CBS FALL 2012: Schedule and Pilot Trailers

While other networks are struggling so much they have to cancel as much as they pick-up, CBS has the opposite problem.  When nearly every show in your arsenal is doing extremely well, it doesn't leave much room for new shows.  Admittedly, it's a problem ABC and NBC would kill for, but it actually does have its own downsides.  It reinforces CBS' reputation for being kind of old and stodgy and doesn't allow for much wiggle room.  As such, when CBS makes cuts, they end up cutting shows that have higher ratings than NBC's best performers.  On the up side, this level of success allows CBS to cut shows that are terrible, even if their ratings are good (a la Rob and Unforgettable).  It also gives shelter to excellent shows with lower ratings like The Good Wife.  CBS may get a bad rap for skewing older in the demographic, but on the reality show of networks, they're just haters who are jealous of CBS' success.  In this case, it's actually kinda true. 
At any rate, CBS is in extremely good shape at the moment, but they have a lot of aging shows that will need to be replaced eventually (sooner than later, if they know what's good for them).
Here's the schedule for fall:

MONDAY
8/7c How I Met Your Mother
8:30 pm PARTNERS
9 pm 2 Broke Girls
9:30 pm Mike & Molly
10 pm Hawaii Five-0

TUESDAY
8 pm NCIS
9 pm NCIS: LA
10 pm VEGAS

WEDNESDAY
8 pm Survivor
9 pm Criminal Minds
10 pm CSI

THURSDAY
8 pm The Big Bang Theory
8:30 pm Two and a Half Men
9 pm Person of Interest
10 pm ELEMENTARY

FRIDAY
8 pm CSI: NY
9 pm MADE IN JERSEY
10 pm Blue Bloods

SUNDAY
8 pm The Amazing Race
9 pm The Good Wife
10 pm The Mentalist

DEAD AS A DEAD DEAD:  CSI: Miami, A Gifted Man, How to Be a Gentleman, NYC 22, Rob, and Unforgettable.
All the dead weight they cut needed to be but and deserved to be cut.  They shant be missed.  With only a few new slots in the schedule though, CBS only has room for a handful of new shows for fall and I have yet to see much of anything for their midseason.  Here are the newbs:

PARTNERS

My Take:  As mentioned, it’s harder to evaluate shows that have a feature video rather than a traditional trailer, so bear with me.  Comedies are tough to parse in bite-sized pieces, but I think this show has some definite potential.  After the characters have actually settled into their roles and the story finds its feet, Partners could be a lot of fun.  The cast is exceptional (LOVE Michael Urie and David Krumholtz has the Whedonverse backing him) and the writing talent is responsible for Will and Grace, a show I quite enjoyed back in the day.  The set-up takes your standard “attractive people dating other attractive people” comedy and puts a bit of a tweak on it.  Not exactly reinventing the wheel, but hopefully the actors and writing will bring something fresh to it.  At the very least, everyone knows the trepidation of friends and lovers interacting, so in terms of ratings and reliability, it has a lot going for it.  The laugh track is going to be a real turn off if the comedy is anything less than gold, so they’ll have to really work for it, as HIMYM does.  Partners looks to be an ideal pairing for HIMYM, so even though ABC’s scheduling department appears to have dropped acid before throwing darts at the calendar, CBS actually seems to know what they’re doing.  All in all, this looks like a charming, if fairly conventional sitcom that should be good for a low commitment, easy show.  PS—500 points for naming the dog Elphaba.

Potential-O-Meter:  6.8


VEGAS

My Take:  Dear Vegas.  Justified, you ain’t.  I tried appreciating the nuances of the show and its concept, but by and large, seeing a rule-breaking cowboy in a hat just makes me pine for Raylan.  More so.  If I had to assess this show, I’d say I’m already kinda bored.  The mob, in general, doesn’t excite me.  As far as bad guys are concerned, they’re some of the least interesting (with more modern mobsters even less captivating that older ones).  I’ll make exceptions for shows like Boardwalk Empire, but even then, I’m not as intrigued as I am by other concepts.  The cast and production look solid, however, so if they can create a story that can bypass my biases, this could be a quality show.  Indeed, from what I’ve seen, this definitely looks like it could be a good show, just maybe not my show.  Michael Chiklis is awful, but I enjoy Dennis Quaid well enough (although the bad fake accent decreases my appreciation of him by at least 24%).  Overall, this behind-the-scenes vignette felt a little flat to me.  Maybe it’s my sensibilities, maybe it’s the show itself, but I’m far from taken with this show, its concept, and its cast.  I’ll give it a shot, of course, but I’m not hopeful.  I think it might be a hard sell for CBS, but who knows.  I don’t watch NCIS, so it’s hard to match up demographics, but maybe all those people who love NCIS will love Vegas.  Doubtful, but CBS has a good enough track record that I wouldn’t count it out.

Potential-O-Meter:  4.1


ELEMENTARY

My Take  Oy.  Dear America, please stop.  If I weren’t such a huge fan and devotee to the brilliant British version of a modern Holmes and Watson, I’m not sure how I’d react to this show, but seeing as I am, I’m annoyed.  Again.  American adaptations are almost universally inferior and unnecessary, so my knee jerk reaction is to simply write this off wholesale and go watch Sherlock instead.  In fact, that would probably be the best recommendation I could make.  Rumor has it there was a fair bit of scrutiny of this show for copying Sherlock hook, line, and inferior sinker, but the writers here very cleverly made Watson female.  On the surface, I have no problem with gender switches when adapting material.  It has worked a number of times in the past to great success.  But seriously, Joan Watson?  Man alive, you couldn’t have just given her an entirely different first name?  Cheesy.  Extremely cheesy.  Anyhow, strictly on its merits, it looks like CBS has taken a classic and turned it into a very typical, very uninspired crime procedural that probably has nothing to do with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle whatsoever.  That said, one of the executive producers has been involved with some excellent shows for HBO and Showtime, so hopefully he’ll bring a little something extra to the picture.  He’s more accustomed to working with pay cable though, so I’m guessing he’ll find the constraints of network TV to be stifling, not inspirational.  Were this on HBO, I’d have a much better feeling about it.  As it, not only does it have to try to live up to the superb British series, but it has to do so in a way that middle America will tune in on a network that won’t allow for any creative expression.  Yeah, good luck with that.  I don’t have high hopes.  Even if the show turns out to be pretty good, it will never surpass its predecessor.  Indeed, it shouldn’t be trying.  I like Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Lui a hell of a lot, but I think it’s going to be nearly impossible for the show to hold its own, even with a great cast.  We’ll see.  But I’m going to cite precedent on this one and assumethe worst.

Potential-O-Meter:  5.3

MADE IN JERSEY

My Take:  Yeah, no.  Good god, seriously, there have got to be more ideas out there for shows.  Here we have yet another lawyer show, about an young upstart who’s seen Legally Blonde a few too many times, making her way in the big city, blah, blah, blah, I’m bored.  Not only am I bored, I’m rolling my eyes.  A genre show can be a great show, but only if it brings something new to the table.  The Good Wife is a lawyer show on the surface, but it’s so, so much more than that.  With Made In Jersey, I see no such depth.  God, it’s like the network execs thought to themselves, “How could we make a show like The Good Wife, but that appeals to the masses more…  I know!  Throw in Jersey Shore!”  No, Phil (I assume his name was Phil).  That is a terrible idea.  Man alive, if I have to watch one more show where the experienced team members are blown away by the brilliant newcomer cracking the case, I might cry.  The fact that CBS has sentenced this show to Friday, after the fading CSI: NY implies that I’m not the only one with fairly little confidence in this show.  I’m fine with “the same old thing, only better,” but I have zero patience for “the same old thing, only worse.”  There was pretty much nothing in that vignette to recommend the show, so I think I’ll be sticking to my other networks for Friday night offerings.  CBS just doesn’t seem to want to try very hard on a difficult night (in their defense, they don’t really need to, but still).

