CW FALL 2012: Schedule and Pilot Trailers

Not sure why, but neither NBC nor the CW offered up full trailers for their new shows when they unveiled their fall schedules.  Clips, sure, but no full trailers.  Ugh.  Well, the CW is finally starting to roll out actual trailers for their new offerings, but not all.  As such, this is a little incomplete.

Anyhow, the slowness with with they can assemble a trailer is the least of the CW's woes.  Aside from having the worst ratings on network TV (their ratings pale in comparison to most cable shows, in fact), their development slate last season was almost entirely a disaster.  Seriously, when a supernatural show penned by one of the writers of the most successful show on the network is terrible, you know you're in trouble.  Indeed, even with The Vampire Diaries as a lead-in, and Kevin Williamson at the helm, The Secret Circle was a truly awful show.  I spent the better part of the first season thinking that it might turn around ( the way TVD did), but it most certainly didn't.  The writing was bad, the concept was mishandled, and more than anything, the two leads had about as much successful chemistry as a pre-Walter White Jesse Pinkman (which, for you non-Breaking Bad people out there, is code for "none").  Seriously, I'm no fan of Britt Robertson OR Thomas Dekker, but even I thought they'd have more chemistry together than they did.  What a disaster.  Furthermore, rather than the writers of the show noticing  this and changing course, they kept on keeping on with the "they're destined for each other" storyline.  Long story short, even TSC couldn't survive and summarily cancelled.  Ringer, the other much-hyped pilot from last fall, was deservedly cancelled as well.

Here's the long and the short of the fall season:

MONDAY
8/7c 90210
9 pm Gossip Girl  (THE CARRIE DIARIES takes over in January)

TUESDAY
8 pm Hart of Dixie
9 pm EMILY OWENS, M.D. (formerly known as First Cut)

WEDNESDAY
8 pm ARROW
9 pm Supernatural

THURSDAY
8 pm The Vampire Diaries
9 pm BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

FRIDAY
8 pm America’s Next Top Model
9 pm Nikita

NOT RETURNING NEXT SEASON:  Ringer, The Secret Circle, One Tree Hill (sweet jesus, finally), H8R, Remodeled, and The LA Complex.

The CW still hasn't put out a trailer for The Carrie Diaries, but I'm already scared.  Gossip Girl is ending it's run midseason when The Carrie Diaries takes over, so odds are a trailer won't be forthcoming for a while.  Can't say I'm too heartbroken... 

Here are the trailers/clips that are available at this point:

ARROW

My Take: Well, this show has more than a few fairly overt Dark Knight elements and overtones, but hey, if you're going to copy something outright, may as well draw from the well of awesomeness.  I'm honestly not too familiar with the mythology of the Green Arrow comics, but it appears to borrow heavily from Batman lore.  Again, a fine choice of influences, but it also means that it'll be compared to it's predecessor.  A lot.  And it probably won't measure up.  Taking Arrow for what it is and trying to divorce it from The Dark Knight, this looks like a solid action adventure show with an interesting central mystery and modified mythology of its own.  Generally speaking, comic book heroes appeal to me greatly, but when translating to live-action, it has to be done right.  From the trailer alone, Arrow appears to have taken the concept from the comics (and other iterations) and transmuted it into episodic television successfully in terms of tone, cinematography, costuming, etc.  How well that will work in the long run is anyone's guess, but at least right now I'm not cringing at the cheesiness of his outfit or the absurdity of  the setting (*cough* The Cape *cough*).  That said, all I could think toward the end of the trailer was, "Awh hell, looks like someone brought a bow and arrow to a gun fight."  As far as weapons go, the bow and arrow have always been on the cool end of  the spectrum, but in a modern, urban setting it comes across as a bit silly.  Not as silly as I would have expected though, so that's a big plus.  I'm sure it's the kind of thing you'd get used to, but as ever with the bow and arrow, there's only so much one can do.  What happens when he runs out of arrows?  It's a pretty useless weapon at close range...   Anyway, it's derivative, to be sure, but if it's done well, it should be enjoyable.  It has a slightly different bent in terms of his origin story with the shipwreck and I think the writers could do a lot with that.  If they can present a compelling reason he's fighting for the little guy and if they play their cards right, this could be a serviceable superhero show.  All in all, it's more up my alley than most of the new pilots for fall and it looks to be well made and well cast.  Thievery aside, I must say, I'm kind of excited for this one.  It's certainly exceeds my expectations so far and even allays a few fears.

Potential-O-Meter:  7.5


EMILY OWENS, M.D.



My Take:  Speaking of borrowing liberally from other shows, good lord, seriously?  Seriously.  And no, that wasn't actually supposed to be a straight-up Grey's Anatomy reference, but hey, when in Rome.  This is pretty patently derivative and I'm not sure there's any way around that fact when reviewing.  Man alive, it's even the same specialty front and center.  What few elements aren't specifically Grey's in nature are cliches from every other medical drama you've ever seen, plus a dash of Mean Girls for good measure.  You've got the spate of new surgical residents who don't know what they're doing, the obvious budding romantic situation between resident and attending, the uber-competiveness, the Baily-esque Nazi, the voice-over, etc.  There are only a few minor differences and tweaks, but they're appreciated and will be the key to this show hopefully becoming it's own show at some point.  I like that our lead was a losery geek back in the day and the theme that we never really leave high school.  It's not much of a departure from other shows out there, but with Mamie Gummer in the role, it's pretty charming.  Mamie is delightful, so even with overly-familiar storylines, this might be an enjoyable little medical drama where you totally know what's going to happen, but you like watching it anyway.  The cast in general seems likeable enough, but I'm not sure anyone will really be able to stand out among the crowd of pretty people.  I think the show will be banking on the central love triangle with some random medical stuff thrown in here and there, which to be honest, doesn't have me chomping at the bit.  That said, I really enjoyed the first few seasons of Grey's, so many this show can capture some of that appeal.  In pretty much every respect, this is the same old thing, but it's an old thing that usually does pretty well on mainstream TV.  I review medical research proposals for a living, so seeing different specialties described in terms of different high school cliques made me smile, so with any luck, the show will find a way to integrate the "life is high school and high school sucked" theme in a new and fresh way.  Can't say I'm holding out too much hope for that, but that's the element that most appealed to me in the trailer.

