TV Review: Smash

In short, I'm in love.

I watched the pilot for Smash (free on iTunes), NBC's latest attempt at dragging the network out of the gutter, and I have to admit, it's also their greatest attempt. While past Hail Mary passes have died ignominious deaths at the hands of the network that was, Smash is far and away their best effort and has the best chance of subverting my expectations for the network.

I should start off with a full disclosure of biases. The premise for this show is pretty much tailor-made for me and my artistic sensibilities. I'm a sucker for serialized dramas, musicals, dance, Broadway, and Jack Davenport. Honestly, it could have been half as good and I'd still be giddy with anticipation for more and clutching my pearls that NBC will blow it. Again. Unhealthy love of musicals aside, I've never been a fan of Marilyn Monroe or her brainless cupie doll routine, at all, so in my own particular brand of flamboyant mathematics, I think my biases may have cancelled each other out. As such, prepare yourselves for a completely unprejudiced and unconflicted review. Huzahh!

A lot of television viewers and critics have been quick with the snap judgments about Smash, assuming it was NBC's attempt at a Glee-style hit, but rest assured, rather than a derivative knock-off of a show that has spun into a full disaster, Smash is everything Glee wishes it could be, but isn't. Rather than setting up a faulty framework whereby actors can sing a million song covers that are vaguely adjacent to whatever contrived moment it happening on air, Smash embraces the ages-old theatrical conceit of a show within a show and makes it sparkle. Yeah, yeah, they're both shows with songs and... no, actually, that's about where the comparisons stop. Watching Smash didn't at all feel like watching some iteration of Glee, and if you've watched Glee over the past two seasons, you know there's no possible way that isn't a compliment.

Smash tells the story of the making of a musical about the life of Marilyn Monroe, using the songs within the musical that is being writing as the primary songs for the show. It forges a compelling blend between the real world and the stage adaptation in much the way the film adaptation of Chicago did (I kinda want to say that Rob Marshall is involved with this show somehow, but don't quote me on that), shifting from reality to fantasy from breath to breath. Other songs elucidate character moments and plot developments as well, but it all blends together nicely and doesn't feel like, "Awh hell, it's been 7 minutes, we have to put another song in no matter how much it doesn't fit." The musical numbers were all completely organic to the story and felt like, well... like I was watching a good musical. For those of you out there who've seen good ones and bad ones, you know what I mean. In the best musicals, the songs simply flow through the narrative like all other storytelling elements. In a bad musical, well, you can feel the number coming from a mile away and can't believe you have to sit through an entire song about postage stamps. It helps that Smash has a hell of a pedigree going into it, not only with an amazing cast of onscreen talent, but actual Broadway writers and choreographers working behind the scenes. These people know how to put on a show and I know how to sit on the edge of my seat clapping my hands together and grinning.

Katharine McPhee stars as Karen Cartwright, budding ingenue and corn-fed Iowan who dreams of making it on Broadway. With her primary credit being "former American Idol contestant," I was understandably concerned about her ability to carry a series. Her acting resume is pretty slim, but at the end of the day, she did a really lovely job, allowing her inexperience to make her performance better, not worse. McPhee is green and unpolished, but so is the character she plays. The very quality that makes her an appealing and refreshing choice as Marilyn makes her an appealing actress overall. Every slightly awkward moment comes off as genuine and disarming. I wouldn't say that every second was a home run, but I found that I connected with her character instantly and found myself rooting for her from the get-go.

By intentional contrast, Karen's rival in the race for the lead is a Broadway veteran named Ivy, and is played by Megan Hilty. Maybe it's humanity's knee-jerk sympathy for the underdog, but neither I, nor the producers of the show within the show were as drawn to her as they are to Karen. She actually did a very nice job embodying Marilyn and she's a force to be reckoned with onstage, but there was something forced and almost disingenuous about her portrayal. Whether this is chalked up to the actress, the character design, or both, is anyone's guess, but it made for a noteworthy juxtaposition. I assume she'll grow on my over time, but as is, one of my very few quibbles with the show was that McPhee's character is so obviously the star of the show (although after talking to Annie, it seems some people were more divided than I). Maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine any universe in which she doesn't get the lead role. It appears that the bulk of the first season will focus on the contest for the role of Marilyn, so unless they flesh out Ivy in more substantial ways, I think the winner is a bit of a foregone conclusion. I think the reason I struggled with Ivy is that she went whole-hog with the Betty Boop Marilyn persona that I've long despised. McPhee's character gave Marilyn an actual personality, a heart, a brain, (da noive?) and my attention. She made her more than the dingbat, and that instantly wins her a lot of points.

The two leads do a very nice job, but it's the rest of the cast that really brings it together and creates the world of the show. The cast is replete with heavy-hitters like Angelica Huston, Debra Messing, and of course, my darling Jack Davenport who steals the show. Okay, I may be a bit biased, as mentioned above, but I think most viewers will find his prickly, sexy, brilliant director Derek Wills as delightful as I do. There are truly no serious weak links in the cast at all and I found myself believing the characters instantly and investing in them. To see the contrast between the two young women, pursuing their dreams in the face of parental opposition or apathy and the profession veterans who've seen a million girls just like them feels authentic and meaningful. We theatre buffs have seen this conceit before, to be sure, but there's a reason writers keep tapping that well. It's utterly compelling and unbearably brutal to watch. I've seen it a dozen times and yet I get sucked in every single time.

Indeed, the few weaker points to the pilot were some of the more staid story elements. While the performances made some of the more predictable plot points work, they were predictable nonetheless. As the season progresses, I'm hopeful the writers will play with expectations and take more narrative chances, but even if they don't, it all still works. More surprises would simply be icing on the cake. In terms of the smaller story elements, there were a few moments where the writers were clearly aiming for heart and depth, but slid into schmaltz instead. I'm not overly concerned here. Once the show really finds its feet, I'm confident these more heavy-handed beats will dissipate as the characters become fully formed. I realize that Ellis' monologue about his love of the theatre and Ivy's would-be heartbreaking phonecall to her apathetic mother were important character points, but this early on, they fell a bit flat. Those were the two primary instances in the pilot that didn't ring true for me and felt forced. The fact that these two moments came from the two characters I connected to the least is no coincidence, methinks.

Minor quibbles aside, the show really worked. The chemistry between all the actors made even the weaker beats worth ignoring. In particular, McPhee and Davenport sizzle onscreen. This is, of course, intentional, and it's a good thing it worked because the show would be far less without it. The story of an aspiring starlet facing the prospect of having to sleep with the director to get the gig is well-worn and familiar, but again, the actors make it feel fresh. Jack Davenport can do no wrong, really. His real strong-suit is the subtlety he brings to the story in the smaller moments. The look on his face and glint in his eye when McPhee performs for the first time had me sold on him as a character and on her as the lead. How that will all shake out in the long run, especially in light of the entirely too revelatory "this season on Smash" highlight reel, will be interesting to watch, even if not completely surprising. That said, the fact that Tom, one of the writers of the musical, and Derek, the director, hate each other (or at least feel a certain rivalry) will make the whole process twistier and murkier in all the best ways. Does Tom want Ivy for the lead because he thinks she's best for the part or because it's clear that Derek favors Karen? Will his loyalties to Ivy win out? Will Derek's bravado overpower him? When push comes to shove, who carries more weight in the decision? I kinda can't wait to find out.

All in all, this was an easy show for me to enjoy. My threshold for musicals is pretty low in general, but even if I weren't such a fan of the genre, I think there would be a lot to love about Smash. Was it perfect? No. Did I care that it wasn't perfect? No. The glitzy production numbers (I've watched the baseball number about half a dozen times now), Broadway caliber singing and dancing (was that Alex Wong I spied in the rehearsal for said baseball number? why yes, I think it was), fine acting, and wonderful cast were enough for me to casually ignore the flaws. Most musicals have issues, let's be honest, but if I can walk away with a smile on my face and a song stuck in my head, I really can't complain. In the end, I find that I'm more excited about this show than I have been about any other pilot this year. Whether or not it'll sink or swim is anyone's guess, but in terms of network TV in general, NBC might just sink or swim right along with it.

No pressure or anything.

