Week-In-Review 2.4

I keep thinking these posts will get shorter, but alas, I just can't help myself. In other news, where did February go? With sweeps drawing to a close, we're in for a drought in March, so maybe these will finally shrink. Seriously, The Vampire Diaries and Nikita won't be back till April 7th. Not cool, CW. Not cool.

Most Convenient Accessory: Beckett’s Geiger Counter on Castle
I didn’t realize those were standard issue… Seriously, I spent the entire rest of the episode hoping someone would mention why the hell of a New York homicide detective would be wearing a radiation meter, but everyone just acted like that was a totally normal item for her to be wearing. Really? A Geiger Counter? Maybe there’s an app for that…

Shortest Cliffhanger: Castle
Oh my god! Castle and Beckett are trapped in a freezer with a dead guy who froze to death and THEY MIGHT BE NEXT! Dun, dun, DUN! Wait… Yeah, no, false alarm. The preview of next week (which appeared mere moments after the thrilling musical queue signaling their apparent demise) lets us know they’ll be right as rain in no time at all. I, uh… can’t wait till next week? The edge of my seat went from occupied to vacant in under a minute. Thanks a lot, promotional department. Well played?

Bittersweetest Reference: Serenity on Castle
Don’t get me wrong, show, the references to Nathan Fillion’s past as our favorite space cowboy make me grin and clap and squeal, but all the merriment is quickly followed by the sobering realization that it’s all over. It makes it hard to move on.

Character that May as Well Leave the Show Now: Zoey on HIMYM
Well, she isn’t the mother, so in terms of Ted’s current relationship—all together now—who the hell cares!? Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than a little happy to hear that Zoey won’t be sticking around for the long-run, but it makes me seriously apathetic towards the short run. After this long, it’s time to find the mother already. Although I’m a fair bit intrigued to see how things end for Ted and Zoey… apparently it’s pretty bad. Here’s hoping it’s pretty quick as well.

Question: What is the Dirtiest Kids’ Movie Title Ever?: Jeopardy Answer: "What is Pussy Furry?"
Ha! I’m officially 13 years old, thanks. The best part? I don’t think nerdy, sheltered Raya truly realized just how funny/dirty/inappropriate her response was. I greatly appreciated that one of her competitors couldn’t stifle a laugh though. I sure couldn’t.

Randomest PSA: Glee
Where the hell did that come from? In yet another in the recent long line of sub-par episodes (this one courtesy of repeat offender Ian Brennan), Glee’s PSA against drinking seemingly came out of left field. I can understand afterschool-special-type moments about bullying because it relates directly to the story, and I can forgive the random tribute to certain musical artists, what with this being a musical and all, but a PSA against alcohol coupled with (essentially) a tribute to Ke$ha? Yeah, NO. Does Brad Falchuk even write for the show anymore? We’ve had nothing but Murphy and Brennan for entirely too long.

Most Unexpectedly Steamy Lip-Lock: Blaine and Rachel on Glee
Amid the unwelcomed lesson about the dangers of drinking, blah, blah, blah, the episode did have quite a lot of fun with Rachel’s party. For as disappointing as the rest of the episode was, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling ear-to-ear for the Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza. And, in an improbable turn of events (er, spin of events, I should say), Blaine and Rachel had a surprising amount of sexual chemistry together with a rather convincing kiss. Way to throw a bone to us straight gals out there (especially those of us who have a penchant for crushing on possibly gay guys), even if for only a little while. I loved how drunk Rachel seems to think that Blaine’s full name is Blaine Warbler. Heh.

Best Song: Don’t You Want Me, Baby from Glee
Why yes, Blaine, I do! I think it had more to do with drunken chemistry than the song itself, but I totally loved this. You could tell they were both having an absolute blast doing this number (the characters and actors). I get the feeling Lea Michele and Darren Criss have been wanting to do a duet since Blaine joined the show. As far as performances on the show are concerned, Rachel and Blaine are the two who ham it up the most, so it was quite a lot of fun to see those two tornados of enthusiasm in the same number.

