CBS: Standard Operating Procedurals

It finally happened. After spinning CSI off into every possible direction, CBS finally decided they'd spun it as far as it would go... we hope...

Apparently CBS (and the world at large) has finally had their fill of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, and Without a Trace (yep, that was spun off of CSI, in case you didn't know). Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not absolutely dying to see CSI: Boise or anything, because I think we're all gearing up for that one, but honestly, there are only so many ways you can tweak a procedural before it's overdone...

Or so one would have thought.

Yes, that's right. Although no new offerings of CSI are plaguing CBS's new fall line-up, two of the very few new shows slated to run are procedurals (because clearly CBS didn't have nearly enough). Quick TV lesson: A "procedural" is a show that involves a case or a mystery that is solved each week. The central A-plot of each episode (or series of episodes) revolves around the steps taken to solve whatever it is the characters are trying to solve. Shows like Criminal Minds, Cold Case CSI, and Law & Order are crime procedurals. A show like House is considered a medical procedural. Even Pushing Daisies and Veronica Mars could be considered procedurals in that there's a mystery each week to be solved. When you look at CBS's line-up, I kid you not, more than 2/3rds of the programming falls into the crime procedural category. And from looking at the new fall season, clearly they're trying to push that into 3/4ths territory... Yay... I can hardly wait... [Sarcasm sufficiently noted? Super, let's move on.]

Not that I hate procedurals, but they're completely overdone as far as I'm concerned. Between the family of CSIs and the brotherhood of Law & Orders, the amount of related programming at a wedding of the two would make a Bristow/Derevko reunion look positively sparce by comparison. It's kind of ridiculous, but here we go with two more charming additions to the bloodbath.

First up, The Mentalist

Per CBS:

The Mentalist stars Golden Globe Award nominee Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, an independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI), who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation. Within the Bureau, Jane is notorious for his blatant lack of protocol and his semi-celebrity past as a psychic medium, whose paranormal abilities he now admits he feigned. Jane's role in cracking a series of tough high-profile cases is greatly valued by his fellow agents. However, no-nonsense Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon openly resists having Jane in her unit and alternates between reluctantly acknowledging Jane's usefulness and blasting him for his theatrics, narcissism and dangerous lack of boundaries. Lisbon's team includes agents Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby and rookie member Grace Van Pelt, who all think Jane's a loose cannon but admire his charm and knack for clearing cases.

Hehe. Yeah, so he works for the CBI? Seriously? That's about as close to spinning him off into a CSI as they could get without actually doing so. Way to branch out, CBS. Anyway, here are a couple of clips to show you just how different and edgy this show is going to be:



Apparently the well of TV serial killers has all but run dry, because seriously? Red John? That's your bad guy? I can just see the writers' room: "Red Bobbie Ray? No, not threatening enough... Red Harry? Problematic on several levels... Red Rover? Red Baron? Simply Red? All taken... Red John it is!"

Anyway, to the show's credit, it has Simon Baker in the lead, and he's a pretty decent actor who could certainly anchor a show. Whether or not he's compelling enough to anchor this particular show has a lot to do with him, but much more to do with the show's writing. Having not seen an episode yet, it's hard to judge, but given that he'll have to overcome a hackneyed concept and the almost non-existent acting range of Robin Tunney, I defintely have my reservations. Oh, Robin Tunney. Just keep staring blankly off in to space, Sweetie. She's so bland. I really wish she just would have died off in the House pilot (she played the kindergarten teacher in the first episode), then this wouldn't be an issue...

Here's another clip that gives a bit more in the way of story direction:



In spite of the glut of shows in this particular genre, I'm a bit hopeful for this one. Simon Baker is charming enough and I'm at least mildly intrigued to see his connection to Red John and why he is who he is. It smacks of a more serious version of Psych, but I'm hearing it's actually takes a very different tack. The buzz around the show has been fairly limited, but pretty decent overall.

