NBC FALL 2012: Pick-ups, Cancelleds, and Schedule

Whoa, blogger is different!  Hopefully better...  If not, my apologies.  Geez, how long has it been since I blogged that I didn't know about this till now?  Oh, well.  On with the show.  UPDATE:  Oh my holy hell, it is SO MUCH WORSE!  Just when I thought that wasn't possible!!!  Yeah, that picture above?  Hard as hell to move around without screwing up all your text.  If it moves at all.  Kudos, Blogger.  Way to suck.  Yeah, I'm gonna be looking for a new program to use in the very near future, because if pictures are this hard, embedding videos is going to be a blast...

As per usual with NBC over the past 5-10 years, they have more an insane number of new pilots.  Why, you ask?  Because the network is underwater and they cancel nearly everything they pick up.  Seriously, when a fantasy show in the Friday night death slot is the highlight and biggest success of last season’s pilot ventures, you’re truly, truly in trouble.  Here’s the breakdown of pick-ups and cancelleds (only the scripted shows, naturally).

PICKED-UP FOR NEXT SEASON:  30 Rock (final season), Community (wahoo! 13 episode initial order), Grimm (yay!), Law & Order: SVU, The Office, Parenthood, Parks & Recreation, Smash (will be held till midseason), Up All Night, and Whitney.

CANCELLED:  Are You There Chelsea?, Awake, Bent, Best Friends Forever, Chuck, Free Agents, Harry’s Law, The Playboy Club, Prime Suspect, and The Firm.

Along with the largely unsurprising pick-up and cancellation news, some scheduling changes should be noted.  Biggest change?  Community has been moved to Fridays.  This, in and of itself, wouldn’t be a death sentence (if ever a show could survive on a Friday, it’s a show with a niche audience), and quite frankly, not being up against The Big Bang Theory anymore can only be good news, but that it will now follow Whitney is a big problem.  Whitney’s ratings are bad, and the fans aren’t going to follow it to Friday.  I think Community’s base certainly will, but no casual viewer is going to watching Whitney and then stick around.  It’s a terrible lead-in and Community is going to suffer for it.  Ugh.  Other than that, here’s how things are stacking up.

The entries in ALL CAPS are new shows for fall.  The times are all Eastern Time Zone because I was too lazy to adjust for the time zone I actually live in.

NBC FALL 2012 SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8/7c The Voice
10 pm REVOLUTION

TUESDAY
8 pm The Voice
9 pm GO ON
9:30 pm THE NEW NORMAL
10 pm Parenthood

WEDNESDAY
8 pm ANIMAL PRACTICE
8:30 pm GUYS WITH KIDS
9 pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10 pm CHICAGO FIRE

THURSDAY
8 pm 30 Rock
8:30 pm Up All Night
9 pm The Office
9:30 pm Parks and Recreation
10 pm Rock Center with Brian Williams

FRIDAY
8 pm Whitney
8:30 pm Community
9 pm Grimm
10-11 pm Dateline NBC

SUNDAY (Post-football/Winter 2013)
8 pm Fashion Star
9 pm The Celebrity Apprentice
10 pm DO NO HARM

I’ll be posting clips and trailers of the new shows with my knee-jerk reactions in the coming weeks, but for now, that’s what we’re in for.  Having watched the trailers already, I can tell you that there are some absolute disasters coming down the pike, but also a couple of possible contenders. 

TV Reviews: Scandal

(Bear with me, I actually watched this pilot over a week ago... The finer points might not have stayed in my brain. You know, like people's names and whatnot. Little stuff.)

This is going to be the short short version of my usual reviews. I'm trying to get back to blogging in a more active way, but life keeps preventing me from doing so.

Scandal stars Kerry Washington as a professional "fixer" who takes PR nightmares and makes them go away. She and her team are kind of the crew from Burn Notice, only instead of disarming bombs and getting rid of neighborhood drug dealers, she keeps compromising information out of the press and shuts up whistleblowers. This is a Shonda Rhimes production and aside from a lack of medical acumen, is exactly what you'd expect from Shonda.

Washington plays Olivia Pope, the best of the best, blah blah blah, who doesn't take guff from anyone and dishes it out with zeal. Again, not exactly blazing a new trail here. She's a former aide to the president and apparently used to be involved with him romantically as well. This is one of the many predictable elements of the pilot, but it also bears the most potential for the ongoing series. Having been spurned by her former lover, the most powerful man in the country, she has an axe to grind. This is where the ongoing story arc comes together. Aside from this, I suspect most of the show will be case-of-the-week type stuff which has never been of much interest to me in general.

The basic concept has some real potential even though the pilot itself was pretty bad. From minute one, the show is so hell bent on telling the viewer what complete badasses these people are that it forgets to give them much substance. Furthermore, if a character is actually cool, I don't need to be told. Raylan Givens is as cool as they come. The show didn't need to tell me that, they showed me that. Scandal simply tells the viewer what he or she is supposed to think about these people then hits them over the heads with it for 42 minutes. Yeah, yeah, I get it already! Telling me someone is cool pretty much automatically means I think they aren't which means that Scandal has a lot of work to do. The dialogue was so oppressive and clunky in this regard that is was actually laughable. Even after such a barrage and an A-plot to further convince me, I'm still not buying it. The cast is fine and all, and Desmond from Lost is particularly nice to have around (best part of the show, brother), but I'm still not convinced. I don't believe that Washington really is Olivia Pope. She didn't do a completely horrendous job and in general, she's a fine actress, I just don't think this was the right part for her.  At least not from what I've seen so far.  I don't know. I can see where she could convince me more over time, much like Mary from In Plain Sight did, but after just the pilot, not only do I not like her character, I don't believe in her character.

The supporting cast didn't get much chance to shine in the pilot and were mostly cookie cutter stereotypes that all such TV teams are required to have. We have the socially awkward computer genius, the attractive investigator, the no-holds-barred prickish alpha male, the charming, disarming womanizer, and the mousy new girl who's learning the ropes. Ugh. Speaking of mousy new girl, I realize it's not just Shonda who does this, but when a show so blatantly has a "I'm the new person who will act as the viewer's window into this world" it drives me absolutely crazy. For a writer, it's just a cheap, easy way to dump plot exposition with as little effort as possible. "I know, we'll just have a new person show up who needs everything explained to them a million times! Genius, I say!" Lazy, I say. I am more than happy to pick things up as I go along. I don't need it all explained from minute one, especially with a concept that is as seemingly obvious and straight-forward as this one. The supporting cast all did a decent enough job, I suppose, but honestly there wasn't much to judge. Desmond had the most prominent role and was by far the most likable character on the show, even if he is embodying yet another cliche. The characters are as basic as their inter-dynamics are and although there's certainly room to grow and adapt, the pilot alone didn't leave me desperate for more.

Oddly, the most promising aspect of the show and the most off-putting was Olivia Pope's relationship with the president, played by Tony Goldwyn. On the plus-side, establishing a universe for the show where the characters have such high-level connections opens some interesting doors and ups the stakes considerably. That said, if the writers don't tread lightly, they could easily write themselves into a hell of a corner. Hopefully though, they'll interlace high-level drama with the more story-of-the-week type elements and find a nice balance. While Tony Goldwyn does a very nice job as the president (and Jeff Perry does an even better job as the president's aide), some of his interactions with Olivia elicited an eye roll and a sigh. When they are talking in the oval office (or the like) and he backs her up into the corner, all her former bravado (that I was already having a hard time buying) melts away and she becomes this weak, simpering shell of a woman. Ugh. It was disappointing to say the least and only served to undercut her character in the most hackneyed way possible. It always seems to be the case with female characters. Oh, they can be effective and ballsy in one aspect of their lives, but they have to balance that with a vulnerable, pathetic side as well. I can appreciate that they were trying to give her some depth and layers, but for me and my brother, it just pissed us off. To go from a fiesty bulldog in your professional life to a scared, weak, almost submissive, doe-eyed idiot in your love life isn't depth. It's insult. Seriously, my brother was like, "Please tell me they're kidding." They were not. To the show's/character's credit, she managed to get away from the big strong man before completely compromising her position, but it was already teetering before she started breathily asking (not telling) him, "Please don't..." She seemed to get some backbone back toward the end, but the damage had already been done. When it comes to men, she's impressionable and weak-willed. The scenes from the coming episodes helped bolster my perceptions of her strength and character going forward, but here and now, I'm unimpressed. My brother and I spent pretty much the entire episode wishing that Gina Torres (Zoe from Firefly) were playing the lead role. Gina Torres is a badass. Gina Torres could put Ukranian mobsters in their place in a way I could believe. When it got to the scene with the president, I was like, "Oh man alive, now I really wish Zoe were playing this role. I'd love to see how she'd handle this (i.e. verbal evisceration or a knee to the groin)." To which my brother responded, "Zoe never would have been in this situation." Hear, hear. Kerry Washington is a lovely woman, and a fine actress, but this is just doesn't seem like the role for her (so far).

