Week-In-Review 2.3

I didn't have the time this week to review the new shows in depth and in their own posts, so I've simply included some little nuggets below. The third week of the month is always super-busy for me and I simply couldn't bring myself to trying any harder than this. There really wasn't anything concrete to latch onto with Mr. Sunshine, Mad Love, or Crinimal Minds: Suspect Behavior anyways. On with the show!

Lowest Blow: Shameless
This is a show with a lot of low blows, several in the last episode alone, so the bar is set pretty high, er, low... This episode featured Carl (easily the most expendable kid in the family) hitting a high school jock in the knee after he’d already surrendered (he had already had his SAT scores invalidated, so taking out his knee basically ruined his only chance), so on any other day, that would have been the lowest blow, but not this time. After more than two decades of neglecting his children, never engaging in any parental duties or attending the school’s Parents’ Night even once for any of his kids (even when the stakes are high enough that one of them is going to be expelled), it’s revealed that he attended Parents’ Night as Karen’s “Daddy Frank.” The real heartbreaker was watching the younger kids who didn’t immediately understand the implications of Frank showing up to Parents’ Night for someone else’s kid. Man alive, listening to the little kids say that they wanted to go say “Hi” to daddy while Fiona and Lip are devastated was pretty gut-wrenching. Never once did he show up for them, but he shows up for a neighbor. Ouch.

Fewest Awards Given at an Awards Show: The Grammys
I have honestly never watched the Grammys before (music isn’t really my thing), but I figured I’d give it a chance on a slow night (plus, my brother and sister-in-law were in attendance, so I cared more). I should have just watched the TLC docu-soap The Queen instead. Not only was it boring as all get out, but I was under the apparently incorrect assumption that awards would be given out. Seriously, 3 ½ hours, and I think there were maybe 5 awards? Is that the norm? Don’t get me wrong, no one wants to hear acceptance speeches, but it seemed really odd to me. And didn’t half those songs come out like 3 years ago? Seriously, none of what was nominated seemed at all recent. It was like there were nothing but Temple Grandins… I fast-forwarded through probably 95% of the show and I don’t think I missed anything… except maybe a bunch of crap I probably wanted to miss… Speaking of which, I have never even heard of Esperanza whatever-her-name-was, but seeing anyone else on the planet win Best New Artist besides Justin Bieber kind of makes her my hero. I'm feeling a sudden urge to purchase whatever kind of music it is that she makes...

Most Logical Course of Events: Scheduling the thousand-year-old Rolling Stones performance right after the “In Memoriam” montage on the Grammys
That was after the “In Memoriam,” right?

Most Unwittingly Prohibitive Element of a New Show: The main characters on new CBS comedy Mad Love are named Ben and Kate.
I just… I can’t. I realize there’s no way that the writers of the show could know that I already get to watch the relationship woes of my own real-life Ben and Kate (hi guys!), but I just don’t think I can watch the fiction version as well. Too weird. On a semi-related note, is there some new requirement where shows simply must have a Kate? It’s a fine name, to be sure, but I think there’s at least one on 80% of the shows I watch. Anyway, I don’t think cutting Mad Love from my list is too much of a loss. It was by no means the worst pilot I’ve seen, but it didn’t really grab me either. Mad Love is basically How I Met Your Mother minus Marshall, and I already watch HIMYM, so I think that quota has officially been filled. Seriously, it was shockingly similar. Which, dear writers, if you had any chance of avoiding constant comparisons to HIMYM, maybe you shouldn’t have cast Sarah Chalke in the lead (you know, what with her being the probable mother for like 2 entire seasons).

Nastiest Piece of Work: Alderman Gibbons on The Chicago Code
This guy is cold and twisted and manipulative as hell… and I’m lovin’ it.

Best Backstory: Little Ricky Castle
Erring on the lighter, more comedic side of the crime procedural genre, we don’t often get a ton of backstory for the characters on Castle, and when we do, it’s almost always for Beckett. As such, it was incredibly nice to get some depth on Castle himself this week. He’s the lovable goofball most of the time, but Beckett wouldn’t have kept him around this long for amusement alone, and now we get to see where some of his range comes from. It also served as a motivation for his unyielding dedication to his friend, even going so far as to fight with Beckett. This isn’t just some random friend; this guy made Castle the man his is today (and saved him from being a lawyer). Sooo… in spite of all the murder and whatnot, I say god bless him. (That was a nice twist at the end with the reveal that he actually had killed his father after all. Didn’t see that coming.)

