I hate that show! And yet...

...I keep watching. Sometimes you just can't help yourself.

Hello my darling blog-readers (both of you). I kind of fell of the radar for a while there, but it has nothing to do with TV. If anything, TV is one of the few things keeping me from hurling myself in front of a bus. For various, mostly health-related reasons, my life has fallen apart around me, now largely comprised of teeny, tiny shards of bitterness and ugly crying. I finally gave up on ever feeling better ever again about a month ago and kinda, sorta stopped caring about most aspects of my life. Including blogging. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even TV lost some of its luster and my enthusiasm for ranting and raving about it on this blog fell by the wayside. Seriously, you know those commercials for anti-depressants that have people sitting by windows wearing cable-knit sweaters and staring off into space? And then a sad, but eager dog walks into the room with a ball or a leash or something and the person feels even worse? That's pretty much where I've been lately. I always thought those ads were just cheesy, but after the year I've had, I've honestly starting thinking that maybe, just maybe, depression hurts, but Cymbalta can help. Well played, manipulative advertisers!

Anyway, that's all really just a preamble to the actual blogpost about shows I hate, but still watch. Unless of course, you majored in English and assume that I'm viewing my own experiences through the lens of television, translating the pathetic heap that is my life into a theoretical construct whereby I'm the star of my own show and it's a show I hate. 'Cause, you know, that's just how we roll. My inability to stop watching or help myself is manifested in the kind of show that you wish you could break up with, but simply can't. Much like these!:

PARENTHOOD
My brother and I both end up watching this show, but note frequently how much we hate it. My willingness to watch a show that annoys the ever-loving shit out of me somewhat spurs from the fact that the show is in an uncrowded timeslot (now that The Good Wife has moved to Sundays), but more than anything, this show is, far and away, the show I most love talking about just how much I hate it. There are just so many layers and facets to my hatred for the show! How could I give that up? The girls at work and I rehash the shows many non-sensical fights, juvenile decision-making skills, and impatient story-telling with a fair bit of fervor the following day and while the show drives me up the effing wall, the discussions make it all worth it. Why do I hate this show that show many critics and fans adore? The short version is that 1) the adults on this show act like petulant junior high school students, 2) the show has a sprawling cast of annoying characters, only a few of which do I care about, and most important of all, 3) the writers refuse to take their time. I could forgive a lot of the ridiculous fighting between family members (although holy shit, if my family fought this often, I'd have killed myself years ago) if the reasons for the fights were established in a more logical, deliberate fashion. Most recently, the show introduced Rachel, the young sexy secretary at the Luncheonette, much to the chagrin of new-mom Christina. Okay, fine. Sure it's a story that's as old as time, but I tried to be open-minded. Turns out, I should have been more cautious. The writers could have established Rachel over time as a real person that the audience actually cares about, but instead they tossed her into the mix as a cardboard cut-out sexpot with no personality or individuality. What's worse, they went for the inappropriate kiss with Adam like, the next week. Even worse than that, the writers immediately turned Christina's and Adam's marriage nuclear as a result. UGH. More than anything, I hate Parenthood because it could be so, so good, and it just isn't. The writers refuse to let the tension build, they seem pathologically unable to set up conflicts that make a whole lot of sense, and they go straight for the explosion without even lighting the fuse. If this were a comedy, they'd be hitting the punchline without telling the joke. When you deliver the punchline early, it's not funny. When you jump to the knock-down, drag-out argument without establishing the reasons, it loses most of its impact. This is basically the boy who cried wolf, only with childish, petty adults bitching at one another over nothing. After a while, you just stop listening. Had the writers taken their time with the Rachel storyline, played is slowly and subtly, allowing viewers to become invested in her as a character and allowing Christina's suspicions and insecurities build, the fight between her and Adam could have been devastating and gripping. As is, it's just another Tuesday at the Braverman house where Christina is the stereotypical nag and her husband is the hapless saint. Man alive, you'd think that people who fight this often would be better at it, but most of Christina's arguments fell flat or had no foundation and that just makes her unlikable and unsympathetic. When I take a step back and build up the necessary foundation in my head for Christina's instability and nervous breakdown, it honestly does make sense to me. But as it's presented, it just feels like the writers were too afraid to really examine what's going on with her and just went for the fireworks instead. For me, watching someone's gradual breakdown is far more gripping than a bickering match, but maybe that's just me. Shows like Breaking Bad and The Good Wife take their time. They slow-play the tension for as long as they can, tightening the noose, turning the knife, till the conflict boils over. When that's where an argument comes from, it's mesmerizing. With Parenthood? It's pat. I would love for the writers to take a chance on subtlety and let the storylines really simmer for a while. Were I writing the Rachel arc, I would have established her as a person the audience actually cares about while at the same time illuminating Adam's frustrations with his marriage and Christina's insecurities. When the time came for the kiss (assuming I'm following the basic structure they already took), I would have had the circumstances be more ambiguous. As is, this poor girl got drunk, pretty much accidentally kissed her boss and felt completely foolish over the whole thing. I'm sorry, that's just not grounds for World War III even if Adam did lie to her about firing Rachel. If I were writing this, I would have had the kiss be more of a kiss, made Adam's response to it more conflicted and uncertain, then had him downplay it's importance to Christina (assuming we live in a world where he ever would have told her in the first place). That way, when he and Christina fight, she's had time to get more and more justifiably concerned about the situation, he's had time to get conflicted about his own feelings, and Rachel is someone whose fate I'm actually invested in. When you go straight for the big finish, I don't sympathize with Christina, Adam just seems like a dolt, and I can barely remember Rachel's name. The show really could be awesome, much like the executive producer's previous project Friday Night Lights, but instead, it seems like an abridged Lifetime movie or a never-ending serious of "previously on" clips. It has its moments, it really does (Julia has been about 800% more likable this year), it just doesn't use those to make the series as good as it could be. Great bones to work with, frustrating-as-hell execution. Particularly in the hair and make-up this year.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
I've actually hated this show for a couple of years now, but god help me, I just keep watching. This one mostly boils down to time commitment. It's literally 21 minutes out of my week, so even though most episodes are pretty disappointing, and even though this season has flown even more off the rails than ever, it's just so damn easy to keep going. I think the recent revelation that Robin is pregnant was the final straw for me though. UGH. Are you kidding me?! So awful, so stupid, so... everything. I could go on and on about this, but I'll try to keep it short. I used to adore Robin as a character. I watched an episode from back in the day last night and it was like a sobering punch in the face, highlighting in excruciating detail what the writers have done to a character I once adored. I loved having a female character on TV who wasn't a simpering idiot, a dependent damsel, or a stereotypical lonely single woman who just wants to get married and have babies. She was smart, funny, easy-going, and wanted to live her life on her own terms. Now? Jesus, the hollow husk that is Robin is basically unrecognizable, and that's not just because of her hideous hair and clothes this season. What the hell happened to her? She somehow became this high-strung, irritating, shrill caricature who has ended up pregnant and doesn't seem to know what to do. Luckily, she became the polar opposite of who her character used to be at exactly the same time Barney became the antithesis of who he used to be! What a crazy, random happenstance! Look, I'm not saying that people can't change over time, but Robin's erratic meltdown over being pregnant and Barney's newfound love of relationships and babies is just ridiculous. If Robin really is who she used to be, a smart, savvy, independent woman who doesn't want children, she'd have an abortion and be done with it. I know, I know, this is a comedy where things like actual reality apparently never happen, but if that's the case, then maybe you shouldn't have such a character get pregnant. The Robin I once knew wouldn't fall apart like this, she'd take charge, terminate the pregnancy she never wanted and wouldn't have the children she can't stand. Barney would have been completely on board with this plan. The new and not improved versions of these characters will, I'm sure, go through with the pregnancy and never even mention abortion as an option. It's infuriating. God, it's like in Knocked Up where she ends up pregnant after a one-night stand, doesn't want the child, knows it will derail her life, and yet, what can ya do? It's not like there's a way to end a pregnancy or anything. Dear How I Met Your Mother, what the hell happened? When did you forget who these characters are and how to write for them? When did you decide that you didn't care enough about your female characters to give them anything beyond the stereotype (Lily has turned into quite a peach as well)? I've wanted to break up with this show for years now, what with the identity of the mother seemingly 34 seasons away, but there's always just enough to keep me tethered. I stopped caring about Ted ages ago (who?), and the rest of the cast have turned into irritating caricatures of themselves, but in spite of all that, there's always just enough to enjoy. It still has its moments, I grant that. But the crazy train of pregnant Robin might be more than I can stomach. So disappointing. So stupid. I'd say so jump-the-sharky, but we passed that milestone ages ago.