Best Costume Design: Speaking of Rachel and Blaine…
Ha! I don’t know who picked out that green 1970s bridesmaid’s dress for Rachel to wear, but I think we can all agree that it is exactly the dress she would have chosen for her would-be swanky adult soiree. It was also nice to see Blaine in some casual clothes for once. “Preppy hipster” suits him well.

Most Welcomed Return: Being Human (UK edition)
It’s been too long! Last season got a little soapy and a bit uneven in the middle, but ended in spectacular fashion. The new season started up on Saturday and reminded me of why I fell so hard for this show in the first place. It also put the US version into shocking clarity. The Syfy interpretation is pretty good, but the UK version is bloody brilliant in every conceivable regard. Having the UK edition back is kind of making me like the US version less and less. It just can’t hold a candle to its predecessor. I’ve heard that the US version really starts to blaze its own path around episode 6, so that should help. As is, it’s starting to feel like I’m watching the same show as before, only not as good, which is a bit of a downer. Anyway, I’m totally stoked that the Brits are back. They have an emotional range and depth of storytelling that is unmatched by the US edition and it’s nice to have that kind of gravity back. I’m thoroughly glad that Mitchell saved Annie from purgatory sooner than later. My primary concern after last season was that we’d spend the better part of this season trying to get her back. Thankfully, our darling Mitchell is more than willing to face an eternity of hell to save her. Aw.

Longest Foreshadow: Annie and Mitchell on Being Human (UK)
It was clear back at the beginning of season 1 that their potential romantic chemistry was established and an accidental kiss was had, but we’ve had very little payoff since then. It’s been satisfying to see their relationship deepen over time, but I’m glad to see that the show is finally exploring that side of their hopes at “being human.” They’ve both been through a lot and it’ll be nice to see them interact in a new way. Of course, it’ll probably end horribly, but that’s all part of the ride. “But I’m dead,” Annie laments. “So is he…”

Worst Mother: Anyone Ever Featured on Toddlers & Tiaras
It would be impossible to narrow down the “worst mother” title to just one offender, but I think I was most unnerved when the following thought sprang to mind, “I’m sorry, did you really just give your 15 month old baby a spray tan?” Wow. Just, wow.

Best Guest Star: Gary Cole on The Good Wife
The Good Wife always has stellar guest stars, but Gary Cole as ballistics expert Kurt McVeigh was my favorite this week. His and Diane’s relationship is practically unfathomable from a political perspective, but their chemistry is undeniable (his love of Sarah Palin notwithstanding). I still can't look at him without hearing, "Yeah, hi," in my head though...

Biggest Pet Peeve: Detectives Who Don’t Put Their Gloves On
This happens all the time and I notice it all the time and it never gets less annoying. Instead of actually putting their gloves on, they just use them as a hanky to pick up evidence or open drawers and windows of a crime scene. A) You’re look ridiculous, B) Exactly how long does it take to put gloves on? and C) Most of the time, you’re still contaminating the evidence, punkin. I assume there’s a production reason for it, but seriously, just start the scene with the gloves on. They’re investigating a murder here, people. They’d have gloves on before the entered the damn house.

Best Backstory That Really Should Have Been Introduced 3 Seasons Ago: Emily Prentiss on Criminal Minds
Good lord, you couldn’t have fleshed-out her character with an espionage-y past with Interpol back when she first started on the show?! I’ve always liked her well enough, but she’s generally been a bit bland. Now that you’ve decided to write her off the show you give her a backstory that makes me invest? That’s just mean.

Character I’m Gladdest Didn’t Get Killed Off Last Season: Dewey Crowe on Justified
This season of Justified is proving to be even better than the first, and that’s thanks in no small measure to the deep-fried absurdity that is Dewey Crowe. He makes for hilarious comic relief, but also contributes to the overall narrative in a meaningful and believable way. Not an easy feat.

