Renewal Prospects: NBC

I'll stop bitching about my multifarious reasons for being so lax with this blog and just get the point. Long story short, apathy is metastatic.

Moving on.

The networks won't make final decisions about which shows will survive and which shows have been crushed under the weight of timeslot competition, incompetent management, and network tomfoolery until the middle of May, but here's how things are shaking down so far. I'm starting with NBC because it's far and away the saddest and sorriest among the big four. It's like eating all the tasteless, cardboardy, multigrainy cereal bits so you can save the marshmallows till last. NBC is in trouble, folks. We all hoped that the removal of Jeff Zucker would revitalize the network, but it's going to be an uphill battle. Having ousted Zucker and his reign of terror, NBC is now comprised largely of Showtime vets who are trying to invigorate the NBC as they had Showtime. Good luck with that. This is network TV and the outlandish, envelope-pushing programming that made Showtime a major player simply has no chance on any of the big four, least of all a network that's already in trouble. Network TV simply imposes too many limits and restrictions to allow for much creativity and programming is suffering as a result. Unique, out of the box thinking is actively punished on network TV and until the new brass at NBC cast off other notions, I think NBC is going to continue to struggle. (Frankly, any network that would shelve my darling Community is going to get a stern talking to from me, but that doesn't mean I'm entirely biased.) Couple that with the fact that the network has pretty much nothing in the way of a strong lead-in for new blood and you've got a recipe for disaster. Er, more disaster. Case in point, of all of NBC's fall pilots, only a vanishingly small number will survive.

Henceforth, on with the cardboardy disappointments...

Wait, quick note: I usually categorize by "how screwed are they?", but this year I'm just going to go alphabetically. These predictions are based on my own system of gauging ratings, network expectations, and a keen, truly absurd understanding of how TV works. I'm not infallible, by any stretch, but most of my predictions are spot on. That said, I've been shocked before and I'll be shocked again. Take these with a grain of salt and if you'd rather wait till May to get definitive answers, hats off to you.

The obvious ones won't get much rhapsodizing, but the tougher calls will require some explanation...

• 30 Rock
  Safe: Will certainly be renewed for next season. Even if the actual quality of the show has been slipping for the past couple of seasons, it's one of NBC's few safe bets.
  
  
• Are You There Chelsea?
  Why no, no she isn't. This one's a goner. Even by NBC's pitifully low standards, she doesn't stand a chance. Basically: Dead.
  
  
• Awake
  Fairly Dead: This one is a little too early to call definitively (they've only had two eps to date), but I don't think it's long for this world. Or the other one. It had a good pilot and an intriguing concept, but it would have been better suited to a mini-series or a movie. I've enjoyed the first two episodes, but don't think it will last. Two eps in and the ratings are in a downward slope that I don't see stopping in time to save the show. I'll be really surprised if it lives. UPDATE: The numbers just came back for episode 3 and they held rock solid with episode 2. Granted there was less competition last night than usual, but that's still impressive. I'm upgrading their condition to: Tough Call.
  
  
• The Biggest Loser
  Safe: Oh, it'll be back all right. And, given what other gems NBC has to work with, I suspect you'll have to endure a solid 17 minutes of beeping and two commercial breaks before the weight is revealed. All to the shocked horror of those who have slow-motioned us into the break.
  
  
• Celebrity Apprentice
  Safe: See above with The Biggest Loser, substitute "beeping" with "bad hair and incompetence." It'll be back for sure. Sadly, sadly.
  
  
• Chuck
  Dead: Finally sloughs off this mortal coil. The series ended back in January after surviving for two seasons too long. God, how I used to love that show. Sad to see what it turned into. Cancellation was the only humane thing to do.
  
  
• Community
  Safe: This might be the fan girl talking, but I'm betting Community will be back for season 4. It's ratings are pretty bad, even for NBC, but I think the network may have realized that that has more to do with the timeslot than anything else. They plopped 30 Rock into that time period and it struggled hardcore as well. The hiatus put us all on edge, but the fact that they never stopped production speaks volumes. At the end of the day, the show is about 1 season away from hitting the golden 100 episodes and I think NBC will let them get there. Once a show hits 100 episodes (usually), it can be sold into syndication. That's a cash prize that NBC won't pass up. The value of selling it into syndication will more than make up for producing one more season of the show. Henceforth, I'm cautious, but optimistic. I may be going out on a bit of a limb, but I'm putting this one in the safe column. Six seasons and a movie! (Community returns this Thursday, March 15th, to much applause.)
  
  
• Free Agents
  Long Dead: This sucker barely made it three episodes before biting the dust. Yet another feather in NBC's cap.
  
  
• Grimm
  Safe: I'm as shocked as you are. As the season began, never did I think a supernatural genre show slated for the Friday night death slot would be one of the very, very few success stories for the network. Given its genre and time period, the show is doing extremely well. Hell, for NBC, its ratings are pretty decent for any time period. To boot, it's actually quite a good show. It's not often that the A-plots keep me entertained, but Grimm does a very nice job. The ongoing story could be a lot stronger and more present, but all in all, it's a solid story-of-the-week kind of show. In all honesty, when it comes to the recent fairy tale trend, I daresay Grimm does a better job than Once Upon a Time. The fact that I quite enjoy Grimm but can barely bring myself to watch Once anymore really says it all. I'll be surprised if it doesn't come back.
  
  
• Harry's Law
  Tough Call: Here's the conundrum. Ratings-wise, this show is an absolute disaster. That said, it was a disaster last year and NBC kept it. All I can think is that NBC likes having a show that gets nominated for something, anything, and wants to hold onto it. I guess the fact that it doesn't actually deserve to get nominated for anything never crossed their minds when handing out pink slips. In my heart of hearts, I think it will be canceled (it's doing even worse in its new time period than its last), but NBC might not have anything else to fall back on. Final prediction: canceled.
  
  
• Law & Order: SVU
  Safe: Network TV never met a crime procedural it didn't like and NBC is no exception. I'm sure this will be back. Again. For what I have to assume is season 38.
  
  
• The Office
  Safe: In spite of the fact that it stopped being consistently funny (or even occasionally funny) several seasons ago, its ratings are among NBC's best. The Office isn't going anywhere, even if the majority of the regular cast is jumping ship as soon as possible.
  
  
• Parenthood
  Pretty Safe: The ratings aren't good, but I think this one will be back for next year. They had a truncated season this year to accommodate a new slate of pilots and because, well, NBC struggles, but I'm confident it'll get renewed. Said new pilots have pretty much fizzled so far, so even though Parenthood's ratings aren't great, they're consistently pretty decent. For a network in complete and total turbulence, moderate, but consistent is more than they can hope for most of the time. The season finale was written so that it could serve as a series finale, but I don't think it needed to. Way to hedge your bets though.
  
  
• Parks & Recreation
  Safe: This show gets used and abused by the network, but it's a quality show with decent ratings (again, by NBC standards). It'll be back.
  
  
• The Playboy Club
  Long Dead: Yet another glittering jewel in NBC's crown, this half-baked farce was on a network with no balls whatsoever... which is kind of a liability when your show is ostensibly about sex.
  
  
• Prime Suspect
  Dead: On another network, in another time, I think this show could have done well. Perhaps on CBS, paired with one of their heavy-hitter crime procedurals, Prime Suspect could have made a real go of it. As is, on NBC, paired with... god, I can't even remember what it was paired with, but I recall it made no sense, it didn't stand a chance. It was actually a pretty good little show and I'm sad to see it end so quickly and ignominiously. Maybe it was the hat's fault... (I liked the hat, but I'm in the distinct minority here.)
  
  
• Smash
  Pretty Safe: Most websites will tell you that it's too early to tell or that it's a tough call, but I think it'll make it. We are legitimately only six episodes in, and the numbers aren't as high as NBC would like, but they're still higher than just about any other show on the network. More importantly, the number seem to have leveled off in the 2.5ish range, and for NBC, I'd say that's more than good enough to grant renewal. Time will tell, but if it stays within a couple of points of that key demo rating, it'll be back.
  
