Week-In-Review 3.4

Okay, yeah, so March can't end any sooner. The dearth of new programming is starting to take a serious toll, people. April usually fares a bit better, and then, of course, May is sweeps. Lousy Smarch programming... Honestly, when there's only one new show to watch on a Thursday, you know you're in trouble.

Worst Costume Design/Most Frightening New Pilot: Wonder Woman
Wow, I hardly even know where to start with this particularly train wreck... Man alive, I was worried for this reboot before I saw the costume design courtesy of Entertainment Weekly. Now? "Yikes" just doesn't quite seem to do it justice... It looks to be even worse than I’d feared. I guess it’s good to know that Howie’s Halloween Bargain Bin is getting some much needed business though… Seriously, it could not look any cheaper and couldn’t make Adrianne Palicki look any worse. She’s actually a very pretty girl (check her out as Tyra Collette on Friday Night Lights for a shocking comparison), but with dark hair and the smashed breasts make her look terrible. Her face looks oddly mannish here, which, for a character by the name of Wonder Woman, probably isn’t the direction they were hoping for. I’m going to have to side with TWoP on this one. “Days later and we still think that Adrianne Palicki would have been better off in some Wonder Woman underroos.” I'm not sure how appointed David E. Kelley as the head of this disaster, but between him and this costume, I'm afriad. Very afriad.

Best Casting Choice: Ian’s Biological Father on Shameless
Um, wow. Nicely done, casting director person! Seriously, I’m guessing Cameron Monaghan’s actual father doesn’t look that much like him. Freaky.

Least Believable Knowledge Gap: Robin on HIMYM
I actually thought the concept of everyone having a “knowledge gap” was pretty entertaining, but after several years of establishing Robin as a Canadian who misses being up north, the thought of her not knowing that the North Pole is a real place is ridiculous, even for this show. And not knowing that reindeer are real? Absurd. There are a billion gaps they could have given her, but for some reason they settled on the most unbelievable of them all. Did the writers do this on purpose to make Robin look even dumber than we thought, or did they casually forget who the character is entirely? Who knows.

Best Pick-Up News: Southland
I wouldn’t say this is my favorite show by any stretch, but it’s a quality program with incredible performances week-to-week and deserves another season. Anything to stick it to NBC for canceling them in such a shady way in the first place is a win in my book.

Somehow, Most and Fewest Eliminations: The Biggest Loser
I have never really cared for this show, but various people in my office watch it, so I caved. I hate being on the outside of a conversation, so I figured I’d tune in for the fast-forwarded version. I did that for a few weeks, but then my scheduling got too full and I had to bail on it. Well, with March upon us and reruns in full swing, I finally got back to it. After this long, I assumed I’d see maybe 6, considerably thinner contestants left. Well, everyone was thinner, but there were still 11 people left. And if that weren’t enough, they brought back another one! And then they eliminated a guy who didn’t want to go home, and kept a girl who did. I realize they’re trying to make things more exciting here, but it’s mostly just lame. And at the rate they keep bringing people back, the season will end sometime around Christmas. Of next year.

Best Shipper Name: Esplainie on Castle
You know, because they’re always “esplaining” things. Solid gold.

Best Meta References: Castle
Speaking of shippers, hats off to Castle for addressing the crazy fans out there head-on, and in the most charming way possible. They somehow managed to take on obsessive shippers, bloggers who rail against the shows they love, and the fervor over their own will-they-or-won’t-they setup, all without pissing off anyone who actually falls into those categories. Well played.

Shittiest Luck: Basically the entire cast of Shameless
Boy, this just keep going from bad to worse for these people. This week’s episode set the dominoes in place, and in the finale few minutes, nudged that first one into the next. Sunday’s finale promises a wide array of crazy as the rest come tumbling down. Oh, Officer Tony. Way to go, champ. Surely sending Lip and Ian to jail is the way into Fiona’s pants, right?

Second Shittiest Luck: Winona and Raylan on Justified
Last week’s episode felt a little out of place and kind of like a filler episode, but when you combine it with this week’s denouement, it turns out that it was actually a thrilling two-parter that should have been aired on the same night. After last week, I was a little skeptical about how things played out. Why the hell would Winona have taken a single bill to the bank to see if it was real? Was she going to go back for the rest? That’s a terrible plan! Well, with this week’s episode, it all makes a lot more sense. She took the whole lot first thing, intending on spending it, then realized that perhaps the reason it was in lock-up for so long was that it was counterfeit. That’s why she went to the bank with the one bill, then changed her mind as she realized the ramifications of showing up at a bank with a fake bill. This in no way means her actions weren’t incredibly stupid, but at least there’s a rationale behind it. Man alive, the payoff in this week’s episode was well-worth the ambivalence over last week’s. In true Hitchcockian brilliance, the audience becomes a co-conspirator with Raylan and Winona as they try desperately to put that money back where it came from without getting caught. With the audience being the only ones privy to every moment, it became unbearably nerve-wracking as their every attempt failed, then was one-upped with even more danger. So great. And, while lesser shows would have put us through all that and then had them get away scot free, Justified gives us some resolution without the rose-colored glasses. Winona gets the money back into evidence, but not without Art Mullen becoming slightly suspicious of our good friend Raylan. I’m just so glad I can breathe again now that the money has been taken care of that I’m more than happy to live with a little unsubstantiated suspicion.

In Related News, Most Terrifying Performance by an Inanimate Object: Winona’s stupid, ugly, incriminating bag on Justified
I must have thought to myself, “Oh, for hell’s sake, Winona!” at least a hundred times because of that bag…

Most Deafening Silence/Longest Elevator Ride Ever: Justified
After enduring an entire episode of unbridled anxiety, the money is returned, Winona’s leather bag is empty, but that’s only just the beginning. Wow, I wouldn’t have wanted to have been in that elevator after all that. Really, after something like this, what do you say? What can you say?

Slumpiest Sophomore Year: Modern Family
This week’s episode was better than the last several, but that must mean that the bar has been lowered considerably from season 1. I’ve never been as over-the-moon about this show as most people (finding it to be more amusing than uproarious), but in season 1, I walked away from most episodes with a few hi-larious quotes and several memorable moments. This season? It’s more medium-larious than anything else and on a far less frequent basis. I guess I’m just not finding a whole lot to latch onto this year. Long story short, where Community has upped its game in season 2, Modern Family has declined. Community has always been a better comedy, but now, the gap is more noticeable than ever.

Biggest Dick: Mike on Top Chef All-Stars
Can I tell you how irked I am that he’s in the finale? Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather see Blais trounce him than Antonia, but that also means that we have to see yet another episode of Mike and his insufferableness. He’s suck a prick. Even when he’s trying to be complimentary, he’s a bastard. Way to undercut Chef Bernstein by specifying that she’s “one of the top women chefs,” rather than simply “one of the top chefs” in the country. Nice back-handed praise for one of the guest judges there, jackass. I swear to god, if he wins this, fans will revolt. Come on Blais, don’t you dare choke… you know, like you did the last time (why yes, yes I will continue to pour salt in that wound if I think it'll motivate him to suck less this time around!)

Strangest, Yet Ridiculously Common Pronunciation: Jaguar on Top Model
I don’t know where people get this idea, but I have heard more than a few people over the years pronounce “jaguar” as “jag-wire”. It’s not even kind of spelled like that and in spite of my best efforts to find a dictionary out there that has that as an alternate pronunciation, I fell short. There are only two pronunciations of “jaguar” that I’ve ever come across in a dictionary. “Jag-wahr” and the chiefly British “jag-yoo-ar”. I’ll happily take either. Not that I should be expecting much from top model contestants, but this weirdness extends beyond just them. So weird.

Best Mash-Up: Pulp Fiction and My Dinner with Andre on Community
I love this show. Best comedy on TV. I’ve never actually seen My Dinner with Andre, but now I might just have to. “I’ll never forget My Dinner with Andre dinner with Abed.” Classic. Only this show could managed to blend two such disparate movies into a TV show that's not only hilarious, but also has emotional depth. Impressive.

Best New Acronym: THL—Tight Heavy Lid
Courtesy of Community, of course. Should prove useful...

**Quotes of the Week**

“You shouldn't have to do fucking Glee…. The guy is so offended that we're not, like, begging to be on his fucking show. Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee. ... I watched 10 minutes. It's not my thing.”
--Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters. I couldn’t agree more. I enjoy Glee well enough (although this season has been rough), but I find myself thinking a little less of certain musicians who allow their music to be used on the show. If I had my way, they’d do almost nothing but showtunes, which showcase the cast’s talents the best and which help tell a story a whole lot better. Sorry Ryan Murphy, but I’m with Dave on this one. Stop being such a baby and taking offense when you get turned down.

“Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date”
--The Onion makes my day.

