabulous... in a truly horrific way.

Sayid is a badass in a disturbingly quiet way. I always enjoy characters who have an unassuming air about them, but are actually uncompromising badasses at the core. He has one of the more unsettling backstories, so his episodes are sometimes a little tough to watch, but he retains such a dignified control of his surroundings that it manages to ground things. Michael Emerson just arrived on the show, and the interplay between the two so far has been electric, so I kinda can't wait to see where things go from here. As long as Sayid is going, I'm there.

Locke is... well, Locke. Kind of like Sayid in terms of tone, he's an enigmatic character who's ostensibly calm and civil, but who isn't afraid to take matters into his own hands when necessary. He plays the back and forth of his own good and evil incredibly well and keeps me guessing as to his motives and allegiances on a constant basis.

And then comes Jack and Kate. I had a hard time deciding just what I think of these two. Jack mostly annoys the hell out of me with his sanctimonious moralizing and insufferable leader-of-the-packishness, but he's certainly handy to have around. I sure as well wouldn't want to be the only doctor on the island, that's for sure, so I can see where he's generally a mopey, pissy ball of moral highground, but that doesn't make it any less irksome to watch. Kate, on the other hand, I want to love, and often do, but then she goes and does something that doesn't make any sense at all and I'm back in conflicted-ville. Oy. When she's playing the role as brassy conniving Kate, I'm on board. When she's constantly apologizing to Jack for everything under the sun, not so much. The Jack/Kate/Sawyer love triangle is another one of those where I'm so entirely partial to one of side that it's nothing but annoying to watch the third party be all wishy-washy about her suitors. Kate doesn't openly whine about her love life, which wins her a hell of a lot of points in my book, but from where I'm sitting, there's only one winner here, and it ain't the doc. Sure, she has a tortured past that makes her attraction to Sawyer more complicated than that, blah, blah, blah, but as with Stefan, Elena, and Damon, or Angel, Buffy, and Spike, there's complicated and there's there's totally bland. I'll take complicated, thanks, and it's hard to understand otherwise.

This entire discussion is about 6 years late, so I'll wrap things up, but I did want to address a couple more points. I'm guessing if I'd watched the show week-to-week, I probably wouldn't have noticed, but when you watch a season and a half in a matter of days, they're impossible to overlook...

First, I am sick to death of seeing two characters talking, then character A looks at something in the distance with a fearful/perplexed/shocked look, only to have character B ask, "What? What is it? What are you looking at?" then slowly turn to see what character A was staring at. Because yeah, that's totally what would happen. I'm sorry, but when I'm talking to someone and he/she starts staring at something behind me, call me crazy, but I'll just turn the hell around! Seriously, it's one of those dramatic devices that drives me crazy and Lost seems to have gotten a deal at Costco for an entire palette of them or something.

And second, exactly how many hundreds of times do you have to type in Hurley's numbers before you can type them in correctly?! Seriously people, this job is not that hard. Again, heavy-handed dramatic device and it drives me crazy. It's usually Locke at the helm though, and he's pretty old, so maybe he's just not that computer savvy (as savvy as typing in a bunch of numbers requires... oy). Apparently the 40,000 people who just won $150 in the lottery using Hurley's numbers have better manual dexterity... Hey, they had potentially hundreds of dollars at stake, whereas the islanders have... uh, life? No big.

Anyway, I imagine anyone reading this can barely even remember what was going on with the show this long ago, so it's hardly worth even mentioning, but I needed to vent. It's weird because I caught little tidbits and nuggets about the show over the years, but never really had the context for them. Now I have all these little facts in my head, but don't know when to apply them. It ruins some of the reveals and surprises, but it also gives me more to theorize with.

Welcome to the fold, Lost. I'm not sure when I'll finish the series, but I'll get there. I'm currently in the middle of about half a dozen shows (The Wire, Rescue Me, Weeds, Friday Night Lights, and I'll be starting Breaking Bad and Damages or Mad Men soon).

So much TV, so little time. I seriously need to quit my job and finally focus on the important things in life...

Shameless

I recently asked my darling Matt Roush (one of my favorites in the wonderful world of TV--he has actual opinions and isn't afraid to share them) if there were any good midseason offerings to look forward to. As expected, it sounds like the Big Four are bringing very little to the table (from what I've seen so far, I'm unimpressed and a little afraid), but cable has some goodies in store.

• Question: Having seen several dozen ads for Showtime's new series Shameless over the past few months, I was only mildly intrigued. The cast looks phenomenal (William H. Macy, Emmy Rossum), but the concept didn't initially grab me. However, I caught the 20-minute preview after the Dexter finale (well played, Showtime) and it really piqued my interest. I was actually pretty surprised at how invested I became after only a few minutes. I'm not sure it'll make my top-10 list (too soon to tell), but I think it has a lot of potential. Have you seen the full pilot? What did you think? Also, are there any other new midseason shows worth watching? After a fall slate of new pilots that was almost universally underwhelming (with a few shining exceptions — I miss you already, Terriers), I'm really hoping that midseason brings some better options. Based on precedent, I'm guessing network TV probably isn't the desired destination, but are there any surprise winners I should look out for? Or will the big four simply fill in scheduling holes with second-string pilots that weren't good enough for fall? Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts. — Lacy
  