  
• The Firm
  Dead: It may not be official, but this one's a goner. It premiered to some of the lowest numbers any of the big four have ever seen for a primetime drama and it only went down from there. I'd be positively shocked if this got renewed. From where I'm sitting, it's already dead.
  
  
• Up All Night
  Safe: It's one of their better-performing shows and it's a half-hour sitcom. Barring some sort of ratings disaster, it should be just fine. The fact that they ordered extra episodes this season also bodes well for next season.
  
  
• The Voice
  SAFE: This is far and away NBC's best performer on any night, in any time period, in any genre. It's really the only show keeping the network afloat, so it will definitely be back, and, if NBC can find a way, will be even longer than it is now.
  
  
• Whitney
  Fairly Dead: I can see where some genius at NBC might think keeping this show is a good idea, but I doubt it. Its ratings have been in free-fall since the pilot and the critical backlash doesn't help. It might eek out a renewal, but I'm putting my prediction safely in the canceled camp.
  

That's all she wrote, folks. From where I'm sitting, the only shows new shows that will live to see a second are Smash and Grimm. Grimm indeed...

Fall Ratings: Should you be worried?

I wasn't sure how to structure this post and the next one... I wanted to do a post which looked at the ratings for shows (assessing survival prospects) and I wanted to do one with the shows that I'm keeping and the ones I'm kicking to the curb. I was determined to make these two separate posts, but they kept overlapping. I'll separate as best I can, but bear with me, there may be some redundancy...

Please also note that there will likely be some shows left off this list. I'll mostly focus on new shows, but there might be some returning favorites as well.

For credentials sake, you should know that I follow show ratings week-to-week, keep a going list of ratings for all new shows and for returning shows who might be in trouble. I've been doing this long enough that I have a pretty good sense for what kind of ratings a show needs to survive, adjusting for network, timeslot, financial investment, and any number of other factors. It's kind of pitiful how well-versed I am in this.

Anyway, on with the shows!

**EXTREMELY SAFE ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN PICKED UP FOR A FULL SEASON):

• NEW GIRL
  I can't say I'm over the moon about this show, but it's ratings are impossible to argue with. I had a feeling the show would do well, but holy shit. Apparently there are even more doe-eyed Zooey lovers out there than I thought! Not only were the key demo numbers impressive by even Fox's standards, but it routinely outpaces Glee. Not only does this speak to New Girl's success, but it also speaks to Glee's precipitous fall. Don't get me wrong, Glee's demo numbers are still more than solid, but I'm sure the execs at Fox were shocked. Even with the baseball-induced hiatus, this show should do just fine in the long run.
  
  
• UP ALL NIGHT
  This pick-up has more to do with NBC's pathetic-ness than with the ratings. The numbers have been good by NBC standards, but if this show were on CBS, it wouldn't have made it past the second week.
  
  
• 2 BROKE GIRLS
  This one is just depressing. This show is awful, but it's ratings are insanely high. Even by CBS standards, which are ridiculously higher than NBC's.
  
  
• RINGER
  Only on the CW, folks. The ratings are bad, really bad, but when you're on the CW, it doesn't matter so much. I've been trying to give this show another chance, having heard it got a lot better, but only time will tell. I would have said that this pick-up had more to do with SMG's high profile than anything else, but that was until...
  
  
• HART OF DIXIE
  Yeah, this was a surprise, even for the CW. This show's ratings are only a tick above Nikita's (which airs in the worst time slot ever conceived). Even by CW standards, I didn't think they'd keep this one. At the very least, I thought they'd give it another week of numbers before they made a decision. I wouldn't care, but the more shows the CW picks up, the more in danger Nikita is. Or, I guess looking at it another way, if they're willing to keep this, they're willing to keep anything.
  
  
• THE SECRET CIRCLE
  No brainer. It's ratings aren't great by most broadcasting standards, but they're better than 90% of the CW's slate. It's no TVD, but it's hanging in there.
  
  
• WHITNEY
  Given NBC's "barely above the CW" standards, I can't say this was a total surprise, but the speed with which it came was a bit of a shock. After two weeks of ratings freefall, they give it a full-season order? I don't know what is being smoked over at NBC, but this show is terrible and its ratings are only getting worse. But, now they're stuck with it. Smart.
  
  

Now that we've moved past the shows that have already gotten the definitive green light, we're headed into more speculative territory. Please bear in mind that it's still early on, so these predictions are just that. Predictions. Anything can happen, folks. Based on ratings and everything else, here's how the new shows (and some old shows) are doing. To be honest with you, most shows that haven't been picked-up already are at least sort of in trouble, but here goes...

**SAFE ZONE**
(SHOWS WITH GOOD NUMBERS, BUT HAVEN'T BEEN PICKED-UP FOR A FULL SEASON (OR ANOTHER SEASON) YET):

• SUBURGATORY
  It's only aired a couple of episodes so far, but the numbers are solid. If it stays on trend, it will certainly get a full-season pick-up. [UPDATE: With last night's ratings totals in, this show is a lock for a full-season. Announcement should come any day.]
  
  
• TERRA NOVA
  Okay, to say this show is "safe" is a bit of a misnomer. It's numbers aren't what Fox had hoped for, but it's initial order was for 13 episodes. When speaking in those terms, in spite of the ratings, I'm willing to wager it will air all 13 episodes. That said, while the numbers for its first two episodes were good and showed no signs of slipping, there was a pretty big drop off for episode 3. If that continues, even the small order won't save it.
  
  
• PARENTHOOD
  Yeah, yeah, it's not a new show, but it's perennially on the bubble, so I thought you fans would want to know that it's going to be just fine. No, it's numbers aren't great, but they're decent by NBC standards, and more importantly, they're consistent week to week. In short, it's doing fine.
  
  
• THE GOOD WIFE
  On any other network, it's numbers would be stellar, but for CBS, they key demo ratings are disappointing. Why is it safe then, you ask? Because it's the best show on network TV, the only network drama that receives any kind of critical or awards acclaim at all, and because CBS likes to have bragging rights. What's more, CBS is so insanely successful that it can afford to have a critical darling under its wing. The numbers have been fairly low for CBS, but they've been consistent, even in spite of the new timeslot. No worries, Eli and Kalinda aren't going anywhere.
  
  
• REVENGE
  I think the ratings have finally settled and they're in a range that ABC can definitely get behind. ABC is almost as pitiful as NBC and it can't be too choosy, so to have a show genuinely do well is a no-brainer. Revenge can even stand to go a little lower and still be just fine. [UPDATE: With last night's ratings totals in, this show is a lock for a full-season. Announcement should come any day.]
  
  
• LAST MAN STANDING
  Okay, so it's only aired one episode, but they numbers were very, very good for ABC. The show, unfortunately, is very, very bad in every conceivable regard, but when has that ever stopped anybody? I'm hoping for a shocking drop-off next week, but I doubt it. Even if it's numbers were cut in half, it would probably be fine. I'll pause while everyone goes and weeps for humanity.
  
  
• HAPPY ENDINGS
  I'm as shocked as you are. After getting a miraculous pick-up after last season, something rivaling Biblical times, this show is back and is actually doing pretty well. It looks like in the shuffle of things, Happy Endings has come out on top (well, middle really, but you know what I mean).
  
  
• CASTLE
  Numbers could be better, but ABC is fully invested in this one. It's not going anywhere. Even if Nathan Fillion's track record would suggest otherwise.
  
  
• GLEE
  A lot of people have been wondering about Glee's ratings after the disaster that was season 2, so I'm including it on the list. For the record, the numbers have been noticeably lower and have been sliding a bit week-to-week. That said, it's key demos are still among the highest in the biz and the show isn't going anywhere. It has actually been better this year, but that doesn't seem to be enough to bring back all the folks who broke up with it after last season. Can't says I blame you.
  