In terms of the story-of-the-week A-plot, it was predictable to say the least. In fact, at times it was so so obvious that we didn't think they would actually do it, but they did. There were no twists or turns or surprises that hadn't been telegraphed loud and clear at least a dozen times prior. The dialogue was fairly painful and clunky, but I'm hoping that's a product of the newness of the show. Maybe they'll settle in as the series continues? Here's hoping. Based on the potential of the concept, I'll give it another episode or two. There are a lot of shows out there that had terrible pilots and turned into excellent shows. The Vampire Diaries and In Plain Sight, in particular, come to mind. Can Scandal follow their lead? I'm skeptical, but willing to try.

I didn't hate this pilot, but I certainly didn't love it. My brother actively hated it. It has gotten to the point now that whenever a mediocre show comes on, he can't stop himself from saying, "You know, compared to Scandal, this is looking pretty good." I didn't hate it that much, but admittedly, I played Bejeweled during the really painful parts. Which... might mean I actually did hate it as much as he did...

On a final note, my brother and I happened to be discussing the lack of minority representation on TV prior to watching this pilot and while we very much appreciated that they cast an African-American woman as the lead, the cast as a whole is surprisingly white. We got to talking about it because we were noting the number of great characters on TV who are of Indian descent and it underscored to us how woefully underrepresented African-Americans are. What strikes me as odd is that Scandal, which is produced by Shonda Rhimes, an African-American woman who has frequently spoken out on this issue, has nearly as few minority characters as shows produced by a bunch of white guys (i.e. the vast majority of shows out there). Seriously, Scandal has two African-American characters. And that's it. The entire rest of the cast is white, which means the race ratio is nearly 3 to 1 whites to non-whites. Actually, make that whites to African-Americans. From what I recall, there were no other races included either. Now, I'm not saying that just because Shonda is African-American the whole cast should be as well, but I guess I would just expect a non-white writer to be more attuned to the problem and more devoted to representing faces of color on television, like she has with her other shows. Maybe it was a decision based on the politics of DC? Maybe it just kind of happened that way during casting? Whatever the reasons, I applaud Shonda for including casting an African-American as the basis for the show, but I would have liked to have seen (and expected) a bit more diversity throughout the cast.

Anyhow, it was disappointing pilot, but a promising idea. Here's hoping it settles in as the series continues. It has decent bones, and a promising concept, now it just needs to learn how to use them. If they can keep it more on the serialized side of format, I'm willing to forgive quite a lot. If they turn it into more of a procedural, I doubt I'll stick around for long.

So much for the short short version...

Pilot Grade: C-

Dear Smash, Try Harder

Awh, twas but only a few short months ago that I watched the pilot for Smash and declared that I was in love. Turns out, it was one of those crappy junior high crushes that only lasts till the end of Geometry. Sigh. I was in denial at first, having been so delighted by the wonderfully-crafted pilot, but as the episodes wore on, there were only so many excuses I could make for the show and only so many ridicularities (yes, I know it's not a real word) I could excuse.

"Hey, it's only the second episode. Second episodes are tough. It'll get better."
"Okay, so the third episode was a disaster, I hear the fourth is excellent."
"Hey, that episode had slightly more semblance of story and working knowledge of logic to it than the last, so... that's an improvement..."
"The whole episode was a disaster, but it had 80% less Ellis, so... WIN!"

I've finally given up the ghost. Smash is kind of a disaster. Sure it has brief glimmers of potential that flare up every so often, but by and large, it's a train wreck. What I thought would be saved on my DVR till the end of time (or till the DVDs came out, at the very least) is now hastily deleted after each viewing. In my glowing review of the pilot, I proffered that it wasn't akin to Glee in any but the most superficial of ways, but in terms of speed with which I hit "Delete! Please dear god, delete!" after each episode, I'd say they were separated at birth.

Why do I keep watching, you ask? At its core, it really does have a hell of a lot of potential. Quite frankly, it should be very, very easy to make Smash spectacular. Solid concept with built in drama, stellar cast, uncommon and exciting conceit, and a central location where all the characters can very logically get together. Should be a cakewalk. And for writers who actually like TV, I think it would be. My prevailing theory is that the writers of this show think television is a lesser medium that can be slapped together with no effort whatsoever. Well, kiddies, you reap what you sow. My main hope for the show, and one of the main reasons I'm sticking with it, is that the showrunner (Theresa Rebeck) and most of the writing staff is being ousted prior to season 2. It can only get better. This show has problems. Lots and lots of problems and I don't think it would take a genius to identify them. Fixing them is another story, but pointing them out is quite simple.

Let me count the ways:

1) The writers of the show hate TV. Or at the very least, they don't respect it.
As mentioned above, I think this is the biggest problem here. Even before the show aired, concerns were expressed by the team that the general population simply doesn't appreciate Broadway and that Smash might suffer as a result. Well, kiddies, your show isn't exactly helping the cause. The disdain for television as a trash medium runs through the show like an undertow. Every casual mention of Broadway being the best thing in the whole wide world undercuts the medium in which this show exists. That's... a problem. At various points in the show, the theater roots of the writing staff get written right into the script, whether it be Karen and Ivy vying for a humiliating commercial spot or Derek deriding television as a wasteland of forensic science crime procedurals. Don't get me wrong, there are humiliating commercials out there and more than enough unfortunate crime procedurals to go around, but the way it's woven into Smash gives the impression that the theater is the only true bastion of creative expression. Everyone associated with the production of Marilyn is a true genius! A maestro! An embodiment of all things creative and fantastic! I hate to break it to theater, but there's at least as much bad theater out there as there is in any other medium. To place themselves on a pedestal where TV is lesser is not only a fallacy, but a big problem when you're working in television. I guess my feathers just get ruffled when I get this nagging suspicion that the show is trying to teach television how great it could be (you know, if it were more like theatre), but totally sucking at it in the process. It should be noted that I LOVE the theater and think that this show really could have been a lesson to other network shows about how to break out of the box, but so far, Smash is making me want to crawl back inside said box and determine who killed somebody using little more than tri-lobal carpet fibers. (That means they came from a car, by the way. Yeah. I actually know that. Damn CSI.)

2) The show keeps telling me what to think rather than letting the work/art/writing speak for itself.
To be fair, Smash has a taller order than most shows in this regard. The vast majority of cop, lawyer, doctor, comedy sketch, ad executive, what-have-you shows are based around the main characters being the best of the best. The difference is that the general population has no idea whether or not Dr. Benton's surgical skills were really that impressive or if the analysis of that blood sample really makes sense at all. Those shows can tell you their characters are splendorous and the audience can generally suspend disbelief enough to take their word for it. Smash has a much harder job to do. Everyone has a decent perception of what good music and lyrics sound like. Nevertheless, Smash keeps trying to tell me what's what rather than letting me decide for myself. To be honest, the musical numbers are generally the more successful elements of the show. I really did think that baseball number was wonderful. The most brilliant piece of work to have ever existed ever? No. That god-awful rendition of "Touch Me" with the ever-so-inspired-and-original Derek Wills directing Karen to roll around on a bed while prison bars sprang up around her? PAINFULLY BAD. Karen and Ivy as the best two options to play Marilyn? Nope. For as many times as Derek tells me that Karen is spectacular, she needs to show me before I'll believe you. If anything, proclaiming her as such and hoping the audience simply believes you makes me scrutinize her even more. Hell, even things completely unrelated to the music are subject to telling me what to think. Early on in the series when Julia reads her adoption letter to the group, rather than letting me judge its worth, the room immediately deems is the best letter they've ever heard. UGH. Smash, if you're going to make proclamations like that, they better be true. More importantly though, I, as the viewer, have the ability to make such decisions by myself. You don't need to tell me what to think. You need to show me who these people are and what they can do and I'll tell you if it's good. It's the same problem Studio 60 had and it's one of the primary reasons that show failed. For as often as the characters patted each other on the backs and proclaimed themselves to be the wittiest creatures on the planet, the sketches weren't funny. Plain and simple. For the record, I actually quite enjoyed Studio 60 and it was a far better show than Smash, and I still take issue with that fact.

