CBS: Standard Operating Procedurals

It finally happened. After spinning CSI off into every possible direction, CBS finally decided they'd spun it as far as it would go... we hope...

Apparently CBS (and the world at large) has finally had their fill of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, and Without a Trace (yep, that was spun off of CSI, in case you didn't know). Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not absolutely dying to see CSI: Boise or anything, because I think we're all gearing up for that one, but honestly, there are only so many ways you can tweak a procedural before it's overdone...

Or so one would have thought.

Yes, that's right. Although no new offerings of CSI are plaguing CBS's new fall line-up, two of the very few new shows slated to run are procedurals (because clearly CBS didn't have nearly enough). Quick TV lesson: A "procedural" is a show that involves a case or a mystery that is solved each week. The central A-plot of each episode (or series of episodes) revolves around the steps taken to solve whatever it is the characters are trying to solve. Shows like Criminal Minds, Cold Case CSI, and Law & Order are crime procedurals. A show like House is considered a medical procedural. Even Pushing Daisies and Veronica Mars could be considered procedurals in that there's a mystery each week to be solved. When you look at CBS's line-up, I kid you not, more than 2/3rds of the programming falls into the crime procedural category. And from looking at the new fall season, clearly they're trying to push that into 3/4ths territory... Yay... I can hardly wait... [Sarcasm sufficiently noted? Super, let's move on.]

Not that I hate procedurals, but they're completely overdone as far as I'm concerned. Between the family of CSIs and the brotherhood of Law & Orders, the amount of related programming at a wedding of the two would make a Bristow/Derevko reunion look positively sparce by comparison. It's kind of ridiculous, but here we go with two more charming additions to the bloodbath.

First up, The Mentalist

Per CBS:

The Mentalist stars Golden Globe Award nominee Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, an independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI), who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation. Within the Bureau, Jane is notorious for his blatant lack of protocol and his semi-celebrity past as a psychic medium, whose paranormal abilities he now admits he feigned. Jane's role in cracking a series of tough high-profile cases is greatly valued by his fellow agents. However, no-nonsense Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon openly resists having Jane in her unit and alternates between reluctantly acknowledging Jane's usefulness and blasting him for his theatrics, narcissism and dangerous lack of boundaries. Lisbon's team includes agents Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby and rookie member Grace Van Pelt, who all think Jane's a loose cannon but admire his charm and knack for clearing cases.

Hehe. Yeah, so he works for the CBI? Seriously? That's about as close to spinning him off into a CSI as they could get without actually doing so. Way to branch out, CBS. Anyway, here are a couple of clips to show you just how different and edgy this show is going to be:



Apparently the well of TV serial killers has all but run dry, because seriously? Red John? That's your bad guy? I can just see the writers' room: "Red Bobbie Ray? No, not threatening enough... Red Harry? Problematic on several levels... Red Rover? Red Baron? Simply Red? All taken... Red John it is!"

Anyway, to the show's credit, it has Simon Baker in the lead, and he's a pretty decent actor who could certainly anchor a show. Whether or not he's compelling enough to anchor this particular show has a lot to do with him, but much more to do with the show's writing. Having not seen an episode yet, it's hard to judge, but given that he'll have to overcome a hackneyed concept and the almost non-existent acting range of Robin Tunney, I defintely have my reservations. Oh, Robin Tunney. Just keep staring blankly off in to space, Sweetie. She's so bland. I really wish she just would have died off in the House pilot (she played the kindergarten teacher in the first episode), then this wouldn't be an issue...

Here's another clip that gives a bit more in the way of story direction:



In spite of the glut of shows in this particular genre, I'm a bit hopeful for this one. Simon Baker is charming enough and I'm at least mildly intrigued to see his connection to Red John and why he is who he is. It smacks of a more serious version of Psych, but I'm hearing it's actually takes a very different tack. The buzz around the show has been fairly limited, but pretty decent overall.

THE VERDICT: It all really depends on how much you love procedurals. It's by no means my favorite genre, but when it's done right, I can definitely get sucked in. For me, the balance of procedure and character development is key. I err on the side of more character, less step-by-step case solving, so when character development is limited, so is my viewing. I'll be giving this show a chance, but I doubt it will garner a reserved slot in my viewing schedule. I'll more than likely DVR this bad boy and watch it whenever I get an opening.

