NOTE: I'm sorry this is so late in coming. Blogger has been struggling hardcore for several days now. Yeah, just when finale season and Upfront season intersect, Blogger decides to have some sort of coronary problem. Anyway, I was poised and ready to discuss the finales of The Vampire Diaries (Vicki and Anna! Ahhh!), Nikita, and just about everything else, but couldn't. And now it just feels like it's kind of too late... Anyway, moving on with the Upfronts!
As any Whedonverse devotee will attest, you can't get too attached to programs on the Fox network because, well, no one likes heartbreak. Citing precedent, it really shouldn't come as much of a surprise that the only show on the network whose fate I actually cared about is one of the first to get the axe. The Chicago Code was a surprisingly smart and engaging show for network TV, which I guess means it was doomed. And another one bites the dust. The list of network shows that I watch has been in precipitous decline for the past few years now, and it's gotten to the point were I can count them on one hand. The Chicago Code is a pretty painful loss. It wasn't a perfect show (the writers didn't seem to know what to do with Vonda and Isaac most of the time), but compared to the other network schlock it was up against, it was head and shoulders above most other shows. Shawn Ryan deserves better. He's a fine showrunner who always producing quality programming. So let's face it. He didn't stand a chance.
Fox is a tough nut to crack for a number of reasons and it has some network idiosyncrasies that make it more prone to slaughter than others. First and foremost, it doesn't have a third hour of primetime like the other big networks, so it immediately has 5 fewer hours per week to fill. On top of that, it has like, 17 hours of American Idol each week, which decreases the room for scripted programming even more. At the end of the day, they simply don't have the space to keep anything that isn't performing incredibly well. There have been some notable exceptions, of course, but by and large, they don't hang on to shows that are under-performing. Fringe got a notable pick-up this year in spite of poor performance, but that's because it airs on Friday, a night that Fox gave up on long ago. Plus, I think they're still a little gun-shy about pissing off the science fiction community.
Here's the full list of CASUALTIES:
The Chicago Code Again, this is the one that really hurts. I hear showrunner Shawn Ryan already has his sights set on a new project though, and from the brief concept idea that I ran across, it sounds like it's going to be excellent. Here's hoping it finds a network that will keep it going.
Lie to Me This was a third tier show at best, but it made for a nice space filler on an empty viewing day. I kept up with this one well enough, but it was far too procedural to really keep me invested. I need more over-arching story to really care about a show and Lie to Me never really delivered.
Human Target Won't be missed. I made it through a couple of episodes and that was plenty.
Traffic Light I never even screened this sucker. It looked awful and I knew it didn't stand a chance anyway. Tootles!
Braking In See above comments, copy and paste. Oh, Christian Slater. It's cute that you think you still have a career. [This just in, this show might just get a last minute stay of execution. Word is, Fox is considering bringing it back after all. I think it depends on whether or not they have a half-hour companion show on the docket or not... I never even screened the pilot, so I'm not invested one way or the other.]
The Good Guys This one has been dead in the water for ages now. In case you're one of the two people who watch, it ain't comin' back.
Running Wilde This one got pulled ages ago as well, in case you hadn't heard. But, showkiller Will Arnett has teamed up with showkiller Christina Applegate for a new comedy (to air on ABC, I think), so if you fear not, if you loved Running Wilde, you'll get another chance basically
Here are the shows that will be RETURNING next season:
House Against all reason, yes, House will be back again this fall for an EIGHTH and hopefully final season. Please just let it die already. It kills me that Fox would rather keep an aging, increasingly pitiful show around than give The Chicago Code a relaunch for fall. Oy. In related news, I hear that Lisa Edelstein has officially jumped ship and will not be reprising her role as Cuddy next year. Godspeed, my friend. Never look back.
Glee I loved season 1, I could barely even finish season 2. If every episode were a Brad Falchuk episode, I think I would still love the show, but his episodes are too few and too long in between to sustain me. I still haven't decided if I'll be giving this one a chance in the fall. It depends on how my schedule looks. Want to see something truly shocking? Go back and watch the Glee pilot on Netflix Instant Play. Holy hell, you'll hardly even recognize the show. Wow. Did you know that it used to have a plot? And characters? And wasn't
Bones Ugh. As though this show weren't mediocre enough, and as though it hasn't been around for about 3 seasons too long, now Bones is pregnant. Well, Emily Deschanel is pregnant, but that's just as bad. I don't even really watch this show anymore (unless there's absolutely nothing else on), but knowing that it's coming back and The Chicago Code isn't makes me bitter(erer). Geez, Fox, so far you're looking like a real winner come fall...
Fringe I've been meaning to catch up on this one, so I'm pleased to see that it'll be back. Quite frankly, any vote of confidence for Sci Fi as a genre gets a thumbs-up from me. It always makes me smile that they put this kind of show on Fridays, you know, because it's not like geeks have dates to go on or anything. I sure don't.
Fox Animation Block: The Cleveland Show, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons
Raising Hope It isn't appointment TV for me or anything, but it's a fun little show starring the incomparable Martha Plimpton, so I'm quite pleased to see it picked up for next season. Although, if it ever gets canceled, I suppose that frees Martha up for more time on The Good Wife, so I guess I'd be okay either way.
I was going to include a preview of fall shows in this post, but I think that's best left for another entry (it's gonna be on the long side). There are some definite contenders coming up in a few months, but mostly, it's just a bunch of crap. You know, like last year.
Still sick as a dog, but here we are. To add insult to injury, the CW kinda sorta really sucks at their job. Seriously, you guys have one thing to do and you just can't seem to do it. Pathetic.
TV Cross-Connection of the Week: Grandma Florrick on The Good Wife was Grams on Dawson’s Creek Given that she's basically playing the exact same character, I really should have realized it sooner, but no.
Worst Way to Go: Cheese Cutter Garrote on The Borgias… or was it the half-assed poison? Upon reflection, regarding the cheese wire decapitation of the guard, even Ceseare was like, “Yeah, let’s not do that anymore… Oh no, keep killing people, just not like that.” Although the poisoning didn’t exactly go according to plan, what with the writhing in agony for hours and ultimately having to be smothered with a pillow. (In case you missed it, this show isn’t exactly a huge fan of subtlety. Or people living very long.)
Biggest Whiners: The Chicago Code In general, I would sympathize with those suffering from a heat wave, but as I gaze out my window at the snow falling, my only thought is: Heat wave? Yes, please.
Most Believable Copping: Theresa on The Chicago Code So often with cop shows, when it comes to actual policing, the actors are either over the top or totally unconvincing. But when Theresa Colvin tells you to put the gun down, you put the gun down. Nice job, you maniac, you.
Cartooniest Progression: Barney on HIMYM… or was it Lily? Sigh. This season of HIMYM has been a hell of a lot better than last, but the characters are quickly becoming caricatures. That ridiculous and irritating storyline with Barney and the meatball sub was just lame. This season, it seems that Barney is either a total cartoon or is brooding over emotional baggage. That’s a fine line to walk and it’s not really working. What’s worse, he’s not the only one. What the hell happened to Lily? I used to adore her, but now? I’m with TVWithoutPity on this one, “Lily was once a likable, semi-rational character on #HIMYM, wasn't she? It's been so long, it's hard to remember.” I think the show’s next set of flashbacks should be back to seasons 1 and 2 when I actually liked these people.
Most Disappointing Season Finale: Being Human US A lackluster end to a meh season. The show kept having glimmers of potential, but very few were realized. Maybe if I hadn’t seen the UK version I’d have been more enamored of this one, but at every turn, I couldn’t help but to think of how the UK version handled a storyline in invariably better ways. The US version just feels like one missed opportunity after another. The pilot was quite promising, but it ultimately let me down.
Best Season Finale: Being Human UK Okay, given that the US and UK versions of Being Human were the only finales this week, the bar was set pretty low, but even if it were stacked up against an entire slate of finales, the UK version would hold its own. Wow. US version, take a lesson.
Worst Parenting: Basically the entire cast of Parenthood I keep trying to not hate this show, because it does have its good points, but overall, it’s just irritating as hell. If I had grown up with any of these people as my parents, I’d have made a run for it at age 6. Each member of the cast is more ridiculous than the last and the level of cheese they’re injecting into every episode would put those Cheez-It commercials to shame.
Biggest Heartbreaker: Alicia on The Good Wife The ramifications of Kalinda’s affair with Peter have already been theorized on this blog, and even though I knew it was coming, it was still tough to watch. The writers of this show are so, so good. Just as Alicia puts the pieces together and realizes that her husband slept with her (now) best friend, the room full of Peter’s supporters break into For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow. Ouch. My friend Jahn tends to crucify Kalinda for not telling Alicia, but in all honestly, I don’t think anyone would, let alone Kalinda. For probably the first time in her life, she’s not in complete control of information and she doesn’t know what to do. I really think that deep down, Kalinda was sure that somehow, some way, she could keep this under wraps. Based on precedent, she must be pretty astounded that she couldn’t.
Second Biggest Heartbreaker/Couple I Never Knew I Wanted Together: Eli and Natalie on The Good Wife How’s that for an odd couple? And yet, I find myself hoping that America Ferrera shows up again in the future. I’m as shocked as you are. On paper, the thought of them as a romantic pairing is kind of ridiculous, but in reality, it works amazingly well.