  Matt Roush: I've seen three episodes so far and I am mostly on board, especially where Emmy Rossum is concerned. She's electrifying, and there's something compelling about watching her and her endearingly scruffy siblings scramble to survive (while ministering to their degenerate drunk dad) that put me in mind of Fagin's den of thieves in Oliver Twist. The show sometimes pushes too hard for shock value, especially where Macy and an agoraphobic lunatic played by Joan Cusack are concerned, but that kind of overindulgence comes with the pay-cable territory. Shameless is a distinctive show that will likely get a lot of critical attention — but I'm more fond of Showtime's other Sunday newbie: Episodes, the TV satire starring Matt LeBlanc and two sensational British actors, Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig, as comedy writers whose vision is corrupted by Hollywood. Beyond that, though, and FX's darkly compelling drama Lights Out, there isn't much in this first wave of midseason programming (at least that I've sampled so far) that is wowing me. The network stuff in particular is as uninspired as most of the fall disappointments, and that is not a happy observation to make this early in the new year.
  

If you don't already frequent Matt Roush's column, I'd highly recommend it. Aside from posting comments from brilliant and esteemed television viewers (*cough* speaking of shameless *cough*), he's willing to give an honest, unflinching review of shows. Many of the gossip columnists I frequent have personal relationships with actors and showrunners that can lead to bias (Michael Ausiello) or they are simply too afraid of offending someone to put it all on the line (Kristin Dos Santos). Matt never holds back or waters down his perceptions. While other websites offer more in terms of spoilers and gossip, Matt has a more straight-forward critical eye that's very much appreciated.

Michael Ausiello, who used to work for Entertainment Weekly, has a new website that looks very promising. He teamed up with a couple other TV gurus (Matt Webb Mitovich among them) and created TV Line, which just launched with the new year. Those personal connections to actors and showrunners that may lead to bias also lead to some great interviews, titillating spoilers, and comprehensive television news coverage. Highly recommended. For those of you who were a little shocked and dismayed by Monday's countdown to devastation on How I Met Your Mother, you'll definitely want to check out TV Line's interview with show creator Carter Bays. I think all viewers were a little perplexed and saddened by that particular twist and it was nice to have some answers from the powers-that-be with the show. I really liked the countdown device. I wasn't sure if it was counting down to something great or something horrible, but it definitely gave the episode a lot more weight and urgency than it otherwise would have. I think most viewers probably suspected that it was counting down to conception, and that was certainly on my list of possibilities, but there was something a little ominous about the ticking clock that made me wary. The current season of HIMYM has managed to renew my love of the show after a disappointing previous season and Monday's outing was one of their best.

My Top 10 of 2010

With the end of the year upon us, retrospectives and top [insert random number here] lists have been cropping up all over the place. I don't usually do a top whatever list, but I've seen some pretty crazy-ass entries on some lists lately and felt the need to make my own preferences clear. Seriously, Huge? You're kidding me, right?

Here are my picks... (They're numbered, but there really isn't any particular order. I just picked ten and plopped them in there wherever.)

MY SCRIPTED TOP 10 (ish)

1) The Good Wife
I'm sure you're all sick to death of hearing about my love for The Good Wife, but what can I say? It really is the best show on network TV and can hold its own against cable. It does a better job balancing its elements than just about any other show on air, taking what could have been a standard legal procedural and turning it into a captivating drama that borders on a serial. When the show was first pitched, they aimed for 60% courtroom A-plots, 40% serial B-plots. I heard in an interview though that those values were ultimately reversed, and I think that's the key to its excellence (and probably a bit of why its ratings aren't where they should be). Your average middle-American apparently doesn't like to have to remember anything about anything week-to-week, which is why straight-up procedurals do so well here. Well, I hate procedurals, as you'll probably notice from their scarcity on this list. Give me a good serial any day, thanks. The Good Wife has it all and delivers every single week. Kudos, CBS, for doing something right for once.

2) Terriers
Yet another show you're probably sick of hearing about, but its warranted. I'm bummed beyond belief that this true gem won't be back for a second season, but I commend FX for airing the entire season in spite of dismal ratings (the show would have been pulled from network TV after 1 episode) and for manning up and telling us it was canceled right after the finale, rather than casually pretending the show had a chance until the last minute. Funny, dramtic, touching, intriguing, and addictive, Terriers will go down in TV history as one of the very best shows to be cut down in its prime. Assuming it makes it to DVD, I suspect this is a show that people will discover all too late. Here's hoping Donal Logue finds another project that showcases his true acting chops the way this one did.

3) CW Thursdays (The Vampire Diaries and Nikita)
Who'd have ever guessed that the CW, the little network that usually can't, would be the place for must-see TV on Thursdays (one of the biggest nights for programming)? These two series could easily have garnered individual spots on this list, but there's just something about having them back to back that makes the experience of each even richer. TVD hasn't experienced a sophomore slump at all (amazingly, given how fast they burn through story), and Nikita has been the surprise winner of the fall pilot season. Indeed, I think it's about the only network show I kept this year (what with Lone Star getting canceled and all). Hats off to the CW, where little shows with little followings can actually succeed.

4) Justified
Man alive, I'm so excited for this one to come back (February 9th)! Season 1 seems like ages ago. This show isn't quite like anything else on the air right now and somehow managed to make the western cool. It's a great serial with a stellar cast that has a very different flavor that most other programming. It's a breath of fresh Kentucky air (yeah, yeah, I know it isn't actually filmed there) that helps add something different to my slate of shows. From what I'm hearing, season 2 looks to be just as engaging and awesome as the first, so if you haven't checked this show out yet, you have about six weeks to get crackin'.

