Pick-Ups and Early Deaths

The annual upfronts (where networks unveil their fall line-ups, including which shows have been granted another season and which have been cancelled) aren't until May, but the networks have already picked-up certain shows and axed others. Here's how things are shaping up so far (and please remember that this list is still very preliminary and most shows aren't going to be listed just yet).

EARLY PICK-UPS

• 30 Rock
• The Office
• The Biggest Loser
• Greek
• Lincoln Heights
• Leverage
• Raising the Bar
• Big Love
• The Secret Life of the American Teenager
• The United States of Tara
• Rescue Me
• Army Wives
• Smallville
• Gossip Girl
• 90210
• America's Next Top Model
• One Tree Hill (oh, just let it DIE already!)
• Supernatural
• The Simpsons (greenlit for 2 more disappointing seasons)
• Survivor
• The Mentalist (hasn't been officially picked up, but it will be)

CANCELLATIONS

• Swingtown
• Prison Break
• Kyle XY
• The Starter Wife
• The Middleman

The rest of the shows out there have yet to receive final word on whether or not they'll be returning next season, but I'll keep you posted on developments as they become available. There are, of course, shows out there like CSI, Lost, and House that will certainly get picked up for next season, but we all knew that a long time ago, so it's not really the focus of much gossip. Here are some shows I'll be keeping an eye on, however. Their fates are far less certain...

ON THE BUBBLE

• Life (The ratings are decent, but not spectacular. As much as I enjoy this show, it's not as good as it once was and I think I'd be able to survive without it. Stupid Sarah Shahi went and got knocked up, so that's going to seriously screw over the show's writers. Moron. She should have been fired on the spot.)
• Heroes (It will likely get picked up, but the mere fact that it's in question is a bad sign for the series--glad I dumped his ass when I had the chance.)
• Eleventh Hour (The ratings are actually really good, but CBS still doesn't seem to be backing the show entirely. I think it'll survive, but it could be close.)
• Chuck (Oh, my darling Chuck. Such a good, fun, easy show to watch, but the ratings just aren't there and I don't think NBC is smart enough to realize that that's becuse they have it in the WORST TIMESLOT IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION. The Monday night log-jam might just claim another victim...)
• Priveleged (didn't get picked up with the other CW shows...not a good sign)
• Reaper (ditto)
• Lipstick Jungle (that somehow clawed its way out of the depths of hell to be a possibility again)
• Knight Rider (which, if there's any justice in the world, will be canned very VERY soon)
• Kath and Kim (see notes at: Knight Rider)
• Terminator (will likely be terminated)
• Dollhouse (knowing Fox, it won't survive... which is a real shame, because it's shaping up to be a great show. Damn network...)
• Lie to Me (will likely get picked up--it's a pretty crappy show, but people like pretty crappy shows, it seems)

Holding Out for a Helo

So, because the stupid Fox network believed that people would rather watch a press conference about a dead guy that no one liked than Dollhouse, I only just saw episode 1.2 "The Target" on Hulu tonight. The fact that the episode was kinda, sorta awesome made the fact that they pre-empted it on Friday all the more annoying... You're on my list, Fox network. Although you should be used to it given that you've had a permanent position on the list since the Firefly debacle... (Have you seen my list? It's a piece of paper that says "Fox network" on it?)

I digress. The important thing about the second episode of Dollhouse is that it was vastly better than the pilot and has made me totally invest in the show. The pilot alone gave me some doubts about how well everything would play out, but this episode helped allay some fears, clear up some confusion, and kinda kick ass.

