CW Upfronts: Last and Least (per yoozh)

Oh, don't worry, I just had a fairly absurd discussion with Annie about how on earth to spell "yoozh" (you know, as in "usual"... or not). Anyway, such a silly debate is actually a fairly apt preamble when it comes to the CW network...

It's not for lack of trying, but the CW just struggles. A lot. Seriously, the WB did all right, didn't it? Of course, the WB didn't have ABC Family breathing down its neck, but still. The CW's one, true saving grace is that it picked up Nikita for second season. Only on the CW could a show with those kind of ratings see another year, so in a way, the abysmal status of the network worked to my advantage there. It's a surprisingly good show, the second best on the network, and it deserved another year to prove itself. The fact that it's been shuffled to Friday is less than encouraging, but it's not like the CW has anything with which to replace it either. I like to think that part of the reason it got a stay of execution was that Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson (aka the showrunners behind The Vampire Diaries and new pilot The Secret Circle) are such big fans of the show. If anyone has some sway at the network, I'd say it's them. Whatever the case may be, I will take it. Suffice it to say, if Smallville weren't coming to an end, I think Nikita would be.

Not a whole lot to report, given the size of the network and all, but here's how it breaks down.

SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN CANCELED:

• Hellcats
  I barely made it through the pilot and even the promise of Gale Harold couldn't lure me back after that. Don't get me wrong, between this or the 112th season of One Tree Hill, I'd have to pick this, but I can't say I'm sad to see it go.
  
  
• Life Unexpected
  This got canceled ages ago, but it looked stupid to only have Hellcats under this heading, so I branched out... Oh, don't you worry though, the beyond annoying girl who played Lux will be back on the network come fall in The Secret Circle. Based on that casting decision alone, I'm about 40% less excited about the show.
  
  
• Smallville (final season)
  I can't believe this show has been on for this long, but I have to give it props for ending at exactly the right time (you know, so that Nikita gets a reprieve). I guess Superman's last heroic act was to save an underappreciated spy series that's very close to my heart. Awh.
  

SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN PICKED-UP:

• 90210
  Ugh. That is all.
  
  
• Gossip Girl
  I hear this show got awesome again, but I'm too far behind now to just casually start watching again. I gave up half-way through season 3 and haven't been able to get back in the game. Apparently Dan and Blair hooked up? Well, when all other combinations have been exhausted... I supposed it was them or Dan and Serena for the 87th time... Yikes.
  
  
• Nikita
  Yay! I already blathered on about this show in a previous post, so I'll just say I'm glad it survived. With this renewed, The Chicago Code was the only one of my shows to bite the bullet.
  
  
• One Tree Hill
  Oh, sweet Jesus, what will this be, season 9? Only on the CW. Wow, this is part of the reason you're not a real network, CW.
  
  
• Supernatural
  I don't watch this show, but judging by how rabid its fans are, I seem to be missing something pretty awesome. Maybe someday.
  
  
• The Vampire Diaries
  Two seasons in, and I'm still in love. Here's hoping it doesn't fizzle out in season 3 like Gossip Girl did... I'm a little afraid that Kevin Williamson will be stretched a little thin with The Secret Circle, but here's hoping Damon and friends will continue to kick ass and sacrifice things in the year to come.
  

Belated Finale Reviews: The Vampire Diaries and Nikita

Blogger! Way to finally stop sucking!

It suddenly occurs to me that railing against a service that I use absolutely free of charge is kind of like criticizing the low thread-count of sheets at the Salvation Army... Rant over.

The crux of the matter is that the finales for two of my favorite shows were nearly a week ago. I'm at my best the following morning when I've had time to digest what happened, but not so much time that I've seen 19 other shows already. Henceforth, rather than the epically lengthy discussion of thematic tropes and narrative denouements, I'm going to keep it simple and just put random thoughts about the shows. Hey, if I'm still pondering the implications a week later, they must be at least kind of important.

On with the show! Er, shows!

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

...Geez, where to even begin? This show burns through so much story so fast that documenting my thoughts and feelings about something is kind of a moot point, what with that something probably getting its heart ripped out in the next episode. Remember Mason Lockwood? Uh, yeah, that was totally this season. Like, 12 episodes ago, rather than 12 years ago like it seems.

...Although this may seem like an odd finale for the show, I think it worked incredibly well. All conventional wisdom would suggest that the penultimate episode should have been the finale. The whole moonstone-soapdish-vampire-werewolf-kitchen sink-doppelganger-originals-jar of almonds-full moon storyline comes to a dramatic end and half the town gets killed in the process. Makes sense as the finale, especially for a show like this. That's actually the reason why I was so pleased to see the actual finale take a quieter, more character-based approach. At the end of the day, ritual sacrifices, deaths, and supernatural phenomenon are par for the course for these characters. Those are just the things that happen. When it all boils down, this is a show about people. It was lovely to see stirring character development as the big finish rather than just a whole lotta crazy going on. (Oh, don't get me wrong, it wouldn't be a TVD finale without the crazy, so there was plenty of that as well, but Damon, Elena, and Stefan were the real core here.

...As much as I hate to see Damon suffer (even if he looks damn good in the process--seriously, even all sick and sweaty and occasionally charred, um, yes please), having someone other than Elena at the center of all the peril was a refreshing change of pace. She's the damsel entirely too often and she isn't an interesting enough character for me to really care about her fate all that much. Damon, on the other hand, is someone whose fate I'm entirely invested in. Not that I thought for a second that he would really die or anything (I kinda sorta know how TV works, thanks), but with this show, all bets are off. Sure, he'll still be on the show, but in what capacity? I entertained notions of him being a ghost of some sort (which made it all the freakier when Anna and Vicki showed up later) or maybe some other kind of entity that Bonnie had somehow orchestrated.

...Speaking of Damon and his werewolf bite, I think this whole arc was established brilliantly and made for a rather satisfying pay-off in the end. So often with this kind of show, it seems like they're making stuff up as they go along. Here, viewers were made very well-aware of the horrifying ramifications of a werewolf bite with Rose, whose slow, agonizing death was as heartbreaking as it was unavoidable. It certainly raised the stakes for Damon, but again, I think we all knew they'd figure something out. With a show that has magic at its disposal, it's often way too easy and convenient to simply find a spell to fix whatever comes your way. This show isn't immune, but I think they manage it better than most. It actually made a hell of a lot of sense that Klaus' blood would be the key. It didn't feel lame or convenient. It genuinely made sense.

...Another story arc that paid off well was the Elena and Damon dynamic. This facet of the show has always been fun to watch in spite of the fact that Elena is about as interesting as the bowl of soaps that Damon genius-ly hid the moonstone in. Dear Damon, I realize you were going for a "purloined letter" kind of thing here, but it doesn't really work when it's in something that people will be touching. Constantly. Love, Viewers Who Still Can't Believe That Was the Best You Could Come Up With. Anyway, Elena has always been pretty damn dull as far as I'm concerned (through no fault of Nina Dobrev--Katherine is awesome afterall), so in terms of my "shipper" allegiances, I'm not irrevocably invested one way or the other. Quite frankly, I think Damon can do a whole lot better. The only reason it makes me happy to see Damon and Elena together is that it makes Damon so happy (I guess there's no accounting for taste... Heh, get it? Taste? Sorry.) Anyway, I have a point! The final scene between Damon and Elena was actually pretty lovely. Rather than the music swelling in some big dramatic swoon-worthy climax, it was a decidedly small, quiet moment. I'm sure there are many out there who would disagree, but I didn't find it to be a romantic moment at all, really. More than anything, it felt more like watching two dear friends, at the very end of their ropes, coping with the harsh realities of life. I really liked that they both looked so completely wrecked by that point. He was all near-death and sweaty and she was crying and sniffling. That was not a romantic screen kiss, which as far as I'm concerned, made it work all the better. It may not have been all that romantic, but it really does up the stakes for next season in terms of their relationship. Well done.

...Also upping the stakes, the fact that Stefan is off gallivanting around with Klaus. I think that made for a nice twist, but hasn't Stefan been drinking Elena's blood for a good long while now? Shouldn't he be fairly inured to the affects of blood? Maybe Stefan is playing him? Maybe he isn't as used to it as I thought? Whatever the case may be, it seems he'll be out of the picture for a while, so what's a girl to do? What she should have done ages ago. Picked the other Salvatore.

...So, apparently Alaric is Elena and Jeremy's new parental figure? I guess that makes as much sense as anything on this show. I really did like their scene together at the end though.

...Let me get this straight. With Jenna and Uncle John dead as a dead dead and Jeremy something supernatural now (finally!), the only humans left on the show are Alaric (more or less) and Sheriff Forbes? Oh, and Matt. Because you never know when you'll need someone to suck the fun out of a room. At some point humanity is really going to have to reconsider keeping Mystic Falls on their list of possible real estate.

...Ramblings aside, I can't possibly go on any further without mentioning the biggest twist of them all. Uh, Anna and Vicki?!?! AWESOME. Well, Anna's return is awesome. Vicki's? Meh. It's not so much the individuals that makes this stellar, of course, it's the fact that apparently Jeremy sees dead people now? No, just dead vampires? Only dead girlfriends? I don't know what this all means and I can't wait to find out! Maybe he actually did ingest some of Caroline's blood, but was brought back before he could transition to a vampire, so he's back from the dead and the undead, which means that he only sees dead people who are also undead people!? Yeah, I'm the one who wrote that sentence and I still got lost before I got to the end.

...As cheesy and obligatory as the festival, carnival, fund-raiser, school dance, town meeting, founder's day fill in the blank is, I really enjoyed the Gone with the Wind motif if for no other reason than it made from some beautiful shots of the characters with the movie playing in the background. It also affected the plot in a way that made sense, so that's always appreciated as well.