Most Improbably Successful Impersonation: Dewey Crowe as Raylan Givens on Justified
Ha! Hats off to Dewey (well, I guess it would be hats on, really) for being ballsy enough to dress up as Raylan Givens in order to swindle some baddies out of their stolen prescription pills. I loved when the real Raylan went over to the witness and was like, “Am I the man you saw?” To which she hilariously replied, “Lord, no.” I don’t know if you’ve met Dewey and Raylan, but the two could never be confused. I’m pretty sure I’d remember if Timothy Olyphant showed up at my house, thanks.

Most Ridiculous Runway: America’s Next Top Model
Now, this show is in cycle 817 at last count, so they’ve had a lot of crazy-ass runways in their day, but putting the girls in plastic bubbles and having them walk down a foot-wide platform in a pool? Wow. In all honesty, I don’t think anything can compete with the runway where they had to dodge the giant pendulums, but watching the girls fall in their bubbles and then slip and slosh on the surface of the water was pretty damn entertaining.

Catchiest Song: You Gotta Have Jeff from Community
You thought the winner of this category would be from Glee, didn’t you? Yeah, well, that was before I saw Jeff’s 1997 audition tape for The Real World Seattle. Man alive, I’ve seen blackmail videos before, but this one tops them all.

Worst Crime Against Chef Law: Mike on Top Chef
Good god, could he get kicked off the show already? It's bad enough to flat out steal a dish from a fellow competitor, but then to pretend that it was Richard's own stupid fault for not using the dish himself? That's the hallmark of a total bastard. Not that that's a surprise, what with Mike being a total dick from day one, but to blatantly admit that he couldn't come up with his own idea is just pathetic. I swear to god, if he wins this season, I'll have to be done with the show. Blaise or Carla for the win!

Biggest Headscratcher: The Vampire Diaries--I’m sorry, exactly how are Stefan and Damon getting Elena and Katherine mixed up?
I realize that they look exactly the same and all, but Elena’s alive and Katherine’s a vampire. Surely Stefan and Damon, also vampires, should be able to almost instantly tell the difference (what with their supernatural senses of smell and hearing). Vampires are dead and don’t have a heartbeat (at least I don’t think they do on this show), and I’m not sure just how doppelganger-y Elena and Katherine are supposed to be, but they’re identical right down to scent? Don’t get me wrong, it makes for good TV, but every time she pulls a fast one on them, I’m a little annoyed. Humans not seeing the difference? Fine. Other vampires? Not so fine. Convenient, more like.

Best Reason (or 50) to Stop Going to School: You live in Mystic Falls
It always cracks me up when the characters on The Vampire Diaries pretend that they actually care about school. They’re currently dealing with the world’s most convoluted story-arc and we’re to believe they have an algebra test this afternoon? Ha! I’m sorry, you have an immortal dead-guy in the basement, you just barely got rid of the werewolves, there are witches trying to kill you, even older, even more immortal dead guys trying to kill you, a doppelganger who just escaped and is probably trying to kill you, there’s a moonstone that no one can remember why it matters (seriously, I lost track of that shiny bar of soap 5 episodes ago), and you’re worried about being late for school? Oh, honey. You really need to sort out your priorities. I guess the one saving grace is that no actual learning is done at school. It’s really just a meeting place where random supernatural elements make plans.

Best Cliffhanger: Nikita
The Vampire Diaries' cliffhanger was good, Nikita’s was better. Holy hell, what a game-changer! I can’t wait! "Ask me how I got here." Ahhhh!

**Quotes of the Week**

“You know what they say, Charlie [Sheen], people in glass houses… have a lot of cool things to snort coke off of.”
--Joel McHale on The Soup, regarding Charlie Sheen’s advice to Lindsay Lohan on how to clean up her life. Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You’re black.