I thought the pacing of "The Target" was one of the elements that was most improved. The storylines all interlaced effortlessly and the A-plot, B-plot, and C-plot were all engaging. I was initially concerned that the A-plot (Echo's mission week-to-week) wouldn't be enough to suck me in, but with this episode, the A-plot was not only exciting and interesting, but it also played a pivotal role in the overarching story arc, which is almost invariably the case for well-written, successful plotlines. It wasn't just that Echo was being hunted by some psycho for this week's assignment and then next week none of it matters. The guy who hunted her turns out to be a total mystery that will affect future episodes in considerable ways and the trial Echo endures running for her life helps trigger her memories. Between the emotional trauma of being hunted and the chemical/poison/drug she ingested, the writers used the A-plot to orchestrate key elements of the B and C plots by giving Echo her memory back. We still don't know to what extent she remembers her past (if she only remembers the most recent assignment, past assignments, etc.), and that makes it all the more intriguing. She appears to remember her latest mission entirely (with the final second of the episode informing the viewer that that is the case with a well-crafted image of Echo referencing what just happened to her) and she also appears to remember the incidents that happened 3 months ago while she was in a doll state. The hallucinations she has while running for her life and her interactions with her handler suggest that she is starting to remember parts of her past life and forget parts of her current one. I wasn't sure I would be able to care about a character who was a totally different person week-to-week, but now, at the end of only the second episode, Echo has some consistent personality traits and I'm totally invested. Well done, show.

Oh, and speaking of 3 months ago, introducing the character Alpha (well, introducing the concept of Alpha, at this point) was an excellent move. Joss does a great job creating an entire world with a full history when he dreams up a new show. The overarching storylines won't be restricted to Helo's search for the Dollhouse and Echo's memories. The Dollhouse has a history that affects all the characters of the present and Joss is taking full advantage of the expansive universe he's created. So, until Helo gets closer to the truth, the audience has Alpha to deal with, and, if what I've heard is true, his character is going to be insanely awesome if for no other reason than (hopefully, oh, and SPOILER ALERT--don't follow the link it you don't want to know) brilliant Whedonverse casting. Even if that casting doesn't pan out, I'm still psyched to learn about his interactions with Echo, why he left Echo alive, and if he's the naked man rifling through pictures of Echo's old life and sending them to Helo. Also, Alpha serves as a cautionary, expositive tale as to why they wipe the dolls memories after each engagement. Alpha is a composite of his past memories and assignments and apparently that means a whole lot of people get killed and maimed (which, speaking of, did Fred have scars in the pilot? I didn't remember her having scars, but the Couch Baron seems to remember them). Once again, one plotline influences all the others. Alpha's story helps the audience understand what might be happening to Echo, how Helo might find out the truth about Dollhouse, and the science behind it all. When each plotline informs on other plotlines, the viewer can't help but be invested in all of them. That's when a show is most successful for me and when I'm never bored during an episode. You don't have the option to be bored during the C-plot because the smallest thing that happens might affect the A and B plots later on. It keeps the viewer on the edge of his/her seat and makes it worth it to absorb every detail, no matter how seemingly insignificant. The episode was unpredictable and surprising, which, for someone who watches as much TV as I do, is a rare commodity. It was extremely satisfying to not know how the entire episode was going to play out after the first 15 minutes (I'm looking in your direction, The Mentalist). This episode answered some questions, but more importantly, had me asking a lot of questions (in a good way). Top drawer.

The science behind the whole operation was much better illuminated for me. I'm still not too clear on how Echo's negotiator personality in the pilot recognized one of the assailants, but I better understand why they upload and entire persona and not just the skill set needed. It kind of reminded me of Blade Runner when Rachael and Decker are talking about her memories and how she remembers a spider spinning a web as a young girl. It seems like an extraneous detail, but all those memories are what create a cohesive, complete persona. Without those little memories, there would be blanks. So when Echo says that she knows how to handle a gun because she has "four brothers, none of them Democrats," it makes sense that she would need a complete set of memories to inform her character. Like I said, I'm still not sure where the Dollhouse is getting these memories or how, but I'm on board with building a complete personality out them (like with her hostage negotiator imprint having asthma and remembering her own abduction).