Best Kiss: Boyd and Ava on Justified The thought of Boyd and Ava ever getting together was an impossibility during season 1, but with the current season, it makes perfect sense. The actors have wonderful chemistry together and I’m excited to see how things play out. I’m also glad to see that Ava will have more to do than hang around the house all day. Of course, know Ava, that probably just means she’ll get kidnapped. For the third time.
Most Addictive New Website: Cute Roulette You know, in case there was ever a threat of me getting things done at work...
Meh-iest New Show: Happy EndingsAs per the AV Club, #HappyEndings: "Hard to hate. Also hard to love." It wasn’t really all that funny, but in terms of half-hour sitcoms, it was by no means the worst thing I’ve seen. I guess it could potentially turn into something more memorable, but at this point, it’s just another in a long line of Friends rip-offs that can’t quite get off the ground. Plus, it has Elisha Cuthbert in it, so that’s prohibitive right there. Pilot Grade: C+
Unjust-est Elimination: Sue on Top Chef Masters Okay, I realize that there’s really no way that Sue was going to win the competition or anything, but to eliminate her because the show didn’t provide enough kitchen space or equipment for her to cook? That’s just ridiculous. She and Suvir totally got screwed on this one. I found myself growing more and more pissed off as the episode progressed. Dear Top Chef, it’s fine to throw crazy challenges at them, but for hell’s sake, at least give them a chance of succeeding. Ridiculous. Instead of expressing your condolences to participants for the crappy conditions, here’s a novel idea, FIX THE CONDITIONS!
Worst Local Affiliate: CW30 Holy hell, this has to stop! My local CW affiliate has a long and aggravating history of sucking at their jobs, but last night was the final straw. I’ve endured many years of shows having occasional weird audio, visual screw-ups, and whatnot, but cutting off the last half of The Vampire Diaries and the first half of Nikita with an episode of That 70s Show is way over the line. The audio was screwed up from minute one, so I should have known that someone was asleep at the wheel. Again. Maybe they’ve started hiring ex-air traffic controllers… Long story short, I didn’t really get to watch either show, which in my universe, is tantamount to death by firing squad. I went to bed at 10 o’clock. That’s just sad.
**Quotes of the Week**
“No surprise. Mental illness can be fascinating. RT @thewrap: #ExtremeCouponing Debut Pays Off Big for TLC.” -- TVWithoutPity, via twitter. Those couponers are insane. I will happily pay full price for every item in the store if it means I don’t have to take three binders full of little scraps of paper to the store and then follow a detailed game plan during checkout. If they spent half the time working that they spend preparing to hit the Safeway, they’d have enough money to not worry about finding a great deal. These people are basically organized hoarders. Not that people don’t need 68 bottles of mustard at a time…
“Belated congrats to Robert Sean Leonard on his impending escape from #House. Never look back.” -- TVWithoutPity via twitter. Word.
“Caroline was frantically trying to figure out the Matt situation. She hadn't seen or heard from him ever since she came clean about being a vampire the night before. So then there she was trying to place a very important phone call using a hands-free device in a PARKED CAR? Come on, weirdo! Also, quit it, Ford. Nobody wants to buy a Fiesta. Or maybe we should Bing it?” --Price Peterson for tv.com, skewering the omnipresent and obnoxious product placements in The Vampire Diaries.
“Don’t confuse me with your reasonableness.” --Castle
Kalinda: “What do you think?” Will: "I think she's fantastic." Kalinda: "I think she just won him the election." Will: "Probably." Kalinda: "You should tell her how fantastic she is." Will: "She knows." Kalinda: "You should tell her. People like to be told." --The Good Wife. Methinks this is Kalinda’s way of softening the blow to Alicia about the affair. Hey, at least she’s got Will, right? Good luck with that...
“Pray for me.” --Michael Ausiello, via twitter, preparing for THIS. Godspeed, good buddy.
“I am so glad Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has finally hired out his pretty face to a respectable TV show. The failed pilot parade was getting sad.” --JenniferArrow, via twitter. Just one of the many reasons I’m excited for Game of Thrones.
“My name is Boyd Crowder. You can come after me if you like, but it’ll be the last thing you ever do.” --Justified. I am beyond stoked for a return of Bad Boyd. You’ve been missed.
“Joss Whedon is no Michael Bay. Thank goodness for that. An Avengers film made with a ‘bigger is better’ mentality is the last thing we need.” --Matthew Hurd at popmatters.com. Hear, hear!
“Remember how they claimed LOST needed an end date because there was a planned ending in mind? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA. Man, that was rich.” --JenniferArrow via twitter. I haven’t actually finished Lost yet, but I can already tell that this is where we’re headed. It’s half the reason I’m having such a hard time powering through. It’s already spinning its wheels and I still have over two seasons to get through.
“I remember when I was growing up, the rule was, ‘Don’t call anyone after 10 p.m.,’ ” Mr. Adler said. “Now the rule is, ‘Don’t call anyone. Ever.’ ” --quote from a New York Times article by Pamela Paul.
“But heaven forbid you actually have to listen — especially to voice mail. The standard “let the audience know this person is a loser” scene in movies where the forlorn heroine returns from a night of cat-sitting to an answering machine that bleats “you have no messages” would cause confusion with contemporary viewers. Who doesn’t heave a huge sigh of relief to find there’s no voice mail? Is it worth punching in a protracted series of codes and passwords to listen to some three-hour-old voice say, “call me” when you could glance at caller ID and return the call — or better yet, e-mail back instead?” --Pamela Paul, again. It’s a really good article (linked above). I hate the phone. Indeed, if there were a way that I could just play excerpts from that article as my voicemail message at work, I certainly would.
For a random week in March without a ton of new shows, this post certainly did get ridiculously long. I'm going to have to seriously cut back come finale season. Sheesh, these are getting out of hand.
Mind-Blowing Realization of the Week: Emily Prentiss is Kathy from Friends?! Holy shit, peeps, I still can’t believe it. I have seen every episode of Criminal Minds and every episode of Friends (about 12 times), but I never put the Paget Brewster connection together. I was watching an old episode of Friends (the one where Chandler thinks his actress girlfriend Kathy is cheating on him) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s Prentiss!!! I can’t believe I never realized it before. In my defense, she looks completely different now, but still. I’m usually so good at this. They might just revoke my professional television status after a blunder like this… (And no, I have no idea who “they” is, but I hear they’re ruthless…)
Poorest Second Showing: Breakout Kings I had hoped that the show would improve after a mediocre pilot, but instead, it got even worse. It very quickly went from “seriously flawed, but with potential” to “seriously unwatchable”. Episode two was simply awful. I will not be giving this sucker a third week. The writing it just plain terrible. This is the kind of concept that should have been very easy to make a decent show out of, but they failed hook, line, and sinker. They seem to be having a ridiculously difficult time finding anything for these convicts to do. Seriously, Jimmi Simpson’s eccentric genius is the only one who even kind of helps, and even then, that’s barely even some of the time. At other times, he’s making brilliant deductions about the new token hot chick. “If you were really a breaking and entering expert, you would have helped open that locked trunk.” You mean the trunk that had been burned up in the fire, so that other guy easily broke the lock off with one good hit of an axe handle? That trunk? Exactly how many people do you think it takes to hit a lock? Do you really think it would have been a better use of everyone’s time for her to have picked a $2 pad lock rather than just breaking the damn thing? Stupid. Incredibly stupid. There are a million ways the writers could have subtly constructed a scene that would have exposed New Token Hot Chick as a liar, but that had to be the absolute lamest way. When you’re working within a genre that is this unbelievably popular, you have to do it well. Incredibly well. With each passing scene, I grew more and more annoyed that some other TV crime fighting team wasn’t on the case. The Criminal Minds crew would have solved this ages ago, and in a much more believable way. The writing on this show is just lazy, ridiculous, and boring. It’s also…
The Show Most Clearly Written By Men, More Men, and Only Men: Breakout Kings It’s generally a safe bet that the entire creative team of a show is comprised of men when the male characters on the show are allowed to be completely unappealing, but the women are all insanely hot, even if that doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. The Original Token Hot Chick at least had a reason to be that hot (she was a grafter and a former beauty queen (you know, because that’s not the kind of backstory a bunch of men would come up with at all)), but the New Token Hot Chick? Ha! Her name is Erica, apparently (of course her name is Erica), and she’s billed as this badass tough chick who learned the ways of bounty hunting from her father (because the only way women can become good at anything but cooking and laundry is if they learn it from their father or brothers, you know) and then avenged his death by killing 5 guys (allegedly)… all while sporting flawless make-up and pink, shiny lip gloss. Seriously, it was ridiculous. Straight out of prison and she looks like she just fell out of a Gucci ad. I might have been more forgiving if her clothes had been impeccable as well (maybe high-end is just how she rolls), but no, her clothes were shabby and sloppy, which made the beauty make-up stand out even more (and for all the wrong reasons). Oh sure, the men on the show are allowed to look the part, but the women sure aren’t. Even their tech analyst (their Penelope Garcia, if you will) is gorgeous. Not as heavily made-up, but still far too attractive for the role. I’m not saying these characters should be hideous, but if you insist on super models, at least try to make them look the part.