Potential-O-Meter:  5    


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

 My Take:  Oh dear god, SO cheesy.  Like, eye-rollingly, wince-inducingly cheesy.  Apparently this is very loosely based on the '80s series starring Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman in lion make-up.  The beast for the modern era is basically a Calvin Klein model with a bit of a scar and a lot more brooding.  Ugh.  Yikes.  Wow.  This show is clearly hoping to tap into the tween girl fantasy zeitgeist of the past several years, taking a healthy dollop of Twilight and adding a sexy detective.  For a specific audience, this show could work, but as far as broader appeal is concerned, I'm already groaning and I've only seen 5 minutes of the show.  First and foremost, they seem to be pushing the romance between the two leads WAY too soon.  Again, tapping into the conventions of YA teen girl fiction, there's no build-up, only immediate pay-off.  Which, when the pay-off is immediate, there is no pay-off.  I think I'll have a hard time caring about these characters even in the long run, let alone the pilot.  This show has been paired with The Vampire Diaries on Thursday nights, and while I think there's a sizable segment of TVD's audience that falls into the very specific demo that Beauty and the Beast is aiming for, there's just as sizable a segment that won't care about this show one iddy bit.  Perhaps this show is hoping to do just what TVD did, taking a seemingly contrived tween love story and turning it into a kickass supernatural show, but as with The Secret Circle before it, I seriously doubt Beauty and the Beast will succeed.  I don't know.  I guess it's possible, and I'll certainly give it a few episodes to try, but TVD set the bar pretty high here.  On the plus side, the production looks good and it at least has some semblance of an over-arching mythology to cling to.  How well it will use said mythology is up for grabs, but I'm going to err on the "mostly disappointing" end of the spectrum.  The only aspect that really caught my eye was the fight scene when blood spatter hit the camera.  That was a nice touch and certainly against the grain for a show like this.  The damsely crap that followed was less impressive.  I'm sorry, why didn't she get her own ass off the railroad tracks?  Because the big strong man needed to feel useful, I guess.  Put her in actual, logical peril and it's fine to have some help.  Make her look like a dumbass who thinks she can outrun a train and we have a problem.

Potential-O-Meter:  4      


And that's it so far for the CW.  A mixed bag of mostly very familiar concepts and unnecessary voiceovers.  Yay.  Of these, Arrow is far and away the most promising, but as an anchor with no lead-in, on a struggling network, it's got its work cut out for it.

CBS FALL 2012: Schedule and Pilot Trailers

While other networks are struggling so much they have to cancel as much as they pick-up, CBS has the opposite problem.  When nearly every show in your arsenal is doing extremely well, it doesn't leave much room for new shows.  Admittedly, it's a problem ABC and NBC would kill for, but it actually does have its own downsides.  It reinforces CBS' reputation for being kind of old and stodgy and doesn't allow for much wiggle room.  As such, when CBS makes cuts, they end up cutting shows that have higher ratings than NBC's best performers.  On the up side, this level of success allows CBS to cut shows that are terrible, even if their ratings are good (a la Rob and Unforgettable).  It also gives shelter to excellent shows with lower ratings like The Good Wife.  CBS may get a bad rap for skewing older in the demographic, but on the reality show of networks, they're just haters who are jealous of CBS' success.  In this case, it's actually kinda true. 
At any rate, CBS is in extremely good shape at the moment, but they have a lot of aging shows that will need to be replaced eventually (sooner than later, if they know what's good for them).
Here's the schedule for fall:

MONDAY
8/7c How I Met Your Mother
8:30 pm PARTNERS
9 pm 2 Broke Girls
9:30 pm Mike & Molly
10 pm Hawaii Five-0

TUESDAY
8 pm NCIS
9 pm NCIS: LA
10 pm VEGAS

WEDNESDAY
8 pm Survivor
9 pm Criminal Minds
10 pm CSI

THURSDAY
8 pm The Big Bang Theory
8:30 pm Two and a Half Men
9 pm Person of Interest
10 pm ELEMENTARY

FRIDAY
8 pm CSI: NY
9 pm MADE IN JERSEY
10 pm Blue Bloods

SUNDAY
8 pm The Amazing Race
9 pm The Good Wife
10 pm The Mentalist

DEAD AS A DEAD DEAD:  CSI: Miami, A Gifted Man, How to Be a Gentleman, NYC 22, Rob, and Unforgettable.
All the dead weight they cut needed to be but and deserved to be cut.  They shant be missed.  With only a few new slots in the schedule though, CBS only has room for a handful of new shows for fall and I have yet to see much of anything for their midseason.  Here are the newbs:

PARTNERS

My Take:  As mentioned, it’s harder to evaluate shows that have a feature video rather than a traditional trailer, so bear with me.  Comedies are tough to parse in bite-sized pieces, but I think this show has some definite potential.  After the characters have actually settled into their roles and the story finds its feet, Partners could be a lot of fun.  The cast is exceptional (LOVE Michael Urie and David Krumholtz has the Whedonverse backing him) and the writing talent is responsible for Will and Grace, a show I quite enjoyed back in the day.  The set-up takes your standard “attractive people dating other attractive people” comedy and puts a bit of a tweak on it.  Not exactly reinventing the wheel, but hopefully the actors and writing will bring something fresh to it.  At the very least, everyone knows the trepidation of friends and lovers interacting, so in terms of ratings and reliability, it has a lot going for it.  The laugh track is going to be a real turn off if the comedy is anything less than gold, so they’ll have to really work for it, as HIMYM does.  Partners looks to be an ideal pairing for HIMYM, so even though ABC’s scheduling department appears to have dropped acid before throwing darts at the calendar, CBS actually seems to know what they’re doing.  All in all, this looks like a charming, if fairly conventional sitcom that should be good for a low commitment, easy show.  PS—500 points for naming the dog Elphaba.

Potential-O-Meter:  6.8


VEGAS

My Take:  Dear Vegas.  Justified, you ain’t.  I tried appreciating the nuances of the show and its concept, but by and large, seeing a rule-breaking cowboy in a hat just makes me pine for Raylan.  More so.  If I had to assess this show, I’d say I’m already kinda bored.  The mob, in general, doesn’t excite me.  As far as bad guys are concerned, they’re some of the least interesting (with more modern mobsters even less captivating that older ones).  I’ll make exceptions for shows like Boardwalk Empire, but even then, I’m not as intrigued as I am by other concepts.  The cast and production look solid, however, so if they can create a story that can bypass my biases, this could be a quality show.  Indeed, from what I’ve seen, this definitely looks like it could be a good show, just maybe not my show.  Michael Chiklis is awful, but I enjoy Dennis Quaid well enough (although the bad fake accent decreases my appreciation of him by at least 24%).  Overall, this behind-the-scenes vignette felt a little flat to me.  Maybe it’s my sensibilities, maybe it’s the show itself, but I’m far from taken with this show, its concept, and its cast.  I’ll give it a shot, of course, but I’m not hopeful.  I think it might be a hard sell for CBS, but who knows.  I don’t watch NCIS, so it’s hard to match up demographics, but maybe all those people who love NCIS will love Vegas.  Doubtful, but CBS has a good enough track record that I wouldn’t count it out.

Potential-O-Meter:  4.1


ELEMENTARY

My Take  Oy.  Dear America, please stop.  If I weren’t such a huge fan and devotee to the brilliant British version of a modern Holmes and Watson, I’m not sure how I’d react to this show, but seeing as I am, I’m annoyed.  Again.  American adaptations are almost universally inferior and unnecessary, so my knee jerk reaction is to simply write this off wholesale and go watch Sherlock instead.  In fact, that would probably be the best recommendation I could make.  Rumor has it there was a fair bit of scrutiny of this show for copying Sherlock hook, line, and inferior sinker, but the writers here very cleverly made Watson female.  On the surface, I have no problem with gender switches when adapting material.  It has worked a number of times in the past to great success.  But seriously, Joan Watson?  Man alive, you couldn’t have just given her an entirely different first name?  Cheesy.  Extremely cheesy.  Anyhow, strictly on its merits, it looks like CBS has taken a classic and turned it into a very typical, very uninspired crime procedural that probably has nothing to do with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle whatsoever.  That said, one of the executive producers has been involved with some excellent shows for HBO and Showtime, so hopefully he’ll bring a little something extra to the picture.  He’s more accustomed to working with pay cable though, so I’m guessing he’ll find the constraints of network TV to be stifling, not inspirational.  Were this on HBO, I’d have a much better feeling about it.  As it, not only does it have to try to live up to the superb British series, but it has to do so in a way that middle America will tune in on a network that won’t allow for any creative expression.  Yeah, good luck with that.  I don’t have high hopes.  Even if the show turns out to be pretty good, it will never surpass its predecessor.  Indeed, it shouldn’t be trying.  I like Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Lui a hell of a lot, but I think it’s going to be nearly impossible for the show to hold its own, even with a great cast.  We’ll see.  But I’m going to cite precedent on this one and assumethe worst.