HART OF DIXIE
Oh dear god, this show is terrible. And my excuse for continuing to watch could not be flimsier. Quite simply put, it's in the dreariest timeslot on the least-crowded night of the week. Literally, it has no competition at all. That is the only reason I watch it. I don't even have a season pass. I just take a look at what's on, find out that there's nothing, and begrudgingly watch this show. The second anything else appears, this one's a goner. I never had anything even resembling high hopes for this one, but with the creative team in mind, I was hopeful that maybe I was wrong. I most certainly was not. It's just so, so bad. The set-up is completely lame, Rachel Bilson, god bless her, is a truly terribly actor, and there's absolutely no narrative drive to speak of. It's basically just a random small town with some stereotypes living there where some meaningless events happen and no one cares. None of the characters are interesting or endearing (particularly Zoe) and the writers just can't seem to get a bead on how to make this show work. The whole fish-out-of-water thing was old before the show even started, but they just keep at it. Dear show, that horse is dead. Worst of all, they use the sets from Gilmore Girls and True Blood. On the one hand, one of the only good things about this show is that you get to remember episodes of far better shows when they walk by Lane's house or have a beer at Merlotte's, but on the other, much bigger hand, it reminds you of shows you'd rather be watching. Sigh. It's hardly worth even mentioning. This show is so insignificant and the writing is so poor that it's truly embarrassing to admit to watching it. The real takeaway lesson learned with this one is that Rachel Bilson is Summer Roberts. That wasn't acting at all. And the day I believe Summer Roberts is a cardiovascular surgeon is the day I officially hand in my professional television watcher membership. If nothing else, I'll know better than to give a show with her as the star a chance. She could maybe work with a true ensemble, but this show has a weak anchor and hardly any supporting players worth mentioning. This one is truly terrible and shows no signs of improving. It may go on for 10 years (you have fun with this pile of shit, CW), but that doesn't make it good.

Awesome Sauce

October is usually a pretty slow month for me in terms of this blog. After the deluge of shows in September, things cool down considerably in October, right along with the weather. Oh, and there's the small matter of me being worn out and weary from September. The fact that no one actually reads this blog is also a minor factor.

It seems my laziness comes with consequences. Having given Revenge only a good-ish review of the pilot, that's the impression that seems to have stuck with the few out there who read this. Being so very "meh" about life in general led me to neglect my television watching duties and I never got around to mentioning that that show is actually pretty damn delectable. As such, I feel it's necessary to recount the awesomeness of some of my shows, starting with, of course...

REVENGE
My friend at work seemed to take away a rather more negative critique of the pilot than I had intended in my review, but that might just be revisionist history. The pilot wasn't perfect or anything, and it's a night-time soap after all, but I enjoyed it. Based on my new love of the show,
I could very well be misremembering my initial impressions. Whatever the case, this show has gotten good. The first few episodes had a "revenge caper of the week" aspect that gave me pause. Sure it's fun and all to watch Emily eviscerate her foes in creative ways, but I couldn't help but think, "Geez, at a person a week, she better have about 87 people she needs revenge on or this show won't even make it a season..." I had high hopes that the more week-to-week elements would come together at some point, but feared that the writers might be taking the "procedural" to new levels. Much to my delight, not only did everything start to come together last week, but it came together in a nail-biting, awesomely soapy, devious, twisty way. I was initially a little worried about Emily Van Camp's ability to carry a show like this and a character like hers, but she's absolutely wonderful in the role. The whole show is insane, so her cool, calm iciness is a wonderful grounding element and also a lovely foil for the hot-blooded nutjobs all around her. She's been playing the long con for a long time and now it's all coming together... with disastrous results. In last week's episode, elements from all the revenges she'd had so far came together to bite her in the ass and nearly expose the whole gambit. It's a deliciously tense soap opera that I have been sucked into hook, line, and sinker. Because it's a soap, it's wonderfully over the top and outrageous. Will it be winning a ton of Emmys? Probably not (even though many of the actors do a really lovely job). But that doesn't mean it isn't a hell of a lot of fun. The writers have a plan and as a viewer, I can tell. They clearly figured things out before they started filming, unlike so many other shows that just simply spiral out of control. This show is focused and has a season endpoint in mind (as evidenced by the opening sequences of the pilot). Jessica and I just went back and rewatched the the first part of the pilot and it's a hell of a lot more intriguing now that we know who everyone is. If you're watching the show, go online and rewatch the first 10 minutes or so. And if you're not watching, get caught up. It's malevolent fun. In all honesty, it's the only new pilot that I'm this invested in. I'm enjoying Pan Am well enough, Ringer seems to be getting better, Prime Suspect is pretty good... but really, Revenge is the winner so far of the new fall slate. I've only seem one episode of Once Upon a Time though, so stay tuned. Parting thoughts for those of you who watch the show? I can't remember his name on the show, but that friend of Daniel's? Yeah, methinks he's secretly in love with Daniel and that he's not actually wealthy at all. Con artist all the way. I think a con artist knows a con artist when he/she sees one and that's why he and Emily are about to explode. That and, of course, the fact that Emily is dating the man that he loves. Muahahahaha! So good. So soapy. Yes, please.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but this show is so freaking fantastic I can barely stand it. For anyone out there still holding onto the always erroneous assumption that this is a Twilight rip off, allow me to once again disabuse you of that notion. TVD is not a cheesy, tacky, predicable tween romance of a show. It's just a kick-ass supernatural show, plain and simple. Okay, so it's not plain and simple at all, really. This show covers an insane amount of ground at a breakneck pace, but somehow, they totally pull it off. It never feels forced or lame. It just feels awesome. And thrilling. And surprising around every corner. And it just keeps getting better. Seriously, the first two seasons were fantastic. The third season is even better. They have brought their A-game in a big way. Even if you think you might know what's about to happen, you don't. Just accept it. You'd think after 50 something episodes of twists and turns that they'd surely have run out of road by now, but no. Best of all, they tie all the storylines and characters and supernatural creatures together in such a way that no one gets left out in the cold and you pretty much have to be invested in everyone and everything because they all affect each other in equal measure. With True Blood, good lord, you could completely forget about half the characters on the show and it wouldn't make a bit of difference. With TVD, even if you think something might be inconsequential, it probably isn't. Last season got a little convoluted toward the end, but pulled itself together. So far in this season? The storytelling is tighter than ever and the Originals are even more awesome than I ever could have expected. Now they just need to pull that effing dagger out of Elijah's chest and thing will really reach a zenith. There have always been characters that I cared about less than the others, but holy hell, nowadays, even Matt is kind of interesting. Truly remarkable. Oh, and the new Elena? Much improved. Speaking of Elena, how insanely hot was that scene between her and Damon in the gym when he was showing her the way to stake a vampire? Holy shit! Those two have some insane chemistry, I tell you what. (It seems the practice they get off screen is doing nothing but good...)