5) Community
I wanted to make sure to include at least one comedy on this list, and while Modern Family is incredibly well done, its second season hasn't been as hilarious as its first, whereas Community has reached new levels of awesome in its sophomore year. Henceforth, Community makes the cut. It really is the best comedy on air right now and is deserving of much better ratings than it gets. Seriously, people, it blows The Big Bang Theory out of the water and is a much better (and funnier) way to spend an evening.

6) Boardwalk Empire
A lot of people were ultimately underwhelmed by the narrative (even if they were blown away by the visuals), but I really got sucked into this one. I'm a little surprised at how much I enjoyed this one given my general lack of caring about gangsters. It's pacing was slower than most people would have preferred, but I found the slow burn captivating. There were elements that were underwhelming, I grant that, but overall, it's one of the most accomplished and expertly executed shows out there. Also, the fact that it airs on HBO and isn't in any danger of cancellation certainly helps get me invested in a show. I'm more willing to give a show time if I know it'll actually be around next week.

7) Nurse Jackie
Yet another show that feels like it's been gone for ages, Nurse Jackie has been on my favorites list since I saw the first 10 minutes of the pilot. Showtime has built an empire around quirky leading ladies, but Edie Falco tops them all. Sharp, funny, dark as hell, and incredibly dramatic, somehow Nurse Jackie manages to weave everything together in a seamless way, and in only 26 minutes. Here's hoping season 3 keeps the excellence ball rolling. What can I say? I've missed Jackie's style of justice lately and I can't wait to see how her intervention from the finale is going to play out in the coming season. Life really is full of little pricks, and Jackie is just the person to deal with them.

8) Doctor Who
I love British television. It was hard to pin down which of their stellar shows to include on this list, but my first venture into the wonderful world of Doctor Who takes the cake. Being Human got a little soapy and uneven in its second season, otherwise it also would have made the cut. I had only had a smattering of experience with the Doctor Who franchise until now, but I truly got sucked into this one. Matt Smith is charming and delightful as the Doctor and his chemistry with his companion Amy Pond was cheeky and exciting from beginning to end. Every episode had something special to offer, even in their less successful outings (which were still better than a lot of shows' best episodes). Adding international fare to your line-up is a great way to add something new and fresh and Doctor Who succeeds in spades. It's a hell of a lot of fun, but has some serious drama to boot. Cheers!

9) Castle
I really enjoy this show, but I had to really think about putting it on this list or not. It's a fun slice of escapism, but at its core, it's a procedural... and we all know how I feel about procedurals. Granted, this one is a lot better than most, but it still doesn't have the appeal of a good serial for me. I ultimately put it on this list because I genuinely look forward to it each week, even if it has a fair bit of fluff. The show doesn't take itself too seriously and knows how to have fun, which, after looking at some of the heavier options on this list, I really need from time to time. Plus, anything with Nathan Fillion has to get a mention somewhere (well, maybe not Drive, but who's splitting hairs?).

10) USA Network Programming
(Well, most of it anyway. Specifically: Burn Notice, In Plain Sight, White Collar, and Covert Affairs)
It's at this point that you should be crying foul because I clearly have more than 10 on my top 10, but I don't care. USA has a formula for success, and all of these shows follow that format to a certain degree, ergo, they get the same spot on this list. Burn Notice is clearly USA's most accomplished and aberrant program, deviating from the lighter than air elements of its cohorts with some serious drama. The season finale was off the hook fabulous and if I had to choose one show to put on this list, Burn Notice would easily take the cake. I really do enjoy the other shows listed as well, however, and wanted to give them some props. As a network, USA has created a brand that appeals to the masses without being completely devoid of quality and they deserve some recognition for that.

*Honorable Mentions*

Modern Family
"Don't bite my head off, Mitchell. I'm not a pack of batteries!"

Lone Star
I hardly knew ye... It's hard to know where this show would have ended up if I had seen more than two episodes, but after only those two, I was invested hook, line, and sinker. Here's hoping we get to see the rest of the taped episodes someday...

Southland
I'm actually pretty excited for this one to come back. Who'd have guessed?

Glee
This show is hit or miss, but when it's hit, it's one of my favorites.

Dexter
Not their best season, but it's still a hell of a show.


MY REALITY/COMPETITION TOP 5
1) Top Chef
2) So You Think You Can Dance
3) Work of Art: The Search for the Next Great Artist
4) The Next Food Network Star
5) Top Chef: Masters

And no, Project Runway did NOT make the list. I don't like to reward bad behavior, and crowning what's-her-face (Gretchen) the winner of anything is simply inexcusable.


MY REALITY/OTHER TOP 5
1) I Shouldn't Be Alive
2) Hoarders
3) Mystery Diagnosis
4) Intervention
5) Locked Up Abroad


There are a lot of other categories out there that should probably be explored, but when I started compiling a list, it became pretty daunting. There is one more honor that has to be bestowed, however, and it's something that I like to think had a hand in garnering a top ten finish for the show...