Potential-O-Meter:  3

There you have it.  They only had a small handful of slots open to them and they decided to fill them with all that.  CBS, it's hard to argue with your business model given your sucess and your willingness to keep The Good Wife for me to enjoy, but this is a pretty disappointing slate for this fall.  Here's hoping that these shows are better than they look.

CBS Pilots 2011: Volume 2 (comedies)

Finally, we're in the home stretch, people. Two more pilots to discuss. I think we can all agree that it's about damn time.

Last up, CBS comedies. In general, CBS does very very well with their comedy ventures. Hell, the shows they cancel get better ratings than the shows NBC keeps. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean their comedies are fantabulous by any stretch. How I Met Your Mother had some good times, but their best is far behind them. The Big Bang Theory is okay in very small doses, but beyond that, it gets pretty old pretty fast. All the others are just painful, with Two and a Half Men taking the top spot among the awfulest of the awful. Which of course means that it had the highest ratings in town. Ugh. Hopefully Charlie's meltdown will take the show down as well.

To the heap of mediocrity and pain, CBS add two more ventures for the fall:

2 BROKE GIRLS

Description: Stars Kat Dennings (Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist), newcomer Beth Behrs, Matthew Moy (Scrubs), Garrett Morris (Saturday Night Live) and Jonathan Kite. Co-written by Michael Patrick King (Sex and the City) and comedienne Whitney Cummings.



First Impressions: Meh. The odd couple set-up, especially the social class odd couple is pretty standard and I've seen it all before. That said, it's a set-up that can work, though I'm not so sure that's the case here. This show seems hell-bent on incorporating as many pop culture references as it can rather than creating situations that are truly funny. Topical pop culture references have their place and can elicit a cheap laugh (the only line I thought was funny here was the crack about Paris Hilton), but all it really means is that the show won't age well. I don't know, these two actresses seem charming enough and maybe after some time the show will find its own unique voice, but from what I've seen so far, I'm unimpressed. CBS comedies are usually a miss for me and this one looks to be no exception. From what I've seen of viewer comments so far, most people will be tuning in to see Kat Dennings' rack, not the show. I'm not network exec, but that doesn't sound like a good sign. At least something is drawing viewers?


HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN

Description: Stars David Hornsby (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), Kevin Dillon (Entourage), and Dave Foley. David Hornsby (“It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”), Adam Chase (“Friends”), Ted Schachter (“The Invention of Lying”), Joe Hipps and Modi Wiczyk are executive producers for CBS Television Studios.



First Impressions: Was that... Murray? From Flight of the Conchords?! Well, this appears to be quite a step down. This is basically the same show as 2 Broke Girls, but with men. It's as though the same basic themes were presented to CBS and they decided to come out with his and hers versions. Um, yay? I'm feeling as lukewarm about this one as I was the other one, if not less optimistic. CBS skews slightly toward a more male audience and this show is pretty clearly geared at the guys' guys out there. I don't think I even cracked a smile while watching that trailer and Kevin Dillon is universally unappealing. It's not the worst concept I've ever heard, but the execution looks pretty poor so far. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is quite a pedigree to come from, however, so maybe the trailer simply isn't doing the show justice. I kinda doubt it though. As with so much of CBS's slate, I think I'll pass.

CBS Pilots 2011: Volume 1 (dramas)

Say what you will about the majority of CBS's programming, the network does very well for itself, people. Sure 80% of their shows are crime procedurals and spin-offs of other crime procedurals, but ratings point for ratings point, it's the most consistently stable network of the big four, and outside a few notable exceptions (mostly attention-grabbing reality competition shows on other networks), has the overall highest ratings in town. Seriously, when the main problem your network faces is that it simply doesn't have room for new shows (what with all the current shows being so successful), you must be doing something right.

I scoff at a big proportion of their programming, but then I have to give them a pass for sticking with The Good Wife. It's the best network drama on television and CBS knows it. It's ratings aren't on par with the real heavy-hitters on the network, but CBS knows that The Good Wife gives it something no other big four network has: critical acclaim. While cable programming has infiltrated and nearly taken over awards shows (at least in the drama department), The Good Wife stands as the lone hold out. I like to think of CBS as a big movie studio that makes obscene amounts of money on crappy blockbusters so that it can afford to take a modest hit on the quality films.

Whatever the reasons may be, America really seems to love its gory crime procedurals, so when it comes to fall programming, CBS has a delightfully small slate for me to take care of. Hell, ABC and NBC have basically overhauled their entire networks with more new shows this fall than CBS has had in the past five years combined. Ouch.

At any rate, here's the probable schedule for this fall (new shows in all caps):

MONDAY
8/7c pm How I Met Your Mother
8:30 pm 2 BROKE GIRLS
9 pm Two and a Half Men
9:30 pm Mike & Molly
10 pm Hawaii Five-0

TUESDAY
8 pm NCIS
9 pm NCIS: LA
10 pm UNFORGETTABLE

WEDNESDAY
8 pm Survivor
9 pm Criminal Minds
10 pm CSI [new time slot]

THURSDAY
8 pm The Big Bang Theory
8:30 pm HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN
9 pm PERSON OF INTEREST
10 pm The Mentalist

FRIDAY
8 pm A GIFTED MAN
9 pm CSI: NY
10 pm Blue Bloods

SUNDAY
7 pm 60 Minutes
8 pm The Amazing Race
9 pm The Good Wife [new time slot]
10 pm CSI: Miami

The only truly notable aspect of the new schedule for me is that The Good Wife is moving to Sundays. Many have wondered if CBS is trying to kill the show, but as far as I'm concerned, they're simply putting it on the night it always should have been on. I'm not sure how this is going to impact the ratings, but in terms of tone, I've always thought it should be on Sunday and certainly that it didn't fit with NCIS as a pairing. The Amazing Race gets amazing ratings, so from where I'm sitting, moving the show to it's new slot is a ploy to improve its ratings and keep the show alive for years to come. Here's hoping that's how it actually plays out. If any show is being set-up to slough off this mortal coil, it's CSI, which totally deserves it.

Anyway... On with the shows! Of note, there are a lot of things CBS does extremely well, but providing show trailers isn't one of them. They have a tendency to provide weird mash-ups of behind-the-scenes stuff and show clips. Bear with me...

Here are the dramas:

PERSON OF INTEREST

Description: Stars Michael Emerson (Lost), James Caviezel (The Prisoner), Taraji P. Henson (Boston Legal) and Kevin Chapman (Mystic River). From exec-producer J.J. Abrams (Lost/Fringe) and penned by Jonathan Nolan (The Dark Knight).