“We call this color: I was saying Royal Blue-urns.”
--Shirt Woot, making my day with a reference only true blue-urns Simpsons fans will appreciate.

Martha: “After my character married his character, Joseph Fox, she was kidnapped, buried alive, trapped in a cave with bears, uh, kidnapped again, and held hostage in the sewers of Paris.”
Beckett: “How long were you on the show?”
Martha: “Three weeks.”
--Castle, regarding Martha's stint on a daytime soap.

“George. I choose you.”
--Mitchell on Being Human (UK), who keeps breaking my heart. I’m afraid for the rest of this season, peeps. Very afraid.

Alicia: “It’s my daughter. She thinks I drink too much.”
Kalinda: “You know what your problem is?”
Alicia: “I don’t drink enough?”
Kalinda: “You didn’t get your tubes tied.”
--The Good Wife. Word. (Sorry, Jahn, I know you like Grace.)

Alicia: “You crossed the line.”
Eli: “…Which one?”
--The Good Wife. I don’t talk about him much, but Eli Gold is one of the best characters on TV. It makes the frequent absences of Chris Noth a little easier to endure. Alan Cumming, you’re my hero. Or, as my brother would say, “Nightcrawler really deserves his own show.” Agreed.

"There's nothing clear about the air around coal."
--Probably the most prophetic and subtly pointed lines ever spoken on Justified.

Raylan: “He has had my back on two occasions. Once was the last day I was in the mine, and the other, not so long ago.”
Carol: “My, that sounds like a love story.”
--Justified, pointing out what the audience already knows. This show may be about a lot of things, but the relationship between Boyd and Raylan takes the cake.

“He will be amazing & adored, then Fox will cancel him after 14 eps.”
--Nathan Fillion, via twitter, responding to tradertiki’s comment, “My wife and I just named our son Malcolm Reynolds....”

“And all the while there was Winona's tan leather bag, brimming with stacks of smirking Benjamin Franklins, mocking us at every turn. Just sitting there. Like a bag. But it was anything but a bag. It's always fantastic when an inanimate object becomes a central character in a show or film, and halfway through the episode I wanted to punch that bag in its non-existent face or roughly pull its zipper back and forth until it caught on something and got stuck. Take that, bag!”
--Tim Surette on TV.com, expressing my thoughts toward Winona’s bag far more eloquently than I could.

“Cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.”
--Abed on Community, noting the awesomeness of his friends’ Pulp Fiction costumes. Cool to the fifth, really. I loved how earlier in the episode Annie had said that they’d get at least five “cools” from Abed, and then they did.

Troy [near sobbing]: “They said market price! WHAT MARKET ARE YOU SHOPPING AT?!”
--Community. I always love the little… geez, what do you call those little scenes at the end of a show that come after the narrative has already been wrapped up? Well, whatever they’re called, Community does them better than anyone. They always leave you will a hilarious little nugget to hold onto.

Week-In-Review 3.2

Well, kiddies, March is upon us. That's means we're in for a major slump in new programming. February is a sweeps month (hence all the explosions and whatnot), and shows end their seasons in May (yet another sweeps month), so March is the wayward middle child who gets no attention. Quite frankly, it it weren't for cable, I'd be in sorry shape right now. Anyway, there may be some slim pickins in the weeks to come, but here's what struck me this week.

Saddest Kiss: Being Human (UK)
This show has the most amazing ability to balance the utterly hilarious and the completely heart-breaking. It never does anything in the straight-forward way that you’d except and always keeps you on your toes. Having alluding to an Annie/Mitchell hook-up in previous episodes, viewers knew something was coming, but I don’t think any of us expected the long-awaited kiss to come in such a devastating way. Poor Mitchell. Guy just can’t catch a break. Honestly, you slaughter a few people on a train and everything just falls apart.

Mediocre-est New Show: Breakout Kings
I neither liked nor disliked this show enough to write a full post about it. Plus, with it airing on A&E, I’m probably the only one who saw it anyways. It’s essentially the Mod Squad, but with the US Marshals holding the reins and the convicts only allowed out of prison for each case. It’s a concept that’s been done a million times because it’s usually pretty successful. With Breakout Kings, I think we have an unfortunate case of “Lots of potential, failed execution.” It wasn’t a total disaster, but if I had to sum the pilot up in two words or less, I’d go with “seriously flawed.” Those were actually the first words out of my mouth as the pilot drew to a close. The real problem with the show is that the writers seemed to be having a hell of a time coming up with things for the convicts to do. It really shouldn’t be that hard to find awesome uses for their criminal talents, but the pilot basically had one guy pick a lock, the token hot chick hit on a guy to steal his cell phone (I got the disconcerting feeling that the writers seriously didn’t know what to do with her character) and get free breakfast, and the ever-present socially-awkward genius on these shows (he’s basically Dr. Reid) determined that a girl was telling the truth. Um, yay? For a concept like this, I was surprisingly bored. The Dr. Reid of the show is the real star and was the only character that I actually invested in. He’s played by Jimmi Simpson (who played Mary in the Mr. Yang episodes of Psych) and he’s the only actor who really brought anything special to the table. I don’t think he’ll be able to make up for the rest of the cast, but he made it worth it for me to give the show one more week. Theoretically, this show should be exciting and awesome, so maybe there’s still a chance. After only the pilot, however, I’m very tempted to just stick with White Collar for all my cop/criminal alliance needs. I’d give the Breakout Kings pilot a C-.

Most Heavy-Handed, yet Ambiguous Metaphor: Soda Destruction on Shameless
So… as a card-carrying English major, I’ve been trained to look beneath the surface, but not always with successful or pleasant results. At first glance, a vigorous sex scene between Karen and Lip intercut with a scene of Carl tossing a 2-liter bottle of soda off a ledge and exploding on impact (“Shatter-proof, my ass…”) seemed mildly incongruous. After about a second and a half of thinking however, I can’t decide if the exploding soda was a metaphor for sexual climax or it goes beyond that and points to a condom breaking (in which case, an unfortunate pregnancy storyline will likely be forthcoming). I’m hoping for the former, but I have a sinking feeling it’s the latter.

Most Devastating Reunion: Mama Gallagher on Shameless
This show was little hit or miss at the beginning, but in recent episodes it seems to have really hit its stride. Sunday’s outing was excellent in general, but really became a force to be reckoned with in its final scenes. I’d been wondering whatever happened to their mother (Monica) since day one, and now we know. Turns out, Frank was the better parental option. Ouch. To have their mother desert them in the first place must have been devastating, but to have her return intent on taking the younger children? That’s just unbearably cruel. Especially for Fiona, who was forced to step in and be the mother for the past two years. Man alive, seeing Carl and Debbie hug Monica after she asks to be their mother again was like a punch in the face. It’s understandable that 9 and 10 year old kids would be able to look past the desertion in the interest of getting mommy back, but that doesn’t take away the sting. This show does a wonderful job of exploring how different a family dynamic is for younger and older children and it always shows on the faces of the older kids just how screwed up things really are.

Best Reason to Reunite with an Ex: House
I broke up with this show at the beginning of this season, but, upon hearing about Monday’s episode, decided to tune in. A singing, dancing, piano-playing House? Um, yes please. Aside from the boring-as-ever random patient of the week, it was a wonderful episode that managed to take an unbelievably tired routine and make it something special. Asking Mia Micheals to choreograph was the first step in the right direction. The other genre nods were entertaining and all, but the warped Busby Berkeley number was tremendous.

Soundest Termination: Charlie Sheen
Um, WINNING. (That would be society.)

Most Ridiculous Deluge of New Pilots: Click HERE for a list of all the newest pilots and the array of talent attached to them. Please bear in mind that a pilot being filmed does not mean that a show will necessarily show up on your TV anytime soon (or ever, in a lot of cases). From what I’ve read, there may be a few winners this coming fall, but by and large, it’s more of the same shit.

Most Disconcerting Tease: True Blood promo for season 4
Well, Eric has apparently lost his memory… which, at a thousand years old, is quite a lot to lose. I’m not sure how I feel about this. Eric is the primary reason I watch the show, so if Eric isn’t Eric, does it make a sound? You know what I mean.

Best Attempt at a Return to Form: Glee
So, after over a month of nothing but lackluster, disappointing episodes courtesy of Ian Brennan and Ryan Murphy, we finally got a Brad Falchuk episode to ease the pain. It wasn’t one of his best episodes, but even his worst attempts are generally better than his fellow writers. What’s this? Emotional resonance and character development?! Huzah! I could live without the PSAs though, I have to say. Dear Glee, Let the action speak louder than words. If the narrative is strong enough, you don’t need to have your characters say exactly how you feel about an issue. Sheesh. I keep expect that “The more you know” star to shoot across the screen.