...Final thoughts: I'm very stoked for next season which has been hailed as the "season of the originals". Yes, please! Elijah became more than a little badass toward the end of this season and Klaus makes for a hell of a big bad. I long ago stopped worrying that they'd run out of stories to tell, but I do have one nagging concern for next season that I can't seem to shake. Kevin Williamson (and Julie Plec?) is one of the showrunners and he'll be doing double-duty next year. His new pilot, The Secret Circle, got picked up by the CW and will be a companion show to TVD on Thursdays. In theory, "Yay! We get another show from a writer I love!" In actuality, this scenario usually plays out in disappointing ways. The original show almost always suffers and the new project almost never rises to the level of the original. Only time will tell, and I'll be posting clips and whatnot from The Secret Circle in a few weeks, but from what I've seen so far, I'm less than thrilled.

NIKITA

...First and foremost, our girl Nikita got picked up for a second season! I only had a small handful of shows I was genuinely worried about, and Nikita was near the top of that list. (The Chicago Code was the top, and we all know how that turned out.) The bad-ish news? Nikita has been moved to Fridays. On any other network, that's where shows go to die, but on the CW, that designation can be applied just about anywhere...

...There's a lot that can be said about the finale, but I'm going to try to keep this quick (much quicker than TVD at any rate). At the top of my list, if you can believe it, I'm so happy that Birkoff survived the finale! (Not where you thought I was headed with that sentence, is it?) I had heard from reliable sources that Amanda would kill a series regular in the finale. After doing a little math and tapping into a little TV logic, the only viable candidates would be Percy or Birkhoff. In looking at the series as a whole, it didn't make a whole lot of sense for Percy to die (especially at the hands of Amanda), so I had a sinking feeling Birkoff would be biting the dust. I rather adore Birkhoff, so this was an unsettling conclusion to come to. Much to my delight, it was Alex who died. And only for 26 seconds. I should have known better than to take spoilers at face value.

...Speaking of Birkhoff (who, it just occurred to me, played Pyro in X-Men 2, which I had never realized before), it was unduly satisfying to see him working with Nikita and Michael instead of against them. I knew instantly that Birkhoff was the one who let Michael go, even if Michael was too bitter to notice. I can't wait to see what kind of a dynamic is struck next season. Birkoff is kind of held hostage by Division, so it's unclear where he'll end up. Double agent? Inside man? Double-crosser?

...Bigger question, who's running Division? I love Melinda Clarke, so to see her take charge was extremely satisfying. Let's face it, she's always been a hell of a lot more terrifying than Percy anyways. It's as though Lady Heather decided to work for a secret branch of the government (which is instantly the most promising pilot pitch I've heard in ages).

...I was a little afraid when Nikita and Michael got together that all the sizzle and intensity would be lost, but I'm still as invested as ever. The dynamic is certainly different, but there's still a certain tension there. With them seemingly on the run for next year, they're going to have a whole lotta time together to work out their issues.

...Not sure what to make of Alex at this point. I'm sorry, was anyone surprised for even one second that Nikita was the agent who killed her family? Didn't we all already know that? Have I just been assuming that was the case since day 1? How did it never occur to Alex? Regardless, I was glad to see that the writers opted for Alex to respond with a fair bit of logic rather than the usual narrative trope of, "You killed my family, you must die now!" Alex is pissed that Nikita didn't tell her. She understands that Nikita was doing a job, just as Nikita understands that Owen was doing a job when he killed Danny. I half expected this to be one of those ever-frequent TV set-ups for the character to become a basket case and completely forget about context. Thankfully, that's not the case. Alex may not want to work with Nikita, but she doesn't want her set on fire either.

...Character I never realized I adored until the finale? Agent Ryan. "You break me out of prison the minute you get the chance, okay?" Ha! So great. I quite appreciated that Nikita kissed him on the cheek. Aside from a truly dazzling display of badassery, it was a nice reminder of how fond she is of him. The viewers didn't forget about that and neither did the show.

...Finale thoughts: This show isn't perfect and this season wasn't perfect, but it made for a hell of a ride. I think the set up for next season opens a lot of doors for the story and I'm quite confident it'll be stronger than this season. There were a lot of narrative constraints on this show, based largely on the concept of the show, but now those barriers have largely been removed. That should make for more cohesive storylines with fewer repetitive elements. It'll be weird to not have it paired with TVD, but hey, I'll take a solid Friday viewing option any day. Oh, and it'll be on opposite Chuck, so you know, zero competition. ;) Seriously though, if you can only watch one show at 7 on Fridays, make it Nikita. Trust me.

Week-In-Review 2.4

I keep thinking these posts will get shorter, but alas, I just can't help myself. In other news, where did February go? With sweeps drawing to a close, we're in for a drought in March, so maybe these will finally shrink. Seriously, The Vampire Diaries and Nikita won't be back till April 7th. Not cool, CW. Not cool.

Most Convenient Accessory: Beckett’s Geiger Counter on Castle
I didn’t realize those were standard issue… Seriously, I spent the entire rest of the episode hoping someone would mention why the hell of a New York homicide detective would be wearing a radiation meter, but everyone just acted like that was a totally normal item for her to be wearing. Really? A Geiger Counter? Maybe there’s an app for that…

Shortest Cliffhanger: Castle
Oh my god! Castle and Beckett are trapped in a freezer with a dead guy who froze to death and THEY MIGHT BE NEXT! Dun, dun, DUN! Wait… Yeah, no, false alarm. The preview of next week (which appeared mere moments after the thrilling musical queue signaling their apparent demise) lets us know they’ll be right as rain in no time at all. I, uh… can’t wait till next week? The edge of my seat went from occupied to vacant in under a minute. Thanks a lot, promotional department. Well played?

Bittersweetest Reference: Serenity on Castle
Don’t get me wrong, show, the references to Nathan Fillion’s past as our favorite space cowboy make me grin and clap and squeal, but all the merriment is quickly followed by the sobering realization that it’s all over. It makes it hard to move on.

Character that May as Well Leave the Show Now: Zoey on HIMYM
Well, she isn’t the mother, so in terms of Ted’s current relationship—all together now—who the hell cares!? Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than a little happy to hear that Zoey won’t be sticking around for the long-run, but it makes me seriously apathetic towards the short run. After this long, it’s time to find the mother already. Although I’m a fair bit intrigued to see how things end for Ted and Zoey… apparently it’s pretty bad. Here’s hoping it’s pretty quick as well.

Question: What is the Dirtiest Kids’ Movie Title Ever?: Jeopardy Answer: "What is Pussy Furry?"
Ha! I’m officially 13 years old, thanks. The best part? I don’t think nerdy, sheltered Raya truly realized just how funny/dirty/inappropriate her response was. I greatly appreciated that one of her competitors couldn’t stifle a laugh though. I sure couldn’t.

Randomest PSA: Glee
Where the hell did that come from? In yet another in the recent long line of sub-par episodes (this one courtesy of repeat offender Ian Brennan), Glee’s PSA against drinking seemingly came out of left field. I can understand afterschool-special-type moments about bullying because it relates directly to the story, and I can forgive the random tribute to certain musical artists, what with this being a musical and all, but a PSA against alcohol coupled with (essentially) a tribute to Ke$ha? Yeah, NO. Does Brad Falchuk even write for the show anymore? We’ve had nothing but Murphy and Brennan for entirely too long.

Most Unexpectedly Steamy Lip-Lock: Blaine and Rachel on Glee
Amid the unwelcomed lesson about the dangers of drinking, blah, blah, blah, the episode did have quite a lot of fun with Rachel’s party. For as disappointing as the rest of the episode was, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling ear-to-ear for the Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza. And, in an improbable turn of events (er, spin of events, I should say), Blaine and Rachel had a surprising amount of sexual chemistry together with a rather convincing kiss. Way to throw a bone to us straight gals out there (especially those of us who have a penchant for crushing on possibly gay guys), even if for only a little while. I loved how drunk Rachel seems to think that Blaine’s full name is Blaine Warbler. Heh.

Best Song: Don’t You Want Me, Baby from Glee
Why yes, Blaine, I do! I think it had more to do with drunken chemistry than the song itself, but I totally loved this. You could tell they were both having an absolute blast doing this number (the characters and actors). I get the feeling Lea Michele and Darren Criss have been wanting to do a duet since Blaine joined the show. As far as performances on the show are concerned, Rachel and Blaine are the two who ham it up the most, so it was quite a lot of fun to see those two tornados of enthusiasm in the same number.

Best Costume Design: Speaking of Rachel and Blaine…
Ha! I don’t know who picked out that green 1970s bridesmaid’s dress for Rachel to wear, but I think we can all agree that it is exactly the dress she would have chosen for her would-be swanky adult soiree. It was also nice to see Blaine in some casual clothes for once. “Preppy hipster” suits him well.

Most Welcomed Return: Being Human (UK edition)
It’s been too long! Last season got a little soapy and a bit uneven in the middle, but ended in spectacular fashion. The new season started up on Saturday and reminded me of why I fell so hard for this show in the first place. It also put the US version into shocking clarity. The Syfy interpretation is pretty good, but the UK version is bloody brilliant in every conceivable regard. Having the UK edition back is kind of making me like the US version less and less. It just can’t hold a candle to its predecessor. I’ve heard that the US version really starts to blaze its own path around episode 6, so that should help. As is, it’s starting to feel like I’m watching the same show as before, only not as good, which is a bit of a downer. Anyway, I’m totally stoked that the Brits are back. They have an emotional range and depth of storytelling that is unmatched by the US edition and it’s nice to have that kind of gravity back. I’m thoroughly glad that Mitchell saved Annie from purgatory sooner than later. My primary concern after last season was that we’d spend the better part of this season trying to get her back. Thankfully, our darling Mitchell is more than willing to face an eternity of hell to save her. Aw.