MOST IMPROVED HAIR

Kate Beckett (Castle)
If I never see that mullet of hers again, I'll be a happy, happy viewer. Way to grow out the "business in the front", Kate. It was that or lose the "party in the back"... Either way, something had to be done.

Thoughts and Predictions on the Golden Globes Nominations

I've never put a whole hell of a lot of faith into awards shows, what with the nominations being total and utter bullshit so very often, but can't help but to weigh in on them regardless.

I couldn't care less about film (although I think we were all scratching our heads at The Tourist's nomination in the Comedy category... I assume they meant the "Unintentional Comedy" category), so it'll be largely ignored here, but then there the TV nominations.

Must... comment...

BEST DRAMA
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter
The Good Wife
Mad Men
The Walking Dead

Well, where to begin? I think the slate they've selected is quite strong, although I admittedly don't watch Mad Men (it's in my Netflix queue, has been for ages, with the disappointing distinction of being a "very long wait"). I still have several episodes of The Walking Dead saved on my DVR... I just can't seem to get into it. It's very well made, and once I delve into an episode, I find that it's quite entertaining, but I'm just not that excited about the show. I guess zombies just aren't my thing... Anyway, of the shows that were nominated, I'd give the win to The Good Wife, with Boardwalk Empire as a close second. Both are tremendous shows that are worthy of the honor, but I'm guessing Boardwalk Empire is going to take the cake. What's most important here, and is a secondary reason that I'm pulling for The Good Wife is that CBS doesn't have a whole lot of representation on the nominees list without it. The Good Wife's total ratings are quite good, but the show skews older and its key demo numbers are not as high as other CBS shows. This would make me worry a bit if it weren't for the critical love the show gets. Seriously, The Good Wife is responsible for 3 of CBS' 6 nominations, and is the only network program to be nominated in this category (which means that CBS has bragging rights over the other Big Four networks who apparently can't compete with cable). That it can hold its own against basic and pay cable is impressive and I don't think CBS would be dumb enough to give it the axe when it's their one critical trump card. On my nominations wish list, I'd have loved to have seen Terriers get a nod (not that it would have, but it was certainly good enough to make the cut), and in just an unlikely a turn, The Vampire Diaries. Speaking of vampire shows, and for as much as I enjoy True Blood, it is deservedly left off this list. It's more of a campy farce than anything else, and last season was by no means their best.


BEST COMEDY/MUSICAL
30 Rock
The Big Bang Theory
The Big C
Glee
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie

I'm probably going to get some flack for this, but the only nominee in this category that shouldn't really be there is The Big Bag Theory (which, to this day, I still type as The Big Bank Theory every goddamn time!). Even at its best, it was only ever okay. It has its moments, but overall, it's incredibly one-note and could do with about 30% less Sheldon. He's the only real shining star on the show, but he's best in small doses. He's basically the whole show these days and it's fairly untenable. I would have much preferred to see Community not only get nominated, but possibly win. I love Modern Family and Nurse Jackie, but they've already received accolades up the wazoo. Community is one of the funniest shows on air and got completely shut out. Such a shame. Of the nominees included, I'm pulling for Nurse Jackie. I think Glee is sure to take it though. I love Glee, but as the only musical on the list, it's kind of in a different class. In terms of straight up comedy, it wouldn't be my top choice. The good news is that The Office was omitted from the list. I broke up with that show quite a while back and with good reason.


BEST LEAD ACTOR--DRAMA
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House

A respectable list, but I would have liked to have seen Donal Logue nominated for Terriers and walk away the winner. House lost its magic a couple of seasons ago, but that's hardly Hugh's fault. Still, it's an aging series that has lost its luster and shouldn't be receiving accolades any longer. I'd love to see some new blood in the pack. I haven't seen Breaking Bad yet (it's on my list), but I hear it's excellent. Of those nominated, on shows that I watch, I'm going to have to go with Steve Buscemi on this one, and I think he'll end up taking it home. I wouldn't mind seeing Dexter win though. Michael C. Hall has always been the heart and soul of the show and he does an incredible job. In truth, I'd love to see Josh Charles win for The Good Wife.


BEST LEAD ACTRESS--DRAMA
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Piper Perabo, Covert Affairs
Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

Okay, seriously, I almost feel bad for Piper Perabo. After the nominees were announced, I think just about everyone took issue with her nomination and called it laughable. That can't be an easy position to be in and I don't envy her that. Seriously though, WTF? Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy Covert Affairs and all, but it's barely a drama and her performance on the show, while completely adequate, is by no means worthy of this nomination. Seriously, she gets a nod and Anna Torv and Nina Dobrev don't? I agreed that True Blood deserved to get shut out of the Drama category, but Anna Paquin works a lot harder than Piper Perabo, and I'm not even that fond of Anna. Hell, in terms of performance, I'd say Maggie Q blows Piper out of the water. I appreciate giving some love to USA network, but this was not the way to do it. How about Gabrielle Anwar instead. Wow. Just wow. Anyway, aside from her, it's a strong field. I'm definitely pulling for Julianna Margulies, but think Katey Sagal is going to take it home.