First Impressions: Well, shit. You can't ask for a better pedigree than JJ Abrams and anyone even remotely associated with The Dark Knight, so to say that this show should be good is an understatement. I think this is going to be one of the biggest hits of the fall. Not only does it have one hell of a creative team at the helm, but it fits with CBS's brand nicely, but improves on it. I think the only head-scratcher with this one is its scheduling. Thursday is a very big night for television, so that's right on the money, but it's lead-ins are a pair of comedies... the one just before it, a new comedy. That... doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense. But, when push comes to shove, I think this show will have enough buzz and momentum that it won't need a snazzy lead-in. I'm guessing CBS knows that. In terms of the actual show, I'm excited, but cautious. My only real apprehension is the tendency for CBS shows to be straight-up procedurals. I'm hopeful this show strikes the kind of balance that The Good Wife has with 60% serial, 40% procedural, unlike the rest of the network which errs on the side of 85% procedrual, 15% serial, if we're lucky. I've been winding my way through all six seasons of Lost over the past few months, so all I could think when watching this preview was that it looked an awful lot like Sayid would show up at any moment wondering who to kill next. Seriously, how do you trust Micheal Emerson at this point? Especially when he appears to be playing a slightly more mainland-y Ben Linus? Speaking of which, the ex-Losties certainly have done well for themselves in the coming pilot season. Just about every show has an alum (which might simply be indicative of the fact that over 6 seasons, every actor with or without a SAG card was on the show). Anyway, this is a high-budget thriller with a hell of a cast and crew and I can't help but to be excited. This show is in line with CBS, but appears to pack more punch than its usual serial-killer fare. Preventing crime isn't the most original bent in the world, but for CBS, a network whose bread and butter is found in the aftermath of horrific crime, it's pretty novel. I'm guessing it'll err on the more action-y, shoot 'em up, guy-centric end of the spectrum, but if it's done correctly, it could make for one of hell of a show. Sign me up.


UNFORGETTABLE

Description: Stars Poppy Montgomery (Without a Trace), Dylan Walsh, Michael Gaston, Kevin Rankin (Justified, FNL), and Daya Vaidya. Ed Redlich (Without a Trace) writes and executive produces alongside EP Sarah Timberman, EP Carl Beverly and writer/co-EP John Bellucci.



First Impressions: This was originally going to be called "The Rememberer", but that was kind of begging to get made fun of. I'm not saying I won't title the full review of the pilot with anything but "The Rememberererererer", but axing that title was a definite step in the right direction. That said, this looks wearily familiar and fits the CBS brand in a bad way. Where Person of Interest ups the ante, Unforgettable puts a very slight and fairly cheesy spin on the old routine. To be honest, I was so distracted by Poppy Montgomery's atrociously bad American accent that I probably missed a lot of the promo. I'm still trying to decide if maybe her character is supposed to be Australian or has a mother who is or something. Seriously, that's one of the worst I've ever heard. Which is strange, because the Aussies usually do a hell of a job. Not here. For what it is, it seems fine, I suppose. After you've seen 104 billion shows just like this, it's hard to be objective. It has all the cliches you'd expect and will cover the same ground, albeit with mostly different names. Kevin Rankin always does a nice job, but I have a sinking feeling he'll be playing second fiddle here, on a show which already looks pretty mediocre. Sad, really. At any rate, I'm not excited for this by any stretch, but it appears to be a competent production of the exact same show that people seem to love. Odds are it will do well, even if critics are bored to tears.


A GIFTED MAN

Description: Patrick Wilson (Little Children) stars as an ultra-competitive surgeon whose life is changed forever when his ex-wife (Jennifer Ehle, The King's Speech) dies and begins teaching him what life is all about. Julie Benz (No Ordinary Family) co-stars, produced by Susannah Grant (Erin Brockovich), Sarah Timberman, Carl Beverly and Jonathan Demme (Rachel Getting Married), who directed the pilot.



First Impressions: Well, first off, any show that starts off the title screen with a definition is already on my bad side (The Mentalist, I'm looking in your direction). Secondly, when it's a word that everyone already knows the definition of, you can officially bite me. Thirdly, if I have to see another show about a heartless surgeon learning to care about the little guy, I might just cry. Fourth (ly?), Julie Benz. Ugh. Fifth, I'm all for high-concept, but this just looks lame. Other than that...! Yeah, so this show isn't really grabbing me. At least not in any good ways. When it doesn't look completely cheesy or cliche, it looks painfully overwrought. The fact that CBS has this slated to anchor the night on Friday suggests that I'm not the only one who's underwhelmed by this one. It strikes me more as a bad Lifetime movie rather than a compelling series. My heart broke just a little bit to see Margo Martindale (aka, the indomitable Mags Bennett) attached to such a show. Oh, Justified. Did you have to kill her off? Yes, you did. But look at the fallout! In short, this looks like a disaster masquerading as a heart-wrenching, compelling drama. CBS struggles hardcore to incorporate shows that don't fit their model, and have had particularly poor results with medical dramas. Three Rivers, anyone? They managed to break into the lawyer genre with The Good Wife, but cops and lawyers are fairly well-connected in the end. Doctors? They really should stop trying. In case I'm being too subtle here, I'm not holding my breath on this one. It could be an amazing shows disguised as a cheesefest, but I'm doubting it.

CBS Upfronts: More of the Same

When it comes to CBS, there are generally very, very few surprises. They have a brand, and with a few rare exceptions, they stick to it. As sick to death as I am of crime procedurals and cop shows, it's hard to argue with their results. Network for network, they have the most consistently successful slate of scripted programming out there. Sure the network skews older in general, but when they end up canceling shows that get ratings other networks would salivate over (*cough* NBC *cough*), it's clear that their tactics are working. Seriously, they could have pretty much renewed their entire slate and it would have been a solid business decision. Not a sound creative decision, but alas, when was the last time anyone in network TV cared about quality anyways?

There were very few surprises overall. The only news that really caught my attention was the fact that The Good Wife is moving to Sunday nights (i.e. the night I've thought the show should air since day 1). I guess in this one sense, the network really did make a vote for quality over ratings. In terms of the key demo, The Good Wife has always been a little worrisome to me. Its overall numbers are great, but it certainly skews older. For this reason, there were some TV ratings watchers out there who put The Good Wife on the bubble. I guess if that's the only factor you're looking at, sure, that makes sense. In terms of every other factor, I was never very worried.

SHOWS NOT RETURNING NEXT SEASON:

• Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior
  I realize that procedual spin-offs are CBS's bread and butter, but seriously, if there were ever a show that wasn't begging for a spin-off, it was Criminal Minds. The show has been on for 6 years now and has basically investigated every conceivable type of murder. That said, I'm still a casual viewer of the original, but could never even kind of care about the spin-off. Forest Whitaker may be an award-winning actor, but I couldn't stand him. To boot, the rest of the cast was nothing to write home about either. Geez, never would I have guessed that the original was so popular because of the great ensemble cast, but here we are. This spin-off never really worked and it won't be missed.
  
  
• Mad Love
  Uh, was I asleep when this was on? I don't even remember it. I'm pretty sure I never even watched the pilot... Well, whatever it was, it no longer is.
  
  
• The Defenders
  I only ever saw the first episode or two, but it was harmless enough. On another network, its ratings might have given it a shot, but at CBS, it didn't stand a chance.
  
  
• $H*! My Dad Says
  I think I speak for all television bloggers when I think the gods that I'll never again have to type that title. Or see the show.