I think the character of Echo's handler Boyd is going to be much more useful and engaging than I initially expected. I think he'll be acting as sort of the moral center of the Dollhouse. He cares about Echo and appears to be ethically ambivalent about what happens to her each time her memory is erased. He appears to be the only one in the house who questions the validity of what they are doing, and while he does his job well, it's clear that he isn't totally on board with the whole operation. It's helps inform the audience as to why he wouldn't tell the programmers that Echo behaved so strangely on the mountain and didn't react to the call and response programming as she should. He's invested in her as a person and wouldn't betray her. Although, he's seen what happened when Alpha regained his memories, so Boyd is going to have one hell of a moral dilemma on his hands when his suspicions are further piqued. Also, he's fairly new to the team, so he acts as a window for the audience to events of the past. He needs to be filled in at the same time the audience does, so while it's clearly plot exposition, it doesn't necessarily feel like plot exposition. He's also much more of a badass than I initially thought, so it makes much more sense that he'd be a handler. The second episode did a much better job fleshing out his role on the show and how Echo's assignments are carried out. Further, that the Dollhouse would go to such lengths to keep their dolls alive and working suggests that they might be coercing people into becoming dolls in the first place. There's a hell of a lot of money to be made and the means by which they talk people into doing this are probably not as innocuous as they would have people believe. I'm definitely excited to learn more.

I think my only quibble would be that there was significantly less half-naked Helo in this episode. His storyline is going to take a bit longer to build up, so I guess we'll just have to wait. Even though his role in the show is still very preliminary, I was never bored with it and it just served to make me more excited for future episodes. The show kept me on my toes and when little things like Helo's neighbor offering him lasagna happened, I started to wonder if maybe she was working for some organization or was even a doll trying to keep Helo from discovering the truth. There appears to be some group of people trying to out the dolls and I can't wait to find out who and why. The show is surprising and I loved wondering who was who, what organization they might be working for, and what their motives were. Which, speaking of, I can't wait to see how Helo's interactions with Victor work out. I'm more than a little intrigued by what his doll assignment is... Is he really working for the mob? Or has he been planted there to throw Helo off the trail? Either way, I'm in.

In summation, the second episode was far superior to the pilot and has gotten me pretty psyched for the rest of the season. (I say "season" because there's always a good chance Fox will cancel the show before next year... Grrr.... (Argh...)) Anyway, if you haven't watched Dollhouse yet or weren't sucked in by the pilot, give the second episode a shot. I think you'll be impressed. :)

Oh, and I realize the title doesn't really make much sense, but I thought it was funny.

Hello? Dolly?

In a sea of otherwise fairly lackluster (and sadly scant, so far) mid-season replacements, Dollhouse finally premiered on Friday. In spite of actual and rumored productions problems, it's arguably the most anticipated new series of the new year. Or maybe that's only if you're a Joss Whedon fan... it's so hard to tell...

At any rate, for those of you unfamiliar with the concept, here's the brief premise:

ECHO (Eliza Dushku) is an "Active," a member of a highly illegal and underground group of individuals who have had their personalities wiped clean so they can be imprinted with any number of new personas. Hired by the wealthy, powerful and connected, the Actives don't just perform their hired roles, they wholly become -- with mind, personality and physiology -- whomever the client wants or needs them to be. Whether imprinted to be a lover, an assassin, a corporate negotiator or a best friend, the Actives know no other life than the specific engagements they are in at that time.

Confined between missions to a secret facility known as the "Dollhouse," Echo and the other Actives including SIERRA (Dichen Lachman), are assigned engagements by ADELLE DEWITT (Olivia Williams), one of the Dollhouse leaders. After each scenario, Echo, always under the watchful eye of her handler, BOYD LANGTON (Harry Lennix), returns to the mysterious Dollhouse where her thoughts, feelings, experiences and knowledge are erased by TOPHER BRINK (Fran Kranz), the Dollhouse's genius programmer.

So with all that in mind, here goes my review of the Dollhouse pilot.

First off, I could definitely see where the evil Fox network had put their sticky fingers into the mix. Having seen promotional materials for the show prior to the original pilot being scrapped, it's rather apparent that the show was overhauled top-to-bottom. That's not to say that's necessarily a bad thing, but there were parts of the pilot that felt a lot more like moronic network execs than like Joss. Such instances weren't oppressive or constant, but at times they felt a bit heavy-handed and disingenuous for a Whedon production.