3) The show doesn't earn the big moments because it won't take the time to set them up.
There are a lot of shows out there that can burn through story like nobody's business and make it work. The Vampire Diaries crams more delectable twists and turns into a single episode than most shows do in a whole season. And it works. They delivery story at a breakneck pace AND find the time for powerful character moments that have been building over time. Many shows excel at this. Smash is not one of them. With Smash, it feels like they aren't willing (or able?) to set the scene before telling the story. It's like people who can't tell a joke because they're so over-eager to get to the punchline. Instead of getting a laugh, they get a "huh?" And so it goes with Smash, only they're aren't trying to be funny. Well, not intentionally funny. The primary example here, although there are literally dozens that I could rattle off with absolutely not effort whatsoever, is the Julia/Michael Swift affair. All together now, "UGH." This was a disaster from beginning to end, all of which happened over the course of like, 4 episodes? Seriously? Yep. Here's the thing. This could have worked. It could have been compelling, titillating, erotic, multi-layered, conflicted, and heart-wrenching. Instead, it was non-sensical, insulting, absurd, annoying, and idiotically fleeting. They easily could have set Michael and Julia up exactly as they did: former flings who had had a brief affair 5 years ago. No problem. If they had wanted viewers to actually care about any of this, however, they needed to stop there and rewrite the entire storyline from what they actually did. There are many ways this could have played out successfully. They could have had Michael and Julia thrown together like this and played on the awkwardness of it all at first. They're both in happy, loving relationships and they look back on their former dalliance with mixed feelings of regret and desire. Over the course of the entire first season (at least), they could have been placed in scenarios that poignantly explored their conflicted affection for one another, possibly leading to minor, unintentional infractions that left both feeling embarrassed, but intrigued. The show could have laid the groundwork for Julia's reasons for cheating on her husband 5 years ago and the reasons she would do so again now. Instead, the show opted for blind lust, with absolutely nothing behind it. Hell, even if they had wanted to go with blind lust, that could have worked if they'd rolled it out slowly, letting the sexual tension build over time. Give me a reason to care about these people! Give them enough complexity that I can understand why they're doing this and enough depth that I want to learn more! Ugh. This show simply refuses to take it's time to really lay a solid foundation. Without the groundwork, the stories seem superficial at best and utterly non-sensical/cliched/annoying at worst. Groan. Seriously, at most points during this idiotic affair, I wanted to throw things at the TV. I'm sorry, did he seriously just show up at her house, force his way inside, make nice with her son, then kiss her in plain view of the son's bedroom (which we all saw coming from 6 miles off)?!?! Wait, wait, wait, is he actually threatening to expose the relationship in the middle of rehearsal?? Why is she meeting up with him in her pajamas?? What the hell is this?! And then it was over. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled it was over, but it just made it all the more ridiculous. The list goes on and on and it makes the story arcs fall as flat as a bad joke. You have to earn the big moments. Michael and Julia getting together could have been amazing. Instead, it was cheap and pointless. They didn't earn and I didn't buy it. Or care.

4) Uncomplicated characters in an underdeveloped, unexplored universe.
The concept for this show should be dripping with built-in drama. The very process of putting on a Broadway musical is a stressful, gut-wrenching, exciting, grueling ordeal. All the writers needed to do was develop this universe and then explore the people inside it. Instead, they've opted to have cardboard cut-outs stand in front of a matte painting while a soap opera is read aloud. For a well-built universe, the actual events can be totally minimal, subtle, or nearly non-existent. For Breaking Bad, Justified, Luck, Deadwood, and even Hell on Wheels, you can oftentimes sum up the major plot points of an episode in a blink. Man alive, I'm pretty sure I was 4 episodes into Luck before anything actually happened. And yet, I totally enjoyed it. The writers constructed a world that was so rich, so interesting, and with so many multi-layered characters that something as simple as a conversation between old friends could be completely riveting. Breaking Bad, in particular, has any number of episodes where all that happens is talking. A bunch of old guys sit around a table obliquely talking about meth and I'm glued to the edge of my seat. The characters are so well-defined, so deep, and so interesting that it doesn't matter what they do. It matters. It all matters. With Smash? Well, technically speaking, tons of stuff happens, but none of it matters. These characters are simple. They have simple goals and simple means. I can't dissect the intricacies of their motives because there are none. Or, if there are, they're completely ridiculous. Had the writers fleshed out this universe in a compelling way and simply let some realistic people inhabit that world, it would be gold. As is, I just don't care. Neither the characters nor the world of Broadway is as complex and compelling as they very easily could be. My only thought is that the writers of this show are too accustomed to Broadway musicals and haven't been able to translate to TV. In a musical, you have to have simpler characters and more straight-forward methods as a matter of medium. A musical simply hasn't the time to explore each and every character and doesn't have to format for subtlety. When you have to play to the rafters, you can't have a tiny facial expression say it all. TV is different. It just is. And until the show has writers who can work with this medium, the show will continue to falter.

5) Not to beat the dead horse of shoddy storytelling, but the narrative has no focus, no cohesion, and no consistent ongoing themes.
So, you know, no big. Seriously though, it sometimes feels like the writers are passing half-completed scripts from one to another and not talking about it as a whole. Kinda sounds like Glee, right? Right. The best shows on TV have a focus, a theme, and a plan going forward. Smash feels like they're improvising the next episode based loosely on the previous episode. Great shows do exactly the opposite. They plan out exactly where they're going, at least thematically, and then figure out how to get there step by step. I just watched the season 3 finale of Justified and it all worked. Every single element. This season has been chaotic, intense, complicated, and moving, but it all came together exactly as it should. When writers have a plan, a long-term, season-long (if not series-long) plan, it's a lot harder to write themselves into a corner or fly off the rails. When writers are reactionary, they spiral out of control, lose their focus, forget their underlying themes and end up where Smash already is. I don't think it's too late for Smash to course-correct and rein in the show, but the sooner the better. It's not like the later seasons of Lost where it was just way too late to backtrack. In small defense of Smash, they produced almost all of their first 15-episode season prior to airing. This means that when something didn't end up working for viewers, it was entirely too late to take it back or reshoot it. With that in mind, I think if they can really sit down, figure out a plan for season 2 and lay out more than a couple of episodes in advance, they could make this work. I'm not holding my breath or anything, but a girl can dream. Speaking of, do you remember in the kickass pilot when we were presented with a thrilling tale of the dream for greatness and the cost of success? Yeah, I hardly remember that either. This show is at its best when it takes thematic elements from Marilyn and the musical and applies them to the ongoing narrative. Much the way Buffy took the theme of "high school is hell" and made it a literal part of their actual lives, Smash succeeds when it ties the elements together. Well, usually. Ivy's new dependence on various drugs sort of parallels Marilyn's decent into addiction, but the show isn't willing to go all the way with it. Rather than taking that theme, slowly and subtly chronicling Ivy's path to addiction and desperation, Smash comes across as an afterschool special. Again, much like Glee, it wants to send a message, but rather than letting events speak for themselves, it just tells you how you should feel. It's about as subtle as a punch in the throat. When the show premiered, I thought I was in for a well-woven tale of parallel lives, both current and past, doomed to repeat the past as they look toward the future. That's not what I got...

6) Ellis
That is all.