  

**DANGER ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT ARE DOWN, BUT NOT OUT... YET):

• PAN AM
  This show started off flying high in the ratings and looked to be ABC's saving grace from the loss of Desperate Housewives, but it's numbers have been in freefall since the premiere. It's a shame, because I'm really enjoying this one, but if its numbers go any lower, it's going to be in serious trouble. I think the only thing that will save it is ABC's need to save face and their growing acceptance as being "barely better than NBC"...
  
  
• NIKITA
  Oh, my darling Nikita. This show has always struggled a bit even by CW standards, but now that it's stranded in the worst timeslot ever, I'm worried. Anchoring Friday nights? Yikes. I'm sure the CW had low expectations, but still. It's numbers honestly aren't that much worse than the rest of the CW's slate, but with Chuck starting up in a couple of weeks, I'm worried that Nikita's numbers will sink even lower. I think the show's saving grace will be that this is the kind of show that does well abroad and may make money for the network in the long run. Fingers crossed!
  
  
• PRIME SUSPECT
  The numbers aren't good, at all really, but they're holding steady and NBC is desperate. They just ordered 6 more scripts, so that bodes well for the show, even if not for NBC as a whole. I'm actually enjoying this one to an extent, so I'm happy to see it'll be around for a while.
  
  
• HARRY'S LAW
  This one is the real head-scratcher. Based on key demo ratings, this show would almost be at home on the CW, garnering worse numbers than The Vampire Diaries (although it does do okay in total numbers). NBC just ordered 6 more scripts, but I think it was a bad call. I have a feeling NBC sees this as their The Good Wife, hoping it'll bring some reputability to the network. Sorry NBC, it will not.
  
  
• UNFORGETTABLE
  CBS loves its crime procedurals, but viewers aren't exactly flocking to this piece of shit, and they know it. It's numbers have been going steadily down and even if it stays where it is, it's going to have a hard time. It may get a full season, but I'd be shocked if it got a second year. I guess watching Poppy Montgomery stare off into space just isn't as riveting as CBS hoped it would be... Note to Poppy, save the money you spend on lip injections and spend it on a dialect coach.
  
  
• PERSON OF INTEREST
  Its future looks rosier than Unforgettable's, but only by a bit. The numbers are okay for now, but they've been going steadily down. It's an expensive show to produce, but it has an impressive pedigree. If it can stay were it is, I think it'll be fine. If it goes much lower, it'll be in trouble. I think it's going to come down to one or the other and this will get picked up and Unforgettable will get the axe.
  
  

**DEAD ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT SHOULD PROBABLY REVIEW THEIR WILLS):

• CHARLIE'S ANGELS
  Not long for this world, peeps. I'm guessing it'll be the next to get cancelled. Terrible show, terrible ratings. I'm kind of surprised it hasn't already bitten the big one.
  
  
• A GIFTED MAN
  Even with a Friday timeslot, there's no saving this one. CBS will likely give it the axe the moment it has something to fill the timeslot with, if not sooner.
  
  
• FRINGE
  Again, Friday can only forgive so much. Fox seems to be behind this one though, so I guess a miracle could happen. In my heart of hearts, I suspect this will be its last season, but I'm guessing it'll be a full season.
  
  

**EXTREMELY DEAD ZONE**
(SHOWS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN CANCELED):

• THE PLAYBOY CLUB
  This one never stood a chance, and it has nothing to do with the PTC. If anything, the right wing uproar is the only thing that brought in any ratings at all. This show just couldn't work on network TV. The leads were lackluster for the most part and the writing was sloppy.
  
  
• FREE AGENTS
  Even though the ratings sucked, I thought this one would last a little longer by simple virtue of being a half-hour comedy... I was wrong. Go forth, Giles, onto better gigs.
  
  
• HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN
  Hats off to CBS for pulling the plug on this piece of shit after only one episode. On any other network, the ratings would have been cause for celebration, but CBS has a higher threshold and the luxury of axing anything it chooses.
  
  
• H8R
  I never saw a single episode... and neither did anyone else. You get canceled by the CW, you know you've got problems. The CW doesn't do a whole lot right, but getting rid of this horrendous assault on television was one of the best moves in recent history.
  

Fox Upfronts: The Good Die Young

NOTE: I'm sorry this is so late in coming. Blogger has been struggling hardcore for several days now. Yeah, just when finale season and Upfront season intersect, Blogger decides to have some sort of coronary problem. Anyway, I was poised and ready to discuss the finales of The Vampire Diaries (Vicki and Anna! Ahhh!), Nikita, and just about everything else, but couldn't. And now it just feels like it's kind of too late... Anyway, moving on with the Upfronts!

As any Whedonverse devotee will attest, you can't get too attached to programs on the Fox network because, well, no one likes heartbreak. Citing precedent, it really shouldn't come as much of a surprise that the only show on the network whose fate I actually cared about is one of the first to get the axe. The Chicago Code was a surprisingly smart and engaging show for network TV, which I guess means it was doomed. And another one bites the dust. The list of network shows that I watch has been in precipitous decline for the past few years now, and it's gotten to the point were I can count them on one hand. The Chicago Code is a pretty painful loss. It wasn't a perfect show (the writers didn't seem to know what to do with Vonda and Isaac most of the time), but compared to the other network schlock it was up against, it was head and shoulders above most other shows. Shawn Ryan deserves better. He's a fine showrunner who always producing quality programming. So let's face it. He didn't stand a chance.

Fox is a tough nut to crack for a number of reasons and it has some network idiosyncrasies that make it more prone to slaughter than others. First and foremost, it doesn't have a third hour of primetime like the other big networks, so it immediately has 5 fewer hours per week to fill. On top of that, it has like, 17 hours of American Idol each week, which decreases the room for scripted programming even more. At the end of the day, they simply don't have the space to keep anything that isn't performing incredibly well. There have been some notable exceptions, of course, but by and large, they don't hang on to shows that are under-performing. Fringe got a notable pick-up this year in spite of poor performance, but that's because it airs on Friday, a night that Fox gave up on long ago. Plus, I think they're still a little gun-shy about pissing off the science fiction community.

Here's the full list of CASUALTIES:

• The Chicago Code
  Again, this is the one that really hurts. I hear showrunner Shawn Ryan already has his sights set on a new project though, and from the brief concept idea that I ran across, it sounds like it's going to be excellent. Here's hoping it finds a network that will keep it going.
  
  
• Lie to Me
  This was a third tier show at best, but it made for a nice space filler on an empty viewing day. I kept up with this one well enough, but it was far too procedural to really keep me invested. I need more over-arching story to really care about a show and Lie to Me never really delivered.
  
  
• Human Target
  Won't be missed. I made it through a couple of episodes and that was plenty.
  
  
• Traffic Light
  I never even screened this sucker. It looked awful and I knew it didn't stand a chance anyway. Tootles!
  
  
• Braking In
  See above comments, copy and paste. Oh, Christian Slater. It's cute that you think you still have a career. [This just in, this show might just get a last minute stay of execution. Word is, Fox is considering bringing it back after all. I think it depends on whether or not they have a half-hour companion show on the docket or not... I never even screened the pilot, so I'm not invested one way or the other.]
  
  
• The Good Guys
  This one has been dead in the water for ages now. In case you're one of the two people who watch, it ain't comin' back.
  
  
• Running Wilde
  This one got pulled ages ago as well, in case you hadn't heard. But, showkiller Will Arnett has teamed up with showkiller Christina Applegate for a new comedy (to air on ABC, I think), so if you fear not, if you loved Running Wilde, you'll get another chance basically
  

Here are the shows that will be RETURNING next season:

• House
  Against all reason, yes, House will be back again this fall for an EIGHTH and hopefully final season. Please just let it die already. It kills me that Fox would rather keep an aging, increasingly pitiful show around than give The Chicago Code a relaunch for fall. Oy. In related news, I hear that Lisa Edelstein has officially jumped ship and will not be reprising her role as Cuddy next year. Godspeed, my friend. Never look back.
  