THE GOOD WIFE
You know that dead horse that I was beating with TVD? Well, here's that horse's sister. Also heading into it's third season, The Good Wife is just as delectable as ever. After as insane and explosive as last season was, I'm not sure I can say it's better now than then, but it's at least on par, which is pretty damn fantastic. TGW knows how to write characters and knows how to reinvent people and storylines in a way that always keeps you on your toes. Kind of like TVD, you may think you know where something is headed, but you don't. Even the most seemingly innocuous B-plot totally matters. In this last episode, brilliantly titled "Marthas and Caitlins", Alicia is giving the ostensibly random task of selecting a new employee. She opts for the Martha (and I think we all have an idea in our heads what a "Martha" is like) over Caitlin (again, it's impossible not to have a preconceived notion here), but later finds out that Caitlin is David Lee's niece, who is given the job for that very reason. It might seem like the show is simply highlighting nepotism in the workplace, but they always pull storylines together that affect the characters on a deeper level. As it turns out, this isn't simply a throwaway arc or random instance, Alicia was the "Caitlin" when Will got her the job. Will had to hire Caitlin because David Lee helped him get Alicia over the more qualified "Martha". OUCH. The payoff was brilliant. What's more, I'm hearing rumor that Martha will be back at some point in a big way. Prediction? She and Alicia will be squaring off in the courtroom and Martha will be out for blood. So awesome. Also this last week, we got to see more of the unbelievably satisfying and delightful interactions between Eli and Kalinda (that these two never paired up before is a travesty) and we also got to see Alicia and Cuddy bond (sort of). Drunk Alicia is one of my favorite Alicia's, and even though I'm sure Cuddy has some evil up her sleeve (or was she wearing it on her sleeve?), it's always incredibly refreshing to see people in fiction interacting in a way that isn't juvenile or annoying. Cuddy and Alicia are at odds, but they're adults, and they act like it. Well, most of the time. I know TGW has a reputation out there for being a show for old women (Dear Happy Endings, not only does this show appeal to more than just old women, but it's funnier than your show, even though it's a drama, so maybe you should back off), I've turned a number of people onto this show from a wide range of demographics and they all love it as much as I do. It is, quite simply, the best show on network TV.

Aside from those three, there are some returning favorites that bring me joy (Nikita still kicks ass and Castle always makes me smile), but those three are the real standouts right now. I'll keep you posted.

TV Review: Once Upon a Time

Going into any high-concept show, you have to measure your expectations. With your typical genre shows (i.e. crime procedurals, sitcoms, lawyer shows, cop shows, medical shows, etc), especially genre shows that air on network TV, you pretty much know exactly what you're going to get from the moment you hear the title of the show. There's only so many different directions The Rememberer can go (fortunately, one of those directions was to the "new title" department... not that Unforgettable is home run or anything). It's easy to strip down a genre show, systematically assess its long-term potential, size it up against its genre cohorts, and summarily dismiss the bad and adopt the good. For the most straight-forward genre pieces, all you really need is the pilot to tell you if it's worth keeping or not. For someone who watches as much TV as I do, it's a vanishingly small number. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all, and I've seen about 143,000...

With unique, high-concept shows, it's a different story. You never know exactly what you're going to get in the pilot, and even after the pilot, its hard to tell what you're in for in the long-run. While you can instantly break down a crime procedural into story arcs and seasons within about 10 minutes of the pilot, shows that fall outside the tightly defined circle are less predictable, and in my book at least, a welcomed change. A show like Pushing Daisies, Glee, Being Human, or Dollhouse will instantly win itself a lot of points in my book because I haven't seen it before. Unfortunately, that seems to be the same reason that shows like these oftentimes have a hard time finding a substantial audience. For whatever reason, a lot of people out there like to know what to expect. That's totally fine. If you don't want to come home at the end of a long day and have to really dive into a show and pay attention, I totally get it. I have a few of those on my slate as well. More than anything though, I tend to enjoy shows that surprise me and keep me on my toes. Even if its more a matter of structure than story, anything that's fresh and unique gets a lot of leeway from me. When you're making a show that no one's ever seen before, you're writing your own playbook. It's the reason I give Glee as much of a chance as I can, even when it's patently awful. Say what you will about the show, they don't have 615 previous examples of what works and what doesn't to follow. As such, even at their worst (and there's plenty of that to go around), I give them a wide berth and a lot of leniency.

That lengthy preamble sets the stage for my thoughts and views of ABC's new high-concept drama, Once Upon a Time. Based on my appreciation for shows that step out of the box, it should come as little surprise that I quite enjoyed the pilot. That said, as with any unique show, it's going to take some time to assess the long-term potential of the show. Based on the pilot alone, I'm intrigued and excited for as many episodes of this show as the network is willing to give me.

Once Upon a Time is a high-concept show. I define a show as "high concept" when I can't sum it up in six words or less. While I appreciate genre shows for shortening my reviews with such stirring descriptions as "crime procedural with stoic anthropologist" and "medical drama with lots of sex" (generally saving me a whole paragraph), they don't exactly stir the cockles of my heart either. Indeed, I find more often than not that the longer it takes me to describe a show, the more I enjoyed it. Not a hard and fast rule by any stretch, but anecdotal at least. Once Upon a Time is... really hard to describe on paper. In as short as I can possibly muster, the show is a blend of modern-day fairy tale and actual, literary fairy tale. An evil sorceress has cast a spell on all of the beloved fairy tale characters in the land so that they can't remember who they were. They now live is Storybrook, Maine where time stands still and no one knows that they're Snow White, Geppetto, or one of the Seven Dwarves. We're drawn into the story by Emma Swan (played by Jennifer Morrison), the daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White, who was spared from the witch's curse at the last moment, transported from a magical wardrobe to the real world where she grew up a presumed orphan. Now, the son she gave up for adoption 10 years prior (and who was adopted by the evil queen--dun, dun, dun!) has tracked her down and brought her to Storybrook so that she can right the wrongs and save all the characters. I know, it sounds like a horrible mish-mash, but they actually pulled it off pretty well. The Emma Swan angle didn't quite captivate me as much as the magical kingdom angle, getting a bit sluggish here and there versus the sparkle of Snow White and Prince Charming, but for this kind of a pilot, I'm pretty forgiving. It must have been hell trying to figure out how to present this set-up in a way that worked.

The show is a blending of the modern context with Emma Swan and the fairy tale context, set before the evil queen cast the spell. From what I can tell and conjecture from the pilot and scenes from next episode, this is the motif the show will employ for the long-run, using the fairy tale timeline to elucidate the backgrounds for all of these characters and the "now now" timeline to tell Emma's story to save the kingdom, essentially. As mentioned, this is new territory in a lot of ways, so it's hard to tell exactly where we're going from here. I, for one, am thrilled at the promise of making no promises. This show has the liberty do whatever it likes, essentially, and while I can't be sure it'll succeed over the course of several seasons, I'm excited to see it regardless.

It sounds completely ridiculous on paper, I grant that, but that's one of the things I liked the best about it. It's a bizarre conceit, one that I've never seen before, and they actually pull it off. I wouldn't say the pilot was perfect and I'm not entirely sure how everything works, but I got swept away. I can see where a lot of viewers would find it completely cheesy and lame, but I have a soft spot for fairy tales and fantasy, so it hit home with me in a big way. The writers and producers embraced the crazy and ran with it, seemingly deciding that if they were going to fail, they were going to fail big. Fortunately, Once Upon a Time was not a fail. The blending of timelines and the overlap of characters was effortless and clearly spelled out. There's little room for confusion, although I can see where some of the ways in which they define their universe might get muddled down the line. Like I said, I'm not sure how everything works exactly or who knows what or why, but I'm confident I'll find out and that the writers will present these answers in a way that follows the rules they choose define. Most high-concept shows end up changing the rules as time goes by, but I'm largely fine with it. So long as the changes themselves make logical sense (relative to the show's surroundings), I'm more than happy to allow the writers to take as many liberties as they wish.

Other viewers might not be so forgiving or willing to learn a whole new set of universe vocabulary. Which is fine. This is not a show for everyone. What I found magical, others may find hokey. I'm hoping the more traditional viewer will give the show a chance, however, because even if fairy tales aren't your bag, there's a lot to enjoy about this show. The cast is wonderful and neither takes themselves too seriously nor writes this gig off as a flight of fancy. The writing and acting makes for a nice balance of modernity and fantasy. When I first saw the trailer for this one, I was a little afraid that it might get carried away with itself (and not in a good way), but to my delight, it paints a picture that's both grounded and whimsical at the same time. The transitions between the here and now never felt jarring or forced and I found myself genuinely invested in both.