BEST LEAD ACTOR--COMEDY/MUSICAL
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matthew Morrison, Glee
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Okeedokee, there are some problems with this. Almost nothing but problems. Alec Baldwin is an expected entry, but I think he's been nominated enough, thanks. The Office is unwatchable these days, so it makes very little sense to give props to the acting. I never could get all that attached to Thomas Jane or his show, and am a little perplexed at his inclusion on the list. I guess Matthew Morrison fills the "or musical" niche because he really isn't all that funny (and gets more annoying with each passing episode, it seems). And Jim Parsons simply over does it. I would still include him on the list because frankly, he's the whole show, but I can only handle so much Sheldon at a time. The men from Community were all more deserving of nominations than most of the people on this list and while last season of HIMYM was less than stellar, the current season has been a delightful return to form that should have seen some love. I honestly don't care who wins this one.


BEST LEAD ACTRESS--COMEDY/MUSICAL
Toni Collette, United States of Tara
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
Lea Michele, Glee

These are all pretty solid nominations, but again, combining comedy and musical makes for strange bedfellows. Lea just seems like a fish out of water in this crowd. And once again, I'd have rather seen any of the funny ladies on Community make the list. I try to enjoy The United States of Tara, and Toni does a respectable job with a difficult part, but I just can't seem to care about that show. I'd love to see Edie take it, but Laura Linney is going to win. Which I'm okay with. The Big C isn't my favorite show or anything, but it's good, and she's wonderful in it.


Supporting Actor — TV Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-0
Chris Colfer, Glee
Chris Noth, The Good Wife
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
David Strathairn, Temple Grandin

If there's one thing the Golden Globes doesn't know how to do, it's the supporting categories... Seriously, what the hell is this list? It's basically just men who are sort of supporting players on anything that has ever aired on TV ever. It's a weird category, so it's hard to even articulate who should be nominated. Geez, I, uh, guess I'd like to see Chris Noth take it? Or Eric Stonestreet? Or Chris Colfer? Because yeah, those performances should be in the same category... It's nice to see Scott Caan get some recognition, because really, he's the only redeeming factor on that show, but he really doesn't deserve a nod here. Not when that means that so many more deserving actors get slighted. I would have loved to have seen some of the Boardwalk Empire crew on the list. Agent Van Alden deserved a nod. I can't think of the actor who played him, but he played him very very well. My dream winner would be Matt Czuchry for The Good Wife though. I just love him.


Supporting Actor — TV Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Hope Davis, The Special Relationship
Jane Lynch, Glee
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Julia Stiles, Dexter
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Again, how do you have a category that pits Kelly Macdonald against Sofia Vergara?! They're both excellent and deserving of attention, but in the same category? Ooo-kay... I, uh, guess I'd like to see Kelly take it? I'd honestly like to have seen The Good Wife and Community get some attention here, but it's just such a silly hodgepodge that it's hard to know what to say. Every single person on The Good Wife deserves recognition, so they could honestly fill the whole category (assuming I ever figure of what this category is actually for)...

Dexter Finale: I'm... Not Sure...

This post is obviously regarding the Dexter finale that aired on Sunday, so if you haven't watched, you've been warned. Thar be spoilers off the starboard bow! (Sorry, there was a lot of bloodshed and and more than a few nautical references last night... makin' me feel a bit pirate-y.)

As I'm sitting here trying to articulate my conflicted feelings about this season of Dexter, I went to label this post only to find that I have apparently never talked about Dexter on this blog. That seems unfathomable given my devotion to the series over the years, but maybe that speaks to the nature of the show itself. It's not easy to write about, even after the season is over. I'm feeling the sudden need to atone for the lack of attention, so fasten your seatbelts... this could be a doozie.

My relationship with the show has varied season to season. I loved the first season, loved the second season a little less (Lila won't be missed), could barely finish the finish the third season (if I never hear the name Miguel Prado again, it'll be too soon), came back for the fourth season a little shaken (given the spectacular failure of the previous year), and was met with the most astounding creeping, intense, jaw-dropping season of them all. John Lithgow's turn as The Trinity Killer was skin-crawlingly disturbing and marked a return to form that surpassed their form. Good god, then you throw in Rita's death at the end and you've got a season that's pretty impossible to top. Quick note about Rita before I move on. I was pretty sure she was going to be killed last season. At the end of season 3, during their wedding, blood from Dexter's arm dripped onto her bright white wedding dress. Beyond simply alluding to the blood spatter work he does, the darkness he brings to the people around him, and the fact that Dex's presence manages to mar even the purest of things, I instantly saw that as a foreshadowing moment for Rita. I was pretty sure she was going to die in the coming season and in a pretty brutal way. I'm not saying I saw her death play out the way it did, because even though I assumed she'd get killed at some point, it was still a shocking end, but I wasn't as blown away as many viewers who didn't see it coming at all. Quite frankly, I've hated Rita since the second season (of Angel), and was actually looking forward to her being written out of the show. It was still a jarring way to end things, but I can't say I miss her much. What's that you say? Killing Rita means we get rid of the kids as well?! Bonus!

So yeah, season 4 left things in a sobering, quagmire of a place. I could hear the Buffy soundtrack in my head after all was said and done with a somber, "Where do we go, from here...?" To boot, some of the creative team behind the show stepped down after that, so going into season 5 was a dubious prospect for me. I was concerned with how Dex would deal with Rita's death, what he'd do with the kids, how on earth the writers would top a baddie like Trinity, etc...