Most Disappointing Man vs. Machine Competition: Jeopardy!
When I first heard that Ken Jennings and Brad what’s-his-name would be competing against an IBM computer, I was intrigued to see if the computer could really ascertain the meaning of the questions and respond. Well, turns out it can most of the time, which is impressive, but the actual competition was frustrating as hell. It’s not so much a matter of who’s smarter, or can a computer answer these kinds of questions better than a human, it’s basically proving that computers can ring in faster than humans. Well, no shit! Of course it can. Geez, the looks on the two guys’ faces expressed my annoyance as a viewer.

Person Most in Need of a Brad Falchuk Episode of Glee: Yeah, that would be me.
Really? An Ian Brennan episode, then two Ryan Murphy episodes? I thought this week would be a Brad Falchuk! I was utterly crestfallen when I saw the writing credit a few minutes in. Don’t get me wrong, Murphy’s episodes are better than Brennan’s, but at this point, I need more. I was going to label this under “biggest Glee disappointment of the week,” but that contest just got entirely too crowded. If I don’t get a stellar episode soon, I might just be done with the show.

Only Truly Redeeming Element of This Week’s Episode of Glee: Rent
Good lord, that was a truly unfortunate array of songs this week. I fully admit that I fast-forwarded through most of them. Oh how I wish they would stick to show tunes. The Rachel/Mercedes Rent duet to Take Me or Leave Me was awesome. Even better? Rachel’s mother, aka Idina Menzel, sang Rachel’s part in the original broadway cast. Double awesome. It almost makes up for the horrendousness of the Bieber crap and I Know What Boys Like (a song which I didn’t think could possibly get worse than the original version). I actually enjoy Sing by My Chemical Romance quite a bit, but it just didn’t feel right here (especially with Finn in the lead—could he please get kicked off the show? Or go mute?). I’m pretty surprised My Chemical Romance even let Glee have the rights to it. Street cred? What street cred? Also, did I fast-forward through the part that explained why they were dressed like lumberjacks? I must have…

Sexiest EV-RY-THING: Kalinda on The Good Wife
It kills me that more people aren’t watching The Good Wife. This show just keeps getting better and better. At the very center of the awesomeness? Kalinda Sharma (if that is her real name, and I think we all know that it isn’t). Okay, I thought that scene between her and the FBI woman was hot, but then she and Blake strip searched each other (among other things) and I saw just how tame the previous scene had been. I have always loved the dynamic between Blake and Kalinda and this week it came to a… climax? Sure, why not. There’s a sense to danger and total manipulation in every scene they’re in and here it ended up with a baseball bat to Blake’s ribs. Kalinda may have reduced Blake to a gasping heap on the floor, but his revelation that he had “phoned” her husband was even more of a blow, methinks. Husband?! Holy shit! If that weren’t enough on the sexy Kalinda scale, her relationship with Cary just gets more and more fabulous. They hardly had any time together this week, but their mutual respect, sexual chemistry, and affection were utterly apparent. The look on Cary’s face when he called “Miss Sharma” into his office so that his investigator friend could question her was classic. I also appreciated that at various points during the episode, someone called Kalinda his girlfriend and Blake called Cary her boyfriend. Actually, I think that was Blake for both… Final Kalinda revelation of the evening? She’s officially bisexual. It’s what I had always assumed, but never had confirmation.

Thing I Never Would Have Notice If People Hadn’t Pointed it Out: “Phoned” on The Good Wife
I’ve seen every episode of this show and had never noticed that they say “phoned” instead of “called” until someone mentioned it online. Now I can’t not notice it. Thanks a million, random online person. Apparently the regional colloquialisms of the showrunners’ hometown tend toward using “phoned” rather than the more common verbs. Whatever the reason, it sticks out like a sore thumb now, and… it just occurred to me that I have just done to everyone who reads this blog what was done to me... Sorry about that. Now we can all notice it together. Drinking game, anyone?