Worst Set Design: America’s Next Great Restaurant Ha! Okay, I know no one really watches this show (and I can see why, it has some serious conceptual problems), but I simply must comment on the set. Okay, literally, for the elimination at the end of the episode, the camera physically couldn’t fit all the competitors into the shot, and of the half it could fit, two of them were obscured by a giant pillar. Boy, it’s too bad there aren’t any other elimination competition shows out there that they could use as a model…
Saddest Cancellation News: The Dish Seriously? The programming slate for the Style Network is basically a giant steaming pile of total shit, with one lone exception: The Dish. So of course that’s the show that gets cancelled. Oy.
Best Pick-Up News: Community Yay! Yes, that's right, folks, Community will be back this fall for a third season in spite of lackluster ratings. It really is the best comedy on air, so I'm thrilled beyond thrilled that it'll be back again. Now I just have to worry about Nikita and The Chicago Code... Once those two are out of the woods, I can relax.
Most Improbable Paternity: Shameless It keeps dawning on me in little ways, but this show has really hit its stride. I’m so glad I stuck with it past the first few rocky episodes. They seem to have nailed down just who these characters really are and what the show is really about. Most recently, it was about paternity. In spite of obvious visual signs to the contrary, ostensibly interracial baby Liam actually is the spawn of Frank Gallagher, but red-haired Irish lad Ian isn’t. Ha! Okay, so apparently one of his uncles is actually his father, so it’s all in the family, but it was still a pretty awesome reveal. So let’s see, that means that Ian and Lip are both half brothers and first cousins… First brothers? Two-thirds brothers? Premium cousins? I never was good as these familial relationships…
Best Brothers (or Whatever They Are): Lip and Ian on Shameless Speaking of Ian and Lip, I absolutely adore their relationship on the show. I was initially a bit turned off by Lip, but more and more, he’s stealing the show. He and Ian have a dynamic between them that’s equal parts brothers, confidantes, protectors, and friends. Even though they have a very friendly vibe most of the time, it’s always satisfying to see Lip play the role of older brother. He does it in really subtle ways, but with really powerful results. Even in the face of the catastrophe that is their family and the fact that they all had to grow up way too fast, the basic foundations remain. At the end of the day, each member of the family has to pull his/her weight to keep the family afloat, but Ian is still his little brother, and he would do anything for him. Even take a beating.
Sneakiest Teamwork: Teresa and Jarek on The Chicago Code I suspected they were in cahoots all along, but I’ll be damned if they didn’t sell the lie (even if it did come at Caleb’s expense). Nicely played.
Character That Most Definitely Needs to be Recast: Sally on Being Human (US) Good god, she’s grating. The ghost character on the British series is charming and warm and quirky. The ghost on the US version is nothing but whiny, nagging, and bitchy. While the writing bears a fair bit of the blame, I think it’s Meaghan Rath’s portrayal that is the real problem. It makes total sense on the British version why the vampire and werewolf would adore their ghostly roommate and be protective of her, but on the US edition, I kinda just want to kill her again. Heretofore, I’d have labeled her as the "Character Most in Need of Becoming Corporeal", but at this point, not only do I hope she remains completely ineffectual, I keep hoping her door will show up. Man alive, doors showing up on the UK version are simply terrifying. Here? Bring on the biggest effing door you can find! (The “effing door,” most commonly used in stately manor homes, was first manufactured in Britain in the late 17th century and is named after the county of East Effing…)
Best Direction: Kurt and Blaine Kiss on Glee We’ve all known this was coming for a long time, but hats off to the promotional department for not spoiling it for us. I thought it was done in a really lovely way. Unlike every other aspect of the show, it wasn’t some big, flashy, loud production. They allowed for Kurt and Blaine to have a truly touching, subdued, very quiet moment together. The camera didn’t cut away, the music didn’t swell into a tidal wave, and there were no spectators or back-up dancers. It made the kiss feel a lot more authentic and emotional than other elements of the show. By being the least theatrical moment, it actually made it all the more powerful. It was also very nice to see that Kurt and Blaine have a hell of a lot of actual chemistry together. So often a will-they-or-won’t-they couple has a boatload of theoretical chemistry, but then it fizzles. Not with Kurt and Blaine. I believed every second and I’m excited to see where they’re relationship goes from here.
Most Compatible Characters with the Least Compatible Voices: Sadly, Kurt and Blaine As much as I enjoyed seeing Kurt and Blaine together onstage, I have to admit that their voices didn’t really complement each other very well. Each of them is amazing on them is amazing on his own, and they both seem to have a ridiculous amount of vocal chemistry with Rachel, but together? I was underwhelmed. The emotional register was a whole lot smoother than the vocal register, and that’s truly a shame because I have a feeling these two will be singing together a whole lot more. Maybe it was just this particular song that didn’t suit them… They’ve sung together in the past and it sounded good, so here’s hoping for better in the future.
Most Unnecessarily Dramatic Music: The Biggest Loser Okay, seriously, simmer down, Show. I’m pretty sure the contestants won’t be shoved off a cliff or fed to alligators if they don’t lose any weight this week. Jesus, based on the music you’d think it were the END OF THE WORLD. Get a grip.
Least Subtlety: Kathy Griffin as Sarah Palin on Glee You just couldn’t help yourself, could you Ryan Murphy? Funny, sure, but it seemed a little too easy. To boot, they didn’t seem to take full advantage of the situation. It was amusing, but it should have been hilarious.
Most Irritating “Musical” Internet Meme: Friday by Rebecca Black Good god, if only this song were as “fun, fun, fun, fun” as she seems to think her life is. I couldn’t bring myself to embed that piece of shit, but I’m guessing you’ve already seen it anyways.
Best Musical Internet Meme: Ching Chong by Jimmy Wong In response to Alexandra Wallace’s unbearably moronic, ridiculously racist rant, Jimmy Wong responded with a delightfully catchy, hilarious musical rebuttal. Awesome. He most certainly does warrant embedding.
Dumbest Deed: Winona on Justified Oh, for hell’s sake, Winona. Look, I’ve always liked you, but seriously? You took a $100 bill out of evidence to “see if it was real”? Were you planning on taking the rest if it was? Oh, lordy. In what universe was that a good idea? Not this one, apparently. Next week looks to be a nightmare. It’s to the show’s credit that I’m all anxious about the episodes to come. I’m so invested in these characters that it makes me all squicky inside at the thought of them getting in trouble. Seriously Winona, you couldn’t have shoved that bill down your shirt or eaten it or something?! That’s what I would have done.
Most Hilarious Chase: The Geriatric Great Escape on Justified Oh my god, I was laughing so hard when that old, enfeebled bank robber started hobbling toward the plane and soon-to-be-a-senior-citizen Art Mullen came after him. Ha! Oh man, dragging the oxygen tank behind him and everything. So great. I love this show.
Best Finale: Face Off Despite the fact that they picked the wrong winner, this show turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun, reviving the tired routine with a truly original concept. I would have thought that a movie make-up competition in the vein of Project Runway would have been unbearably lame, but it was actually fascinating. The contestants were extremely talented (well, most of them), and the challenges were original and visually appealing. Unlike on Top Chef, where I just have to take the judges word for it, or on Project Runway, where the judges are smoking crack, I was able to form an opinion of who did well and who didn’t and the judges were almost always on the same page. That’s the virtue of a visual medium that isn’t a slave to trends. It’s either well done or it isn’t. That said, I can see where they chose Connor for their big winner, but I would have liked to have seen Gage win. The final challenge required the contestants to revamp a fairy tale with an adjective in mind (Industrial Hansel and Gretel, Psychedelic The Little Mermaid, Post-Apocalyptic Red Riding Hood, Haunted Frog Prince). Sure Connor’s technical precision was impressive and superior (the inflatable throat bubble was particularly good), but I still don’t get how his Frog Prince was “haunted” exactly… Gage’s finale tableau was far more imaginative and interesting, taking Hansel and Gretel and turning it into an urban nightmare where the witch wins. His was far and away the most captivating piece, even if Connor’s was more technically proficient. Anyway, this show has been renewed for next season, so keep an eye out for it. Trust me.
Most Conflicted Send-Off: Prentiss on Criminal Minds This one is a tough call for me. I’ve really enjoyed the Prentiss-was-actually-a-spy-and-now-her-old-enemies-are-trying-to-kill-her storyline. It took a character I liked well enough and turned her into one of the best characters on the show. I’m truly sad to see her go, especially after the show fired JJ earlier this season. I don’t know what the hell the writers are thinking because near as I can tell, they seem to be eliminating all the strong female characters. Maybe they just hate women? No, maybe they just hate interesting women. Blonde for blonde, JJ was, is, and will always be a hell of a lot more engaging than her replacement on the show. I think it wouldn’t sting so much to lose JJ and Prentiss if Seaver were better, but fact is, she ain’t. So boring. So bland. Anyway, Prentiss’ final episode was exciting and epic and befitting her character. That said, the big fakey death scene was over the top and the whole “she’s not actually dead” aspect has been done. A lot. (“So, Cordelia’s going to okay, huh?”) I was less annoyed by it here than on other shows though because it actually made sense for the character. Prentiss was a super-secret international agent. It actually makes sense that she would fake her death (hey, she’s done it before) and make a run for it. It was also nice to see JJ assume a fundamental role in Prentiss’ new identity. JJ didn’t get nearly enough screen time in this episode, but the closing scene between her and Prentiss was a nice touch. I liked that they didn’t show us Prentiss’ face as she walked away. She’s a different person now and only JJ knows the full truth. (It appeared that Hotch was let in on the whole “she ain’t dead” aspect though… not sure how I feel about that.) Anyway, even though part of me would have liked to have seen the show take the creative plunge and killed her off, I’m intrigued to see if she ever comes back. I find that I’m invested in her character now more than ever and would love to see who the new Prentiss is. Paget Brewster has the option of returning to the show next season, and assuming the pilot she’s attached to fails (and it probably will), I’m hoping she takes them up on the offer.