Gag that Would Have Been a Whole Lot Awesomer if Arrested Development Hadn’t Done it First (and Better): Glee’s rendition of Afternoon Delight
It was still pretty funny, but it mostly just made me pine for the good old days. Indeed, the discussion of Arrested Development’s version with the fam made me miss half the Glee edition.

Best Game Changer: The White Collar season finale… with Neal’s storage unit of fun.

Best Performance: Michael Cudlitz for the season finale of Southland
To be fair, it was hard to pick just one actor who stood out (the cast on that show is amazing), but I think Cudlitz takes the cake (or the vicodin, as it were). “I’m a cop,” he notes upon checking into rehab for substance abuse… Understated, yet heartbreaking, as always. Well done.

Most Obviously Political Decision: Carla is sent packing on Top Chef, not Antonia
Based on their dishes and the judges initial perceptions of those dishes, Antonia should have gone home. Her dish was poorly conceived and poorly executed. Carla’s dish at least had a promising idea behind it. But, Antonia has been a shining star lately, and is a favorite to win, so the judges and producers of the show gave her a pass. Don’t get me wrong, of the four finalists (who happen to be some of the least-likely All Stars to make it this far), she’s really the only one who can really challenge Richard Blais. He’s really the only finalist that I really thought would be a finalist. I’ve been pulling for his since day one, but he’s been revealed to be kind of a dick in these past few episodes, so now I don’t really care who wins. So long as it’s anyone but Mike Isabella, I’m happy.

Toughest Love: Mags Bennett on Justified
Wow… This show has a slower, more deliberate pace than most which lulls you into a comfort zone just in time for moments of absolute horror. The smooth Kentucky feel actually makes the terror more effective because you just never know when a quiet conversation over Apple Pie Moonshine might turn into a murder. Most recently, Mags’ brand of justice reared its ugly head on Coover’s hand… with a hammer. Yi-hikes.

Most Refreshing Dismissal of Protocol in the Face of a Disastrous Showing: Face Off
This show usually allows the challenge winner to recommend someone to go home to the judges, but after Megan’s spectacular failure in the disguise challenge (she basically just gave herself a spray-tan and a wig—my god! It’s like she’s disappeared!), the judges thankfully dismissed with the formality and just sent her packing immediately. Look, Megan, I realize your facial prosthetics weren't working (what with your total lack of skill and all), but it would have been more admirable to have presented sub-par prosthetics than to have given up completely. Ridiculous. And the judges knew it. No need for a recommendation, no need for discussion or deliberation, she was the clear loser and everyone knew it. Way to not waste my time, show. Much appreciated. Had you sent her home three weeks ago like she deserved, I’d have been even more impressed, but this works too.

Best Reason to Rewatch Season 2 of True Blood: The only new show that evening is Bones
Yep, I had a brand new episode just sitting there on the DVR, yet I opted to rewatch True Blood instead. The only reason I recorded it in the first place was because of the total lack of anything else, but even that wasn’t enough incentive.

Clearest Indiacation that Someone at Jeopardy is a Batman Fan: The two competitors challenging returning champion Mike were named Harley and Quinn
You have no idea how much this made my day. There's no way that was a coincidence. Those just aren't common enough names. They were even standing in the right order with Harley in the middle and Quinn on the far right. Harley Quinn! Ha! I love it!

**Quotes of the Week**

Library Aide: “I’ve got a signed first edition of Harry Potter.”
Debbie: “Overrated. Made a better movie than a book. And now with all those kid actors grown up, they’re scarier-looking than the villains.”
--Debbie, on Shameless. I assume she was mainly talking about Ron… (Boy, I’m not generally fond of kids on shows, but little 10-year-old Debbie is fantastic.)

“I thought we were supposed to be the scary ones!”
--George, Being Human (UK). No, George, I’m afraid you’re just adorable. Well, most of the time…

“It wasn't always known as White Collar. The series was pitched as Commuted, with the tagline: ‘He ended his sentence with a proposition.’”
--Oh dear lord, that’s fabulous! I don’t love the title Commuted in and of itself, but that tagline cracks me up. The English major within is very, very happy.

Neal: “I haven’t lied to you, Peter. I’m not lying to you now. I didn’t steal the art.”
Peter: “I think you did.”
Neal: “Then prove it. Prove it.”
--Oooh, next season of White Collar is going to be insane, people. Ahhhh!

“Love these ‘Thousands Of Fish Die’ stories. They raise a lot more excitement than our ‘Thousands Of Sudanese Die’ stories.”
--via twitter, courtesy of BrookeAlvarez from The Onion News Network. Gotta love The Onion.

“You’re like the hillbilly whisperer, Raylan.”
--Art noting Raylan’s way with hicks on Justified.

Final Week-In-Review for January

It's that magical, magical time again. Friday. Here are my ever-growing thoughts on all the crazy that went down this week.

Best Advertisement: the Parents Television Council’s condemnation of… well, anything
As you know, I was thoroughly underwhelmed by the water-down, tamed and lamed US version of the British classic, Skins. But, as with so many shows before it, even the cut and censored version annoys the ridiculous, puritanical Parents Television Council… which makes me want to give the show another chance. Anything that gets their dander up gets a few extra points in my book. Heh, I’d have loved to have seen their take on the real version. They’re just so spectacularly stupid to think that their condemnation with cause fewer people (especially kids) to watch the show. Nothing made me quite so happy as when Gossip Girl used quotes from the PTC as their ad campaign, because really, that’s exactly what the PTC is doing. They’re basically telling kids exactly what they should be watching. Well, I’m no kid, but I’m suddenly much more likely to watch the US version of Skins… even if it could never hold a candle (crack pipe?) to the original.

Best Kiss: Castle
How could I not put this on the list, I mean really. Sometimes characters have great theoretical sexual chemistry, but then it’s all awkward and uncomfortable in reality. Not the case here. The steamy Castle/Beckett lip-lock wasn’t awkward at all. They’ve always had a really flirty, friendly kind of vibe going, so it just makes good sense that the sexual chemistry works as well as it does. Best part of all? Castle’s flustered reaction afterward. Hehe. Oh, Nathan Fillion. Always good for a laugh.

Best Remake: the US version of Being Human
I’ve actually had this one saved on my DVR for over a week. After the spectacular failure that was the US remake of Skins, I was understandably apprehensive about yet another seemingly unnecessary remake. Well, much to my delight and surprise, Being Human is actually good. Really good, I dare say. The major difference is that unlike Skins, the US Being Human didn’t simply take the exact same characters with the exact same names and film a pilot that was almost scene for scene the exact same show. I spent the Skins pilot feeling like I was listening to a bad cover-band. Being Human took the same base concept and characters, but made it their own in a lot of little ways. The US version starts several months prior to the UK version, so it was able to establish these characters in a slightly different way. By using this tactic, it felt like I got to see something new, but also got to see a bit of an origin story for characters that I kind of know. I say “kind of” because the US versions of Mitchell, George, and Annie are similar in substance, but quite different in tone. The US Mitchell (renamed Aidan) is more cool and casual than his enthusiastic UK cousin. The new George (now Josh) is more sardonic than hysterical, and the new Annie (Sally) is more down to earth than flighty. It gave the show a slightly different vibe and made it seem fresh and new, even though at its core, it’s essentially a show I’m already familiar with. They have tweaked all the original characters (the new Herrick (some of the shoes that would be hardest to fill) is awesomely played by Dexter alum Mark Pellegrino, who gives the character a new persona), and new characters have been added. George/Josh has a sister who, at the end of part 1 of the pilot, is in an incredibly precarious situation. To the show’s credit, after only half a pilot, I’m kind of dying to see what happens. They established these characters in a way that didn’t seem like a bastardized rehash, but rather as an inspired reimagining. I was surprised at how much I loved part 1 and I can’t wait for part 2. I was so sure I would hate this, but at the end of the day, it felt like a different kind of experience than the UK version. The original is clearly superior in many many ways, but I’m surprisingly excited to see how the US team makes it their own. I’m as shocked as you are, but this one seems to be a winner whether you’re a fan of the British series or not.

