Come All Ye Superman Franchise Alums

Sooo, about last night...

I have to tell ya, I'm a little conflicted about this season of Chuck. I'm thoroughly enjoying it, don't get me wrong, but there are certain aspects which I'm totally digging, and others I'm a little apprehensive about. Let me count the ways...

I'm very pleased with the new cast members this season (namely Brandon Routh (rhymes with "south") of Superman Returns notoriety and Kristin Kruek (rhymes with "Luke," or so I've heard) of Smallville fame--rest assured, she's much less annoying in her current role). Now that Bryce is dead, the show was in need of some new spy blood to mix things up a bit. So far Routh , who plays new team commander Shaw, has performed admirably. He has taken the thankless role of the upper management type guy who comes in, takes over, and rocks the boat. As a viewer, you can't stand the fact that he's been put in a position where he can decide the fates of Sarah, Chuck, and Casey with complete authority and you find yourself as frustrated as they are that Shaw is giving them orders and diagnosing their problems through an imperious staff review. He has stirred things up in exactly the way the writers intended and have forced viewers to align themselves even more closely with the show's main trio than before. To further upset the balance, Shaw taps into Chuck's frustrations of being treated like an incompetent civilian and sends him on his first solo mission. The wannabe spy inside Chuck jumps at the chance to prove himself, much to Sarah's and Casey's dismay. In a way, this pits Casey and Sarah not only against Shaw for taking over, but also against Chuck who totally sides with Shaw. I was a little worried for where this would be heading when Chuck seemingly completed the task at hand without Casey or Sarah's help, but rest assured, everything went to hell in a hand-basket, just as it should. I'm glad to see Chuck getting better at the whole spy-game and all, but the entire conceit of the show hinges on him being the geeky Buy More employee and not super-spy. The fact that he has the intersects in his head and should be the most insanely super of all spies, but he clearly still has a long way to go as both Casey and Sarah have to bail him out of his first ever solo mission.

I know that we're supposed to be annoyed by Shaw, and to large extent, I totally am, but I see his character as a facilitator for all sorts of new interpersonal problems and new storyline arcs to be taken. Rather predictably, the show undercut Shaw's more off-putting authoritarian ways with a teary backstory, but so far, I think it's playing out nicely. I would have liked a bit more hinting and teasing at Shaw's real story, but what can ya do. The spy-wife-who-died-in-the-field backstory wouldn't have been my first choice, but I liked that they used that as an explanation for why he is seemingly so hell bent on Chuck becoming self-sufficient. Shaw seems to think he was in some way responsible for his wife's death, and although we don't know the particulars of the story, it gives Shaw some interesting (if predictable) depth. It also gives him more than a little in common with Sarah, what with the dead spy lover and all the guilt and whatnot... When Sarah lied to him about why she was in Lisbon, he claimed to have believed every word, but I'm not buying it. He's way too savvy and cunning to have bought her story hook, line, and sinker, so I'd be pretty surprised if that's the angle the writers take. I think there's a lot more to Shaw and his agenda than meets the eye and I'm pretty damn excited to see how it plays out. He seems to have been constructed as the kind of character who comes in, is initially hated, but eventually wins people over and I'm abundantly fine with that. There have been a few hints that he's poised to take over as a love interest for Sarah, and quite frankly, after seeing her get screwed over by Chuck, I'm all about that.

I've always felt that Sarah needed to be with a real spy, someone who could match her skills and keep up with her. Her relationship with Chuck is far too protective to be a viable romantic pairing. Sarah and Bryce were a real match for one another and came together on equal footing. Sarah's relationship with Chuck has always been predicated on his helplessness, and I just don't think that's an appealing launch point for a pairing. The fact that Chuck has both intersects potentially at his disposal and the fact that he's sort of becoming a real spy throws that dynamic into a tailspin. I think that might be one of the reasons Sarah was so uncomfortable with Chuck going on a solo mission. His new abilities compromise their current relationship construct and she isn't too comfortable with that. I think Shaw probably picked up on some of the parent/child, teacher/student vibe between then and wanted to shake things up. Of course, in Sarah's (and Casey's defense), they're the ones who've had to save Chuck's ass at least once a week for the past two years, so dynamics aside, they know Chuck isn't ready for this. And clearly he isn't.

Speaking of romantic pairings based on a much closer to equal footing, Kristin Kruek joins the show as Hannah, a tech savvy sweetheart who completely captivates Chuck instantly. Chuck's relationship with Sarah has always been uneven and largely one-sided. I think this is part of the reason Chuck ultimately turned Sarah down. Their relationship has never been one of peers. She's his protector, he's the screw-up who needs protecting. She's the confident sex kitten, he's the milquetoasty geek. She's the badass, and he's just an asset. As far as How I Met Your Mother would weigh in, Sarah's one hell of a settler, and Chuck's a pretty serious reacher. It's a set-up that would predictably lead to Chuck being smitten with such an awesome potential love interest, but when the opportunity to actually be with her arises, it's a pretty daunting prospect. Sarah may have decided she cares for Chuck, but that still doesn't put them on an equal footing. I'm not saying this excuses Chuck's actions, but I do think it points to the fact that things wouldn't have worked out between them in their current states. Spending two years trying to convince Sarah they should be together and then blowing her off is still pretty damned inexcusable and decidedly douchey, but at least there's some logical backing for it from a story point of view.

Anyway, with Chuck and Sarah at odds for the moment (in more ways than one--deep down when Sarah told Shaw he could transfer her if he wanted to, I think she totally wanted it), it opens the door for Chuck to give a more viable relationship a chance. I haven't watched Smallville in ages, but from way back when (good god, that show's in like its 10th season now), I seemed to recall that Lana Lang was fairly annoying... Fortunately, as Hannah, she's surprisingly delightful. Hannah and Chuck hit it off immediately and it was clear that Kruek and Zach Levi have wonderful chemistry together. At the end of the day, it'll never work out (what with Chuck having this huge pile of secrets to keep and very little ability to keep them), but I think this will give Chuck a chance to have a real relationship. I think this whole season is turning into a coming of age story. Chuck is trying to become a real spy, a real adult, with real responsibilities, and with Hannah, have a real relationship (unless of course she's evil or something, and let's face it, she probably is). Whether any of that will actually pan out is yet to be seen, but I can't wait for the ride. The show is grounded in the fact that Chuck isn't any of those things and doesn't have anything really real to hang onto, so it could lead to some sticky dynamics in the future, but so far, I'm confident the writers will pull it off. I'm very pleased with where things are going at the moment, so reservations aside, I'm pretty stoked to see how things work out with the old players being presented with a whole new game.