SHOWS THAT WILL BE RETURNING:

• The Amazing Race
  
  
• The Big Bang Theory
  
  
• Blue Bloods
  I have to admit, this was a bit of a surprise. With schedule real estate at a premium, this one could have gone either way. I think keeping it was a good call. The show itself started off strong, then got pretty lame and generic, but it holds its own in a very difficult timeslot (Fridays are no one's friend, not even Tom Selleck), so in spite of lackluster ratings, it was a good call to keep it.
  
  
• Criminal Minds
  It's long in the tooth, but I still enjoy it well enough. Even better? Our good friend JJ has officially returned (take that new blonde!) and odds are Prentiss will be back at some point as well. As far as I know, Paget Brewster's new pilot is a no-go, so she's available. It should be pretty bitchin' to see the other characters' reactions to her return from the dead. They could do a lot of interesting things with that. Still up in the air? Thomas Gibson is still in contract negotiations, so whether or not Hotch comes back next year is up for grabs. My guess is, he'll be back.
  
  
• CSI, CSI: NY, and CSI: Miami
  The unholy trinity will all be back, although CSI has been bumped from its cushy timeslot. Why, it's almost as though the brass at CBS have noticed that it and its ratings kinda suck.
  
  
• The Good Wife
  I've already sung this show's praises, but I can't tip my hat to CBS enough for this show. It's beyond shocking that a show of this quality exists on network TV at all, but the fact that it's on CBS of all networks is astounding. Who'd have guessed? And lest you're one of those people who think it's a show for old people or for Lifetime viewers who got lost, Todd VanDerWerff with AV Club wrote a wonderful piece on the show heralding it as a worthy successor to The Wire (aka the most critically acclaimed television show I've ever come across). He sums up the show's qualities far better than I ever could. Kudos, CBS. Nice job. Also, I'll probably never find the time to write up my thoughts on the finale, but I loved it. $7800? Worth. Every. Penny.
  
  
• Hawaii Five-O
  I gave up on this sucker, but apparently most people stuck with it. It's fate was never in doubt. Not that I follow this show or anything, but I hear that Masi Oka has been made a series regular for next year, in case anyone cares.
  
  
• How I Met Your Mother
  Oh, good god. This season actually started off very promisingly, but ultimately fell apart. By the time we wound down to the final few episodes, I was so annoyed and bored that I could barely keep going. I held on through the finale to see who was getting married (which they'd been teasing since the first episode, if I recall correctly) only to find it was Barney and... yeah, no, they didn't reveal who the bride was. Back in the day, these little teases and mysteries were fun. Now they just piss me off. I'm done, thanks. We're breaking up over the summer.
  
  
• The Mentalist
  I haven't watched this show in ages, but in light of the total lack of anything else new last night, I tuned in for the finale, having been promised that Jane would finally confront Red John. To my surprise, it was actually pretty entertaining. They seem to have realized that Jane was annoying as hell most of the time and have toned that down considerably. Most important though, Red John was played by Bradley Whitford, who is practically perfect in every way. The confrontation was quietly intense and the final moments were shocking, if not entirely surprising. Jane has been saying he'd kill Red John the minute he got the chance, so to see him follow through with that promise, killing a man in the middle of a mall, no less, was pretty dramatic. I'm actually pretty intrigued by how they're going to handle Jane's new status as murderer, so maybe I'll just swap out HIMYM for The Mentalist for a spell. See how that goes.
  
  
• Mike & Molly
  
  
• NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles
  
  
• Rules of Engagement
  
  
• Two and a Half Men
  Ugh. Even if Ashton somehow made this show 800% better, it would still be unwatchable. I still can't believe anyone watches this shit. I was very hopeful that Charlie's departure would signal the end, but instead, it simply put this crap factory in the media even more. Here's hoping it dies a swift death.
  

CBS Pilots: Changing things up a bit...

Not only is CBS changing things up a bit, but so am I. Rather than break up the CBS slate of pilots into two digestible blogposts, I'm just going put the whole magilla into one. What can I say, we're in the home stretch and I'm getting lazy.

CBS, however, is actually putting forth more effort than usual. Rather than simply spinning off their library of crime procedurals into even more crime procedurals, they've actually added some variety to their fall line-up. Oh, don't you worry, the bulk of it still fits into the standard TV genres, but at least it's not all from the same genre for once. Hopefully the success of The Good Wife is what bolstered their confidence, but really, I'm guessing it's the sagging ratings of their aging line-up that led to some toe-dips out of the box. Whatever the reason, it's a nice change.

Here is how the new fall schedule is stacking up:

MONDAY
7:00 pm How I Met Your Mother
7:30 pm Rules Of Engagement
8:00 pm Two And A Half Men
8:30 pm Mike & Molly (new)
9:00 pm Hawaii Five-0 (new)

TUESDAY
7:00 pm NCIS
8:00 pm NCIS: Los Angeles
9:00 pm The Good Wife

WEDNESDAY
7:00 pm Survivor
8:00 pm Criminal Minds
9:00 pm The Defenders (new)

THURSDAY
7:00 pm The Big Bang Theory
7:30 pm $#*! My Dad Says (new)
8:00 pm CSI
9:00 pm The Mentalist

FRIDAY
7:00 pm Medium
8:00 pm CSI: NY
9:00 pm Blue Bloods (new)

SUNDAY
7:00 pm The Amazing Race
8:00 pm Undercover Boss
9:00 pm CSI: Miami

Why CBS does some of the things it does in terms of scheduling, I'll never understand, but whatever. I realize that both NCIS and The Good Wife skew older, but I can't imagine it's really the same demographic of older. Their placement of Hawaii Five-0 also has me scratching my head. It's one thing for people to stick around after the god-awful, but shockingly successful Two and a Half Men for Mike & Molly, but it's quite another to think they'll stick around after that. If Mike & Molly is a dud, then a lot of the lead-out from Two and a Half Men could be seriously diminished. It seems like a risky move to me. I would have paired Hawaii Five-0 with a returning show directly. Whatever. I'm sure it'll do fine regardless (barring Alex O'Laughlin's showkilling abilities, that is).

Anyway, on with the show! ...er, shows!

HAWAII FIVE-0

Description: Stars perennial showkiller Alex O'Laughlin, Lost alum Daniel Dae Kim, Scott Caan (Ocean's Eleven), and Grace Park (Battlestar Galactica). The behind-the-scenes talent has changed hands a few times, but I believe they settled on Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to script a pilot episode, and Peter Lenkov (CSI: NY) to serve as series showrunner.