Best Vindication (the blast from the past edition): Sex and the City
Okay, so this comes about a decade late, but as you all know, I’m catching up on shows that I missed back in the day. I’ve really been enjoying Sex and the City (a hell of a lot more than I ever would have thought). Anyway, I just watched the episode where Carrie runs into Big’s new wife and she’s determined to look fabulous at a luncheon they’ll both be attending (you know, so she can save face and one-up the woman who won Big’s heart). Well, after Natasha (Mrs. Big) can’t make it to the luncheon to see Carrie looking divine, Carrie feels like she lost… until she gets a card from Natasha thanking her for attending the luncheon and lamenting the fact that she was sick. Nothing says vindication quite like poor English skills… “‘I wish I could have been their.’ T-H-E-I-R.” This of course means she has to immediately call Miranda with the good news about Natasha. “It’s a good thing she got married, because she’s an idiot!” Ha! Seriously, it’s like when you see a facebook status or a blog post from someone you hate and you notice that the grammar is horrendous. It just makes you feel good inside. Like pie. (Please keep in mind that I never proofread, so I’m sure I’ve had more than a few foibles in my day. It’s only when it’s someone I want to destroy that it’s truly satisfying…)

Charmiest (?) Third Time: Shameless
After a so-so pilot and a thoroughly disappointing episode 2, Shameless appears to have finally found some footing with episode 3. Engaging, funny, emotionally resonant, and interesting, the show’s third outing proved to be their best yet. I think the more the show focuses on the kids and the less screentime it gives to William H. Macy, the better the show. Fiona’s the real backbone of the family, but I think Lip and Ian are quickly becoming my favorite family members—especially as a pair. This show has been incredibly uneven thus far, but I’m hopeful the writers recognize what they have with these two and starts gearing the show in their direction. I really loved that Lip was more than willing to take a beating for his brother and thought nothing of it. The dynamic between the two of them is the best part of the show, and Ian is quickly turning into the best character.

Most Recent Discouragement from Getting Married: Perfect Couples
I’d say “biggest discouragement,” but that’s a really, really high bar, so we’ll stick with “most recent.” Perfect Couples was perfectly irritating. I made it to the end of the pilot, but just barely. I’ve said before that married couples are apparently boring (at least that’s what TV would have me believe)… Well, I’ll see my “boring” and raise me a “completely grating.” Painfully unfunny, too. Yeah, not adding this sucker to my rotation.

Best Immunity Prize: White Collar
Sure, winning immunity on a cooking show is fun and all, but at the end of the day, who the hell really cares? I much prefer White Collar’s brand of immunity because it comes with an origin story, not just a pass. All I can say is, it’s about time they gave us some background. I can see where they might have wanted to hold off till this late in the series (although I’m hearing that was a network decision, not a creative one), but with a set up like White Collar’s, I think it should have come a long time ago. Up till now, the audience basically knew nothing about Kate and spent every single episode of the show being slightly annoyed that Neal is so obsessed with this random face who has had no character development whatsoever. I defy you to find a fan of this show who was truly upset by her getting blown up last season. This show needed to establish her character in a way that had the audience truly invested in her and in her relationship with Neal. Last night’s flurry of flashbacks helped fill in a lot of blanks, but in terms of Kate, I think it might have been too little too late. It was nice to see that she can speak and all, but I still didn’t really buy the character. I think a different actress could maybe have invigorated the role, but the girl they got was just dull (entirely too dull for someone like Neal to really care about). I had always tried to give the show the benefit of the doubt and created a Kate in my head that was enigmatic, charming, and elusive, but now that I see her in the flesh? Meh. Neal can do a hell of a lot better. It makes the fact that he got arrested for her all the more irksome and ridiculous. Really? For her? Blanda Blahington? The rest of the flashback offerings were outstanding, however. It was great to see how Neal met Mozzie (hilariously toupee’d and goatee’d), how he became the man his is today (sort of—I’d still like to see where he originally came from), and how he and Alex got involved. Man alive, I love Alex. Sooo much more than Kate. She actually has an edge and has some genuine chemistry with Neal. The interplay between them is always sexy and fun to watch. Anyway, the writers did a lovely job keeping the continuity consistent with what we already know and nodding at little tidbits of knowledge (like the Raphael) that were seemingly irrelevant until now. Nicely done, show. Very nice.

Best Moniker: Bonds. James Bonds.
Once again, kudos to White Collar. I love that Neal’s FBI name (you know, before he and Peter actually met and became friends) was something so badass. You could see that it was killing Peter to admit that Neal was so impressive as to deserve such a moniker.

Darkest Matter: Breaking Bad
Yeah, so… started watching Breaking Bad on DVD. Damn… that show is dark. Good, but dark. I’m only a couple of episodes in, but it’s seriously reminding me of that episode of The Black Donnelleys where they have to dispose of some dead guy in a barrel. I’m as desensitized as it gets, but that doesn’t make watching guys dispose of a body pleasant to watch… it just makes it bearable.

Least Tempting Show Saved on My DVR: Chuck

Deadliest Custody Battle: Southland
Well, if True Blood is mommy and Southland is daddy, I think we now know who the judge sided with on the Kevin Alejandro custody trial. As is so often the case, mommy is keeping the kid. I realize that Kevin Alejandro is a regular on True Blood, so something had to give with his gig on Southland, but wow. That’s rough. And unfortunate on any number of levels. I actually kind of adored Detective Nate Moretta and seeing him killed like that was brutal. What’s worse, his partner Sammy is still with us. I’ve hated Sammy for a good long while (mostly because of his grating relationship with this wife), so to see Nate bite the bullet while Sammy walks away? Ouch.

Subtlest Simpsons Reference: Criminal Minds
It’s the little things that count. In terms of subject matter, Criminal Minds is about the unfunniest show on the planet, so when you’re watching an episode that slips in a joke, it’s much appreciated. As Garcia is looking into the deaths of convenience store owners in surrounding states, one such unlucky victims information displays on her computer screen with “Name of Victim: Apu, N.” She didn’t actually say the name, so you had to be paying attention, but it’s still nice to have something funny inserted into the "torture porn" that is this show.

Saddest Countdown: The Vampire Diaries
“One… Two…”
Three. I guess that’s more of a count-up, but still. I was never a huge fan of Rose, but last night’s heartbreaking death really hit me. I guess the good news is that after suffering for the better part of the episode, Damon helped her die peacefully… in his arms… as he created a fantasy in her head. Still sad, but I can think of worse ways to go. If that weren’t sad enough, Damon has to go and break my heart again at the end. Poor guy just can't catch a break.

Quotes of the Week:

“One million PTC members can’t be wrong.”
--Matt Webb Mitovich from TVLine.com, regarding the US version of Skins, which he included on his list of shows worth watching this week. All of sudden, I’m inclined to agree.

“Look, I may not have a badge, unless you count the chocolate one Alexis gave me for my birthday, but I’ll tell you this, like it or not, I’m your plucky sidekick.”
--Castle, from, well, Castle.

“Well, if you need me, I’ll be across the street in the bushes, stalking you. [pause] I saw you smile!”
--Steve, trying to win Fiona back after royally screwing up on Shameless.

“Wow, I don’t even need a corkscrew.”
--Neal, regarding Peter’s cheap choice of wine on White Collar.

“Well, that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.”
--Dean Pelton, admiring Joel McHale on Community, the way all good people do.

“Dude, you have no idea how messy things are about to get.”
--Birkoff, assessing the total ass-kickery that’s about to ensue when Nikita and Michael square off against a gaggle of security guards.

Week-In-Review

By the time Friday rolls around, I've generally watched a hell of a lot of TV. I often have little opinions that don't warrant an entire post, so I'm adding a new feature to my blog: The week-in-review. Enjoy! (And I'll try to keep it to shows that actually aired for the first time this week, as opposed to something that happened on Lost five years ago.)

Best Guest Star: Fred Weller for The Good Wife
You’d think this nod would have to go to Leelee Sobieski for the very same episode of the very same show, but she elicited little more than, “Oh, it’s Leelee Sobieski. Huh.” Whereas Fred Weller brought forth hand clapping and an excited “US marshal Marshall Mann!!! Eeeee!” Hats off to The Good Wife for bringing back guest stars when you least expect it and in the twistiest and most conniving possible ways.

Worst Performance by an Inanimate Object: the cape

Worst Performance by an Animate Object: Mr. "The Cape”

Funniest Indicator of a Sexual Relationship: Ian Gallagher and his boss on Shameless
Upon entering the convenience store and seeing his brother and his brother’s boss awkwardly stocking shelves, Lip realizes who Ian has been sleeping with by simply noting their attire. You’d guess that his assumption was based on disheveled shirts or missing articles, but no, it’s all in the shoes, with Ian and his boss each wearing one white and one black sneaker. “You’re fucking him?!” Oops. Aside from the fact that his brother is sleeping with his boss, which Lip didn’t know, Lip also didn’t know for sure that Ian was gay. Well, he does now.