The fact that it's on NBC is actually quite the double-edged sword in terms of it's prospects. On the one hand, NBC has hardly a feather in its cap these days and hasn't launched a huge hit since The Office. When there aren't any solid lead-ins to help with new start-ups, it's much more difficult to find traction with viewers. On the other hand, NBC's standards for "good ratings" have gotten so low that shows have to be complete, total, and utter flops to get cancelled. What this means for Smash is yet to be seen, but the good news is that I think it will do at least well enough that NBC will keep it around for a while. They can't really afford for it to flop... In my heart of hearts though, I think it will do well, NBC notwithstanding.

Pilot Grade: A-

TV Review: Alcatraz

When the fall slate of shows was announced, I was pretty underwhelmed, finding a lot more to salivate over for midseason than for September. That's still mostly true, what with Revenge being the only real new love of my life, but in fall's defense, midseason is losing a bit of its luster as well.

When I first heard that JJ Abrams had a new show about prisoners disappearing from Alcatraz prison in 1963 then resurfacing 50 years later to cause mayhem and whatnot, I was pretty excited. JJ has a pretty good track record (Undercovers notwithstanding) and although Lost eventually devolved into a total mess, that was long after JJ's involvement had ended. It was with this pedigree that I happily looked forward to Alcatraz as, I hoped, my new obsession, bringing a glisten and cache to midseason that we'd never seen before.


Yeah, not so much.

Awh, best laid plans. Yeah, I think with Alcatraz we have a tragic case of a great, high concept idea that's been weighted down by network TV. What could have been a gripping serial drama full of mystery and intrigue has been revised and diluted into a standard network crime procedural. Ugh. It wasn't a total disaster or anything, and I really do think it has potential, but at the end of the day, it appears to be way more baddie-of-the-week than I expected. In my book, I'll take a decent serial over a good procedural any day of the week, so such a realization was quite a letdown.

The basic gist of the show is interesting and different. When Alcatraz prison closed in 1963, the prisoners were supposedly transferred to other prisons. In the show's mythology, however, they were taken by unknown forces for unknown reasons. In present day San Francisco, these long-forgotten prisoners are resurfacing, having hardly aged a day, with vengeance on their minds and mysterious puppet master pulling the strings. Interesting, right?! Wow, that sounds like a hell of a concept for show! That's something I've never really seen before! I can hardly wait for the awesome web of awesomeness to unfold before me!!

In actuality, the base mythos for the show's conceit acted merely as a framework for a quirky buddy cop crime procedural. Yeah, that's the exact opposite of what I was hoping for. That said, even that could have really come together in fabulous ways. It didn't. Problemo numero uno? Sarah Jones. Good lord, you've got to be kidding me. When I first heard she'd been cast as the female lead, my expectations for the show diminished by half. Quite rightly, I was disappointed to find. Sometimes I really hate being right. Jones plays Rebecca Madsen, a tough, no-nonsense detective who rose through the ranks at a young age, having learned everything she knows about detectiving from her father. Okay, seriously? How many times do I have to see this character? Your show is about ghosts from Alcatraz wreaking havoc and yet you couldn't come up with something more original than that for your primary character? Such laziness does not bode well for the show as a whole. But, again, even such a hackneyed character model can work when placed in the right hands. Sarah Jones' hands ain't them.

In truth, I've only ever seen her on a few episodes of Sons of Anarchy and an episode of Justified. I wasn't particularly impressed by either, but all in all, she did a serviceable job with the roles she was given (that of the daughter of a white supremacist and very pregnant Kentucky prisoner, respectively). While she managed okay with those, at no time did I think to myself, "You know, she's make a hell of a supernatural detective." I was hoping I'd be wrong, but no. She was terrible. Not for one second did I believe she was a police officer of any stripe, let alone a badass detective who chases down bad guys. First of all, she's not old enough to be a detective. But, then again, no one on these shows ever is. The real problem is that she looks about 14. The flippy blond bob and matronly shape did not help. To boot, her manner, her demeanor, the way she carried herself, everything, struck me more as any random woman at a grocery store than as a ballbusting maverick. With a capable actress, her appearance wouldn't have mattered, but Jones couldn't sell the part even if she looked it, so to not look the either was the death knell. She commanded no authority and at no time did I feel she was actually capable of much of anything. She truly brought nothing to the table and left the audience with a bland, forgettable performance. Seriously, if I had to think of 5 words to describe who she is a as a person, I doubt I could get to 3 before giving up and saying things like, "Uh... punctual? And, um... loves Eggos?" for personality traits 4 and 5. A great actor can make even the weakest of material sing. Alcatraz has problems, but it's by no means the "weakest of material," and yet she still failed. The first outing for the show consisted of the pilot and second episode, of which she was front and center and yet I'm still left with nothing but cliches to hold onto. Maybe that's why they stuck to the cliches... they realized she couldn't bring anything special, so they just put a cookie-cutter out there and hoped the audience would fill in all the blanks. Man, I think back to the Veronica Mars pilot. With Kristen Bell as the lead, I left the pilot knowing who she was, how she operated, and most importantly, that I liked her and wanted to know more. Sarah Jones is not half so capable, and Alcatraz suffered as a result. Honestly, with another actress at the helm, I'd probably being singing the show's praises. As is, I'm left wondering what idiot thought she could anchor a show.

Jones was the real problem here, but honestly, the rest of the cast wasn't given much to work with. Hurley is playing Hurley. Straight up. Even his quips and turns of phrase are the same. His manner, tone, reactions, everything. Don't get me wrong, I love Hurley, but I already know Hurley. He's as warm and convivial as ever, having a lovable chemistry with just about everyone. Having never seen him in anything besides Lost, I can't vouch for his range, but I would have loved to have seen him given something a little different. In this, I'm met with a female cop stereotype and a character I already know. On the one hand, it grounded the show in familiarity, but on the other hand, it grounded the show in familiarity. I'm always looking for something new, and when I run across a ballsy high-concept, I expect it to follow through in all aspects, not just the background conceit.

Sam Neill and Parminder Nagra round out the supporting cast and are both fine, but I kept feeling like they were being wasted in favor of watching Jones awkwardly run after criminals. I'm hopeful the writers will realize what they've got on their hands and shift the focus, but as is, they provided the mysterious people behind the curtain, the bosses, the ones in the know, but didn't get to show much of it. Here's hoping for more. The end of the second episode opened a lot of possibilities for Nagra and I'm hoping they make the most of them. That she, apparently, hasn't aged either, existing in flashbacks and modern day, is genuinely intriguing and automatically makes her character far more interesting than the actual leads of the show. It also helps explain how she could have been shot straight through the heart with a huge rifle and managed to survive. I just hope they actually have a plan for the long term and figured out their own mythology before jumping int with both feet. As with Lost before it, I'd hate to see "the island is magical" become a common refrain for this show... (I just barely finished Lost and can I tell ya? Majorly disappointing. That whole last season was a snooze. I had three eps to go and I simply didn't care. Finally watched said eps, and still didn't care. Ugh.)

While the show definitely has some procedural elements to it, what with a ghost from the past seemingly being tracked down week-to-week and pairing between a cop and an unconventional partner, but its ongoing story seems to hold together better than most. I expected the prisoner in the first episode to be a one-off, but it appears that they'll be making appearances for the long run. This gives me hope for the series. With the leads being as lackluster as they are, I found myself instantly more interested in the prisoners, wanting to learn more about their stories, their histories, and their personalities than in Jones or Hurley. For the one-off characters to outshine the stars is a very bad sign, but the underpinnings of the show allow for a more serial arc than expected. I really hope the writers make the most of that and eschew standard procedural elements for something much deeper than they've given us so far. The mysteries they've laid out are genuinely compelling, but having been burnt so many times before, and by several of the same people, I'm reluctant to trust the writers to payoff their setups. Seriously, is it worth feverishly discussing the many possibilities if you can't be sure the writers themselves have figured anything out? Ultimately, probably not. Lost raised so many questions and opted to answer them poorly or not at all that viewers felt cheated. If you're ever looking for a good time, play the "Wait, how did that happen? Uh, the island..." drinking game. You'll be soused in no time. I'm more than a little concerned that this will be the same situation, slightly different island.