My Take: Well, first off, no one can seem to decide if that's a zero or an "o" in the title... I saw a tweet that CBS issued an official memo, but I can't remember what is said and neither can anyone else. I believe it's supposed to be a zero, but that looks awfully funny depending on what font you're in. Anyway... This is a remake/reimagining of the original series from the 70's. I have to admit, I have never seen even a single episode of the original, so I came into this latest incarnation without any substantial pre-conceived notions. Coming in blind generally helps more than it hurts because shows don't have anything to live up to or exceed in my mind. As such, the trailer was pretty solid and managed to pique my interest (for more reasons than the simple fact that Spike appears to be the baddie-of-the-week in the pilot--yay!). Unlike the majority of cop shows coming down the pike, Hawaii Five-0 seems to be taking the splashy, fun-loving, thrill ride approach, rather than the gritty, nastily realistic approach of its genre compatriots. It's a bit of a throwback to older buddy cop shows, which I guess makes sense, what with it being a remake and all. I wouldn't say I'm on the edge of my seat for this one, but it looks like some low-commitment, carefree fun. I've always liked Alex O'Laughlin, even if his latest career moves have been... uh... how to put this gently...? Okay, he's a showkiller, plain and simple, but I think the shows he's been on had already signed DNRs, so he's a mercy showkiller. I don't think anyone is going to miss Three Rivers... Hopefully, third time really is the charm for O'Laughlin's relationship with CBS. If ever a show he was associated with looked like it could break his bad streak, I'd say it's this. It looks a little shallow, but that's what most people seem to like. I'd like to believe that it's a serial, but I'm willing to wager it'll have a bad-guy-of-the-week and get wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow at the end of every hour. Sigh. If they do it right, that's fine with me. I've learned to accept the fact that most Americans can't bring themselves to follow a storyline for more than one episode at a time, so I've learned to enjoy encapsulated episodes in their own right. Long story short, this looks like a slick, expensive production with a solid cast. I've never watched CSI: NY, so in terms of showrunners, I can't really offer much of an opinion, but I think we can all thank our lucky stars that at least he's not coming from CSI: Miami. I think this show will do very well and just might have enough panache and budget to pull this off. I'll definitely be giving it a shot.


MIKE & MOLLY

Description: From Chuck Lorre (“Two and a Half Men,” and “The Big Bang Theory”), stars Billy Gardell and Melissa McCarthy (Sookie from Gilmore Girls, not True Blood (yeah, cause that wouldn't be weird at all)), and the resplendent Swoozie Kurtz.



My Take: Okay, wow. I shouldn't be surprised considering Lorre's other shows, but Mike & Molly looks absolutely terrible (The Big Bang Theory is okay, I guess, in small doses, but Two and Half Men is positively pestilent). I didn't even crack a smile during this trailer. I'm a little conflicted though because I keep reading things on the web that says the full pilot is actually pretty charming and funny. Based solely on what I've seen so far, I find this hard to believe. Near as I can tell, it's just going to be 23 minutes of fat jokes and lame relationship anecdotes. I love Melissa McCarthy and her comedic timing is unimpeachable, but I'm afraid the jokes she was given fell pretty flat. She tried, she really did, but it all just struck me as predictable, forced, and stupid. The only reason I will even be screening the pilot is because I have heard some good reviews, but I'll be absolutely shocked if it's anything but painful to watch. Honestly, getting through the three minute trailer was fairly difficult... Also, on a purely shallow note, I have a hard time watching unattractive people engaged in romantic relationships, and the guy playing Mike is thoroughly unappealing... Sookie can do better, methinks. Much better. In all honesty though, I doubt I'll be around long enough for it be an issue.


BLUE BLOODS

Description: Stars Tom Selleck, Donnie Wahlberg, Will Estes, and Bridget Moynahan. From executive producers Robin Green and Mitch Burgess (The Sopranos).



My Take: Man alive, exactly how many new cop shows and I going to have to watch this fall? At last count, I think we hit 17. The glut makes it difficult to really get excited about any of them at all. Anyway, I find that I'm even less excited about this one than most, but I can't quite pinpoint why exactly. There's something off-putting about police officers in general (police work and military experience are pre-existing conditions as far as I'm concerned and are not covered under my dating policy) and unlawfully brutal police officers are even worse. Seriously, just hearing Tom Selleck say the words "enhanced interrogation techniques" made me a little ill. Which, to the show's credit, is probably the point. They are trying to stir a debate into the nature of justice, which is commendable, but not exactly appointment TV for me. I'm not really on the fence in this particular debate, so hearing it discussed at length doesn't really appeal to me. Anyway, I don't suppose that's going to be the central aspect of every single episode or anything and it really does point to a deeper, more conscientious narrative construct than most shows. Maybe it boils down to Donnie Wahlberg and his total lack of any and all appeal... Sigh. I'm mildly intrigued by the multi-generational family and the dynamics of a "family business" of sorts, but I'm not sure this is a capacity in which I'd want to explore it. In spite of Wahlberg, the on-air talent is seasoned and solid. The creative team has similarly impressive pedigrees. I never watched much of The Sopranos, but I'm well aware of its sustained quality over the years. I think the problem here is that this creative team is moving from the freedom of HBO to the confines of primetime network TV. Gritty crime dramas have a hard time being reined in by standards and practices in general, but for a team like this, I think they're going to have a hell of a time translating their style to a more family-friendly format. My other concern is that this show is premiering on Fridays at 9 pm, so I think finding an audience is going to be difficult. CBS has a better track record with this timeslot than other networks, however, so if anyone could pull this off, it's them. I'm not all that excited for this one, but I can definitely see where it could be better than it looks.


THE DEFENDERS

Description: Stars Jim Belushi, Jerry O'Connell, Jurnee Smollett, Tanya Fischer, and Gillian Vigman. Created by a couple of people I've never heard of...



My Take: Okay, so when I say CBS is changing things up a bit, I mean in terms of the CBS network brand only. In terms of TV, yeah, no, they're just as pathetically "business as usual" as the rest of the airwaves. Sigh. Here we have yet another lawyer show. Dear TV Writers, there are scads of workplaces that would make for interesting show settings, but you only seem to think there are three: lawyers, cops, and doctors. If you could casually dip your toe into something, anything else, it would be greatly appreciated. Honestly, this is getting ridiculous. Anyway... this show is a legal show, but it's totally different, see, because it's told from the point of view of the defense! Sooo... not different at all, then? I don't know. It's hard to be objective at this point. This looks like your standard client-of-the-week lawyer show, but I suppose with a more low-brow edge to it than usual. It looks like it could be a fun, low-commitment show, but at this point, I'm so weary of this genre that I just can't bring myself to be excited about it. Really, The Good Wife is the only recent legal drama that has brought something new and interesting to the table, and that's why I love it. This doesn't look like a bad show or anything, and the two leads have an obvious buddy chemistry going that's appealing, but I just don't know that I really care. What aspect of the trailer piqued my interest the most? The fact that Natalie Zea was in it. She isn't listed as a series regular or anything, so I assume she's only in the pilot, which is a good thing for Justified's sake, but not such a good thing for The Defenders. I'm sure I'll end up giving this show a shot, but as with the deluge of cop shows, I find myself looking for something newer and fresher to explore. With legal, doctor, and cop shows? I'm pretty sure I've seen it all.


$#*! MY DAD SAYS

Description: Stars William Shatner, Will Sasso, Nicole Sullivan, and Stephanie Lemelin. From the creators of Will & Grace.



My Take: Yeah, you lost me at "Based on the Twitter sensation"... Ugh. While this isn't the worst comedy trailer I've seen this year, it's pretty damn close. This looks pretty awful. I actually quite liked Will & Grace back in the day, and the creative team has other impressive credits as well, so I'm not sure what happened here. Maybe it's the multi-camera format, maybe it's the oppressive laugh track, maybe it's the weak-ass concept, maybe it's the Shatner, but whatever it is, it isn't working. Geez, even Nicole Sullivan is awful in this, and I quite like her in general. As with most CBS comedies, I don't think this one is going to win me over. And, from what I've been hearing on the web, it won't be winning over anyone else either. It's a lame concept, with forced, predictable jokes, and an unsuccessful attempt at giving it some heart as well. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll pass.