Although this most recent season wasn't my favorite of the series, it eventually turned into something pretty satisfying (albeit riddled with plotholes and fridge logic--more on that later). For me, Dexter has always been a show about connection. Dex is a sociopath, a "very neat monster," who has never understood human interaction, interpersonal relationships, love, affection, etc. Although Dex often voiceovers that he doesn't see the need for human connection, he has spent the past five seasons trying to tap into this phenomena that normal feel come to so easily. Season 1 was so successful because Dex's relationship with, as it turns out, his brother, started off like a secret admirer. I loved watching Dexter see himself in the Ice Truck Killer and sense a connection there. Where most people immediately sense connections with those around them, this sensation is entirely new for him. This need for human contact which has so long been such a mystery for Dex starts to make sense. I loved watching the, well... I'm going to say courtship of Dexter and the Ice Truck Killer. I know they turn out to be brothers, but from where I was sitting, their interactions were romantic in nature. It was like they were anonymous chatroom identities that fell in love. I think my favorite of their interactions, and the one that lent itself the most to my theory that they were meant to be lovers, were with the personal ads, calling each other Ken and Barbie. Finding out they were brothers threw a wrench into that theory, but it engendered a whole host of other implications. It was incredibly satisfying and forced Dexter to confront his past and present in a very real, life and death way. He ultimately had to choose between the brother who sees him for what he is and loves him for it, or the sister who has no idea who he is, but loves him regardless. The blank way in which Dexter chooses Deb, stating that he's "very fond of her" in the most impassive of ways, speaks to Dexter's ostensible character, but also points to something deeper that he never really explored prior. He loves his sister. It seems like such a simple statement, but for someone like Dexter, it takes a murderer strapping her to a table to make him see it. Season 1 made Dex look at himself and his relationships like he never had before and also look at what he could have turned into without Harry's guidance. How do you judge someone like Rudy? Is he really all that different than Dexter? Ultimately, no. And yes.

Seasons 2 was a less successful attempt at giving Dexter a real sense of connection. I loved the fact that Doakes saw Dexter for what he really was and hunted him, but Lila's involvement made for a rather detestable addition to the cast. Even for as insane as Lila was, her interactions with Dexter never felt as genuine as I would have hoped. His connection to her just seemed so implausible at times. I can see where the writers were trying to show us that for Dexter to be himself, he has to be with someone who's pretty awful, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. Lila did manage to make me love Deb a little more (there wasn't much to speak of after season 1), however, and seeing a character I hated that much get Dextered at the end was incredibly gratifying. Season 2 had its problems, but on the whole, it was still a solid outing.

Season 3 was not. I hated season 3. Beyond Rita becoming even more of a nag (and that's saying something), and the kids becoming even more irritating (a high bar in its own right), Dexter's bid for humanity took the form of Miguel Prado. Ugh. I didn't have any positive or negative feelings about Jimmie Smits prior to that season, but afterward? Well, I don't think I need to see him in anything ever again. I never really bought the idea that Miguel would really team up with Dexter. Had I liked the character more, I might have tried a little harder to embrace their relationship, but he was just a drain on every scene he was in the entire season. Add to that the fairly lame big bad of the season (the Skinner? really?) and a wedding to the she-devil incarnate in the finale and I was ready to throw in the towel. There are still episodes of that season that I never saw. Dull and annoying are not words I generally bandy about with regards to shows I watch, so it was a tough choice to come back the following season. I figured the show had run its course and had lost its magic. Boy, was I wrong.

Season 4 was amazing. Dexter's bid for human connection took an unnerving turn with his marriage to Rita (good god, Dex, you're sure you don't want to off her yourself?), but it was with Dex's realization that there are other serial killers out there with families that made the season such a success. Trinity was creeptastic on a whole other level than anything I had seen on the show (or any show, really) before. Hats off to John Lithgow. Even better, unlike previous seasons, season 4 seemed to have fewer loose ends and plotholes. Maybe it was just that I was enjoying myself so much that I didn't notice, but it all seemed much more cohesive and well-plotted than years past. If nothing else, it brought to light the fact that those god-awful, tacky as hell family member decals in car windows are not only an eyesore, but potentially deadly. (For anyone of you who have those, I'm sorry if I offend, but man alive I hate them... and they might just get you killed, so I'm, uh, not insulting you, I'm, umm... looking out for your welfare... yeah, that's it.) How do you follow up a season like that? How could you possibly outdo yourself? Turns out, ya can't.

Geez, this thing is already an epic and I haven't even talked about season 5 yet. Phew. Anyway... I'm pretty conflicted about season 5. It started off pretty strong, then sagged in the middle, but ultimately came to a fairly fulfilling end. It's hard to know where to start... Oh, wait, I know.