My main quibble was with the over-the-top, gratuitous, let's-get 20-something-males-to-watch opening sequences. The first 10 minutes had an excessively long (and totally unnecessary) motorcycle chase followed by an excessively long (and totally unnecessary) dance party replete with lots of pretty people in skimpy clothes. Now, I have nothing against motorcycle chases or scantily clad dancers, but it just didn't feel like Joss had much of anything to do with it. Joss has a tremendous knack for calling attention to such conventions and turning them on their ear, usually in hilarious ways. I appreciated it later in the episode when Echo (Dushku) is supposed to be some badass negotiator and her handler (watcher?) asks if the glasses are supposed to make her look smart. Not the most successful instance, but the closest this particular pilot had to offer.

Anyway, aside from the opening sequences, there were several other instances during which it felt like an tribute to Dushku's figure (which is impressive, to be sure, but largely irrelevant (unless of course you are one of the aforementioned 20 something males)). I could practically hear the suits at Fox drumming up ways to attract adolescent male viewers and after a lot of serious thought, they somehow came up with half-naked chicks. Wow! Fox suits, you're brilliant! Groundbreaking! I can't believe you cracked their code! Yeah, not so much. Such conventions are routinely employed, you know, to make show cooler and hipper and sexier and whatnot, but that's not generally Joss' style. Not that his other shows don't have attractive people in often skimpy outfits (oh, Cordelia), but it's never felt so patent before. I'll chock it up to the excessive length of such sequences, which I have to assume was influenced by the fact that there were shorter commercial breaks (which means the pilot was really more like 53 minutes long instead of 43--I imagine that's difficult to adjust to after so many years in the biz).

Aside from the network suits having any say in anything at all, the pilot was pretty solid. I'd say good, not spectacular. The basic concept has a lot of promise, although I do worry about the week to week elements. To an extent, all of Whedon's projects can be considered procedurals (with a monster of the week instead of a crime or mystery of the week), but I'm fearful the procedural elements of Dollhouse might not resonate with me as well as with past shows. I enjoy procedural elements of a show, but I'm generally more invested in the overall story arc. I'm thinking I'll connect much more with Dollhouse's overarching mythos than what crazy adventure Echo goes on next. Until I see a few more episodes, this will be hard to judge, but even just with the pilot, I was a lot more concerned with what was happening in the b-plot and establishing scenes than with the girl who was kidnapped.

Speaking of the overarching storyline, I think it's going to be excellent. Echo, as with all the other actives or "dolls," has her memory completely wiped after each assignment. She has no memory of her old life before becoming an active or of her past assignments... until now. Echo is starting to remember things and the fallout from such memories would be catastrophic to her employer and emotionally jarring to herself. Along her journey to remembering the past is Tahmoh Penikett (who, from here on out, will be called Helo, because really, who wants to try to say his real name?) who plays an FBI type guy who is investigating reports that actives even exist or that there is such thing as the Dollhouse. I'm very excited to see his interactions with Echo and see how her regained memories affect how they relate to one another. Helo wasn't central to the pilot, but I expect he'll be pivotal in episodes to come.

Although the dynamic between Echo and Helo have tremendous promise, I'm already a bit concerned about Echo's interactions with the other actives. From the initial promotional materials, I wasn't expecting the dolls to be so vacant after their memories had been wiped. They really are kind of doll-like, which is I guess is kind of the point, but I think ties the writers hands in terms of Echo having any kind of real social dynamic. I was expecting the actives to remember their assignments week-to-week but remember nothing of their old lives. I can see where the company programming the dolls wouldn't allow for such loose ends, but it seemed like the most logical way to have the other dolls play a more sustantive role in show. I think I just need to shift my focus. I was expecting to focus on the dolls, but it seems more apt that I focus on the scientists and the FBI. Once Echo starts to regain more and more of her memory, I think I'll find her more engaging as a character, but just having seen the pilot, it was hard to invest in someone who doesn't have any consistent personality traits to endear her to the viewer. While I'm concerned that the roles of the other dolls won't be what I initially had in mind, I'm still very intrigued and hopeful that the dynamics among the characters will start to gel as the show gets further along.