  
• Glee
  I loved season 1, I could barely even finish season 2. If every episode were a Brad Falchuk episode, I think I would still love the show, but his episodes are too few and too long in between to sustain me. I still haven't decided if I'll be giving this one a chance in the fall. It depends on how my schedule looks. Want to see something truly shocking? Go back and watch the Glee pilot on Netflix Instant Play. Holy hell, you'll hardly even recognize the show. Wow. Did you know that it used to have a plot? And characters? And wasn't
  
  
• Bones
  Ugh. As though this show weren't mediocre enough, and as though it hasn't been around for about 3 seasons too long, now Bones is pregnant. Well, Emily Deschanel is pregnant, but that's just as bad. I don't even really watch this show anymore (unless there's absolutely nothing else on), but knowing that it's coming back and The Chicago Code isn't makes me bitter(erer). Geez, Fox, so far you're looking like a real winner come fall...
  
  
• Fringe
  I've been meaning to catch up on this one, so I'm pleased to see that it'll be back. Quite frankly, any vote of confidence for Sci Fi as a genre gets a thumbs-up from me. It always makes me smile that they put this kind of show on Fridays, you know, because it's not like geeks have dates to go on or anything. I sure don't.
  
  
• Fox Animation Block: The Cleveland Show, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons
  
  
• Raising Hope
  It isn't appointment TV for me or anything, but it's a fun little show starring the incomparable Martha Plimpton, so I'm quite pleased to see it picked up for next season. Although, if it ever gets canceled, I suppose that frees Martha up for more time on The Good Wife, so I guess I'd be okay either way.

I was going to include a preview of fall shows in this post, but I think that's best left for another entry (it's gonna be on the long side). There are some definite contenders coming up in a few months, but mostly, it's just a bunch of crap. You know, like last year.

Countdown to Slaughterama 2011

Every year around this time, I usually put together a list of shows that have been officially picked up, shows that are officially cancelled, and shows which are "on the bubble" for renewal next year. I was compiling the list last week when it dawned on me that I don't actually care about the fates of 90% of network television, and another 8% have certain futures. The fact that there are only a small handful of shows that I'm concerned about led to a fair amount of apathy toward the whole process. As such, I'm punting a bit. Thankfully, in this day and age, there are more than a few experts out there weighing in on the fates of network programming, even though there are only a few shows that are actually worth caring about these days. Official pick-ups and cancellations will happen in May.

Here are two resources that are well-worth perusing if you are concerned about your shows and want some expert opinions (aside from mine) on whether or not they'll be back next year:

• TVLine Renewal Scorecard
  With my darling Michael Ausiello as editor-in-chief, this website has quickly become one of my favorites. Michael knows the biz better than just about anyone and his renewal scorecard is usually very accurate. He's really one of the best and most trusted names on my list, so it's pretty safe to defer to his expertise, even thought I'll be offering my own assessments below. Even better, he updates the scorecard periodically, so in the event that new information becomes available, he adjusts his predictions accordingly.
  
  
• Metacritic TV Cancellation Watch
  For a more comprehensive analysis of each show's chances for survival, this is a great website. They've taken predictions from several reliable sources and created a grid of expert predictions. Some of the individual predictions are completely off the reservation (someone actually thinks No Ordinary Family has a chance in hell?), but you can see all the predictions collectively as well, which gives an overall impression of the show's chances. It makes for an interesting read, but as far as I know, it won't be updating as the season goes on, so some of the predictions may be invalidated without any changes to the site.
  

Well, there you have it from the other experts. Here are my expert thoughts on who'll make it and who's a goner... (I'm only including scripted programming and I'm excluding shows that are obviously going to be picked up--check those two websites if you're unsure which ones those are.)

VERY LIKELY RENEWAL

• Desperate Housewives
  It was conspicuously missing from ABC's early pick-up list, but that has more to do with contract negotiations than anything else. Assuming they can iron out the details, and I fully suspect they will (let's face it, Hollywood isn't exactly knocking down those actors' doors), it'll be back.
  
  
• The Good Wife
  Compared to other CBS shows, The Good Wife's ratings leave a bit to be desired. Actually, in terms of total viewers, it's quite strong, but in terms of key demo numbers, it could stand to be a lot higher. That said, it's their only critically acclaimed series and the only show on their entire slate that deserves such praise. I can't say it'll stay on Tuesday nights, but I'm confident it'll be back next season. The CBS brass loves the show and in spite of the ratings, they know they've got something no other big four network has. Class.
  
  
• Hawaii Five-0
  While not quite as obvious a pick-up as Mike & Molly, I think Alex O'Loughlin can breathe a sigh of relief for once. I'd be really surprised if this one didn't come back. On any other network, it would be a clear no-brainer pick-up, but with CBS, there's always a chance that as high as your ratings are, they could be higher...
  
  
• Nikita
  A lot of bloggers have given this show a more fretful prognosis, but I'm confident it'll be back. It's numbers aren't great (even by CW standards), but with Smallville ending and Supernatural and One Tree Hill aging horribly, I think Nikita will make it. It better is all I can say. In their corner? The showrunners behind The Vampire Diaries love Nikita, and I like to think they have some sway with the powers-that-be.
  
  
• Harry's Law
  The key demo numbers could certainly be better, but overall, this is one of the very few bright spots in NBC's pilot season. If the numbers start to slide, that's another story, but at this point, I think it'll be fine.
  
  
• Parenthood
  It's numbers have stabilized in a place that I think NBC must be happy with, so I think it's chances are quite good. Unfortunately, the show it self is quite painful to watch these days. I hate to break up with it.
  

COULD GO EITHER WAY

• Blue Bloods
  It's a tough call between The Good Wife and Blue Bloods in terms of numbers. Based on ratings, they're neck and neck, but I think if it boils down to one or the other, CBS will make the right call and pick up The Good Wife. The problem for CBS is that they're simply too successful. They have too many highly-rated shows for too little space on the air. (Which isn't to say their shows are all worth-watching, but simply, that middle America does.)
  
  
• Better with You
  It's not doing well, but it's a half-hour comedy, so it might get a pass.
  
  
• Brothers and Sisters
  It's an aging series, with sinking ratings, but ABC doesn't exactly have a lot of established shows to hang its hat on these days, so I'd say it's a toss up. It'll depend on how Body of Proof performs and what their pilot slate looks like for fall. I'd err on the side of a pick-up though.
  
  
• Mr. Sunshine
  It's really too early to tell with this one, but based on it's first two weeks of numbers, it's a toss up. It premiered to excellent numbers, but fell steeply in its second week. If the slide continues, it'll likely get cancelled, but if it can stay roughly where it currently is, it should be fine.
  
  
• V
  Its numbers have actually been a lot higher and more stable than I ever would have expected, but they're still not spectacular or anything. This one's a toss-up. If I had to make a prediction, I'd say it'll be cancelled.
  
  
• $#*! My Dad Says
  God I hope this sucker gets cancelled, but it's a half-hour comedy with decent enough ratings, so it could go either way.
  
  
• The Chicago Code
  It pains me to acknowledge it, but the future of this show is by no means certain. It's too early to tell for sure, but based on the first two sets of numbers, it's going to be a nail-biter for this show. If it can stay where it is with the ratings, it'll be back, but if it slides again next week, it probably won't make it. Boo.
  
  
• Chuck
  Chuck's on the bubble?! I'm shocked! The weird thing is, this is the most favorable it's chances have looked in years. Unfortunately, the show got unwatchable, so I don't really care. A few weeks ago, I would have put this in the "likely to be renewed" category, but it's started sliding bit by bit the past few weeks and it's now in the danger zone. I'd err on the side of a pick-up.
  