What really helps to sell the concept is the production values. In essence, the show has the money to make this work. I'm not saying a show needs a high budget to make fantasy work (indeed, most of my favorite fantasy was made on a shoestring), but for a network show with this kind of concept, a few extra dollars certainly doesn't hurt. I'd more than likely be on board regardless, but to draw in the errant viewer, a heavy dose of "oooohs" and "awwws" goes a long way. Borrowing visual aesthetics based in fairy tale and Disneyland, this high concept is presented in a warm, visually stimulating, but familiar way. It actually kind of had an Enchanted vibe to it with mix of new and old, reality and fantasy, which I quite enjoyed. Even the best visual effects and set designs won't save you if the writing is bad, however, so they're lucky they've got capable writers and charming actors en tow. "If you care about the characters, nothing else matters. If you don't care about the characters, nothing else matters." Words to live and die by, in the television industry. In only a pilot, it's hard to really form connections with characters right off the bat, so the "else" matters a lot more. When Ringer Buffy's greenscreened boating expedition is the only thing you can remember, you're in trouble...

All in all, I rather enjoyed the pilot, although not without reservations. I'm not sure I found the modern storyline as captivating as the fairy tale background, but I'm willing to wager that will even out over time. I think that may be because I don't know the modern characters as well as their fairy tale counterparts. Even though this was only the pilot, I know who Snow White is and what the Seven Dwarves are all about, Rumpelstiltskin's true character, and how Jiminy Cricket rolls. It was easy to care about these characters because I already do. Emma Swan and her son don't have that kind of background with me. That said, I think Jennifer Morrison did a lovely job and I honestly didn't hate the kid (which is big for me). I'm not sure I found the whole show quite as enchanting as I would have liked, but it was enchanting enough. At the very least, I'm excited for more and I was even a little bummed when the pilot ended. I want to see what happens next. That's about all a pilot can ever ask of its audience.

Will this work for a whole season? Or several seasons? I haven't the faintest idea. Am I really, really hoping that it does? Yes, absolutely. I think this show may have a hard time finding a sizable enough audience to justify its budget, but a girl can dream, right? According to the show at least, that's a big yes. I may be more attuned to this kind of concept than a lot of people, but I think even the casual passerby could find a lot to love about this show. It's familiar and unique at the same time, which is a tall order to fill. Unlike a lot of fairy tale reimaginations (like Wicked), this show doesn't seem so much bent on reinventing who these characters really were so much as putting these characters in a whole new context. In most ways, who these characters are are who we've always thought they were. That makes the show accessible to even those who might pooh-pooh a higher concept show in general. I certainly hope so.

Pilot Grade: B+

Fall Ratings: Should you be worried?

I wasn't sure how to structure this post and the next one... I wanted to do a post which looked at the ratings for shows (assessing survival prospects) and I wanted to do one with the shows that I'm keeping and the ones I'm kicking to the curb. I was determined to make these two separate posts, but they kept overlapping. I'll separate as best I can, but bear with me, there may be some redundancy...

Please also note that there will likely be some shows left off this list. I'll mostly focus on new shows, but there might be some returning favorites as well.

For credentials sake, you should know that I follow show ratings week-to-week, keep a going list of ratings for all new shows and for returning shows who might be in trouble. I've been doing this long enough that I have a pretty good sense for what kind of ratings a show needs to survive, adjusting for network, timeslot, financial investment, and any number of other factors. It's kind of pitiful how well-versed I am in this.

Anyway, on with the shows!

**EXTREMELY SAFE ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN PICKED UP FOR A FULL SEASON):

• NEW GIRL
  I can't say I'm over the moon about this show, but it's ratings are impossible to argue with. I had a feeling the show would do well, but holy shit. Apparently there are even more doe-eyed Zooey lovers out there than I thought! Not only were the key demo numbers impressive by even Fox's standards, but it routinely outpaces Glee. Not only does this speak to New Girl's success, but it also speaks to Glee's precipitous fall. Don't get me wrong, Glee's demo numbers are still more than solid, but I'm sure the execs at Fox were shocked. Even with the baseball-induced hiatus, this show should do just fine in the long run.
  
  
• UP ALL NIGHT
  This pick-up has more to do with NBC's pathetic-ness than with the ratings. The numbers have been good by NBC standards, but if this show were on CBS, it wouldn't have made it past the second week.
  
  
• 2 BROKE GIRLS
  This one is just depressing. This show is awful, but it's ratings are insanely high. Even by CBS standards, which are ridiculously higher than NBC's.
  
  
• RINGER
  Only on the CW, folks. The ratings are bad, really bad, but when you're on the CW, it doesn't matter so much. I've been trying to give this show another chance, having heard it got a lot better, but only time will tell. I would have said that this pick-up had more to do with SMG's high profile than anything else, but that was until...
  
  
• HART OF DIXIE
  Yeah, this was a surprise, even for the CW. This show's ratings are only a tick above Nikita's (which airs in the worst time slot ever conceived). Even by CW standards, I didn't think they'd keep this one. At the very least, I thought they'd give it another week of numbers before they made a decision. I wouldn't care, but the more shows the CW picks up, the more in danger Nikita is. Or, I guess looking at it another way, if they're willing to keep this, they're willing to keep anything.
  
  
• THE SECRET CIRCLE
  No brainer. It's ratings aren't great by most broadcasting standards, but they're better than 90% of the CW's slate. It's no TVD, but it's hanging in there.
  
  
• WHITNEY
  Given NBC's "barely above the CW" standards, I can't say this was a total surprise, but the speed with which it came was a bit of a shock. After two weeks of ratings freefall, they give it a full-season order? I don't know what is being smoked over at NBC, but this show is terrible and its ratings are only getting worse. But, now they're stuck with it. Smart.
  
  

Now that we've moved past the shows that have already gotten the definitive green light, we're headed into more speculative territory. Please bear in mind that it's still early on, so these predictions are just that. Predictions. Anything can happen, folks. Based on ratings and everything else, here's how the new shows (and some old shows) are doing. To be honest with you, most shows that haven't been picked-up already are at least sort of in trouble, but here goes...

**SAFE ZONE**
(SHOWS WITH GOOD NUMBERS, BUT HAVEN'T BEEN PICKED-UP FOR A FULL SEASON (OR ANOTHER SEASON) YET):

• SUBURGATORY
  It's only aired a couple of episodes so far, but the numbers are solid. If it stays on trend, it will certainly get a full-season pick-up. [UPDATE: With last night's ratings totals in, this show is a lock for a full-season. Announcement should come any day.]
  
  
• TERRA NOVA
  Okay, to say this show is "safe" is a bit of a misnomer. It's numbers aren't what Fox had hoped for, but it's initial order was for 13 episodes. When speaking in those terms, in spite of the ratings, I'm willing to wager it will air all 13 episodes. That said, while the numbers for its first two episodes were good and showed no signs of slipping, there was a pretty big drop off for episode 3. If that continues, even the small order won't save it.
  
  
• PARENTHOOD
  Yeah, yeah, it's not a new show, but it's perennially on the bubble, so I thought you fans would want to know that it's going to be just fine. No, it's numbers aren't great, but they're decent by NBC standards, and more importantly, they're consistent week to week. In short, it's doing fine.
  
  
• THE GOOD WIFE
  On any other network, it's numbers would be stellar, but for CBS, they key demo ratings are disappointing. Why is it safe then, you ask? Because it's the best show on network TV, the only network drama that receives any kind of critical or awards acclaim at all, and because CBS likes to have bragging rights. What's more, CBS is so insanely successful that it can afford to have a critical darling under its wing. The numbers have been fairly low for CBS, but they've been consistent, even in spite of the new timeslot. No worries, Eli and Kalinda aren't going anywhere.
  
  
• REVENGE
  I think the ratings have finally settled and they're in a range that ABC can definitely get behind. ABC is almost as pitiful as NBC and it can't be too choosy, so to have a show genuinely do well is a no-brainer. Revenge can even stand to go a little lower and still be just fine. [UPDATE: With last night's ratings totals in, this show is a lock for a full-season. Announcement should come any day.]
  