In administrative news, Chuck's ratings have held pretty steady, in spite of one of the most brutally competitive timeslots on TV. With NBC drowning, the bar has been lowered to the point where I think Chuck's future is fairly secure. It's out-performing Heroes by a fair margin, so if push comes to shove, Heroes will hopefully get the axe. I say "hopefully" instead of "will" because, well, NBC has certainly made more moronic moves in the past, but I think even they're beginning to realize just how unwatched and dead Heroes really is.

Fingers crossed!

Passive-Aggressive Note

As many of you already know, some sad sorry pathetic human being (or service chimp trained for malfeasance) has been stealing drinks from our supplies. Most notably, case upon case of Diet Coke began disappearing not too long ago. We hid/locked up all our drinks, and that seems to have curbed the problem to large degree, but then some of the iced tea appeared to have gone missing. Seriously...

In an attempt to stem the tide of patheticalness-induced thievery (yes, patheticalness is a word--I'm as shocked as you are), I posted the following notice in the room where we keep some of the drinks (it's where the fridge lives, so we don't have a whole hell of a lot of choice).

Much to no avail. The notice was promptly removed (by the thief, I have no doubt--although at least s/he appears to have broadened his/her scope of items to take) and the drinks have to be moved to somewhere even more secure. (Or totally totally less secure, if you happen to know where it is. Seriously, how did we decide on that location?)

Every week we have a board meeting so every week I am reminded of what a lame-ass problem this is. So, if you happen to be the person stealing drinks, please stop. It's rather annoying and makes me very very sad for you.

Surprisingly Shallow for a Deep End

I'm not going to spend too much time talking about ABC's latest outing because just sitting through the pilot episode of The Deep End felt like an eternity already. You know you're in trouble when you pull up the DVR timeline to see how long you've been suffering and find the arrow point to minute 18.

The Deep End is clearly trying to be Grey's Anatomy with lawyers, but it can't even rise to that painfully low bar (I'm talking recent seasons of Grey's as the low bar. The Deep End is about a zillion miles from the guilty pleasure of the early seasons, but it can't even match up to the crapitude of present days). The show follows a bunch of newbie lawyers as they navigate the stressful, scary world of working for a big time law firm. I tried to imagine if I'd have been intrigued by this show if I'd never ever seen a legal drama before, but no, not even then should anyone care about this generic waste of time. I loves me a legal drama and I couldn't stand this mess. It felt as though the writers were trying to put all the awesome, salacious, and required elements of every genre ever into one neat little package, but ended up with a giant steaming pile of awful.

The pilot was insanely unfocused and had entirely too many storylines and characters to keep track of. In general, I have no problem juggling tons of characters and tons of storylines all at once, but here? It did not work. At all. I got the impression they were trying to relay the harried pace and frenetic atmosphere of doing grunt work in a law firm, but instead it was just annoying and meaningless. The closest the pilot came to an actual legal case was a stupid custody battle that ended up being unraveled by one of the up-and-coming young lawyers when, like Human Target, he's having a casual conversation with someone and then does the dreaded, "Wait, what did you just say?!" Ugh. Again. Seriously, you'd think it were a requirement by Standards and Practices. As bad as that storyline was, it at least had some structure and some semblance of legal infrastructure. All the other stories were so fragmented that it was hard to understand given the level of caring I was doing. With ER, the writers managed to showcase what the atmosphere is really like in a busy emergency room and tell dozens of stories all at once and the audience loved it. It was like "Ooh! What's going on over here?!" with ER and "Wait, what's going on over here?" with The Deep End. The biggest difference? I genuinely cared about the characters on ER. On The Deep End? I spent the entire episode feeling nostalgic for all the awesome shows the cast worked on previously which only made their present gig all the more painful to watch. Seriously, never before have I seen a pilot with more "Hey, it's so-and-so!" going on. Even the clients-of-the-week were names. Here's the shortlist (of regulars and one timers): Jack from Jack and Bobby, Mac from Veronica Mars, Billy Zane from, uh, Titanic is about it, I guess, Harold Abbot from Everwood, Carlton Lassiter from Psych, Ellis Grey from Grey's Anatomy (hey, maybe if we have some GA alums on the show, the audience will be fooled into thinking we pulled this off!), Professor Landry from Veronica Mars, and Phee from Dawson's Creek. There were more, I'm sure, but those are the ones I'm pulling off the top of my head. Some of those names make me want to give this show another shot, but I just don't think I could stomach it. Never have I felt so bad for so many actors all at once.

Anyway, the pilot goes over most of the standard legal show clichés (while at the same time completely ignoring actual legalese) and then throws in everything else. For example, after work? These kiddies all end up at a bar/swimming pool... be-cause that's just what lawyers do... if they live in Melrose Place. I guess the pool is a metaphor for these kiddies having been thrown in the legal deep end (which, characters actually mentioned the fact that they were in the deep end at least three times in the pilot--oy), but, well, wait... why is there a pool again? Why, for the scantily clad ratings gatherers, of course! Thanks for the clarification, ABC. It still doesn't make sense. In standard Grey's Anatomy style, the show focuses more on the sex lives of the characters than on anything else. The difference is that Grey's managed to build some relationships that the audience actually cared about and managed to throw in some actual medical. The Deep End frantically forces a bunch of faux relationships on viewers, none of which does anyone care about. So, at the end of the episode when everyone hooks up with everyone else, I couldn't have cared less. Quite frankly, I didn't care about these people as individuals so I cared even less about them as pairs. When there's no build up and no suspense, there's no pay off.

I don't care to recount any of the stupid plotlines or even stupider resolutions because I just didn't care. When you don't care about the people you're watching, you don't care if dingy blonde lawyer is having a crisis of conscience or lothario lawyer is getting in hot water. Aside from what should have been a stellar cast, this show really has nothing going for it... including viewers. Heh. I just checked the ratings and it garnered a paltry 1.8 in the key demo. To give you a sense of how truly awful that is, I believe that's right around Heroes' current numbers. This show won't be garnering any positive word of mouth and the critical buzz has been nothing but bad, so odds are its ratings for next week will been pretty devastatingly dismal for ABC. The good news? This means that FlashForward (whose ratings were considerably higher in the same timeslot) has a fighting chance. FF has its problems, but after watching this assault on the narrative, it's looking better and better by the minute.

I've already spent far more time on this mess than I'd like to admit, so I'll wrap this up. The Deep End isn't worth your time. If you're looking for a legal drama to add to your schedule, tune into CBS's The Good Wife. It has engaging characters, interesting legal cases, a working knowledge of the law, powerful dynamics, good writing, witty dialogue... let's just say it has everything The Deep End doesn't.

Except for Billy Zane. Of course. So if he's the draw for you (and I'm operating in a world where that's conceivably possible), you can go ahead and be one of the nine people watching The Deep End next week.

Enjoy! All 8,364 mind-melting minutes of it...