Longest Foreshadow: Annie and Mitchell on Being Human (UK)
It was clear back at the beginning of season 1 that their potential romantic chemistry was established and an accidental kiss was had, but we’ve had very little payoff since then. It’s been satisfying to see their relationship deepen over time, but I’m glad to see that the show is finally exploring that side of their hopes at “being human.” They’ve both been through a lot and it’ll be nice to see them interact in a new way. Of course, it’ll probably end horribly, but that’s all part of the ride. “But I’m dead,” Annie laments. “So is he…”

Worst Mother: Anyone Ever Featured on Toddlers & Tiaras
It would be impossible to narrow down the “worst mother” title to just one offender, but I think I was most unnerved when the following thought sprang to mind, “I’m sorry, did you really just give your 15 month old baby a spray tan?” Wow. Just, wow.

Best Guest Star: Gary Cole on The Good Wife
The Good Wife always has stellar guest stars, but Gary Cole as ballistics expert Kurt McVeigh was my favorite this week. His and Diane’s relationship is practically unfathomable from a political perspective, but their chemistry is undeniable (his love of Sarah Palin notwithstanding). I still can't look at him without hearing, "Yeah, hi," in my head though...

Biggest Pet Peeve: Detectives Who Don’t Put Their Gloves On
This happens all the time and I notice it all the time and it never gets less annoying. Instead of actually putting their gloves on, they just use them as a hanky to pick up evidence or open drawers and windows of a crime scene. A) You’re look ridiculous, B) Exactly how long does it take to put gloves on? and C) Most of the time, you’re still contaminating the evidence, punkin. I assume there’s a production reason for it, but seriously, just start the scene with the gloves on. They’re investigating a murder here, people. They’d have gloves on before the entered the damn house.

Best Backstory That Really Should Have Been Introduced 3 Seasons Ago: Emily Prentiss on Criminal Minds
Good lord, you couldn’t have fleshed-out her character with an espionage-y past with Interpol back when she first started on the show?! I’ve always liked her well enough, but she’s generally been a bit bland. Now that you’ve decided to write her off the show you give her a backstory that makes me invest? That’s just mean.

Character I’m Gladdest Didn’t Get Killed Off Last Season: Dewey Crowe on Justified
This season of Justified is proving to be even better than the first, and that’s thanks in no small measure to the deep-fried absurdity that is Dewey Crowe. He makes for hilarious comic relief, but also contributes to the overall narrative in a meaningful and believable way. Not an easy feat.

Most Improbably Successful Impersonation: Dewey Crowe as Raylan Givens on Justified
Ha! Hats off to Dewey (well, I guess it would be hats on, really) for being ballsy enough to dress up as Raylan Givens in order to swindle some baddies out of their stolen prescription pills. I loved when the real Raylan went over to the witness and was like, “Am I the man you saw?” To which she hilariously replied, “Lord, no.” I don’t know if you’ve met Dewey and Raylan, but the two could never be confused. I’m pretty sure I’d remember if Timothy Olyphant showed up at my house, thanks.

Most Ridiculous Runway: America’s Next Top Model
Now, this show is in cycle 817 at last count, so they’ve had a lot of crazy-ass runways in their day, but putting the girls in plastic bubbles and having them walk down a foot-wide platform in a pool? Wow. In all honesty, I don’t think anything can compete with the runway where they had to dodge the giant pendulums, but watching the girls fall in their bubbles and then slip and slosh on the surface of the water was pretty damn entertaining.

Catchiest Song: You Gotta Have Jeff from Community
You thought the winner of this category would be from Glee, didn’t you? Yeah, well, that was before I saw Jeff’s 1997 audition tape for The Real World Seattle. Man alive, I’ve seen blackmail videos before, but this one tops them all.

Worst Crime Against Chef Law: Mike on Top Chef
Good god, could he get kicked off the show already? It's bad enough to flat out steal a dish from a fellow competitor, but then to pretend that it was Richard's own stupid fault for not using the dish himself? That's the hallmark of a total bastard. Not that that's a surprise, what with Mike being a total dick from day one, but to blatantly admit that he couldn't come up with his own idea is just pathetic. I swear to god, if he wins this season, I'll have to be done with the show. Blaise or Carla for the win!

Biggest Headscratcher: The Vampire Diaries--I’m sorry, exactly how are Stefan and Damon getting Elena and Katherine mixed up?
I realize that they look exactly the same and all, but Elena’s alive and Katherine’s a vampire. Surely Stefan and Damon, also vampires, should be able to almost instantly tell the difference (what with their supernatural senses of smell and hearing). Vampires are dead and don’t have a heartbeat (at least I don’t think they do on this show), and I’m not sure just how doppelganger-y Elena and Katherine are supposed to be, but they’re identical right down to scent? Don’t get me wrong, it makes for good TV, but every time she pulls a fast one on them, I’m a little annoyed. Humans not seeing the difference? Fine. Other vampires? Not so fine. Convenient, more like.

Best Reason (or 50) to Stop Going to School: You live in Mystic Falls
It always cracks me up when the characters on The Vampire Diaries pretend that they actually care about school. They’re currently dealing with the world’s most convoluted story-arc and we’re to believe they have an algebra test this afternoon? Ha! I’m sorry, you have an immortal dead-guy in the basement, you just barely got rid of the werewolves, there are witches trying to kill you, even older, even more immortal dead guys trying to kill you, a doppelganger who just escaped and is probably trying to kill you, there’s a moonstone that no one can remember why it matters (seriously, I lost track of that shiny bar of soap 5 episodes ago), and you’re worried about being late for school? Oh, honey. You really need to sort out your priorities. I guess the one saving grace is that no actual learning is done at school. It’s really just a meeting place where random supernatural elements make plans.

Best Cliffhanger: Nikita
The Vampire Diaries' cliffhanger was good, Nikita’s was better. Holy hell, what a game-changer! I can’t wait! "Ask me how I got here." Ahhhh!

**Quotes of the Week**

“You know what they say, Charlie [Sheen], people in glass houses… have a lot of cool things to snort coke off of.”
--Joel McHale on The Soup, regarding Charlie Sheen’s advice to Lindsay Lohan on how to clean up her life. Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You’re black.

Realtor: “Do what you want, as long as the rent’s covered. We’ve been trying to shift this place for months. I reckon it’s haunted.” [pause]
[simultaneously]
Nina: “No, it’s fine.”
George: “Nope, there’s nothing here.”
--Being Human (UK). Oh, how I’ve missed this show. It’s got a humor that’s so much subtler and more authentic than the US version.

Steve: “You feel like the world will stop spinning on its axis if you take a night off. You know how when a plane starts going down they tell you to put your mask on before helping anyone else? Put your mask on, Fiona!”
Fiona: [pause] “Yeah, well I’ve never been on a plane!”
--Steve, telling Fiona what the audience has known all along on Shameless. She’s over-extended and burning out. I mainly included this quote because it made me wonder: Would people who’ve never flown know about the whole, put your own mask on before helping other people thing? As a person who’s flown a fair bit, the reference was obvious, so it seemed unfathomable that anyone would be unfamiliar with it. Not that I think Fiona was oblivious, but I could see where someone might be. Weird.

“Alcohol, William. The wet devil. Our children are so brazen they’re showing up to school wasted. And not wasted on learning, Will. Wasted on booze.”
--Principal Figgins on Glee. Let me tell ya, I’ve been wasted on learning more than a few times, and the theme for this week’s cautionary tale could have used some revision.

“Who cares about you, buddy? I might get a new boyfriend out of this who can keep up with me vocally and in the future, give me vaguely Eurasian-looking children.”
--Rachel, regarding her and Blaine’s genetic capabilities on Glee. They really are pretty ethnically ambiguous, now that they mention it. IMDb/Wikipedia to the rescue! Lea’s mother is an Italian American Roman Catholic, while her father is a Spanish Sephardic Jew. Darren’s mother is from the Philippines and his father has Irish ancestry. Hmh.

Dianna: “A contemporary of Neal’s? This I gotta see.”
Peter: “No, he’s not what you’d expect. He’s a little more Ratso Rizzo than Cary Grant.”
Neal: “I’m Cary Grant?”
Peter: “Only by comparison to Ratso Rizzo.”
--White Collar. And yes, Neal, you’re Cary Grant, with or without a Ratso Rizzo comparison.

“I have a boyfriend. Or, I had a boyfriend… He joined a circus.”
--America Ferrera as Natalie Morales on The Good Wife. Her deflated delivery of the line was hilarious.

“Happy Valen-birth-iversary!”
--Phil on Modern Family, using the new catch-all for screw-ups.

“You’re a thrill a minute, Raylan. We need to sell tickets.”
--And I need to by them. (Art, regarding Raylan’s rekindled romance with Winona on Justified.)

“Did Kurt used to sing on #Glee, or did we imagine it? Bigger question: With Blaine around, do we care?”
--TWoP via Twitter, asking a very good question. I miss Kurt, but with Blaine around, I don’t notice his absence so often.

Mike: “In gumbo, there’s potatoes, right? Traditionally?”
Tiffani: “No.”
Mike: “No?”
Tiffani: “Never.”
--Top Chef, once again showcasing Mike’s total lack of knowledge about cooking. Tool.

Katherine: “You were mean. And very rough. And monstrous.”
Damon: “You deserved it.”
Katherine: “I like this Damon.”
Damon: “Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one.”
--I love that Katherine has finally returned to The Vampire Diaries, but I love more that Damon can finally resist her (even if it’s pretty clear that he’s unbelievably tempted). Maybe his new resolve has to do with this:

“I wanted out of the tomb. Didn’t matter who paid the price. Of course I knew that you’d die.”
--Seriously, Katherine, that’s cold. And completely illogical. If you’re going to get one of the Salvatores killed, why not make it Stefan? I think most of us can agree that he’s the better choice.