Most Titillating Preview for Next Week’s Episode: Um, CASTLE!
Yeah, so being the TV maven that I am, I had seen a picture of Castle and Beckett either just before or just after a kiss, so it isn’t a total surprise here, but I’m still quite excited for it (what with it having been building for the past 2 1/2 seasons and all). I'm also a little afraid of it… I’m confident this will simply make things more interesting and complex, but there’s always a chance that it will simply quash any and all sexual chemistry they once had… It’s happened before…

Most Justifiable Reason for Screwing-over your Colleague: Southland
After listening to recovering addict Office Dewey spout off about AA, rambling incessantly, and make racist remarks for an entire episode, Michael Cudlitz has finally had enough after he rails against a couple of female police officers for having the guts to call him on his shit (hats off to Regina King for finally smacking him in the face). After listening to Dewey call them “bitches” about a dozen times, Cudlitz does what anyone would do. He stops at a convenience store for coffee (where a fellow unit happened to be), waits for Dewey to go inside, then drives away (with Ben McKenzie in tow). While I had to feel bad for the poor officer who got stuck with Dewey after that, it’s hard to argue this one. It made me love Cudlitz character about 300% more, even if it meant that Chickie got screwed. Heh, the look on Ben’s face when Cudlitz told him to get in the car was classic.

Characters I’d Most Like to See Trapped in an Episode of I Shouldn’t Be Alive: the three newbs on Off the Map
As is, Off the Map is your standard Shonda Rhimes medical melodrama, only with more ferns. You really want to shake things up and reinvent a genre? Shatter someone’s pelvis, give them malaria, trap them under boulder, and then have them treat patients.

Best Lie: Cary Agos (aka Logan Huntzberger) on The Good Wife
Okay, I’ve always loved Cary a ridiculous amount, but his most recent turn as conniving ASA, lying and manipulating his way to a confession, has me positively gleeful. I don’t generally enjoy seeing Will and Alicia get played, but that was awesome. And then calling in US marshal Marshall Mann for back-up? So awesome.

Second Best Lie: Antonia on Top Chef
Upon being told that if her teammates Jamie and Tiffany hadn’t sucked so much, Antonia would be in the winners’ circle and would have won the whole challenge (including a trip to Amsterdam), Antonia starts to tear up. The judges predictably ask what the tears are for. The real answer is, “I can’t believe I missed out on my ONE CHANCE to win a challenge AND an effing trip to Amsterdam because dumb and dumber over here don’t know how to cook!” but Antonia quickly covered with, “I… just don’t want to see anyone go home.” Sure you don't. But, nice save. I was sure she’d shoot herself in the foot or make an ass of herself, but she managed the situation incredibly well.

Most Overdue Dismissal: Speaking of Top Chef, hey look, it's Jamie!
I’m not sure when exactly the show decided to start rewarding terrible chefs who constantly screw over their teammates, but apparently that was the order of the day for this season. Jamie has been a pathetic waste of space for the past several weeks, but only just now sent home. Either she’s secretly the daughter of the executive producer or she’s sleeping with him. That’s really the only possible explanation.

Least Convincing Argument for Participating in "Sports": Lights Out
Man alive, I wanted to like FX's new drama Lights Out, I really did, but the show seems to operate in universe where people actually care about boxing and manage to think of it as anything but a couple of morons beating the crap out of each other. I can suspend my disbelief as much, if not more, than the next person, but that's going too far. Show about a guy who can bring people back from the dead with a single touch? Mmm, okay! Show about vampires and werewolves and witches? Why not! Show where boxing is cool? Whoa, whoa, slow down there, people. Honestly, it was probably a very good pilot with strong themes and a specific perspective, but I was so annoyed at the notion that boxing is a sport that it was hard to care. The dialogue and acting weren't spectacular, but overall the show would have been fine if it had focused on just about any other sport. Seriously, I watch Friday Night Lights and the football doesn't bother me.

Hurtling Toward Total Destruction

Oh, NBC. Maybe you should just stop now while you're only woefully behind... Just when I think the network can't fall any further, it proves me wrong time and time again. NBC has been struggling for the past few years, but in just the past few months alone, it has re-branded itself as a pathetic wasteland where decent shows go to die and crappy shows find a feeble home. (And lest you think NBC might crawl its way back from the brink in the seasons to come, take a look at what they have planned. "Yikes" just doesn't quite cover it...)

Hot on the heels of cancelling Southland before it even had a chance to premiere its second season, the dumbasses that be at the peacock network have picked up Mercy for a full season over Trauma. I have mixed feelings about this, for various reasons, but my own proclivities aside, this is yet another sign that NBC has forsaken everything in the interest of ratings (and not even very good ratings at that). Trauma isn't a spectacular show or anything, but ounce for ounce, it's a hell of a lot better than Mercy will ever be.

You've all heard my thoughts on Mercy, but I never really assessed Trauma. It's a high-octane, paramedic based medical drama that has a lot more explosions than it does character development, but all in all, it's a fairly decent show that's actually pretty watchable. Mercy, on the other hand, is just as painful now as it was in the pilot. Uninspired, unoriginal, and sanctimonious as all get out, Mercy tries to be Grey's Anatomy for nurses instead of surgeons, but only succeeds in mimicking the craptacularity of recent seasons in spite of clearly aiming for the awesomeness of earlier seasons. Thanks, but no thanks. Honestly, when choosing between paramedics or yet another show focusing on nurses, I'll take paramedics any day. As would most people, methinks, if the brass at NBC has a brain among them.

What it boils down to is that Trauma is in a rather unenviable timeslot on Monday and Mercy is in the most uncrowded of slots on any other day but Monday. For those of you who have tried scheduling your DVRs for Mondays, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I catch it here or there when they re-air it later in the week and find it adequately entertaining for a rainy day. Whereas I fast-forward through far more than just the commercials during Mercy (which I only keep up with in the most cursory of senses--like I said, there's nothing else on at that time), I can sit through Trauma with very little annoyance or trigger happy fast-forwarding. Why am I lobbying for a show that I've given such a tepid assessment, you ask? Well, it's not so much lobbying for a cause as pointing out how bone-headed NBC has become. If they had put Trauma in a decent timeslot and promoted it the right way, it could have been a solid performer, but instead, the network would rather invest in a show they think has mass appeal rather than any actual creative potential--a recurring trend these days.

We all knew NBC was struggling, but after they cut their evening schedule for 5 hours to accommodate the terminally un-funny Jay Leno Show, it was clear that this season would be the worst yet. NBC has made a lot of bad decisions in its day (shuffling Life all over the schedule then cancelling it even after consistent ratings, placing Chuck in the most competitive possible timeslot and making a freshman show anchor the evening, etc, etc), but lately I've lost what little faith I once had. The network has become the new Fox (circa late nineties, early, um... zeros?) and writers/showrunners would rather take their shows elsewhere. Lucky for them, I say. On that note, it's looking more and more like Southland will find a home at TNT. I think that will prove to be a perfect home for the promising series and will fit in well with the network's other programming. NBC was apparently too scared to put something a little edgier out there and that sends a huge message to creative talents who are shopping pilots. The network's message? If you have a good show, take it elsewhere. If you have a bad show, you'll surely get picked up. Oy.

There are exceptions, of course, but the rule is thing to be afraid of. To NBC's credit, new comedy Community was also picked up for a full season, and very deservedly so. I never gave Parks and Recreation another shot, but I hear it has improved considerably since its lackluster first season. I can support those decisions, but they are so overshadowed with the bad decisions that it's hard to maintain focus.

Anyway, it's looking like Trauma (the only new show not to get a pick-up already) will go the way of so many others for NBC. And, while it won't really be missed all that much by me or anyone else it seems, it's a step in the wrong direction. I'm a bit torn, however, because it has become pretty clear to those in the know that the sooner Trauma dies, the sooner Chuck will be back. In a perfect world, Mercy would have gotten the axe three weeks ago and Chuck would already be back on the air, but alas, some poorly trained circus chimps appear to be calling the shots.

For professional television watchers such as myself, NBC's recent decisions act as a warning. Like the Fox network of not too long ago, one has to be cautious when getting attached to a show on NBC because odds are it won't survive. Fox has recently redeemed itself to large degree. I never thought I'd see the day when Fox would be a safer home than NBC, but here we are.

What's really clear after this rant is that the only thing more pathetic than NBC would have to be myself. I mean, really. It's just sad how invested I am in all this. Sad, sad, pathetic, and sad.

TV Predictions: Who will get picked up?

It's barely October and the axe has already claimed a few victims. With ratings slipping for various shows across the board, I anticipate the bloodbath to only get bloodier. In better news, some shows that I truly adore have already received the back nine and others are holding strong. Below are the official pick-ups and drops so far and my predictions for the fates of other shows.

ALREADY AXED (OFFICIALLY)

• The Cleaner
  (I've only ever seen about half an episode of this show so clearly it never really grabbed me. I don't know why it's been cancelled exactly (I assume ratings, but who knows), but I don't think it'll be missed.
  
  
• The Beautiful Life
  Alas, poor Mischa... we hardly knew (or cared about) you. This ill-conceived mess of a show was pretty god awful from minute one, so I'm a little surprised it didn't fit right in at the CW. (Oooh, snap!) Seriously, given the other dreck on the network (One Tree Hill, I'm looking in your direction), I figured this train wreck would have garnered similar numbers. It did not. You know you're in trouble when your ratings are so bad the CW won't have you. Ouch.
  
