Okay, so that's being a bit dramatic, but her new pet project The Beautiful Life (sorry, The Beautiful Life: TBL (because the producers of this show actually thought it would be a big hit and warrant a hip three letter nickname--so why not build it right in?!)) isn't going to lead to the comeback I know she was hoping for. Along with brutally low ratings (even by CW standards), the quality of the show isn't enough to make it critically acclaimed (not by a long shot) and it isn't unique enough (yeah, yeah, technically "unique" is an absolute, but you know
what I mean) to make it buzz worthy. As such, I don't think there's anything that could improve the ratings in the long run or create enough of a splash to get people's attention. All told, I don't see this turkey surviving very long, and quite frankly won't be too broken up inside to see it go.I honestly wasn't even going to mention anything about this show, but what can I say? Boredom leads to poor life choices. Which, I suppose by that logic, the crew behind The Beautiful Life must have been positively overflowing with ennui...
The show follows the lives of a bunch of models who do a bunch of modeling and all live in a model house in Model York. Now, I enjoy modeling/fashion shows as much as the next person, but they aren't really a demographic known for its depth and complexity (models can't be too heavy with anything it seems, even knowledge). I think the fact that I've been known to watch Project Runway, America's Next Top Model (which, can I just say? Every time I think Tyra can't get more ridiculous, she raises that crazy ass bar another peg), Make Me a Supermodel, etc may have made me a bit harsher on this show than is really warranted. It made all the little things stand out as ridiculous that I probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise.
You know, like the fact that half the people playing models couldn't be actual models in a million billion years. So many of them were short, unexceptional, bad walkers that it put a real strain on my suspension of disbelief. Case in point, the new boy in town, Chris (or something) who gets spotted in a fancy restaurant by a modeling scout. Yeah, not so much... Aside from being way too short, he struck me as WAY too catalog. Not a bad looking guy, but he didn't strike me as anything worth writing home about. The girl who plays Raina, the new modeling phenom (and immediate love interest for Chris) at least has an interesting look. She can't walk worth a damn (seriously), but she was one of the few who really looked like she could be a model (you know, scarecrow thin and kind of peculiar looking--I'm not sure how society decided that was the measure of beauty, but whatever).Chris is a country bumpkin visiting the big scary city with the cast of Green Acres (read: his family). In case you weren't sure of how very "from Iowa" they were, (and I have to echo Lindsay's comments here), the father actually said, "We'll be paying for this vacation for the next three harvests!" I had read Lindsay's review before I finally got around to seeing the pilot and I still couldn't believe he actually said that. And that he somehow wasn't joking. Get that man an Emmy award, because I was sure there was no possible way to say that with a straight face. Wow. Anyway, poor innocent little Chris gets sucked into the big bad world of modeling, blah, blah, blah, I already don't care.
The models who are already living in the modeling world don't interest me much either. Some girl named Marissa (oh yes, they did that thing where they name a character the same name as another character's old character so that you can't call her that anymore) wh
o looks like Lindsey Price's little sister is all bitchy and flighty, and there's a drug dealer who couldn't tell that some girl was a cop even though I certainly could, and then there's that kid from High School Musical, which obviously didn't help matters... It's a mixed bag of crap, really. Squicky sidenote? The sight of Mr. High School Musical making out with Lyla from Dexter (yet another ingredient that couldn't help matters) was such a spectacularly disturbing and incomprehensible collision of horrible that I have to assume my seat in Hell would be just like this... watching that... "Bleck" doesn't quite do it justice...Anyway, this cast of largely boring characters stomp and bounce and scurry and flounce their ways (seriously, the walks were laugh out loud funny) through a ridiculous runway show that the executive producers (read Ashton Kutcher) of TBL (a term I use out of shortness, not hipness) hope will highlight the frenetic energy and glamour and intrigue of the backstage happenings... or whatever. It
was the most ludicrous runway show I think I've ever seen. Aside from none of these people being very model-y, since when is the signature look presented after all the girls have come back out in a line at the end of the show? I'm no expert, but the signature look is usually just the last dress to come down the runway and then all the girls come out with the designer at the very end. Again, maybe I'm just not as well versed in this as I should be, but I have never seen a show where the girl in the signature look just goes to the end of the runway and stands there like an idiot. Not that standing there playing with rose petals isn't... um... moving? or anything, but... yeah... Bad, bad, bad.So we're this far into a review and I still haven't mentioned Mischa's role in the show... that should probably tell you
something... She plays a model who basically threw her career away so that she could sneak off and have a baby or something. Again, I already don't care. Given as much care as she put into going off grid in order to keep the pregnancy a secret, maybe she shouldn't have a picture of herself holding her baby as the wallpaper on her cell phone! Oy... Saddest part of all? I'm pretty sure Mischa was the best part of the show. Ouch.Overall, this was a dud (just in case the subtle tone of this post so far was too subdued for you). A bunch of boring people leading boring lives. The worst part is that the show tries so hard to convince you that these are, in fact, extremely interesting people leading fabulous lives... I'm not convinced. Some of the clothes were kind
of interesting, but even then, if I want to see fabulous clothes, I'd rather they be modeled by characters that I actually care about (enter Gossip Girl, stage left--seriously, how fabulous is that white suit?). Gossip Girl is basically one big fashion show, but it's woven into the characters in a way that the clothes actually inform on the character. It makes it all a lot more interesting than pretty much anything TBL has to offer. I actually found myself feeling embarrassed for the actors who got suckered into this mess...Long story short, I won't be giving this one even a second episode's worth of a chance. The pilot was pretty bad (although, I think I liked it better than Melrose Place... what with the lack of Ashlee Simpson and all... wow...) and it's in a mercilessly crowded timeslot on Wednesdays, so I'm cutting my losses.
Speaking of cutting losses, the second episode of Melrose Place was even worse than the first. I spent the better part of the episode alternately cringing and fast-forwarding. The only reason I gave it a second week was because I had heard episode two would be much better... It was not. Ashlee is Sydney's long lost daughter! It's only the second week and the shark? It hath been jumped... several dozen times.
Rounding out the CW trifecta of mediocrity, The Vampire Diaries isn't great, but so long as Ian Somerhalder gets more screen time, I suppose I can excuse the
angsty teen relationship crap. Seriously, he's as evil as he is pretty. Don't mind if I do! Other than him, though? Meh... Best worst line from episode two? "We met, and we talked, and it was epic, but then the sun came up and reality set in.” Epic? Really? Ha! I'd be more critical, but leave it to a teenager to think that talking for a few hours falls into "epic" territory. Oy. (They keep using that word. I don'na think it means what they think it means...)Pilot Grade: F