The show isn't without hope, but I'm proceeding with extreme caution and prejudice. I doubt I'll ever learn to love the bad acting and personality-lessness of the lead actress, but I'd like to think there's enough here that they could make it work. There are a lot of logistical elements of the story that I think will prove problematic for the writers down the road, but I'm crossing my fingers that they have a plan this time (having seen what a disaster not having a plan proved to be with Lost). At the end of the day, I didn't hate it, but I certainly didn't love it either. My brother and I spent the whole time wishing it were written by Joss Whedon and starring... almost any other actress out there. Gina Torres was our top pick, but there's a bag of potatoes in my kitchen that's on the short list for the job (what with Jones being their competition). Even if the project ultimately falls to pieces, JJ can usually put together a hell of a pilot. With Alcatraz? Not even close. There are a number of amazing shows out there that had bad or mediocre pilots, but JJ's trajectory is almost always in the other direction. That does not bode well for Alcatraz.

I like to think that in its original iteration, Alcatraz was as badass as it should be and that it was the network that tied their hands and foisted mass appeal on them in the form of a crime procedural. Whatever the cause, that's far and away the show's weakest story element. It's weakest overall element, of course is the cast. Wow. I'm hoping the show starts to gel into more of a serial as they go along and that the overarching storylines take over as the season progresses. The concept of Madsen's grandfather being one of the prisoners who has come back, although hokey and predicable, opens some interesting doors as well. In a perfect world, the show would use the first few episodes to build a bit of an army of prisoners from Alcatraz and then stop having the baddie of the week elements for the most part. I realize that's probably not going to happen, but a girl can dream. Hey, they have middle America to appeal to, dontcha know, and they can't be confusing them with actual storytelling. Ugh.

Again, it wasn't a total disaster and it does have some things going for it. I just wish I'd gotten to see more of those things in the pilot. I also wish so many of those things weren't the same things Lost had (hell, even the music sounds exactly the same). As is, most of the show's assets are theoretical. In my mind, they have a lot of a good stuff to work with. On the screen, much less so. The production values are high and show is well-made, even if the talent onscreen and offscreen leaves a bit to be desired. Hopefully they'll settle into their roles and be more at home with who they're supposed to be... or, you know, Sarah Jones could get hit by a bus. One or the other, really. I'll give it a few more episodes to find its feet and establish itself, but after two episodes, I'm left with a "meh." And... more than a few unintentional laughs... My brother and I really had a field day with this one. They just made it too easy.

Pilot Grade: C+

TVD: Klausoline?

It's a rare show that can pull the rug out from under me, but The Vampire Diaries succeeds in spades. Sure, some of the more typical A-plot elements are telegraphed in advance and are easy to construct a probable path for, but it's the little things that they set up that I never saw coming (or never knew I wanted to see coming) that mean the most. In last night's foray (episode 3.11, "Our Town"), an excellent episode all around, the best and most intriguing development wasn't Elena's harrowing near death/near vamp thrillride with Stefan, it wasn't Stefan's casual assassinations of Klaus' hybrids, and it wasn't even the dead body at the end (jesus, this town has enough to worry about without actual humans killing people). No, the most compelling moment was a two minute scene with one of the unlikeliest pairings imaginable.

Not only did the tone and substance of Klaus and Caroline's conversation surprise me, but the implications thereof bowled me over. For as much as I enjoy the love triangle relationshippy stuff with this show, it's never been the primary reason for watching for me. It still isn't, but the writers keep finding more and more ways to make the inter-personal dynamics layered and intriguing, while generally shying away from the more tween-style romances. Sure there are elements here and there, but TVD always gives it something more. For example, a few episodes back, when Elena tells Damon that Stefan won't come back because he loves her, but because he loves Damon, the audience believes it. At its core, this show is about family and the writers keep finding more and more ways to explore that notion and punch you in the gut with it (in a good way). Klaus' emphasis on his family has been an overweening motivation since the middle of last season and has come to a head with Stefan's current casket-thievin' shenanigans. While Klaus has generally been painted as the uber-villain/the ultimate big bad, the show gives him moments of vulnerability that elucidate who he really is as a person. Though few and far between, their infrequency makes them really hit home. Our first glimmer of his long-suppressed humanity came with flashbacks to his human life and his reactions to his then current situation with his father, sister, and brother. In terms of Klaus' interactions with the citizens of Mystic Falls, his emotional range has been mostly limited to rage, vindictiveness, and frustration. Until now.

That beautiful scene between Klaus and Caroline took me completely by surprise, but didn't feel forced or inconsistent at all. THAT is the hallmark of good writing. I never saw this coming, but now that it's here, it makes perfect sense. Beyond that, it's insanely awesome. I honestly had no idea what to expect when Klaus came to Caroline's door, intent on who-know-what. My initial thought was that he was most concerned with gaining an invitation into the house (but do originals need an invitation? I don't think so...), and then he'd bargain with the key players, twisting the knife until he was willing to save her (from the bite we all knew Tyler would impart). What I was met with, quite to the contrary, was an unexpectedly sweet, poignant, almost yearning discourse between two characters who've had only limited interaction thus far. Caroline's still-living, still-human friends tried their best to cheer her up on her birthday, but the life she had that had birthdays in it no longer exists. While Elena, Matt McCArdboard, and Bonnie von Needstodiesoon helped her mourn her old life, it was Klaus who really opened her eyes to the possibilities of her new life. "You can see the world, do everything you've ever dreamed. You can have a thousand birthdays." To hear Klaus, who understands what she's going through in a way that her human-friends can't, espouse the wonders of eternal life gave Caroline a new lease. For the first time in a long time, Caroline could relate. While Damon would never admit to his humanity or his occasional urges to let it all go and die the true death, Klaus cops to conflicted feelings about the whole situation. He tells Caroline he's considered dying a number of times over the centuries and knows exactly what she's thinking. Sometimes, when you feel all alone, there is nothing more comforting that someone knowing what you're going through and telling you it'll be all right. This episode was about moving on, about letting go of who you were and embracing who you are, and only Klaus could make Caroline see that.

Beyond what Klaus actually said, it was the way he said it that really hit home. No longer the mustache-twirling Evil League of Evil founding father, Klaus' interactions with Caroline was unbelievably soft and caring. It was as though he was tending to a sick loved one. Klaus has expressed his almost obsessive love for his family in a number of ways, but never before have we seen him interact with anyone in this way before. As it was happening, it not only gave Klaus a whole new layer to explore, but it made him sympathetic to the audience in a way I hardly thought possible. The fact that he saved Caroline's life, specifically, is important. She is inconsequential to his plans (as far as we know). Not only that, but she's been beat up and brutalized more than probably any other character, even Elena. I adore Caroline. Everyone does. And anyone who makes her see that her new life is one worth living, saves her life, and makes it all okay wins about a million points in my book. In a way, it's kind of like Jesse on Breaking Bad. He's so wonderful, and so mistreated, that I find my allegiances switching to whoever is treating him well at the moment. So let it be with Caroline.

Above and beyond all of that, that scene opened doors that I never would have thought could be opened and never knew I wanted them to be. I had never even considered a Klaus and Caroline pairing (whether romantic or not), but as I was watching that scene, not only did such a prospect totally work with the narrative, but it appealed to me on a number of levels. As I started to think about a relationship between the two, it struck me. Awesome. Simply awesome. I don't know how this will manifest or even whether Klaus' intentions are genuine (if this is all a big game, that would be amazing yet devastating), but I'm so, so intrigued to see it. That he saved her life was compelling enough, but that he gave her a beautiful bracelet (necklace?) for her birthday added that little something extra. Again, I could see where, eventually, this is an elaborate scheme to turn her against her friends (hell, that bracelet could be spelled or something), but I could see it going the other way entirely. Klaus is desperate for connection to people. Desperate for family. Desperate for love. He's been loathed and rejected his whole life and I can totally see where he'd find himself fancying someone as kickass as Caroline. The fact that she probably reminds him of Rebekah to a degree makes it all the more plausible. He just staked his one ally and now he's truly all alone. Could this be a scheme? Could this be genuine? Could this be both? I can't wait to find out.

In all honesty, the prospect of them as a romantic pairing is pretty fabulous. The thought of Caroline becoming a big bad in her own right is even more fabulous. Caroline got about 800 times better after becoming a vampire, so who knows how awesome she could become if she were a bad vampire. Hell, it did wonders for Stefan. This show burns through story faster than any other show on the air, and I keep thinking they'll run out of road, but they just keep building more and better highways to cruise down. Klausoline may be the best yet. I never even would have thought of them as a potential pairing before last night. Now, that's all I can think of.