Character Most in Need of Better Hair: Dr. Reid on Criminal Minds I adore my good friend Dr. Reid, but I’m hating the short hair. Hell, he and his long hair were the primary reasons I started watching this show in the first place, thinking to myself, “Well, he’s easy to look at…” But now? Yikes. Seriously, he’s about 70% less attractive with the short cut. Seriously show, you get rid of JJ, Prentiss, and Reid’s hair? All in one season? That's just mean.
Greatest Misnomer: Top Chef All-Stars I beg to differ. This season was supposed to be the best of the best, but I’m unimpressed. I don’t think anyone expected the finals to look like this and I don’t think the judges have been all that thrilled with a high percentage of dishes. Challenge for challenge, contestant for contestant, dish for dish, this ain’t the “All-Stars”. Season 6 was the All-Star season with the Volts, Kevin, and Jen knocking it out of the park. I’m still bummed that Jen didn’t have a better showing this season and I still think she should have been in the finals of season 6. Anyway, all I can say is, I was glued to the screen for season 6, but now? I’m pretty bored and unimpressed. Hell, last night I watched Face Off in full, riveted at every turn, but I quickly skipped to the end of Top Chef just to see who was sent packing. Worst of all? I didn’t even really care who it was. Oh, Tiffany went home? Huh.
Best Guest Star: Enver Gjokai on Community Victor! So nice to see you back in action. Man alive, I love Community but it makes me pine for far too many shows gone by… Dollhouse, you are missed. Sigh…
**Quotes of the Week**
“I just realized we're only on season TWO of Glee. Man, this is going to be a long slog.” --via twitter, courtesy of JenniferArrow. I hear ya, sister.
“Now Lisa Guerrero has set her sights on fraudulent psychics. Or as they’re more commonly known, psychics.” --courtesy of The Dish. You were never quite The Soup, but still a lot of fun. You’ll be missed.
“Next time you’re thinking about dropping in, DON’T. You’ve fucked up our lives enough already.” --Lip, on Shameless. His character has gotten so great. As his mom was pleading with him to give her another chance, he started tearing up and I thought he was going to cave, but then he pushed her away and made it very clear that there are some things you simply can’t atone for that easily. Wow.
Mayor’s Lackey: “Now, don’t go making threats against the mayor. He’s the one who put you in this job. You don’t bit the hand—“ Teresa: “—that is slapping me in the face.” --Teresa Colvin on The Chicago Code, making it very clear that she will be no one’s puppet.
“Why did that soothsayer tell Caesar to ‘Beware the Ides of March’ when he could've more helpfully said, ‘Beware the knives of stabbers’?” --Conan O’Brien, via twitter.
“Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever.’ Watching you do Blackbird this week… That was the moment for me. About you. You move me, Kurt.” --Blaine, finally opening his eyes and seeing what was right in front of him on Glee. Darren Criss really did a lovely job with that scene. Very sincere, but not saccharine. This scene could have easily turned into a sappy, cringe-worthy ode, but it was very restrained, honest, and subtle.
“I don’t even remember putting that in there.” --Brittany, on Glee, regarding the mountain of dirt that spilled out of her locker upon opening it. Oh, sweetie. Just precious. I love Brittany.
“Marrying into Coldplay has long been an acceptable way to break into music #OnionMusicTips” --TheOnion, via twitter. Well, it certainly wasn’t her voice.
“Much as I might like to personally throw Mr. Crowder’s ass in a holding cell, I think a threat against a federal officer would be a little more specific. Something more along the lines of, ‘If you disrespect Miss Crowder again, I’ll beat the ever-loving shit out of you.’” --Art Mullen, becoming more and more badass with each passing episode of Justified. Coming to Boyd’s defense was awesome enough, but to bring Boyd’s seething anger to the forefront while taking the feds to task was even better.
“Well, when someone is threatening a woman that you care deeply for, there is no end to the lengths that you will go to keep that woman safe. Now, I seem to recall you being in that situation a time or two yourself. In fact, I seem to recall you being in the same situation… with the same woman. Ain’t that something.” --Boyd Crowder on Justified. He is far and away the best character on the show. He’s just so calm when he’s taking people to task. He uses a soft, sedated tone that is disarming and terrifying at the same time.
Raylan: “Do you know where I’m from, Asshole?” Bank Robber: “No.” Raylan: “Harlan County.” Bank Robber: “So?” [Raylan punches him] Raylan: “Down there we know the difference between dynamite and road flares.” --Justified. I love how this show takes full advantage of its characters and uses their backgrounds to the fullest. Of course Raylan knows exactly what dynamite looks like. Anyone from mining country would.
I didn't have the time this week to review the new shows in depth and in their own posts, so I've simply included some little nuggets below. The third week of the month is always super-busy for me and I simply couldn't bring myself to trying any harder than this. There really wasn't anything concrete to latch onto with Mr. Sunshine, Mad Love, or Crinimal Minds: Suspect Behavior anyways. On with the show!
Lowest Blow: Shameless This is a show with a lot of low blows, several in the last episode alone, so the bar is set pretty high, er, low... This episode featured Carl (easily the most expendable kid in the family) hitting a high school jock in the knee after he’d already surrendered (he had already had his SAT scores invalidated, so taking out his knee basically ruined his only chance), so on any other day, that would have been the lowest blow, but not this time. After more than two decades of neglecting his children, never engaging in any parental duties or attending the school’s Parents’ Night even once for any of his kids (even when the stakes are high enough that one of them is going to be expelled), it’s revealed that he attended Parents’ Night as Karen’s “Daddy Frank.” The real heartbreaker was watching the younger kids who didn’t immediately understand the implications of Frank showing up to Parents’ Night for someone else’s kid. Man alive, listening to the little kids say that they wanted to go say “Hi” to daddy while Fiona and Lip are devastated was pretty gut-wrenching. Never once did he show up for them, but he shows up for a neighbor. Ouch.
Fewest Awards Given at an Awards Show: The Grammys I have honestly never watched the Grammys before (music isn’t really my thing), but I figured I’d give it a chance on a slow night (plus, my brother and sister-in-law were in attendance, so I cared more). I should have just watched the TLC docu-soap The Queen instead. Not only was it boring as all get out, but I was under the apparently incorrect assumption that awards would be given out. Seriously, 3 ½ hours, and I think there were maybe 5 awards? Is that the norm? Don’t get me wrong, no one wants to hear acceptance speeches, but it seemed really odd to me. And didn’t half those songs come out like 3 years ago? Seriously, none of what was nominated seemed at all recent. It was like there were nothing but Temple Grandins… I fast-forwarded through probably 95% of the show and I don’t think I missed anything… except maybe a bunch of crap I probably wanted to miss… Speaking of which, I have never even heard of Esperanza whatever-her-name-was, but seeing anyone else on the planet win Best New Artist besides Justin Bieber kind of makes her my hero. I'm feeling a sudden urge to purchase whatever kind of music it is that she makes...
Most Logical Course of Events: Scheduling the thousand-year-old Rolling Stones performance right after the “In Memoriam” montage on the Grammys That was after the “In Memoriam,” right?
Most Unwittingly Prohibitive Element of a New Show: The main characters on new CBS comedy Mad Love are named Ben and Kate. I just… I can’t. I realize there’s no way that the writers of the show could know that I already get to watch the relationship woes of my own real-life Ben and Kate (hi guys!), but I just don’t think I can watch the fiction version as well. Too weird. On a semi-related note, is there some new requirement where shows simply must have a Kate? It’s a fine name, to be sure, but I think there’s at least one on 80% of the shows I watch. Anyway, I don’t think cutting Mad Love from my list is too much of a loss. It was by no means the worst pilot I’ve seen, but it didn’t really grab me either. Mad Love is basically How I Met Your Mother minus Marshall, and I already watch HIMYM, so I think that quota has officially been filled. Seriously, it was shockingly similar. Which, dear writers, if you had any chance of avoiding constant comparisons to HIMYM, maybe you shouldn’t have cast Sarah Chalke in the lead (you know, what with her being the probable mother for like 2 entire seasons).
Nastiest Piece of Work: Alderman Gibbons on The Chicago Code This guy is cold and twisted and manipulative as hell… and I’m lovin’ it.
Best Backstory: Little Ricky Castle Erring on the lighter, more comedic side of the crime procedural genre, we don’t often get a ton of backstory for the characters on Castle, and when we do, it’s almost always for Beckett. As such, it was incredibly nice to get some depth on Castle himself this week. He’s the lovable goofball most of the time, but Beckett wouldn’t have kept him around this long for amusement alone, and now we get to see where some of his range comes from. It also served as a motivation for his unyielding dedication to his friend, even going so far as to fight with Beckett. This isn’t just some random friend; this guy made Castle the man his is today (and saved him from being a lawyer). Sooo… in spite of all the murder and whatnot, I say god bless him. (That was a nice twist at the end with the reveal that he actually had killed his father after all. Didn’t see that coming.)