Realtor: “Do what you want, as long as the rent’s covered. We’ve been trying to shift this place for months. I reckon it’s haunted.” [pause]
[simultaneously]
Nina: “No, it’s fine.”
George: “Nope, there’s nothing here.”
--Being Human (UK). Oh, how I’ve missed this show. It’s got a humor that’s so much subtler and more authentic than the US version.

Steve: “You feel like the world will stop spinning on its axis if you take a night off. You know how when a plane starts going down they tell you to put your mask on before helping anyone else? Put your mask on, Fiona!”
Fiona: [pause] “Yeah, well I’ve never been on a plane!”
--Steve, telling Fiona what the audience has known all along on Shameless. She’s over-extended and burning out. I mainly included this quote because it made me wonder: Would people who’ve never flown know about the whole, put your own mask on before helping other people thing? As a person who’s flown a fair bit, the reference was obvious, so it seemed unfathomable that anyone would be unfamiliar with it. Not that I think Fiona was oblivious, but I could see where someone might be. Weird.

“Alcohol, William. The wet devil. Our children are so brazen they’re showing up to school wasted. And not wasted on learning, Will. Wasted on booze.”
--Principal Figgins on Glee. Let me tell ya, I’ve been wasted on learning more than a few times, and the theme for this week’s cautionary tale could have used some revision.

“Who cares about you, buddy? I might get a new boyfriend out of this who can keep up with me vocally and in the future, give me vaguely Eurasian-looking children.”
--Rachel, regarding her and Blaine’s genetic capabilities on Glee. They really are pretty ethnically ambiguous, now that they mention it. IMDb/Wikipedia to the rescue! Lea’s mother is an Italian American Roman Catholic, while her father is a Spanish Sephardic Jew. Darren’s mother is from the Philippines and his father has Irish ancestry. Hmh.

Dianna: “A contemporary of Neal’s? This I gotta see.”
Peter: “No, he’s not what you’d expect. He’s a little more Ratso Rizzo than Cary Grant.”
Neal: “I’m Cary Grant?”
Peter: “Only by comparison to Ratso Rizzo.”
--White Collar. And yes, Neal, you’re Cary Grant, with or without a Ratso Rizzo comparison.

“I have a boyfriend. Or, I had a boyfriend… He joined a circus.”
--America Ferrera as Natalie Morales on The Good Wife. Her deflated delivery of the line was hilarious.

“Happy Valen-birth-iversary!”
--Phil on Modern Family, using the new catch-all for screw-ups.

“You’re a thrill a minute, Raylan. We need to sell tickets.”
--And I need to by them. (Art, regarding Raylan’s rekindled romance with Winona on Justified.)

“Did Kurt used to sing on #Glee, or did we imagine it? Bigger question: With Blaine around, do we care?”
--TWoP via Twitter, asking a very good question. I miss Kurt, but with Blaine around, I don’t notice his absence so often.

Mike: “In gumbo, there’s potatoes, right? Traditionally?”
Tiffani: “No.”
Mike: “No?”
Tiffani: “Never.”
--Top Chef, once again showcasing Mike’s total lack of knowledge about cooking. Tool.

Katherine: “You were mean. And very rough. And monstrous.”
Damon: “You deserved it.”
Katherine: “I like this Damon.”
Damon: “Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one.”
--I love that Katherine has finally returned to The Vampire Diaries, but I love more that Damon can finally resist her (even if it’s pretty clear that he’s unbelievably tempted). Maybe his new resolve has to do with this:

“I wanted out of the tomb. Didn’t matter who paid the price. Of course I knew that you’d die.”
--Seriously, Katherine, that’s cold. And completely illogical. If you’re going to get one of the Salvatores killed, why not make it Stefan? I think most of us can agree that he’s the better choice.

“Garrett. That guy’s just a mess. It’s like God spilled a person.”
--Troy on Community, regarding one the front-runners for student government.

“Boy, no matter what you do, all roads seem to lead back to Nikki, don’t they.”
--Birkoff on Nikita, finally realizing the basis for the show that he’s in.