  
• Southland
  This comes as quite a surprise, I must say. And a rather unwelcomed surprise at that. Even before the second season had a chance to premiere (it was slated to premiere on 10/23), the brilliant minds at NBC gave it the axe. I wasn't that dazzled with the show, but it ended strong and I was hoping to give it a second chance. I'm hearing that NBC simply didn't think it could work at an earlier time slot (what with the craptacularity that is The Jay Leno Show taking up the latest spot on the schedule every night), so they decided not to even give it a chance. It was apparently "too edgy" or something. Word is, there are six episodes that have already been produced, so who knows what will happen to those. The show is being shopped around to other networks, but I'm pretty doubtful it will find a home. The other big networks have pretty full plates at the moment, so I'm thinking basic cable will be the show's best bet. One critic mentioned that it might find a good fit on TNT and I'm inclined to agree. With Saving Grace coming to an end, I'm hopeful the slot gets filled by Southland. At the end of the day, the show probably would have failed eventually, but to pick-up the show only to cancel it two weeks before the premiere is pretty damn low, even for NBC.
  
  
• Saving Grace
  Speaking of Saving Grace, it has been cancelled as well. I know very little about the show and have never seen a single episode, so my commentary on this one is pretty useless (as you can clearly tell).
  

ALREADY PICKED-UP (OFFICIALLY)

• Glee
  Fox finally did something right! This is a quirky, dark, musical dramedy that should have had a hard time finding a solid audience, but rolling out the pilot several months before the show would actually begin airing was a smart move. Those months gave time for word-of-mouth to promote the show and also allowed for plenty of time for people to catch the pilot. Not every episode has been perfect, but I think the show has really hit its stride and I'm thrilled it already has a back nine order.
  
  
• My Boys
  This show rests somewhere at the bottom of my third tier. It's not one I'm at all excited about, but it generally airs during times of the year when there's little else on, so I keep up with it to an extent. It's a mediocre show that has brief and sparse moments of funny. Anyway, it's been granted another season, so if you're just dying to, um, find out, uh, whatever... I can't remember what the hell was going on with the show at the end of last season, but I don't really care (channeling voice of a certain board member for that last bit).
  
  
• Californication
  I finally have Showtime, but I kinda, sorta missed the first several seasons... At any rate, it's been granted another season.
  
  
• Nurse Jackie
  Yay! This show is one of the primary reasons I finally ordered Showtime. It's excellent and was granted another season after only a couple of episodes had aired. It's well deserving of many more seasons to come and I simply can't wait. That season one finale was insane and I'm eager to see how it all plays out.
  
  
• Top Chef
  ...will be around for many more seasons to come. This season has been pretty good so far, I must say. MUCH better than last season. My picks for the final four? The Volts, Jennifer, and Kevin. And in a weird twist of fate, I think I'd be fine with any one of those four taking home the prize.
  
  
• Flashpoint
  Well, if this isn't the little known show that keeps on ticking. I can't remember the details, but I want to say another 13 episode order came through for this one. Yeehaw...
  
  
• Bored to Death
  Never seen it, but I hear it's pretty decent. Apparently the network brass agrees because it's been given the green light.
  
  
• The Good Wife
  Never did I dream that this show would jump into my top tier, but here we are. When I first saw the promotional materials, I thought the show had promise, and now that I've seen the first few episodes, I'm very pleased that it well exceeded my already high expectations. I may be a bit biased, what with my love of legal dramas, but this show is consistent, well-written, and each episode just seems to fly by. Hats off to CBS for the pick-up. It's ratings have been excellent since day one and have been nearly identical week to week. Awesome.
  
  
• NCIS: Los Angeles
  Yeah... don't care... But, it's been granted the back nine, so, uh... good for them...
  
  
• Modern Family
  This show is well-written and entertaining, but I'm just not sure how it's going to fare as a series. I'm enjoying it, don't get me wrong, but the set-up doesn't really lend itself to longer story arcs, so it's hard to be giddy with anticipation. I'm hoping it finds a way to get me eager week to week, but for now, I'm just enjoying it on an encapsulated basis. The back nine were ordered, so apparently I'm not the only one.
  
  
• Cougar Town and The Middle
  Well, Cougar Town wasn't as bad as expected, but it still didn't warrant a spot on my schedule. The ratings are solid though and ABC gave the go-ahead for a full season. I never saw The Middle and never hope to. I hate Patricia Heaton. A lot. But somehow people still watched the show and it also got a green light.
  

MY PREDICTIONS
Below are my thoughts, predictions, and assumptions regarding the other shows that are out there. I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong again, but I follow the ratings and trends to an embarrassing extent and have a pretty good track record over all. Also, I'm not including obvious pick-ups of returning shows (like The Mentalist, CSI, NCIS, or The Office) because they're, well, obvious. And with that, here we go.

SHOWS THAT WILL BE PICKED UP (METHINKS)

• Castle
  This actually isn't solely wishful thinking. That's right, I have actual evidence and rationale to back this up! ABC has had a hell of a time filling the slot just behind Dancing with the Stars and has seen show after show crumble. While Castle's numbers aren't through the roof, it has held its own in this time slot better than past contenders and has consistently good numbers week to week. No official word has come down yet, but I expect a back nine order soon.
  
  
• The Vampire Diaries
  ...is a lock for a full season pick-up. For CW standards, its ratings are superb and with aging shows like Smallville and One Tree Hill hanging in there well past their expiration dates, The Vampire Diaries will surely get the back nine and will certainly be around for next season as well. I'm actually pretty surprised that official word hasn't come yet. I finally got caught up on the show and must say that it's gotten a lot better. It's not a first tier show by any means, but it's holding my interest pretty well.
  

SHOWS THAT HAVE A GOOD CHANCE OF BEING PICKED UP

• FlashForward
  The numbers are good, but have been slipping a bit week-to-week and if the show is going to stick around, they'll need to settle soon. The show is only 3 episodes, but I'm enjoying it. It has its failings, but I can't help but be sucked in. Even my brother accidentally got sucked in when he sat down to watch a bit of the show and ended up watching all three episodes. It's a huge investment for ABC and given the nature of the show's concept, I really think they'll give it a full season. If the numbers don't settle, we may have another story on our hands, but I think they will.
  
  
• Melrose Place
  I kinda think the reason the CW is delaying the official pick-up of The Vampire Diaries is that they're waiting to see if Melrose Place is really a viable show. Its ratings have been decent, for CW standards, but they could be a lot better. The network is hoping that a Heather Locklear appearance will boost ratings, but I really doubt any of the teens who are watching the show care one bit about Locklear. I think the show will ultimately make the cut, but only because the CW has very low standards.

SHOWS THAT COULD REALLY GO EITHER WAY

• Accidentally on Purpose
  It's a crappy show, but the ratings are okay-ish, and half-hour comedies are cheap to produce. I think it'll get the go-ahead for a full season, but unless things pick up, I doubt it'll get another season.
  
  
• Community
  ...has been moved to one of the most competitive timeslots available and is suffering for it. This show is now opposite Bones, The Vampire Diaries, FlashForward, and Survivor. I, like many others, I suspect, ultimately opted to watch it online. The ratings are still pretty okay, but if it continues to slide, it could really be in trouble. NBC is generally pretty patient with its half-hour comedies and is generally pretty forgiving (what with them having a whole lot of nothing else), so I think they'll give Community the benefit of the doubt. I certainly hope so. I'm really enjoying the show and I think I like it even better than Modern Family (which I adore)... The pacing is better and the overall concept seems to have a lot more going for it. Fingers crossed!
  
  
• Mercy
  It pains me to put this show in a category that doesn't mean it will certainly get the axe, but what can I say? NBC is a pathetic shell of its former self and is in serious need of programming. The ratings are decent for Mercy, but it doesn't perform well in the demos at all. That makes for a bit of a conundrum. I caught the most recent episode and it does seem to have gotten a bit better, but that's kind of like saying the arsenic is now 10% less fatal. With the fate of Parenthood still up in the air (although I just heard that Lauren Graham has joined the cast (taking Maura Tierney's vacated role)--wahoo!), I think NBC might just give Mercy a full season order.
  
  
• Lie to Me
  I was tempted to put this show in the "good chance of a pick-up" section, but I'm just not that certain. Its numbers are consistent, but not through the roof. The new showrunner this season has certainly improved things and has made the show much more watchable and much less annoying. I'm hopeful Fox takes a chance and gives the show a back nine pick-up because if it keeps improving, it might just be a real contender.