  
• Community
  In case you don't watch this show (and based on its ratings, that's most people), this is the best comedy on the air. Yes, it's better than Modern Family, as far as I'm concerned. It's ratings aren't great, but it's a half-hour show on a sinking network, so I think it'll make it. It better make it.
  

VERY LIKELY TO BE CANCELLED

• The Defenders
  CBS has too much going for it to keep this dead weight around. I'll be shocked if they keep it on the schedule, even on a Friday.
  
  
• The Event
  I wouldn't say it's completely hopeless (this is NBC we're talking about), but with the new network sheriff in town, I'm pretty sure this one is going to be cancelled.
  
  
• Detroit 1-8-7
  I hear it actually turned into a quality show, but with ratings like these, it would take a miracle to survive. It was all I could do not to put it in the "no chance in hell" category. I don't think this one really has a chance, but it hasn't been pulled from the schedule yet either, so for their sakes, here's hoping for a long shot.
  
  
• No Ordinary Family
  Decent concept, horrendous cast and execution. I'm not surprised in the least that this show is struggling. Majorly struggling. I don't think it'll be back.
  
  
• Off the Map
  It started out well-enough, but it's been sliding ever since. It's most recent numbers were pretty bleak, even for ABC. I'd be surprised if it eeks out a win. It's a Shonda production though, so if she puts up enough of a fuss, ABC might be browbeaten into keeping it. That'd really be the only way.
  
  
• One Tree Hill
  I think this year might finally be the year. The show is old, and horrendous, and I think the CW finally knows it.
  
  
• Human Target
  I stopped officially following their ratings, but I know they're not good. Really not good. That, plus the fact that Fox has limited space and it's an expensive show to produce and I think this one's a goner.
  
  
• Lie to Me
  This show has been little more than a filler for the past couple of seasons, but I think even that dubious distinction will likely come to an end. I think their only chance is if Fox decides to keep it for midseason next year, in order to replace cancelled new shows. Hey, that's basically what happened last season, so who knows. Personally, I think it's a goner.
  
  
• Traffic Light
  I never even watched the pilot, but I'm hearing its numbers are pretty abysmal. See ya.
  
  
• Perfect Couples
  I only saw the pilot, and that was plenty. I think it's a goner.
  

NO CHANCE IN HELL OF RENEWAL

• The Cape
  I hate to break it to fans out there (although based on the shows numbers, I'm thinking they don't actually exist), but there's no way this sucker is coming back next year. Even NBC isn't that desperate. Hell, I'm not sure the CW is that desperate.
  
  
• Chase
  It's already essentially been canceled, in case the two people out there who watched the show hadn't noticed.
  

CW Upfronts: Last, but not... well, yeah, kind of least...

Oh, little CW, you try real hard, dontcha? Honestly though, for as pitiful a network as it is, it always seems to have a show or two that I can't live without. Last year at this time, that show would have been Gossip Girl... Well, what a difference a year makes. Nowadays, Gossip Girl is barely even on my radar (this season just... hasn't... quite... done it for me) and The Vampire Diaries has kind of taken over my life. Speaking of which, if you didn't get in on the ground floor and are sick of hearing me talk about it without having seen it (or if you're Nicole and you started late to the series), they are going to be airing reruns of The Vampire Diaries all summer, starting with a rebroadcast of the pilot on May 27th. Set your DVRs to awesome.

Honestly, TVD is the only show I really care about on the network this year, so the upfronts came with very little fanfare. There was no Veronica Mars for me to worry about and most of the decisions were forgone conclusions. The only serieseses that were up in the air? Well, that would be the CW cagematch: Life Unexpected vs. One Tree Hill. Otherwise known as the wussiest cagematch in the history of the universe. I wasn't impressed by Life Unexpected and One Tree Hill has been awful since day one, so you can see that this is a battle in which I am wholly invested. See below for the thrilling details! (Spoiler alert: The CW took the easy, "I don't wanna get yelled at" way out.)

Quick note: I'll be publishing all the fall schedules in the next couple of weeks and an assessment of what shows will be going to battle for timeslot supremacy. Also, it was pointed out by commenter Jess that I had made an error regarding the CBS scheduling moves. The Big Bang Theory is moving to Thursdays at 7 pm, opposite Community. I don't know why I was thinking Wednesday, but it's been corrected. (Boy, is my face red...)

Anyway, on with the show, er, shows...

***SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN PICKED UP***

Life Unexpected AND One Tree Hill
Surprise! Okay, not really. After several months of speculation and rumor that only one show would survive, the CW took the pathetic way out and picked up both series for an initial order of 13 episodes each. I assume one of them will premiere at midseason, or, when the CW's new cheerleader catastrophe Hellcats tanks (at least I hope to hell it tanks), then one of these shows will fill the scheduling gap. I'll be posting clips of new shows in the coming weeks, but for now, I'm just glad to be wrapping up the Upfronts alive. I honestly can't stand either of these shows (although I hear Life Unexpected has gotten considerably better), so I wasn't much invested in this most-pathetic of cagematches. Poor CW. Having to choose between these two little gems must have been quite the Sophie's choice...

90210
I only made it through the pilot... and even then, I'm pretty sure I may have suffered some brain damage. It's not Melrose Place in terms of eye-gougingly painfulness, but it's close. So of course it'll be back! Oh, CW. How I wish you were more of a real network...

The Vampire Diaries
My darling Vampire Diaries is quite thankfully the most successful show on the network, so there was never any doubt that it would be back. I was going to post a big wrap up after the finale, but then Upfront season was upon us. Hopefully I'll get some time next week. That'll give me some extra time to watch the last 10 minutes of the episode a few more times. Holy hell! It's going to be a looooong summer, peeps. Not sure if I'm going to make it. Already... going... through... withdrawals...!

Gossip Girl
My used-to-be darling GG will also be back. I'm sorry, but this season has fallen completely flat for me (and as near as I can tell, everyone else too). I just don't care anymore. The season started off well enough, but after a few eps, I was basically done. It's gone beyond being a chore to watch and I have at least 9 or 10 episodes saved up on my DVR that I honestly don't know if I'll ever watch. Maybe this summer? Maybe (make that probably) not...

America's Next Top Jumpsuit, er Model
I haven't watched the past few cycles of Tyra's progressive insanity, and I'm very comfortable with that decision. I saw enough clips of the show on The Soup and The Dish to never need to see this show again (so many jumpsuits, so little time). It was always only ever a guilty pleasure, but now it's just guilty--of oh-so-many offenses. Plus, the complete misnomer of a title has to be a little off-putting for contestants these days. Top models they are not. Hell, models, they are not.

Smallville
I watched the first couple of seasons of this show, then fell off the wagon. Next thing I know, it's been on for nine years. Mercifully, I have heard confirmation that season 10 will be its last. Did he ever even start flying? I have to assume he did... At any rate, the show should be wrapping up next year.

Supernatural
As much as I just loved Dean on Gilmore Girls, I don't think I ever need to see him again. But, this show has one of the most rabid fanbases in town. Small though it may be, they are vocal and passionate to say the least. I guess they weren't GG fans originally, because Jared Padalecki is a dealbreaker, whether his hair is looking "cool, or not so cool."

***SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN CANCELED***

Melrose Place
Yeah, it was pretty much the only show on the network to get the boot (save for the three episodes of The Beautiful Life that managed to air--methinks that doesn't really count as ever having been on the air). This was god-awful on a truly painful scale. It won't be missed. Hell, even firing Ashlee Simpson's sorry ass couldn't save this particular train wreck, and in my experience, getting rid of Ashlee Simpson is usually the first step in recovery: admitting you have a problem. A botoxed, plastic, wooden dingbat problem. (Me? Judgmental? Well, I never!)

The Beautiful Life (in case you forgot)
You know you've got a terrible show on your hands when it gets canceled by the redheaded step child CW after three episodes. This is a network that gave Melrose Place an entire season... Ouch.