  
• LAST MAN STANDING
  Okay, so it's only aired one episode, but they numbers were very, very good for ABC. The show, unfortunately, is very, very bad in every conceivable regard, but when has that ever stopped anybody? I'm hoping for a shocking drop-off next week, but I doubt it. Even if it's numbers were cut in half, it would probably be fine. I'll pause while everyone goes and weeps for humanity.
  
  
• HAPPY ENDINGS
  I'm as shocked as you are. After getting a miraculous pick-up after last season, something rivaling Biblical times, this show is back and is actually doing pretty well. It looks like in the shuffle of things, Happy Endings has come out on top (well, middle really, but you know what I mean).
  
  
• CASTLE
  Numbers could be better, but ABC is fully invested in this one. It's not going anywhere. Even if Nathan Fillion's track record would suggest otherwise.
  
  
• GLEE
  A lot of people have been wondering about Glee's ratings after the disaster that was season 2, so I'm including it on the list. For the record, the numbers have been noticeably lower and have been sliding a bit week-to-week. That said, it's key demos are still among the highest in the biz and the show isn't going anywhere. It has actually been better this year, but that doesn't seem to be enough to bring back all the folks who broke up with it after last season. Can't says I blame you.
  
  

**DANGER ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT ARE DOWN, BUT NOT OUT... YET):

• PAN AM
  This show started off flying high in the ratings and looked to be ABC's saving grace from the loss of Desperate Housewives, but it's numbers have been in freefall since the premiere. It's a shame, because I'm really enjoying this one, but if its numbers go any lower, it's going to be in serious trouble. I think the only thing that will save it is ABC's need to save face and their growing acceptance as being "barely better than NBC"...
  
  
• NIKITA
  Oh, my darling Nikita. This show has always struggled a bit even by CW standards, but now that it's stranded in the worst timeslot ever, I'm worried. Anchoring Friday nights? Yikes. I'm sure the CW had low expectations, but still. It's numbers honestly aren't that much worse than the rest of the CW's slate, but with Chuck starting up in a couple of weeks, I'm worried that Nikita's numbers will sink even lower. I think the show's saving grace will be that this is the kind of show that does well abroad and may make money for the network in the long run. Fingers crossed!
  
  
• PRIME SUSPECT
  The numbers aren't good, at all really, but they're holding steady and NBC is desperate. They just ordered 6 more scripts, so that bodes well for the show, even if not for NBC as a whole. I'm actually enjoying this one to an extent, so I'm happy to see it'll be around for a while.
  
  
• HARRY'S LAW
  This one is the real head-scratcher. Based on key demo ratings, this show would almost be at home on the CW, garnering worse numbers than The Vampire Diaries (although it does do okay in total numbers). NBC just ordered 6 more scripts, but I think it was a bad call. I have a feeling NBC sees this as their The Good Wife, hoping it'll bring some reputability to the network. Sorry NBC, it will not.
  
  
• UNFORGETTABLE
  CBS loves its crime procedurals, but viewers aren't exactly flocking to this piece of shit, and they know it. It's numbers have been going steadily down and even if it stays where it is, it's going to have a hard time. It may get a full season, but I'd be shocked if it got a second year. I guess watching Poppy Montgomery stare off into space just isn't as riveting as CBS hoped it would be... Note to Poppy, save the money you spend on lip injections and spend it on a dialect coach.
  
  
• PERSON OF INTEREST
  Its future looks rosier than Unforgettable's, but only by a bit. The numbers are okay for now, but they've been going steadily down. It's an expensive show to produce, but it has an impressive pedigree. If it can stay were it is, I think it'll be fine. If it goes much lower, it'll be in trouble. I think it's going to come down to one or the other and this will get picked up and Unforgettable will get the axe.
  
  

**DEAD ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT SHOULD PROBABLY REVIEW THEIR WILLS):

• CHARLIE'S ANGELS
  Not long for this world, peeps. I'm guessing it'll be the next to get cancelled. Terrible show, terrible ratings. I'm kind of surprised it hasn't already bitten the big one.
  
  
• A GIFTED MAN
  Even with a Friday timeslot, there's no saving this one. CBS will likely give it the axe the moment it has something to fill the timeslot with, if not sooner.
  
  
• FRINGE
  Again, Friday can only forgive so much. Fox seems to be behind this one though, so I guess a miracle could happen. In my heart of hearts, I suspect this will be its last season, but I'm guessing it'll be a full season.
  
  

**EXTREMELY DEAD ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN CANCELED):

• THE PLAYBOY CLUB
  This one never stood a chance, and it has nothing to do with the PTC. If anything, the right wing uproar is the only thing that brought in any ratings at all. This show just couldn't work on network TV. The leads were lackluster for the most part and the writing was sloppy.
  
  
• FREE AGENTS
  Even though the ratings sucked, I thought this one would last a little longer by simple virtue of being a half-hour comedy... I was wrong. Go forth, Giles, onto better gigs.
  
  
• HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN
  Hats off to CBS for pulling the plug on this piece of shit after only one episode. On any other network, the ratings would have been cause for celebration, but CBS has a higher threshold and the luxury of axing anything it chooses.
  
  
• H8R
  I never saw a single episode... and neither did anyone else. You get canceled by the CW, you know you've got problems. The CW doesn't do a whole lot right, but getting rid of this horrendous assault on television was one of the best moves in recent history.
  

"It's over. We're safe. I won."

If you haven't watched Breaking Bad yet, you need to start. For all the people out there who think television is a pulp medium and a vacuous waste of time, take notice. I'm not saying there isn't a truly depressing amount of total shit on the airwaves right now (the E! network relies on such shows to feed their families), but if you sift through all the awful, there are some absolute gems. Right now? None rises higher on my list than Breaking Bad, which, after completing four seasons, is better than ever.

This show keeps you on your toes, even when you don't realize your on them. It's like when you've been tensing a muscle for so long that you forget about it until the tension releases. With Breaking Bad, the knots grow tighter and the water gets hotter so gradually that by the time you reach the end of the season, every single moment, no matter how seemingly calm or staid, is a blood pressure spiking nail-biter. I think the best part of the show is the many and varied and surprising ways in which it builds the tension.

**SPOILER ALERT**
If you haven't seen the entire series to date, do not read the rest of this post. Trust me, you don't want to ruin it.

Each season examines Walt's and Jesse's descent step by step, but with each new season comes a new focus, a new perspective that narrows the magnifying glass on a new facet of the hell they've created for themselves. When trying to sum of the "theme" of sorts of this season, it was hard for me to boil down. My first thought was, "Well, it's all about seeming compromise and concurrently, a total lack of any compromise at all--the goal is to use the notion of compromise to one-up everyone around you." I think AV Club summed up that murky notion of conflicting agendas well with a single word: negotiation. Throughout the season, each and every character has to negotiate with the people around them, the forces acting upon them, their own moral compasses, the factors that are out of their control, and even more perilously I think, the factors that are within their control. When it boils down, this show has always been about control and it uses each of its characters to maximum effect in driving home what control actually means and how it creates and destroys.

One of the most powerful aspects of the show is that the characters are allowed to change over time, with the balance of power shifting almost seamlessly beneath their feet. This season saw so many terrifying voltas that my loyalties would almost sneak up on me. Seriously, from one episode to another, the game can change so entirely that I the viewer could barely keep up with who I wanted to succeed, let alone the players on the board. As the characters were negotiating their own existences, I was negotiating my allegiances. "Wait a minute, am I really pulling for Gus Fring all of a sudden? When did that happen?" It's the hallmark of an amazing show when each character is so layered that he or she is both beloved and loathed at any given time. Breaking Bad has such characters in spades. By the end of this season, I found myself hoping Walt, the shows seeming protagonist, would get the worst of it, and somehow ended up hoping Gus Fring, so feared and hated just a few episodes back, would rise the victor. My emotions were entirely fluid though, and these fleeting acknowledgments would flit in and out of my conscience almost the moment they were acknowledged. When I tried to reconcile how my desperate hope that Walt would go undetected had morphed into a begrudging tolerance of his existence, and how, conversely, my fear and loathing of Gus Fring had somehow transformed into a sort of respect, I found myself ending up at the same place. Jesse.

