ABC Pilots: Volume 2

I don't know exactly what ABC's schedule looks like for next year (they're so thoroughly subject to change that I don't generally bother until the time comes--plus, with the DVR, it doesn't really matter), but, given the sheer (shear?) volume, I have to assume that several of their pilots will premiere at midseason... It's looking like V, Deep End, and Happy Town will all start up around January. I am finally, finally, finally getting around to the rest of ABC's lineup. I tried to coax Annie into taking the reins on these, but she had a lot of non-wedding anniversary stuff to take care of...

At any rate, the rest of the contenders (those who weren't included in volume 1) are as follows:

THE FORGOTTEN


My Take: Well, right off the bat, for a show with as serious a subject matter as this, it seems pretty spectacularly cheesetastic... although I suppose that's a natural extension of earnest self-importance... It's honestly kind of difficult to even assess this kind of show after a while. This is an admittedly different angle on the procedural, but I'm not sure it's an improvement. Although the approach is a bit different, the end result and ultimate goals are still largely the same. This puts a bit more focus on identifying the victim than your usual crime show, but I don't think that's enough to re-invent this particular wheel. The victim's voice-over didn't really work for me and I'm hoping that was for the sake of the pilot and not an ongoing motif, but I'm guessing I'm wrong. In all honesty, this show will look a hell of a lot different when it actually becomes a series. Several cast changes have already been made, including the lead, and not for the better... Hot off the ignominious failure that was My Own Worst Enemy, Christian Slater will play Alex Donovan, a former lawman who heads up the "Identity Network" (which sounds more like a social networking site than a super-duper crime fighting team to me). The role was filled in the pilot by British actor Rupert Penry-Jones (BBC's Spooks). Also, the role of Linda is being recast as well. She was played in the pilot by Reiko Aylesworth from 24. Anyway, when major cast shake-ups occur, usually the whole entity undergoes some serious changes, so I expect this will turn into something quite different than what we're seeing now. Given the changes so far, and the fact that Jerry Bruckheimer has his sticky fingers involved, I'm afraid the changes won't be for the better.

Bottom Line? I think this is going to be yet another derivative crime procedural in an already overcrowded sea of derivative crime procedurals. I'll give it a shot, but I think my quota has already been filled.

V


My Take: I have to say, of all the pilots coming out this fall, V looks like it has the most potential for awesomeness. This series is based on a miniseries from the 80s that has a fairly substantial cult following. I never actually saw the miniseries, so I'll be embarking into this territory without any pre-conceived notions. Not only does the concept have a lot of potential, but the show boasts a pretty impressive cast thus far. Elizabeth Mitchell (of Lost fame) is headlining the show and she is joined by various Whedon alums who play fellow FBI peeps and aliens alike. The giant face in the sky belongs to Morena Baccarin (aka Inara from Firefly) and I believe that was Alan Tudyk playing one of Mitchells FBI comrades (I've heard conflicting information about his involvement in the show, but I'm wagering he'll be at least a recurring character, if not a regular). At first, it has an unfortunate Independence Day vibe, but fortunately said vibe was stolen from much better source materials, so I'm confident V will hold its own and avoid any and all Will Smith-related comparisons (I've only seen the trailer and can tell you it deserves much better). It may just be the sci-fi geek inside me, but I'm kinda sorta totally stoked to see Morena and company lull humanity into a stupor of admiration and devotion and then destroy the whole lot... Call me crazy, but that sounds like a grand old time. :) Sci-fi has had a hard run over the past few years, so I'm hoping to hell this show really knocks it out of the park and finds a following right quick. ABC has a better track record for such feats than, say, I don't know, Fox, so with any luck, it shouldn't be a problem. V will premiere at midseason, presumably after Lost's final season premiere.

Bottom Line? The whole affair looks solid from beginning to end. I've always enjoyed a show that appeals to a cult following. Add that to my Whedon devotion and the glowing reviews I've come across so far and I suspect this will feature prominently in my top tier. It looks to be a slick production from people who know what they're doing, so I'm confident it will handled in the right way. I kinda can't wait. :) Scott Wolf notwithstanding.