“Garrett. That guy’s just a mess. It’s like God spilled a person.”
--Troy on Community, regarding one the front-runners for student government.

“Boy, no matter what you do, all roads seem to lead back to Nikki, don’t they.”
--Birkoff on Nikita, finally realizing the basis for the show that he’s in.

Week-In-Review 2.3

I didn't have the time this week to review the new shows in depth and in their own posts, so I've simply included some little nuggets below. The third week of the month is always super-busy for me and I simply couldn't bring myself to trying any harder than this. There really wasn't anything concrete to latch onto with Mr. Sunshine, Mad Love, or Crinimal Minds: Suspect Behavior anyways. On with the show!

Lowest Blow: Shameless
This is a show with a lot of low blows, several in the last episode alone, so the bar is set pretty high, er, low... This episode featured Carl (easily the most expendable kid in the family) hitting a high school jock in the knee after he’d already surrendered (he had already had his SAT scores invalidated, so taking out his knee basically ruined his only chance), so on any other day, that would have been the lowest blow, but not this time. After more than two decades of neglecting his children, never engaging in any parental duties or attending the school’s Parents’ Night even once for any of his kids (even when the stakes are high enough that one of them is going to be expelled), it’s revealed that he attended Parents’ Night as Karen’s “Daddy Frank.” The real heartbreaker was watching the younger kids who didn’t immediately understand the implications of Frank showing up to Parents’ Night for someone else’s kid. Man alive, listening to the little kids say that they wanted to go say “Hi” to daddy while Fiona and Lip are devastated was pretty gut-wrenching. Never once did he show up for them, but he shows up for a neighbor. Ouch.

Fewest Awards Given at an Awards Show: The Grammys
I have honestly never watched the Grammys before (music isn’t really my thing), but I figured I’d give it a chance on a slow night (plus, my brother and sister-in-law were in attendance, so I cared more). I should have just watched the TLC docu-soap The Queen instead. Not only was it boring as all get out, but I was under the apparently incorrect assumption that awards would be given out. Seriously, 3 ½ hours, and I think there were maybe 5 awards? Is that the norm? Don’t get me wrong, no one wants to hear acceptance speeches, but it seemed really odd to me. And didn’t half those songs come out like 3 years ago? Seriously, none of what was nominated seemed at all recent. It was like there were nothing but Temple Grandins… I fast-forwarded through probably 95% of the show and I don’t think I missed anything… except maybe a bunch of crap I probably wanted to miss… Speaking of which, I have never even heard of Esperanza whatever-her-name-was, but seeing anyone else on the planet win Best New Artist besides Justin Bieber kind of makes her my hero. I'm feeling a sudden urge to purchase whatever kind of music it is that she makes...

Most Logical Course of Events: Scheduling the thousand-year-old Rolling Stones performance right after the “In Memoriam” montage on the Grammys
That was after the “In Memoriam,” right?

Most Unwittingly Prohibitive Element of a New Show: The main characters on new CBS comedy Mad Love are named Ben and Kate.
I just… I can’t. I realize there’s no way that the writers of the show could know that I already get to watch the relationship woes of my own real-life Ben and Kate (hi guys!), but I just don’t think I can watch the fiction version as well. Too weird. On a semi-related note, is there some new requirement where shows simply must have a Kate? It’s a fine name, to be sure, but I think there’s at least one on 80% of the shows I watch. Anyway, I don’t think cutting Mad Love from my list is too much of a loss. It was by no means the worst pilot I’ve seen, but it didn’t really grab me either. Mad Love is basically How I Met Your Mother minus Marshall, and I already watch HIMYM, so I think that quota has officially been filled. Seriously, it was shockingly similar. Which, dear writers, if you had any chance of avoiding constant comparisons to HIMYM, maybe you shouldn’t have cast Sarah Chalke in the lead (you know, what with her being the probable mother for like 2 entire seasons).

Nastiest Piece of Work: Alderman Gibbons on The Chicago Code
This guy is cold and twisted and manipulative as hell… and I’m lovin’ it.

Best Backstory: Little Ricky Castle
Erring on the lighter, more comedic side of the crime procedural genre, we don’t often get a ton of backstory for the characters on Castle, and when we do, it’s almost always for Beckett. As such, it was incredibly nice to get some depth on Castle himself this week. He’s the lovable goofball most of the time, but Beckett wouldn’t have kept him around this long for amusement alone, and now we get to see where some of his range comes from. It also served as a motivation for his unyielding dedication to his friend, even going so far as to fight with Beckett. This isn’t just some random friend; this guy made Castle the man his is today (and saved him from being a lawyer). Sooo… in spite of all the murder and whatnot, I say god bless him. (That was a nice twist at the end with the reveal that he actually had killed his father after all. Didn’t see that coming.)

Most Disappointing Man vs. Machine Competition: Jeopardy!
When I first heard that Ken Jennings and Brad what’s-his-name would be competing against an IBM computer, I was intrigued to see if the computer could really ascertain the meaning of the questions and respond. Well, turns out it can most of the time, which is impressive, but the actual competition was frustrating as hell. It’s not so much a matter of who’s smarter, or can a computer answer these kinds of questions better than a human, it’s basically proving that computers can ring in faster than humans. Well, no shit! Of course it can. Geez, the looks on the two guys’ faces expressed my annoyance as a viewer.

Person Most in Need of a Brad Falchuk Episode of Glee: Yeah, that would be me.
Really? An Ian Brennan episode, then two Ryan Murphy episodes? I thought this week would be a Brad Falchuk! I was utterly crestfallen when I saw the writing credit a few minutes in. Don’t get me wrong, Murphy’s episodes are better than Brennan’s, but at this point, I need more. I was going to label this under “biggest Glee disappointment of the week,” but that contest just got entirely too crowded. If I don’t get a stellar episode soon, I might just be done with the show.

Only Truly Redeeming Element of This Week’s Episode of Glee: Rent
Good lord, that was a truly unfortunate array of songs this week. I fully admit that I fast-forwarded through most of them. Oh how I wish they would stick to show tunes. The Rachel/Mercedes Rent duet to Take Me or Leave Me was awesome. Even better? Rachel’s mother, aka Idina Menzel, sang Rachel’s part in the original broadway cast. Double awesome. It almost makes up for the horrendousness of the Bieber crap and I Know What Boys Like (a song which I didn’t think could possibly get worse than the original version). I actually enjoy Sing by My Chemical Romance quite a bit, but it just didn’t feel right here (especially with Finn in the lead—could he please get kicked off the show? Or go mute?). I’m pretty surprised My Chemical Romance even let Glee have the rights to it. Street cred? What street cred? Also, did I fast-forward through the part that explained why they were dressed like lumberjacks? I must have…

Sexiest EV-RY-THING: Kalinda on The Good Wife
It kills me that more people aren’t watching The Good Wife. This show just keeps getting better and better. At the very center of the awesomeness? Kalinda Sharma (if that is her real name, and I think we all know that it isn’t). Okay, I thought that scene between her and the FBI woman was hot, but then she and Blake strip searched each other (among other things) and I saw just how tame the previous scene had been. I have always loved the dynamic between Blake and Kalinda and this week it came to a… climax? Sure, why not. There’s a sense to danger and total manipulation in every scene they’re in and here it ended up with a baseball bat to Blake’s ribs. Kalinda may have reduced Blake to a gasping heap on the floor, but his revelation that he had “phoned” her husband was even more of a blow, methinks. Husband?! Holy shit! If that weren’t enough on the sexy Kalinda scale, her relationship with Cary just gets more and more fabulous. They hardly had any time together this week, but their mutual respect, sexual chemistry, and affection were utterly apparent. The look on Cary’s face when he called “Miss Sharma” into his office so that his investigator friend could question her was classic. I also appreciated that at various points during the episode, someone called Kalinda his girlfriend and Blake called Cary her boyfriend. Actually, I think that was Blake for both… Final Kalinda revelation of the evening? She’s officially bisexual. It’s what I had always assumed, but never had confirmation.

Thing I Never Would Have Notice If People Hadn’t Pointed it Out: “Phoned” on The Good Wife
I’ve seen every episode of this show and had never noticed that they say “phoned” instead of “called” until someone mentioned it online. Now I can’t not notice it. Thanks a million, random online person. Apparently the regional colloquialisms of the showrunners’ hometown tend toward using “phoned” rather than the more common verbs. Whatever the reason, it sticks out like a sore thumb now, and… it just occurred to me that I have just done to everyone who reads this blog what was done to me... Sorry about that. Now we can all notice it together. Drinking game, anyone?

Best Reason to Lie: Will on The Good Wife
Sorry, last Good Wife award, I promise. I know people were bummed that Alicia finally asked him about the phone call and he lied about it, but really, people, what would you have done? What message did I leave ages ago? Well, I poured my heart out, declared my love, then thought you had rejected me fully, so I forced myself to get a new girlfriend that no one likes… but, now that you ask, wanna make out? Yeah, no. He had to lie, people. I certainly would have.

Most Underwhelming Return of a “Friend”: Mr. Sunshine
I like Matthew Perry well enough, but his new show ain’t so sunny… It’s a shame really, because it has a stellar cast. It just doesn’t seem to have any plot or actual humor—which is kind of a problem for a comedy. The whole thing was basically one lame set-up after another for Perry to snarkily comment on. Um, yay?

Sharpest Shooter: Tim Gutterson on Justified
His character was a sniper with the military (I believe he was with the Rangers), and it's clear to see. This show does an amazing job of infusing the deliberate pace with some truly shocking events. It's amazing how good Raylan is at manipulating bad guys... even convincing them to peek out from behind their cover to see Tim... who summarily shoots him between the eyes. Wowzers/yikes.