When I watch Breaking Bad, I see the world through Jesse's eyes and view the succeeding events in terms of how they affect Jesse specifically. For me, he's the heart and soul of the show. Over the past four years, the writers have done an amazing job of formulating two characters who aren't what they seem. When the show began, we had a desperate, dying, reluctant chemistry teacher who got caught up cooking meth with a low-life addict. As the show as gone on, however, it has become more and more painfully and terrifyingly apparent that while both of these characters have gotten in over their heads, Walt is at home here, Jesse isn't. In the panoply of dark, crazy shit that goes down on this show, Walt emerges as the character who drives the risk higher and higher, even when it's unnecessary. He feels alive doing bad, bad things, probably for the first time in his life, and he'll tighten the noose around his own neck if it means he gets to be the big, bad, powerful Heisenberg rather than the weak, ineffectual, insignificant Mr. White. While that progression is thrilling and terrible to watch, it puts a certain bent on his character that makes him the bully, the bad guy, the architect of destruction that's hard to pull for. Jesse, by sharp contrast, never really wanted any of this at all. Where Walt exerts control (even when he only thinks it's his to exert), Jesse seems eternally subject to the forces around him. Sure, his behaviors are self-destructive most of the time and his decisions affect his well-being in a direct way, but when it comes to Jesse, there just doesn't seem to be much of any control at all. Even at his most powerful, it seems he's being manipulated by the alpha males around him. I think that's where the turn came for me between the two father figures in his life. I pull for whoever treats Jesse the best because Jesse has no power to control his own destiny. In my negotiation with my own loyalties, Jesse's best interests always prevail.

Playing Jesse as the heart of the show, the lost boy, the son, comes to into deadly focus in the finale when it's impossible to fully comprehend in just how many ways he's being manipulated by his fathers. The more caring and fatherly Gus became, the more suspicious I became, but by that same token, the more confident and assured Jesse became. I found myself slipping into Gus' web in much the same way Jesse did. When Jesse found a shelf full of blood bags intended for him in Mexico (preparations to save his life), it was like he felt truly valued and cared for for the first time in his life. After several episodes of watching Jesse spiral completely into the abyss, seeing anyone, even Gus Fring, pull him back from the edge was endearing. In the back of my mind, I always felt that Fring was manipulating Jesse is some grand way, but it was hard to argue with the day-to-day improvement in Jesse's well-being (even if, when being totally honest, I think Mike had a lot more to do with Jesse's rehabilitation than Gus ever did). At the end of the day, while Walt and Gus were hurtling toward each other on the evil expressway, Jesse pretty much just needed a hug most of the time. Indeed, even when Jesse is at his most badass, he's one small step from being completely horrified by the people around him. Seeing the absolute panic on his face when the Mexican cartel started collapsing and Mike garotted that one guy served as a potent reminder that in spite of all this, Jesse is a sensitive kid who's mixed up in a whirlwind he can't get out of. It should be noted, however, that in spite of Jesse's innate constitution, he's in the thick of things, he knows it, and he does his best with it. Both he and Walt have murdered people at this point, they've both done a lot of things to hurt the people around them, and they've both gone against the other at times. The big difference in my eyes is that Jesse has an innate goodness and Walt... well, who knows what's at his core these days, but I don't think anyone would characterize it as "good." When Heisenberg kills someone, it's in his own self-interest. When Jesse kills someone, it's for the sake of others.

Walt and Gus are more alike than Walt would ever like to admit and more than Jesse will probably ever know. That's how Walt used Jesse to such a spectacularly bloody end. We, the audience, know more than Jesse does about Walt and that leads our negotiations to other ends. Jesse has this almost childlike view of the world. His morals are black and white in theory, but he's so impressionable and susceptible to outside influences that it takes a real shot across the bow to bring his resolve to the surface. From early on in the show, we've known how much Jesse cares for children. Nothing brings out his rage or wrath like acts against kids. We know this, Walt knows this, and Jesse suffers for it. Walt, that soul-sucking, game-playing bastard, knew full well that the way to get Jesse to turn of Gus would be to exploit Jesse's love of children. Jesse would never kill someone who had wronged him solely. Jesse has had the crap kicked out of him in every way possible for years. If he killed the people who had wronged him, no one would be left. No, Jesse acts out when people even more helpless than he is get hurt. He's all to aware of what it's like to be the victim in this way. He's the little guy, but not the littlest guy, and watching the helpless get screwed is more than Jesse can bear. Walt knows this. When Jesse had the gun to Walt's head and was (as it turns out, quite rightly) accusing him of poisoning the boy, Walt plays on Jesse's goodness and convinces him that he isn't capable of hurting a child. "Do you really think I could do that?!" As an audience member, who watched him actively let Jane die a couple of seasons back, the answer is a resounding, "Yes." Having seen the entirety of Walt's digression in vivid technicolor, there isn't anything I wouldn't put past him at this point. Jesse doesn't know this, however. What he does know, is that Gus is someone who hurts kids. In Jesse's black and white logic, it must be Gus. At this point, I honestly wasn't sure who had poisoned the boy. While in the back of my mind, I didn't want to believe Walt had done it, his moral compass points any which way but north these days, so he had to be a possibility. On the other hand, I couldn't see how Walt had access to the Ricin. Also, when Gus takes a stab at someone, it cuts to the core, so he was just as likely a suspect. Geez, I feel like I'm picking Iocaine here and I clearly can't choose the baddie in front of me.

In the closing scenes, when it's revealed that it was actually berries from Lily of the Valley that poisoned the boy, my theoretical mind splintered. I still thought Walt was a fair candidate, but I also know that the writers are just ballsy enough to have the poisoning have nothing to do with anything. While the reveal that it really was Walt made for a searing WTF moment, in a weird way, I think it almost would have hit harder if the boy's illness really had been an accident. When you're in the middle of a shitstorm, you can't see accidents for what they are and that has deadly consequences. In the end though, I was absolutely thrilled by the closing shot of the pot of flowers in Walt's yard. Some critics have felt it was a little too explicit, I appreciated having definitive proof. This show leaves a lot of things up in the air, makes the waters murkier and murkier with each successive episode, and shifts the balance of power often enough that it was nice to have something more grounded, more, well, explicit. It lacked some the nuance of the show's greatest moments, but it hit hard and worked extremely well. Had they not been so explicit, viewers would have been left with some thrilling uncertainty, but that would have sapped some of the mega impact of learning that yes, Walt is willing to kill children if it accomplishes his own ends. If it, in effect, helps him "win." The best part of it all was that it called back to Walt sitting in the backyard earlier, spinning the gun. I can usually see a plot point telegraphed from a mile away, but with Breaking Bad, I oftentimes read it wrong. When he was spinning the gun, and it pointed at him twice, and then at "nothing" the third time, I thought that was telling Walt that there was only him left. Little did I know that it was actually pointing to that potted plant-- that seemingly innocuous, random set dressing. Masterfully done, show.

There are a million other things to talk about with this show, the final story arcs, and the finale itself, but this is getting interminably long and difficult to organize. Here are my other random thoughts on the closing episodes of this season:

• We may have gotten closure on whether or not Walt poisoned the boy, but there's still a lot up in the air. Did Ted actually die? What's going to happen with that? Where does Gus' empire go from here? Does Jesse suspect Walt after all? Does he really believe it was an accident? Will he ever learn the truth? And so on...
• For as many times as my loyalties shifted from character to character, I could never bring myself to root for Hank. I know I'm in the minority here, and I honestly can't put my finger on why, but I've hated his character since minute one and haven't been concerned for his well-being or reputation for even a second. Most people wanted his theories to be proven and vindication to be had. I kept hoping he'd throw a clot and die. Even at his most awesome, he's the last person I'd want to spend a day with. I think the final straw for me came with how he treated Marie after he was injured. Ugh. I can see the reasons behind it, but that doesn't make me love him anymore. The problem with Hank is that I get the feeling I'm supposed to love him, but I don't.
  
