Week-In-Review 4.3

Still sick as a dog, but here we are. To add insult to injury, the CW kinda sorta really sucks at their job. Seriously, you guys have one thing to do and you just can't seem to do it. Pathetic.

TV Cross-Connection of the Week: Grandma Florrick on The Good Wife was Grams on Dawson’s Creek
Given that she's basically playing the exact same character, I really should have realized it sooner, but no.

Best Impression: Jon Stewart as Glenn Beck
Jon Stewart is my hero. Period.

Worst Way to Go: Cheese Cutter Garrote on The Borgias… or was it the half-assed poison?
Upon reflection, regarding the cheese wire decapitation of the guard, even Ceseare was like, “Yeah, let’s not do that anymore… Oh no, keep killing people, just not like that.” Although the poisoning didn’t exactly go according to plan, what with the writhing in agony for hours and ultimately having to be smothered with a pillow. (In case you missed it, this show isn’t exactly a huge fan of subtlety. Or people living very long.)

Biggest Whiners: The Chicago Code
In general, I would sympathize with those suffering from a heat wave, but as I gaze out my window at the snow falling, my only thought is: Heat wave? Yes, please.

Most Believable Copping: Theresa on The Chicago Code
So often with cop shows, when it comes to actual policing, the actors are either over the top or totally unconvincing. But when Theresa Colvin tells you to put the gun down, you put the gun down. Nice job, you maniac, you.

Cartooniest Progression: Barney on HIMYM… or was it Lily?
Sigh. This season of HIMYM has been a hell of a lot better than last, but the characters are quickly becoming caricatures. That ridiculous and irritating storyline with Barney and the meatball sub was just lame. This season, it seems that Barney is either a total cartoon or is brooding over emotional baggage. That’s a fine line to walk and it’s not really working. What’s worse, he’s not the only one. What the hell happened to Lily? I used to adore her, but now? I’m with TVWithoutPity on this one, “Lily was once a likable, semi-rational character on #HIMYM, wasn't she? It's been so long, it's hard to remember.” I think the show’s next set of flashbacks should be back to seasons 1 and 2 when I actually liked these people.

Most Disappointing Season Finale: Being Human US
A lackluster end to a meh season. The show kept having glimmers of potential, but very few were realized. Maybe if I hadn’t seen the UK version I’d have been more enamored of this one, but at every turn, I couldn’t help but to think of how the UK version handled a storyline in invariably better ways. The US version just feels like one missed opportunity after another. The pilot was quite promising, but it ultimately let me down.

Best Season Finale: Being Human UK
Okay, given that the US and UK versions of Being Human were the only finales this week, the bar was set pretty low, but even if it were stacked up against an entire slate of finales, the UK version would hold its own. Wow. US version, take a lesson.

Worst Parenting: Basically the entire cast of Parenthood
I keep trying to not hate this show, because it does have its good points, but overall, it’s just irritating as hell. If I had grown up with any of these people as my parents, I’d have made a run for it at age 6. Each member of the cast is more ridiculous than the last and the level of cheese they’re injecting into every episode would put those Cheez-It commercials to shame.

Biggest Heartbreaker: Alicia on The Good Wife
The ramifications of Kalinda’s affair with Peter have already been theorized on this blog, and even though I knew it was coming, it was still tough to watch. The writers of this show are so, so good. Just as Alicia puts the pieces together and realizes that her husband slept with her (now) best friend, the room full of Peter’s supporters break into For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow. Ouch. My friend Jahn tends to crucify Kalinda for not telling Alicia, but in all honestly, I don’t think anyone would, let alone Kalinda. For probably the first time in her life, she’s not in complete control of information and she doesn’t know what to do. I really think that deep down, Kalinda was sure that somehow, some way, she could keep this under wraps. Based on precedent, she must be pretty astounded that she couldn’t.

Second Biggest Heartbreaker/Couple I Never Knew I Wanted Together: Eli and Natalie on The Good Wife
How’s that for an odd couple? And yet, I find myself hoping that America Ferrera shows up again in the future. I’m as shocked as you are. On paper, the thought of them as a romantic pairing is kind of ridiculous, but in reality, it works amazingly well.

Best Kiss: Boyd and Ava on Justified
The thought of Boyd and Ava ever getting together was an impossibility during season 1, but with the current season, it makes perfect sense. The actors have wonderful chemistry together and I’m excited to see how things play out. I’m also glad to see that Ava will have more to do than hang around the house all day. Of course, know Ava, that probably just means she’ll get kidnapped. For the third time.

Most Addictive New Website: Cute Roulette
You know, in case there was ever a threat of me getting things done at work...