Most Disappointing Man vs. Machine Competition: Jeopardy! When I first heard that Ken Jennings and Brad what’s-his-name would be competing against an IBM computer, I was intrigued to see if the computer could really ascertain the meaning of the questions and respond. Well, turns out it can most of the time, which is impressive, but the actual competition was frustrating as hell. It’s not so much a matter of who’s smarter, or can a computer answer these kinds of questions better than a human, it’s basically proving that computers can ring in faster than humans. Well, no shit! Of course it can. Geez, the looks on the two guys’ faces expressed my annoyance as a viewer.
Person Most in Need of a Brad Falchuk Episode of Glee: Yeah, that would be me. Really? An Ian Brennan episode, then two Ryan Murphy episodes? I thought this week would be a Brad Falchuk! I was utterly crestfallen when I saw the writing credit a few minutes in. Don’t get me wrong, Murphy’s episodes are better than Brennan’s, but at this point, I need more. I was going to label this under “biggest Glee disappointment of the week,” but that contest just got entirely too crowded. If I don’t get a stellar episode soon, I might just be done with the show.
Only Truly Redeeming Element of This Week’s Episode of Glee: Rent Good lord, that was a truly unfortunate array of songs this week. I fully admit that I fast-forwarded through most of them. Oh how I wish they would stick to show tunes. The Rachel/Mercedes Rent duet to Take Me or Leave Me was awesome. Even better? Rachel’s mother, aka Idina Menzel, sang Rachel’s part in the original broadway cast. Double awesome. It almost makes up for the horrendousness of the Bieber crap and I Know What Boys Like (a song which I didn’t think could possibly get worse than the original version). I actually enjoy Sing by My Chemical Romance quite a bit, but it just didn’t feel right here (especially with Finn in the lead—could he please get kicked off the show? Or go mute?). I’m pretty surprised My Chemical Romance even let Glee have the rights to it. Street cred? What street cred? Also, did I fast-forward through the part that explained why they were dressed like lumberjacks? I must have…
Sexiest EV-RY-THING: Kalinda on The Good Wife It kills me that more people aren’t watching The Good Wife. This show just keeps getting better and better. At the very center of the awesomeness? Kalinda Sharma (if that is her real name, and I think we all know that it isn’t). Okay, I thought that scene between her and the FBI woman was hot, but then she and Blake strip searched each other (among other things) and I saw just how tame the previous scene had been. I have always loved the dynamic between Blake and Kalinda and this week it came to a… climax? Sure, why not. There’s a sense to danger and total manipulation in every scene they’re in and here it ended up with a baseball bat to Blake’s ribs. Kalinda may have reduced Blake to a gasping heap on the floor, but his revelation that he had “phoned” her husband was even more of a blow, methinks. Husband?! Holy shit! If that weren’t enough on the sexy Kalinda scale, her relationship with Cary just gets more and more fabulous. They hardly had any time together this week, but their mutual respect, sexual chemistry, and affection were utterly apparent. The look on Cary’s face when he called “Miss Sharma” into his office so that his investigator friend could question her was classic. I also appreciated that at various points during the episode, someone called Kalinda his girlfriend and Blake called Cary her boyfriend. Actually, I think that was Blake for both… Final Kalinda revelation of the evening? She’s officially bisexual. It’s what I had always assumed, but never had confirmation.
Thing I Never Would Have Notice If People Hadn’t Pointed it Out: “Phoned” on The Good Wife I’ve seen every episode of this show and had never noticed that they say “phoned” instead of “called” until someone mentioned it online. Now I can’t not notice it. Thanks a million, random online person. Apparently the regional colloquialisms of the showrunners’ hometown tend toward using “phoned” rather than the more common verbs. Whatever the reason, it sticks out like a sore thumb now, and… it just occurred to me that I have just done to everyone who reads this blog what was done to me... Sorry about that. Now we can all notice it together. Drinking game, anyone?
Best Reason to Lie: Will on The Good Wife Sorry, last Good Wife award, I promise. I know people were bummed that Alicia finally asked him about the phone call and he lied about it, but really, people, what would you have done? What message did I leave ages ago? Well, I poured my heart out, declared my love, then thought you had rejected me fully, so I forced myself to get a new girlfriend that no one likes… but, now that you ask, wanna make out? Yeah, no. He had to lie, people. I certainly would have.
Most Underwhelming Return of a “Friend”: Mr. Sunshine I like Matthew Perry well enough, but his new show ain’t so sunny… It’s a shame really, because it has a stellar cast. It just doesn’t seem to have any plot or actual humor—which is kind of a problem for a comedy. The whole thing was basically one lame set-up after another for Perry to snarkily comment on. Um, yay?
Sharpest Shooter: Tim Gutterson on Justified His character was a sniper with the military (I believe he was with the Rangers), and it's clear to see. This show does an amazing job of infusing the deliberate pace with some truly shocking events. It's amazing how good Raylan is at manipulating bad guys... even convincing them to peek out from behind their cover to see Tim... who summarily shoots him between the eyes. Wowzers/yikes.
Best Reason to Read the Effing Directions: The Vampire Diaries Seriously people? You’re trying to kill the unkillable, you have a manual telling you how to do so, and it didn’t occur to you to read the instructions in full before proceeding?! Oh, for hell’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, it made for an especially exciting and twisty episode, what with having to kill Elijah several times, but honestly, Elena, try finishing the page next time.
Most Welcomed Return: Katherine on The Vampire Diaries I kinda sorta adore Katherine and it’s about damn time she made it out of the tomb. Elena is as bland as it gets, so it’ll be nice for Nina Dobrev to have something to do other than pout.
Most Sub-Par Spin-Off: Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior I had never realized just what a tenuous success the original version was. Apparently, if you take the exact same show, but swap out most of the characters, you’re left with an ersatz cheesefest that was surprisingly boring. The original version works well because of the character dynamics, the direction, the injections of levity, the overall style, and the professionalism. Remove all those elements and you get the spin-off before you. The characters were mostly boring and formulaic. Forrest Whitaker heads this “Red Cell” branch of the BAU and brings very little to the role. I didn’t find him interesting, commanding, or capable of leading anyone. He also sounded like he was suffering from congestive heart failure for the better part of the episode, which made it even harder to believe him as the dynamic leader of the group. Mandy Patinkin brought so so much to the table with the early seasons of Criminal Minds, and here, Whitaker just bored me to tears. What’s worse, his supporting players were just as unengaging. I’ve always been a fan of Jeanine Garafalo, and she was certainly one of the better aspects here, but she still fell a bit flat for me. On top of it all, this show had an eye-rolling about of grandstanding and soapboxing about trust and justice and blah, blah, blah. One the most compelling aspects of the original is that they let the events speak for themselves. I don’t need someone to tell me that these unsubs are horrendous monsters, but Suspect Behavior sure seems to think we do. Maybe it’s simply that I’ve seen too many episodes of the original to take a spin-off seriously. They have the exact same job. It’s hardly even a spin-off. The only ways in which they reinvented the wheel here was to make things worse. This is area that has been covered so many times on the original that there’s hardly room to grow. The original crew has solved just about every conceivable case at this point, and it getting tired in its own right. A spin-off was unnecessary and nigh impossible to do right. Case in point, the case-of-the-week for the Suspect Behavior pilot was beyond lame. The original could get away with something like this because they’ve already covered so much ground, but with these new people, I was rolling my eyes. Also, having seen so many of these, there are very few surprises these days. Little blonde girl goes missing… my first thought? The unsub is a white male in his thirties with a large vehicle. After more info is revealed about his pattern? Well, he must be using these girls as a surrogate for someone he lost. This is not my first rodeo. It’s no viewer’s first rodeo. After this long, it’s the characters that keep a show going, and Suspect Behavior didn’t have anyone I liked (or at least they weren’t showcased in a way that made me want to care about them). I’d recommend sticking with the original. Suspect Behavior wasn’t the worst pilot I’ve ever seen or anything, but it’s inferior to the original in basically every way. Also, it has 100% less Dr. Reid, so really, what’s the point?
Best Reconciliation: Michael and Nikita Man alive, I was wondering when he’d finally forgive her for that Uzbekistan episode, and now we seem to be there. Watching them work together is one of the best parts of the show, so having him hate her with a passion threw a bit of a wrench into the works (or a claymore, as it were).
**Quotes of the Week**
“You can’t beat karate when it comes to regulated, sanctioned violence for children.” --Debbie, who seems to be the bearer of most of the great one-liners on Shameless. Now if we could only get rid of Carl, the cause of this particular one-liner, the show would be all the better for it. Get rid of Frank, too. You know, while you’re at it.
“She says she wants a gift that says, ‘I love you,” but nothing that says, 'I love your more than life itself, please don’t leave me or I may die.’” --Castle, summing up Alexis’ gift-giving conundrum. It’s a delicate balance each Valentine’s shopper aims for, but few succeed. You see, that’s why you simply have no life. No one to shop for = No chance of a social faux pas.