• Skylar, Skylar, Skylar. I love her, I hate her. It was when I realized that I was supposed to kind of hate her that I started to appreciate what she brings to the show. Most recently, her bid to save herself by pretending to be Ted's dingbatty accountant was pure gold. "Do you use Quicken? That program is amazing. It's like there's a calculator in the computer." Awesome. She has her issues to be sure, but she has some true moments of badass in her own right. I wish Anna Gunn had laid off the plastic surgery/botox though. Skylar was downright difficult to look at this season.
• Best. Death scene. Ever. It may have strayed from the gritty reality of the show's core and aesthetic, but when you're as supremely awesome as Gus Fring, you deserve better than a conventional death. Calm, cool, composed, and well-dressed, even when half his face has been blown off. Badass in every regard. I'm sad to see him go.
• I've very glad to see that Mike was conveniently recovering in Mexico for all of this though. Mike is probably my favorite character on the show and the only true father figure among them. I can't wait to see what they do with him in season 5--which had better come soon, dammit!
• Speaking of people I can't wait to see again, Saul Goodman is fantastic. It's not easy to inject a believable amount of levity to a show like this, but Saul cracks me up at every turn. I'm so glad he survived the finale and I'm really hoping we get to me his guy who can disappear you if you order the right vacuum part.
  
• I love Jesse so much. And I have a ridiculous crush of Aaron Paul, who is just so unbelievably talented. Even when he knows damn well that telling the doctors about the Ricin possibility will likely land him in jail, he doesn't hesitate for even a moment. He runs into the hospital to make sure the boy is okay. Walt, even if he hadn't poisoned him himself, would have stood in the parking lot weighing the pros and cons and ultimately deciding that it wasn't in his own best interest to save the boy. He would have watched him die to save himself. As always.
• Hats off to the show, the writers, the producers, the directors, and the entire cast and crew. All the actors do such a fabulous job that there's no point in singling people out (although Aaron Paul breaks my heart, Bryan Cranston pisses me off, and Giancarlo Esposito scares the hell out of me). That said, the man who played Tio Salamanca gets extra points for being just as amazing as everyone else without saying a single word. Truly inspired. You know you have an amazing show when the death of two of the shows super-villains isn't met with a cheer. He and Gus will be sorely missed.

TV Review: Terra Nova

I became apprehensive about Fox's new big budget dino-rama Terra Nova when I heard that they were aiming to appeal to everyone, young and old, male and female, etc. In my experience, when a show tries to please everyone, it doesn't please me. I'm sure that most viewers were more than happy with this sci-fi fantasy spectacle, but for a show about time travel and dinosaurs, I was surprisingly bored. For the entire two hours. Which felt like about... oh, let's say... 85 million years.

The short short version of this review? I spent the whole time wishing the main characters would get eaten by dinosaurs.

Okay, it wasn't a total disaster or anything, but if I'm being totally honest, I kept whinily asking the show to be over as I checked the time code on my DVR to see how much show was left. I didn't go into this one expecting to absolutely love every minute or anything, but I expected at least not to be bored. Literally, at one point two of the main characters are speeding away from a dinosaur that's trying to kill them and all I could think was, "I wonder if there are any brownies left in the kitchen... I should go check." I'm guessing I'm in the minority here when it comes to this pilot (and based on most reviews I've stumbled across, I'm mostly right), but I was underwhelmed pretty much from minute one.

Terra Nova stars Jason O'Mara as Jim Shannon, a cop living in 2149 which is a post-industrial, polluted hell hole where the air is unbreathable without a "re-breather" to assist, people are packed into crumbling cities, resources have been almost completely depleted, and population control is necessarily enforced with military precision. I knew the show was in trouble the second O'Mara got home to his family (a wife and three kids (which is one too many from a legal standpoint)) with an orange en tow. I think it must be required for all futuristic wasteland scenarios that fresh fruit be dragged out as some sort of emblem of how bad things have gotten. "Oooh, an orange?! I haven't seen one of these in years! Where did you get it?!" Ugh. Never seen that scene before. Don't get me wrong, some truly spectacular sci-fi shows have employed this hackneyed ploy, but when Firefly does it, you get a compelling piece of backstory about soldiers blowing each other up by placing charges inside apples. It was also very story specific, rather than simply being a heavy-handed illustration of the environmental state of the planet. With Terra Nova, it merely marked the first in a long long of sci-fi cliches that were borrowed from more successful predecessors.

Upon finding the Shannon family's third child hiding in a vent (stupid kid couldn't keep her mouth shut for 2 little minutes), papa Shannon gets thrown in jail for assaulting one of the officers. Two years later, his wife gets called up to go back in time 85 million years on the Terra Nova project (she's very conveniently a doctor), whereby waves of citizens from 2149 will start a new timeline of human events. Basically, humanity will be allotted 85 million extra years to destroy the joint. Yay? Good for us? After a series of highly illegal events, the whole Shannon clan, Jim and illegal extra daughter included, make their way back to Terra Nova. From there, the highly predictable chain of sci-fi cliches and "back in time" tropes fall into place one by one. I kept hoping this show would bring something truly new and unique to the genre, but more than anything, it just tried to jam-pack as many other genres on top of this one that it could, borrowing even more cliches from around the narrative world. In its attempt to craft a show for everyone, it appropriated a fairly cheesy family drama (a sub-par version of Everwood sprang to mind), excerpts from The O.C. and Melrose Place as the hot young singles in the colony (including an obvious love interest for mopey teenage son of the Shannons) go jump off a waterfall (yeah, I called that one from a mile away), healthy dollops of Lost (the "Others" are called "Sixers" these days), the sci-fi militarism we've come to know and expect from this kind of project, a ridiculous number of set-ups for young love, more than a little Avatar thrown in, and Jurassic Park style everything else. It was all very impressive to look at, but it all felt extremely familiar. Honestly, that hardly covers the pantheon of predictable plotlines, but I got bored just recounting those ones. It all made for a disappointingly clunky debut to a show that should have blown me away, not annoyed me.

For a show that's focused, has a clear identity and purpose, and whose writing team has solidified what it wants out of the show in advance, familiar tropes and storylines can easily and successfully be littered throughout. Firefly, for example, was a sci-fi western, complete with all the trappings, but was also a post-war battle between the allies and rebels, any number of love stories, a mystery, a family drama, and just about everything else. Firefly presented all these aspects in a seemingly effortless way that simply felt organic to the characters and the setting. With Terra Nova, I kept getting the feeling that there were just too many cooks in the kitchen with each wanting a certain aspect thrown in wherever it happened to fit in a shameless bid to appeal to as wide an audience as possible. Knowing the American viewing public as I do, I'm sure a lot of people were more than happy with this show because indeed, it casts a wide net. Had I not seen so many other shows from similar genres, I probably would have been far more forgiving, but for me, this massively big budget, show-stopping production felt derivative, not innovative or original.

The pilot buzzed through a hell of a lot of backstory and exposition in its two-hour debut, establishing a huge cast, a fair bit of mythology, the often saccharine and disingenuous inter-dynamics of the characters, and the scientific underpinnings of what they're doing and how. It's that last one that was probably the most unnatural for them to convey. In order for the viewers to be informed about the "science" behind it all right off the bat, eldest son Josh has to carry the idiot ball for the better part of the episode, having things explained to him by his brainy younger sister left and right. Not only would anyone in this situation know the basics of what they're doing and how, but it would have been a lot more interesting for me as a viewer to leave some of it unclear. I don't need everything explained to me right out of the gate. I'm sure I'm in the minority once again, but I'd much rather be simply immersed in a world and have details about the mechanics relayed over time, letting them become clear naturally as I slowly learn more about the world around me. Instead of letting me wonder about the Butterfly Effect of it all, muse about the effects it will all have on the future, try to figure out how they got there, etc, I was instead forced to listen to an annoyingly stereotypical character offer a lesson to her siblings in the least natural way possible. But then again, in any family dynamic, we need to the brooding, moody rebel older son and the brainy, awkward younger sister, dontcha know. Ugh. All the plot exposition became oppressive, annoying, and largely unnecessary as the show went on. We've all seen this kind of show before, people. We don't need this. Indeed, the Butterfly Effect should have been the most interesting part of the show, with the past altering the future in unexpected ways, but this rules that out immediately, indicating that Terra Nova exists in a "different time stream" or something and therefore has no effect on the future. While I can understand where the writers wouldn't want to deal with all that (*cough* Lost *cough*), I think it would have made for a much more interesting storyline. The show could have created a dynamic whereby the colonists had no way of knowing what impact they were having on the future, which would have led to any number of moral and ethical considerations that would have been interesting to watch. As is, it kind of felt like the easy way out. A cop-out.