CBS Upfronts: Bloodbath

I've never had a whole lot of stake in CBS (what with my attention to countless hours of crime procedurals proving less than compelling) and given that the only shows I actually watch on the network have already been picked up for next season, I wasn't exactly on pins and needles for their upfronts. Quite frankly, the only shows I watch on the network comprise the lion's share of the meager 3% of programming that isn't currently focused on combing through trash cans for body parts or zooming in on some tiny smudge on a surveillance feed and magically (and I mean that) clarifying the image so that everything is conveniently wrapped up in a nifty bow so we can start again next week (venting over... for now).

But wait! What's this?! CBS has canceled three procedurals!? I never thought I'd live to see the day... I don't know much about their fall pilots, but it looks like those procedurals won't be replaced by new ones (necessarily), so it looks like CBS may have finally broken out of the decade of procedural programming that it has clung to so desperately... by slashing their schedule. They canceled seven shows (most of which were long-running and well-established, to boot). That's a lot, trust me.

I honestly don't follow much of what goes on over at CBS and don't know a whole lot about the programming, so this more perfunctory than anything else. I don't even really know which of their shows is on the bubble... Accidentally on Purpose is really the only show coming to mind that I know may be in trouble. I just don't really care. Maybe if they have some awesome new pilots this fall, but right now? Meh.

One more quick note of semi-import: The fall schedule has been seriously revised. Granted, the only two shows I really care about stayed exactly where they were, but The Big Bang Theory has moved to Thursdays (I accidentally put Wednesdays initially--nope, they'll both be on Thursdays, anchoring the night at 7pm). Why does this matter, you ask? Well, it didn't until I realized that it would now be going up against Community. Not. Good. Community already has ratings struggles without the inexplicable ratings behemoth competing with it. Ugh. Anyway, I'm trying to move past it...

Henceforth, I'll cut the crap and get to the goods.

***SHOWS PICKED UP FOR NEXT SEASON***

The Good Wife
This is really the only show on CBS whose future I was ever all that concerned about and it was granted an early renewal several weeks ago. Yay! It really is one of the best shows on the air and if you haven't given it a shot, you really should. I know, I know, on the surface it looks like a Lifetime movie of the week, but in reality, its one of the best dramas out there. It's subtle and mature, but still completely engaging. It tends to skew older and female, but that's simply because the younger set hasn't given it much of a chance. I'm continually amazed at how many forum commenters cop to being 22 year old males. Such a great show. I'm all the more thrilled that it got an early pick-up because it's numbers over the past few weeks have been a bit discouraging. Hopefully word of mouth will create some positive buzz over the summer. Quite frankly, I think CBS finally realized that it needed to diversify its programming and brand name and took a chance here. (The fact that its current slate of procedurals has been slipping of late also may have helped. The trio of CSIs are showing their age and I think CBS knows it.)

How I Met Your Mother
Aside from the fact that this season has been downright painful to watch, I'm glad this show got picked up out of lingering loyalty. Seriously, the more episodes I watch, the more I wish last year's season finale had been the series finale. The show is stale, no one has anything interesting to do, and most damningly of all, we're nearing the end of the FIFTH SEASON and we still haven't met the effing mother! Ugh. I get closer and closer to breaking up with this one with each passing episode. Here's hoping they can get their acts in gear and make season 6 worth having.

The Mentalist
We all know how I feel about this show and I've heard that if you can't say something nice...

Two and a Half Men
Words simply cannot express how sad it is for humanity that this show still exists.

CSI/ CSI:Miami/ CSI:NY (the unholy trinity)
Oh yes, they'll all be back. Aren't you relieved!? Yeah, me neither. CSI prime is the only one I've ever really watched and even then, I couldn't care less that it survived. This past season has been nigh unwatchable (and that's saying something for a show that's always only been sorta watchable). As for the others? I know I could live without ever seeing David Caruso's pock-marked face again, but apparently I'm in the minority here. I want to say NY might have been on the bubble, but again, don't really care.

NCIS/ NCIS:Los Angeles (the unbearable duo)
More shows I don't watch and don't care about! Yay!

Survivor
...will, of course, be back. Ugh. CBS may have finally given some ground on the crappy procedural front, but have yet to give an inch on the crappy reality competition whateverness front.

Medium
The torture continues (meaning the show and Patricia Arquette's awards show wardrobe).

The Big Bang Theory
...which I type "The Big Bank Theory" every time I ever write it ever. I choose to blame that on my job's focus on tissue banking (which means that just one more way in which I can absolutely loathe it). I can only handle this show in the smallest of doses, but, it does have it's moments, so I guess I'm glad to see it back again. It has some of the highest ratings anywhere, so there was really no threat. But then again, we're nearing the end of the THIRD SEASON and we still have yet to see the big bank! Oh, wait... (If you didn't read the comments about HIMYM, that last bit doesn't make a whole lot of sense...)

Criminal Minds
I couldn't pick this procedural out of a line-up if I had to. I assume it has, you know, like, actors in it?

Rules of Engagement
I want to say this is a comedy (?)... a comedy that's terrible... and that apparently won't go away and die already.

***SHOWS THAT HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN AXED***

New Adventures of Old Christine
...will not be back. I've never even met someone who watches this show, so there's not really much for me to say. All I know is that Wanda Sykes was on it, and that's more than enough deterrence... I hear there's a chance (some say 50/50) that the show will move to ABC. I'll believe it when I see it (assuming I even hear about it--again, not a show I care about no matter what network it's on). I realize ABC doesn't have a whole hell of a lot going for it all of a sudden, but I still think this is unlikely. The only way this will happen is if ABC has an odd number of half-hour comedies and needs a filler.

Miami Medical
Arrived with a weak pulse, quickly declined, then flatlined. No loved ones were notified as no loved ones existed.

Gary Unmarried
Good god, who knew CBS has so many shows...?! I want to say this is another comedy? Oh, who the hell cares. It won't back, so too bad, you random handful of viewers, you...

Ghost Whisperer
Whoa, whoa, whoa, this thing was still on?! Well, I'll be damned, maybe communicating with the dead isn't that far fetched after all... Clearly, anything is possible. Or was possible. Finally, finally, finally, this crap pile has been sent to the grave. Or has it? In a truly bizarre turn of events, I'm hearing rumors that ABC is considering picking up the show... Annnd we're back to anything being possible. Even truly, truly horrible anythings. (In the interest of full disclosure, I've never seen an entire episode. Not that that should be seen as any sort of ringing endorsement, but I guess there's a chance the show got 8 million times better after I bowed out 10 minutes in... again, anything is apparently possible.)

Three Rivers
...died a long time ago, for the same reasons listed under CBS's other pathetic attempt at adding a medical show to their line-up (cough Miami Medical cough)...

Accidentally of Purpose
...seriously will not be missed. I barely made it through the pilot. Awful. Simply awful.

Cold Case
This was a show? I always kind of thought it was a subtitle to another show. You know, like Law & Order: Cold Case. Right? Oh, silly me, it might actually be on the air next season if that were case...

Numb3rs
I can't believe this show lasted this long. But, it has (sorry, had) a Whedonverse alum at the helm, so I'm glad it survived for however many years it survived (can you tell I was loyal viewer, or what). On the other hand, shows that do cutesy things with their titles deserve to die swift deaths, David Krumholz notwithstanding... It's about time he moved on to bigger and better things... that involve Joss Whedon... seriously, I'll take anything these days. (I assume everyone saw his episode of Glee last night, right? AWESOME. He needs to direct EVERY episode of Glee, that's all there is to it. For the first time in a long time, the story and the music melded together seamlessly. Well done, Joss. Well done, indeed.