7) The non-musical musical numbers are a problem. A fairly embarrassing problem.
"Wow. Okay, so that just happened..." That's the phrase that springs to mind every time on of their painfully over-produced, unnatural, illogical non-musical based musical numbers crop up. Again, much more like Glee than any show should ever aspire to be ever. The pilot episode raised my hopes that they'd be able to integrate the musical numbers in an organic way that helped move the story, much like a real musical would. In the pilot, when Ivy and Karen are getting ready for their second auditions and they sing "Let Me Be Your Star", it totally worked. Meaningful, well-sung, and integrated into the storyline seamlessly. That has not been the trend ever since. Now we get awkward songs being sung in Times Square for no apparent or logical reason, a ukelele solo from Julia's husband that should never have seen the light of day, a painfully painful love song by Michael Swift to Julia while waiting for a cab (speaking of the show telling me what to think, when Julia tells Tom about this, he says, "That must have been amazing."--nope), and my personal favorite, the bowling alley. Oh sweet Jesus, that actually happened. If they were going to do that, they should have at least have the common decency to have them sing, "We're Gonna Score Tonight" from the hilariously bad Grease 2 (see below for a clip). Good lord, that would have been less embarrassing... and would have made more sense to the story... Let that sink in for a minute. It should not be this hard to incorporate songs into this kind of a show! Man alive, seriously? What's worse is the over-production. Much like Glee, I can see where they're trying to sell iTunes here and feel like they have to produce a single-worthy version, but I've got news for you, show. The live version would be better. The cast has more than enough vocal talent to sing live. LET THEM SING LIVE. The musical numbers for the musical itself are excellent. If they could translate even part of that to the non-musical musical numbers, the show would be in much better shape. (On a related note, how fabulous was Tom as the fill-in Daryl Zanuck? Love him. Unfortunately heavy-handed love triangle and all.)

The glory of Grease 2:



Sigh. Again, I don't think there's no hope for Smash, but they need to get their act together sooner than later if they want to save such a promising concept before it's too late. I'm hopeful that they overhaul the show over the summer and come back strong. I don't know who the new writing team will be, but if they have even a working knowledge of how television works and how story is structured, it can only get better from here.

I'm going to hang in there till season 2. Based on the last few episodes, it will not be easy, but I think it's a concept that strong enough to hold out hope for. Fingers crossed.

Renewal Prospects: NBC

I'll stop bitching about my multifarious reasons for being so lax with this blog and just get the point. Long story short, apathy is metastatic.

Moving on.

The networks won't make final decisions about which shows will survive and which shows have been crushed under the weight of timeslot competition, incompetent management, and network tomfoolery until the middle of May, but here's how things are shaking down so far. I'm starting with NBC because it's far and away the saddest and sorriest among the big four. It's like eating all the tasteless, cardboardy, multigrainy cereal bits so you can save the marshmallows till last. NBC is in trouble, folks. We all hoped that the removal of Jeff Zucker would revitalize the network, but it's going to be an uphill battle. Having ousted Zucker and his reign of terror, NBC is now comprised largely of Showtime vets who are trying to invigorate the NBC as they had Showtime. Good luck with that. This is network TV and the outlandish, envelope-pushing programming that made Showtime a major player simply has no chance on any of the big four, least of all a network that's already in trouble. Network TV simply imposes too many limits and restrictions to allow for much creativity and programming is suffering as a result. Unique, out of the box thinking is actively punished on network TV and until the new brass at NBC cast off other notions, I think NBC is going to continue to struggle. (Frankly, any network that would shelve my darling Community is going to get a stern talking to from me, but that doesn't mean I'm entirely biased.) Couple that with the fact that the network has pretty much nothing in the way of a strong lead-in for new blood and you've got a recipe for disaster. Er, more disaster. Case in point, of all of NBC's fall pilots, only a vanishingly small number will survive.

Henceforth, on with the cardboardy disappointments...

Wait, quick note: I usually categorize by "how screwed are they?", but this year I'm just going to go alphabetically. These predictions are based on my own system of gauging ratings, network expectations, and a keen, truly absurd understanding of how TV works. I'm not infallible, by any stretch, but most of my predictions are spot on. That said, I've been shocked before and I'll be shocked again. Take these with a grain of salt and if you'd rather wait till May to get definitive answers, hats off to you.

The obvious ones won't get much rhapsodizing, but the tougher calls will require some explanation...

• 30 Rock
  Safe: Will certainly be renewed for next season. Even if the actual quality of the show has been slipping for the past couple of seasons, it's one of NBC's few safe bets.
  
  
• Are You There Chelsea?
  Why no, no she isn't. This one's a goner. Even by NBC's pitifully low standards, she doesn't stand a chance. Basically: Dead.
  
  
• Awake
  Fairly Dead: This one is a little too early to call definitively (they've only had two eps to date), but I don't think it's long for this world. Or the other one. It had a good pilot and an intriguing concept, but it would have been better suited to a mini-series or a movie. I've enjoyed the first two episodes, but don't think it will last. Two eps in and the ratings are in a downward slope that I don't see stopping in time to save the show. I'll be really surprised if it lives. UPDATE: The numbers just came back for episode 3 and they held rock solid with episode 2. Granted there was less competition last night than usual, but that's still impressive. I'm upgrading their condition to: Tough Call.
  
  
• The Biggest Loser
  Safe: Oh, it'll be back all right. And, given what other gems NBC has to work with, I suspect you'll have to endure a solid 17 minutes of beeping and two commercial breaks before the weight is revealed. All to the shocked horror of those who have slow-motioned us into the break.
  
  
• Celebrity Apprentice
  Safe: See above with The Biggest Loser, substitute "beeping" with "bad hair and incompetence." It'll be back for sure. Sadly, sadly.
  
  
• Chuck
  Dead: Finally sloughs off this mortal coil. The series ended back in January after surviving for two seasons too long. God, how I used to love that show. Sad to see what it turned into. Cancellation was the only humane thing to do.
  
  
• Community
  Safe: This might be the fan girl talking, but I'm betting Community will be back for season 4. It's ratings are pretty bad, even for NBC, but I think the network may have realized that that has more to do with the timeslot than anything else. They plopped 30 Rock into that time period and it struggled hardcore as well. The hiatus put us all on edge, but the fact that they never stopped production speaks volumes. At the end of the day, the show is about 1 season away from hitting the golden 100 episodes and I think NBC will let them get there. Once a show hits 100 episodes (usually), it can be sold into syndication. That's a cash prize that NBC won't pass up. The value of selling it into syndication will more than make up for producing one more season of the show. Henceforth, I'm cautious, but optimistic. I may be going out on a bit of a limb, but I'm putting this one in the safe column. Six seasons and a movie! (Community returns this Thursday, March 15th, to much applause.)
  
  
• Free Agents
  Long Dead: This sucker barely made it three episodes before biting the dust. Yet another feather in NBC's cap.
  
  
• Grimm
  Safe: I'm as shocked as you are. As the season began, never did I think a supernatural genre show slated for the Friday night death slot would be one of the very, very few success stories for the network. Given its genre and time period, the show is doing extremely well. Hell, for NBC, its ratings are pretty decent for any time period. To boot, it's actually quite a good show. It's not often that the A-plots keep me entertained, but Grimm does a very nice job. The ongoing story could be a lot stronger and more present, but all in all, it's a solid story-of-the-week kind of show. In all honesty, when it comes to the recent fairy tale trend, I daresay Grimm does a better job than Once Upon a Time. The fact that I quite enjoy Grimm but can barely bring myself to watch Once anymore really says it all. I'll be surprised if it doesn't come back.
  
  
• Harry's Law
  Tough Call: Here's the conundrum. Ratings-wise, this show is an absolute disaster. That said, it was a disaster last year and NBC kept it. All I can think is that NBC likes having a show that gets nominated for something, anything, and wants to hold onto it. I guess the fact that it doesn't actually deserve to get nominated for anything never crossed their minds when handing out pink slips. In my heart of hearts, I think it will be canceled (it's doing even worse in its new time period than its last), but NBC might not have anything else to fall back on. Final prediction: canceled.
  