Best Reason to Lie: Will on The Good Wife
Sorry, last Good Wife award, I promise. I know people were bummed that Alicia finally asked him about the phone call and he lied about it, but really, people, what would you have done? What message did I leave ages ago? Well, I poured my heart out, declared my love, then thought you had rejected me fully, so I forced myself to get a new girlfriend that no one likes… but, now that you ask, wanna make out? Yeah, no. He had to lie, people. I certainly would have.

Most Underwhelming Return of a “Friend”: Mr. Sunshine
I like Matthew Perry well enough, but his new show ain’t so sunny… It’s a shame really, because it has a stellar cast. It just doesn’t seem to have any plot or actual humor—which is kind of a problem for a comedy. The whole thing was basically one lame set-up after another for Perry to snarkily comment on. Um, yay?

Sharpest Shooter: Tim Gutterson on Justified
His character was a sniper with the military (I believe he was with the Rangers), and it's clear to see. This show does an amazing job of infusing the deliberate pace with some truly shocking events. It's amazing how good Raylan is at manipulating bad guys... even convincing them to peek out from behind their cover to see Tim... who summarily shoots him between the eyes. Wowzers/yikes.

Best Reason to Read the Effing Directions: The Vampire Diaries
Seriously people? You’re trying to kill the unkillable, you have a manual telling you how to do so, and it didn’t occur to you to read the instructions in full before proceeding?! Oh, for hell’s sake. Don’t get me wrong, it made for an especially exciting and twisty episode, what with having to kill Elijah several times, but honestly, Elena, try finishing the page next time.

Most Welcomed Return: Katherine on The Vampire Diaries
I kinda sorta adore Katherine and it’s about damn time she made it out of the tomb. Elena is as bland as it gets, so it’ll be nice for Nina Dobrev to have something to do other than pout.

Most Sub-Par Spin-Off: Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior
I had never realized just what a tenuous success the original version was. Apparently, if you take the exact same show, but swap out most of the characters, you’re left with an ersatz cheesefest that was surprisingly boring. The original version works well because of the character dynamics, the direction, the injections of levity, the overall style, and the professionalism. Remove all those elements and you get the spin-off before you. The characters were mostly boring and formulaic. Forrest Whitaker heads this “Red Cell” branch of the BAU and brings very little to the role. I didn’t find him interesting, commanding, or capable of leading anyone. He also sounded like he was suffering from congestive heart failure for the better part of the episode, which made it even harder to believe him as the dynamic leader of the group. Mandy Patinkin brought so so much to the table with the early seasons of Criminal Minds, and here, Whitaker just bored me to tears. What’s worse, his supporting players were just as unengaging. I’ve always been a fan of Jeanine Garafalo, and she was certainly one of the better aspects here, but she still fell a bit flat for me. On top of it all, this show had an eye-rolling about of grandstanding and soapboxing about trust and justice and blah, blah, blah. One the most compelling aspects of the original is that they let the events speak for themselves. I don’t need someone to tell me that these unsubs are horrendous monsters, but Suspect Behavior sure seems to think we do. Maybe it’s simply that I’ve seen too many episodes of the original to take a spin-off seriously. They have the exact same job. It’s hardly even a spin-off. The only ways in which they reinvented the wheel here was to make things worse. This is area that has been covered so many times on the original that there’s hardly room to grow. The original crew has solved just about every conceivable case at this point, and it getting tired in its own right. A spin-off was unnecessary and nigh impossible to do right. Case in point, the case-of-the-week for the Suspect Behavior pilot was beyond lame. The original could get away with something like this because they’ve already covered so much ground, but with these new people, I was rolling my eyes. Also, having seen so many of these, there are very few surprises these days. Little blonde girl goes missing… my first thought? The unsub is a white male in his thirties with a large vehicle. After more info is revealed about his pattern? Well, he must be using these girls as a surrogate for someone he lost. This is not my first rodeo. It’s no viewer’s first rodeo. After this long, it’s the characters that keep a show going, and Suspect Behavior didn’t have anyone I liked (or at least they weren’t showcased in a way that made me want to care about them). I’d recommend sticking with the original. Suspect Behavior wasn’t the worst pilot I’ve ever seen or anything, but it’s inferior to the original in basically every way. Also, it has 100% less Dr. Reid, so really, what’s the point?