Best Reason to Read the Effing Directions: The Vampire Diaries
Seriously people? You’re trying to kill the unkillable, you have a manual telling you how to do so, and it didn’t occur to you to read the instructions in full before proceeding?! Oh, for hell’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, it made for an especially exciting and twisty episode, what with having to kill Elijah several times, but honestly, Elena, try finishing the page next time.

Most Welcomed Return: Katherine on The Vampire Diaries
I kinda sorta adore Katherine and it’s about damn time she made it out of the tomb. Elena is as bland as it gets, so it’ll be nice for Nina Dobrev to have something to do other than pout.

Most Sub-Par Spin-Off: Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior
I had never realized just what a tenuous success the original version was. Apparently, if you take the exact same show, but swap out most of the characters, you’re left with an ersatz cheesefest that was surprisingly boring. The original version works well because of the character dynamics, the direction, the injections of levity, the overall style, and the professionalism. Remove all those elements and you get the spin-off before you. The characters were mostly boring and formulaic. Forrest Whitaker heads this “Red Cell” branch of the BAU and brings very little to the role. I didn’t find him interesting, commanding, or capable of leading anyone. He also sounded like he was suffering from congestive heart failure for the better part of the episode, which made it even harder to believe him as the dynamic leader of the group. Mandy Patinkin brought so so much to the table with the early seasons of Criminal Minds, and here, Whitaker just bored me to tears. What’s worse, his supporting players were just as unengaging. I’ve always been a fan of Jeanine Garafalo, and she was certainly one of the better aspects here, but she still fell a bit flat for me. On top of it all, this show had an eye-rolling about of grandstanding and soapboxing about trust and justice and blah, blah, blah. One the most compelling aspects of the original is that they let the events speak for themselves. I don’t need someone to tell me that these unsubs are horrendous monsters, but Suspect Behavior sure seems to think we do. Maybe it’s simply that I’ve seen too many episodes of the original to take a spin-off seriously. They have the exact same job. It’s hardly even a spin-off. The only ways in which they reinvented the wheel here was to make things worse. This is area that has been covered so many times on the original that there’s hardly room to grow. The original crew has solved just about every conceivable case at this point, and it getting tired in its own right. A spin-off was unnecessary and nigh impossible to do right. Case in point, the case-of-the-week for the Suspect Behavior pilot was beyond lame. The original could get away with something like this because they’ve already covered so much ground, but with these new people, I was rolling my eyes. Also, having seen so many of these, there are very few surprises these days. Little blonde girl goes missing… my first thought? The unsub is a white male in his thirties with a large vehicle. After more info is revealed about his pattern? Well, he must be using these girls as a surrogate for someone he lost. This is not my first rodeo. It’s no viewer’s first rodeo. After this long, it’s the characters that keep a show going, and Suspect Behavior didn’t have anyone I liked (or at least they weren’t showcased in a way that made me want to care about them). I’d recommend sticking with the original. Suspect Behavior wasn’t the worst pilot I’ve ever seen or anything, but it’s inferior to the original in basically every way. Also, it has 100% less Dr. Reid, so really, what’s the point?

Best Reconciliation: Michael and Nikita
Man alive, I was wondering when he’d finally forgive her for that Uzbekistan episode, and now we seem to be there. Watching them work together is one of the best parts of the show, so having him hate her with a passion threw a bit of a wrench into the works (or a claymore, as it were).

**Quotes of the Week**

“You can’t beat karate when it comes to regulated, sanctioned violence for children.”
--Debbie, who seems to be the bearer of most of the great one-liners on Shameless. Now if we could only get rid of Carl, the cause of this particular one-liner, the show would be all the better for it. Get rid of Frank, too. You know, while you’re at it.

“She says she wants a gift that says, ‘I love you,” but nothing that says, 'I love your more than life itself, please don’t leave me or I may die.’”
--Castle, summing up Alexis’ gift-giving conundrum. It’s a delicate balance each Valentine’s shopper aims for, but few succeed. You see, that’s why you simply have no life. No one to shop for = No chance of a social faux pas.

Will: “Who can tell us what an anthem is?”
Brittany: “The bottom of an ant’s pants.”
Will: “So close.”
--Glee, placing the comedic weight squarely on Brittany’s shoulders more and more often.

“Who is Bram Stoker. (I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords.)”
--Ken Jennings, summing up what the audience at home was thinking throughout the entire IBM Jeopardy challenge with a Simpsons reference in his final answer. Nice.

Mitchell: “Well, also, it’s a princess theme party, so I guess you just don’t respect party themes.”
Cam: “You did not just say that!”
Mitchell: “I’m sorry, that was crossing the line.”
Cam: “Yes, it was.”
--Modern Family

“That’d be a neat trick, escaping the past.”
--Helen on Justified, who clearly watches the show she’s in.

“Me and Abed have an agreement. If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We’re gonna get that show back on the air, buddy!”
--Troy on Community, with probably the best death plan ever conceived by anyone in the history of the world. I think all Whedonverse fans were like, “Why didn’t I think of that!?” I’m glad we’re all on the same page now.

“Yes. Yes. I would examine very closely Fox’s reasoning — I’m a little gun-shy. If I got $300 million from the California Lottery, the first thing I would do is buy the rights to Firefly, make it own my own, and distribute it on the Internet.”
--Nathan Fillion, responding to the question: If Castle had its series finale tomorrow and Fox said to you and Joss: “We screwed up, let’s try doing Firefly again.” Would you do it? Good answer, Mal. Actually, incredibly cruel answer, Mal. Way to get our hopes up with the best plan ever. Maybe Troy and Abed can help…

“Yes, I'm guilty, lawyer man. You found it. Malice. This whole movie was my attempt at getting back at the Internet. Take that, Internet.”
--A fictional screenwriter on The Good Wife, defending his Social Network-esque script.

“I for one hope GLEE's meticulously crafted storylines won't suffer as a result of FX picking up a new drama from Ryan Murphy #sarcasm”
-- theTVaddict, via twitter, expressing my thought exactly regarding Ryan Murphy’s new project. Usually when a showrunner takes on a new show, the old one suffers, but with Glee? I’m not sure that’s even possible from a narrative standpoint… I’m much more afraid of The Vampire Diaries’ showrunners picking up a new series…

“Set phasers to LOVE ME!”
--Troy on Community, once again, expressing his desperation to gain LeVar Burton’s approval with the funniest line I’ve heard in ages. I’m giggling just thinking about it.

“You want it? Take it. It’s yours. And after what you did to Damon, you’re gonna need it more than me.”
--Alaric on The Vampire Diaries, requeathing his ring-of-no-dying back to John, with one tinsy weensy caveat.

“Nerds like rejection. See, their thinking is, if she’s interested in you, there must be something wrong with her.”
--Birkoff, on Nikita. Well, that explains a lot about my high school dating record...

Week-In-Review 2.2

It's that magical, magical time again. I'm not sure what it is, but this seemed like a really long week. I choose to blame some sort of space time anomaly on the length of this post... In related news, Dear Blogger, try to suck less. Sheesh.

Biggest Fumble: Glee’s Superbowl Episode
What the hell was that? Some people were reasonably pleased with the much-hyped post-superbowl Glee episode, but I was completely underwhelmed. I’m sorry, but who the hell put Ian Brennan in charge of their biggest episode ever?! Ian Brennan equals: bad songs, no discernable storyline or plot development, but good one-liners. He can’t be trusted with any episode, let alone the most watched one ever. Sheesh. As far as Brennan’s episodes were concerned, it was fine I guess (better than Funk at any rate), and it had its fair share of classic one-liners, but as is so often the case with Brennan’s episodes, I kept getting the feeling that Brennan doesn’t actually watch the show. All of a sudden Sue is asking the girls to put chicken cutlets in their bras when a few episodes back she was demoting Santana to the bottom of the pyramid for implants? Uh, okay? What’s worse, the songs in Brennan’s episodes almost never have anything to do with the story, which we all know I hate. I wouldn’t say it was a bad episode exactly, but it sure as hell isn’t the one I’d put in front of new viewers. Seriously, show of hands: Everyone who’s sick to death of the whole Glee vs. Football ridiculousness? Half the effing team is in the Glee club. I think even a bunch of dumb jocks would have let it go already. Not that I’m hoping they shift their abuse to the debate team… we have enough problems already.

Oddest Choice: Glee
Speaking of Glee and fumbles, why the hell did Fox choose Glee for its post-superbowl extravaganza? It’s not like the show needs the ratings. Another certainty is that anyone who doesn’t already watch Glee probably has a reason for that… I can only imagine the reaction a bunch of middle-aged male football nuts had upon seeing Glee on their screens and the horror at not being able to find the remote. What would have been the better choice, the smarter choice, the better-than-a-snowball’s-chance-in-hell-of-having-some-demographic-overlap choice, would be The Chicago Code. It could certainly have used the viewers and might even have sparked a new hit.

Funniest Ruse: Mama and Daddy Cannon on Glee
I know, I know, Glee has made a comeback to the blog in a major way. Even if the episode itself wasn’t a homerun, it still had some great moments. Sue’s entire ruse to get Brittany into the cannon was hilarious, but when she told her that Mama Cannon has fibromyalgia, so she can’t work, I complete busted up. Poor, sweet Brittany. With two little cannons at home and a baby cannon on the way, she couldn’t not get herself killed.

Best New Show: The Chicago Code
Hands down, best new pilot of the midseason, one of the best new pilots of the year, and easily one of the best shows on network TV. Here’s hoping it keeps the awesome going.