CBS Pilots: The Good, the Bad, and the Alex O'Loughlin

Wow, CBS. Way to play the field... Only ONE new crime procedural?! I'm shocked! Although, given that that new crime procedural is a spin off of NCIS, I'm going to have to revoke all praise. Aside from that, I have to say that it is nice to see them at least trying to diversify their portfolio. Only one of their fall offerings really looks all that promising so far, but hopefully by fall they'll have a few more viable options.

In all honesty, CBS has never taken up much space on my schedule, so the bar is pretty high. I'm hopeful Julianna Marguiles can buck the trend, but it won't be easy. ABC has always had a better track record. As such, the write up of their fall season is taking longer than one would hope. Eventually, eventually...

Anyway, here's what CBS has planned:

THREE RIVERS


My Take: Right off the bat? I'd say Alex O'Loughlin and his legion of Moonlight-lovin' devotees deserve much better. This looks like your run of the mill medical show, no matter how much they try to dress it up as something new and unique. This time, it's organ donors, recipients, and doctors, see... Yeah, not so much. The problem with focusing on one aspect of medicine is that it tends to pigeon-hole a series. One of the reasons ER was so successful is that it didn't focus on any one group in the hospital. In any given episode, there could be surgical patients (including organ donation scenarios), ER cases (well, duh), issues revolving around recurring patients, nurses, police, paramedics, hell, even the desk clerks. Having that kind of flexibility and variety kept things fresh for years and years. It looks like this show is angling for a procedural type approach to a medical show, and I have to tell you, I think that's going to get real old real fast. By and large, I really don't think I need an entire episode devoted to one set of medical circumstances. I already don't care if that kid will ever play basketball again (and didn't really care the first 874 times I saw a similar storyline elsewhere)... Also, the earnestness (and borderline saccharinity) of the doctors seems pretty eye-rollingly overbearing. It's a shame that such a promising cast (hey, hey! I thought I recognized Shane and lo and behold, it's her!) ended up in a pretty mediocre-looking show. Annnd, it sounds like I'm not the only one who's less than impressed so far. Looks like the brass at CBS is planning to re-tool the show before it premieres and will even do a fair bit of re-casting. The premise isn't terrible, really, it's just been done (and done, and done, and done). I'm hoping the revamp can add some life into this seemingly lackluster show. It's got decent bones to work with (wow, pun SO not intended) and a very promising cast, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed they can turn it into something viable. I happen to know a transplant surgeon, and from what I hear of his schedule, it really could be become something gripping, a little more unique, and a whole lot better. Seriously, this doctor I know only sleeps every third day... If that's a profession-wide phenomenon, you can go ahead and schedule me for surgery the morning after the third day, thanks.

THE GOOD WIFE

The Good Wife Promo - Behind The Scenes
by SeriesNet

My Take: I'm quite surprised, and a little delighted to say that this show actually looks really good. It may just be the vintage ER fan deep within me speaking, but Julianna Marguiles is just wonderful. This could have been your typical legal drama, but she infuses every role with something very real and engaging. I know so many women who have mortgaged their entire professional existence in a similar way to Marguiles' character and I've wondered how these women would fare if something horrible happened. I know there are rewards to raising children (so I've been told at least... I'm still on the fence), but the thought of taking such a promising career in something you're truly passionate about and just putting it on the back-burner for 13 years is unfathomable to me. And yet, it's so often the case. Better than that the scads of wives out there who have little to no education and practically no work experience to fall back in case of the unfortunate. As you can tell, I'm not an advocate of putting all your eggs in someone else's basket... Anyway, it's refreshing to see a character really take charge of her life after something so public, so humiliating, and so overwhelmingly game-changing happens. I think Marguiles is going to do great things with this role, and with a supporting cast that boasts Matt Czuchry (say what you will about Gilmore Girls, the kid can hold his own--god, I miss that show!) and Christine Baranski, I think The Good Wife has a hell of a lot of potential. In all honesty, it's been a long time since I had a good legal drama on my slate (since, like, The Practice, I dare say) and I'm hoping this little number lives up to expectations. Add to the solid foundation and excellent casting a clear, yet restrained sense of levity, and I think we have a winner here.

ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE



My Take: Well, it's pretty much Knocked Up, the TV series, and I really, really, really hated Knocked Up... Granted, this doesn't look anywhere near as terrible as the film (what with the merciful lack of Katherine Heigl and the refreshing addition of a leading man who isn't utterly repulsive), but it's the same basic premise, only hopefully without all the same ridiculous trappings. What I hated most about the film was that the male characters were gross, unappealing, stupid, and useless and all the female characters where controlling, shrewish harpies. I don't know about you, but that's a whole lot of people I have no desire to watch (I still can't understand how anyone enjoyed that film even a little bit). Anyway, the cast here doesn't look anywhere near as repellant, so that's good, but the concept is still seriously lacking. Aside from just being a cheesy sit-com conceit, it once again begs the question of why she would go through with the pregnancy. For the sake of this show, I really hope they actually address that. Any woman who watched Knocked Up spent the better part of the film wishing to hell someone would either bring up the possibility of terminating the pregnancy or offering some sort of reason (anything!) that could explain why she's going through with it when it will undoubtedly uproot her life and ruin her career. I'm not saying there aren't viable reasons, because there totally are, but in Knocked Up, nothing is offered in any way, and it's ridiculous. I understand that the script was written probably entirely by men, and that that might not be as much of a consideration (at least that's the only explanation I can drum up), but for a couple who just met, have not chemistry whatsoever, and who DO NOT want a child, it's something even a male writer should have considered. Anyway, here's hoping this show has the brains to bring it up. I'm sorry this turned into a rant about a movie, but when the concept is this similar, the show has to be prepared for comparisons. In short, I already have a bias against this show, and then knowing that a child will be the focus of the second season (on the off chance it gets one), pretty much seals the coffin. Babies are the quickest way to ruin a show, so the good ones either avoid them entirely, or never actually have them as key plot points. This show has no such luxury. Blah.

NCIS: THE NEXT GENERATION (okay, so it's really NCIS: Los Angeles, but that's just no fun)



My Take: Never watched the first NCIS, no plans to watch this one. And if there's one thing I've learned about surveillance from Burn Notice, it's that it's boring. Seriously, when "surveillance snacking" is a square on our Burn Notice Bingo game (burn-o!), it's got to be pretty dull. So yeah, a show that's devoted to it? I'll pass. I've never understood why the original version was successful in the first place. What little I've seen has been pretty bad, if not extremely bad. Indeed, the only reason I've ever watched any of it is that I was stuck in a hotel room with nothing else on and no DVR to save me. Turns out, I should have just gone to bed. In spite of all this, knowing CBS, I fully expect you'll be seeing at least 3 or 4 dozen more spin-offs in the future. Maybe I'll give NCIS: Omaha a chance...

CBS: Standard Operating Procedurals

It finally happened. After spinning CSI off into every possible direction, CBS finally decided they'd spun it as far as it would go... we hope...