Pilot Grade: F

Disappointment Unexpected

Every so often a show comes along which I wish to hell I hadn't heard anything about it prior to viewing. In general, I shy away from other people's reviews so that they don't taint my perceptions, and to large degree with the CW's newest drama Life Unexpected, I avoided other opinions. But, little bits of this and that filtered through and I ended up expecting the much heralded return to the halcyon days of the WB and a new Gilmore Girls to bring me joy, but was rather met with a pretty pedestrian, mediocre, fairly cheesy program bent on tapping into what's left of the fervor over Juno. I have to assume that if I hadn't heard anything at all, I'd have gone in with low expectations and been pleasantly surprised that the show was decent-ish. But, as is, I went in expecting something great, so it seemed to fall even shorter than it probably actually did.

What have we learned from this? Keep expectations low.

Words to live by.

The show had been touted as delightful and charming and while it certainly had its moments, if I had to boil the pilot down to a couple of adjectives, I think I'd have to settle on "annoying" and "ridiculous." That makes it sound like I really hated it, but in all honesty, it was... okay, I guess. While high expectations were my first problem with this pilot, however, they certainly weren't my last.

Life Unexpected centers around Lux (a soon-to-be 16 year-old wide-eyed ingenue who thinks she's a lot more savvy and street smart than she is) who, after being bounced around from crappy foster home to crappy foster home, ultimately finds the biological parents she never knew (Cate and Nate--hey, at least it's easy to remember... and type), and who end up taking her in. Cate is a radio talk show host and falls into the typical female character stereotype of being a bit shrewish, kind of hysterical, and constantly emotional. She ended up having a bit more edge than expected, but she's still damned unlikeable. Nate is a bar owner and falls into the typical male role of shlubby underachiever. It was starting to feel like the stereotypes so ardently adhered to in Knocked Up (which I hated) and was starting to fear the worst, but fortunately it turned itself around to some extent. In and of itself, it isn't exactly my kind of set-up, but I do think it has potential (even if the pilot quickly devolved into ridiculous plot points and cheesiness). I don't want to belabor the rationale behind some of the characters' actions, but there's some absurdity that needs to be addressed first off.

Lux's crusade to find her biological parents stems from a desire to become emancipated and apparently she needs their signatures in order to do this... I know, it's already starting to sound stupid, but wait! There's more! So yeah, apparently since she was never adopted, her biological parents (at least her father--who never signed away his parental rights) still technically have custody. I'm not exactly an expert in this arena, but yeah... no they don't. If, when Cate was giving up the baby she had indicated who the father was, as far as I know, he would have had to have been informed. Things may have changed since the mid-nineties (holy hell, for this girl to be 16 she would have had to have been born in like 1994... I'm suddenly very old...), but as far as I know, that's how it works. In this alternate reality, however, Nate was never informed that Cate (which I keep typing as "Cake"--so maybe it's not so easy to type... although far more delicious) had even gone through with the pregnancy, thinking she had had an abortion. The more annoyed I became with the show, the more I was wishing that had been the case as well. Anyway, back on the crazy train, apparently Lux did absolutely no research into become emancipated because she actually thought that a minor with no income, no housing, and no family or other support would be allowed to emancipate herself. It's the stupidest thing I've come across in a good long while (well, not including all the major plot points in Human Target's first two episodes). The absolute stupidest part? At the court hearing it's revealed that some social worker gave Lux all this information. I can believe that some stupid teenager didn't understand that this would never work, but a social worker? You've got to be kidding me.

That was just one ridiculous step on the annoyingly convenient journey that led these three people together. At the end of the day (er... episode), it rather gratingly felt like the writers were desperate to come up with some possible way for these people to have to come together. Well, they should have tried a little harder because I can think of a dozen other ways this could have played out, all of which would have been a million times less absurd than this.

Sorry, one more absurdity: that Lux was never adopted. The writers add a couple of throw away lines about a hole in her heart (that's as deep as a well, for that poor little boy who's trapped halfway to hell--thanks, Sting, you just ruined a touching moment) that needed to be fixed so no one would adopt her. Possible, I suppose, but I'm not buying it. She would have been scooped up immediately. A very treatable condition in an otherwise healthy, non-drug addicted blonde haired, blue-eyed infant? Not a big deal. But, if that's what the writers have to come up with to make this conceit come together, fine.

Ranting aside, Lux eventually finds Nate and Cake (screw it, I'm not fixing it). Nate is kind of charmingly open to the idea of having a daughter although the actors playing Nate and Lux look a little too close in age for comfort. The girl playing Lux is 20, so even though Nate is appropriately 33, when he's sitting close to her and kind of gazing at her (picking out inherited features), it really looks and feels more like he's checking her out... which is pretty squicky given the circumstances. The actor playing Nate isn't particularly appealing, but I can see where he might grow on me. Shirri Appleby (of Roswell fame) in the role as Cake, however, isn't so much likely to grow on me as irritate me to death. Even her persona on her radio show is irksome and after Nate contacts her on Lux's behalf, she becomes even more irritating and unbearable.

Back in the day, Nate was the hunky sports guy and Cake was kind of the nerd (the show seemed to not be able to quite pin down who they wanted her to be). They hooked up at winter formal and Lux was the result. There's a hell of a lot of bitterness on Cake's part which is totally understandable (Nate refused to even acknowledge they knew each other), but the level of hysteria it brings to her present self is grating at best. Add to that the fact that she cheats on her radio co-host/fiancé (played by Kerr Smith of Dawson's Creek fame (infamy?)) with Nate (whom she claims to loath) and I think I'm going to have a hard time liking her all that much. Which, come to think of it, I have to give some props to a show that's willing to have an unlikeable character as one of the leads. They get even more points because I think that was their intention. It doesn't make her any more fun to watch (I don't love to hate her, I just hate her at this point), but at least they were willing to take a chance and give the show a bit more to chew on than your standard fluff piece.

I think the show presents some interesting dynamics, albeit dynamics I'm not sure I'm in love with. I generally take issue with children who were given up for adoption feeling contempt for their birth parents and it's especially palpable here. Lux is more than a little upset that Cake gave her up and that Cake never considered keeping her. Apparently the fact that Cake was 16 never crossed Lux's mind. There's no way in hell Cake could have become anything in life if she'd had to drop out of school or devote her every teenage waking hour to child care. I can see where a whiny 16 year old would feel that way, but again, it doesn't make it any less annoying to watch. Much more interesting, by far I'd say, are the dynamics among the adults. I'm genuinely interested to see how Cake's fiancé plays into everything, although I get the feeling the writers want us to pull for a Nate/Cake hook-up and at this point, I really really don't. I find them both unappealing for different reasons and don't have any real desire to see them together. I'm hopeful that over the evolution of the show I'll grow to appreciate them both, but based on the pilot alone, I'm underwhelmed.