This season has been about personal transformation and change. Stefan lost his soul (or did he?), Damon bared his, and Elena went from being a whiny damsel to actually pretty badass. Add Klaus and Caroline to that list. All these characters (and others as well) are on a journey of self-discovery and identity. Last night may have hit hardest with Klaus and Caroline, but a close second was Elena. I loved that scene at the end on the bridge. Caroline finally said goodbye to her old life and Elena is trying to follow suit. She doesn't have to be "that girl" anymore. She has taken charge of her own destiny in a way I never would have expected in the first two seasons. It's incredibly refreshing and makes me like her about 50 times more. In previous seasons, I've always kind of thought Damon could do a lot better. Now, Elena is finally becoming the person I always wanted her to be. Just in time to give up on vampires and Damon altogether. I think that kiss last week, a real kiss, rocked Elena to the core. I think she loves Damon more than she'd ever admit, but in her mind, that kiss was step one down the vampire-werewolf-doppelganger-hybrid rabbit hole and made her re-evalutate her feelings entirely. Meeting Stefan was the beginning of Mystic Falls' dubious honor of murderiest town on the planet, and in a number of ways, she can't imagine going down that road again. No matter how much she loves him. She's been loving blindly and entirely for year now and it's gotten about 13,870 people killed. I can see where that might cause someone to take pause... especially after her last vampire boyfriend just almost drove her off a bridge...

I'm not sure where we're headed from here, but I can't wait to find out. Although I can absolutely see where Elena would want to separate herself from all of this, the final scene with her and Matt opened a door that I wish would have stayed closed. Matt has always been a block of wood and the prospect of a rekindled romance doesn't excite me. But, I'm confident the show will make whatever happens as awesome as possible. Bring it.

Stray Observations:

• Jeremy needed some time off, that's for sure. It is very much to this show's credit that they realized he didn't have much to do and sent him on his way. I actually like Jeremy quite a lot, and they did a fabulous job of sending him off on a high note (ensuring we'll be happy to see him when he returns), but sometimes a character just isn't necessary. This show is very willing to kill off characters, but they know how to work around it as well.
• In that same vein, I love how if a character isn't needed in an episode, he/she simply isn't in the episode. True Blood could definitely take a page here. TVD's storytelling is tight and efficient and they know how to use their resources wisely. There are very few (if any, really) throwaway plotlines and it's very much appreciated.
• "Hey Jeremy, your suitcase looks a little light. How about you take some extra baggage in the form of the most annoying, sanctimonious, holier-than-thou witch in town?" Bonnie needs to go. Look, this show needs a witch. I grant that. But does it have to be her? She's not even a very good witch! Seriously, when lighting birthday candles takes that much effort, what good are you? What's worse, your friends, who've seen basically all manor of supernatural everything, were actually impressed by your candle-lighting ability. Come to think of it, for someone as inept as she, that was kinda spectacular...
• The Klaus and Caroline dynamic, whether potentially romantic, conspiratorial, or both, is intriguing enough on its own, but then throw Tyler and his sire-bond in the mix and things get even more twisted and fabulous. Can't wait to see how that turns out.
• Meredith Fell: "Some English guy just promised to match all the donations made tonight."
  Alaric: "Wait, what do you mean English guy?"
  (Ummm... a guy who's from England?)
• The woman who plays Dr. Fell is actually married to Paul Wesley in real life. TVD fun fact.
• Alaric: "Wait, you mean you actually care who lives or dies?"
  Damon: "I have a short list."
  ("Have you seen my list? It's a piece of paper that says 'Elena' on it.")
• Caroline: "Are you going to kill me?"
  Klaus: "Not on your birthday."
  (I loved how Klaus seemed genuinely offended that Caroline would imply he might kill someone on their birthday. Hehe. We all have a line we won't cross, even the baddest of the bads. Klaus' line is apparently covered in frosting.)
• Even though it appears that Elena may be moving toward living boyfriends, her sexual chemistry with Damon is scorching. Seriously, it becomes more and more apparent with each passing episode that Ian and Nina are a couple.
• I love that in Mystic Falls, vampires, werewolves, witches, and hybrids are par for the course in terms of murder, but a regular guy? THAT's the surprise. The fact that it looks like it could have been Alaric makes it the real cliffhanger (although I seriously doubt it was him... more like Meredith, methinks, but really, who the hell knows).
  

My Top 10 TV Shows of 2011

I'm really hoping that with the new year, my zest for, well, anything really, will return, but until then, this blog is going to be pretty sparse. It's not that there isn't plenty to talk about TV wise (the fact that Once Upon a Time just killed off one of the few characters I liked is currently irking me and the fate of Boardwalk Empire sans Jimmy looms large), but I just can't seem to care enough to type. Venting to the kiddies at work is my current outlet. I highly recommend everyone get their coworkers hooked on all the same shows.

Anyhow, in spite of my apathy, I couldn't not put together a top 10 list of the best television programs of the year, and then some significantly pettier, dorkier lists as well. Without further ado, and in no particular order...

MY TOP 10 SHOWS OF 2011

JUSTIFIED
My love for this show knows no bounds, and the fact that it's been rather conspicuously absent from my schedule since March is kind of maddening. That said, the show is finally starting up in about a month and I can't wait. FX has been re-airing the first season and even though I've already seen it at least twice, I couldn't help but watch again. What's more, it didn't even occur to me to fast-forward through the boring or annoying parts because, well, there aren't any. It's not a crazy, fast-paced, explosion a minute kind of show or anything, but I find that I'm simply riveted from beginning to end. While season 1 was fantastic, season 2 brought something even more amazing to the table: Mags Bennet. When you have a cast of characters that includes the likes of the Crowder clan, it's hard to imagine someone stealing the spotlight, but Margo Martindale was electrifying. My one quibble with the show in general is that female characters tend to play the damsel, but the addition of Mags (and Loretta for that matter), balanced the scales in all the best ways. Oh sure, we started the "Oh, for hell's sakes, Winona!" drinking game during her tenure as the dithering damsel with sticky fingers, Mags was there to temper the gender gap. She was layered and warm and terrifying and ruthless and caring, oftentimes all at once. I'm incredibly sad that Mags won't be back for season 3, and her loss, coupled with the loss of Helen and Loretta, the other tremendous female characters on the show, means that we're left with Winona and Ava. If any show has the power to turn them into more than moronic damsels and fluttering love interests, it's Justified, but their treatment of these two thus far gives me pause... That said, the promos have Raylan and Boyd seemingly teaming up, so there's only so much I can worry about.

BREAKING BAD
Once upon a time, when television aficionados would herald the greatness of the medium or defend it against the slings and arrows of critics defaming it as pulp, they would call on The Wire to justify their cause. Now they call on Breaking Bad. This show is just so, so good. This is one of the few shows that I've actually addressed in fair measure lately, so I'll keep this short. Maybe. While it's been a powerhouse of awesome and artistry since day one, I think this most recent season might have been their best yet. The brilliance with which the writers balanced so many different factions, agendas, mental and emotional priorities, political concerns, and kingpins is nothing short of amazing. At any given time, I found myself pulling for someone different, condemning characters I once loved, and exalting the baddest of the bad. Then it would all change in the coming week. The best part of all is that these shifts in my loyalties were not based on the most ostentatious or sensational of events. By contrast, with Breaking Bad, it's the quiet moments that shed the most light and send me reeling. Which isn't to say that the show is lacking in big, insane, WTF moments or anything. There are certainly plenty of those. It's just that with Breaking Bad, a scene with a few guys sitting around a table talking (or a scene with no talking at all) is just as gripping and terrifying as the deadliest shootout, the biggest explosion, or a mass poisoning. This season saw the end of Tio Salamanca (ding! ding! ding!) and Gus Fring, two irreplaceable powerhouses, but I have every confidence that next season will see the introduction of even fiercer, quirkier baddies. In a lot of ways, I think the season 4 finale could have served well as the series finale, but I'm sure glad it wasn't.