Will: “Who can tell us what an anthem is?” Brittany: “The bottom of an ant’s pants.” Will: “So close.” --Glee, placing the comedic weight squarely on Brittany’s shoulders more and more often.
“Who is Bram Stoker. (I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords.)” --Ken Jennings, summing up what the audience at home was thinking throughout the entire IBM Jeopardy challenge with a Simpsons reference in his final answer. Nice.
Mitchell: “Well, also, it’s a princess theme party, so I guess you just don’t respect party themes.” Cam: “You did not just say that!” Mitchell: “I’m sorry, that was crossing the line.” Cam: “Yes, it was.” --Modern Family
“That’d be a neat trick, escaping the past.” --Helen on Justified, who clearly watches the show she’s in.
“Me and Abed have an agreement. If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We’re gonna get that show back on the air, buddy!” --Troy on Community, with probably the best death plan ever conceived by anyone in the history of the world. I think all Whedonverse fans were like, “Why didn’t I think of that!?” I’m glad we’re all on the same page now.
“Yes. Yes. I would examine very closely Fox’s reasoning — I’m a little gun-shy. If I got $300 million from the California Lottery, the first thing I would do is buy the rights to Firefly, make it own my own, and distribute it on the Internet.” --Nathan Fillion, responding to the question: If Castle had its series finale tomorrow and Fox said to you and Joss: “We screwed up, let’s try doing Firefly again.”Would you do it? Good answer, Mal. Actually, incredibly cruel answer, Mal. Way to get our hopes up with the best plan ever. Maybe Troy and Abed can help…
“Yes, I'm guilty, lawyer man. You found it. Malice. This whole movie was my attempt at getting back at the Internet. Take that, Internet.” --A fictional screenwriter on The Good Wife, defending his Social Network-esque script.
“I for one hope GLEE's meticulously crafted storylines won't suffer as a result of FX picking up a new drama from Ryan Murphy #sarcasm” -- theTVaddict, via twitter, expressing my thought exactly regarding Ryan Murphy’s new project. Usually when a showrunner takes on a new show, the old one suffers, but with Glee? I’m not sure that’s even possible from a narrative standpoint… I’m much more afraid of The Vampire Diaries’ showrunners picking up a new series…
“Set phasers to LOVE ME!” --Troy on Community, once again, expressing his desperation to gain LeVar Burton’s approval with the funniest line I’ve heard in ages. I’m giggling just thinking about it.
“You want it? Take it. It’s yours. And after what you did to Damon, you’re gonna need it more than me.” --Alaric on The Vampire Diaries, requeathing his ring-of-no-dying back to John, with one tinsy weensy caveat.
“Nerds like rejection. See, their thinking is, if she’s interested in you, there must be something wrong with her.” --Birkoff, on Nikita. Well, that explains a lot about my high school dating record...
It's that magical, magical time again. I'm not sure what it is, but this seemed like a really long week. I choose to blame some sort of space time anomaly on the length of this post... In related news, Dear Blogger, try to suck less. Sheesh.
Biggest Fumble: Glee’s Superbowl Episode What the hell was that? Some people were reasonably pleased with the much-hyped post-superbowl Glee episode, but I was completely underwhelmed. I’m sorry, but who the hell put Ian Brennan in charge of their biggest episode ever?! Ian Brennan equals: bad songs, no discernable storyline or plot development, but good one-liners. He can’t be trusted with any episode, let alone the most watched one ever. Sheesh. As far as Brennan’s episodes were concerned, it was fine I guess (better than Funk at any rate), and it had its fair share of classic one-liners, but as is so often the case with Brennan’s episodes, I kept getting the feeling that Brennan doesn’t actually watch the show. All of a sudden Sue is asking the girls to put chicken cutlets in their bras when a few episodes back she was demoting Santana to the bottom of the pyramid for implants? Uh, okay? What’s worse, the songs in Brennan’s episodes almost never have anything to do with the story, which we all know I hate. I wouldn’t say it was a bad episode exactly, but it sure as hell isn’t the one I’d put in front of new viewers. Seriously, show of hands: Everyone who’s sick to death of the whole Glee vs. Football ridiculousness? Half the effing team is in the Glee club. I think even a bunch of dumb jocks would have let it go already. Not that I’m hoping they shift their abuse to the debate team… we have enough problems already.
Oddest Choice: Glee Speaking of Glee and fumbles, why the hell did Fox choose Glee for its post-superbowl extravaganza? It’s not like the show needs the ratings. Another certainty is that anyone who doesn’t already watch Glee probably has a reason for that… I can only imagine the reaction a bunch of middle-aged male football nuts had upon seeing Glee on their screens and the horror at not being able to find the remote. What would have been the better choice, the smarter choice, the better-than-a-snowball’s-chance-in-hell-of-having-some-demographic-overlap choice, would be The Chicago Code. It could certainly have used the viewers and might even have sparked a new hit.
Funniest Ruse: Mama and Daddy Cannon on Glee I know, I know, Glee has made a comeback to the blog in a major way. Even if the episode itself wasn’t a homerun, it still had some great moments. Sue’s entire ruse to get Brittany into the cannon was hilarious, but when she told her that Mama Cannon has fibromyalgia, so she can’t work, I complete busted up. Poor, sweet Brittany. With two little cannons at home and a baby cannon on the way, she couldn’t not get herself killed.
Best New Show: The Chicago Code Hands down, best new pilot of the midseason, one of the best new pilots of the year, and easily one of the best shows on network TV. Here’s hoping it keeps the awesome going.
Most Conflicted Kiss: Ted and Zoey on HIMYM I think I’m about as conflicted with this one as the characters were. Don’t get me wrong, anything that possibly gets us closer to finding the mother gets a gold star in my book after 6 seasons, but as far as potential candidates goes, Zoey ("What is that, short for Zoseph?") isn’t at the top of my list. At this point, I’ll take what I can get though. She’s nice enough, and is getting a lot better. I’ll side with the twitterverse on this one, “True on all counts. RT @hitfixdaniel: Zoey became likable once #HIMYM abandoned her character & [wrote] her as "Jennifer Morrison is cute."” Here here!
Best Guest Star: Denis O’Hare for The Good Wife The Good Wife always seems to have awesome guest stars, and Michael J. Fox is great and all, but Denis O’Hare’s turn as Judge Abernathy is one of my favorites. Not quite as fantabulous a character as vampire king Russell Edgington on True Blood, but O’Hare is great in anything. “And now for the weather. Tiffany?” Best of all? Judge Abernathy was promoting a blood drive. Hehe.
Worst Guest Star: Katy Perry for… does it really matter? It was HIMYM, if you must know, but frankly, it doesn’t really matter what show she was in. She’s takes the cake. “Oh, honey,” indeed. Her “acting” was, well… well, you saw the quotation marks, right? Baaaaaad (and not in a cute, sheep kind of way). Let’s just she somehow managed to make playing herself look difficult.
Most Unfortunate and Entirely Undeserved Promotion: Hilarie Burton on White Collar Ugh. Of all the people who did not need to be made a series regular, she’s pretty much the whole list. What’s worse, it’s not like they didn’t have better options. Alex is sitting right there and is infinitely better than Hilarie any day of the week. I’m sorry, but as far as I’m concerned, anyone who’s ever spent any time on One Tree Hill should automatically be restricted from appearing on anything else. And this is regarding a show that has a Saved By the Bell alum! I think it’s safe to say she’ll be the new love interest in Neal’s life, which means that Compazine will be the new love in mine. Geez, just when I heralded this show for doing things so very right this season, they go and screw things up. Boo. The writers of this show apparently don't understand chemistry because they also seem to think that Neal and Kate had any sizzle at all.
Most Underused Asset: Elizabeth on White Collar The writers only occasionally incorporate Elizabeth into the A-plot (although it seems to be ever-increasing), but when they do, she’s solid gold.
Shadiest Dealings: Bond on The Good Wife Spywaring your colleagues, eh Bond? Well, retribution is at hand. That’ll learn you to cross Will and Diane, but mostly it serves him right after screwing over Kalinda. That’s just beggin’ for punishment. The web keeps getting more and more tangled and I keep getting more and more delighted. Such a great show. How much did you love Will and Diane’s low-five? Classic.
Most Embarrassing Musical Number: Blaine singing “When I Get You Alone” to Captain Gap It’s a pretty high bar, what with two episodes of Glee this week, but wow… that was painful and more than a wee bit creepy. I love Blaine, and I always enjoy his renditions of songs, but that Gap ad was truly unfortunate. I realize that that’s exactly what the writers were going for, but wow. I watched the better part of it through a gap in my fingers. In related news, poor Kurt. Quick note, this was a Ryan Murphy episode (which equals: kind of ridiculous with way too many songs, operating in some sort of parallel universe that resets after each episode), but that means that we should be due for a Brad Falchuk soon! Falchuck equals: appropriate number of songs, well-integrated into a story that actually makes sense. God I hope we’re due for one of those, because otherwise we might need to break up… I should clarify, I wasn’t over the moon with “Silly Love Songs”, but it was still better than the superbowl episode by a long shot.