So yeah, those two fairly off-putting people end up taking in their off-putting daughter... to create an off-putting trio (because clearly the missing ingredient in this show was more off-puttingness). The series of events leading up to Lux moving in with her bio mom (and dad?) are ridiculous, but they're over now and the show can move on (at least here's hoping). The cast is rounded out by a couple of Nate's friends who, in spite of very little screen time, were easily the most likeable characters on the show (and we all know it's a good sign when the minor players are more enjoyable to watch than the leads). I'm hopeful they factor into the show in a more substantive way in the future, but I'm not holding my breath. At this point, they just felt like convenient place holders.

In better news, the show really does have some decent bare bones to work with. While I admit I'm not in love with the conceit, the writers have legitimately set up a dynamic that you don't see everyday and managed to write with some wit and humor that didn't feel sit-comish. In spite of their clear break with reality when it comes to anything legal or logical, the wacky happenstance that got us to the end of the pilot can be forgiven if the show can pick things up from here and create a solid character base out of a fairly silly narrative base. I'm willing to forgive a hell of a lot of if the characters are interesting enough, so here's hoping they can pull this one out of the bag. The dialogue was pretty solid for the most part (although comparing a show to Gilmore Girls is just begging for a world of hurt), but the cheesier aspects of the storyline made for some unfortunate moments (you know, like when Lux tells her mom that it's like she really did raise her... because Lux has been listening to her on the radio... oy). I'd argue that the pacing was too fast and that too much happened way too quickly, but most of what happened annoyed me so I was happy to see it go. I suspect they'll slow things down in episodes to come and make it more of the character piece I think they intend it to be.

Overall, it honestly wasn't a bad pilot, but I expected better. The good aspects only slightly outweighed the annoyances for me and that's not a ratio that leaves me smitten. The final scene alone was so cheesy and absurd and sappy that it kind of tarnished many of the wonderful scenes earlier in the pilot. As Lux sits down to her birthday cake (the food this time, not the bio mom) to blow out her candles (because of course the man who never knew she existed and his bar-hopping buddies would throw her a birthday party) she is told that if she doesn't blow out all the candles, her wish won't come true. All together now, in cheesetastic, teary-eye bliss, "I think it already has." Yeah, I think we all saw that coming, and when I say "all," I mean there's an 87 year-old Amish man out there who's never seen a sappy drama before groaning at the use of such a trite cliché. It was an eye-rollingly predictable and ugh-worthy note to leave the audience on and that's a real shame.

Life Unexpected certainly had some good points, but it also has a lot of negatives to overcome if it's going to make it into my regular rotation. I'm just not lovin' it so far. The ending scene left me shaking my head and taking away points that had been gained with some funny one-liners earlier on, but I think the thing that wins them the most points back is that they fixed the title. It was going to be called Life UneXpected (which is how they came up with "Lux"), but decided against it. Good. Call. More shows should follow in these footsteps (HawthoRNe, I'm looking in your direction). Although, the fact that they ever even considered that makes me a little uneasy about the creators of the show... Here's hoping the good decisions keep on coming and this turns into a show I can really sink my teeth into.

Pilot Grade: C+ (before the final scene, I had settled on a B-, but I just can't allow that kind of writing to be rewarded)

How Badass Was My Valley

...as far as this show is concerned, extremely badass. That's pretty much it. The whole conceit. Mark Valley is a badass and isn't afraid to let bad guys know it.

Human Target, Fox's newest high-octane venture centers around Valley's character Christopher Chance (yeah, I know, apparently Derek Danger was taken) as he acts as a pseudo-bodyguard who specializes in getting his clients as close to killed as possible without actually getting them blown up in a train (or a plane--as we'll see next week). Maybe the conceit is Valley badassily protecting people on some sort of fuselage shaped vehicular conveyance... boy, that's deep (in that I suspect week 3 will have a submarine as its A-plot). Valley's character (I just can't bring myself to call him Chance. It's just too lame) apparently aims to lure would-be assailants into the open and thereby exposing who it is that's trying to kill his client. So... you're going to use me as bait, huh? Is that what I'm understanding? Gee. Thanks.

Speaking of deep, if that's what you're looking for, I suggest you look elsewhere. The pilot made some allusions as to why Valley's character would put himself in harm's way day in and day out, nearly getting himself killed at every turn, and while I'd like to believe this who will become a more cerebral psychological profile of fate tempters and risk takers, I'll believe it when I see it. So far? This show is your basic shoot 'em, blow 'em up, derail 'em up action piece that focuses a lot more closely on the fighting and pyrotechnics than on anything else. Which is fine, if that's what the show is going for, but unless it adds some more depth and substance, I'm afraid I'll get bored. The story of the week will involve some client or other who needs protecting and then we'll never see that person ever again. Hence, even though the A-plot might be entertaining in its own right, I have a hard time caring about people or characters who don't matter in the grander scheme of things.

With that in mind, it's pivotal that that the audience care about Valley a whole hell of a lot and almost instantaneously. Valley (most recently seen on Fringe, and who's married to Anna Torv) plays your typical arrogant cad and does very little to reinvent that particular wheel. He's not unlikeable, but I'm just not sure how much appeal he's going to warrant down the road... (I've never been a big Mark Valley fan so the fact that I didn't hate him in this is a good sign, I suppose). Now, it was a decent pilot, but I'm not particularly invested in Valley or anyone else in the scant supporting cast at this point. As near as I can tell, the show only has three series regulars: Valley's James Bond-y, Michael Westen-y, Kevin Costner-y (oh, come on, The Bodyguard? Yeah, you're right, strike that) badass protector guy, Chi McBride (eee! Emerson from Pushing Daisies!) as Winston, the curmudgeonly client-relations organizer guy who tries to keep Valley from getting killed, and Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach from Watchmen) as, uh, well... he's kind of the tech guy and kind of the underworld contact all at once. His character is named Guerrero and he looks like he's wearing a wig and fake mustache, although I don't see why that would be the case. At any rate, it was distracting and I kept expecting him to pull it all off at the end to reveal-- I have no idea, but something.

I think the show is going to have a hell of a time keeping the storylines fresh and engaging with such a meager cast. The show has been adapted from a comic book, however, and the writers of the comic seemed to make it work. I'm not sure it will fare so well on TV though. It's the same problem countless other programs have run into. Most recently, I'd say Eleventh Hour suffered (all the way to its death) by only having two or three regular characters in the show. I realize that the procedural is all the rage these days and that most shows have an A-plot that won't really even matter next week and with a range of people we'll never see again, but those shows also have at least 5 or 6 series regulars to keep things interesting. I'll give the show a few more weeks to flesh out these three in a way that makes me actually care, but at the moment, I'm just not all that concerned if Valley survives and the supporting cast isn't diverse or engaging enough to compensate. We all know A-plots just don't do it for me alone (generally speaking), so here's hoping my prejudice against Valley can be outweighed by my adoration of Chi McBride (that man plays curmudgeonly like nobody's business).