REVENGE
Going into every fall pilot season, I have shows that I'm excited about, shows that I know I'll hate, and shows that I'm willing to give a shot, but fully suspect I'll drop them in a couple of weeks. Revenge definitely fell into the third category. Little did I know it would quickly turn into the sudsiest, juiciest, most delectably addictive soap opera to hit TV in years. The first few episodes had me a little worried that I was headed for a revenge procedural, with Emily dispatching of one of her father's foes each week, all wrapped up in a nice little bow. Much to my delight, those early episodes were only setting up the tangle web to come. This show is a soap opera, which is generally used in the pejorative, but there's not guilt in this pleasure. With any genre, there are going to be good ones and bad ones. For genres like "chick flick", "rom com", "soap opera", and "crime procedural", the bad so often outnumber the good that the genre as a whole gets a bad wrap. Well, Revenge may be a soap, but it's a bloody good one. The story-telling is lightning fast, but there's also a long con that sweeps maliciously from episode to episode, tying things tighter and raising the stakes. The characters are surprisingly layered and complex, giving the writers plenty of room to explore not just the outlandish soapy plot elements, but the more intriguing character elements as well. The cast in general is very strong, but my heart belongs to Nolan (which, given my propensity for siding with the smart, snarky game-changer should come as no surprise). Revenge is truly a watercooler show, even in an age when everyone seems to watch shows at different times. With Revenge, you simply can't afford to risk missing it or you'll be subject to 45 minutes of heated discussion without you. I'm not sure where the show is headed in the long run (although I hear a move to New York is in store for season 2), but I'm definitely along for the ride.

BEING HUMAN (UK)
Although the US version tries desperately to keep pace with it's British predecessor, it's an incredibly high bar that it will never surpass. The most recent season of the British version ended many months ago, but it was still one of the first shows to come to mind when compiling this list. Being Human, on paper, has one of the most absurd, campy, tween concepts in town. And yet, the writers brilliantly explore the human condition through werewolves, ghosts, and vampires. Indeed, by looking at what humans are when they aren't human at all, it sheds light on humanity as a whole. This most recent season was brutal and beautiful and heartbreaking. The writers had a plan from day one, plotted and executed it perfectly, and ended right where they should have, even if that was the most devastating place possible. It's months later and I still can't believe Mitchell is truly gone. As the season began, and it was foretold that he would be killed by a werewolf, fans couldn't help but wonder if that werewolf would be George. Against all inclinations to the contrary, as the season concluded, it only made sense that George would end Mitchell's life. It had to be done, I knew it had to be done, but it was devastating for all involved. No matter what Mitchell had done, no matter in how many ways his inhumanity wreaked havoc, he wanted so desperately to be a good person, but it just never happened. Until the bitter end. The wolf-shaped bullet ending his life was, in its own way, the most human thing to have happened. I honestly don't know where the show will go without his handsome mug, but even if it falls apart, I can always remember last season as being something truly special. The US version can try and try all it likes to match the darkness, the brutality, the hilarity, and the humanity of its predecessor, but I can't really fault it for falling short.

SUITS
Last year, almost all of USA Network's line-up got a nod in my "Best Of" list, but this year, only their newest show garners a spot. While one-time favorites slumped, fell by the wayside, or decreased in quality, Suits arose as the banner show for the network. I assumed this would be yet another "blue skies" procedural for the network, taking the exact same principles and elements of their other shows and wrapping them in the guise of "lawyer show," I was very pleasantly surprised to find the network's most adult offering to date. It has "lawyer show" elements, of course, but it's more of a serial than I've ever seen on USA, it takes more chances narratively, and it even adopts the standards and practices for foul language that networks FX and AMC have employed for years. The occasional "shit" may not seem like much, but it marks a shift in terms of tone and audience. I recently noticed that Covert Affairs has taken a similar tack, so I'm hopeful that as the network takes more chances, the quality and originality would follow suit. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed the "blue skies" approach taken by the network, but after a few years, it starts to wear on you with its sameness. For various reasons, USA's other options haven't retained their luster, but the sameness is one of the main factors. Burn Notice has played the same hand for the past three seasons, needing a reinvention sooner than later, In Plain Sight got pregnant and ruined the show, Covert Affairs is somehow surprisingly boring, seeming to have lost its narrative thrust, its sense of direction, and its understanding of its own characters, and Psych is... well, it's Psych. If you've seen one episode, you've seen them all. (White Collar is really the only other show on the network that has upped the ante and kept me totally enthralled.) Suits (oh yeah! we're talking about Suits!) bucks the trend of sameness in the best ways possible. It takes the best elements of the network's shows and adds so much more. Suits isn't afraid to have heroes that do bad things, characters that are unlikable, and real tension. All of this is undercut with an incredibly charming bromance, a lot of laughs, and several ongoing storylines to keep the show from stagnating or stalling. In the best surprise of all, they have crafted characters that are layered and intriguing in surprising ways for this network. Indeed, the show's lead, Harvey Spector, isn't particularly likeable on a number of levels, but that's what makes him so special. He's not the kind of character I usually latch onto, but I'm completely enamored. This kind of connection with characters, and the knowledge that they won't always do what you expect them to, makes for a surprising ride where I genuinely don't know what's going to happen every single minute of every episode. It's a lovely change of pace for USA and one that I hope continues. I can't wait for Suits to come back and have spent the downtime re-watching this year's episodes.

GAME OF THRONES
It honestly took me about half of the first season to really get invested in this show, but once I did, I found myself really looking forward to it week-to-week. Even if it weren't my kind of show, the size and scope and scale of the production should garner it a spot on most lists. My initial qualms with the show stemmed from the seeming marginalization of the female characters. Based on the time and setting, it made sense, but that didn't mean they deserved to be afterthoughts. As the season progressed, however, I was very pleased to see the female characters taking center stage and becoming substantive movers and shakers in the narrative. As the season drew to a close, my qualms were fully assuaged. Rumors of storylines to come have also bolstered my confidence. It's not the easiest show to jump into if you haven't read the books, but I think the writers and producers did a nice job of paring down the cast and explaining who was who in a mostly non-oppressive manner. I have always appreciated a show that's willing to kill people off (as long as it makes sense for the story and isn't to the clear detriment of the show... *cough* Once Upon a Time *cough*), and Game of Thrones does not hold back. I had heard that the characters who start off the series are not the ones you end up with in the end, but this didn't truly hit home until Ned was beheaded. That takes balls. As much as I enjoyed Ned, killing him off was true to form and turned the narrative on its head. That's the kind of storytelling that keeps me on my toes and genuinely surprises me. When all bets are off, there's a terrifying sense of the unknown that I absolutely love and dread with equal measure. For someone who watches as much television as I do, it's not easy to quash my expectations, so when a show manages to achieve such a feat, it gets rewarded with a place on this list. Game of Thrones wasn't perfect, but it came close enough. I'd tune in just for Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish alone, but Robb Stark and Jon Snow don't hurt either. Now that the show has it's legs and a better grasp of how to turn this story into a series, I'm very hopeful that season 2 was be even more sensational that season 1. It'll certainly be just as expensive to produce. Wow, HBO knows how to loosen the purse-strings and I can't thank them enough.

COMMUNITY
No top 10 list would be complete without the best comedy on TV. No, not Modern Family. Indeed, while Community continues to push the boundaries and have me rolling in the aisles for new and surprising reasons each week, Modern Family seems to get more and more boring. I used to really enjoy the show, but more and more, I find myself smiling on occasion, and almost never laughing out loud. This is most delightedly not the case with Community. Most shows on TV can be likened to other contemporaries or predecessors, but Community is genuinely unlike any other show. In any given week, the show somehow manages to combine hilarious gags, clever jokes, erudite allusions, and a hell of a lot of heart with a willingness to play with form and narrative unlike any other show. You truly never know what exactly to expect from Community, whether it be a Spaghetti Western, a musical, an homage to an obscure movie, a parody of an entire genre, a more conventional comedy episode with a splash of anime, or anything and everything in between. They play with storytelling in a way that makes me smile every time. All the while, the show maintains its warmth and heart. The show isn't too cool for school, and it embraces it. Indeed, this collection of characters is probably the most endearing family on TV. Other comedies find themselves hitting the same beats again and again, what with comedy being a genre where true character growth and development is difficult to manage, but Community throws out the rulebook, giving it's characters real journeys to follow all the while making me crack up. I'm heartbroken that NBC has shelved the show until who-knows-when. I realize that the ratings are bad, but so are the ratings of every other show on the network. I don't want to live in a world where dreck like Whitney and dumbass shlock like Two and Half Men survive, but Community gets put on hiatus. Oh, America. You make me sad sometimes. I do hope that NBC keeps sucking just long enough for Community to get another season. They're only about a season away from being able to be sold into syndication, so hopefully NBC will take that into consideration. Come back, Community! Come back!!!

