Well, kiddies, March is upon us. That's means we're in for a major slump in new programming. February is a sweeps month (hence all the explosions and whatnot), and shows end their seasons in May (yet another sweeps month), so March is the wayward middle child who gets no attention. Quite frankly, it it weren't for cable, I'd be in sorry shape right now. Anyway, there may be some slim pickins in the weeks to come, but here's what struck me this week.
Saddest Kiss: Being Human (UK)
This show has the most amazing ability to balance the utterly hilarious and the completely heart-breaking. It never does anything in the straight-forward way that you’d except and always keeps you on your toes. Having alluding to an Annie/Mitchell hook-up in previous episodes, viewers knew something was coming, but I don’t think any of us expected the long-awaited kiss to come in such a devastating way. Poor Mitchell. Guy just can’t catch a break. Honestly, you slaughter a few people on a train and everything just falls apart.
Mediocre-est New Show: Breakout Kings
I neither liked nor disliked this show enough to write a full post about it. Plus, with it airing on A&E, I’m probably the only one who saw it anyways. It’s essentially the Mod Squad, but with the US Marshals holding the reins and the convicts only allowed out of prison for each case. It’s a concept that’s been done a million times because it’s usually pretty successful. With Breakout Kings, I think we have an unfortunate case of “Lots of potential, failed execution.” It wasn’t a total disaster, but if I had to sum the pilot up in two words or less, I’d go with “seriously flawed.” Those were actually the first words out of my mouth as the pilot drew to a close. The real problem with the show is that the writers seemed to be having a hell of a time coming up with things for the convicts to do. It really shouldn’t be that hard to find awesome uses for their criminal talents, but the pilot basically had one guy pick a lock, the token hot chick hit on a guy to steal his cell phone (I got the disconcerting feeling that the writers seriously didn’t know what to do with her character) and get free breakfast, and the ever-present socially-awkward genius on these shows (he’s basically Dr. Reid) determined that a girl was telling the truth. Um, yay? For a concept like this, I was surprisingly bored. The Dr. Reid of the show is the real star and was the only character that I actually invested in. He’s played by Jimmi Simpson (who played Mary in the Mr. Yang episodes of Psych) and he’s the only actor who really brought anything special to the table. I don’t think he’ll be able to make up for the rest of the cast, but he made it worth it for me to give the show one more week. Theoretically, this show should be exciting and awesome, so maybe there’s still a chance. After only the pilot, however, I’m very tempted to just stick with White Collar for all my cop/criminal alliance needs. I’d give the Breakout Kings pilot a C-.
Most Heavy-Handed, yet Ambiguous Metaphor: Soda Destruction on Shameless
So… as a card-carrying English major, I’ve been trained to look beneath the surface, but not always with successful or pleasant results. At first glance, a vigorous sex scene between Karen and Lip intercut with a scene of Carl tossing a 2-liter bottle of soda off a ledge and exploding on impact (“Shatter-proof, my ass…”) seemed mildly incongruous. After about a second and a half of thinking however, I can’t decide if the exploding soda was a metaphor for sexual climax or it goes beyond that and points to a condom breaking (in which case, an unfortunate pregnancy storyline will likely be forthcoming). I’m hoping for the former, but I have a sinking feeling it’s the latter.
Most Devastating Reunion: Mama Gallagher on Shameless
This show was little hit or miss at the beginning, but in recent episodes it seems to have really hit its stride. Sunday’s outing was excellent in general, but really became a force to be reckoned with in its final scenes. I’d been wondering whatever happened to their mother (Monica) since day one, and now we know. Turns out, Frank was the better parental option. Ouch. To have their mother desert them in the first place must have been devastating, but to have her return intent on taking the younger children? That’s just unbearably cruel. Especially for Fiona, who was forced to step in and be the mother for the past two years. Man alive, seeing Carl and Debbie hug Monica after she asks to be their mother again was like a punch in the face. It’s understandable that 9 and 10 year old kids would be able to look past the desertion in the interest of getting mommy back, but that doesn’t take away the sting. This show does a wonderful job of exploring how different a family dynamic is for younger and older children and it always shows on the faces of the older kids just how screwed up things really are.
Best Reason to Reunite with an Ex: House
I broke up with this show at the beginning of this season, but, upon hearing about Monday’s episode, decided to tune in. A singing, dancing, piano-playing House? Um, yes please. Aside from the boring-as-ever random patient of the week, it was a wonderful episode that managed to take an unbelievably tired routine and make it something special. Asking Mia Micheals to choreograph was the first step in the right direction. The other genre nods were entertaining and all, but the warped Busby Berkeley number was tremendous.
Soundest Termination: Charlie Sheen
Um, WINNING. (That would be society.)
Most Ridiculous Deluge of New Pilots: Click HERE for a list of all the newest pilots and the array of talent attached to them. Please bear in mind that a pilot being filmed does not mean that a show will necessarily show up on your TV anytime soon (or ever, in a lot of cases). From what I’ve read, there may be a few winners this coming fall, but by and large, it’s more of the same shit.
Most Disconcerting Tease: True Blood promo for season 4
Well, Eric has apparently lost his memory… which, at a thousand years old, is quite a lot to lose. I’m not sure how I feel about this. Eric is the primary reason I watch the show, so if Eric isn’t Eric, does it make a sound? You know what I mean.