Speaking of A-plots, the pilot featured a rather ambitious set up on a bullet train with Valley protecting Tricia Helfer's character. It seems a shame that an actress as awesome and accomplished as Helfer would find herself in just the pilot alone, but near as I can tell, that's where we are. The A-plot hinged on Valley being a master of all trades in Michael Westen-y fashion. It would have been nice if the pilot had given us even the slightest inkling how Christopher Chance came to know everything there is to know about everything, but I'm okay with not knowing. If they had launched into ten minutes of plot exposition about his background I'd have been much more annoyed, so I guess this is better. (I think my only concern in this case is that I'm not totally sure the writers have thought of a reason yet and that's irksome... Odds are the comic book writers did, so we'll see how faithful a translation this is...) For this particular assignment, Chance must speak Japanese fluently, be skilled in hand-to-hand combat and advanced weapons training, be hyper-observant, oh, and know how to construct a parachute out of a tarp and a seat belt. Clearly this is one of those concepts that you just kind of have to go with, and I'd be happy to do so if it weren't quite so riddled with fridge logic. There are certain shows where fridge logic doesn't bother me all that much (you know, all that stuff that doesn't really make any sense at all but that at the time seems fine--Leverage, I'm looking in your direction), but with Human Target, I found myself unraveling the fridge logic way too quickly to be fine with it. For example, to badassily save Tricia from being poisoned by an assassin posing as wait staff on the train, he notes that the ice in her drink is cubed, but not in anyone else's. Wow, how life-savingly hyper-observant of you! Thank god we have such James Bondy badass on our team! That's how the initial impression on audiences is supposed to go, but then the fridge logic hits you. So wait, are you telling me the assassin brought his own ice on the train? Why the hell would that be necessary? Were the ice cubes themselves what were poisoned? That's... really stupid, yet somehow more plausible than the assassin bringing his own wet bar onto a bullet train. Wouldn't he just bring a vial or pill or baggie of powder with the poison in it, prepare a drink for her as anyone else on the wait staff would, then add the poison? I suppose the train could have had an ice dispenser that allowed for either crushed or cubed and the show is implying that the assassin didn't notice that the ice was crushed, but he would have had to have specifically changed the setting on the ice dispenser and been oblivious to the three hundred other drinks on board. As I'm envisioning a party on a train, I see buckets of crushed ice at the bar that apparently the assassin completely ignored. Anyway you slice it, this assassin seems to be trying way too hard... Seriously, if you come up with a way in which this plot point wasn't stupid, please let me know. That was far and away one of the most egregious fridge logic offenses, but it was kind of pivotal to the story and managed to taint most of the rest of the pilot for me... The rest of the fridge logic (Why the hell would the assassin have chosen the train debut for the kill? Why wouldn't the assassin have just rescheduled the hit after the drink didn't work? Why didn't they stop the train after the guy who did drink the poison collapsed? Yeah, that's right, after assessing that Tricia's drink was poisoned, he put the drink back down on the table for someone else to take! Way to protect people, dumbass. I guess he only protects them if they pay him...) would take days to recount, but rest assured, it was annoying.

The pilot eventually devolved into Mark Valley beating the hell out of the bad guy and then splattering him on the wall of a tunnel. Um, yay? After that, it's discovered that the train can't stop (because the brakes are out, of course), so Mark and Tricia fly to safety with aid of a homemade parachute that Valley McGuyvered in like a minute and half. Oh yeah, more fridge logic coming at you--so they all ditched the train, but the damn thing is still going to derail pretty soon, but apparently no one really cares. I, uh, assume they warned the people down the line? I sure hope that train doesn't go anywhere near any buildings or people or anything... No one really seems all that concerned about the train... Whatever.

What on earth were Chi McBride and Jackie Earle Haley up to all this time? I'm not totally sure, but I'm pretty certain I didn't really care. McBride seemed busy middle managing and muttering while Haley was making phone calls. Sounds boring, doesn't it? Well, it was. I realize the need for that kind of aspect to the show and that kind of character around to figure things out, but it was handled in about the most lackluster possible way. Haley figured out that Tricia had cheated on her husband some time ago and pieced the whole thing together just in time. He actually had a House moment when some guy he was talking to said something and he literally stopped and said, "What did you just say?" Oy. The only way it could have been lamer or more textbook is if they had done the whole, "No, no, before that!" Mercifully, they did not, so that totally wins them back a few points. What did all this effort and fighting and gum-shoery figure out in the end? The husband did it. Well hell, I could have told you that 42 minutes ago.

It wasn't a terrible pilot, but it should have been a better. I think that's where I'm coming down on the pilot pretty hard. The writing should have been tighter, the narrative should have made a lot more sense, and the interplay between all the characters should have mattered a whole lot more. Tricia was seriously the most well-rounded, engaging characters in the pilot and we'll never see her again. Writers have more time, more money, and more leeway to do as they please with a pilot, so I kind of expect them to be better than this. I know that sounds counter to my philosophy that you can't judge a show solely by its pilot (and really, you can't), but for this type of show, it should have given viewers a lot more. In the same vein as Alias, Spooks, and Burn Notice, I want to be sucked in, mesmerized, and completely blown away by the pilot and with Human Target, I left feeling a bit underwhelmed and not exactly chomping at the bit for next week. (And yes, I realize it's kind of paradoxical to be "sucked in" and "blown away" by something. It's like Bart's rules of physics.)

The production value was solid and the bare bones of the show have a fair bit of potential, but I got the feeling the writers didn't really work out all the logistics before they put this all together. I enjoyed the action and the fight sequences on the same level that I always do, and the acting was solid, but at the end of the day, I'm just not sure I really cared about these people or what was happening to them. If they want to make this show work, I'd suggest they bring in a couple more characters, they refine their A-plots so that they matter in the grander scheme of things, analyze their fridge logic and remove it, give the show more substance and psychological depth, and create a dynamic among characters that makes me actually care if they get blown to bits or not. It's hard to feel connected with characters after only one episode, I'll admit, but I was desperate to find out what was going to happen to Sydney Bristow, couldn't wait to see how Micheal Westen would get his life back, and was on pins and needles hoping Tom Quinn would come out on top. Christopher Chance? I, uh, guess it would be pretty unfortunate for the maintenance workers, if they, uh, had to clear away his remains... and that would be bad, I guess...

I'm not saying this show can't make it (a number of classic shows have had less than classic pilots), but so far? I'm unconvinced.