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
The CW doesn't often get a lot of love when it comes to critical acclaim, but more and more, even the hold-outs have had to admit that The Vampire Diaries is one hell of a show. No longer mistakenly thought of as a Twilight rip-off or True Blood lite, The Vampire Diaries has set itself apart as a kickass supernatural thriller. It's storytelling is tight and compelling, giving viewers a thrill-a-minute, tantalizing cliffhangers, and a surprising amount of depth and character advancement. Sure it has its flaws, but ounce for ounce, it's one of the best shows out there. While the last part of season two got a bit muddled with the moonstone and the curse, season 3 has been its best yet. Two of the best aspects of the show are that it's willing to kill off important and beloved characters and if a character doesn't need to be in an episode he/she isn't in it. True Blood could learn a lot from TVD in this regard. TVD blazes through story at a breakneck pace, introducing new characters and killing off others in near equal measure. This keeps the cast from spiraling out of control the way that True Blood has. What's more, the storytelling is tight and interlaced among the characters. While True Blood has about 87 different storylines going at once, half of which have nothing to do with the others, TVD brings everything together in the most tantalizing of possible ways, ending each episode (if not each segment) with a jaw-dropping cliffhanger. There's an insane amount of character history and supernatural mythology that has been doled out over the past two and a half seasons, but somehow the show makes it all work (well, mostly). When Rebekah revealed the history of her family, the origins of werewolves, the original vampires, her brother as a hybrid, the sun and the moon curse, and everything in between, it... actually made a lot of sense! Sure there are certain things that we just kind of ignore, but for the most part, the writers put it altogether in a way that worked. No small feat, that. The show also manages to impart all of that history and mythology in a captivating way. Seriously, where most shows put me to sleep with plot exposition and info dumps, TVD makes those some of their best episodes. Seriously, in a recent episode, the entirety of the actual action that took place was Elena talking to Rebekah while Damon and Stefan hung out. Sounds like a snooze-fest, but it was exciting, revelatory, and fabulous. Best of all? Elena and Stefan, who used to be on the bland and boring side, have become interesting and badass in their own ways. Evil Stefan is even better than I would have guessed and Elena has finally taken some control over her life. Now if we can just kill off Bonnie and Matt, we'll be good to go!

THE GOOD WIFE
This is one show that has received a fair bit of press on this blog (more so than the other deserving entries on this list), but I promise, it's still not enough. That this is one of the best dramas on TV goes against so many factors. The show airs on network TV, said network is CBS of all things, the show features actual adults, it tackles sensitive issues like religion, politics, and money in just about every episode, it's been moved around on the schedule, and it skews older in terms of demographic (for some unknown reason). And yet, it survives. This show is smart and sexy and has more than a few serial elements to it. In a network viewing landscape that has seen the success of one crappy crime procedural after another, The Good Wife bucks the trend. Thank god! Season 2 was absolutely amazing. Seriously, the last 5 or 6 episodes could each have served as the jaw-dropping, gut-wrenching season finale, but they just kept piling on the awesome, episode after episode, culminating in one of the best season finales I've ever seen. So good, in fact, that had the show been unjustly axed after season 2, it could have served as one hell of a send off. Season 3 hasn't quite kept pace with the insanity of the last half of season 2, but it's building slowly and surely. One of the most heartbreaking factors of season 2, Kalinda and Alicia's falling out, reverberates through season 3 in a very real, restrained way. One of the things I've always loved best about the show is that the female characters are allowed to have layers, agendas, and a well-rounded presence on the screen. They're also allowed to be friends. On most shows, women are invariably pitted as sexual rivals. On The Good Wife, as with the real world, women are friends, they support one another, and form complex bonds and relationships with one another. Seeing Kalinda and Alicia, the best of friends, fall apart was devastating, but seeing the slow easing of tensions over season 3 has been incredibly rewarding. This show knows how to hit all the right buttons and it doesn't casually forget about things that have happened before. I'm constantly amazed at how a person, an event, or a piece of information comes back many episodes later like a lightning bolt. This show has an amazing cast, an enviable list of guest stars, and Eli Gold to boot. Alan Cumming is completely magnetic as Eli, but this is so good that even when he's not in an episode, I don't notice until long after the show is done. As with The Vampire Diaries, The Good Wife knows how to economize storytelling. If they don't need a character, they don't have that character. Case closed. (Heh, get it? Case closed? They're lawyers? I'll shut up now.)

SHAMELESS
Any and all US imports of British shows are met with extreme scrutiny and prejudice from this humble TV watcher. The same goes for animated shows being adapted to live action. In general, I simply don't see the point. In most cases, the original is by far the superior and a remake or adaptation seems unnecessary and counter-intuitive. It's with this bias in mind that I'm surprised at how much I grew to love Showtime's US adaptation of Shameless, a raunchy British program that I was honestly not too familiar with. To this day, I've only seen a couple of the episodes of the British series, but to my delight, the US adaptation took the principles of its predecessor, made the show its own, and made it really damn good. It took me a couple of episodes to really invest in the show, finding William H. Macy's character to be more of a hindrance than a celebrity draw, but as the show settled in and found its feet, it managed to craft interesting, complex characters whose interdynamics sucked me right in. At its heart, Shameless is about a family. For all of its dysfunction, and there plenty to go around, at the end of the day, the burdens and traumas they suffer makes them one of the closest knit families on TV. When you're that poor, that desperate, and that downtrodden, all you have is each other. The family simply has to work together just to survive. On a less dire level, I can relate. My family was by no means as bad off as the Gallagher clan, but it was very clear to all of us from a very young age that we don't have the luxury of bickering or fighting or holding petty grudges. We're all in this together, and a lot of the time, that's all we have. In speaking with other people, I'm constantly amazed at how well my family got along, how close we all were (and are), and how willing we are to give relatives money without any expectation of repayment. I always assumed all families were like that when I was a kid, but as it turns out, we were in the minority. Anyhow, with the Gallaghers, this hits home in a number of social, psychological, and financial ways. It was so heartbreaking to watch Fiona, the eldest daughter turned mother, trying to break free of all the responsibility, only to find that she simply couldn't. The last few episodes of the season were tremendous and showed how this kind of close-knit dependence on one another has its wonderful aspects and also its insidious underpinnings. Her siblings want her to go, they know she's paid her dues, but she just can't leave them. What started out as a raunchy dramedy that was trying too hard to be shocking quickly morphed into a searing character piece with the family unit as a whole being the most important single character of all. It's been gone for entirely too long and I can't wait for season 2 to premiere early next year.

**HONORABLE MENTIONS**

Alphas
It's a genre show, but it genuinely managed to put a new spin on an old routine. Most importantly for any genre show, it focused on the characters as much as the storyline, so that helped turn it into quite a quality program by the end of its first season.

The Chicago Code
Gone, but not forgotten. I'm not a huge fan of cop shows, but this one was excellent. It's ratings weren't spectacular, but they were steady and decent. This show really had Fox's once chance at any kind of dramatic critical acclaim, but they opted for poorly crafted CG dinosaurs and a bickering family that just refused to get eaten by them instead. Boo.

Nikita
Season 2 hasn't quite had the same focus or narrative drive as season 1, but this show is still a solid genre show that knows how to craft a spy thriller. Covert Affairs should take notice. This show is 15 times more entertaining and exciting on 1/10th the budget. Where Covert Affairs is so bland this year the background is more interesting than the story, Nikita takes what it has and makes the most of it.

Hell on Wheels
I'm... not entirely sure why I'm enjoying this show so much. Nothing... really... happens. But, I find I get swept up in whatever is happening on screen and I don't seem to mind that over the course of several episodes, we've basically built 10 feet of railroad and... ridden some horses? Whatever the reason, I'm digging it.

Boardwalk Empire
If my list above were a top 11, this would have made the cut. It made last year's list, but their second season took a lot time to really get me enthralled. I got several episodes behind because I just didn't feel very invested anymore, but once I got caught up, I could appreciate that in a number of ways, it was better than ever.