Lumen
When Dex was first discovered by one of his victim's victims, I was shocked. I knew Julia Stiles was joining the cast, but didn't see it playing out like this. In terms of finding a character who could truly relate to Dexter's "dark passenger" and who would not only sympathize with his killing, but actively join in, I think the writers came up with the perfect figure. I'm not saying her characterization was always consistent or even, but in terms of her dynamic with Dexter alone, I believed this one way more than Lila or Miguel. I think most people could easily believe that a woman would had been through that kind of torture would not only overlook her rescuer's tendency to murder people, but in looking at the kinds of people he dispatches, she would look at him as a hero. Geez, someone saves me from something like that? I don't care who you are or what you do, you get a gold star in my book. I can't say I'd have had their relationship unfold in exactly the same way that the writers did, but it ultimately worked for me. It was genuinely intriguing to see what it would be like for Dexter to have no secrets from someone--to see who he is when he's in a room with more than just his latest victim. Heretofore, the only people who really saw Dexter for what he was were killed minutes later. Over the previous season he tried to show his true colors to the likes of Rudy and Lyla and Miguel, but even then, he was hiding. With Lumen? All the cards seemed to be on the table (so to speak) and there was something kind of liberating about that. With this one person, he didn't have to play all the angles and hide who he really is. For the first time, he had a true partner, a friend, an even a lover. There was a twisted sort of intimacy between the two that really blossomed toward the end. She knows all his secrets, and just as importantly, he knows all hers. I can't imagine coming back from what Lumen went through at the hands of those sick, twisted bastards, so I don't envy the writers' task at making her whole again. Stripped down to the most basic of forms, Lumen's psyche had to be rebuilt from the ground up. Dexter saved her. He didn't save Rita, but he rebuilt Lumen. That was the trade. Although the narrative may have suffered a bit as a result, the writers did a nice job building her up in such a way that audiences could absolutely believe that she would be Dexter's partner in crime. I can see where it needed to be a slow build, but I can't say I was exactly chomping at the bit week to week. I find that I'm appreciating the season a lot more in retrospect. At the time, I was a bit underwhelmed and a bit bored by the process, but now, as a whole, it's actually kinda beautiful. Through Dexter, in order to become whole again, Lumen had to relearn how to trust someone, how to trust a man, how to take control, how to relinquish control, and how to put her darkness behind her.. It was an elegant progression watching this character who had been raped and tortured and almost killed by a group of sociopaths find her way back from the brink through the help of another sociopath. That she was able to trust anyone again was one step, that she was able to take control of her life was another. I think the most pivotal step, and the one I was the least sure of, was allowing sex to be a positive experience in her life again. After going through what she went through, it's pretty powerful that she was able to be vulnerable in a sexual way ever again. It made perfect (and even predictable) sense that she would cross that bridge after her first kill. She regained some control over the universe and experienced ultimate trust in Dexter. It only makes sense that after such a step, she'd be ready to take another. I was still a little unsure if she was ready for it as the scene played out, but it was surprisingly tender. They're both completely vulnerable and both in complete control, at the same time, and that's what makes them truly connected... which makes it all the more confounding that she leaves him in the end...

Okay, this is the main point I've been grappling with. One the one hand, I can't believe she left him, but on the other hand, and for a number of reasons, I guess I can. From a logistical standpoint, having her around next season just wouldn't work that well. If she had been a bit more fully-formed and compelling, maybe, but Julia's turn as Lumen missed a few notes for me. Her journey was compelling, her persona... not so much... From a narrative standpoint, I can see where staying with Dexter would be a constant reminder of what happened to her. I really think there was a reasonable measure of hero worship going on that was perceived as love. Transference, is it? Whatever, I think a lot of their mutual perceived attraction was based on similar, and harrowing, experiences. When you've been through something like that together, it's impossible not to feel connected. Once Lumen's demons had been excised, and her thirst for vengeance had been sated, I suppose it makes sense that she'd need to get out of there. At her core, she's not a killer. He is. That wouldn't be easy to live with for either of them. On the other, rather large hand, how the hell could she leave him?! After all this?! It just seemed like an anticlimactic sucker-punch. Dex's plate throwing helped add some heft to her decision to up and leave, but ultimately, it was simply confounding and disappointing. They've been through so much together and share so many secrets that it seems unfathomable for their partnership to end like this. Should she have left? Possibly, but not like this. I think the idea of them playing house together like everything is fine and dandy is an unreasonable fairy tale of an ending, so I don't quibble so much with them not working out, but I would have liked a more pointed, poignant end to such a journey. After such a nail-biter of a finale, it just felt like she packed a bag and said, "So... later." I can hear the needle scratching off the record in my head. He made her whole again and is willing to carry enough darkness for the both of them. That's too lovely a sentiment to have been met with such a pedestrian parting of ways. Dexter's reaction to the news was the real powerful note. Just heartbreaking. Such a break-up deserved something grander... more elegant. Sigh... I would have preferred the writers had found another way. Something subtle, but powerful. I don't know what that would be, and apparently neither did they.

The Big Bad, er, Bads
How do you top Trinity? You don't. How do you come pretty close? Have five sick bastards for the price of one. Like I mentioned prior, the middle of this season kind of sagged. I wasn't sure where the barrel girls storyline was headed and for several episodes, I wasn't sure I really cared if it went anywhere at all, assuming we'd end up in Criminal Minds territory (not that that's a horrible place to be, but it has been correctly indicted as 'torture porn' by more than a few critics). To a certain extent, that is where we ended up, but in a much more heartrending way than I expected. Unlike on Criminal Minds, we actually know one of the victims here. There was definitely an element of one-upmanship going on in terms of what kinds of horrible things could we possibly do that haven't already been done?, but it all carried much more weight here because of Lumen. We needed to see the horrors in order to understand the journey she was on. We had to see the horrors of humanity so that we'd have a new prism through which to view Dexter. At what point are people so reprehensible that Deb is willing to let a couple of vigilantes get away with their murders? Well, I think the writers hit the nail on the head with these guys. Johnny Lee Miller did a lovely (and by "lovely" I mean "disturbing as hell") job as Jordan Chase, the sickest one of them all, even though he "just likes to watch." Gilroy was truly menacing as his head of security, and Boyd's job as a roadkill removal guy took on untold and unexpected creepy dimensions. I can't say that this storyline was as cohesive as Trinity's, but it was at least as unsettling, if not more. Jordan Chase managed to make the self-help nut job an even more disturbing occupation than usual... impressive.