Best Reconciliation: Michael and Nikita
Man alive, I was wondering when he’d finally forgive her for that Uzbekistan episode, and now we seem to be there. Watching them work together is one of the best parts of the show, so having him hate her with a passion threw a bit of a wrench into the works (or a claymore, as it were).

**Quotes of the Week**

“You can’t beat karate when it comes to regulated, sanctioned violence for children.”
--Debbie, who seems to be the bearer of most of the great one-liners on Shameless. Now if we could only get rid of Carl, the cause of this particular one-liner, the show would be all the better for it. Get rid of Frank, too. You know, while you’re at it.

“She says she wants a gift that says, ‘I love you,” but nothing that says, 'I love your more than life itself, please don’t leave me or I may die.’”
--Castle, summing up Alexis’ gift-giving conundrum. It’s a delicate balance each Valentine’s shopper aims for, but few succeed. You see, that’s why you simply have no life. No one to shop for = No chance of a social faux pas.

Will: “Who can tell us what an anthem is?”
Brittany: “The bottom of an ant’s pants.”
Will: “So close.”
--Glee, placing the comedic weight squarely on Brittany’s shoulders more and more often.

“Who is Bram Stoker. (I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords.)”
--Ken Jennings, summing up what the audience at home was thinking throughout the entire IBM Jeopardy challenge with a Simpsons reference in his final answer. Nice.

Mitchell: “Well, also, it’s a princess theme party, so I guess you just don’t respect party themes.”
Cam: “You did not just say that!”
Mitchell: “I’m sorry, that was crossing the line.”
Cam: “Yes, it was.”
--Modern Family

“That’d be a neat trick, escaping the past.”
--Helen on Justified, who clearly watches the show she’s in.

“Me and Abed have an agreement. If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We’re gonna get that show back on the air, buddy!”
--Troy on Community, with probably the best death plan ever conceived by anyone in the history of the world. I think all Whedonverse fans were like, “Why didn’t I think of that!?” I’m glad we’re all on the same page now.

“Yes. Yes. I would examine very closely Fox’s reasoning — I’m a little gun-shy. If I got $300 million from the California Lottery, the first thing I would do is buy the rights to Firefly, make it own my own, and distribute it on the Internet.”
--Nathan Fillion, responding to the question: If Castle had its series finale tomorrow and Fox said to you and Joss: “We screwed up, let’s try doing Firefly again.” Would you do it? Good answer, Mal. Actually, incredibly cruel answer, Mal. Way to get our hopes up with the best plan ever. Maybe Troy and Abed can help…

“Yes, I'm guilty, lawyer man. You found it. Malice. This whole movie was my attempt at getting back at the Internet. Take that, Internet.”
--A fictional screenwriter on The Good Wife, defending his Social Network-esque script.

“I for one hope GLEE's meticulously crafted storylines won't suffer as a result of FX picking up a new drama from Ryan Murphy #sarcasm”
-- theTVaddict, via twitter, expressing my thought exactly regarding Ryan Murphy’s new project. Usually when a showrunner takes on a new show, the old one suffers, but with Glee? I’m not sure that’s even possible from a narrative standpoint… I’m much more afraid of The Vampire Diaries’ showrunners picking up a new series…

“Set phasers to LOVE ME!”
--Troy on Community, once again, expressing his desperation to gain LeVar Burton’s approval with the funniest line I’ve heard in ages. I’m giggling just thinking about it.

“You want it? Take it. It’s yours. And after what you did to Damon, you’re gonna need it more than me.”
--Alaric on The Vampire Diaries, requeathing his ring-of-no-dying back to John, with one tinsy weensy caveat.

“Nerds like rejection. See, their thinking is, if she’s interested in you, there must be something wrong with her.”
--Birkoff, on Nikita. Well, that explains a lot about my high school dating record...