Most Conflicted Kiss: Ted and Zoey on HIMYM
I think I’m about as conflicted with this one as the characters were. Don’t get me wrong, anything that possibly gets us closer to finding the mother gets a gold star in my book after 6 seasons, but as far as potential candidates goes, Zoey ("What is that, short for Zoseph?") isn’t at the top of my list. At this point, I’ll take what I can get though. She’s nice enough, and is getting a lot better. I’ll side with the twitterverse on this one, “True on all counts. RT @hitfixdaniel: Zoey became likable once #HIMYM abandoned her character & [wrote] her as "Jennifer Morrison is cute."” Here here!

Best Guest Star: Denis O’Hare for The Good Wife
The Good Wife always seems to have awesome guest stars, and Michael J. Fox is great and all, but Denis O’Hare’s turn as Judge Abernathy is one of my favorites. Not quite as fantabulous a character as vampire king Russell Edgington on True Blood, but O’Hare is great in anything. “And now for the weather. Tiffany?” Best of all? Judge Abernathy was promoting a blood drive. Hehe.

Worst Guest Star: Katy Perry for… does it really matter?
It was HIMYM, if you must know, but frankly, it doesn’t really matter what show she was in. She’s takes the cake. “Oh, honey,” indeed. Her “acting” was, well… well, you saw the quotation marks, right? Baaaaaad (and not in a cute, sheep kind of way). Let’s just she somehow managed to make playing herself look difficult.

Most Unfortunate and Entirely Undeserved Promotion: Hilarie Burton on White Collar
Ugh. Of all the people who did not need to be made a series regular, she’s pretty much the whole list. What’s worse, it’s not like they didn’t have better options. Alex is sitting right there and is infinitely better than Hilarie any day of the week. I’m sorry, but as far as I’m concerned, anyone who’s ever spent any time on One Tree Hill should automatically be restricted from appearing on anything else. And this is regarding a show that has a Saved By the Bell alum! I think it’s safe to say she’ll be the new love interest in Neal’s life, which means that Compazine will be the new love in mine. Geez, just when I heralded this show for doing things so very right this season, they go and screw things up. Boo. The writers of this show apparently don't understand chemistry because they also seem to think that Neal and Kate had any sizzle at all.

Most Underused Asset: Elizabeth on White Collar
The writers only occasionally incorporate Elizabeth into the A-plot (although it seems to be ever-increasing), but when they do, she’s solid gold.

Shadiest Dealings: Bond on The Good Wife
Spywaring your colleagues, eh Bond? Well, retribution is at hand. That’ll learn you to cross Will and Diane, but mostly it serves him right after screwing over Kalinda. That’s just beggin’ for punishment. The web keeps getting more and more tangled and I keep getting more and more delighted. Such a great show. How much did you love Will and Diane’s low-five? Classic.

Most Embarrassing Musical Number: Blaine singing “When I Get You Alone” to Captain Gap
It’s a pretty high bar, what with two episodes of Glee this week, but wow… that was painful and more than a wee bit creepy. I love Blaine, and I always enjoy his renditions of songs, but that Gap ad was truly unfortunate. I realize that that’s exactly what the writers were going for, but wow. I watched the better part of it through a gap in my fingers. In related news, poor Kurt. Quick note, this was a Ryan Murphy episode (which equals: kind of ridiculous with way too many songs, operating in some sort of parallel universe that resets after each episode), but that means that we should be due for a Brad Falchuk soon! Falchuck equals: appropriate number of songs, well-integrated into a story that actually makes sense. God I hope we’re due for one of those, because otherwise we might need to break up… I should clarify, I wasn’t over the moon with “Silly Love Songs”, but it was still better than the superbowl episode by a long shot.

Badass-iest Return: Justified
It’s been nearly a year, but it was well worth the wait. Picking up right where season 1 left off, season 2 kept pace, tied up some loose ends, and sparked a new season with a hell of a lot of panache. With Bo Crowder biting the big one last year, I wasn’t too sure where the show would go with season 2, but it’s even more awesome than I would have guessed. Enter the Bennett clan, stage (er, moonshine still) left. After killing off most of the season 1 baddies in the aptly titled Bulletville (it’s more than geography, it’s a way of life), they’ve seamlessly and brilliantly added a whole new crew of potential foes with a Hatfield/McCoy vibe to them that I’m absolutely loving. Matriarch Mags heads the family and is certifiably badass enough to tackle just about anything, methinks. That closing scene between her and Loretta’s father was hard core. And seriously disturbing. To go toe-to-toe with Raylan, you’ve got to be pretty intense and terrifying, and Mags excels at both, all while plying her guests with homemade Apple Pie Moonshine. She somehow balances warm and motherly with ruthless and deadly from one moment to the next. It’s disarming and scary and fabulous. She’s a force to be reckoned with, and if the previews for the rest of the season are any indication, Raylan does a hell of a lot of reckoning. I love the pace and tone of this show. It’s unlike just about any other show on the air. The writers brilliantly opened this season with a quick trip to Miami (not only harkening back to the pilot, but once again establishing Raylan as a wild west gunslinger, not a metropolitan police officer) which gave audiences a few minutes of what they’re so accustomed to seeing on TV, then switching gears and shipping us back to Kentucky where things are a bit slower, a lot less flashy, and far more grounded. Seeing Raylan in a setting like Miami is always a bit of a shock. He’s almost like an anachronism amid the scantily clad bikini models and million dollar mansions. He’s offered the chance to return to Miami, but Raylan, like the audience, can see that that’s no place for him. One of the things I love most about this show is that it delivers a different brand of good and evil. The good guys and bad guys on this show are just as serious as those on any other show, but the stakes seem a lot more genuine here. There’s no pomp and circumstance, no flashy car chases or slick costumes, it’s a glimpse at a very different culture than we usually see on TV. Indeed, more often than not, rural or Southern characters on any other show are often portrayed as backwater fools who don’t know a damn thing. That’s not really the case and Justified knows it. This show has an entirely different flavor than anything else I watch and gives its characters a whole other world to inhabit. I’m not sure how Boyd is going to factor into this season exactly, but I can’t wait to find out. The thought of him, Raylan, and Mags waging war with one another has me positively giddy. Matt Roush, my favorite critic and my superior in every conceivable way sums it up far better than I can, saying, “Justified is expert at taking the audience by delightful surprise, lulling you with its laid-back attitude, only to jolt you off the couch with a shock of grisly mayhem. But unlike many of its dramatic FX peers, the tone isn't gloomy or nihilistic or cynical. It's a blast.” Agreed. Let the family feud begin!

Crossover I Most Want to See: Raylan Givens makes a quick trip to Miami and has a mojito with Michael Westen
Man alive, it seems so completely absurd an idea because Miami and Kentucky may as well be on different planets, but that’s a meeting I’d pay good money to see.

Hottest and Most Ridiculous Retail Item in Mystic Falls: Scarves
Seriously, I just need to set up a boutique outside the Salvatore mansion and rake in the cash. “Can I interest you in something from our Animal Attack collection or the equally popular My Boyfriend Drank a Pint of My Blood but I Don’t Remember It line?” At least in Bon Temps people actually noticed the prevalence of scarves and called it into question. In Mystic Falls, scarves are basically the new black. Every single season. I have to wonder why Damon doesn’t bite people in less conspicuous places…

Best Way to Ruin a Dinner Party: Imply that the hostess is a prostitute...
Michael, I realize you’re trying to protect Alex on Nikita, but I can’t imagine it’s going to do a whole lot for her cover ID for her neighbors to think she’s a hooker. You know, because that’s not a profession that begs any questions at all. It also makes for the worst dinner ever. “Tonight we’ll be having seared awkward with a side of steamed uncomfortable…”

Quotes of the Week:

“They needed to think of something cooler than ‘Red Matter’ to be the main widget this time around. There were a few dozen meetings involved before they came up with Blue Chocolate, which has half the calories and can turn planets into marzipan. Mmm... marziplanets.”
--io9.com, making up reasons why the Star Trek 2 script isn’t done yet.

“Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you? That’s gotta suck.”
--Frank, from Shameless, trying to be sensitive at a cancer support group, and kinda sorta failing.

“Just in time for an April 1 release? RT @james_hibberd: 'Arrested Development' creator: Movie may be out this year.”
--via Twitter, courtesy of TVWithoutPity. I’ll just file this one under “Sad, but probably true.”

Quinn: “I’m torn.”
Santana: “Well, I’m not.”
Brittany: “I’m Brittany.”
--For all of Glee’s faults, and there are a lot of them, Brittany’s deliveries make the one-liners pure gold.

“I don’t want to die yet. At least not till One Tree Hill gets canceled.”
--Oh, Brittany, I should certainly hope OTH gets canceled before you do.

“Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I love scarves.”
--I'm guessing Kurt hails from Mystic Falls originally...

“On TV was a typical Mystic Falls local news broadcast. After several dead bodies had been found THAT MORNING, it seems the authorities had decided to skip the whole homicide investigation part and gone directly into memorial service mode. Fair enough. Nothing unusual about a bunch of dead bodies turning up. More animal attacks probably. At this point the town is just like, ‘Well, the animals are in charge now. Moving on.’"
--Price Peterson for TV.com, regarding the rash of dead bodies on The Vampire Diaries and the total apathy attached. In the chronology of the show, the entire series has taken like, a couple of months maybe? And at least 87 have died. They must have a hell of a lot of people moving to Mystic Falls on a regular basis or they’d have run out by now. I guess with all the death there were be more than a few jobs open… Hey, it's a tough economy out there, people.

Castle: “Get out of town, he’s right down the crater from me!”
Beckett: “Why doesn’t is surprise me that you have property on the moon?”
--I like to think he made a few celestial investments back on that “show [he] used to love.”

“He also told me, you poke a bear, you better have a shotgun pointed at his face.”
--Jarek, from quality new Monday night option The Chicago Code. That line pretty much sums up the show. You take on a corrupt political infrastructure, you better be prepared.