CBS Upfronts: Bloodbath

I've never had a whole lot of stake in CBS (what with my attention to countless hours of crime procedurals proving less than compelling) and given that the only shows I actually watch on the network have already been picked up for next season, I wasn't exactly on pins and needles for their upfronts. Quite frankly, the only shows I watch on the network comprise the lion's share of the meager 3% of programming that isn't currently focused on combing through trash cans for body parts or zooming in on some tiny smudge on a surveillance feed and magically (and I mean that) clarifying the image so that everything is conveniently wrapped up in a nifty bow so we can start again next week (venting over... for now).

But wait! What's this?! CBS has canceled three procedurals!? I never thought I'd live to see the day... I don't know much about their fall pilots, but it looks like those procedurals won't be replaced by new ones (necessarily), so it looks like CBS may have finally broken out of the decade of procedural programming that it has clung to so desperately... by slashing their schedule. They canceled seven shows (most of which were long-running and well-established, to boot). That's a lot, trust me.

I honestly don't follow much of what goes on over at CBS and don't know a whole lot about the programming, so this more perfunctory than anything else. I don't even really know which of their shows is on the bubble... Accidentally on Purpose is really the only show coming to mind that I know may be in trouble. I just don't really care. Maybe if they have some awesome new pilots this fall, but right now? Meh.

One more quick note of semi-import: The fall schedule has been seriously revised. Granted, the only two shows I really care about stayed exactly where they were, but The Big Bang Theory has moved to Thursdays (I accidentally put Wednesdays initially--nope, they'll both be on Thursdays, anchoring the night at 7pm). Why does this matter, you ask? Well, it didn't until I realized that it would now be going up against Community. Not. Good. Community already has ratings struggles without the inexplicable ratings behemoth competing with it. Ugh. Anyway, I'm trying to move past it...

Henceforth, I'll cut the crap and get to the goods.

***SHOWS PICKED UP FOR NEXT SEASON***

The Good Wife
This is really the only show on CBS whose future I was ever all that concerned about and it was granted an early renewal several weeks ago. Yay! It really is one of the best shows on the air and if you haven't given it a shot, you really should. I know, I know, on the surface it looks like a Lifetime movie of the week, but in reality, its one of the best dramas out there. It's subtle and mature, but still completely engaging. It tends to skew older and female, but that's simply because the younger set hasn't given it much of a chance. I'm continually amazed at how many forum commenters cop to being 22 year old males. Such a great show. I'm all the more thrilled that it got an early pick-up because it's numbers over the past few weeks have been a bit discouraging. Hopefully word of mouth will create some positive buzz over the summer. Quite frankly, I think CBS finally realized that it needed to diversify its programming and brand name and took a chance here. (The fact that its current slate of procedurals has been slipping of late also may have helped. The trio of CSIs are showing their age and I think CBS knows it.)

How I Met Your Mother
Aside from the fact that this season has been downright painful to watch, I'm glad this show got picked up out of lingering loyalty. Seriously, the more episodes I watch, the more I wish last year's season finale had been the series finale. The show is stale, no one has anything interesting to do, and most damningly of all, we're nearing the end of the FIFTH SEASON and we still haven't met the effing mother! Ugh. I get closer and closer to breaking up with this one with each passing episode. Here's hoping they can get their acts in gear and make season 6 worth having.

The Mentalist
We all know how I feel about this show and I've heard that if you can't say something nice...

Two and a Half Men
Words simply cannot express how sad it is for humanity that this show still exists.

CSI/ CSI:Miami/ CSI:NY (the unholy trinity)
Oh yes, they'll all be back. Aren't you relieved!? Yeah, me neither. CSI prime is the only one I've ever really watched and even then, I couldn't care less that it survived. This past season has been nigh unwatchable (and that's saying something for a show that's always only been sorta watchable). As for the others? I know I could live without ever seeing David Caruso's pock-marked face again, but apparently I'm in the minority here. I want to say NY might have been on the bubble, but again, don't really care.

NCIS/ NCIS:Los Angeles (the unbearable duo)
More shows I don't watch and don't care about! Yay!

Survivor
...will, of course, be back. Ugh. CBS may have finally given some ground on the crappy procedural front, but have yet to give an inch on the crappy reality competition whateverness front.

Medium
The torture continues (meaning the show and Patricia Arquette's awards show wardrobe).

The Big Bang Theory
...which I type "The Big Bank Theory" every time I ever write it ever. I choose to blame that on my job's focus on tissue banking (which means that just one more way in which I can absolutely loathe it). I can only handle this show in the smallest of doses, but, it does have it's moments, so I guess I'm glad to see it back again. It has some of the highest ratings anywhere, so there was really no threat. But then again, we're nearing the end of the THIRD SEASON and we still have yet to see the big bank! Oh, wait... (If you didn't read the comments about HIMYM, that last bit doesn't make a whole lot of sense...)

Criminal Minds
I couldn't pick this procedural out of a line-up if I had to. I assume it has, you know, like, actors in it?

Rules of Engagement
I want to say this is a comedy (?)... a comedy that's terrible... and that apparently won't go away and die already.

***SHOWS THAT HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN AXED***

New Adventures of Old Christine
...will not be back. I've never even met someone who watches this show, so there's not really much for me to say. All I know is that Wanda Sykes was on it, and that's more than enough deterrence... I hear there's a chance (some say 50/50) that the show will move to ABC. I'll believe it when I see it (assuming I even hear about it--again, not a show I care about no matter what network it's on). I realize ABC doesn't have a whole hell of a lot going for it all of a sudden, but I still think this is unlikely. The only way this will happen is if ABC has an odd number of half-hour comedies and needs a filler.

Miami Medical
Arrived with a weak pulse, quickly declined, then flatlined. No loved ones were notified as no loved ones existed.

Gary Unmarried
Good god, who knew CBS has so many shows...?! I want to say this is another comedy? Oh, who the hell cares. It won't back, so too bad, you random handful of viewers, you...

Ghost Whisperer
Whoa, whoa, whoa, this thing was still on?! Well, I'll be damned, maybe communicating with the dead isn't that far fetched after all... Clearly, anything is possible. Or was possible. Finally, finally, finally, this crap pile has been sent to the grave. Or has it? In a truly bizarre turn of events, I'm hearing rumors that ABC is considering picking up the show... Annnd we're back to anything being possible. Even truly, truly horrible anythings. (In the interest of full disclosure, I've never seen an entire episode. Not that that should be seen as any sort of ringing endorsement, but I guess there's a chance the show got 8 million times better after I bowed out 10 minutes in... again, anything is apparently possible.)

Three Rivers
...died a long time ago, for the same reasons listed under CBS's other pathetic attempt at adding a medical show to their line-up (cough Miami Medical cough)...

Accidentally of Purpose
...seriously will not be missed. I barely made it through the pilot. Awful. Simply awful.

Cold Case
This was a show? I always kind of thought it was a subtitle to another show. You know, like Law & Order: Cold Case. Right? Oh, silly me, it might actually be on the air next season if that were case...

Numb3rs
I can't believe this show lasted this long. But, it has (sorry, had) a Whedonverse alum at the helm, so I'm glad it survived for however many years it survived (can you tell I was loyal viewer, or what). On the other hand, shows that do cutesy things with their titles deserve to die swift deaths, David Krumholz notwithstanding... It's about time he moved on to bigger and better things... that involve Joss Whedon... seriously, I'll take anything these days. (I assume everyone saw his episode of Glee last night, right? AWESOME. He needs to direct EVERY episode of Glee, that's all there is to it. For the first time in a long time, the story and the music melded together seamlessly. Well done, Joss. Well done, indeed.

ABC Upfronts: Bleak House

When thinking about television networks that are in trouble, the mind invariably goes to NBC first, then the CW. But, now that I'm actually looking at things, ABC isn't exactly sitting pretty either. I guess it points to the problems with the medium overall, but somehow ABC kind of flew under the radar. I mean, I knew that a lot of their pilots (pretty much everything but the comedies) were foundering, but until I actually put the list together, I didn't really grasp just how much trouble they're in.