Best Attempt at a Return to Form: Glee
So, after over a month of nothing but lackluster, disappointing episodes courtesy of Ian Brennan and Ryan Murphy, we finally got a Brad Falchuk episode to ease the pain. It wasn’t one of his best episodes, but even his worst attempts are generally better than his fellow writers. What’s this? Emotional resonance and character development?! Huzah! I could live without the PSAs though, I have to say. Dear Glee, Let the action speak louder than words. If the narrative is strong enough, you don’t need to have your characters say exactly how you feel about an issue. Sheesh. I keep expect that “The more you know” star to shoot across the screen.
Gag that Would Have Been a Whole Lot Awesomer if Arrested Development Hadn’t Done it First (and Better): Glee’s rendition of Afternoon Delight
It was still pretty funny, but it mostly just made me pine for the good old days. Indeed, the discussion of Arrested Development’s version with the fam made me miss half the Glee edition.
Best Game Changer: The White Collar season finale… with Neal’s storage unit of fun.
Best Performance: Michael Cudlitz for the season finale of Southland
To be fair, it was hard to pick just one actor who stood out (the cast on that show is amazing), but I think Cudlitz takes the cake (or the vicodin, as it were). “I’m a cop,” he notes upon checking into rehab for substance abuse… Understated, yet heartbreaking, as always. Well done.
Most Obviously Political Decision: Carla is sent packing on Top Chef, not Antonia
Based on their dishes and the judges initial perceptions of those dishes, Antonia should have gone home. Her dish was poorly conceived and poorly executed. Carla’s dish at least had a promising idea behind it. But, Antonia has been a shining star lately, and is a favorite to win, so the judges and producers of the show gave her a pass. Don’t get me wrong, of the four finalists (who happen to be some of the least-likely All Stars to make it this far), she’s really the only one who can really challenge Richard Blais. He’s really the only finalist that I really thought would be a finalist. I’ve been pulling for his since day one, but he’s been revealed to be kind of a dick in these past few episodes, so now I don’t really care who wins. So long as it’s anyone but Mike Isabella, I’m happy.
Toughest Love: Mags Bennett on Justified
Wow… This show has a slower, more deliberate pace than most which lulls you into a comfort zone just in time for moments of absolute horror. The smooth Kentucky feel actually makes the terror more effective because you just never know when a quiet conversation over Apple Pie Moonshine might turn into a murder. Most recently, Mags’ brand of justice reared its ugly head on Coover’s hand… with a hammer. Yi-hikes.
Most Refreshing Dismissal of Protocol in the Face of a Disastrous Showing: Face Off
This show usually allows the challenge winner to recommend someone to go home to the judges, but after Megan’s spectacular failure in the disguise challenge (she basically just gave herself a spray-tan and a wig—my god! It’s like she’s disappeared!), the judges thankfully dismissed with the formality and just sent her packing immediately. Look, Megan, I realize your facial prosthetics weren't working (what with your total lack of skill and all), but it would have been more admirable to have presented sub-par prosthetics than to have given up completely. Ridiculous. And the judges knew it. No need for a recommendation, no need for discussion or deliberation, she was the clear loser and everyone knew it. Way to not waste my time, show. Much appreciated. Had you sent her home three weeks ago like she deserved, I’d have been even more impressed, but this works too.
Best Reason to Rewatch Season 2 of True Blood: The only new show that evening is Bones
Yep, I had a brand new episode just sitting there on the DVR, yet I opted to rewatch True Blood instead. The only reason I recorded it in the first place was because of the total lack of anything else, but even that wasn’t enough incentive.
Clearest Indiacation that Someone at Jeopardy is a Batman Fan: The two competitors challenging returning champion Mike were named Harley and Quinn
You have no idea how much this made my day. There's no way that was a coincidence. Those just aren't common enough names. They were even standing in the right order with Harley in the middle and Quinn on the far right. Harley Quinn! Ha! I love it!
**Quotes of the Week**
Library Aide: “I’ve got a signed first edition of Harry Potter.”
Debbie: “Overrated. Made a better movie than a book. And now with all those kid actors grown up, they’re scarier-looking than the villains.”
--Debbie, on Shameless. I assume she was mainly talking about Ron… (Boy, I’m not generally fond of kids on shows, but little 10-year-old Debbie is fantastic.)
“I thought we were supposed to be the scary ones!”
--George, Being Human (UK). No, George, I’m afraid you’re just adorable. Well, most of the time…
“It wasn't always known as White Collar. The series was pitched as Commuted, with the tagline: ‘He ended his sentence with a proposition.’”
--Oh dear lord, that’s fabulous! I don’t love the title Commuted in and of itself, but that tagline cracks me up. The English major within is very, very happy.
Neal: “I haven’t lied to you, Peter. I’m not lying to you now. I didn’t steal the art.”
Peter: “I think you did.”
Neal: “Then prove it. Prove it.”
--Oooh, next season of White Collar is going to be insane, people. Ahhhh!
“Love these ‘Thousands Of Fish Die’ stories. They raise a lot more excitement than our ‘Thousands Of Sudanese Die’ stories.”
--via twitter, courtesy of BrookeAlvarez from The Onion News Network. Gotta love The Onion.
“You’re like the hillbilly whisperer, Raylan.”
--Art noting Raylan’s way with hicks on Justified.
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