“I think I’ll overrule that on absurdity alone.”
--Denis O’Hare as Judge Abernathy on The Good Wife, hilariously shooting down Michael J. Fox in one of the best courtroom scenes to date.

Peter: [scoffs] “What was my nickname? Burke the Jerk? [pause] Oh, come on!”
Neal: “You tell me what else rhymes with Burke.”
Peter: “Work. Lurk. Smirk. Clerk works…”
--Hehe, oh White Collar, I love it that Peter’s name for Neal was James Bonds, completely badass and something Neal would love, and Neal’s name for Peter was so simple and insulting. Awesome.

Brittany: “Maybe try rocking back and forth, people do that in movies.”
Santana: “I just try to be really really honest with people when I think that they suck. You know?”
--Ryan Murphy episodes of Glee always seem to have an undercurrent of mean, which is actually the best part. And hey, honesty is the best policy… or whatever.

“It’s the boat buying event you’ve been waiting for!”
--I accidentally watched some commercials the other day. Good thing, or I might have missed the nautical retail event of the century! For thousands of years my people have waited for this day…

“Just ‘cause I’ve shot the occasional person doesn’t make me a thief.”
--Raylan Givens on Justified, explaining that his proclivities tend toward the deadly, not thieve-y.

Troy: “Why does being a librarian make her even hotter?”
Abed: “They’re keepers of knowledge. She holds the answers to all of our questions like, who will I marry, and… why are there still libraries.”
--Community, as ever, asking all the right questions.

Week-In-Review 2.1

It has become apparent that I need to somehow label these so that I can keep them straight. I'm going to employ a system that I know all to well, the season.episode format, only now with month.week. Here we go!

Most Unexpected Memory Trigger: Betty White at the SAG awards, if you can believe it…
As happy as I was to see 89 year old Betty White take home the statue (even if she actually won for outstanding achievement in the field of still being alive), it also triggered one of those lightning-fast recollections of a dream that I had totally forgotten about. For some reason, I was riding in the backseat of a car (one of those old people cars—you know, the size of a catamaran, all in maroon) with someone I can’t remember and Betty was driving. When I say “driving,” I mean “racing down the freeway like a maniac.” I kept screaming for Betty to stop the car, but she wouldn’t. Then the cops pulled up beside us, sirens blaring, trying to get her to stop. Still no luck. I kept looking over at the cops with a look of “I don’t know what to do” because it was really important to me at the time that they know that I was not in cahoots with Betty White. I seem to recall Betty driving off the road into a ditch after that, much to everyone’s relief. That maniac Betty White would no longer be terrorizing the good people of whatever fictional town my brain had come up with. What this all could mean, I have no idea… If there are any Freudians or dream analysts out there, Merry Christmas.

Best Absence: Al Pacino wins at the SAG awards, but mercifully isn’t there to accept.
Not having to listen to another interminable “speech” from Al Pacino means we’re all winners.

Most Convenient Casting: Paz de la Huerta
Apparently the casting director for Boardwalk Empire wasn’t taking too big of a leap in casting Paz de la Huerta as a half-conscious, grating, incoherent dingbat, as confirmed at the SAG awards. And here all this time I was just hoping she was one hell of a convincing actress. As it turns out, no acting required. In related news, put… the bronzer… down!

Longest Divorce: Chuck
Hot on the heels of its dubious distinction as the “least tempting show saved on my DVR,” I’ve finally, finally, FINALLY broken things off for good. In light of hardly anything being new last night, I started watching one of the saved episodes. After about five minutes, I could hear Jessica Lovejoy’s voice in my head with a plaintive, “Bored now,” and called it quits. Officially. The series has been canceled from my DVR list and all saved episodes have been deleted. If precedent serves, this means the show will now get insanely awesome again, so if you’re sticking with it, you’re welcome.

Most Unhatable Villain: Lie to Me’s baddie-of-the-week
Okay, I realize that the delectable Ashton Holmes (the late great Thom from Nikita) was actually a brutal murderer on last night’s episode of Lie to Me, but I have so many warm and fuzzy feelings about him from his stint on Nikita that I spent the entire episode hoping to hell he got away with it. It wasn’t all that long ago that he got killed (the wound is still a bit fresh in my mind), so it sure was nice to see him crop up on another show (quite frankly, a show that can use all the help it can get). Here’s hoping he lands a regular gig on something worth watching (which is code for, something on cable—ooh! Justified! Please?).

Best Casting News: Kristen Bell in Showtime's House of Lies, a role that might not totally suck.
I think we can all agree that most of her career moves have been more heartbreaking than uplifting. Post Veronica Mars, it’s been pretty painful to watch our darling Veronica in one craptastic romantic comedy after another. Here’s hoping her return to the small screen yields watchable results. Showtime has a pretty good track record, so at least there’s a chance. Kristen really deserves more than just a supporting role, but hey, I’d rather see her play second fiddle on a show that’s good than headline something as horrendous as When in Rome. Oh, wait…

Most Tantalizing Tidbit: Neal Caffrey’s father was a cop!
Can I just say, White Collar took a while to really find solid ground, but now that it’s there, it has become one of my favorite hours of television each week. Maybe it’s that the writers really feel like they know their characters now, or that the network is in full support of the show, or maybe it’s that they finally killed off Kate ("I’ll take Kate Getting Killed for 500, Alex."), but whatever is going on, it’s working. After last week’s flashback episode, I had feared that they would withhold any additional information about Neal’s past until some sort of finale or premiere (which don’t get me wrong, on USA, that’s about all there is), but I was pleasantly surprised to get some tantalizing information about Neal’s real past, not just his criminal past. I love that Neal’s father was a cop. The vibe between Neal and Peter has always had a bit of a father-son vibe to it, so making Neal’s actual father a cop just adds to that. The fact that his father was never around when he was a kid (and was apparently a dirty cop) also gives their vibe a shot in the arm. I thought it was really interesting when Neal said that he learned a lot about guns trying to be like his father, given the fact that it’s been established that Neal hates guns. His relationship with his father (or lack thereof), has helped mold Neal into the man he is today, and essentially Peter is stepping in where his father never did. Neal’s mother claims that his father died when he was a toddler, but I think we all know that he isn’t dead. With the Kate mystery starting to wind down with the revelation of Adler, I’m happy to see them sparking new ones. The actual chronology of events and the veracity of everything Neal told Peter is still up for grabs, but whatever the case may be, I’m thrilled to finally get some basic information about who Neal is and where he came from. I’m secretly hoping there are some siblings out there to be found as well…

Best Showdown: Cary vs Blake on The Good Wife

Second Best Showdown: Eli vs Becca on The Good Wife

Third Best Showdown: Alicia vs Wendy Scott-Carr on, wait for it, The Good Wife

Most Showdowns: Homekeepers with Arthelene Rippy
Or was it The Good Wife? Yeah, in case you hadn’t noticed a pattern here, The Good Wife had kind of an intense week… Homekeepers is really more about passive-aggressive power-plays than showdowns. No really, I’m serious. If you watch The Soup, you know what I mean.

Bloodiest Backfire: Being Human
While it can’t quite hold a candle to the UK original, the US version is well-done and entertaining. And pretty bleak, at times. I had a feeling Aidan’s attempts to glamour that guy wouldn’t end well, but I didn’t expect the guy to kill himself. When Bishop handed Aidan that envelope, I thought of several possibilities for what could be in there, but bloody suicide photos was not at the top of the list. Ouch. Poor Aidan. That’s rough, bro.

Best Shower: One that has Ian Somerhalder in it...
Kudos, Vampire Diaries. Kudos. Ian is also sitting in the "Best Bathtub" category. Man, that was a really good episode, wasn't it?

Sorest Loser with the Most Pathetic Pasta: Mike Isabella on Top Chef
Mike, it’s one thing to be disappointed that you didn’t win, it’s quite another to bitch and moan that Antonia’s dish was “really easy” when all you had to do was make pasta. And you couldn’t. That’s right, jackass, she didn’t beat you with some fantabulous dish. Nope, all she had to do was make something properly and it blew your hard, crunchy, “un-done-te” pasta out of the water. Seriously, I can’t believe he had the gall to call her out for making something simple. Dear Mike, I can’t steam mussels, but I can boil water and dump pasta in, thanks. Bastard. Mike, if you want to beat Antonia, might I make a suggestion?

Best Episode Cliffhanger (muahahahaha division): The Vampire Diaries
I don’t know about you, but I kinda can’t wait for Katherine to get out of the tomb. Did I think for even a minute that it would be Uncle John to get her out? Not a chance. The vampire/werewolf war that’s brewing needs all the badass vampires it can get. There will be blood. Well, more blood.

Best Episode Cliffhanger (ruh-ruh division): Nikita
It doesn’t come as a total surprise that Michael is starting to put the pieces together on Nikita, but that doesn’t make it any less foreboding. His reaction to Nikita outside the museum, however, makes me think that most of his blustering is pure bravado and that he’s isn’t as angry as he claims. I’m loving this show and I can’t wait to see how this one plays out. In other news, uh, Alex? Could you at least try to look like you’re actually capable of subduing a room full of hostages? And couldn’t the show have included at least one other woman in that group? She stuck out like a tiny, teenage thumb.

Quotes of the Week:

Lip: “Debs, was he inside or outside the yard when you grabbed him?”
Debbie: “Inside.”
Lip: “Okay… So, how’d you get him out?”
Debbie: “I waved a Snickers bar at him.”
--Lip trying to figure out just how Debbie stole a 2-year-old from a birthday party and exactly how much trouble she’ll be in on Shameless. It was Debbie’s zealous reading of “Snickers bar” that really sold the line.

“Tell me about your mother. Did she wear hats?”
--Peter, on White Collar, trying to pin down absolutely anything regarding Neal’s dubious personal history, whether sartorial or otherwise.