SHOWS THAT WON'T BE PICKED UP (METHINKS)

• Trauma
  This show started off with a whimper when it premiered and fell pretty steeply in its second week. NBC doesn't have a lot going for it, but between its two new medical dramas, I think they'll keep Mercy and drop Trauma. Neither is deserving of a pick-up, but NBC is just that pathetic. It makes the Southland cancellation all the more irksome...
  
  
• Eastwick
  Quite frankly, ABC has much much better (and more successful) shows on its docket and Eastwick's sinking ratings just won't make the cut. Fortunately, the show isn't very good, so it likely won't be missed (even by the 14 people who tune in every week). It would take some real magic to earn this show a pick-up.
  
  
• Hank
  Of ABC's four new comedies to premiere, it's the only one to NOT get an official pick-up already. It's a terrible show with terrible ratings and the only way it stands a chance is if ABC needs another half-hour show to fill in a blank 30 minutes on the schedule (which could happen). If it does get picked up, it will be by default, not by choice.
  
  
• The Forgotten
  I actually hear that the next episode is supposed to be pretty good, but I lost interest in this mess about 20 minutes into the pilot and I don't see that changing. The ratings aren't very good and this show never really seemed to fit in with ABC's other shows, so I'm doubtful it will survive. If the ratings settle, it might have a chance, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
  
  
• Three Rivers
  Only the pilot has aired, but the numbers were not good. CBS has very high ratings standards (it's the anti-CW, really) and while on another network the premiere numbers would have been pretty good, for CBS, they were no where near high enough. Odds are the show will lose a fair amount in the coming weeks and I just don't think it will survive. It's a not a good show in the first place, so I'm guessing CBS will cut its losses.
  
  
• Heroes
  How did Heroes make it onto my list, you ask? Well, the show didn't deserve a pick-up at the end of last season, and its numbers this year are even worse. A LOT worse. This year's premiere was down something crazy (like 46%) from last year's premiere. Ouch. To boot, its ratings week to week are slipping by sizable numbers. This show needs to be let go and while I'm confident NBC will let it finish out the season, they'd be crazy to pick it up again next year.
  
  
• Dollhouse
  ...is a surefire goner, folks. The ratings are absolutely terrible and I just don't see any way to save the show. I don't know how many episodes have been produced, but I doubt they will all air. I even doubt they'll produce the full 13 at this point. Things are not looking good... Yikes.

The Dead, the Mostly Dead, and the Slightly Alive

For some reason I keep thinking it's June next week... Perhaps it's because Burn Notice returns on June 4th (booyah! my god, I love that show), but I just can't seem to acknowledge that May is still very much in existence and means I'll have to wait four more weeks for Michael Weston and company to start blowing things up once again.

Whatever the reason May has fallen of my head, fact is, it's here to stay, and television-wise, it's actually a very important month.

Aside from being a sweeps month and one of the best month's for season finales, it's also upfront season. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, the "upfronts" are the season schedules for each of the networks. It's during this time that viewers get to find out which shows got picked up for next season, which shows got the axe, and what new pilots are in the works.

For a professional television watcher such as myself, the upfronts are kind of like the draft (as I hesitantly dip my toe into a sports metaphor)... Shows get picked up, fired, and traded, the schedules get jumbled, and I have to completely reorient myself. As frightening as it can be at times (what with the vast majority of my shows currently teetering on the bubble), it's also one of the most fun (for someone as pathetic as I am, that is).

For some unknown reason, NBC's upfronts will be on November 5th, while the other networks won't be until the 18th through the 21st. Maybe they're hoping that announcing first will give them some sort of edge? Lord knows they could use the help, but I just don't think it'll do them a whole lot of good. Whatever. Most of my bubble shows are on NBC, so the less time I have to wait, the better.

Anyway, here are the latest details on pick-ups and cancellations (go here for shows that were picked up or axed earlier), and a few predictions about the bubble shows that currently on the endangered TV list.

OFFICIAL PICK-UPS:

• Grey's Anatomy (Every time I see anything about this show, I find myself ever so glad we broke up. Although I'm hearing Izzie is on her death bed these days, so I might just have to tune in for her untimely (in that it should have come three years ago) demise. Although imminent death would be about the only way she could possibly become whinier... Maybe I'll pass after all.)
  
• Private Practice (Oh lordy, I don't watch this show, but I came across this clip and about died. I tell ya what, wow/oy/ugh/seriously?)


• Ugly Betty (which I'm a little surprised at...)


• Lost


• Desperate Housewives
  
• Brothers & Sisters


• Dancing with the Stars (injuring "celebrities" for yet another season)


• The Big Bang Theory (picked up for 2 more seasons)


• How I Met Your Mother (also picked up for 2 more seasons--yay!)


• Heroes (Although the show has been sucking it up lately, it still does very well overseas and with Bryan Fuller back on the team, I've heard that creatively, it's in a much better place than when Heroes and I broke up earlier this year. It was picked up for next season, but only an 18 episode order, as opposed to this season's 24 or 25 (which felt more like 86 or 117)).


• Two and a Half Men (got picked up for the next 3 seasons--gag me)


• 24


• Friday Night Lights (I believe it's another weird, DirecTV something or other, but one way or another, it's alive and kicking (heh, no pun intended))


• Breaking Bad


• The Tudors


• Law & Order: SVU

OFFICIALLY DEAD AS A DEAD DEAD:

• Life on Mars


• Knight Rider


• Chopping Block (the title alone was just begging for cancellation)


• Lipstick Jungle (after about of dozen horror-movie style returns from the dead, I think this one is finally over with)
  
• Trust Me (wasn't a terrible show, but it was kind of painful to watch. You have to try pretty hard to make Erik MacCormack and Tom Cavanaugh unlikeable, but I'll be damned if they didn't succeed with flying colors)
  
• According to Jim

Those were the shows that I've heard official news about. Below are the shows that are still unofficially anything...

GOOD AS DEAD:

• Kings (Well made, ambitious, and had a lot of great elements to work with, but it never found an audience. Also, it was more than a bit of a downer... Seriously, a little levity would have gone a long way. It started on Sundays as NBC's grandiose new drama, then it was banished to the Saturday death slot, then, just when you thought it couldn't get worse, it's been pulled from the schedule entirely. I'm hearing the remaining episodes of its 13 episode order will air this summer. Ouch.)
  
• Better Off Ted (This is a real shame. It's a great show, but Americans have truly, truly, terrible taste (see Two and a Half Men's pick-up status above for reference). I'd like to think that this little gem had a chance of being picked up, but the ratings are pretty abysmal and the show is actually good, so between those two factors, it doesn't stand much of a chance. Bah!)


• Terminator: The Sarah Connors Chronicles (The official word hasn't come down from on high, but multiple sources confirm that the show is dead. I never watched this show, but I hear it was quite good and anything with a Whedon alum on board deserves better than Fox has to offer.)

ON LIFE SUPPORT:

• Dollhouse (She ain't dead yet, but things are looking pretty grim. Joss mentioned in an interview recently that a second season pick-up is entirely possible, but after looking at last Friday's numbers, I'm not holding my breath. Let's just say it was a tough call between putting this show in the category above or this one. I would be thrilled if it got picked-up, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up (read: get any hope at all). It has turned into a pretty kick-ass series and I'll be sad to see it go. Here's hoping for a miracle.)


• Chuck (Although Chuck has always struggled a bit in the ratings department, deep down I think it'll get picked up. The brass at NBC like the show and have shown quite a bit of support in the past. I like to think that the powers that be realize that Chuck is in quite possibly the worst timeslot ever conceived, and that that has a lot to do with its ratings woes. Seriously, it's up against House, Dancing with the Stars, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, and Gossip Girl. Monday at 7 is a very busy time for me... Plus, the grassroots efforts by fans and the show's cast have garnered quite a bit of media attention of late, so I think NBC will keep it, even if just to save face. They don't have a whole lot of successful shows these days, and certainly none with as devoted a following. In short, go to Subway this weekend and help the cause!)
  
• Life (another one of my darlings that has struggled in the ratings department. Honestly, the ratings aren't terrible and given the number of times it's been moved around on the schedule, it's performing better than I would have thought. The overhead on this kind of show usually isn't too insane, and we all know people love their procedurals, so I have a little hope that Life will survive. More than for Dollhouse, but not as much as for Chuck. It's prognosis is somewhere in between, I'd say. Even though season two kind of lost its way here and there, it ended strong and I'm keeping the faith.)
  
• The Unusuals (its ratings aren't terrible, but they've been slipping week-to-week. It's a solid show with a premise that should have mass appeal, but it just isn't finding a huge audience. I'd really like to see this show come back for a second season, but unless the ratings pick up, or at very least, stabilize, it doesn't look too likely).