  
• Law & Order: SVU
  Safe: Network TV never met a crime procedural it didn't like and NBC is no exception. I'm sure this will be back. Again. For what I have to assume is season 38.
  
  
• The Office
  Safe: In spite of the fact that it stopped being consistently funny (or even occasionally funny) several seasons ago, its ratings are among NBC's best. The Office isn't going anywhere, even if the majority of the regular cast is jumping ship as soon as possible.
  
  
• Parenthood
  Pretty Safe: The ratings aren't good, but I think this one will be back for next year. They had a truncated season this year to accommodate a new slate of pilots and because, well, NBC struggles, but I'm confident it'll get renewed. Said new pilots have pretty much fizzled so far, so even though Parenthood's ratings aren't great, they're consistently pretty decent. For a network in complete and total turbulence, moderate, but consistent is more than they can hope for most of the time. The season finale was written so that it could serve as a series finale, but I don't think it needed to. Way to hedge your bets though.
  
  
• Parks & Recreation
  Safe: This show gets used and abused by the network, but it's a quality show with decent ratings (again, by NBC standards). It'll be back.
  
  
• The Playboy Club
  Long Dead: Yet another glittering jewel in NBC's crown, this half-baked farce was on a network with no balls whatsoever... which is kind of a liability when your show is ostensibly about sex.
  
  
• Prime Suspect
  Dead: On another network, in another time, I think this show could have done well. Perhaps on CBS, paired with one of their heavy-hitter crime procedurals, Prime Suspect could have made a real go of it. As is, on NBC, paired with... god, I can't even remember what it was paired with, but I recall it made no sense, it didn't stand a chance. It was actually a pretty good little show and I'm sad to see it end so quickly and ignominiously. Maybe it was the hat's fault... (I liked the hat, but I'm in the distinct minority here.)
  
  
• Smash
  Pretty Safe: Most websites will tell you that it's too early to tell or that it's a tough call, but I think it'll make it. We are legitimately only six episodes in, and the numbers aren't as high as NBC would like, but they're still higher than just about any other show on the network. More importantly, the number seem to have leveled off in the 2.5ish range, and for NBC, I'd say that's more than good enough to grant renewal. Time will tell, but if it stays within a couple of points of that key demo rating, it'll be back.
  
  
• The Firm
  Dead: It may not be official, but this one's a goner. It premiered to some of the lowest numbers any of the big four have ever seen for a primetime drama and it only went down from there. I'd be positively shocked if this got renewed. From where I'm sitting, it's already dead.
  
  
• Up All Night
  Safe: It's one of their better-performing shows and it's a half-hour sitcom. Barring some sort of ratings disaster, it should be just fine. The fact that they ordered extra episodes this season also bodes well for next season.
  
  
• The Voice
  SAFE: This is far and away NBC's best performer on any night, in any time period, in any genre. It's really the only show keeping the network afloat, so it will definitely be back, and, if NBC can find a way, will be even longer than it is now.
  
  
• Whitney
  Fairly Dead: I can see where some genius at NBC might think keeping this show is a good idea, but I doubt it. Its ratings have been in free-fall since the pilot and the critical backlash doesn't help. It might eek out a renewal, but I'm putting my prediction safely in the canceled camp.
  

That's all she wrote, folks. From where I'm sitting, the only shows new shows that will live to see a second are Smash and Grimm. Grimm indeed...

TV Review: Smash

In short, I'm in love.

I watched the pilot for Smash (free on iTunes), NBC's latest attempt at dragging the network out of the gutter, and I have to admit, it's also their greatest attempt. While past Hail Mary passes have died ignominious deaths at the hands of the network that was, Smash is far and away their best effort and has the best chance of subverting my expectations for the network.

I should start off with a full disclosure of biases. The premise for this show is pretty much tailor-made for me and my artistic sensibilities. I'm a sucker for serialized dramas, musicals, dance, Broadway, and Jack Davenport. Honestly, it could have been half as good and I'd still be giddy with anticipation for more and clutching my pearls that NBC will blow it. Again. Unhealthy love of musicals aside, I've never been a fan of Marilyn Monroe or her brainless cupie doll routine, at all, so in my own particular brand of flamboyant mathematics, I think my biases may have cancelled each other out. As such, prepare yourselves for a completely unprejudiced and unconflicted review. Huzahh!

A lot of television viewers and critics have been quick with the snap judgments about Smash, assuming it was NBC's attempt at a Glee-style hit, but rest assured, rather than a derivative knock-off of a show that has spun into a full disaster, Smash is everything Glee wishes it could be, but isn't. Rather than setting up a faulty framework whereby actors can sing a million song covers that are vaguely adjacent to whatever contrived moment it happening on air, Smash embraces the ages-old theatrical conceit of a show within a show and makes it sparkle. Yeah, yeah, they're both shows with songs and... no, actually, that's about where the comparisons stop. Watching Smash didn't at all feel like watching some iteration of Glee, and if you've watched Glee over the past two seasons, you know there's no possible way that isn't a compliment.

Smash tells the story of the making of a musical about the life of Marilyn Monroe, using the songs within the musical that is being writing as the primary songs for the show. It forges a compelling blend between the real world and the stage adaptation in much the way the film adaptation of Chicago did (I kinda want to say that Rob Marshall is involved with this show somehow, but don't quote me on that), shifting from reality to fantasy from breath to breath. Other songs elucidate character moments and plot developments as well, but it all blends together nicely and doesn't feel like, "Awh hell, it's been 7 minutes, we have to put another song in no matter how much it doesn't fit." The musical numbers were all completely organic to the story and felt like, well... like I was watching a good musical. For those of you out there who've seen good ones and bad ones, you know what I mean. In the best musicals, the songs simply flow through the narrative like all other storytelling elements. In a bad musical, well, you can feel the number coming from a mile away and can't believe you have to sit through an entire song about postage stamps. It helps that Smash has a hell of a pedigree going into it, not only with an amazing cast of onscreen talent, but actual Broadway writers and choreographers working behind the scenes. These people know how to put on a show and I know how to sit on the edge of my seat clapping my hands together and grinning.

Katharine McPhee stars as Karen Cartwright, budding ingenue and corn-fed Iowan who dreams of making it on Broadway. With her primary credit being "former American Idol contestant," I was understandably concerned about her ability to carry a series. Her acting resume is pretty slim, but at the end of the day, she did a really lovely job, allowing her inexperience to make her performance better, not worse. McPhee is green and unpolished, but so is the character she plays. The very quality that makes her an appealing and refreshing choice as Marilyn makes her an appealing actress overall. Every slightly awkward moment comes off as genuine and disarming. I wouldn't say that every second was a home run, but I found that I connected with her character instantly and found myself rooting for her from the get-go.

By intentional contrast, Karen's rival in the race for the lead is a Broadway veteran named Ivy, and is played by Megan Hilty. Maybe it's humanity's knee-jerk sympathy for the underdog, but neither I, nor the producers of the show within the show were as drawn to her as they are to Karen. She actually did a very nice job embodying Marilyn and she's a force to be reckoned with onstage, but there was something forced and almost disingenuous about her portrayal. Whether this is chalked up to the actress, the character design, or both, is anyone's guess, but it made for a noteworthy juxtaposition. I assume she'll grow on my over time, but as is, one of my very few quibbles with the show was that McPhee's character is so obviously the star of the show (although after talking to Annie, it seems some people were more divided than I). Maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine any universe in which she doesn't get the lead role. It appears that the bulk of the first season will focus on the contest for the role of Marilyn, so unless they flesh out Ivy in more substantial ways, I think the winner is a bit of a foregone conclusion. I think the reason I struggled with Ivy is that she went whole-hog with the Betty Boop Marilyn persona that I've long despised. McPhee's character gave Marilyn an actual personality, a heart, a brain, (da noive?) and my attention. She made her more than the dingbat, and that instantly wins her a lot of points.