Pilot Grade: C+

He Knows Kung Fu... sometimes...

The little show that could on the crappy-ass network that couldn't finally (FINALLY) made its return on Sunday and did not disappoint. After Chuck's season finale last year, I was more than a little apprehensive about the path the show would take in its coming year. You know, what with Chuck suddenly having super powers and all... Well, the powers that be have managed to add new layers and intrigue to the concept without totally diminishing the basic concept that has made the show so delightful to watch since day one.

Chuck 2.0 not only has all the intersect information in his head that has always been there, but he also apparently has a seemingly unending cache of physical abilities, special skills, and badass martial arts tucked away in his head. After last season's finale, it was hard to know just how this would all play out. I had feared that Chuck, the new super-spy, would lose a lot of what made him Chuck. I was afraid he would be this unstoppable force who, not unlike Neo in The Matrix sequels (and who got a rather apropos shoutout), would be so formidable that it would be completely un-fun to watch. The season is admittedly only three episodes in, but the writers have skillfully avoided this so far and have set up one hell of a season.

I loved the premiere and think it set up the dynamics for the rest of the season nicely. I was very pleased to see that Chuck is just as Chuck-y as ever and when push comes to shove, he's no super-spy no matter how much information is potentially at his disposal. Chuck is a regular guy who gets freaked out by bad guys, hates guns, and is too emotionally invested in everything to be able to compartmentalize his feelings (like a good spy should). Although I'm still a bit apprehensive about Chuck having pretty much every piece of knowledge regarding everything that has ever existed in his head, the fact that he has such trouble accessing that information manages to keep the roots of the dynamic in tact. Chuck is a lot less useless and a bit less helpless this season, which, in the grander scheme of things, is where the show needed to go and is a logical next step for the show to take.

For the past two seasons (particularly season 2), I have found myself getting annoyed that Chuck doesn't seem to be getting any better at this spy stuff. I'm not saying he should be able to take out a room full of gun-wielding bad guys or infiltrate an evil cabal with ease, but it just felt like he should be making some progress. In certain regards, he made a lot of progress, but at the end of the day, he was still compromising missions for the dumbest of possible reasons and needing his ass saved every 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah, I understand that that's kind of the point of the show, but after a few dozen episodes, it was starting to feel a little too convenient. Still thoroughly enjoyable and all, but story-wise, I was getting the itch to see something more diverse.

Enter season 3, stage right. Chuck's new set of skills gives him a lot more to do and a lot more potential to do it right. There's a chance this could turn into Chuck The Super Spy, but I think the writers have things well in hand. They know that Chuck The Adorable Geek is the motif that works and is the concept upon which the entire show is built and I don't think they'd do anything too drastic to uproot that. Even with all his new abilities, Chuck still gets himself locked in a bank vault, thrown out by security, and totally in over his head when he has to remove a bullet from Casey's leg. Granted, his newly acquired skills manage to get him out of the last blunder, but it's done in similar fashion to his "flashes" of yore. He's still the fish out of water at the mercy of his emotions and the store of goodies in his head, only now he's accessing different kinds of information. I don't think Casey and Sarah will be rendered irrelevant anytime soon and Chuck will still need saving on a regular basis, I have no doubt.

In that vein, I very much liked that they showed Chuck at spy school...er, whatever... and showed him failing miserably. The intersect was never intended for the Chucks of the world. It was intended for a Bryce Larkin, and he's no Bryce Larkin. We know, he knows it, and General Beckmann knows it. Quite frankly, the fact that Chuck has these incredible resources in his head and still sucks at all this makes his failure all the more mortifying and devastating. And just when you thought that wasn't devastating enough, we find out what Chuck gave up in order to try his hand at spydom...

Another angle of the show which was handled well and which sets up an interesting dynamic for the future is the crashing and burning of their would-be romance. The writers had to come up with something to put the brakes on their relationship because there's just no way they could be a couple at this point. Not only would that take away all the tension and alter their dynamic in unfortunate ways, but from a practical point of view, Sarah really can't be protector and teacher if she's also the girlfriend. I've never really been much of a Chuck/Sarah shipper. I admit it. Quite frankly, I spent all of the first two seasons hoping Sarah and Bryce would get back together... This may just be me, but I was thrilled to see things go up in flames. Especially the way things went up in flames. For the previous two seasons, Sarah had been trying to remain professional and wouldn't allow herself to let Chuck into her life in a romantic way. Chuck spent the previous two seasons trying to live a normal life, protect his friends and family, and become romantically involved with Sarah. Well, after the events of the season 2 finale, Sarah risked everything to give Chuck exactly what he wanted and was unceremoniously clobbered for her efforts. Sarah knows him better than anyone and knows he's no super-spy, no matter how much doll architecture is in his brain. By asking Chuck to run away with her, she's not only giving him a chance at what he's wanted all along, but is also giving herself a chance to escape. She's been disenchanted with the spy world for a good long time and saw a future with Chuck as their shared way out. That Chuck turned her down was just devastating for her. And pretty damn douchey of Chuck, I must say. His claims that he did it because he had a chance to really help people and save the world and serve his country blah blah blah didn't mitigate this fact and as far as I'm concerned, are only about 10% of his reasoning. He can sound off about the greater good all he wants, as far as I'm concerned, he saw this as his chance to be James Bond and couldn't resist. He's been playing the dork, the loser, the screw-up, the helpless weakling for way too long for him to pass up the chance to be a badass, even if it goes against everything he's been pleading for since the spyworld entered his life. Sounds harsh? Well, where was all this "good of mankind" crap back when he desperately wanted the intersect out of his head for the past two years? The intersect had just as much potential to help serve his country, but he couldn't wait to get rid of it. Sure, he helped out on missions, but at the end of the day, it was all in a bid to get his old life back and get out of the game. Now, all of a sudden, he has some grander purpose in life? I'm not buying it. Not entirely, at any rate. Who knows, maybe Chuck went to spy school and realized that he really could make a difference and that changed his whole perspective, but it honestly goes against everything he's been begging Sarah for since this all began. She put herself on the line, risked her career to give him everything he ever wanted and he walked away. Ouch. I kept hoping Sarah would say, "Well Bryce would have run away with me!" just to spite him. And, let's face it, Bryce totally would have run away with her and as I recall, totally has in the past. Chuck, this person who is supposed to be the anti-Bryce, the anti-spy, wouldn't take a chance with her and that had to hurt.