Potential-O-Meter:  5.3

MADE IN JERSEY

My Take:  Yeah, no.  Good god, seriously, there have got to be more ideas out there for shows.  Here we have yet another lawyer show, about an young upstart who’s seen Legally Blonde a few too many times, making her way in the big city, blah, blah, blah, I’m bored.  Not only am I bored, I’m rolling my eyes.  A genre show can be a great show, but only if it brings something new to the table.  The Good Wife is a lawyer show on the surface, but it’s so, so much more than that.  With Made In Jersey, I see no such depth.  God, it’s like the network execs thought to themselves, “How could we make a show like The Good Wife, but that appeals to the masses more…  I know!  Throw in Jersey Shore!”  No, Phil (I assume his name was Phil).  That is a terrible idea.  Man alive, if I have to watch one more show where the experienced team members are blown away by the brilliant newcomer cracking the case, I might cry.  The fact that CBS has sentenced this show to Friday, after the fading CSI: NY implies that I’m not the only one with fairly little confidence in this show.  I’m fine with “the same old thing, only better,” but I have zero patience for “the same old thing, only worse.”  There was pretty much nothing in that vignette to recommend the show, so I think I’ll be sticking to my other networks for Friday night offerings.  CBS just doesn’t seem to want to try very hard on a difficult night (in their defense, they don’t really need to, but still).

Potential-O-Meter:  3

There you have it.  They only had a small handful of slots open to them and they decided to fill them with all that.  CBS, it's hard to argue with your business model given your sucess and your willingness to keep The Good Wife for me to enjoy, but this is a pretty disappointing slate for this fall.  Here's hoping that these shows are better than they look.

ABC FALL 2012: Schedule and Pilot Trailers

Still struggling with Blogger.  Bear with me.

While NBC is clearly the bottom of the Big Four barrel, ABC has been nipping at their heels for some time now.  Last season seemed to be a turn in the tide  though with the successes of Once Upon a Time, Revenge, Happy Endings, Scandal, etc.  As such, they don't have as many shows coming this fall, but they have a hell of a lot slated for midseason (a bridge which will be crossed at a later date). 

In a season where there have been hardly any surprise pick-ups or unjust cancellations, ABC is right in the middle, once again.  The only real note of interest is that Cougar Town was cancelled by ABC, only to be picked up by TBS, which should prove a much better fit.  That said, looking at the horror that is ABC's new comedy slate, they should have held onto Cougar Town with both hands and a foot.  In  terms of scheduling, the biggest news is that Revenge is moving to Sundays.  I think that's a better fit in terms of tone, but in terms of being opposite The Good Wife, I'm less than thrilled.

Here's the full fall schedule:

MONDAY
8/7c Dancing With the Stars/The Bachelor (in January)
10 pm Castle

TUESDAY
8 pm DWTS Results
9 Happy Endings
9:30 pm Don’t Trust the B—– In Apartment 23
10 pm Private Practice

In January
8 pm HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
8:30 THE FAMILY TOOLS

WEDNESDAY

8 pm The Middle
8:30 pm Suburgatory
9 pm Modern Family
9:30 THE NEIGHBORS
10 pm NASHVILLE

THURSDAY
8 pm LAST RESORT
9 pm Grey’s Anatomy
10 pm Scandal

FRIDAY
8 pm Shark Tank
9 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?
10 pm 20/20

In November
8 pm Last Man Standing
8:30 pm MALIBU COUNTRY
9 pm Shark Tank
10 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?

SUNDAY

8 pm Once Upon a Time 

9 pm Revenge
10 pm 666 PARK AVENUE

NOT RETURNING NEXT SEASON: Charlie’s Angels, TBS-bound Cougar Town, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, GCB, Man Up, Missing, Pan Am, The River and Work It

THE NEIGHBORS 

My Take:  Oh my holy god, are you effing kidding me?!  Wow.  Just wow.  This looks like a really bad idea for a family-friendly Disney made-for-TV movie that somehow got turned into a comedy on ABC.  I… have no words.  Seriously, how on earth is this going to be an ongoing series?  The 2 minute trailer was painful on its own.  I’m sure ABC is banking on Modern Family to buoy the show’s ratings (as they’ve banked on for every other comedy to have debuted in the last 3 years), but I don’t think there’s anything that can save this.  If I had to actually assess the show (and it pains me to do so), I’d say the cast is charmless and the conceit is oppressive.  There is no possible way to have any real heart or story arc in a show that revolves around a family that moved into a neighborhood full of aliens.  The gags employed in the 2 minute trailer will undoubtedly be employed every few minutes during every single episode because there’s really nothing else there.  I can’t believe this got picked up and I really can’t believe ABC is wasting the plum post-Modern Family slot on this.  I’m almost morbidly curious here.  Surely there was something ABC saw in this, right?
Potential-O-Meter:  About 10 points south of “If I had to watch this show on a regular basis, I’d shoot myself”.


NASHVILLE 


My Take:  For as off-putting and unappealing as country music and Hayden Panettiere are, this actually looks like a pretty solid production with a good base conceit and a great cast (cheerleader notwithstanding).  I adore Connie Britton and I have a feeling she could carry just about any show, even if its basic concept doesn’t really speak to me.  It’s a serial, to be sure, so that wins it some points, but again… Hayden Panettiere…  [insert cold shudder]  To be fair, she’s playing an utterly loathsome character, so it shouldn’t be too hard to translate my hatred into even more hatred.  My main concern is that the show will want me to love her at some point and I’m just not sure I can do that.  For the better part of Heroes, I was more than happy with letting the world explode or melt or whatever it was going to do if it meant that we could stop saving the effing cheerleader.  Anyhow, aside from some conceptual aspects that don’t really get me salivating, it looks like it could be an excellent drama.  Again, Connie Britton can pretty much do no wrong and I’m excited to see her back on TV, doing something other than giving birth to a demon.  In my heart of hearts, I’m hoping the approach of this show will be a lot like The Good Wife in terms of focus.  Connie is the star and the rest of the actors are peripheral.  Should they try to skew younger and make Hayden more central, I might just have to tune out.  Given that it will be premiering after the abomination that is The Neighbors, I suspect I won’t be the only one.  That’s a nasty timeslot and I think the show will suffer for it.
Potential-O-Meter:  6.5