I'm also intrigued to learn more about the faux science behind it all. At this point, I'm not sure I'm sold, but I'm willing to go with it until they have more of a chance to flesh things out. In the pilot, Echo is programmed with a hostage negotiator. Well, apparently she was programmed with a real negotiator because her fake personality recognized one of the people behind the kidnapping... Yeah, I'm not so sure about all that... Where are they getting these personalities from? If they're such a super-secret organization, how are they accessing so many different skills and abilities without anyone knowing about them? Are they kidnapping/tricking/paying people for their memories and then erasing them? I'm a little sketchy on the details so far, but I'm willing to stick with it till they explain the operation better.

Anyway, aside from the fanciful concept and storyline, I must say the most startling thing to get used to was the tone. Whedon's productions are generally have a lot more humor and levity than Dollhouse. I don't mind a more serious tone, but this was bordering on dour. In his other projects, even during the darkest storylines, there was always a snarky wit about them. Dollhouse is much more droll in its current incarnation, and that seems to be a departure from what the original version of the pilot had in mind. I didn't mind the tone, but it was really a far cry from what I would expect from Joss. It didn't have any of the "Oh, Joss" moments that I so adore. In spite of this, I really enjoyed the pilot quite a lot, and given it's non-Jossiness, that's kind of surprising.

In short, I'm not totally in love with it yet, but based on the pilot alone, I definitely think I'll get there. I have it on good authority that the next couple of episodes are considerably better than the pilot and that the show really hits its stride around episode 7 (where most shows find their stride, in my experience). Although the pilot had its faults, overall it was very successful and presented a premise that can be built upon for a long time to come (assuming Fox doesn't axe the show next week). I'm hopeful for a more Joss-like tone in the future, but if not, I'll still be sticking with it. It's good enough without the usual tone that I'll be coming back for more.

Overall, I give the pilot a B-, which is a far better grade than most other pilots I've seen this year. And if reports that it gets even better are true, I expect a grade A series very soon.

Assuming Fox doesn't cancel it next week... sorry to be redundant, but there's precedent.

Stupid network.

Anyway, episode 2 is on tonight, and they'll all be airing on Hulu, so I'd strongly reommend checking it out.

The World Has Turned and Left Me Here

Okay, someone tagged me with this on Facebook, but rather than be a part of a 25 Things-style epidemic (again), I'm posting it here instead.

I wasn't going to post it, but I was just bored enough the other night to try it and it actually came up with some interesting results. Henceforth, if you're interested, here goes:

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle. (The instructions actually said "Put your Zune on shuffle" when I got this. Who the hell owns a Zune? I changed it. I mean, really.)
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag if you like, but it is by no means compulsory.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY:
Lucky Denver Mint

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Unwanted

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Cold Dark World

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Under Your Spell

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Can’t Do It Alone

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Secret’s In the Telling

WHAT IS 2+2?
The Name of the Game

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Lullaby

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Hate Everyone

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Will Possess Your Heart

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Sharp Objects

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Light With a Sharpened Edge

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Dope Nose

WHAT WILL BE THE THEME OF YOUR WEDDING?
Hang ‘Em High

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Signs

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Most Beautiful Girl (In the Room)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
California

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Cities In Dust

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Table For Glasses

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Happy Together

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Believe in What You Want

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Confrontation

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED/TO WHOM?
Local God

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Chump

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Still Waiting

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Dream A Little Dream Of Me

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The World Has Turned and Left Me Here

So THAT'S why!

So I haven't been blogging very often as of late and that's because there hasn't been a whole lot to blog about. TV is kind of my life, so given that there's been a whole lotta nothin' on lately, there just hasn't been much blog-fodder for me to utilize....which is odd...because it's February for cryin' out loud! Seriously, television, WTF?!

For those of you out there who don't know why it's odd for February to have reruns and other such crappy programming on, here's the deal. Along with November and May (and July, technically), February is a month during which the system of calculating viewership for television programming is most important. It is one of the four sweeps periods during the year. During these four months, networks air eagerly anticipated programs that are deliberately scheduled to boost television ratings. The higher the ratings, the more networks can charge for commercials and other promotions. Henceforth, February should be one of the best months for TV. If there's going to be a bomb scare in a hospital, it'll probably be during sweeps. If a major character might die, start scheduling the funeral for the third week of February. Explosions, gratuitous violence, inexplicable hookups, long-lost relatives, and mysteries being revealed are all fair game for sweeps.