Meh-iest New Show: Happy Endings As per the AV Club, #HappyEndings: "Hard to hate. Also hard to love." It wasn’t really all that funny, but in terms of half-hour sitcoms, it was by no means the worst thing I’ve seen. I guess it could potentially turn into something more memorable, but at this point, it’s just another in a long line of Friends rip-offs that can’t quite get off the ground. Plus, it has Elisha Cuthbert in it, so that’s prohibitive right there. Pilot Grade: C+

Unjust-est Elimination: Sue on Top Chef Masters
Okay, I realize that there’s really no way that Sue was going to win the competition or anything, but to eliminate her because the show didn’t provide enough kitchen space or equipment for her to cook? That’s just ridiculous. She and Suvir totally got screwed on this one. I found myself growing more and more pissed off as the episode progressed. Dear Top Chef, it’s fine to throw crazy challenges at them, but for hell’s sake, at least give them a chance of succeeding. Ridiculous. Instead of expressing your condolences to participants for the crappy conditions, here’s a novel idea, FIX THE CONDITIONS!

Worst Local Affiliate: CW30
Holy hell, this has to stop! My local CW affiliate has a long and aggravating history of sucking at their jobs, but last night was the final straw. I’ve endured many years of shows having occasional weird audio, visual screw-ups, and whatnot, but cutting off the last half of The Vampire Diaries and the first half of Nikita with an episode of That 70s Show is way over the line. The audio was screwed up from minute one, so I should have known that someone was asleep at the wheel. Again. Maybe they’ve started hiring ex-air traffic controllers… Long story short, I didn’t really get to watch either show, which in my universe, is tantamount to death by firing squad. I went to bed at 10 o’clock. That’s just sad.

**Quotes of the Week**

“No surprise. Mental illness can be fascinating. RT @thewrap: #ExtremeCouponing Debut Pays Off Big for TLC.”
-- TVWithoutPity, via twitter. Those couponers are insane. I will happily pay full price for every item in the store if it means I don’t have to take three binders full of little scraps of paper to the store and then follow a detailed game plan during checkout. If they spent half the time working that they spend preparing to hit the Safeway, they’d have enough money to not worry about finding a great deal. These people are basically organized hoarders. Not that people don’t need 68 bottles of mustard at a time…

“Belated congrats to Robert Sean Leonard on his impending escape from #House. Never look back.”
-- TVWithoutPity via twitter. Word.

“Caroline was frantically trying to figure out the Matt situation. She hadn't seen or heard from him ever since she came clean about being a vampire the night before. So then there she was trying to place a very important phone call using a hands-free device in a PARKED CAR? Come on, weirdo! Also, quit it, Ford. Nobody wants to buy a Fiesta. Or maybe we should Bing it?”
--Price Peterson for tv.com, skewering the omnipresent and obnoxious product placements in The Vampire Diaries.

“Don’t confuse me with your reasonableness.”
--Castle

Kalinda: “What do you think?”
Will: "I think she's fantastic."
Kalinda: "I think she just won him the election."
Will: "Probably."
Kalinda: "You should tell her how fantastic she is."
Will: "She knows."
Kalinda: "You should tell her. People like to be told."
--The Good Wife. Methinks this is Kalinda’s way of softening the blow to Alicia about the affair. Hey, at least she’s got Will, right? Good luck with that...

“Pray for me.”
--Michael Ausiello, via twitter, preparing for THIS. Godspeed, good buddy.

“I am so glad Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has finally hired out his pretty face to a respectable TV show. The failed pilot parade was getting sad.”
--JenniferArrow, via twitter. Just one of the many reasons I’m excited for Game of Thrones.

“My name is Boyd Crowder. You can come after me if you like, but it’ll be the last thing you ever do.”
--Justified. I am beyond stoked for a return of Bad Boyd. You’ve been missed.

“Joss Whedon is no Michael Bay. Thank goodness for that. An Avengers film made with a ‘bigger is better’ mentality is the last thing we need.”
--Matthew Hurd at popmatters.com. Hear, hear!

“Remember how they claimed LOST needed an end date because there was a planned ending in mind? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA. Man, that was rich.”
--JenniferArrow via twitter. I haven’t actually finished Lost yet, but I can already tell that this is where we’re headed. It’s half the reason I’m having such a hard time powering through. It’s already spinning its wheels and I still have over two seasons to get through.

“I remember when I was growing up, the rule was, ‘Don’t call anyone after 10 p.m.,’ ” Mr. Adler said. “Now the rule is, ‘Don’t call anyone. Ever.’ ”
--quote from a New York Times article by Pamela Paul.

“But heaven forbid you actually have to listen — especially to voice mail. The standard “let the audience know this person is a loser” scene in movies where the forlorn heroine returns from a night of cat-sitting to an answering machine that bleats “you have no messages” would cause confusion with contemporary viewers. Who doesn’t heave a huge sigh of relief to find there’s no voice mail? Is it worth punching in a protracted series of codes and passwords to listen to some three-hour-old voice say, “call me” when you could glance at caller ID and return the call — or better yet, e-mail back instead?”
--Pamela Paul, again. It’s a really good article (linked above). I hate the phone. Indeed, if there were a way that I could just play excerpts from that article as my voicemail message at work, I certainly would.