LAST RESORT 

My Take:  When the trailer began, I was fully expecting a “we’re the best of the best and we take no prisoners” blah, blah, blah, but it actually turned in a direction I didn’t expect (a fairly ridiculous direction, to be sure, but still different).  It really sounds a bit more like a summer movie than a series at this point, but it really depends on where they take it.  If the show focuses on the reasons behind the attempted sinking of the submarine, looks at the people and the politics that make such decisions, etc, I think this could be more grounded and interesting than the Michael Bay overtones would suggest.  If nothing else, it’s not very often you run across a show about the crew of a submarine, so at least it’s something off the beaten path (although it seems they’ll be creating a new society on an island, or something, so who the hell knows).  The cast is entirely too young and pretty to be believable as nuclear submarine anythings, really, but so it goes in Hollywood.  The cast and production look pretty solid, even if the story is up for grabs.  It all had a not-so-vague resemblance to The Rock, but that’s all part and parcel of the whole action show gig. All in all, I think this one could go either way.  I’m not exactly chomping at the bit, but if the writers really focus on the drama and politics of their situation rather than the promise of explosions and gun play, this could be a viable contender (or total guilty pleasure).
Potential-O-Meter:  5.5

MALIBU COUNTRY

My Take:  Okay, seriously, what the hell is ABC thinking with their new comedies this season?!  Good lord, this looks painful.  I never watched Reba for a number of reasons, and now they seem to have taken all those reasons, multiplied them by 37 and made a new sitcom out of them.  Ugh.  Well, I guarantee that this piece of shit isn’t my cup of tea, but I can see where any number of people might enjoy it.  It’s being paired with Last Man Standing, which is also horrendous, so odds are they’ll share a fair bit of the same kinds of viewers.  It’s a sub-par family sitcom with a painfully abused laugh track that will probably pair splendidly with a show like Last Man Standing.  The only point of interest in the trailer was the nearly unrecognizable Sara Rue, for whom blondness and weight loss seem to be in direct correlation.  At the end of the day, this looks like a low-budget, poorly produced steaming pile of cliché that I’ll be avoiding at all costs.  Surely there were better comedy pilots out there.  Surely.
Potential-O-Meter:  The theoretical temperature at which entropy reaches its minimum value.

666 PARK AVENUE

My Take:  I honestly have no idea what this show is actually about.  At the same time, I think it easily has the most potential of any of ABC’s fall offerings.  My sensibilities tend more toward supernatural than horror, but it looks like this show might have a nice blend.  The trailer doesn’t really tell me much about what to really expect on an episode to episode basis, but I think they’ve left a lot of room for the show to explore and a great basis for their own mythology.  The “haunted house/mansion/hotel” is a mainstay of fiction that doesn’t generally appeal to me much, but 666 Park Avenue has a great look to it and a captivating visual language.  I’m not really sure what I’ll be getting myself into with this one, but I’m pretty intrigued to give it a shot.  Depending on the narrative approach and main focus of the show, it could be a fine or illogical pairing for Revenge, which has been moved to Sundays (aka the day it should have been on all along), but only time will tell.  Even though I have pretty much nothing to go on but a few vague notions, my interest is piqued.
Potential-O-Meter:  7.5

There you have it, kiddies.  It's a pretty mixed bag for ABC.  I don't know who is in charge of their comedy development department, but sweet Jesus, they need to be fired immediately.  The dramas have some potential, but that's about it.  I'm guessing both comedies will come and go quickly, which might be why they have so much in store for midseason.  Fearing the worst.

FOX FALL 2012: Schedule and New Pilot Trailers

Lord help me, I'm going to try to include embedded videos for the new show trailers. Given that Blogger has decided to plumb the depths of craptacularity just in time for Upfront season, I'm not holding my breath here. Come onnnn, HTML editor! You can do it!

Again, not a lot of surprises this year in terms of pick-ups and cancellations. The only shows there were even kind of up in the air were Alcatraz (which I thought might get a Friday night reprieve, paired with Fringe) and The Finder, whose ratings were bad, but whose association with Bones might have given it an edge. At the end of the day, I figured both would be cancelled, and I was right. I thought Touch would get the axe as well, truth be told, but it's been pushed to Friday, so it's only a matter of time. 

Here's the schedule for fall:

MONDAY

8/7c Bones

9 pm THE MOB DOCTOR

TUESDAY

8 pm Raising Hope

8:30 pm BEN AND KATE

9 pm New Girl

9:30 pm THE MINDY PROJECT

WEDNESDAY

8 The X Factor

THURSDAY

8 pm The X Factor (Results Show)

9 pm Glee

FRIDAY

8 pm Touch

9 pm Fringe

SUNDAY

8 pm The Simpsons

8:30 pm Bob’s Burgers

9 pm Family Guy

9:30 pm American Dad

NOT RETURNING NEXT SEASON: Alcatraz, Allen Gregory, Breaking In, The Finder, I Hate My Teenage Daughter, Napoleon Dynamite and Terra Nova.

Scheduling notes: Glee has moved to Thursday, as a result of its ever-decreasing ratings, methinks. Tuesday night is now all comedy (hoping to replicate their success on Sundays, no doubt), with the new shows peppered in between consistent performers. Say what you will about Fox, their scheduling strategies make a lot more sense than most networks. That said, I think Touch is going to die on Fridays right along Fringe's final season.

Here are the new pilots for next season (fingers crossed that this actually works) and a corresponding Potential-O-Meter score regarding how excited I am about it, how well I think it will do, how much longevity I think it has, etc.  (0 being that cross-dressing CBS comedy from last season, 10 being Justified or The Good Wife):

THE MOB DOCTOR

My Take:  You know, at first blush (i.e. the first 20 seconds of the trailer), I was ready to write this off as your typical “I’m a doctor with a bizarre/special/unique/quirky attribute who can save people better than anyone else” kinda show, but as the trailer went on, I actually became somewhat intrigued.  I assumed it would be your standard medical procedural (yawn), but it actually looks to be far more serialized than that and with much higher stakes.  To boot, said stakes are pretty unconventional.  Mobsters in general aren’t my cup of tea (which I literally just wrote “cup o tea” and almost left it that way), but the show seems to have integrated them in a more creative way than usual.  I can’t say I’m over the moon for this one or that I think it has much chance of longevity, but serials get my full attention and are granted the most leeway.  I like Jordana Spiro well enough and think she could anchor the show adequately.  I loathe Michael Rappaport, however, so hopefully he’s a more minor player.  At the very least, he doesn’t appear to be a potential love interest for Spiro, so that wins the show about a million points.  Were they to head in that direction, I’d be heading in the opposite direction.

Potential-O-Meter:  5.5 


BEN & KATE

My Take:  Aside from the innate prejudice I have about couples named Ben and Kate (there are a truly disturbing number out there, it seems), this show looks pleasant.  Not uproariously funny or anything, but pleasant enough.  In terms of comedies out there, it does err on the side of “train wreck guy, high strung girl”, but it seems to have more heart about it.  I can’t say I see where a long term storyline could develop here, but the show seems charming enough that I’m willing to see what they can do.  There’s something appealing about a brother and sister banding together for the greater good and forming an unconventional family for that little girl.  In a world with a hell of a lot of deadbeat dads, I find this angle pretty damn charming, even if I’ll need to see more before judging longevity potential.  So long as the show doesn’t bank on “he’s an idiot” too much, they could really make this work.  From the trailer alone, it looks like they’ll definitely need to flesh out the supporting cast though.  A little girl and an eccentric friend just aren’t going to do it.