LOOKING GOOD:

• Castle (I'm very pleased that a pick-up for Castle is looking fairly likely. The ratings aren't insanely spectacular or anything, but they're good and hold steady week-to-week. Also, ABC doesn't really have much else in terms of a procedural, so I think they'll keep Castle around for next year. I sure as hell hope so. What at first struck me as a piece of harmless fluff that could flesh out my second tier shows has quickly become one of my favorite shows on TV, first tier all the way. Finally! A show with Nathan Fillion that might survive! Yay!)


• Eleventh Hour (The ratings are actually quite good (in spite of CBS's ostensible lack of support for the show). I'm hearing Marley Shelton might not be back next year, which for a show with only two series regulars, she's half the show... I think this show could really benefit from an overhaul, so if it gets picked up, here's hoping that make a lot of changes. The show needs a home base and more than two regular characters.)


• Lie to Me (It's really not that good of a show, but I have to admit it's gotten a lot better since its first couple of episodes. It's a third tier show through and through, but it's toned down its "we're these incredible specialists who have the unique ability to spot obvious lying" overtones and that has made it a lot easier to watch. I still fast-forward through parts of every episode though... Anyway, the ratings are pretty good, but could certainly be better. I think Fox will keep this one around, especially with Prison Break ending and 24 getting on in years, it could use another consistent player.)


• Samantha Who? (I was honestly a little surprised that Ugly Betty got an early pick-up and Sam Who? didn't... I think it still has a good chance of being picked up, but the early pick up announcement made it a little uncertain. It's a decent show, but I only caught the first few episodes. The concept doesn't leave room for much longevity, so I can see where ABC might be on the fence with this one...)


• Scrubs (strange as it may sound, it's looking more and more like Scrubs might get picked-up for another season... The real contingency is which actors would be willing to come back to the show. If enough regulars agree to come back, it'll most likely get picked up, if not, it's much less likely.)
  
• Southland (It has only aired a couple of episodes so far (which is the only reason I didn't put it in the "Definite Pick-Ups" category), but the numbers are solid and NBC has been pushing hard for it. With ER over and buried (finally), they've been looking for a new drama to fill that slot and it appears they may have found it. The show doesn't really do it for me, but it's well made and I can see where it could find a sizable audience. Another good sign, now that Kings has been yanked and sent to the Summer Cemetery, reruns of Southland are airing in its place. Bad for Kings, good for Southland. It's nice to see Ryan Atwood getting work...)
  
• Privileged (shockingly enough, the little show that could might actually make it. The CW doesn't really have a whole of shows to hang on to, and with most of their returning shows getting older and more ridiculous, Privileged may very well be picked up. I've been hearing good things about its possible return lately, so although I don't really care one way or the other and have never seen a full episode, good for them...)

DEFINITE PICK-UPS:

• The Mentalist (although official word hasn't come down yet, this mediocre show was this year's breakaway hit for some unknown reason. Oh wait, Americans really love bad television. This show isn't a total disaster, but that's about the best I have to say. It's watchable, but it'll never break out of its third tier distinction unless it really starts bringing its A-game (assuming such a thing exists). Have no fear Mentalist fans, Simon Baker will be back next year, smarmily pompous as ever, along with Robin Tunney's dead eyes and hollow head. Yay...)
  
• Fringe (again, nothing official, but Fringe is pretty much a lock for next year. I didn't survive past the first 6 or 7 episodes, but I hear the show has really hit its stride these days. The ratings are solid, and Fox has shown considerable faith in the show. I'm confident of a pick-up and will be pretty surprised if it gets the axe (even though this is Fox we're talking about and nothing should shock me at this point)).

These lists are of course not comprehensive. Shows like House, the CSI trifecta, and the glut of reality crap like American Idol and The Bachelor will surely be back, so I didn't focus on them. Once the upfronts are officially announced, I'll post a comprehensive list for each network (including new pilots for next fall), but until then, it's the shows that have uncertain fates that get the attention.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Till then, I'll just be sitting here, on pins and needles, hoping to hell my shows come back next year... Sigh.

LA Blah

I have to preface my review of Southland with the fact that I'm not generally a big fan of cop shows, so many of my opinions apply to the whole genre and shouldn't necessarily reflect negatively on Southland alone. I went into this show kind of expecting not to like it and was ultimately correct.I gave this show a shot initially for a couple of reasons: 1) It was touted as the follow-up production for the team behind ER; and 2) Ben McKenzie (aka the O.C.'s Ryan Atwood (which I accidentally typed "Ryan Atwork"--geez, I need a vacation) would be making a return to TV, and I just had to see if he had any real range to work with or if this would be another forum for him to not talk very much and punch people. Replace "punch" with "shoot" and that basically sums up his character (although with considerably less worrying about Marissa, so it was a nice change of pace).

Although Ben McKenzie (who plays Ben Sherman--another in the long line of "we don't want the audience calling him by his old character name, so we're going to name the new character his real name" tactics used by writers to try to break a character out of an old role--not that that's going to stop me) is the audience's doorway into this world or police-ness (he basically plays Dr. Carter, the newbie), the show is shot in pseudo-documentary style, and much like ER, bounces from one storyline to another, although with much less overlap and no where near as ground-breaking a result. Where ER completely turned the hospital drama on its ear, Southland tries to shake things up with its style and approach to storytelling, but all in all, it's not much of a game changer in the end. The documentary feel is supported by the shaky camera work, rough production aesthetic, ceratin noir elements, almost a total lack of soundtrack, and would-be natural dialogue (going so far as to bleep out swearing), but it all just felt too self-important and scripted to me to be genuine. The acting is solid and the actors are all good, but the wording was so unnatural that the delivery just wasn't (or couldn't be) convincing. It's fine for the dialogue to feel scripted for a scripted show, generally speaking, but for a show that was aiming for gritty realism, it kind of fell flat. In the end, it just felt like they were trying way to hard to be authentic for it to actually feel authentic. I think this is something the show could definitely work on, but given that this isn't really my genre, I'm not sure I care to stay around long enough for them to work out the kinks.

Given that this isn't my genre of choice, I think that had a lot to do with why the show failed to resonate with me. I enjoy a good detective drama, but beat cops have never really held much appeal. In general, I don't particularly like cops, so when a kid got shot (about 17 times in the chest and lived... uh, yeah...), I found myself extremely excited that we were going to the hospital. Yay! A hospital! Doctors! Look they're wheeling him to the operating----and we're back on the street. :( Again, it's not the fault of the show, it's more based on my own sensibilities. What few interactions I've had and my friends and family have had with cops have been annoying and aggravating. Cops are kind of jerks most of the time, and I can't help but to not really care to watch them all that much... Given such sensibilities, I actually enjoyed the pilot more than I would have guessed...

Anyway, there were several storylines going at one with different cops at different levels trying to resolve the problem. I had a hard time caring about any of these cases. Unlike ER, there was very little background for the people who had been kidnapped, shot, etc., and I had a hard time relating to each of their stories. That wouldn't have been a problem so much if the cops themselves had been more engaging, but aside from Ben McKenzie and the always excellent Regina King (and Tom Everett Scott (!), but he was only in a couple of minutes), I wasn't particularly enthralled with the majority of them. I think the documentary approach was a big part of this problem. In an attempt to make the dialouge and storylines feel super realistic, they made them feel much less realistic after all was said and done. Nothing sounds faker to me than dialogue that's trying to sound genuine. This made most of the cops' interactions with one another and with the bad guys feel forced and failed to suck me in.

It was a lot of fun to see the ever taciturn and hot-headed Ryan Atwood back on screen, and he was by far the best part of the pilot, but I don't think that's enough to keep me watching. Don't get me wrong, it was a giddy thrill to see him want to punch a guy (aww, that takes me back), but after all was said and done, Ryan alone wasn't enough to save the ensemble of cops, and the crimes of the week weren't engaging enough to compensate. Although, given that his character is apparently from a rich neighborhood (I believe they said Beverly Hills, but I'm going to assume it's the O.C.), a crossover can't been too far off--if Marissa hadn't died, she could always overdose in L.A. and save Tijuana the trouble...

Although the show didn't really do it for me, that isn't to say it was bad. The production was well thought out and the culmination of the pilot made for some real interest and investment (particularly Ryan's shoot-out). If cop shows are your kind of shows, I'm confident you'll love Southland. It wasn't your standard crime procedural, and for that I salute them. It was a nice change of pace from the current spate of CSIs, Law & Orders, and whatnot that clog the airways at the moment. That said, cops have never really been my favorites. Especially beat cops. Not that driving around and harassing people isn't just an absolute blast to watch or anything, but I found myself much more interested in the much more interesting cases that involved more than just pulling people over (shocking, I know).

I think the show has potential and it's nice to see a show breaking out of the box, but I don't think the Southland pilot was very successful (although I do think that has a lot more to do with my tastes than with the show itself).

All in all, unlike several people in the pilot, I was not blown away. I give it a C+.