Various disasters from last year's development slate have led to quite a few new pilots for fall. I'll be posting clips of everything in the coming weeks, but for now, see below to see who made it and who didn't. I certainly hope their coming agenda has some winners because after last season, all they're really left with are modest ratings-getters and aging used-to-be powerhouses...

There really haven't been a whole lot of surprises with this year's upfronts, but ABC at least tried to shake things up with their pair of bubble shows, but only in that they were more generous than expected. For ABC, it's Network Cagematch: SciFi Edition (oooh!) between V and FlashForward. Turns out, my earlier predictions were correct.

***SHOWS THAT MANAGED TO SURVIVE, EVEN IF SOME OF THEM SHOULDN'T HAVE***

V
I'm a little surprised and a little not. I had predicted earlier that V would survive and FF would get the axe, and although I was ultimately correct, at the end of the day, I had feeling both might be canceled, given V's less-than-stellar ratings of late. I fell off the V bandwagon a while ago, but now that it's been picked up, I'm more inclined to get caught up on the show. If only it had some characters that I actually cared about... Anyway, I think this pick-up was more than a little influenced by the fact that ABC's docket of new shows from last fall were such failures (for the most part). With the exception of a few comedies, this past year has been largely disappointing for the network. I think picking up V was more about saving face than making money. Plus, given the scheduling strategy for the show, I'm guessing they plan on plugging holes left by even less successful shows. Its ratings have been modest at best lately, but they did see a slight uptick last week. That may have been the final point it needed for a pick-up. It's only been picked up for 13 episodes though, so you can see just how much confidence ABC has...

Grey's Anatomy
This one comes as no surprise whatsoever, even if maybe it should. The show's ratings aren't what they used to be, the creative aspects have been hit or miss, and many of the shows breakout stars and original cast members have either hit the road or want to. I gave up on this sucker a couple of seasons ago and have no plans to give it another shot. I'd have taken it out back and shot it a long time ago, but its ratings are some of the best on the network, so it's not going anywhere.

Private Practice
Well, at least Grey's started out as a good show... Private Practice? Yeah, not so much. I suffered through about a season and half of this one and regretted just about every minute of it. I just kept expecting it to get good, but instead it somehow got increasingly preachy and after school specialy. I say "somehow" because from where it started, I wouldn't have thought that was possible. It's also way soapier (and not in a good way--note the picture I chose... um, seriously?) than I can handle, so I cut this one loose ages ago (and yet, somehow, still not soon enough). I'd be cutting the dead weight if I were ABC, but the ratings are still strong enough to keep it. Blah. Poor ABC, I don't know what happened... They had a few years of being on top, but somehow everything seems to be falling apart.

The Bachelor/The Bachelorette
Hour-long embarrassments to humanity with each passing episode. In a world where For the Love of Ray J gets air time, you had to know these two crap piles would survive. At least they provide hilarious cannon fodder for The Soup week-in and week-out. So in that vein, welcome back!

Modern Family, The Middle, and Cougartown
Truly, this is the only area in which ABC's development slate from last season succeeded. I don't watch The Middle or Cougartown, but Modern Family is probably the funniest, sharpest comedy since Arrested Development. It has also had top ratings pretty much every single night its been on. For once, the creative and the consumer actually see eye-to-eye. Where the hell were all these viewers when the Bluths were struggling to survive? And Better Off Ted, for that matter!?! (Nope, not bitter. Not bitter at all...)

Dancing with the Stars
...will obviously be back. I'm pretty sure the only way I'll ever get around to watching the show for real is if Johnny Weir competes next season, but until then, The Soup gives me as much as I'd ever want... and then some. I assume we all saw Bruno Tonioli (and I mean all of Bruno Tonioli) the other day? Wowzers, it was fun to see Joel look more than a little discombobulated by the situation. Awesome.

Castle
One of the very, very few hour-long successes for the network lately, Castle is one of my darlings and I'm thrilled it'll be back. It's nice being able to root for a show because it's good and not just because you're desperate to see Nathan Fillion find steady work. What a nice change of pace... (What's that? You say I forgot about Drive? Yeah, so did everyone else. But don't you worry, I absoulutely sat through all four episodes just out of Whedonverse loyalty.)

Desperate Housewives
...will be back again next year, even in spite of creative decline and Nicollette Sheridan's caterwauling about being assaulted by Marc Cherry. The show is getting pretty long in the tooth and the ratings aren't what they used to be, but it's a solid performer (somehow). I certainly wouldn't have shed a tear if it were canceled, but apparently someone would.

Brothers and Sisters
I watched the pilot as I recall, but that was enough for me. It's yet another of ABC's aging dramas, however, so who knows how many more seasons it has left in it. Quite frankly, if last fall's crop of pilots had been more promising, I think some of these tired, stale shows would be in much worse shape.

***SHOWS THAT JUST... DIDN'T... QUITE... SURVIVE... (by which I mean most of them crashed and burned in spectacularly embarrassing fashion)***

FlashForward
...lost the SciFi battle and was rightfully canceled (among so many others). Okay, this loss is a bit of a shame, but not really. It started off promisingly enough, poised to be ABC's answer to Lost ending and presented one of the best pilots of last fall. But, after three sets of showrunners, a painfully earnest, self-important, and dour creative angle, and a base concept that really lends itself better to a movie of the week, people just stopped caring. Including yours truly. The show has been having its ass handed to it by its competitor on the CW for weeks. I don't know if you've met TV, but that's an insult. (Even if the show it's up against is The Vampire Diaries, which is awesome, big four shows are almost never beaten by the fare on the red-headed stepchild CW). In the show's defense? The four-month hiatus really didn't help the already slow momentum of the story, but ultimately, I don't think this show had much of a chance anyway. Geez, you'd think a show about a global catastrophe would be enthralling, not tedious. You'd be wrong, apparently.

Better Off Ted
It comes as absolutely no surprise, but it still hurts. In all honesty though, the second season was a Dollhouse-sized miracle, so I'm mostly just grateful it survived that long. The anemic ratings, ridiculous scheduling schema, and show/brand mismatch never gave Veridian Dynamics a real chance. Sigh. You will be missed, show. Sorely missed. Oh, who am I kidding with this "will be missed" crap. I've been missing the show for months and am still wondering if they're ever going to air the rest of it! Note to ABC, AIR THE LAST TWO EPISODES. finally This show had so many great one-liners and laugh-out-loud moments that it's hard to choose just one, but in the end, my parting quote from the show simply had to come from Veronica. "I'm thinking I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness." So long, awesometacular show, so long...

Scrubs
The show that just wouldn't die finally, finally has. After I don't know how many seasons on two different networks, the peeps at Sacred Heart can finally get new jobs and move on with their lives. I only caught this show on occasion, and not at all during the past few seasons, so I certainly won't miss it. From what I hear about Scrubs 2.0: The New Class (i.e. this past season), neither will anyone else.

The Deep End
Wow. Just, wow (the show, not the fact that is was cancelled). This was one of the most painful misfires I've sat through (although, to its credit, I did make it through the whole pilot--an accolade not afforded to all, Miami Medical). Grey's Anatomy + Lawyers = Awful, apparently. Yikes. It won't be missed.

Happy Town
Who's happy now!? Not ABC, that's for sure. This show never had a chance (and never should have been greenlit in the first place) and ABC knew it. I didn't even make it through the pilot. Aside from the fact that the pilot was bad, bad, bad, I knew the show had no chance, so I wasn't willing to give it much attention. I wasn't too keen on this one the second it stole Amy Acker away from Dollhouse, which was a slap in the face, but then to find that she ventured outside the Whedonverse for a show that's insanely awful? Well, that's just more like when you're stomping grapes on live TV and you fall and make a lot of really inhuman sounds and then the show anchors try desperately not to laugh at you while feigning concern for your well-being... "Gee, Phil, I sure hope she's okay." "Me too, Karen. In other riveting news, kittens were born yesterday..."