Potential-O-Meter:  6 


THE MINDY PROJECT

My Take:  I like Mindy Kaling quite a lot, but I’m not sure I can handle yet another “she’s a disaster looking for love in all the wrong places” comedy.  To be fair, I think Mindy can pull off such a show better than most, but the conceit wore thin about 800 iterations ago.  I’m really torn.  The cast looks great, the writing team can’t be beat, but seriously, the concept is a total turn off.  If her love woes weren’t cliché enough, she’s also a doctor.  I did not see that coming.  My mind is blown.  Ugh.  The trailer had some funny moments, but it had just as many eye-rollingly hackneyed moments as well.  I’ll certainly give it a shot, but I’m definitely on the fence with this one.  I would really have loved to have seen Mindy at the helm of something really fresh and original, but instead, she’s pretty much just playing herself playing every girl I’ve seen in every irritating romantic comedy for the past 20 years.  Not exactly in my wheelhouse…  That said, it’s being paired with New Girl and has enough of an Office pedigree that I think it will do really well.

Potential-O-Meter:  5 


THE FOLLOWING (midseason)

My Take:  Maybe I’ve seen too much TV, maybe I’ve seen too many episodes of Criminal Minds, or maybe I’ve just grown weary of crime shows in general, but in spite of some interesting ideas, a great cast, and the fact that it’s not a story-of-the-week procedural, I just can’t seem to get excited about this one.  It all just seems too familiar to really grab me.  Seriously, this is like every third episode of Criminal Minds plus a healthy dollop of cinematic psychological thriller.  Objectively, it actually looks really good.  Not the most original show I’ve ever seen, but it certainly raises the bar well above its genre competitors.  Kevin Bacon seems well suited to the role and James Purefoy is always great.  I’m not sure I can handle yet another show where all I can think is, “Oh, for hell’s sakes, Winona,” but I’ll certainly try.  The dynamic between Bacon and Winona (aka Natalie Zea) could be interesting… or totally ridiculous… but it’s enough to have me intrigued.  Odds are this won’t bring a whole lot of new facets to an old routine, but in general, I enjoy the old routine well enough to give this one a shot.  Again, it’s a serial (no pun intended), so even if it’s less than unique, I’ll give it some slack.

Potential-O-Meter:  6 


THE GOODWIN GAMES  (midseason)

My Take:  Well, I’ll be damned, I’m intrigued.  Even in spite of the Becky Newton of it all.  Seriously, had I not recently grown to dislike her immensely and shake my head disapprovingly at her acting ability, I think I’d be even more interested in the show than I already am.  Having watched as much TV as I have, I’m a total sucker for a unique concept, and this one comes pretty damn close.  Sure it borrows themes and elements of other shows, but all together, it looks like a charming take on the “kids coming back together as adults” motif (although to be honest, it’s a motif I always really enjoy, so even if it were half as promising, I’d still be interested).  It might just be my love of that episode of Friends where they play Ross’ trivia game about each other in order to win the apartment, but hey, I’ll take it.  It also kind of has a Royal Tennenbaums-y feel to it that I totally dig.  I can see where this could make a series and not just a great pilot, which is always a plus.  All in all, aside from Becky Newton, I’m actually quite looking forward to this one.  Which, of course, automatically means it’s being held till midseason.  Boo.

Potential-O-Meter:  7

Well, there you have it, folks.  Nothing totally disastrous, but nothing I'm salivating over either.  Fox is playing is pretty safe this season.  I hate safe. 

And good lord, Blogger.  This job should not be this hard!  I really hope all that worked above, but I seriously doubt it...  UGH!!!

NBC FALL 2012: Pick-ups, Cancelleds, and Schedule

Whoa, blogger is different!  Hopefully better...  If not, my apologies.  Geez, how long has it been since I blogged that I didn't know about this till now?  Oh, well.  On with the show.  UPDATE:  Oh my holy hell, it is SO MUCH WORSE!  Just when I thought that wasn't possible!!!  Yeah, that picture above?  Hard as hell to move around without screwing up all your text.  If it moves at all.  Kudos, Blogger.  Way to suck.  Yeah, I'm gonna be looking for a new program to use in the very near future, because if pictures are this hard, embedding videos is going to be a blast...

As per usual with NBC over the past 5-10 years, they have more an insane number of new pilots.  Why, you ask?  Because the network is underwater and they cancel nearly everything they pick up.  Seriously, when a fantasy show in the Friday night death slot is the highlight and biggest success of last season’s pilot ventures, you’re truly, truly in trouble.  Here’s the breakdown of pick-ups and cancelleds (only the scripted shows, naturally).

PICKED-UP FOR NEXT SEASON:  30 Rock (final season), Community (wahoo! 13 episode initial order), Grimm (yay!), Law & Order: SVU, The Office, Parenthood, Parks & Recreation, Smash (will be held till midseason), Up All Night, and Whitney.

CANCELLED:  Are You There Chelsea?, Awake, Bent, Best Friends Forever, Chuck, Free Agents, Harry’s Law, The Playboy Club, Prime Suspect, and The Firm.

Along with the largely unsurprising pick-up and cancellation news, some scheduling changes should be noted.  Biggest change?  Community has been moved to Fridays.  This, in and of itself, wouldn’t be a death sentence (if ever a show could survive on a Friday, it’s a show with a niche audience), and quite frankly, not being up against The Big Bang Theory anymore can only be good news, but that it will now follow Whitney is a big problem.  Whitney’s ratings are bad, and the fans aren’t going to follow it to Friday.  I think Community’s base certainly will, but no casual viewer is going to watching Whitney and then stick around.  It’s a terrible lead-in and Community is going to suffer for it.  Ugh.  Other than that, here’s how things are stacking up.

The entries in ALL CAPS are new shows for fall.  The times are all Eastern Time Zone because I was too lazy to adjust for the time zone I actually live in.

NBC FALL 2012 SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8/7c The Voice
10 pm REVOLUTION

TUESDAY
8 pm The Voice
9 pm GO ON
9:30 pm THE NEW NORMAL
10 pm Parenthood

WEDNESDAY
8 pm ANIMAL PRACTICE
8:30 pm GUYS WITH KIDS
9 pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10 pm CHICAGO FIRE

THURSDAY
8 pm 30 Rock
8:30 pm Up All Night
9 pm The Office
9:30 pm Parks and Recreation
10 pm Rock Center with Brian Williams

FRIDAY
8 pm Whitney
8:30 pm Community
9 pm Grimm
10-11 pm Dateline NBC

SUNDAY (Post-football/Winter 2013)
8 pm Fashion Star
9 pm The Celebrity Apprentice
10 pm DO NO HARM

I’ll be posting clips and trailers of the new shows with my knee-jerk reactions in the coming weeks, but for now, that’s what we’re in for.  Having watched the trailers already, I can tell you that there are some absolute disasters coming down the pike, but also a couple of possible contenders. 

Renewal Prospects: NBC

I'll stop bitching about my multifarious reasons for being so lax with this blog and just get the point. Long story short, apathy is metastatic.

Moving on.