The two leads do a very nice job, but it's the rest of the cast that really brings it together and creates the world of the show. The cast is replete with heavy-hitters like Angelica Huston, Debra Messing, and of course, my darling Jack Davenport who steals the show. Okay, I may be a bit biased, as mentioned above, but I think most viewers will find his prickly, sexy, brilliant director Derek Wills as delightful as I do. There are truly no serious weak links in the cast at all and I found myself believing the characters instantly and investing in them. To see the contrast between the two young women, pursuing their dreams in the face of parental opposition or apathy and the profession veterans who've seen a million girls just like them feels authentic and meaningful. We theatre buffs have seen this conceit before, to be sure, but there's a reason writers keep tapping that well. It's utterly compelling and unbearably brutal to watch. I've seen it a dozen times and yet I get sucked in every single time.

Indeed, the few weaker points to the pilot were some of the more staid story elements. While the performances made some of the more predictable plot points work, they were predictable nonetheless. As the season progresses, I'm hopeful the writers will play with expectations and take more narrative chances, but even if they don't, it all still works. More surprises would simply be icing on the cake. In terms of the smaller story elements, there were a few moments where the writers were clearly aiming for heart and depth, but slid into schmaltz instead. I'm not overly concerned here. Once the show really finds its feet, I'm confident these more heavy-handed beats will dissipate as the characters become fully formed. I realize that Ellis' monologue about his love of the theatre and Ivy's would-be heartbreaking phonecall to her apathetic mother were important character points, but this early on, they fell a bit flat. Those were the two primary instances in the pilot that didn't ring true for me and felt forced. The fact that these two moments came from the two characters I connected to the least is no coincidence, methinks.

Minor quibbles aside, the show really worked. The chemistry between all the actors made even the weaker beats worth ignoring. In particular, McPhee and Davenport sizzle onscreen. This is, of course, intentional, and it's a good thing it worked because the show would be far less without it. The story of an aspiring starlet facing the prospect of having to sleep with the director to get the gig is well-worn and familiar, but again, the actors make it feel fresh. Jack Davenport can do no wrong, really. His real strong-suit is the subtlety he brings to the story in the smaller moments. The look on his face and glint in his eye when McPhee performs for the first time had me sold on him as a character and on her as the lead. How that will all shake out in the long run, especially in light of the entirely too revelatory "this season on Smash" highlight reel, will be interesting to watch, even if not completely surprising. That said, the fact that Tom, one of the writers of the musical, and Derek, the director, hate each other (or at least feel a certain rivalry) will make the whole process twistier and murkier in all the best ways. Does Tom want Ivy for the lead because he thinks she's best for the part or because it's clear that Derek favors Karen? Will his loyalties to Ivy win out? Will Derek's bravado overpower him? When push comes to shove, who carries more weight in the decision? I kinda can't wait to find out.

All in all, this was an easy show for me to enjoy. My threshold for musicals is pretty low in general, but even if I weren't such a fan of the genre, I think there would be a lot to love about Smash. Was it perfect? No. Did I care that it wasn't perfect? No. The glitzy production numbers (I've watched the baseball number about half a dozen times now), Broadway caliber singing and dancing (was that Alex Wong I spied in the rehearsal for said baseball number? why yes, I think it was), fine acting, and wonderful cast were enough for me to casually ignore the flaws. Most musicals have issues, let's be honest, but if I can walk away with a smile on my face and a song stuck in my head, I really can't complain. In the end, I find that I'm more excited about this show than I have been about any other pilot this year. Whether or not it'll sink or swim is anyone's guess, but in terms of network TV in general, NBC might just sink or swim right along with it.

No pressure or anything.

The fact that it's on NBC is actually quite the double-edged sword in terms of it's prospects. On the one hand, NBC has hardly a feather in its cap these days and hasn't launched a huge hit since The Office. When there aren't any solid lead-ins to help with new start-ups, it's much more difficult to find traction with viewers. On the other hand, NBC's standards for "good ratings" have gotten so low that shows have to be complete, total, and utter flops to get cancelled. What this means for Smash is yet to be seen, but the good news is that I think it will do at least well enough that NBC will keep it around for a while. They can't really afford for it to flop... In my heart of hearts though, I think it will do well, NBC notwithstanding.

Pilot Grade: A-

TV Review: Alcatraz

When the fall slate of shows was announced, I was pretty underwhelmed, finding a lot more to salivate over for midseason than for September. That's still mostly true, what with Revenge being the only real new love of my life, but in fall's defense, midseason is losing a bit of its luster as well.

When I first heard that JJ Abrams had a new show about prisoners disappearing from Alcatraz prison in 1963 then resurfacing 50 years later to cause mayhem and whatnot, I was pretty excited. JJ has a pretty good track record (Undercovers notwithstanding) and although Lost eventually devolved into a total mess, that was long after JJ's involvement had ended. It was with this pedigree that I happily looked forward to Alcatraz as, I hoped, my new obsession, bringing a glisten and cache to midseason that we'd never seen before.


Yeah, not so much.

Awh, best laid plans. Yeah, I think with Alcatraz we have a tragic case of a great, high concept idea that's been weighted down by network TV. What could have been a gripping serial drama full of mystery and intrigue has been revised and diluted into a standard network crime procedural. Ugh. It wasn't a total disaster or anything, and I really do think it has potential, but at the end of the day, it appears to be way more baddie-of-the-week than I expected. In my book, I'll take a decent serial over a good procedural any day of the week, so such a realization was quite a letdown.

The basic gist of the show is interesting and different. When Alcatraz prison closed in 1963, the prisoners were supposedly transferred to other prisons. In the show's mythology, however, they were taken by unknown forces for unknown reasons. In present day San Francisco, these long-forgotten prisoners are resurfacing, having hardly aged a day, with vengeance on their minds and mysterious puppet master pulling the strings. Interesting, right?! Wow, that sounds like a hell of a concept for show! That's something I've never really seen before! I can hardly wait for the awesome web of awesomeness to unfold before me!!

In actuality, the base mythos for the show's conceit acted merely as a framework for a quirky buddy cop crime procedural. Yeah, that's the exact opposite of what I was hoping for. That said, even that could have really come together in fabulous ways. It didn't. Problemo numero uno? Sarah Jones. Good lord, you've got to be kidding me. When I first heard she'd been cast as the female lead, my expectations for the show diminished by half. Quite rightly, I was disappointed to find. Sometimes I really hate being right. Jones plays Rebecca Madsen, a tough, no-nonsense detective who rose through the ranks at a young age, having learned everything she knows about detectiving from her father. Okay, seriously? How many times do I have to see this character? Your show is about ghosts from Alcatraz wreaking havoc and yet you couldn't come up with something more original than that for your primary character? Such laziness does not bode well for the show as a whole. But, again, even such a hackneyed character model can work when placed in the right hands. Sarah Jones' hands ain't them.

In truth, I've only ever seen her on a few episodes of Sons of Anarchy and an episode of Justified. I wasn't particularly impressed by either, but all in all, she did a serviceable job with the roles she was given (that of the daughter of a white supremacist and very pregnant Kentucky prisoner, respectively). While she managed okay with those, at no time did I think to myself, "You know, she's make a hell of a supernatural detective." I was hoping I'd be wrong, but no. She was terrible. Not for one second did I believe she was a police officer of any stripe, let alone a badass detective who chases down bad guys. First of all, she's not old enough to be a detective. But, then again, no one on these shows ever is. The real problem is that she looks about 14. The flippy blond bob and matronly shape did not help. To boot, her manner, her demeanor, the way she carried herself, everything, struck me more as any random woman at a grocery store than as a ballbusting maverick. With a capable actress, her appearance wouldn't have mattered, but Jones couldn't sell the part even if she looked it, so to not look the either was the death knell. She commanded no authority and at no time did I feel she was actually capable of much of anything. She truly brought nothing to the table and left the audience with a bland, forgettable performance. Seriously, if I had to think of 5 words to describe who she is a as a person, I doubt I could get to 3 before giving up and saying things like, "Uh... punctual? And, um... loves Eggos?" for personality traits 4 and 5. A great actor can make even the weakest of material sing. Alcatraz has problems, but it's by no means the "weakest of material," and yet she still failed. The first outing for the show consisted of the pilot and second episode, of which she was front and center and yet I'm still left with nothing but cliches to hold onto. Maybe that's why they stuck to the cliches... they realized she couldn't bring anything special, so they just put a cookie-cutter out there and hoped the audience would fill in all the blanks. Man, I think back to the Veronica Mars pilot. With Kristen Bell as the lead, I left the pilot knowing who she was, how she operated, and most importantly, that I liked her and wanted to know more. Sarah Jones is not half so capable, and Alcatraz suffered as a result. Honestly, with another actress at the helm, I'd probably being singing the show's praises. As is, I'm left wondering what idiot thought she could anchor a show.