“This looks like something you’d find at the steam table at your worst enemy’s wedding.”
--Anthony Bourdain (aka the best addition to the show in ages), regarding Mike’s pathetic pasta on Top Chef. Sooo, you’re saying we’re at Mike’s wedding?

Eli: “How is it that I can manage aldermen, judges, and yet I still seem to have this ridiculous little mean girl thorn in my shoe?”
Becca: “Maybe your secretly in love.”
--One of many showdowns in The Good Wife this week. Apparently Eli didn’t watch enough Gossip Girl or he would have seen this coming a mile away. Not that he wasn’t prepared. I think we can all agree that when it comes to politics, Eli is the meanest mean girl in town.

Cary: “You just got my only eyewitness kicked and you want my help?”
Kalinda: “Yeah.”
--Oh, Cary, we all know she does and we all know you will. So would we.

“It’ll murder those fine lines and wrinkles right off your face.”
--Danielle Fishel on The Dish, regarding the Rejuvenique beauty mask.

Damon: “He’s a werewolf. He needs to die. I’m willing to kill. It’s a win-win.”
Elena: "Damon, please. Too many people are dead.”
Damon: “You need to stop doing that.”
Elena: “Doing what?”
Damon: “Assuming that I’ll play the good guy because it’s you who’s asking.”
--The Vampire Diaries. Something wicked this way comes, and he has fabulous blue eyes.

“For reasons that should be obvious, Pierce the Insensitive, known also as Pierce the Dickish and Grandpa the Flatulent, was not invited.”
--Lord of the Rings-y narrator of Community’s Dungeons & Dragons send-up of Pierce.

My Top 10 of 2010

With the end of the year upon us, retrospectives and top [insert random number here] lists have been cropping up all over the place. I don't usually do a top whatever list, but I've seen some pretty crazy-ass entries on some lists lately and felt the need to make my own preferences clear. Seriously, Huge? You're kidding me, right?

Here are my picks... (They're numbered, but there really isn't any particular order. I just picked ten and plopped them in there wherever.)

MY SCRIPTED TOP 10 (ish)

1) The Good Wife
I'm sure you're all sick to death of hearing about my love for The Good Wife, but what can I say? It really is the best show on network TV and can hold its own against cable. It does a better job balancing its elements than just about any other show on air, taking what could have been a standard legal procedural and turning it into a captivating drama that borders on a serial. When the show was first pitched, they aimed for 60% courtroom A-plots, 40% serial B-plots. I heard in an interview though that those values were ultimately reversed, and I think that's the key to its excellence (and probably a bit of why its ratings aren't where they should be). Your average middle-American apparently doesn't like to have to remember anything about anything week-to-week, which is why straight-up procedurals do so well here. Well, I hate procedurals, as you'll probably notice from their scarcity on this list. Give me a good serial any day, thanks. The Good Wife has it all and delivers every single week. Kudos, CBS, for doing something right for once.

2) Terriers
Yet another show you're probably sick of hearing about, but its warranted. I'm bummed beyond belief that this true gem won't be back for a second season, but I commend FX for airing the entire season in spite of dismal ratings (the show would have been pulled from network TV after 1 episode) and for manning up and telling us it was canceled right after the finale, rather than casually pretending the show had a chance until the last minute. Funny, dramtic, touching, intriguing, and addictive, Terriers will go down in TV history as one of the very best shows to be cut down in its prime. Assuming it makes it to DVD, I suspect this is a show that people will discover all too late. Here's hoping Donal Logue finds another project that showcases his true acting chops the way this one did.

3) CW Thursdays (The Vampire Diaries and Nikita)
Who'd have ever guessed that the CW, the little network that usually can't, would be the place for must-see TV on Thursdays (one of the biggest nights for programming)? These two series could easily have garnered individual spots on this list, but there's just something about having them back to back that makes the experience of each even richer. TVD hasn't experienced a sophomore slump at all (amazingly, given how fast they burn through story), and Nikita has been the surprise winner of the fall pilot season. Indeed, I think it's about the only network show I kept this year (what with Lone Star getting canceled and all). Hats off to the CW, where little shows with little followings can actually succeed.

4) Justified
Man alive, I'm so excited for this one to come back (February 9th)! Season 1 seems like ages ago. This show isn't quite like anything else on the air right now and somehow managed to make the western cool. It's a great serial with a stellar cast that has a very different flavor that most other programming. It's a breath of fresh Kentucky air (yeah, yeah, I know it isn't actually filmed there) that helps add something different to my slate of shows. From what I'm hearing, season 2 looks to be just as engaging and awesome as the first, so if you haven't checked this show out yet, you have about six weeks to get crackin'.

5) Community
I wanted to make sure to include at least one comedy on this list, and while Modern Family is incredibly well done, its second season hasn't been as hilarious as its first, whereas Community has reached new levels of awesome in its sophomore year. Henceforth, Community makes the cut. It really is the best comedy on air right now and is deserving of much better ratings than it gets. Seriously, people, it blows The Big Bang Theory out of the water and is a much better (and funnier) way to spend an evening.

6) Boardwalk Empire
A lot of people were ultimately underwhelmed by the narrative (even if they were blown away by the visuals), but I really got sucked into this one. I'm a little surprised at how much I enjoyed this one given my general lack of caring about gangsters. It's pacing was slower than most people would have preferred, but I found the slow burn captivating. There were elements that were underwhelming, I grant that, but overall, it's one of the most accomplished and expertly executed shows out there. Also, the fact that it airs on HBO and isn't in any danger of cancellation certainly helps get me invested in a show. I'm more willing to give a show time if I know it'll actually be around next week.

7) Nurse Jackie
Yet another show that feels like it's been gone for ages, Nurse Jackie has been on my favorites list since I saw the first 10 minutes of the pilot. Showtime has built an empire around quirky leading ladies, but Edie Falco tops them all. Sharp, funny, dark as hell, and incredibly dramatic, somehow Nurse Jackie manages to weave everything together in a seamless way, and in only 26 minutes. Here's hoping season 3 keeps the excellence ball rolling. What can I say? I've missed Jackie's style of justice lately and I can't wait to see how her intervention from the finale is going to play out in the coming season. Life really is full of little pricks, and Jackie is just the person to deal with them.

8) Doctor Who
I love British television. It was hard to pin down which of their stellar shows to include on this list, but my first venture into the wonderful world of Doctor Who takes the cake. Being Human got a little soapy and uneven in its second season, otherwise it also would have made the cut. I had only had a smattering of experience with the Doctor Who franchise until now, but I truly got sucked into this one. Matt Smith is charming and delightful as the Doctor and his chemistry with his companion Amy Pond was cheeky and exciting from beginning to end. Every episode had something special to offer, even in their less successful outings (which were still better than a lot of shows' best episodes). Adding international fare to your line-up is a great way to add something new and fresh and Doctor Who succeeds in spades. It's a hell of a lot of fun, but has some serious drama to boot. Cheers!

9) Castle
I really enjoy this show, but I had to really think about putting it on this list or not. It's a fun slice of escapism, but at its core, it's a procedural... and we all know how I feel about procedurals. Granted, this one is a lot better than most, but it still doesn't have the appeal of a good serial for me. I ultimately put it on this list because I genuinely look forward to it each week, even if it has a fair bit of fluff. The show doesn't take itself too seriously and knows how to have fun, which, after looking at some of the heavier options on this list, I really need from time to time. Plus, anything with Nathan Fillion has to get a mention somewhere (well, maybe not Drive, but who's splitting hairs?).

10) USA Network Programming
(Well, most of it anyway. Specifically: Burn Notice, In Plain Sight, White Collar, and Covert Affairs)
It's at this point that you should be crying foul because I clearly have more than 10 on my top 10, but I don't care. USA has a formula for success, and all of these shows follow that format to a certain degree, ergo, they get the same spot on this list. Burn Notice is clearly USA's most accomplished and aberrant program, deviating from the lighter than air elements of its cohorts with some serious drama. The season finale was off the hook fabulous and if I had to choose one show to put on this list, Burn Notice would easily take the cake. I really do enjoy the other shows listed as well, however, and wanted to give them some props. As a network, USA has created a brand that appeals to the masses without being completely devoid of quality and they deserve some recognition for that.

*Honorable Mentions*

Modern Family
"Don't bite my head off, Mitchell. I'm not a pack of batteries!"

Lone Star
I hardly knew ye... It's hard to know where this show would have ended up if I had seen more than two episodes, but after only those two, I was invested hook, line, and sinker. Here's hoping we get to see the rest of the taped episodes someday...

Southland
I'm actually pretty excited for this one to come back. Who'd have guessed?

Glee
This show is hit or miss, but when it's hit, it's one of my favorites.

Dexter
Not their best season, but it's still a hell of a show.


MY REALITY/COMPETITION TOP 5
1) Top Chef
2) So You Think You Can Dance
3) Work of Art: The Search for the Next Great Artist
4) The Next Food Network Star
5) Top Chef: Masters

And no, Project Runway did NOT make the list. I don't like to reward bad behavior, and crowning what's-her-face (Gretchen) the winner of anything is simply inexcusable.


MY REALITY/OTHER TOP 5
1) I Shouldn't Be Alive
2) Hoarders
3) Mystery Diagnosis
4) Intervention
5) Locked Up Abroad


There are a lot of other categories out there that should probably be explored, but when I started compiling a list, it became pretty daunting. There is one more honor that has to be bestowed, however, and it's something that I like to think had a hand in garnering a top ten finish for the show...

MOST IMPROVED HAIR

Kate Beckett (Castle)
If I never see that mullet of hers again, I'll be a happy, happy viewer. Way to grow out the "business in the front", Kate. It was that or lose the "party in the back"... Either way, something had to be done.