The networks won't make final decisions about which shows will survive and which shows have been crushed under the weight of timeslot competition, incompetent management, and network tomfoolery until the middle of May, but here's how things are shaking down so far. I'm starting with NBC because it's far and away the saddest and sorriest among the big four. It's like eating all the tasteless, cardboardy, multigrainy cereal bits so you can save the marshmallows till last. NBC is in trouble, folks. We all hoped that the removal of Jeff Zucker would revitalize the network, but it's going to be an uphill battle. Having ousted Zucker and his reign of terror, NBC is now comprised largely of Showtime vets who are trying to invigorate the NBC as they had Showtime. Good luck with that. This is network TV and the outlandish, envelope-pushing programming that made Showtime a major player simply has no chance on any of the big four, least of all a network that's already in trouble. Network TV simply imposes too many limits and restrictions to allow for much creativity and programming is suffering as a result. Unique, out of the box thinking is actively punished on network TV and until the new brass at NBC cast off other notions, I think NBC is going to continue to struggle. (Frankly, any network that would shelve my darling Community is going to get a stern talking to from me, but that doesn't mean I'm entirely biased.) Couple that with the fact that the network has pretty much nothing in the way of a strong lead-in for new blood and you've got a recipe for disaster. Er, more disaster. Case in point, of all of NBC's fall pilots, only a vanishingly small number will survive.

Henceforth, on with the cardboardy disappointments...

Wait, quick note: I usually categorize by "how screwed are they?", but this year I'm just going to go alphabetically. These predictions are based on my own system of gauging ratings, network expectations, and a keen, truly absurd understanding of how TV works. I'm not infallible, by any stretch, but most of my predictions are spot on. That said, I've been shocked before and I'll be shocked again. Take these with a grain of salt and if you'd rather wait till May to get definitive answers, hats off to you.

The obvious ones won't get much rhapsodizing, but the tougher calls will require some explanation...

• 30 Rock
  Safe: Will certainly be renewed for next season. Even if the actual quality of the show has been slipping for the past couple of seasons, it's one of NBC's few safe bets.
  
  
• Are You There Chelsea?
  Why no, no she isn't. This one's a goner. Even by NBC's pitifully low standards, she doesn't stand a chance. Basically: Dead.
  
  
• Awake
  Fairly Dead: This one is a little too early to call definitively (they've only had two eps to date), but I don't think it's long for this world. Or the other one. It had a good pilot and an intriguing concept, but it would have been better suited to a mini-series or a movie. I've enjoyed the first two episodes, but don't think it will last. Two eps in and the ratings are in a downward slope that I don't see stopping in time to save the show. I'll be really surprised if it lives. UPDATE: The numbers just came back for episode 3 and they held rock solid with episode 2. Granted there was less competition last night than usual, but that's still impressive. I'm upgrading their condition to: Tough Call.
  
  
• The Biggest Loser
  Safe: Oh, it'll be back all right. And, given what other gems NBC has to work with, I suspect you'll have to endure a solid 17 minutes of beeping and two commercial breaks before the weight is revealed. All to the shocked horror of those who have slow-motioned us into the break.
  
  
• Celebrity Apprentice
  Safe: See above with The Biggest Loser, substitute "beeping" with "bad hair and incompetence." It'll be back for sure. Sadly, sadly.
  
  
• Chuck
  Dead: Finally sloughs off this mortal coil. The series ended back in January after surviving for two seasons too long. God, how I used to love that show. Sad to see what it turned into. Cancellation was the only humane thing to do.
  
  
• Community
  Safe: This might be the fan girl talking, but I'm betting Community will be back for season 4. It's ratings are pretty bad, even for NBC, but I think the network may have realized that that has more to do with the timeslot than anything else. They plopped 30 Rock into that time period and it struggled hardcore as well. The hiatus put us all on edge, but the fact that they never stopped production speaks volumes. At the end of the day, the show is about 1 season away from hitting the golden 100 episodes and I think NBC will let them get there. Once a show hits 100 episodes (usually), it can be sold into syndication. That's a cash prize that NBC won't pass up. The value of selling it into syndication will more than make up for producing one more season of the show. Henceforth, I'm cautious, but optimistic. I may be going out on a bit of a limb, but I'm putting this one in the safe column. Six seasons and a movie! (Community returns this Thursday, March 15th, to much applause.)
  
  
• Free Agents
  Long Dead: This sucker barely made it three episodes before biting the dust. Yet another feather in NBC's cap.
  
  
• Grimm
  Safe: I'm as shocked as you are. As the season began, never did I think a supernatural genre show slated for the Friday night death slot would be one of the very, very few success stories for the network. Given its genre and time period, the show is doing extremely well. Hell, for NBC, its ratings are pretty decent for any time period. To boot, it's actually quite a good show. It's not often that the A-plots keep me entertained, but Grimm does a very nice job. The ongoing story could be a lot stronger and more present, but all in all, it's a solid story-of-the-week kind of show. In all honesty, when it comes to the recent fairy tale trend, I daresay Grimm does a better job than Once Upon a Time. The fact that I quite enjoy Grimm but can barely bring myself to watch Once anymore really says it all. I'll be surprised if it doesn't come back.
  
  
• Harry's Law
  Tough Call: Here's the conundrum. Ratings-wise, this show is an absolute disaster. That said, it was a disaster last year and NBC kept it. All I can think is that NBC likes having a show that gets nominated for something, anything, and wants to hold onto it. I guess the fact that it doesn't actually deserve to get nominated for anything never crossed their minds when handing out pink slips. In my heart of hearts, I think it will be canceled (it's doing even worse in its new time period than its last), but NBC might not have anything else to fall back on. Final prediction: canceled.
  
  
• Law & Order: SVU
  Safe: Network TV never met a crime procedural it didn't like and NBC is no exception. I'm sure this will be back. Again. For what I have to assume is season 38.
  
  
• The Office
  Safe: In spite of the fact that it stopped being consistently funny (or even occasionally funny) several seasons ago, its ratings are among NBC's best. The Office isn't going anywhere, even if the majority of the regular cast is jumping ship as soon as possible.
  
  
• Parenthood
  Pretty Safe: The ratings aren't good, but I think this one will be back for next year. They had a truncated season this year to accommodate a new slate of pilots and because, well, NBC struggles, but I'm confident it'll get renewed. Said new pilots have pretty much fizzled so far, so even though Parenthood's ratings aren't great, they're consistently pretty decent. For a network in complete and total turbulence, moderate, but consistent is more than they can hope for most of the time. The season finale was written so that it could serve as a series finale, but I don't think it needed to. Way to hedge your bets though.
  
  
• Parks & Recreation
  Safe: This show gets used and abused by the network, but it's a quality show with decent ratings (again, by NBC standards). It'll be back.
  
  
• The Playboy Club
  Long Dead: Yet another glittering jewel in NBC's crown, this half-baked farce was on a network with no balls whatsoever... which is kind of a liability when your show is ostensibly about sex.
  
  
• Prime Suspect
  Dead: On another network, in another time, I think this show could have done well. Perhaps on CBS, paired with one of their heavy-hitter crime procedurals, Prime Suspect could have made a real go of it. As is, on NBC, paired with... god, I can't even remember what it was paired with, but I recall it made no sense, it didn't stand a chance. It was actually a pretty good little show and I'm sad to see it end so quickly and ignominiously. Maybe it was the hat's fault... (I liked the hat, but I'm in the distinct minority here.)
  