So why in the hell has this February had basically nothing new to offer? Why will Gossip Girl not be back until March? And why is the primetime lineup every evening chock full of reruns and lame-ass award ceremonies that no one watches? Well, I finally stumbled across the answer the other day.

As it turns out, programmers scheduled all sorts of crap for February because of the digital change over that was supposed to take place on the 17th. Networks figured many households would still not have made the change over and did not want to waste new programming on a bunch of people who might not be able to view it. It makes sense, I suppose, but now that Congress has voted to postpone the switchover till June 12th, surely they'll rejigger the schedule and give us some new programming to watch, right?

Yeah... not so much.

From what I hear, viewers can look forward to a whole lot of reruns and stupid specials for the next couple of weeks at least. There will be a handful of new episodes here and there, but nothing like it should be for the middle of February. Perhaps it's because nearly 40% of broadcasters plan to switchover later this week regardless of Congress' actions. The FCC still has the final word on whether or not they'll allow it, so odds are if you're still using rabbit ears, you still have some time (for the most part, that is).

Anyway, regardless of when the switchover actually takes place, at least now I know why no one has been shot to death on House lately (and really, when better to finally kill off 13 than during sweeps?! People who don't even watch the show would be tuning in for that delightful event), no special guest stars have shown up on every show on TV (and for no apparent reason), and my beloved Gossip Girl is on hiatus (still!). Oy.

Dollhouse premiered on Friday, so at least that's something. I'll be posting my review of that tomorrow, probably. Oh, and there's always Burn Notice and Psych to keep my sane, but we all know I need more than that (like 10 or 12 more shows, at least).

So until Marchish, enjoy some truly, woefully, mediocre viewing options... :(

25 Random Things

Here's that thing that we've all filled out on Facebook. I figured I'd put it here as well. "Yee" and "haw" in quick succession...

1. I only decided to write this because my brother and his friends are watching Battlestar Galactica at the moment. I plan to watch the series eventually, but not right now.

2. Ironically enough, given my oh-so-cheery (read: dejected, disillusioned, and weary) outlook toward life, my blood type is B+. (As though the very cells that course through my body wish I had a better attitude--yeah, well, bite me, blood cells. It ain't gonna happen.)

3. I watch a lot of TV (not that that comes as a shock to anyone). I have a fairly complex hierarchy of show importance that places shows into one of three tiers. In the first tier, I mentally place my favorite shows, the ones I watch the night they're on and can't wait for week to week. In the second tier go the shows I enjoy and keep up with consistently, but that get viewed later in the week, but always before the next episode. And in the sad, sorry third tier go my rainy day shows. These are the only I let build up on my DVR until I'm so desperate for something to watch that I fire them up. (The fourth tier can't be mentioned in polite company... it's where shows go to die.)

4. I applied for a new job today. I had to submit a resume and a cover letter. I tried to take the cover letter seriously, I really did, but after the first three lines, it quickly devolved into my usual smartassery. As you can see from my most recent status update, I literally ended the cover letter with, "In short, I believe I would make for an unutterably resplendent administrator. Word." I still kinda can't believe I ended it with, "Word." My boss is insanely awesome, however, and he loved it.

5. I jump on my trampoline everyday--and when I say everyday, I mean EVERY day. I jump on the trampoline (a full-sized, rectangular (very important) trampoline that's in my backyard) no matter the weather conditions or time of night. I shovel the trampoline in the winter and have backup mats and springs at the ready in case of an emergency. Yes, I'm that pathetic.

6. And quirky. I only ever jump on the trampoline in a counterclockwise rotation. I don't know why...

7. I hate people who walk on the treadmills at the gym. Seriously people, if you're planning to leisurely walk at 3 miles per hour, go up to the track. The real runners actually put the treadmills to good use.

8. I have a hard time finishing Dickens' novels. I love his writing, I really do, but when you're 478 pages into Bleak House and you have 512 to go, it's hard to keep going. I'm currently in the middle of no fewer than 4 Dickens' novels. I think the only ones I've ever finished were Oliver Twist and Great Expectations.