Jones was the real problem here, but honestly, the rest of the cast wasn't given much to work with. Hurley is playing Hurley. Straight up. Even his quips and turns of phrase are the same. His manner, tone, reactions, everything. Don't get me wrong, I love Hurley, but I already know Hurley. He's as warm and convivial as ever, having a lovable chemistry with just about everyone. Having never seen him in anything besides Lost, I can't vouch for his range, but I would have loved to have seen him given something a little different. In this, I'm met with a female cop stereotype and a character I already know. On the one hand, it grounded the show in familiarity, but on the other hand, it grounded the show in familiarity. I'm always looking for something new, and when I run across a ballsy high-concept, I expect it to follow through in all aspects, not just the background conceit.

Sam Neill and Parminder Nagra round out the supporting cast and are both fine, but I kept feeling like they were being wasted in favor of watching Jones awkwardly run after criminals. I'm hopeful the writers will realize what they've got on their hands and shift the focus, but as is, they provided the mysterious people behind the curtain, the bosses, the ones in the know, but didn't get to show much of it. Here's hoping for more. The end of the second episode opened a lot of possibilities for Nagra and I'm hoping they make the most of them. That she, apparently, hasn't aged either, existing in flashbacks and modern day, is genuinely intriguing and automatically makes her character far more interesting than the actual leads of the show. It also helps explain how she could have been shot straight through the heart with a huge rifle and managed to survive. I just hope they actually have a plan for the long term and figured out their own mythology before jumping int with both feet. As with Lost before it, I'd hate to see "the island is magical" become a common refrain for this show... (I just barely finished Lost and can I tell ya? Majorly disappointing. That whole last season was a snooze. I had three eps to go and I simply didn't care. Finally watched said eps, and still didn't care. Ugh.)

While the show definitely has some procedural elements to it, what with a ghost from the past seemingly being tracked down week-to-week and pairing between a cop and an unconventional partner, but its ongoing story seems to hold together better than most. I expected the prisoner in the first episode to be a one-off, but it appears that they'll be making appearances for the long run. This gives me hope for the series. With the leads being as lackluster as they are, I found myself instantly more interested in the prisoners, wanting to learn more about their stories, their histories, and their personalities than in Jones or Hurley. For the one-off characters to outshine the stars is a very bad sign, but the underpinnings of the show allow for a more serial arc than expected. I really hope the writers make the most of that and eschew standard procedural elements for something much deeper than they've given us so far. The mysteries they've laid out are genuinely compelling, but having been burnt so many times before, and by several of the same people, I'm reluctant to trust the writers to payoff their setups. Seriously, is it worth feverishly discussing the many possibilities if you can't be sure the writers themselves have figured anything out? Ultimately, probably not. Lost raised so many questions and opted to answer them poorly or not at all that viewers felt cheated. If you're ever looking for a good time, play the "Wait, how did that happen? Uh, the island..." drinking game. You'll be soused in no time. I'm more than a little concerned that this will be the same situation, slightly different island.

The show isn't without hope, but I'm proceeding with extreme caution and prejudice. I doubt I'll ever learn to love the bad acting and personality-lessness of the lead actress, but I'd like to think there's enough here that they could make it work. There are a lot of logistical elements of the story that I think will prove problematic for the writers down the road, but I'm crossing my fingers that they have a plan this time (having seen what a disaster not having a plan proved to be with Lost). At the end of the day, I didn't hate it, but I certainly didn't love it either. My brother and I spent the whole time wishing it were written by Joss Whedon and starring... almost any other actress out there. Gina Torres was our top pick, but there's a bag of potatoes in my kitchen that's on the short list for the job (what with Jones being their competition). Even if the project ultimately falls to pieces, JJ can usually put together a hell of a pilot. With Alcatraz? Not even close. There are a number of amazing shows out there that had bad or mediocre pilots, but JJ's trajectory is almost always in the other direction. That does not bode well for Alcatraz.

I like to think that in its original iteration, Alcatraz was as badass as it should be and that it was the network that tied their hands and foisted mass appeal on them in the form of a crime procedural. Whatever the cause, that's far and away the show's weakest story element. It's weakest overall element, of course is the cast. Wow. I'm hoping the show starts to gel into more of a serial as they go along and that the overarching storylines take over as the season progresses. The concept of Madsen's grandfather being one of the prisoners who has come back, although hokey and predicable, opens some interesting doors as well. In a perfect world, the show would use the first few episodes to build a bit of an army of prisoners from Alcatraz and then stop having the baddie of the week elements for the most part. I realize that's probably not going to happen, but a girl can dream. Hey, they have middle America to appeal to, dontcha know, and they can't be confusing them with actual storytelling. Ugh.

Again, it wasn't a total disaster and it does have some things going for it. I just wish I'd gotten to see more of those things in the pilot. I also wish so many of those things weren't the same things Lost had (hell, even the music sounds exactly the same). As is, most of the show's assets are theoretical. In my mind, they have a lot of a good stuff to work with. On the screen, much less so. The production values are high and show is well-made, even if the talent onscreen and offscreen leaves a bit to be desired. Hopefully they'll settle into their roles and be more at home with who they're supposed to be... or, you know, Sarah Jones could get hit by a bus. One or the other, really. I'll give it a few more episodes to find its feet and establish itself, but after two episodes, I'm left with a "meh." And... more than a few unintentional laughs... My brother and I really had a field day with this one. They just made it too easy.

Pilot Grade: C+

TVD: Klausoline?

It's a rare show that can pull the rug out from under me, but The Vampire Diaries succeeds in spades. Sure, some of the more typical A-plot elements are telegraphed in advance and are easy to construct a probable path for, but it's the little things that they set up that I never saw coming (or never knew I wanted to see coming) that mean the most. In last night's foray (episode 3.11, "Our Town"), an excellent episode all around, the best and most intriguing development wasn't Elena's harrowing near death/near vamp thrillride with Stefan, it wasn't Stefan's casual assassinations of Klaus' hybrids, and it wasn't even the dead body at the end (jesus, this town has enough to worry about without actual humans killing people). No, the most compelling moment was a two minute scene with one of the unlikeliest pairings imaginable.

Not only did the tone and substance of Klaus and Caroline's conversation surprise me, but the implications thereof bowled me over. For as much as I enjoy the love triangle relationshippy stuff with this show, it's never been the primary reason for watching for me. It still isn't, but the writers keep finding more and more ways to make the inter-personal dynamics layered and intriguing, while generally shying away from the more tween-style romances. Sure there are elements here and there, but TVD always gives it something more. For example, a few episodes back, when Elena tells Damon that Stefan won't come back because he loves her, but because he loves Damon, the audience believes it. At its core, this show is about family and the writers keep finding more and more ways to explore that notion and punch you in the gut with it (in a good way). Klaus' emphasis on his family has been an overweening motivation since the middle of last season and has come to a head with Stefan's current casket-thievin' shenanigans. While Klaus has generally been painted as the uber-villain/the ultimate big bad, the show gives him moments of vulnerability that elucidate who he really is as a person. Though few and far between, their infrequency makes them really hit home. Our first glimmer of his long-suppressed humanity came with flashbacks to his human life and his reactions to his then current situation with his father, sister, and brother. In terms of Klaus' interactions with the citizens of Mystic Falls, his emotional range has been mostly limited to rage, vindictiveness, and frustration. Until now.