Next up to bat... Eleventh Hour

Once again, per CBS:

Eleventh Hour, from acclaimed producer Jerry Bruckheimer, follows Dr. Jacob Hood, a brilliant biophysicist and special science advisor to the government, as he investigates scientific crises and oddities. His jurisdiction is absolute and Hood is dogged in his pursuit of those who would abuse and misuse scientific discoveries and breakthroughs for their own gain. His passion and crusade is to protect the substance of science from those with nefarious motives. He is called in at the eleventh hour and he represents the last line of defense. Special Agent Rachel Young is the decorated FBI protection officer assigned to watch Hood’s back.

This show is based on a British series that starred Patrick Stewart, so right off the bat (note continued lame baseball cliches), I have to approach with prejudice. American imports are only very rarely any good and almost never exceed the quality of the foreign version. However, The Office managed to borrow from the Brits and turn it into one of my all-time favorite shows, which in my opinion, is even better than the British version (which set the bar pretty high). I'm not as hopeful for this one...

Here's a teaser trailer:



Not a DELICATE situation!!! Run! Anyway...

It looks like this particular procedural is taking a hint of the X-Files bent as it tries to retool an overworked genre... I'm hearing that the stroyline in this promo has actually been deemed too squicky for a pilot, so the show has been reworked and the events that would have appeared in the pilot will not appear in a later episode. Historically, NOT a good sign.

I do enjoy Rufus Sewell, however, so I'm trying to force myself to give this a shot. Now, while Sewell always does a great job, I don't think I've ever seen him NOT play a bad guy, so seeing him on the side of truth and justice comes as a bit jarring. Add to that the fact that he has an obligatory hot blond, played by the ever-imposing Marley Shelton to serve as protection, or whatever, and you've got an uncertain premise to work with. "Hi, I'm Bambi! I'll be your bodyguard/will-they-or-won't-they love interest. Just let me get my espionage boots on and I'll be ready for protectioning! Hehe!"

And then there's Marc "I suck the life out of every scene I'm in" Blucas. He made Buffy painful to watch and I don't anticipate any change here. He must have an uncle or cousin with some mob ties or something because I have a hard time seeing how he ever gets cast in anything. He was pretty decent in the episode of House that he was in, but he happened to be dying at the time, so it was unduly satisfying to watch.

And then there's the Jerry Bruckheimer angle. May God have mercy on our TVs. He's produced a few winners in his day, but did anyone see Pearl Harbor? I'd have sooner been present at the actual bombing than have sat through that dreck. It would have been considerably less painful. Oh, the humanity! His presence does not instill confidence...

Anyway, here's another clip to flesh out the experience:



The storyline seems weak and like they're imbuing it with a false sense of urgency and doom. They're really just trying a little too hard to be edgy and cool and it's coming off as creepy. And the whole "I'm the one they call when things go wrong" angle is always hard to pull off, so I'm fairly skeptical of this one. It's all been done, folks, and I'm just not confident that they'll be able to re-invent the wheel successfully.

THE VERDICT: I'll DVR it, but I'm not going to hang on too tightly. This one just doesn't strike me as having much staying power. I don't anticipate hanging in there past the pilot. This one just isn't grabbing me and what little buzz there has been isn't exactly glowing (not that it's terrible, but it merits no hype, that's for sure).

I'd much rather see the British version, quite frankly...



Patrick Stewart can pull off even the weakest of storylines. Rufus Sewell? We'll just have to wait and see.

Fall TV Previews

I have been slacking on my blog lately... This is a fact that has been brought to my attention several times and by several people (as long as all those people are Flavia). :) As anyone who works within 20 feet of my cubicle can attest, I've been all sorts of out of sorts lately and have hardly been able to get through each day, let alone compose a blogpost when I get home. It is a regretable situation and I'm hoping it changes. Very soon. Like, I just might start wearing teal velour jumpsuits if it doesn't let up soon.

Along with the overall craziness of late, I opted not to read the fourth installment of the Twilight series (no, it's not a saga--bite me, Meyer), so I've had very little to mock. I think I'm actually starting to miss that daily dose of unholy torture... Remember the time she tried to seduce him...? Awww, memories. Wait, no, that didn't have quite the proper inflection. Ah-he-hem. AHHHHH, the memories!! Make it stop! Therrrre we go. Just right. Anyway, I've been reading the completely kick-ass Watchmen lately instead, and as there's pretty much nothing to mock, my well of snark has all but run dry of late.