9. I'm a little bit psychic (and you're a little bit rock and roll--sorry, I have Osmonds-induced Tourette's). Seriously though, every now and then I come up with something out of thin air that leads me to believe I have a sixth sense. For example, I was suffering through another mind-numbing day of junior high when one of my teachers noted the languor the class was exhibiting. She looked around and said, "What's with you guys, you look so..." but before she finished the sentence, I thought to myself, "Peaked. We look peaked." And lo and behold, the word she finally chose was "peaked." If it were a more common word, I wouldn't have thought much of it, but honestly, how often do you refer to 8th graders as looking peaked? Most recently, on Dirty Sexy Money, one of the characters was trying to figure out the three digit combination to a suit case. I guessed it immediately (and it wasn't like it was a number that had been heard on the show or anything--it came out of nowhere). What are the odds? Those are two of many, many more instances. Bear in mind that these powers never help me with anything that actually matters, by the way (you know, like lotto numbers).

10. In a similar vein, I suppose, I am quite good at guessing prices. My mother is a bit of a penny pincher, so when she comes across something she feels is outrageously priced, she'll turn to me and ask me to guess how much it costs. She's always so disappointed when I guess exactly right (which is surprisingly often). One time she asked me to guess the price of a box of vanilla wafers. Upon guessing correctly, to the cent ($3.69), she balked and started turning the box over to see if it were written somewhere.

11. I write down new words that I hear and look them up as soon as possible. I usually end up writing them on my hand (the "hand"iest thing available--sorry, that was shameless). So, if you're sitting next to me on the bus and you have the preternatural skill needed to read my handwriting, you'll have to wonder what exactly I'm shopping for with a list like, "timorous, bathos, pavid, de riguerur, and sequela" written on the back of my hand.

12. I love little furniture. There's nothing more comfortable than one of those little kid sofa chairs.

13. My favorite part of the Christmas season is pretending to close my eyes when my mother enters a room. "Quick! Close your eyes! Hurry, Mom, hide the presents!" What makes it so much fun is that my mom gets hilariously flustered and says, "Oh, for crying out loud, I don't have any presents!" It cracks me up every time.

14. When I was in the fifth grade, at my parent-teacher-student evaluation whateverness, the only thing my teacher could to to put under the section for "Room for Improvement" was "Be less cynical." So yeah, I've been like this at least since I was 10.

15. I have no known allergies. Although overly ripe cantaloupe does make my mouth feel kind of scratchy.

16. My dream job would be to sing and dance on broadway. Now if only I could sing, dance, or act...

17. I have never broken a bone. (Which, given my affinity for the trampoline, is kind of a miracle.)

18. For the longest time I've been certain that I won't make it to my 30th birthday. On a related note, both the Mayans and Nostradamus believe the world will end in 2012. Guess what year I turn 30... Eerily prophetic, yes? I'll let you know how it turns out. Or I won't...

19. In spite of being a truly terrible student all through school, I always got very good grades. People thought I was smart, but I really just knew how to work the system. Whenever I'm watching Jeopardy, I can't help but think I'd be a whole lot smarter if I had actually studied. Ever.

20. I can stand up from an "Indian style" sitting position without using my hands at all. I thought this was something everyone could do, but as it turns out, I'm in the minority.

21. I have what I call an "intuitive filing system" for remembering things. I almost never write down dates and times or anything else for that matter and simply rely on my intuitive filing system to keep track of everything. I have never kept a planner, don't use a blackberry or other such PDA, and the only things I write down on my calendar are TV related. It works surprisingly well, I'll have you know. It usually occurs to me that something needs to be done just in time for me to do it.

22. I've always wished I were artistic, but I'm a quitter through and through and if something doesn't come easily to me, I'd generally give up rather than tough it out.

23. My favorite color is orange (not the I'm-a-goin'-huntin' orange, but rather a light, peachy orange).

24. The setting for about 70% of my dreams is in a hotel (well, the dreams I remember anyway).

25. I have no desire to EVER have children. I honestly don't understand those who do...