  
• Smash
  Pretty Safe: Most websites will tell you that it's too early to tell or that it's a tough call, but I think it'll make it. We are legitimately only six episodes in, and the numbers aren't as high as NBC would like, but they're still higher than just about any other show on the network. More importantly, the number seem to have leveled off in the 2.5ish range, and for NBC, I'd say that's more than good enough to grant renewal. Time will tell, but if it stays within a couple of points of that key demo rating, it'll be back.
  
  
• The Firm
  Dead: It may not be official, but this one's a goner. It premiered to some of the lowest numbers any of the big four have ever seen for a primetime drama and it only went down from there. I'd be positively shocked if this got renewed. From where I'm sitting, it's already dead.
  
  
• Up All Night
  Safe: It's one of their better-performing shows and it's a half-hour sitcom. Barring some sort of ratings disaster, it should be just fine. The fact that they ordered extra episodes this season also bodes well for next season.
  
  
• The Voice
  SAFE: This is far and away NBC's best performer on any night, in any time period, in any genre. It's really the only show keeping the network afloat, so it will definitely be back, and, if NBC can find a way, will be even longer than it is now.
  
  
• Whitney
  Fairly Dead: I can see where some genius at NBC might think keeping this show is a good idea, but I doubt it. Its ratings have been in free-fall since the pilot and the critical backlash doesn't help. It might eek out a renewal, but I'm putting my prediction safely in the canceled camp.
  

That's all she wrote, folks. From where I'm sitting, the only shows new shows that will live to see a second are Smash and Grimm. Grimm indeed...

CW Upfronts: Last and Least (per yoozh)

Oh, don't worry, I just had a fairly absurd discussion with Annie about how on earth to spell "yoozh" (you know, as in "usual"... or not). Anyway, such a silly debate is actually a fairly apt preamble when it comes to the CW network...

It's not for lack of trying, but the CW just struggles. A lot. Seriously, the WB did all right, didn't it? Of course, the WB didn't have ABC Family breathing down its neck, but still. The CW's one, true saving grace is that it picked up Nikita for second season. Only on the CW could a show with those kind of ratings see another year, so in a way, the abysmal status of the network worked to my advantage there. It's a surprisingly good show, the second best on the network, and it deserved another year to prove itself. The fact that it's been shuffled to Friday is less than encouraging, but it's not like the CW has anything with which to replace it either. I like to think that part of the reason it got a stay of execution was that Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson (aka the showrunners behind The Vampire Diaries and new pilot The Secret Circle) are such big fans of the show. If anyone has some sway at the network, I'd say it's them. Whatever the case may be, I will take it. Suffice it to say, if Smallville weren't coming to an end, I think Nikita would be.

Not a whole lot to report, given the size of the network and all, but here's how it breaks down.

SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN CANCELED:

• Hellcats
  I barely made it through the pilot and even the promise of Gale Harold couldn't lure me back after that. Don't get me wrong, between this or the 112th season of One Tree Hill, I'd have to pick this, but I can't say I'm sad to see it go.
  
  
• Life Unexpected
  This got canceled ages ago, but it looked stupid to only have Hellcats under this heading, so I branched out... Oh, don't you worry though, the beyond annoying girl who played Lux will be back on the network come fall in The Secret Circle. Based on that casting decision alone, I'm about 40% less excited about the show.
  
  
• Smallville (final season)
  I can't believe this show has been on for this long, but I have to give it props for ending at exactly the right time (you know, so that Nikita gets a reprieve). I guess Superman's last heroic act was to save an underappreciated spy series that's very close to my heart. Awh.
  

SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN PICKED-UP:

• 90210
  Ugh. That is all.
  
  
• Gossip Girl
  I hear this show got awesome again, but I'm too far behind now to just casually start watching again. I gave up half-way through season 3 and haven't been able to get back in the game. Apparently Dan and Blair hooked up? Well, when all other combinations have been exhausted... I supposed it was them or Dan and Serena for the 87th time... Yikes.
  
  
• Nikita
  Yay! I already blathered on about this show in a previous post, so I'll just say I'm glad it survived. With this renewed, The Chicago Code was the only one of my shows to bite the bullet.
  
  
• One Tree Hill
  Oh, sweet Jesus, what will this be, season 9? Only on the CW. Wow, this is part of the reason you're not a real network, CW.
  
  
• Supernatural
  I don't watch this show, but judging by how rabid its fans are, I seem to be missing something pretty awesome. Maybe someday.
  
  
• The Vampire Diaries
  Two seasons in, and I'm still in love. Here's hoping it doesn't fizzle out in season 3 like Gossip Girl did... I'm a little afraid that Kevin Williamson will be stretched a little thin with The Secret Circle, but here's hoping Damon and friends will continue to kick ass and sacrifice things in the year to come.
  

ABC Upfronts: Eerily Peacockian

Boy, just when I thought NBC was the sole pathetic loser out there, after actually taking stock of ABC, it seems NBC is in good company. I honestly used to watch a whole hell of a lot of ABC, but now? It's pretty much Castle and... reruns of Castle. Granted, my slate of network shows is decreasing considerably across the board, but holy hell, I'm living in a world where I watch more shows on CBS than ABC. I never thought that would happen...

I don't think ABC did either. As a 28-year-old woman, I basically am their target demo, and if I've turned away, that's not a good sign. To their credit, they seem to have noticed the downturn and have cut a lot of the dead weight. I'll be posting about their new pilots later on, but seriously, ABC needs a win this fall if they're going to keep their heads in the game. They haven't had a breakout hit since Modern Family debuted. Based on what I've seen for their fall slate, I'm guessing they'll be waiting another year for a win. That, or midseason. In a rather annoying and confounding trend, most of the new pilots this year that actually look promising are being held till midseason, with no greater offender than ABC. Weird. Good luck with that, ABC.

Anyways, here's how the chips fell. In terms of freshman shows returning for a second season, ABC only fared marginally better than NBC. Not a statistic to be proud of...

SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN CANCELED:

• Better With You
  I'm only mostly sure I know which of the lame-ass slew of relationship comedies this one is, but it won't be missed even if I'm thinking of the wrong one.
  
  
• Brothers & Sisters
  I only ever saw the pilot, and that was enough. Geez, this sucker has been around for ages, so even though I can't speak to its current quality, it has to be pretty long in the tooth at this point.
  
  
• Detroit 1-8-7
  I hear this one actually got pretty good. It's a shame it won't be back. Maybe TNT wants to flesh out its cop show rescue programming and pick it up. The Chicago Code as well.
  
  
• Mr. Sunshine
  Wow, won't be missed. Nice try, Matt. No ci-gar.
  
  
• No Ordinary Family
  Fun concept, horrible cast. If I could have gotten past the Julie Benz and Michael Chicklis of it all, it might have been watchable, but that's a whole lot to get past.
  
  
• Off the Map
  Lame concept, wonderful cast. It's a shame Shonda refused to step out of her box on this one. Of course, its cancellation frees up a lot of good actors for better projects, so kudos, ABC.
  
  
• V
  I gave up on this one after the first, uh... pod(?) of episodes. It had some real potential, but the scheduling situation was too annoying to bear.
  