I think if the basic set up had been more captivating the narrative elements would have been stronger over all. To be honest, I was more interested in the hellish future than in the dinosaur-laden past. I expected the time-travelers to be establishing a new colony in the past, figuring out how to survive and determining if this gambit will actually save mankind or not. That was not the case. Rather, the Shannon family travels back in time to a colony begun several years earlier and which has huge, detached houses for each family, a well-defined compound, and residents who basically grew up there. I should have been pleasantly surprised by this one and only surprise on the show, but instead, it just seemed to limit the writers on what they could do. By the end of the pilot, it was clearly evident why the colony had to be well-established for the story they were telling (and to avoid even more Lost comparisons), but all in all, I think I would have rather watched the show I expected because the show I got was kinda dull.

The show honestly has pretty decent bones to work with, it just didn't work with them very well. I think it's the kind of show that could be really good, but that the pilot wasn't very good. This clunky hodge-podge of stories and characters didn't take full advantage of the assets at its disposal. Hopefully they will in the future... Easily the most interesting aspect of the show was the "Others" who are comprised of a group of colonist who all came back with the sixth wave (which is why they're called "Sixers" now). They broke off and formed their own colony which is now at odds with Terra Nova. They've been posited as the bad guys (or at least the opposition) of the show, but I found myself wishing I were on their journey instead of the one I was on. In spite of the constant Hallmark Family Movie moments between the Shannons, I so didn't care about that family at all. I salute the writers for trying to endear them to viewers in a substantive way, but they were all so stereotypical that it was impossible for me to jump on board or get attached. They all just seemed like 2-dimensional cardboard cutouts that I just wanted to see get eaten by dinosaurs. The Sixers were far more interesting and for the sake of my enjoyment of the show, I hope to hell they have a more prominent role in episodes to come. I think they struck me as the most interesting because their origins and motives were left unsaid, allowing me to speculate and theorize to my heart's content. Had I been forced to listen to clunky plot exposition in that regard, I'd probably be as disillusioned with them as with the main guys, hoping both bloody colonies get eaten by dinosaurs. Fortunately though, they left some room to grow in this regard and I'm genuinely intrigued. Added to that, Captain Taylor (the main guy leading Terra Nova) has a son that went missing years back who, I like to think, has something to do with the Sixers, but we don't know what. What we do know is that he's most likely the one behind a number of mathematical inscriptions on some stones by the falls that look like they were left a confoundingly long time ago. My hope is that Taylor's son is some sort of a genius who devised a way to manipulate time by himself and went even further back and left the inscriptions. Between Taylor's son and the Sixers, I was rather entertained amid the other blander aspects of the pilot. Hell, they were a lot more captivating than the Shannon family and even the dinosaurs.

Speaking of the dinosaurs, I did not love the CGI. At times, the dinosaurs looked really good, but more often than not, it was pretty apparent that managing the level of special effects necessary to be convincing on a television budget was a pipe dream. This was an obscenely expensive television pilot and I still wasn't buying the dinosaurs half the time. Man alive, I can only imagine what they'll look like week-to-week with only one fifth the budget to rely on. Prepare yourselves for puppets on sticks in the future. Er, the past... You know what I mean.

I really wanted to love this pilot, and I'm sure a number of people did, but at the end of the day, I was just plain bored a lot of the time. The whole thing felt inelegantly devised and like it had been cut and pasted together from 9 other shows and 15 previous drafts. It just didn't seem to have its own identity. In theory, this is something that can easily develop over time, but really, I don't know if I want to give it that much time. I walked away from this pilot without much of an attachment to anyone. Indeed, the two characters that I found the most interesting were the two main Sixers who, all told, saw maybe 10 minutes of screentime, if that. I'm not the least bit invested in the Shannon family or their petty squabbles. In yet another trope that drives me crazy, I had to endure a family bickering over stupid, meaningless crap while there are dinosaurs trying to kill people. Yeah, so Papa Shannon went to jail for two years for punching that cop who was after his daughter, right? At one point, after the family has traveled back in time 85 millions years, whiny teenager Josh actually gets pissed at his dad for leaving them for two years and making them fend for themselves. Uh, you mean when he was in prison? Geez, the nerve of that guy! Don't worry though, the prison is squalid nightmare where they can't even use re-breathers, but Jim got a clean shave every morning, that's for damn sure. Seriously, he's supposed to look all haggard and worn, but there isn't even a trace of stubble on his cheek. Heh. What's worse, it's later revealed by the son that they probably would have incurred some sort of fine for having a third child. Seriously?! Jim freaked out and started punching people because he was afraid of a fine?! I thought the soldiers were going to kill the girl! It's things like this that make me think this script went through about a dozen drafts. At one point, maybe the soldiers would have killed the girl, but in a later draft, that seemed to harsh, so they watered it down. Quite frankly, I think it would have made for a much more compelling if the soldiers had killed the daughter. Not only would it have established the future in a way that was much more terrifying, but it would have given the family as a whole a deep-seeded resentment against the government that could have been spun into thrilling storylines once they got to the colony. Are they really loyal? Might they join the Sixers? It would have given the show a lot more gravity than it has. Hell, at the end of the day, after dinosaur attacks and military engagements, no one was killed? Seriously? Well, maybe this place isn't so scary after all... And I don't think that's a good thing.

It was all the little things that let Terra Nova down. There was no one failing that made me dislike it, no big giant Jim Caviezel to bore me to tears. Little things like the prisoner's lack of stubble, the see-through medical charts (because apparently patient privacy is a thing of the past... er, future), clothes that apparently came from The Gap and Ann Taylor (I swear to god, I think I own that sweater the mom had on), references and verbal turns of phrase that felt idiosyncratic and out of place for the future, piles upon piles of cliches, etc. all came together to the clear detriment of the storytelling. Were the narrative more compelling and original, the little things wouldn't have mattered. But, when the characters are bland and unmemorable, the conceit is overwrought and derivative, and overall narrative drive is inconsistent, the little things are much more glaring. When my family and I weren't actively mocking the show, we were pretty bored. For comparison's sake, we watched the CW's sappy, schlocky new series Hart of Dixie right after this and even for as bad as it was, we weren't as bored. At one point we were noting how cheesy and it was and I said, "Well, it's bad, but I'm not as bored as I was with Terra Nova." A sentiment echoed by the room. How sad is that? Yikes.

In fairness, it wasn't a total disaster and really does have some good elements to work with. I think if the writers can settle in and really get a good grip on their goals for the show, it could turn into something really good. While I'm not chomping at the bit for more, I think is has enough in place that I'm willing to hang on. I'm genuinely intrigued by the Sixers' story, even if not much else. My hope is that Terra Nova can break away from all the cliches and craft its own identity. If it can manage that, I think it could easily turn into something more captivating than it is. If, however, they insist on following the melodramatic, charmless Shannon family for the entirety of the show, I'll be tuning out sooner than later. Seriously, for a show with this kind of concept, I would have expected someone, anyone to have had some edge and uniqueness. Quite the contrary, I felt like I was watching the wacky hijinx of one Time Traveler Barbie after another. Here's hoping for better down the line.

Pilot Grade: C-