THE VERDICT: It all really depends on how much you love procedurals. It's by no means my favorite genre, but when it's done right, I can definitely get sucked in. For me, the balance of procedure and character development is key. I err on the side of more character, less step-by-step case solving, so when character development is limited, so is my viewing. I'll be giving this show a chance, but I doubt it will garner a reserved slot in my viewing schedule. I'll more than likely DVR this bad boy and watch it whenever I get an opening.

Next up to bat... Eleventh Hour

Once again, per CBS:

Eleventh Hour, from acclaimed producer Jerry Bruckheimer, follows Dr. Jacob Hood, a brilliant biophysicist and special science advisor to the government, as he investigates scientific crises and oddities. His jurisdiction is absolute and Hood is dogged in his pursuit of those who would abuse and misuse scientific discoveries and breakthroughs for their own gain. His passion and crusade is to protect the substance of science from those with nefarious motives. He is called in at the eleventh hour and he represents the last line of defense. Special Agent Rachel Young is the decorated FBI protection officer assigned to watch Hood’s back.

This show is based on a British series that starred Patrick Stewart, so right off the bat (note continued lame baseball cliches), I have to approach with prejudice. American imports are only very rarely any good and almost never exceed the quality of the foreign version. However, The Office managed to borrow from the Brits and turn it into one of my all-time favorite shows, which in my opinion, is even better than the British version (which set the bar pretty high). I'm not as hopeful for this one...

Here's a teaser trailer:



Not a DELICATE situation!!! Run! Anyway...

It looks like this particular procedural is taking a hint of the X-Files bent as it tries to retool an overworked genre... I'm hearing that the stroyline in this promo has actually been deemed too squicky for a pilot, so the show has been reworked and the events that would have appeared in the pilot will not appear in a later episode. Historically, NOT a good sign.

I do enjoy Rufus Sewell, however, so I'm trying to force myself to give this a shot. Now, while Sewell always does a great job, I don't think I've ever seen him NOT play a bad guy, so seeing him on the side of truth and justice comes as a bit jarring. Add to that the fact that he has an obligatory hot blond, played by the ever-imposing Marley Shelton to serve as protection, or whatever, and you've got an uncertain premise to work with. "Hi, I'm Bambi! I'll be your bodyguard/will-they-or-won't-they love interest. Just let me get my espionage boots on and I'll be ready for protectioning! Hehe!"

And then there's Marc "I suck the life out of every scene I'm in" Blucas. He made Buffy painful to watch and I don't anticipate any change here. He must have an uncle or cousin with some mob ties or something because I have a hard time seeing how he ever gets cast in anything. He was pretty decent in the episode of House that he was in, but he happened to be dying at the time, so it was unduly satisfying to watch.

And then there's the Jerry Bruckheimer angle. May God have mercy on our TVs. He's produced a few winners in his day, but did anyone see Pearl Harbor? I'd have sooner been present at the actual bombing than have sat through that dreck. It would have been considerably less painful. Oh, the humanity! His presence does not instill confidence...

Anyway, here's another clip to flesh out the experience:



The storyline seems weak and like they're imbuing it with a false sense of urgency and doom. They're really just trying a little too hard to be edgy and cool and it's coming off as creepy. And the whole "I'm the one they call when things go wrong" angle is always hard to pull off, so I'm fairly skeptical of this one. It's all been done, folks, and I'm just not confident that they'll be able to re-invent the wheel successfully.

THE VERDICT: I'll DVR it, but I'm not going to hang on too tightly. This one just doesn't strike me as having much staying power. I don't anticipate hanging in there past the pilot. This one just isn't grabbing me and what little buzz there has been isn't exactly glowing (not that it's terrible, but it merits no hype, that's for sure).

I'd much rather see the British version, quite frankly...



Patrick Stewart can pull off even the weakest of storylines. Rufus Sewell? We'll just have to wait and see.