Deb and the TRUTH
Who all's sick to death of Deb getting this close to finding out the truth only to not find out anything at all? Ooh, ooh, I am! This is yet another point on which I'm pretty conflicted. I loved that Deb let the mysterious vigilantes go, but I think it would have carried a lot more punch if she's found out it was Dexter and Lumen and then let them go. I can see why the writers didn't do that though, and if my patience weren't wearing thin, I think I would have found it to be a more moving, powerful road to take. Deb's moral compass has always been pretty rigidly fixed. She has a code, too. And because of this innate sense of right, Dex has always believed that if she knew who he really was, she'd be horrified. Back when the Bay Harbor Butcher was at the center of debate, more than a few people said that they'd like to shake the man's hand, including Deb, but Dexter knew better... or so he thought. Dexter thought Deb would recoil in disgust, arrest him, and never look at him as a brother ever again. After this season's finale, I'm not so sure that's the case, and neither is Dex. Deb has been through some serious shit in her day and to a degree, she knows what the barrel girls went through. After watching all that footage and imagining the horror they endured, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find many people who wouldn't have at least considered letting the vigilantes who offed those sick sons of bitches go. I certainly would have. While I would have liked to have seen Deb find out that it was Dexter all along (it would have made for one hell of a game-changer for next season), I think keeping his identity a secret was a valid choice. Deb's decision to let the vigilantes go marks a watershed moment in her and Dexter's relationship, whether she knows it or not--and I like to think she does on some level. She tells Dex that he must be relieved now that it's all over... what did she mean? It was an intentionally vague comment that I'm hoping points to Deb's suspicions about her brother. I like to think that on some level, deep down, she thinks those silhouetted figures behind the plastic might have been Dex and Lumen. Whether that's actually the case, I'm doubtful, but I think it's high time Deb start to realize what's been right in front of her face all along. In letting the vigilantes go, she shows Dexter that she might not see him as a monster, even if she knew the whole truth. This is a possibility that he's never truly entertained and I think next season will be spent exploring the nature of justice and of right and wrong. "It's complicated..." Very complicated.

Plothole-a-palooza
One of the reasons I hoped Deb would discover the truth about Dexter (or at least develop some serious suspicions) is that it would help to fill some of the plotholes and loose ends that riddled this season. You see, if Deb knows the truth, maybe she came up with some story to cover why the car that Dex stole from Liddy's crime scene ended up at the new crime scene... magically... at the same time that Dexter never showed up back at the lab to do the blood work he was so eager to get to. Ooh, and maybe she casually got those pictures of Deb and Lumen dumping a body out of Quinn's apartment and then convinced him not to say anything because he loves her, or whatever... Maybe this is all one huge incredibly convenient conspiracy! How else would Dex falsifying blood evidence clear Quinn of all suspicion when there are absolutely no other suspects at this point? Oh, except for whoever Liddy was surveilling, of course, but that's beside the point (you know, because the Pacific Ocean is made of acid and all evidence thrown in immediately melts). Dex does have superpowers though, so maybe that's it. I'm sorry, how exactly did he get a giant knife out of his kit between the time the car crashed and the 8 seconds later when Jordan found him, hide it somewhere on his person without Jordan noticing it, then get it out of this magical knife compartment and cut his ligatures? Don't get me wrong, seeing him pin Jordan's foot to the floor was exciting and all, but I was so confounded with a little thing called reality that it took away a bit of the impact. What would have been better, and what I thought was going to happen, was that Dex had picked up Lumen's pocketknife, stowed it in his back-pocket (you know, because it actually folds in such a way that you can hide it on your person), and cut the ropes with that. It would have been just as meaningful (if not more), and a hell of a lot more logical. Sigh...

That list of logistics is really only the tip of the iceberg, but I'm moving past it. In spite of the problems and more ridiculous plot devices, I still enjoyed this season because really, the police work and whatnot aren't really what the show is about. It's still annoying and distracting when glaring problems arise in the plot, but this show, and particularly this season, was about Dexter's connection to the world around him. I'm hoping next season see Deb uncovering the truth early on (assuming she doesn't already know) and then exploring how her moral code is upset by the reality of the situation. I'm very eager to see how Deb handles the truth about her brother, especially in light of how she handled the vigilantes this year. It'll be an interesting dynamic and it's one of the primary reasons I'll be back again next season. From what I hear from the creative team, this is the last time they'll dangle the possibility of Deb finding out. It's inevitable. And about damn time. They've laid the groundwork that Deb finally understands the gray areas of morality and that's she's now in a position to possibly handle the truth. To the writers' credit, had they not laid this foundation and Deb had let Dexter go, there might have been cries of her actions being out of character. I think it would have made good sense, but I could go either way. Had she known it was Dexter and let him go, the audience wouldn't have known if she let him go because he's her brother or if it was because she accepted what the vigilantes had done. I can appreciate the decision to make it more insular and unequivocal than that.

Until next season, Dexter. Adieu.