White Collar
Aside from Suits, this is really the only other USA network offering that I'm excited about. This last year the show hit quite a stride, and while there were some casting decisions I still can't believe, on the whole, this is a light, fun caper with enough depth to keep me eagerly anticipating its return next month. And then, of course, there's Matt Bomer, so it may as well be a freeze-frame for 42 minutes and I'd be just as pleased.

Aside from my overall top shows of the year (and well-deserving honorable mentions), there were some other odds and ends and categories that I just had to include in my year-end review as well. Here are some random judgments and dubious distinctions...

Shows that Showed Signs of Recovery Only to Flatline Once Again:

• Glee
  After the craptastic second season, I had pretty low expectations for season 3. When the season started off and seemed to have gained a slight grasp of continuity and storytelling, I was ready to put this in the Most Improved Show category... Until a few episodes ago when it all got shitty again. Seriously, that Christmas episode was even more painful than usual.
  
  
• How I Met Your Mother
  Started off a bit better than expected, but then Lily and Marshall got pregnant, then Robin got pregnant, or didn't... oh, who the hell cares. It was awful either way.
  
  

Worst Hair and/or Clothes:

• Robin (How I Met Your Mother)
  Apparently barrenness leads to hideous hair and horrible wardrobe choices? That's all I can guess, because why else would they make her look that way?
  
  
• The Entire Cast (Parenthood)
  Okay, maybe not the entire cast, but I think it's safe to say they hit critical mass about 3 characters back. When you hit 80%, is there any real reason to split hairs? (Heh, get it? Oh lord, that pun was almost as bad as Haddie's permed bangs... sorry about that.)
  
  
• Dr. Reid (Criminal Minds)
  Not going to lie, he's the reason I started watching the show. His look and persona were a huge part of the draw. Now he has this unfortunate fuzzy, choppy something or other on his head and it just takes the charm away...
  
  
• Rachel (Glee)
  The storytelling wasn't the only casualty during season 2...
  
  

Best Chemistry:

• Damon and Elena (The Vampire Diaries)
  A lot of real-life couples fall flat on screen, but these two totally sizzle. Seriously, that (fully-clothed) scene where he ran his hand along her ribs was sexier than some of the most explicit sex scenes I've seen.
  
  
• Eli and Kalinda (The Good Wife)
  They may not be sleeping together (that I know of... that would be kind of awesome, actually), but the rapport between Alan Cumming and Archie Panjabi is completely irresistible. Eli's chemistry with just about anyone is giggle-worthy and fabulous, but with Kalinda, he sees a true peer. He doesn't bullshit her the way he does other people and she doesn't try to manipulate him the way should would someone else. The professional courtesy is hilarious and undeniable.
  
  
• Nolan and Tyler (Revenge)
  These two are both so conniving, so manipulative, and so driven that it's hard to know just what to make of them as a pair, but one thing is for sure, their chemistry is sexy as hell. Although Tyler might claim otherwise, I'm guessing they're both about a 3 on the Kinsey scale, so anything goes. Their couple portmanteau is "TyleNol" by the way, which is just about the best I've ever seen.
  
  

Speaking of Magnetism on Screen, Here are My Irrational TV Crushes of 2011:

• Robb Stark (Game of Thrones)
  It took me a while to really connect with the show, but his presence among the cast was never an equivocal one.
  
  
• Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad)
  Aaron Paul is such a tremendous actor that yes, I kinda sorta really adore a murderer/drug dealer. I mainly just want to give the guy a hug. He certainly needs one.
  
  
• Harvey Specter (Suits)
  As I mentioned above, I'm a little surprised by this one, but Gabriel Macht is just beautiful and he manages to make a slick, corporate, 1 percenter unbelievably sexy.
  
  
• Johnny Iuzzini (Top Chef: Just Desserts)
  Love him. Aside from being talented, charming, and easy on the eyes, he's a bit of a gay icon and he's totally fine with that (even though he's straight). That wins him a hell of a lot of points in my book. Rather than being threatened by attention from the gay community, he embraces it. WIN.
  
  
• Seymour Birkoff (Nikita)
  I know, I know, of all the beautiful people on that show, I'm in love with the snarky computer nerd. That's just how I roll. Not that Michael or Owen or Ryan or anyone else isn't a winner, but my heart belongs to Birkoff.
  
  
• Nikita (Nikita)
  Okay, it belongs to Birkoff or Nikita. It's a toss-up. Maggie Q is amazing. She simply could not be any more fabulous. Or badass. Or gorgeous. Could I be her when I grow up? Pretty please? Ooh, or Kalinda!
  
  
• Hardison (Leverage)
  It's a mid-level show, to be sure, but Hardison makes it all worth it. He's far and away the best part of the show and certainly the easiest to look at.
  
  
• Mitchell (Being Human UK)
  Goddamn, he's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, he slaughtered a train full of people... Still beautiful. Sometimes, it's what's on the outside that counts.
  
  
• Paulo (The Borgias)
  Okay, I admit his hair is not doing him any favors, but that's what you get when you're cast in a period piece. That said, Luke Pasqualino will always be Freddie to me and that's really all it takes. My darling Freddie (sob). Love him. Unfortunate historically-accurate haircut and all.
  
  
• Nolan (Revenge)
  He may not be the most conventionally attractive guy on the show, but for me, personality, character, and intelligence count for about 80%. Being a 3 on the Kinsey scale certainly doesn't hurt either.
  
  
• Tim Gutterson (Justified)
  His character is pretty much the exact opposite of what I would ever really want, but I just adore him. Seriously, a law enforcement officer with a history in the military? Yikes. And yet, his manner is so appealing and his demeanor so chill, I just can't help myself.
  
  
• Jai Wilcox (Covert Affairs)
  Sure it took me an entire season to stop calling him Mohinder, but that in no way diminishes the pretty. It's a very attractive cast in general (you know, as opposed to all those shows with ugly people), but he takes the cake. Not that he'd be able to eat it, but still. It may be a boring show, but the scenery is nice.
  
  
• Damon (The Vampire Diaries)
  No list of TV crushes would be complete without Damon Salvatore making an entry. It's a plain and simple fact that's beyond reproach or argument.

Well, kiddies, I think that's it for me this year. I'm hoping to be less of a slacker as the new year begins, but I excel at not giving a shit. We'll see. Happy viewing!

I hate that show! And yet...

...I keep watching. Sometimes you just can't help yourself.

Hello my darling blog-readers (both of you). I kind of fell of the radar for a while there, but it has nothing to do with TV. If anything, TV is one of the few things keeping me from hurling myself in front of a bus. For various, mostly health-related reasons, my life has fallen apart around me, now largely comprised of teeny, tiny shards of bitterness and ugly crying. I finally gave up on ever feeling better ever again about a month ago and kinda, sorta stopped caring about most aspects of my life. Including blogging. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even TV lost some of its luster and my enthusiasm for ranting and raving about it on this blog fell by the wayside. Seriously, you know those commercials for anti-depressants that have people sitting by windows wearing cable-knit sweaters and staring off into space? And then a sad, but eager dog walks into the room with a ball or a leash or something and the person feels even worse? That's pretty much where I've been lately. I always thought those ads were just cheesy, but after the year I've had, I've honestly starting thinking that maybe, just maybe, depression hurts, but Cymbalta can help. Well played, manipulative advertisers!