Apparently CBS (and the world at large) has finally had their fill of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, and Without a Trace (yep, that was spun off of CSI, in case you didn't know). Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not absolutely dying to see CSI: Boise or anything, because I think we're all gearing up for that one, but honestly, there are only so many ways you can tweak a procedural before it's overdone...

Or so one would have thought.

Yes, that's right. Although no new offerings of CSI are plaguing CBS's new fall line-up, two of the very few new shows slated to run are procedurals (because clearly CBS didn't have nearly enough). Quick TV lesson: A "procedural" is a show that involves a case or a mystery that is solved each week. The central A-plot of each episode (or series of episodes) revolves around the steps taken to solve whatever it is the characters are trying to solve. Shows like Criminal Minds, Cold Case CSI, and Law & Order are crime procedurals. A show like House is considered a medical procedural. Even Pushing Daisies and Veronica Mars could be considered procedurals in that there's a mystery each week to be solved. When you look at CBS's line-up, I kid you not, more than 2/3rds of the programming falls into the crime procedural category. And from looking at the new fall season, clearly they're trying to push that into 3/4ths territory... Yay... I can hardly wait... [Sarcasm sufficiently noted? Super, let's move on.]

Not that I hate procedurals, but they're completely overdone as far as I'm concerned. Between the family of CSIs and the brotherhood of Law & Orders, the amount of related programming at a wedding of the two would make a Bristow/Derevko reunion look positively sparce by comparison. It's kind of ridiculous, but here we go with two more charming additions to the bloodbath.

First up, The Mentalist

Per CBS:

The Mentalist stars Golden Globe Award nominee Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, an independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI), who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation. Within the Bureau, Jane is notorious for his blatant lack of protocol and his semi-celebrity past as a psychic medium, whose paranormal abilities he now admits he feigned. Jane's role in cracking a series of tough high-profile cases is greatly valued by his fellow agents. However, no-nonsense Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon openly resists having Jane in her unit and alternates between reluctantly acknowledging Jane's usefulness and blasting him for his theatrics, narcissism and dangerous lack of boundaries. Lisbon's team includes agents Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby and rookie member Grace Van Pelt, who all think Jane's a loose cannon but admire his charm and knack for clearing cases.

Hehe. Yeah, so he works for the CBI? Seriously? That's about as close to spinning him off into a CSI as they could get without actually doing so. Way to branch out, CBS. Anyway, here are a couple of clips to show you just how different and edgy this show is going to be:



Apparently the well of TV serial killers has all but run dry, because seriously? Red John? That's your bad guy? I can just see the writers' room: "Red Bobbie Ray? No, not threatening enough... Red Harry? Problematic on several levels... Red Rover? Red Baron? Simply Red? All taken... Red John it is!"

Anyway, to the show's credit, it has Simon Baker in the lead, and he's a pretty decent actor who could certainly anchor a show. Whether or not he's compelling enough to anchor this particular show has a lot to do with him, but much more to do with the show's writing. Having not seen an episode yet, it's hard to judge, but given that he'll have to overcome a hackneyed concept and the almost non-existent acting range of Robin Tunney, I defintely have my reservations. Oh, Robin Tunney. Just keep staring blankly off in to space, Sweetie. She's so bland. I really wish she just would have died off in the House pilot (she played the kindergarten teacher in the first episode), then this wouldn't be an issue...

Here's another clip that gives a bit more in the way of story direction:



In spite of the glut of shows in this particular genre, I'm a bit hopeful for this one. Simon Baker is charming enough and I'm at least mildly intrigued to see his connection to Red John and why he is who he is. It smacks of a more serious version of Psych, but I'm hearing it's actually takes a very different tack. The buzz around the show has been fairly limited, but pretty decent overall.

THE VERDICT: It all really depends on how much you love procedurals. It's by no means my favorite genre, but when it's done right, I can definitely get sucked in. For me, the balance of procedure and character development is key. I err on the side of more character, less step-by-step case solving, so when character development is limited, so is my viewing. I'll be giving this show a chance, but I doubt it will garner a reserved slot in my viewing schedule. I'll more than likely DVR this bad boy and watch it whenever I get an opening.

Next up to bat... Eleventh Hour

Once again, per CBS:

Eleventh Hour, from acclaimed producer Jerry Bruckheimer, follows Dr. Jacob Hood, a brilliant biophysicist and special science advisor to the government, as he investigates scientific crises and oddities. His jurisdiction is absolute and Hood is dogged in his pursuit of those who would abuse and misuse scientific discoveries and breakthroughs for their own gain. His passion and crusade is to protect the substance of science from those with nefarious motives. He is called in at the eleventh hour and he represents the last line of defense. Special Agent Rachel Young is the decorated FBI protection officer assigned to watch Hood’s back.

This show is based on a British series that starred Patrick Stewart, so right off the bat (note continued lame baseball cliches), I have to approach with prejudice. American imports are only very rarely any good and almost never exceed the quality of the foreign version. However, The Office managed to borrow from the Brits and turn it into one of my all-time favorite shows, which in my opinion, is even better than the British version (which set the bar pretty high). I'm not as hopeful for this one...

Here's a teaser trailer:



Not a DELICATE situation!!! Run! Anyway...

It looks like this particular procedural is taking a hint of the X-Files bent as it tries to retool an overworked genre... I'm hearing that the stroyline in this promo has actually been deemed too squicky for a pilot, so the show has been reworked and the events that would have appeared in the pilot will not appear in a later episode. Historically, NOT a good sign.

I do enjoy Rufus Sewell, however, so I'm trying to force myself to give this a shot. Now, while Sewell always does a great job, I don't think I've ever seen him NOT play a bad guy, so seeing him on the side of truth and justice comes as a bit jarring. Add to that the fact that he has an obligatory hot blond, played by the ever-imposing Marley Shelton to serve as protection, or whatever, and you've got an uncertain premise to work with. "Hi, I'm Bambi! I'll be your bodyguard/will-they-or-won't-they love interest. Just let me get my espionage boots on and I'll be ready for protectioning! Hehe!"

And then there's Marc "I suck the life out of every scene I'm in" Blucas. He made Buffy painful to watch and I don't anticipate any change here. He must have an uncle or cousin with some mob ties or something because I have a hard time seeing how he ever gets cast in anything. He was pretty decent in the episode of House that he was in, but he happened to be dying at the time, so it was unduly satisfying to watch.

And then there's the Jerry Bruckheimer angle. May God have mercy on our TVs. He's produced a few winners in his day, but did anyone see Pearl Harbor? I'd have sooner been present at the actual bombing than have sat through that dreck. It would have been considerably less painful. Oh, the humanity! His presence does not instill confidence...

Anyway, here's another clip to flesh out the experience:



The storyline seems weak and like they're imbuing it with a false sense of urgency and doom. They're really just trying a little too hard to be edgy and cool and it's coming off as creepy. And the whole "I'm the one they call when things go wrong" angle is always hard to pull off, so I'm fairly skeptical of this one. It's all been done, folks, and I'm just not confident that they'll be able to re-invent the wheel successfully.

THE VERDICT: I'll DVR it, but I'm not going to hang on too tightly. This one just doesn't strike me as having much staying power. I don't anticipate hanging in there past the pilot. This one just isn't grabbing me and what little buzz there has been isn't exactly glowing (not that it's terrible, but it merits no hype, that's for sure).

I'd much rather see the British version, quite frankly...



Patrick Stewart can pull off even the weakest of storylines. Rufus Sewell? We'll just have to wait and see.