Adding another level of disconcertion to my current situation, the fall premiere line-up is sad, sorry, and underwhelming this year. Fall is usually my season! I'm the MVP of pilots! This is usually the time when I play the TV stockmarket, making picks, dodging bad investments, and going all in on shows I think are going to succeed. But, thanks in VERY large part to the writers' strike, my options are looking pretty meager this year. (Annie, I may need you to help me with my stock-related jargon, because clearly I have no idea what I'm talking about--it just struck me as the most viable metaphor...) The TV season is in the depths of a bear market (that's right, right? Annie? Little help?). The strike cut most (well, practically all) shows short last season, and even more tragically, all but decimated pilot season. Typically, countless shows are pitched to the networks and only a handful of what they believe to be the best actually make it to air. Well, with crapitude like Cavemen and Bionic Woman making it on the air when there was a bull market, I'm not sure I even want to know what kind of dreck is going to make it on the air in the coming weeks.

Fortunately (and most unfortunately), whatever kind of dreck it is, it will be very, VERY limited. In all my years of being a TV aficionado (well that didn't sound too granny at all now did it--"You know, back to days when we had to walk to school uphill both ways in the snow. Get off my lawn, ya whippernsappers!"), I have never seen such a slim slate (the alliteration sale comes twice a year) of new programming to play with. Last year was a bountious (huh, I thought there was an "e" in there somewhere, but no) feast of shows, most of which I at very least gave a shot to. AND, most importantly, I walked away from last season with a near-perfect record. The shows I gave up on got axed, the shows I stuck with got picked up. Take THAT...you, TV... programmer...people. Okay, so I'm not sure who I beat, but reverting back to my weak-ass stockmarket metaphor, last season I totally scored like 50 million points! Dollars? Chips? ALF Pogs? Nas-snacks? Annnnd, I'm out of my depth. The stockmarket is a bit of a mystery to me... I basically think of it as a noisy game of keno. Hey, little blip on a screen for little blip on a screen, they could seriously be cousins.

Anyway, in an effort to be a better blogger and tap into my passion for TV as best I can with such a craptastic slate to work with, I'm offering a Fall TV Preview that will give you all the dish I have on new shows and whether or not they're worth giving a chance (which most often, they aren't). If I'm going to be the major league TV watcher that I've dreamt of being since I was a little girl, I'm going to have to step up to the plate (oh, whoa, you thought my stockmarket metaphor was bad, just wait till I tackle baseball... which I don't think I will...).

I think I'll start off with a little show called My Own Worst Enemy starring the late (well, close enough) Christian Slater.





Wow. I tell ya what wow. This little gem is an obvious Jekyll and Hyde take-off and as far as basic premises go, it could be worse. As far as execution goes, I'm not so sure it could. Now, I try not to judge a show too harshly before I've actually scene it, but those two promos alone were just about enough for me. I don't think it would be pysically possible for them to be trying harder to be cool. I fully expect at least one ofChristian Slater's personas to be sporting 4 popped collars at some point in the pilot.

The voice-over cracked me up. I particularly liked the line about him having the perfect family given that the wife has already been re-cast with Madchen Amick whom you may recognize from her role as Sherry (Christopher's wife) on Gilmore Girls. Perfect wife, indeed. Both of them. Hey, maybe she's got a double personality thing going as well... Or, more likely this soon-to-be train wreck just can't decide whose career they'd like to destroy.

He's a regular guy. Who's also -- wait for it -- a highly trained government operative! Wow! Cool! A government operative?! How novel! Yeah, no. Seriously, who isn't a highly trained government operative? There must be a serious glut in the market for secret government operatives these days, I tell ya what. If The Golden Girls had premiered in the past 10 years, you can be certain Betty White would be packing heat and Rue McClanahan could speak Farsi and Mandarin fluently while taking down security guards at the old folks' home with her Brazillian jiu jitsu training.

Then the voice-over gets stuck in a full-on, Milli Vanilli-style loop of, "This is Henry. This is Edward."

This is cheesy. This is lame.

Oh, trying so hard to be dynamic and captivating and cool, and falling so very, very short.

Awww, but the piece de resistance, the be all and end all of "we're trying so hard to be badass, puh-lease think we're badass!" is the totally hackneyed, overdone, thoroughly cheesetastic shot of Hedward tossing the cell phone and walking away from the explosion. Only thing is, the sound effect used was that of an old forensic camera, not a detonator (or a cell phone). Yeah, I'm pretty sure they plucked that sound wholesale from Silence of the Lambs. It's a cool sound and all, but I have to assume that the cell phone was a camera phone and he was documenting the blast as evidence.