That beautiful scene between Klaus and Caroline took me completely by surprise, but didn't feel forced or inconsistent at all. THAT is the hallmark of good writing. I never saw this coming, but now that it's here, it makes perfect sense. Beyond that, it's insanely awesome. I honestly had no idea what to expect when Klaus came to Caroline's door, intent on who-know-what. My initial thought was that he was most concerned with gaining an invitation into the house (but do originals need an invitation? I don't think so...), and then he'd bargain with the key players, twisting the knife until he was willing to save her (from the bite we all knew Tyler would impart). What I was met with, quite to the contrary, was an unexpectedly sweet, poignant, almost yearning discourse between two characters who've had only limited interaction thus far. Caroline's still-living, still-human friends tried their best to cheer her up on her birthday, but the life she had that had birthdays in it no longer exists. While Elena, Matt McCArdboard, and Bonnie von Needstodiesoon helped her mourn her old life, it was Klaus who really opened her eyes to the possibilities of her new life. "You can see the world, do everything you've ever dreamed. You can have a thousand birthdays." To hear Klaus, who understands what she's going through in a way that her human-friends can't, espouse the wonders of eternal life gave Caroline a new lease. For the first time in a long time, Caroline could relate. While Damon would never admit to his humanity or his occasional urges to let it all go and die the true death, Klaus cops to conflicted feelings about the whole situation. He tells Caroline he's considered dying a number of times over the centuries and knows exactly what she's thinking. Sometimes, when you feel all alone, there is nothing more comforting that someone knowing what you're going through and telling you it'll be all right. This episode was about moving on, about letting go of who you were and embracing who you are, and only Klaus could make Caroline see that.

Beyond what Klaus actually said, it was the way he said it that really hit home. No longer the mustache-twirling Evil League of Evil founding father, Klaus' interactions with Caroline was unbelievably soft and caring. It was as though he was tending to a sick loved one. Klaus has expressed his almost obsessive love for his family in a number of ways, but never before have we seen him interact with anyone in this way before. As it was happening, it not only gave Klaus a whole new layer to explore, but it made him sympathetic to the audience in a way I hardly thought possible. The fact that he saved Caroline's life, specifically, is important. She is inconsequential to his plans (as far as we know). Not only that, but she's been beat up and brutalized more than probably any other character, even Elena. I adore Caroline. Everyone does. And anyone who makes her see that her new life is one worth living, saves her life, and makes it all okay wins about a million points in my book. In a way, it's kind of like Jesse on Breaking Bad. He's so wonderful, and so mistreated, that I find my allegiances switching to whoever is treating him well at the moment. So let it be with Caroline.

Above and beyond all of that, that scene opened doors that I never would have thought could be opened and never knew I wanted them to be. I had never even considered a Klaus and Caroline pairing (whether romantic or not), but as I was watching that scene, not only did such a prospect totally work with the narrative, but it appealed to me on a number of levels. As I started to think about a relationship between the two, it struck me. Awesome. Simply awesome. I don't know how this will manifest or even whether Klaus' intentions are genuine (if this is all a big game, that would be amazing yet devastating), but I'm so, so intrigued to see it. That he saved her life was compelling enough, but that he gave her a beautiful bracelet (necklace?) for her birthday added that little something extra. Again, I could see where, eventually, this is an elaborate scheme to turn her against her friends (hell, that bracelet could be spelled or something), but I could see it going the other way entirely. Klaus is desperate for connection to people. Desperate for family. Desperate for love. He's been loathed and rejected his whole life and I can totally see where he'd find himself fancying someone as kickass as Caroline. The fact that she probably reminds him of Rebekah to a degree makes it all the more plausible. He just staked his one ally and now he's truly all alone. Could this be a scheme? Could this be genuine? Could this be both? I can't wait to find out.

In all honesty, the prospect of them as a romantic pairing is pretty fabulous. The thought of Caroline becoming a big bad in her own right is even more fabulous. Caroline got about 800 times better after becoming a vampire, so who knows how awesome she could become if she were a bad vampire. Hell, it did wonders for Stefan. This show burns through story faster than any other show on the air, and I keep thinking they'll run out of road, but they just keep building more and better highways to cruise down. Klausoline may be the best yet. I never even would have thought of them as a potential pairing before last night. Now, that's all I can think of.

This season has been about personal transformation and change. Stefan lost his soul (or did he?), Damon bared his, and Elena went from being a whiny damsel to actually pretty badass. Add Klaus and Caroline to that list. All these characters (and others as well) are on a journey of self-discovery and identity. Last night may have hit hardest with Klaus and Caroline, but a close second was Elena. I loved that scene at the end on the bridge. Caroline finally said goodbye to her old life and Elena is trying to follow suit. She doesn't have to be "that girl" anymore. She has taken charge of her own destiny in a way I never would have expected in the first two seasons. It's incredibly refreshing and makes me like her about 50 times more. In previous seasons, I've always kind of thought Damon could do a lot better. Now, Elena is finally becoming the person I always wanted her to be. Just in time to give up on vampires and Damon altogether. I think that kiss last week, a real kiss, rocked Elena to the core. I think she loves Damon more than she'd ever admit, but in her mind, that kiss was step one down the vampire-werewolf-doppelganger-hybrid rabbit hole and made her re-evalutate her feelings entirely. Meeting Stefan was the beginning of Mystic Falls' dubious honor of murderiest town on the planet, and in a number of ways, she can't imagine going down that road again. No matter how much she loves him. She's been loving blindly and entirely for year now and it's gotten about 13,870 people killed. I can see where that might cause someone to take pause... especially after her last vampire boyfriend just almost drove her off a bridge...

I'm not sure where we're headed from here, but I can't wait to find out. Although I can absolutely see where Elena would want to separate herself from all of this, the final scene with her and Matt opened a door that I wish would have stayed closed. Matt has always been a block of wood and the prospect of a rekindled romance doesn't excite me. But, I'm confident the show will make whatever happens as awesome as possible. Bring it.

Stray Observations:

• Jeremy needed some time off, that's for sure. It is very much to this show's credit that they realized he didn't have much to do and sent him on his way. I actually like Jeremy quite a lot, and they did a fabulous job of sending him off on a high note (ensuring we'll be happy to see him when he returns), but sometimes a character just isn't necessary. This show is very willing to kill off characters, but they know how to work around it as well.
• In that same vein, I love how if a character isn't needed in an episode, he/she simply isn't in the episode. True Blood could definitely take a page here. TVD's storytelling is tight and efficient and they know how to use their resources wisely. There are very few (if any, really) throwaway plotlines and it's very much appreciated.
• "Hey Jeremy, your suitcase looks a little light. How about you take some extra baggage in the form of the most annoying, sanctimonious, holier-than-thou witch in town?" Bonnie needs to go. Look, this show needs a witch. I grant that. But does it have to be her? She's not even a very good witch! Seriously, when lighting birthday candles takes that much effort, what good are you? What's worse, your friends, who've seen basically all manor of supernatural everything, were actually impressed by your candle-lighting ability. Come to think of it, for someone as inept as she, that was kinda spectacular...
• The Klaus and Caroline dynamic, whether potentially romantic, conspiratorial, or both, is intriguing enough on its own, but then throw Tyler and his sire-bond in the mix and things get even more twisted and fabulous. Can't wait to see how that turns out.
• Meredith Fell: "Some English guy just promised to match all the donations made tonight."
  Alaric: "Wait, what do you mean English guy?"
  (Ummm... a guy who's from England?)
• The woman who plays Dr. Fell is actually married to Paul Wesley in real life. TVD fun fact.
• Alaric: "Wait, you mean you actually care who lives or dies?"
  Damon: "I have a short list."
  ("Have you seen my list? It's a piece of paper that says 'Elena' on it.")
• Caroline: "Are you going to kill me?"
  Klaus: "Not on your birthday."
  (I loved how Klaus seemed genuinely offended that Caroline would imply he might kill someone on their birthday. Hehe. We all have a line we won't cross, even the baddest of the bads. Klaus' line is apparently covered in frosting.)
• Even though it appears that Elena may be moving toward living boyfriends, her sexual chemistry with Damon is scorching. Seriously, it becomes more and more apparent with each passing episode that Ian and Nina are a couple.
• I love that in Mystic Falls, vampires, werewolves, witches, and hybrids are par for the course in terms of murder, but a regular guy? THAT's the surprise. The fact that it looks like it could have been Alaric makes it the real cliffhanger (although I seriously doubt it was him... more like Meredith, methinks, but really, who the hell knows).