I was glad to see Sarah take a step back and let Chuck know what's what with their relationship now, but it was irksome to see her mooning over him. I realize that she put her heart on the line and was brave enough to love him, but he chose the job after all was said and done--and a job that he kinda sucks at no less. It helps that he's still totally in love with her as well, but again, the mooning was off-putting at best. I did appreciate that in spite of this, she went out of her way to put him in his place. He wants to be a spy? He wants to keep the job? Fine. You want to be professional, we'll be professional. It makes for a nice dynamic going forward. She's a little bitter (going so far as to ask General Beckmann to replace her (although I think deep down, she was being totally honest about her presence being a detriment to Chuck's new abilities)) and Chuck has been humiliated, but they both still have to work together. I anticipate some longing and some jealousy to come, but having seen promos of future episodes with future love interests for both of them, I'm confident it will all be awesome.

Speaking of awesome, we can't not talk about him. These first three episodes have showcased Captain Awesome... er, Devin, in ways I never would have expected and am delighted to see. Going into a third season, it's high time a show reinvented itself and built some new constructs to work with. I think Devin's knowledge of Chuck's real job sets things up nicely. I don't totally love the idea that he knows all about the spy game Chuck is involved in and can't see where the CIA or NSA would be too cool with that, but it's a new facet to play with and so far? So awesome. Given the previews for next time, I get the inkling Devin isn't going to find the spy world as glamorous as he once did and I can't wait to see how it all plays out. He's been put in a position where he has to lie to everyone, particularly Ellie, and as Chuck can attest, it's an unenviable part to play. Will Awesome screw up and let the secret slip? Will he break down and tell her? How is that going to work? I can't wait to find out. Awesome indeed.

As a final note on the new season of Chuck, I think the most difficult line to walk will be with the Buy More. Season 1 did a hell of a job intertwining Chuck's mundane real life with his spytastic alter ego, but even as early as the beginning episodes of season 2, it seemed to get more labored at times. The more entrenched Chuck becomes in his new job, the less logical it is for him to have all that much to do with his old job. Does Chuck really need a cover if he becomes a real spy? For that matter, are Sarah and Casey even necessary if Chuck manages to tap his full potential? I'm not saying we're anywhere near that point yet, but with Chuck going on missions as an actual part of the team, it just seems less and less necessary that he hide out at the Buy More. I think the writers are inclined to agree as the third episode of this new season didn't have a single scene of the Buy More and didn't feature any of the Buy More cast of characters. Saddest part? I was a good 2/3rds into the episode before I even noticed. Don't get me wrong, I love the Buy More and I love all the crazies therein (Jeff and Lester never fail to make my day) and can't imagine the show without them, but I think the writers are going to have a harder and harder time integrating that aspect of the show into the new construct. I hope to hell they can make it work, but only time will tell. On a final Buy More-related note: Poor Buster...

The two-hour premiere opened to rather good numbers, but now the show has been moved to its rather unfortunate permanent timeslot on Mondays. Seriously, it's far and away one of the most competitive timeslots on the air. I don't know what the hell NBC is thinking, but, oh wait, they aren't. At least with Jay Leno's ignominious demise it'll have a better shot going forward. Honestly, if they're willing to keep Heroes around amid bad ratings and horrible scripting, they have no excuse to axe Chuck. I'm willing to wager they'll try to find a way, but with several new hours of TV to fill, and shows like Trauma and Mercy getting a possible reprieve, I'm hoping Chuck goes the distance. The numbers for Monday were down from Sunday, but they were still pretty good. Why NBC doesn't just keep it on Sunday, I'll never know. I haven't had a good Sunday show in ages and clearly there's an audience out there for it, but we all know NBC doesn't listen to reason.

Sigh. Here's hoping for the best. Or should I say awesomest?

New Year's Resolutions

I've never been one for setting goals, so the whole New Year's resolutiony thing has always struck me as pretty stupid. When asked by my fourth grade teacher what my goals for the next semester were (awwh, parent-teacher conferences... how very lame and mind-meltingly waste of timey), I couldn't come up with a damn thing. After several minutes worth of prodding, I rather wearily responded with, "I don't know... perform a lobotomy?" I was going to add "on you," but restrained myself. Not that there likely would have been much for me to remove, but at least it would be a goal worth giving a shot.

Fifth grade was no more fruitful. As an old, tattered written record of events confirmed for me a couple of years ago, when I couldn't come up with a academically acceptable goal, my teacher suggested, "How about... be less cynical..." My ten-year-old self had to concede the point.

Anyway, as I have a history of sucking at things like goals and resolutions for myself, I have opted to dole them out for TV.

TV and I have kind of been on the rocks lately. Between the current season just not quite doing it for me (across the board, to large extent) and the fact that TV abandoned me several weeks ago, I have a few grievances to air and more than a few suggestions to make.

RESOLUTIONS TV SHOWS/PRODUCERS/NETWORKS/ACTORS/ETC SHOULD MAKE:

• NBC: ...needs to stop sucking so very royally. Resolution #1? Man up and fire Jeff Zucker already! He's the CEO and president of the network and has been the driving force that rammed the network into the giant iceberg. After Comcast took over, I was sure he'd finally (FINALLY) get the axe, but no. I don't know what deals he's been making or with whom (good money is on Lucifer himself), but he must be in bed with some pretty powerful people to have been spared. Maybe it's a Stonecutters' plot... In other NBC resolution news, #2: They need to cancel The Jay Leno Show and Mercy immediately, they need to scale back on The Biggest Loser (the show has never needed to be two hours long, let's face it), and give talented writers some incentive to bring their shows to the network. As is, most writers worth their salt take their projects to a network that actually knows what the hell its doing, and NBC's scripted programming has been in stark decline ever since. They need to bring back the 9 o'clock hour and fill it with solid scripted programming. #3: Put Heroes out of its (and our) misery. I broke up with this one ages ago, but I still hear tidbits about it here and there and let me tell ya, I find myself gladder and gladder we broke up with each passing news bite. Yeah, apparently Ali Larter is playing identical quadruplets these days and Sylar is Nathan or something. Yikes. #4: They need to hold on to Chuck for dear life and give it a promotional campaign and timeslot that will actually allow it to survive. From what I'm hearing, the coming season is going to be better than ever. Can't. Wait. :)
  