Badass-iest Return: Justified It’s been nearly a year, but it was well worth the wait. Picking up right where season 1 left off, season 2 kept pace, tied up some loose ends, and sparked a new season with a hell of a lot of panache. With Bo Crowder biting the big one last year, I wasn’t too sure where the show would go with season 2, but it’s even more awesome than I would have guessed. Enter the Bennett clan, stage (er, moonshine still) left. After killing off most of the season 1 baddies in the aptly titled Bulletville (it’s more than geography, it’s a way of life), they’ve seamlessly and brilliantly added a whole new crew of potential foes with a Hatfield/McCoy vibe to them that I’m absolutely loving. Matriarch Mags heads the family and is certifiably badass enough to tackle just about anything, methinks. That closing scene between her and Loretta’s father was hard core. And seriously disturbing. To go toe-to-toe with Raylan, you’ve got to be pretty intense and terrifying, and Mags excels at both, all while plying her guests with homemade Apple Pie Moonshine. She somehow balances warm and motherly with ruthless and deadly from one moment to the next. It’s disarming and scary and fabulous. She’s a force to be reckoned with, and if the previews for the rest of the season are any indication, Raylan does a hell of a lot of reckoning. I love the pace and tone of this show. It’s unlike just about any other show on the air. The writers brilliantly opened this season with a quick trip to Miami (not only harkening back to the pilot, but once again establishing Raylan as a wild west gunslinger, not a metropolitan police officer) which gave audiences a few minutes of what they’re so accustomed to seeing on TV, then switching gears and shipping us back to Kentucky where things are a bit slower, a lot less flashy, and far more grounded. Seeing Raylan in a setting like Miami is always a bit of a shock. He’s almost like an anachronism amid the scantily clad bikini models and million dollar mansions. He’s offered the chance to return to Miami, but Raylan, like the audience, can see that that’s no place for him. One of the things I love most about this show is that it delivers a different brand of good and evil. The good guys and bad guys on this show are just as serious as those on any other show, but the stakes seem a lot more genuine here. There’s no pomp and circumstance, no flashy car chases or slick costumes, it’s a glimpse at a very different culture than we usually see on TV. Indeed, more often than not, rural or Southern characters on any other show are often portrayed as backwater fools who don’t know a damn thing. That’s not really the case and Justified knows it. This show has an entirely different flavor than anything else I watch and gives its characters a whole other world to inhabit. I’m not sure how Boyd is going to factor into this season exactly, but I can’t wait to find out. The thought of him, Raylan, and Mags waging war with one another has me positively giddy. Matt Roush, my favorite critic and my superior in every conceivable way sums it up far better than I can, saying, “Justified is expert at taking the audience by delightful surprise, lulling you with its laid-back attitude, only to jolt you off the couch with a shock of grisly mayhem. But unlike many of its dramatic FX peers, the tone isn't gloomy or nihilistic or cynical. It's a blast.” Agreed. Let the family feud begin!
Crossover I Most Want to See: Raylan Givens makes a quick trip to Miami and has a mojito with Michael Westen Man alive, it seems so completely absurd an idea because Miami and Kentucky may as well be on different planets, but that’s a meeting I’d pay good money to see.
Hottest and Most Ridiculous Retail Item in Mystic Falls: Scarves Seriously, I just need to set up a boutique outside the Salvatore mansion and rake in the cash. “Can I interest you in something from our Animal Attack collection or the equally popular My Boyfriend Drank a Pint of My Blood but I Don’t Remember It line?” At least in Bon Temps people actually noticed the prevalence of scarves and called it into question. In Mystic Falls, scarves are basically the new black. Every single season. I have to wonder why Damon doesn’t bite people in less conspicuous places…
Best Way to Ruin a Dinner Party: Imply that the hostess is a prostitute... Michael, I realize you’re trying to protect Alex on Nikita, but I can’t imagine it’s going to do a whole lot for her cover ID for her neighbors to think she’s a hooker. You know, because that’s not a profession that begs any questions at all. It also makes for the worst dinner ever. “Tonight we’ll be having seared awkward with a side of steamed uncomfortable…”
Quotes of the Week:
“They needed to think of something cooler than ‘Red Matter’ to be the main widget this time around. There were a few dozen meetings involved before they came up with Blue Chocolate, which has half the calories and can turn planets into marzipan. Mmm... marziplanets.” --io9.com, making up reasons why the Star Trek 2 script isn’t done yet.
“Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you? That’s gotta suck.” --Frank, from Shameless, trying to be sensitive at a cancer support group, and kinda sorta failing.
“Just in time for an April 1 release? RT @james_hibberd: 'Arrested Development' creator: Movie may be out this year.” --via Twitter, courtesy of TVWithoutPity. I’ll just file this one under “Sad, but probably true.”
Quinn: “I’m torn.” Santana: “Well, I’m not.” Brittany: “I’m Brittany.” --For all of Glee’s faults, and there are a lot of them, Brittany’s deliveries make the one-liners pure gold.
“I don’t want to die yet. At least not till One Tree Hill gets canceled.” --Oh, Brittany, I should certainly hope OTH gets canceled before you do.
“Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I love scarves.” --I'm guessing Kurt hails from Mystic Falls originally...
“On TV was a typical Mystic Falls local news broadcast. After several dead bodies had been found THAT MORNING, it seems the authorities had decided to skip the whole homicide investigation part and gone directly into memorial service mode. Fair enough. Nothing unusual about a bunch of dead bodies turning up. More animal attacks probably. At this point the town is just like, ‘Well, the animals are in charge now. Moving on.’" --Price Peterson for TV.com, regarding the rash of dead bodies on The Vampire Diaries and the total apathy attached. In the chronology of the show, the entire series has taken like, a couple of months maybe? And at least 87 have died. They must have a hell of a lot of people moving to Mystic Falls on a regular basis or they’d have run out by now. I guess with all the death there were be more than a few jobs open… Hey, it's a tough economy out there, people.
Castle: “Get out of town, he’s right down the crater from me!” Beckett: “Why doesn’t is surprise me that you have property on the moon?” --I like to think he made a few celestial investments back on that “show [he] used to love.”
“He also told me, you poke a bear, you better have a shotgun pointed at his face.” --Jarek, from quality new Monday night option The Chicago Code. That line pretty much sums up the show. You take on a corrupt political infrastructure, you better be prepared.
“I think I’ll overrule that on absurdity alone.” --Denis O’Hare as Judge Abernathy on The Good Wife, hilariously shooting down Michael J. Fox in one of the best courtroom scenes to date.
Peter: [scoffs] “What was my nickname? Burke the Jerk? [pause] Oh, come on!” Neal: “You tell me what else rhymes with Burke.” Peter: “Work. Lurk. Smirk. Clerk works…” --Hehe, oh White Collar, I love it that Peter’s name for Neal was James Bonds, completely badass and something Neal would love, and Neal’s name for Peter was so simple and insulting. Awesome.
Brittany: “Maybe try rocking back and forth, people do that in movies.” Santana: “I just try to be really really honest with people when I think that they suck. You know?” --Ryan Murphy episodes of Glee always seem to have an undercurrent of mean, which is actually the best part. And hey, honesty is the best policy… or whatever.
“It’s the boat buying event you’ve been waiting for!” --I accidentally watched some commercials the other day. Good thing, or I might have missed the nautical retail event of the century! For thousands of years my people have waited for this day…
“Just ‘cause I’ve shot the occasional person doesn’t make me a thief.” --Raylan Givens on Justified, explaining that his proclivities tend toward the deadly, not thieve-y.
Troy: “Why does being a librarian make her even hotter?” Abed: “They’re keepers of knowledge. She holds the answers to all of our questions like, who will I marry, and… why are there still libraries.” --Community, as ever, asking all the right questions.
So much for preconceived notions. I went in to viewing Fox's newest drama The Chicago Code thinking: Cop Show + Flashdancer = Yay?, but I walked away totally impressed. As it turns out, this seems to be a cop show for people who hate cop shows (me! me!).
Okay, so to say I hate cop shows is an over-generalization. I should clarify that I hate cop procedurals. Much to my delight, The Chicago Code looks to be much more of a serial than most of its genre compatriots. When it comes to TV, I'm will to accept just about any conceit, any backdrop, and any genre, so long as what happens in episode 1 actually matters in episodes 2 and 3. Hell, some of my favorite shows fall into genres that don't generally populate my DVR, but a good serial is a good serial, regardless of subject matter. Meth cookers, 1920s gangsters, backwoods Kentuckian drug dealers, US Marshals, Baltimore cops... they're all fair game when the story actually matters.
The story of The Chicago Code matters. It's not just the story of some random cops taking down A-plot bad guys-of-the-week. It's a story about a city, a social and political heritage, and the people born of such a place. The show was originally titled Ride-Along, and having seen the pilot, the change was warranted. This show isn't just looking at the job, it focuses a magnifying glass at the underlying infrastructure of one of the country's most infamous cities and the police who are trying to make a difference. That sounds incredibly saccharine, but when told through Shawn Ryan's lens, it's gripping and effective.