SHOWS THAT HAVE BEEN PICKED-UP:

• Body of Proof
  Meh. It's a decent enough medical procedural, if you're into that sort of thing, but I ain't.
  
  
• Castle
  Oh, my darling Castle. Way to be the only show on this entire network worth watching. Okay, seriously, that finale!? Awesome! I had a feeling Montgomery wasn't going to survive the episode, but I didn't seem him as the pseudo-baddie at all! Unlike Bones, who picks villains out of a hat 10 minutes before writing the big reveal, Castle did a lovely job setting this up and paying it off. The fight between Ryan and Esposito was surprisingly jarring, the confrontation with Beckett was brutal, and the attempt at Beckett's life at the funeral? Unexpected and evocative. Plus, as a box full of cookies to shippers everywhere, Castle's confession of love to Beckett right before she passed out was just perfect. Well done, show. Well done.
  
  
• Cougar Town
  It's nice to see at least one of the Friends has broken the curse. Who'd have ever guessed it'd be Monica? Not Chandler, I tell you that much (see Mr. Sunshine, above).
  
  
• Desperate Housewives
  Wow, speaking of long in the tooth, I can't believe this show is still on. It'll now be opposite The Good Wife, which, if viewers have any savvy at all, means that DH devotees will be jumping ship for some real quality programming.
  
  
• Grey's Anatomy
  Uh, good for them?
  
  
• Happy Endings
  Along with Body of Proof, this is the only other Freshman series to be returning in the fall. Don't get me wrong, that means that last year was twice as successful as NBC, but again, not something to brag about. It's a catastrophically low bar.
  
  
• The Middle
  
  
• Modern Family
  Yeah, I'm just not feeling the love so much these days... This season has been uneven at best and downright dull at worst. It's still amusing on the whole, but not much of a laugh-out-loud event the way that Community is.
  
  
• Private Practice
  The last thing I remember was Violet getting a C-section performed by a psychopath... Wonder how that turned out. Wait, no, I don't.
  

NBC Upfronts: Let God Sort 'Em Out

Oh, NBC. It's just sad. Yeah, so last year, they basically axed 2/3rds of their network, picked up an obscene number of new, expensive pilots, and were confident they'd be able to rebuild the network to its former glory. How did that work out for you, NBC?

NBC was unavailable for comment, but I can tell you, it did not go as planned. In fact, when you look at the slate of new pilots from last year and then look at the schedule for this fall, you'll notice that there is a total of 1 show that survived. Ouch. The list below doesn't even really do the slaughter full justice because shows like Undercovers and The Whole Truth got canceled so long ago that they weren't even in contention at this point.

Why has NBC fared so poorly, you ask? One word. Zucker. He is the network president who took NBC from first to worst and was the driving force behind the Leno/Conan debacle. What a peach. The good news? He's out, Bob Greenblatt is in. I'm not sure he'll be able to save the network in one season, but he's certainly a step in the right direction. Greenblatt was largely responsible for turning Showtime into the powerhouse that it has become. Before Greenblatt, Showtime had very little in the way of original programming. After Greenblatt, Showtime holds its own against HBO. As a huge fan of most of Showtime's slate, I'm very interested to see what Greenblatt can do. Having seen previews of the new pilots for this fall, however, I'm going to reserve judgment... (More of the new pilots in a later post.)

Aside from no longer having the cache or the clout the throw its weight around like it used to, NBC simply doesn't have many launchpads for new shows. A big part of a new show's success depends on its lead-in. When you put your new show directly after a returning hit, its numbers only benefit as a result. When you're on NBC, however, there's pretty much no such thing. Seriously, The Voice is the closest they have and it won't be back to midseason next year. Anyway, see below for the full shake-down of misery and embarrassment (which they at least tried to lessen by passing on the Wonder Woman reboot--god, I'd kill to see that pilot. If NBC is passing, it's gotta be good (you know, in a bad way)).

SHOWS NOT RETURNING THIS FALL:

• The Cape
  I only struggled through an episode and a half of this sucker, but I'm glad it made it to air if for no other reason than for Community to make fun of it.
  
  
• Chase
  The only bad thing about this crap-fest being canceled is that it freed up the odious Kelli Giddish to appear on The Good Wife. That needs to stop.
  
  
• The Event
  As with FlashForward, The Nine, and V before or next to it, The Event started off strong then fell completely apart. The midseason hiatus certainly didn't help, but really, was there anything left to hurt?
  
  
• Friday Night Lights
  Great show. It wasn't canceled, it's simply ending.
  
  
• Law & Order: Los Angeles
  I never even watched the pilot, but I hear it was somehow even more boring than all the other Laws & Orders out there.
  
  
• Outsourced
  The 7 minutes of the pilot I could stomach were plenty for me and apparently just about everyone else. This show won't be missed. I'm a little surprised at NBC's good judgment here. Must be Greenblatt? As the guy responsible for getting a number of Showtime's best comedies on the air, I have to assume Outsourced was positively painful for him.
  
  
• Perfect Couples
  Man alive, this one was painful as well. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm sure there are some marriages out there that work, but most TV shows have me happily single and childless.
  
  

SHOWS THAT WILL BE RETURNING:

• 30 Rock
  
  
• The Office
  I broke up with this show ages ago, so I don't even really care at this point, but yeah, it'll be back. Word is, Will Ferrell is pretty underwhelming, or as a friend at work said, "Hard to watch," so I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to give this show another chance.
  
  
• Parks & Recreation I've only just started getting caught up on this show on Netflix, but already I'm regretting that I ever broke up with it. What can I say? I have a soft spot for gay penguins.
  
  
• Community
  NBC doesn't do a whole lot of things right, but picking up Community, in spite of dismal ratings, is the smartest move they've made. It's far and away the best comedy on TV and it only got better as the second season wore on. Unlike Modern Family, which has gotten kind of boring, I'm sorry to say...
  
  
• Chuck
  Ugh. Groan. Grrr. Argh. I used to love this show, I really did, but this last season was unbearable. As any avid reader knows (and I'm sure there are simply scads of you out there), I broke up with this show quite a while back. I thought NBC would finally put it out of its misery, but instead they've relegated it to the Friday night death slot. You know, because it wasn't pitiful enough. Thankfully it'll only be back for 13 episodes, but those episodes will be on opposite Nikita, so they have to make me grimace a bit. I'm going to go out on limb and say that those two shows have similar audiences, and Nikita needs every eyeball it can get. You can go ahead and keep up with both, but watch Nikita live, please.
  
  
• Harry's Law
  Ding! Ding! Ding! For those of you playing the home game, this is the one and only new show that will be returning this fall. Yes, Harry's Law is the best of the best, apparently. I'll just let that sink in for minute while I ponder how very far NBC has fallen...
  
  
• Law & Order: SVU
  
  
• Parenthood
  You know, I've tried to love this show, and it really does have its moments, but overall, its kind of a mess. If I were trapped within a family that operated like the ones featured on this show, I'd be driving off a cliff by now. That said, when it's not being ridiculous, it does have its charms, so I keep up with it on an occasional basis. The fact that it's no longer opposite The Good Wife will help. Oh, and the fact that The Event got canceled ups the changes of Jason Ritter returning, so that could be fun. All in all, not my favorite show, but it's not one that makes me seriously question the nation's priorities either, so it's welcomed to stay.