  
• GOSSIP GIRL: ...needs to get back on track and return to its former glory. In a bizarro twist of fate, it's not even really the fact that they graduated from high school that has caused the problem. The show was never about high school to begin with, so that's the least of the show's worries. If anything, the problem is that it revolves too much around school these days as opposed to too little. The last few episodes have somewhat bolstered my confidence, but at the end of the day, the dynamics that make this show so great have largely been eliminated. Resolutions? #1: Break up Chuck and Blair. I know, I know, blasphemy, right? As much as I enjoy seeing them together on one level, on all other levels the relationship has lost all of its fire and snark. They need to break them up so that a new dynamic (one much more like their old dynamic) can take over. I would love to see them break up over betrayals on both sides of the fence. That would put them on an even keel for war. Which brings me to #2: Both Chuck and Blair have been suffering from badass decay for the entire season. Chuck much more so than Blair, but both have lost a lot of what made them awesome. It's satisfying to see other sides of Chuck's personality, but when it's done to the exclusion of the motherchucker core that we know and love, it's a wrong step. Also, he seems to have very little to do these days besides board meetings and crap. They need to give him a juicy storyline that awakens the badass of yore. Same goes for Blair. She's been relegated to little more than an annoyance for Chuck and a busybody without any real direction. #3: The writers need to raise the stakes and bring back the crazy. Remember when Blair was dating a British lord? Or when Little J was at the center of a social upheaval that we actually cared about? Or when Chuck... actually mattered? Yeah, they need to bring that all back. Stat. #4: Cut dead weight. Vanessa, I'm looking in your direction. #5: Bring back Gossip Girl herself. Seriously, when was the last time a storyline had anything to do with the website at all? The first two seasons presented a tantalizing and disturbing world when nothing is every private and everyone's dirty laundry is public, whether they like it or not. Gossip Girl was a weapon and a menace, and I miss that conceit. I could go on, but there are other shows which need to be taken to task...



• GLEE: ...needs to recognize what they've got and work with it better. As with Gossip Girl, I loves me some Glee, but there are still aspects which annoy me. #1: I'm a huge fan of anything that includes singing and dancing, but for a show like Glee, the musical numbers are so over-produced that it kind of takes me out of the moment. Seriously, you can't go from regular TV show conversation to a 40 person chorus and full musical accompaniment without it being a bit jarring. It makes the songs feel less organic to the story and makes the lip-syncing all the more apparent. #2: They kids are great performers, but not the greatest of actors. Some of them can certainly hold their own and generally speaking, they're adequate, but I think more emotional resonance and more convincing connections with the action would help considerably. #3: Accept the fact that Finn is NOT the show's male lead. The show keeps acting like he's the amazing glue holding the band of misfits together, but in actuality, he gets schooled by just about everyone else on the show. His singing and dancing are simply not strong enough and as a heartthrob? He falls short. I think we all know Puck is the real winner in this battle and Finn just isn't going to change that. Puck is a better singer, performer, and overall better character. It's no wonder people are pulling for Puckleberry (Rachel and Puck) while Rachel and Finn don't even have a celebrity portmanteau. Ouch.



• V and FLASHFORWARD: ...need to be completely retooled. V is painfully boring and FlashForward is laborious. Both shows have merit and potential, but unless they get their heads back in the game, they're well on their way to being cancelled. #1: V needs to build up characters that we actually care about. Seriously, 95% of the cast is just kind of... there. I think I'd be a lot more invested in the story if I cared one bit about the players. #2: V also needs to figure out what its end game is. At this point, they've established one big, huge storyline, but they don't seem to know where they want to go with it in the long run. Aside from "humans vs. aliens," they seem to be spinning their wheels. #3: FlashForward needs to get its head out of its ass and nail down its concept and characters. The show established this conceit about people seeing their futures and whether destiny is finite, but week to week they can't seem to decide if the future really matters or if what they saw is inconsequential. It takes away a lot of the gravity and just seems a little too convenient. #4: They also need to build up characters we care about. At this point, it's an entire ensemble of dour, earnest, wet blankets who are kind of tedious to watch.



• HOUSE: ...just needs to stop. I have loved the show for many, many years, but the conceit has become oppressive and the character development is suffering as a result. #1: Either eliminate the patient of the week or find a way to reinvent it. I've been bored to tears with the POTW pretty much since the show began, but it was tenable because the POTW created a framework for character interaction and development. Now the dynamic is largely wasted and I find myself fast-forwarding through the standard medical crap that I stopped caring about ages ago. It's been the same routine for over 100 episodes and I just can't take it anymore. #2: Cut dead weight. Foreman, 13, and Taub, I'm looking in your direction. It's not that they couldn't bring in new and interesting characters (I miss Amber more and more with each passing episode), but the show seems to have opted for dull over substantive or likeable. Good thinkin', writers! #3: Either resolve the Huddy issue already or let it go. The teasing is getting ridiculous.



• FOX: ...needs to work out a schedule that doesn't make people want to shoot themselves. Seriously, most of their heavy hitters are benched until April, and that, my friends, I simply cannot abide. #1: They should just axe the ailing and aging American Idol and 24. Every year that 24 comes back, I just have to shake my head. Even die hard fans are pretty sick of it at this point. I don't watch the show (what can I say? American jingoism and nationalist propaganda just don't quite do it for me), so all it presents for me is an obstacle to more Glee. As for American Idol, I've loathed that crapfest since its inception and the fact that it basically takes over the network every spring is like an obnoxious, slightly tipsy, thoroughly tacky slap in the face. #2: They need to not air So You Think You Can Dance in the fall ever again. What a disaster. I realize that reality TV is cheap, and don't get me wrong, I love the show, but it's a summer show first, last, and always. Plus, if they opt for such a debacle once again, it'll put shows like Lie to Me (which got pretty good after Shawn Ryan took the reins) and Fringe (which I had to give up on, but have been meaning to give it a second chance). Really, anytime reality trumps scripted I'm less than thrilled, so even when it's a reality show I enjoy, it's still a blow.
  
  
• PROJECT RUNWAY: ...needs to return to the Bravo network. I was trying to nail down all the things that were wrong with last season and it all boiled down to the switch to Lifetime. The show had the same look, same set up, and same host, but what it lacked it lacked in spades. You know, like entertainment value? Good god last season was dull. Even when it was good it was boring. Bravo just has a knack for this kind of programming that is unparalleled and Lifetime simply couldn't do it justice. #1: Bring back Nina Garcia as a regular judge. She didn't earn the nickname "Mean-a Garcia" for nothing. She was always the most delightfully brutal and blunt of them all and in her absence, many of the lackluster designs got a pass. #2: Come up with original challenges. I realize the show has been through 6 (is it 6?) seasons and that fresh ideas are harder and harder to come by, but I think the salvation of the show depends on it. Look at Top Chef. It just completed its 6th (is it 6th?) season and it's better than ever. The grudge match between the brothers Voltaggio certainly helped, but the show really managed to come up with some new and interesting challenges.

I'm sure there are other grievances for other shows that should probably be included, but compiling just these was taxing enough. Come on TV, be more funny! (A little something for all the Simpsons fans out there.) Really, TV needs to be a whole lot of things at the point, but bottom line? Most of my shows just need to be better. When they're competing with the awesomeness that is Burn Notice, Castle, Dexter, Psych, etc., they really need to step up their games.

Here's hoping they're better at keep resolutions than I am. You know, the fake resolutions that I just made up and that they don't even know about...

And no, my logic is not suspect.