I have yet to watch Ryan's past show The Shield (it's on my list), but having recently loved and lost Ryan's Terriers, I should have known I was in for far more than a typical Fox drama. The show focuses on police lieutenant Teresa Colvin (played surprisingly well by Jennifer Beals) as she uses her new position of power to try to chip away at Chicago's criminal infrastructure from top to bottom. The pilot began with her doing voiceover narration which made me a little leery, but as the episode unfolded, the narrative reins were handed from character to character. It wasn't so much a cheesy device to impart lazy plot exposition as an effective means of introducing characters and giving them some genuine interest and perspective. It felt more like they were narrating the documentary of their lives and their city, complete with artistic flashbacks to their pasts. Passing it from character to character worked incredibly well and got me invested in these people and this show almost instantly, which allowed the show to deliver quite an emotional wallop with only the pilot under its belt.
Along with Beals, Jason Clarke stars as Detective Jarek Wysocki, Colvin's former partner and newest recruit in her war on corruption. There are a lot of ways the show could have taken this dynamic. At various points during the pilot, I expected the standard "she's a hard-ass, he's a loose-cannon" trope, the "they used to be lovers but now they have to work together" storyline, and worst of all, the deplorable "she's a woman in power who's in over her head and needs someone to save her" bullshit. To my delight and surprise, the writers have played against all those predictable and unwatchable conceits and constructed a rather fresh and engaging relationship between them. Wysocki, playing against type, completely respects Colvin, admires her accomplishments, and feels she is eminently capable. Having the lead male actor, the rough-and-tumble bad boy (sort of) of the show show complete trust in Colvin's abilities helped quash a lot of the the potentially problematic gender issues with the show. Other cops, dirty cops Colvin is ousting that is, might point to her sex as a liability and use it as a flimsy excuse for the way things are, but not Wysocki. In this way, the writers are able to address issues of gender without crippling the show under the weight of a tired routine. Colvin won't have to spend every waking minute proving herself because to the people in this show who actually matter, she already has. Along with Wysocki, Colvin's partner (sort of) Antonio, Wysocki's new partner Caleb, and Wysocki's fellow police officers trust and respect her. That goes a long way to improve the narrative and make this a show that doesn't have me rolling my eyes and cringing.
Wysocki and Colvin form the backbone of the show and I'm already rather intrigued with their dynamic. The writers did a nice job constructing a relationship that had an ambiguous past and a limitless future. They were partners, are friends, and you believe it. He's been established in such a way that the audience likes him, values his opinion, and most importantly, can believe that he's comfortable having a woman in power. Something as simple as positing his dream movie star against his partner's went a long way. Where his new partner came up with Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High as his wet dream, Wysocki counters with, "Audrey Hepburn, in anything she's ever been in." To juxtapose the typical, juvenile fantasy of Phoebe Cates (which I type "Cakes" every single time, go figure) taking off her bikini with the pinnacle of class and elegance, they've established Wysocki in a way that makes his relationship with Colvin all the more believable. Going one step beyond that, Wysocki, who can't seem to keep a partner for more than a day, goes so far as to say he prefers a female partner. He's been established as a bit of a player (he's engaged to a 27-year-old, but is still sleeping with his wife), so that may seem to indicate that he's simply a Lothario who'd rather stare at a pretty female partner all day, but when it comes to this job, a cop needs someone who has his back. Wysocki may be a ladies' man, but when push comes to shove, he's as comfortable with a female partner, if not more so, than a male (although his new partner seems to be sticking around, and for good reason--rather than being your typical newb, he's actually pretty talented). You can immediately believe how Colvin and Wysocki worked so well as partners. Neither of them has anything to prove and neither of them has gender hang-ups keeping them from connecting. She's not some power-hungry mega-bitch trying to exert dominance in a boys' club. She's just a cop, trying to clean up the city--a goal in which Wysocki is also invested.
I feel like I'm beating the gender issue to death, but it really could have been a horrendous element of the show and turned out to be one of its strongest assets. As such, I can't help but to elaborate. Adding to the gender dynamics of the show are Wysocki's niece Vonda, a new cop, and her partner. During Vonda's voiceover, we learn that when her father was killed (also a cop), Wysocki took her in, and when she told him she wanted to be a cop, he not only didn't discourage her, he pulled strings to get her into the academy quicker. For a viewer such as myself, confidence in the abilities of women goes a hell of a long way and it endeared Wysocki instantly. The show doesn't go overboard in this arena though. This review is making him sound like a card-carrying feminist, and that's really not the impression he gives at all. More than anything, he simply strikes me as a person for whom gender doesn't really matter when it comes to most things, including the job. It simply isn't a factor that really matters all that much. He was established in such a way that when his niece is injured chasing down a bad guy, he gives her a hard time, but not because "this job isn't safe for a girl" as you might expect from a typical cop show. He simply addresses an error in procedure and tells her to be careful the way he would anyone else. He also gives a tantalizing possible hint at his past with Colvin when he asks Vonda if she's sleeping with her partner (who, it just hit me, is played by Todd Williams, aka Bobby Dershewitz on In Plain Sight (!)), saying, "Trust me, being partners is enough to handle." Or something like that. Does this point to something more in his past with Colvin? Or has he simply been around long enough to have seen the fallout before? Whatever it is, I'm thoroughly intrigued. Add to that the fact that Vonda swears she isn't sleeping with her partner, but that she later reveals that she's terrified something might happen to him, and the waters are delightfully muddied once again. They set Colvin and Wysocki up in such a way that a romantic pairing at some point isn't out of the question, but it's very clear that this show isn't hinging on the "will they or won't they" shenanigans of other shows. They have a very different vibe than that at this point and I appreciate it.
Now that I've spent 5 pages establishing just how much of a non-issue gender is, I can move on to the rest of the show. Please try to keep the Hallelujah chorus to yourselves. At the center of the narrative is Colvin's fight against corruption from the top down. The pilot creates an overarching storyline that will allow for the show to grow into nearly any direction it wants to. High ranking city alderman Patrick Gibbons (played to perfection by Delroy Lindo) is as corrupt as they come and is more than willing to kill to maintain power. When Colvin and Wysocki start to uncover some of his shadier dealings, things get even messier than they already were (Gibbons having hired a hit of a whistle-blower who could have exposed his operations). As Colvin recruits Wysocki to form a special task force to look into Gibbons' brand of crime, he takes decisive action. In what came as quite a jarring surprise, the narrative reins had been handed over to Colvin's partner Antonio who was in the middle of giving details about his upbringing, how Colvin had saved him from the streets and encouraged him to be a cop, when his story is cut short. His narration and flashbacks stop almost mid-beat as he and Colvin are gunned down in the street. I honestly didn't see it coming, and even though I only just met these characters, I was emotionally invested in the outcome. That simple narrative device helped establish everyone on the show and help catch viewers completely off-guard. It's not often that I truly care about a set of characters by the end of a pilot, but when Antonio died, it was upsetting. He was a character that I already liked and wanted to learn more about. Killing him off in the pilot not only sets a certain tone for the show and gives these characters additional motivation to take down the city's criminal overlords, but it lets viewers know that this show doesn't pull any punches and that nothing can be taken for granted.
I was a little apprehensive about this kind of show airing on network TV, fearing it couldn't be as gritty or dark as the setting might require. To be honest, I'm a little afraid of just about anything airing on network TV anymore. Cable, especially premium cable, affords so many more options to a show. It's getting to the point where watching a program that has to endure the confines of network standards and practices is taxing, so especially for a show with this kind of subject matter, the Fox label was a bit unnerving. To the show's credit, they actually did a really nice job with it. There were certainly times when I felt they were holding back a bit, but it didn't ruin my enjoyment of the show. In a chuckle-worthy turn, the writers added a narrative quirk for the cleaned-up dialogue by giving Wysocki a distaste for profanity. It was an obvious nod to network confines, but I couldn't help but believe that a guy who adores Audrey Hepburn might also deplore cursing. I'm still a bit apprehensive about how far they'll be able to take such a construct on a big four network, but based on the pilot, I'm hopeful they can pull it off.
Overall, this was a slick production. The budget is clearly there, and the writing and directing had enough uniqueness and style that it had a different vibe than most of what's out there. In spite of network confines, they did a very nice job establishing Chicago as the often notorious city that it is. The story will likely have procedural elements, but there's no escaping the underlying storyline that runs through everything. My only major concern with the show is that I had to dub Jason Clarke Detective Mumbly Mumbleson. Good lord, between his native accent sneaking in here and there, his varying Chicago accent, and his soft, mumbly, word-jamminess, I had a hell of time making out what he was saying a lot of the time. I went back and turned on the subtitles for most of it. While it was annoying as hell, the very fact that I cared enough to make sure I caught every word speaks very highly of the show.
Here's hoping his enunciation and the sound editing is better in the future... and for me there certainly will be a future. It's not often that I set my DVR to record a series after only the pilot, but it's safe to say that The Chicago Code looks to be a winner. It's far and away the best new pilot of the midseason and if Fox had any brains at all, they would have given it a post-superbowl debut.
about is one of the first to get the axe. The Chicago Code was a surprisingly smart and engaging show for network TV, which I guess means it was doomed. And another one bites the dust. The list of network shows that I watch has been in precipitous decline for the past few years now, and it's gotten to the point were I can count them on one hand. The Chicago Code is a pretty painful loss. It wasn't a perfect show (the writers didn't seem to know what to do with Vonda and Isaac most of the time), but compared to the other network schlock it was up against, it was head and shoulders above most other shows. Shawn Ryan deserves better. He's a fine showrunner who always producing quality programming. So let's face it. He didn't stand a chance.