Romantically Challenged
Has been canceled after only 3 episodes aired. In my opinion? That's about two and three quarters episodes too many. This show's title alone was begging for cancellation, so this comes as no surprise whatsoever. "Comedically Challenged", "Ratings Challenged", "Acting Challenged" (holy hell, ACTING CHALLENGED indeed)... When those are the review titles floating around, you know the end is near. Hopefully this means Alyssa Milano can guest star on Castle again... you know, a show that doesn't suck.

Ugly Betty
You know, I never watched a single episode of this show. Not even the pilot. I hear it was good... Maybe someday I'll give it a shot... No, probably not... (What can I say? I have a very busy viewing schedule as is, and given the number of shows I have waiting for me on DVD, I'm afraid Betty and her braces just never made it onto the list, and likely never will.)

The Forgotten
How's this for sad? The Forgotten was so bad and was cast aside so long ago that I forgot to put it on this list initially... Heh. Same goes for Hank, which doesn't even warrant a heading. Fortunately I'll never have to remember it ever again. Unless of course I end up on some sort of gameshow that focuses on embarrassing amounts of televisual acuity... (No, no, no, that's not my life's ambition at all. Silly rabbits.)

Lost
...is finally coming to an end, but you already knew that. Unlike Ugly Betty, this is a show that I absolutely intend to see one day. When will that day be? Who the hell knows, but at least it's been penciled in (quite an honor, I hear).

FOX Upronts: Saints be praised! LESS IDOL!

I'm going to refrain from pontificating on Fox (and the other nets) the way I did with NBC, because, well, that was a lot of typing and I'm of a rather lazy constitution... Plus, no network has quite as many problems as NBC (well, at least not the same array of problems), so this should be quicker.

Fox has never had a third hour of primetime and they have a considerable amount of reality programming, so there really aren't a whole lot of shows to be fated... or whatever (that would be my English degree hard at work: I makes up words and I likes it). The midseason schedule is what really bulks up the slate. Anyway, as with the other network's, there's a would-be cagematch afoot: Lie to Me vs. Human Target. The prevailing notion was that it would likely be one or the other. See below for the exciting results! (Like how I try to make this seem like it's even moderately interesting? That English degree of mine is working overtime now! Finally, it's earning me all the wonderful things I... never ever thought it would...)

Aside from a handful of interesting pick-ups and drops (okay, not really), the biggest and BEST news to come out of the Fox Upfront? Less Idol. That's right, you heard me. Per my sources on the web, "Fox plans to shrink American Idol results show, cutting it to 30 minutes. The Tuesday performance show will be 90 minutes, which could be considered an expansion from its typically scheduled one hour, but Fox is known to frequently expand the show to two hours anyway." That may sound more like an expansion than anything else, but the real highlight of this is: Glee won't follow Idol anymore. Oh yes, Glee has been moved to Tuesdays at 7pm, which means it will anchor the night and not have to worry about Idol running long and ruining everyone's DVR plans. Me likey. :)

I'll put together a post about the new fall schedule and what pilots we have to look forward to, but for now, it'll just have to wait.

Well, I aimed for a more straight-forward approach this time, but here we are again. So, with just about as much blathering as ever, here's how things stacked up...

***SHOWS THAT WILL BE JOINING US AGAIN NEXT YEAR***

Lie to Me AND Human Target (surprise!)
In rather anticlimactic fashion, they both survived. A bit of a surprise, but no where near as bloodbathy (bloodbathic?) as one would have hoped. I had my money on Lie to Me surviving and Human Target getting the axe, but alas, they'll both be back to 13 episodes a piece (with an option for the back 9... maybe... Fox's midseason schedule has always been a quagmire and now that they've expanded to summertime programming, who really knows). I tried to get into Human Target, but it just never grabbed me. Lie to Me got a whole hell of a lot better last season, but it'll still never be a top tier show (especially now that I'm hearing showrunner Shawn Ryan (who replaced someone else and improved the show considerably) will be leaving to do his own show). Not a good sign, but I'll keep it in mind for the future.

American Idol
This juggernaut of horrible just keeps on truckin'. Much to my, and my DVR scheduler's chagrin. Bleckk. I'm hoping the new scheduling situation is as beneficial as I'd hope, but with Fox, you can just never be sure. They'll find a way to annoy me, you just wait and see.

Glee
With the highest key demo ratings for a scripted program just about anywhere, this was a foregone conclusion and the renewal was announced ages ago. I'm actually a little concerned for where things might go in season 2, but I can't wait to find out. Booyah!

So You Think You Can Dance
Never did I think I would ever care about dancing, but here we are. Even after last year's disappointing experiment with a fall season of the show, I'm still devoted. The show will be back for this summer and mercifully will NOT be followed by another season a month later. Back-to-back seasons was a colossal failure and Fox knows it. I'm pretty stoked to see how the new format works out...

Bones
It's a third tier show at best, but it's watchable... I suppose. It seems to be getting less and less watchable with each passing episode, but for whatever reason, I keep watching it. Apparently so does everyone else.

House
Another forgone conclusion for the network, House was rather obviously renewed. I wouldn't have been too sad to see this one go, I have to admit. The past few seasons have plummeted this once privileged show into the lower rungs of my third tier. Fox will be sticking with it next year, but I can't be sure that I will...

Fringe
I didn't hang in there long enough for this one, but I've been meaning to give it another go. I've heard it's gotten crazy good, but by now, I've missed so much that I'll have to Netflix it before I can really jump back in. I'm glad to see it's back. Even if just to prove that Sci Fi can work on network TV. Poor ABC... they tried. They really did...

Kitchen Nightmares
You know, I can't stand this show, but after watching dozens of episodes of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (the original, British version, not the ersatz American version), I really love Gordon Ramsay. I wish to hell this show were more watchable. At any rate, it's back.

Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons, and The Cleveland Show
Yep, aside from Sit Down, Shut Up, the entire slate of animated comedies will be back next year. My god, how I wish The Simpsons would just be put out of its misery. I thought for sure that after more than a decade of being unwatchable, they'd finally end this once-stellar series, but no. Sad. Very sad.

***SHOWS THAT WON'T BE JOINING US NEXT YEAR (sarcastic tear)***

24
Finally! Good lord, even hard core fans of the show are ready for this sucker to be put out to pasture. I honestly haven't ever watched too much of this one, but I've heard it's much better when viewed on DVD, so maybe someday I'll be in the mood for some jingoism and torture and will give it a shot. Longest day of your life, eh? Well, this has felt like about the longest decade of programming of my life, so what say we call it even? So long, schedule hog. Making room for better and brighter... or so one would hope. I've only seen and heard bits and pieces about Fox's new shows so far, but I'll let you know what I find out when I find it out.

'Til Death
I have no words to describe my disappointment that this piece of shit lasted as long as it did. Finally, finally, finally it's over. What an embarrassment this was. Bleck. "'Til Death" indeed!

Sons of Tucson
I never even realized this one ever premiered... so you can see where I'm just heartbroken that it's gone.

Past Life
Far and away one of the worst pilots I've ever seen, and I think we all know I've seen a lot of pilots. I think this waste of time survived for 3 episodes. Which, in related news, was 3 episodes too many. Awful. Truly awful. Won't be missed. Oh, but wait! The insanely bland, seemingly drunk lead actress who dazzled us in Past Life has been cast in a new pilot! Squee! And if that weren't enough, it's a Jerry Bruckheimer production! (Sometimes the horsemen of the apocalypse come in twos, it seems...) Yikes. Seriously, The Chase couldn't look worse if it tried, and if I know Jerry Bruckheimer, he's already trying. Really hard. Seriously, I don't know how let that man be in charge of anything even, but he simply won't go away. Michael Bay, too... Blarg.