The VERDICT: It looks pretty bad, folks. I'd suggest My Own Worst Enemy start getting its affairs in order and saying goodbye to its loved ones (meaning however many wives get cast in the role). I'll be checking out the pilot, but it'll be for comedic reasons. I expect NBC will keep this precious little nugget around for the whole season, but mainly because NBC doesn't have much else going for it. This show will get sub-par ratings, but won't completely tank. It's a decent premise, but I have no confidence whatsoever that they'll pull it off.

Oh, and Hedward's last name is Spivey. Seriously, writers? You can choose any last name in the whole wide world for your protagonist and you pick Spivey? It makes me wonder about other decisions the writers may have made.

Annnnd finally, the big bad guy will be played by the sweet old man from Babe. Not exactly enough to strike terror into the hearts of viewers.

That'll do, Hedward. That'll do.

Insanely Awesome Chuck Season 2 Preview

For all those kiddies out there who don't watch Chuck, you have no idea what you're missing! It honestly took me a few episodes to fall in love with the show, but now I completely adore it. Their first season was cut short by the strike, so the season 2 premiere is going to kind of be a "re-launch" for the series. Henceforth, even if you missed season 1, you can totally jump into the show now. It may look like Alias, but unlike that most-hallowed of spy shows, missing a few episodes of Chuck won't completely derail the entire narrative for you. It's easy to catch-up and catch-on.

Chuck is just one hell of a fun series and I recommend it to all. It's hilarious and exciting and just and all-around delight. Check out the preview below and you just might get as sucked in as I am. New TV! Yay!

New Twilight Trailer

My review of New Moon is almost complete, but until then, below is the new teaser trailer for the Twilight movie. I'm honestly thinking that the movies will be a lot better than the books, and that just doesn't happen very often. The girl they got for Bella isn't quite what I had in mind, but the more I see of her the more she seems to be working for me. I'm sure the film will have its cringe-worthy moments, don't get me wrong, but it's looking better than the book so far.

Oh, and the African-American fellow who is playing Laurent is Edi Gathegi, who is the same guy who played Cole on last season of House. The girl playing Victoria was on an episode of Veronica Mars, so even though her hair isn't nearly as fiery as one would hope, I have to like her by association. ;)

Pacey with the Fringe on top...

So, after Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, the second most hotly anticipated new show for the coming season would have to be J.J. Abrams' pet project Fringe. From what I'm hearing, it's a little bit Alias, and quite a bit X-Files, both of which I positively adored, so I'm thinking Fringe has a lot of potential. Plus, it has Joshua Jackson of Dawson's Creek fame, so that definitely raises an eyebrow. I'm excited. Very excited. TV, whoo!

Fringe Trailer


Chase Scene from Fringe


J.J. Abrams talks about Fringe


Interview with Joshua Jackson and Anna Torv

WALL-E vs. Short Circuit

Given Pixar's track record, I am looking forward to their new production, Wall-e, with quite a bit of giddy anticipation. I've never been particularly enamored of robots, so I was a bit apprehensive at first, but let's face it, cars really don't do anything for me at all (aside from getting me from point A to point B), and I loved Cars anyway. Granted Cars wasn't my favorite Pixar outing, but still a solid picture that I thoroughly enjoyed. Wall-e premieres later this month and I'm pretty excited. The reviews have been nothing but positive so far, and, aside from the threat of children being in attendance at the theatre [insert cold shudder and annoyed glare], I fully expect to be completely enthralled.

In several of the reviews I've come across lately, however, there have been more than a few, rather disconcerting comparisons to the 1986 craptasticness that was Short Circuit. While I admit there's a certain similarity between the physical designs of Wall-e and Number 5, I'm hopeful the similarities end there.

This trailer for Wall-e makes me quite hopeful:



Compare the charming trailer of Wall-e to the unbelievable creep-fest that is this scene from Short Circuit... I think we can all agree that Short Circuit set a very low, very quease-inducing bar that Wall-e won't come anywhere close to...



To quote the I Love the 80's review of this scene, "Oh geez... are they gonna make out?" Yikes and double yikes.

Dollhouse Trailer

It's official. I'm giddy. ;) Joss Whedon's new project, Dollhouse, is looking to be as completely awesome as I would have hoped. It doesn't premiere until January 2009, but I'm gearing up for it now. Given that it's on Fox, I had my reservations initially, but I've heard rumor that TPTB at Fox have agreed not to screw Joss over this time, so here's hoping.

AND, there's finally a trailer out for it. Yay!