Anyway, that's all really just a preamble to the actual blogpost about shows I hate, but still watch. Unless of course, you majored in English and assume that I'm viewing my own experiences through the lens of television, translating the pathetic heap that is my life into a theoretical construct whereby I'm the star of my own show and it's a show I hate. 'Cause, you know, that's just how we roll. My inability to stop watching or help myself is manifested in the kind of show that you wish you could break up with, but simply can't. Much like these!:

PARENTHOOD
My brother and I both end up watching this show, but note frequently how much we hate it. My willingness to watch a show that annoys the ever-loving shit out of me somewhat spurs from the fact that the show is in an uncrowded timeslot (now that The Good Wife has moved to Sundays), but more than anything, this show is, far and away, the show I most love talking about just how much I hate it. There are just so many layers and facets to my hatred for the show! How could I give that up? The girls at work and I rehash the shows many non-sensical fights, juvenile decision-making skills, and impatient story-telling with a fair bit of fervor the following day and while the show drives me up the effing wall, the discussions make it all worth it. Why do I hate this show that show many critics and fans adore? The short version is that 1) the adults on this show act like petulant junior high school students, 2) the show has a sprawling cast of annoying characters, only a few of which do I care about, and most important of all, 3) the writers refuse to take their time. I could forgive a lot of the ridiculous fighting between family members (although holy shit, if my family fought this often, I'd have killed myself years ago) if the reasons for the fights were established in a more logical, deliberate fashion. Most recently, the show introduced Rachel, the young sexy secretary at the Luncheonette, much to the chagrin of new-mom Christina. Okay, fine. Sure it's a story that's as old as time, but I tried to be open-minded. Turns out, I should have been more cautious. The writers could have established Rachel over time as a real person that the audience actually cares about, but instead they tossed her into the mix as a cardboard cut-out sexpot with no personality or individuality. What's worse, they went for the inappropriate kiss with Adam like, the next week. Even worse than that, the writers immediately turned Christina's and Adam's marriage nuclear as a result. UGH. More than anything, I hate Parenthood because it could be so, so good, and it just isn't. The writers refuse to let the tension build, they seem pathologically unable to set up conflicts that make a whole lot of sense, and they go straight for the explosion without even lighting the fuse. If this were a comedy, they'd be hitting the punchline without telling the joke. When you deliver the punchline early, it's not funny. When you jump to the knock-down, drag-out argument without establishing the reasons, it loses most of its impact. This is basically the boy who cried wolf, only with childish, petty adults bitching at one another over nothing. After a while, you just stop listening. Had the writers taken their time with the Rachel storyline, played is slowly and subtly, allowing viewers to become invested in her as a character and allowing Christina's suspicions and insecurities build, the fight between her and Adam could have been devastating and gripping. As is, it's just another Tuesday at the Braverman house where Christina is the stereotypical nag and her husband is the hapless saint. Man alive, you'd think that people who fight this often would be better at it, but most of Christina's arguments fell flat or had no foundation and that just makes her unlikable and unsympathetic. When I take a step back and build up the necessary foundation in my head for Christina's instability and nervous breakdown, it honestly does make sense to me. But as it's presented, it just feels like the writers were too afraid to really examine what's going on with her and just went for the fireworks instead. For me, watching someone's gradual breakdown is far more gripping than a bickering match, but maybe that's just me. Shows like Breaking Bad and The Good Wife take their time. They slow-play the tension for as long as they can, tightening the noose, turning the knife, till the conflict boils over. When that's where an argument comes from, it's mesmerizing. With Parenthood? It's pat. I would love for the writers to take a chance on subtlety and let the storylines really simmer for a while. Were I writing the Rachel arc, I would have established her as a person the audience actually cares about while at the same time illuminating Adam's frustrations with his marriage and Christina's insecurities. When the time came for the kiss (assuming I'm following the basic structure they already took), I would have had the circumstances be more ambiguous. As is, this poor girl got drunk, pretty much accidentally kissed her boss and felt completely foolish over the whole thing. I'm sorry, that's just not grounds for World War III even if Adam did lie to her about firing Rachel. If I were writing this, I would have had the kiss be more of a kiss, made Adam's response to it more conflicted and uncertain, then had him downplay it's importance to Christina (assuming we live in a world where he ever would have told her in the first place). That way, when he and Christina fight, she's had time to get more and more justifiably concerned about the situation, he's had time to get conflicted about his own feelings, and Rachel is someone whose fate I'm actually invested in. When you go straight for the big finish, I don't sympathize with Christina, Adam just seems like a dolt, and I can barely remember Rachel's name. The show really could be awesome, much like the executive producer's previous project Friday Night Lights, but instead, it seems like an abridged Lifetime movie or a never-ending serious of "previously on" clips. It has its moments, it really does (Julia has been about 800% more likable this year), it just doesn't use those to make the series as good as it could be. Great bones to work with, frustrating-as-hell execution. Particularly in the hair and make-up this year.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
I've actually hated this show for a couple of years now, but god help me, I just keep watching. This one mostly boils down to time commitment. It's literally 21 minutes out of my week, so even though most episodes are pretty disappointing, and even though this season has flown even more off the rails than ever, it's just so damn easy to keep going. I think the recent revelation that Robin is pregnant was the final straw for me though. UGH. Are you kidding me?! So awful, so stupid, so... everything. I could go on and on about this, but I'll try to keep it short. I used to adore Robin as a character. I watched an episode from back in the day last night and it was like a sobering punch in the face, highlighting in excruciating detail what the writers have done to a character I once adored. I loved having a female character on TV who wasn't a simpering idiot, a dependent damsel, or a stereotypical lonely single woman who just wants to get married and have babies. She was smart, funny, easy-going, and wanted to live her life on her own terms. Now? Jesus, the hollow husk that is Robin is basically unrecognizable, and that's not just because of her hideous hair and clothes this season. What the hell happened to her? She somehow became this high-strung, irritating, shrill caricature who has ended up pregnant and doesn't seem to know what to do. Luckily, she became the polar opposite of who her character used to be at exactly the same time Barney became the antithesis of who he used to be! What a crazy, random happenstance! Look, I'm not saying that people can't change over time, but Robin's erratic meltdown over being pregnant and Barney's newfound love of relationships and babies is just ridiculous. If Robin really is who she used to be, a smart, savvy, independent woman who doesn't want children, she'd have an abortion and be done with it. I know, I know, this is a comedy where things like actual reality apparently never happen, but if that's the case, then maybe you shouldn't have such a character get pregnant. The Robin I once knew wouldn't fall apart like this, she'd take charge, terminate the pregnancy she never wanted and wouldn't have the children she can't stand. Barney would have been completely on board with this plan. The new and not improved versions of these characters will, I'm sure, go through with the pregnancy and never even mention abortion as an option. It's infuriating. God, it's like in Knocked Up where she ends up pregnant after a one-night stand, doesn't want the child, knows it will derail her life, and yet, what can ya do? It's not like there's a way to end a pregnancy or anything. Dear How I Met Your Mother, what the hell happened? When did you forget who these characters are and how to write for them? When did you decide that you didn't care enough about your female characters to give them anything beyond the stereotype (Lily has turned into quite a peach as well)? I've wanted to break up with this show for years now, what with the identity of the mother seemingly 34 seasons away, but there's always just enough to keep me tethered. I stopped caring about Ted ages ago (who?), and the rest of the cast have turned into irritating caricatures of themselves, but in spite of all that, there's always just enough to enjoy. It still has its moments, I grant that. But the crazy train of pregnant Robin might be more than I can stomach. So disappointing. So stupid. I'd say so jump-the-sharky, but we passed that milestone ages ago.

HART OF DIXIE
Oh dear god, this show is terrible. And my excuse for continuing to watch could not be flimsier. Quite simply put, it's in the dreariest timeslot on the least-crowded night of the week. Literally, it has no competition at all. That is the only reason I watch it. I don't even have a season pass. I just take a look at what's on, find out that there's nothing, and begrudgingly watch this show. The second anything else appears, this one's a goner. I never had anything even resembling high hopes for this one, but with the creative team in mind, I was hopeful that maybe I was wrong. I most certainly was not. It's just so, so bad. The set-up is completely lame, Rachel Bilson, god bless her, is a truly terribly actor, and there's absolutely no narrative drive to speak of. It's basically just a random small town with some stereotypes living there where some meaningless events happen and no one cares. None of the characters are interesting or endearing (particularly Zoe) and the writers just can't seem to get a bead on how to make this show work. The whole fish-out-of-water thing was old before the show even started, but they just keep at it. Dear show, that horse is dead. Worst of all, they use the sets from Gilmore Girls and True Blood. On the one hand, one of the only good things about this show is that you get to remember episodes of far better shows when they walk by Lane's house or have a beer at Merlotte's, but on the other, much bigger hand, it reminds you of shows you'd rather be watching. Sigh. It's hardly worth even mentioning. This show is so insignificant and the writing is so poor that it's truly embarrassing to admit to watching it. The real takeaway lesson learned with this one is that Rachel Bilson is Summer Roberts. That wasn't acting at all. And the day I believe Summer Roberts is a cardiovascular surgeon is the day I officially hand in my professional television watcher membership. If nothing else, I'll know better than to give a show with her as the star a chance. She could maybe work with a true ensemble, but this show has a weak anchor and hardly any supporting players worth mentioning. This one is truly terrible and shows no signs of improving. It may go on for 10 years (you have fun with this pile of shit, CW), but that doesn't make it good.