MODERN FAMILY


My Take: You know, at first glance, I assumed it would be awful, but it actually looks pretty decent. Good, I dare say. It's not often that a promo alone is enough to elicit even a smile from me, but the preview for Modern Family was actually pretty funny here and there. The single camera style is pretty much the norm these days and as far as I'm concerned, is totally welcomed. Anything that means there's no laugh track and I'm on board. I can't help but to think if Arrested Development had come out this year, it would have done oh-so-much better. Anyway, in kind of a similar vein, Modern Family is delightfully disfunctional (rather than desperately, laboriously disfunctional, which is so often the case). I'm not completely sold on the show, what with my hatred for children on TV and all, but this one seems to be hitting a much funnier and more enjoyable note than most. The scene on the plane really cracked me up. It just so simple and yet effective and funny to have the baby holding actual cream puffs that I couldn't help but to smile. And offering to pay for everyone's headsets? Perfect.

Bottom Line? When I first heard about this one, I assumed it would be your standard family comedy, but I'm very pleased to see that it has a lot more edge and a lot better approach than the crap that's currently out there. There aren't a lot of comedies that really strike the right chord with me, but, shocked as I am, I think Modern Family might just hit the right note. As long as it steers clear of the usual cliches and keeps an inappropriate edge, I think it'll work. Here's hoping.

THE MIDDLE


My Take: You know those standard, un-funny family comedies I mentioned in the Modern Family discussion? Yeah... The Middle is one of those. This show just appears to be trying so very hard to be funny that it totally isn't. The whole "haggard mother who doesn't know what happened to her life" routine is pretty played out (not that I cared to watch it the first 874 times) and I have the slightest tendency to completley loathe Patricia Heaton, so this one was off-putting from the get-go. It was a very short clip, but somehow way too long all at the same time. This show really doesn't seem to be up my alley or worth my time. When I saw that it was billed as "a sitcom about a Midwestern family living middle-American values," I pretty much knew it wasn't going to be love at first sight. I'd have lemon-lawed this sucker in seconds.

Bottom Line? I'll pass, thanks. I don't have children, don't want to have children, and don't need this show to remind me of just how much I don't want to have children in order to not have children. Blah.

HANK


My Take: The dreaded laugh track... It's annoying on principle, but when applied to something that doesn't actually elicit any laughing, it basically shines a spotlight on the un-funniness. Ugh. I generally quite enjoy Kelsey Grammer and adored the first several seasons of Frasier, but with this new gig, Grammer doesn't appear to have found his footing or really created a character. I realize that generally takes more than just a pilot to establish, but it was still kind of painful to see him so out of depth. It's not like it's the kind of role he couldn't handle, he just, well... didn't. The dialogue was clunky and forced, the jokes were ham-fisted, and the laugh track helped show me where the writers actually thought they were being funny, but totally weren't. It's the kind of concept that could work, if standard sitcom fare is your game, but I'm underwhelmed. And a little in pain.

Bottom Line? Well, um... it's good to see he's getting work? Ugh. It would take a whole hell of a lot to make this work and from what I've seen and read, it ain't gonna happen.

THE DEEP END




My Take: Well, show for show, this baby has more "oh hey, it's that guy!" than just about any other I've come across. Teeming with people who have been in a bunch of other stuff can be a detriment at times, but none of these were real headliners in previous projects, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Was that Billy Zane? He kind of fell of the planet… or should I say, into “the deep end”! Oy. Sorry, couldn’t resist. Anyway, this looks like kind of a throw back to legal shows of the late 90s, so I’m feeling a bit nostalgic. The tone looks to be more lighthearted than your usual hard-hitting drama, but toward the end of the preview, they seemed to be trying to walk the comedy/drama line and, sadly, not walking it very well. It has your standard legal show clichés and stereotypical characters, but that’s not to say it doesn’t have promise. There’s a reason that formula is so popular, after all. I’m just afraid that it won’t be able to really make its own mark and will lose my attention before I can really get invested. I adore Tina Majorino (she was one of the many wonderful aspects of Veronica Mars), but her character seems to be particularly (and intentionally) annoying, and not in a charming way, so that’s a downer. The rest of the cast appears to be decent enough and suitably charming for this kind of set up, so if the writers play their cards right, I don’t see why this couldn’t be a nice little genre piece. Taken in the wrong direction, and it could just be a derivative mess. Only time will tell.

Bottom Line? I’m not over the moon for this one, but it doesn’t look awful… yet. There were certain aspects to the preview that rubbed me the wrong way, but it looks watchable overall. I don’t think it’d ever be a first tier contender, but hopefully it’s good enough to grace the second.

That's a goldfish cracker...

Given that 90% of the people who read my blog read Annie's blog as well, you likely have come across Annie's most recent post Celebrating Freedom. Well, prior to posting, she had me read over it to see if anything was missing. Turns out, all that was missing was commentary (and a few other story tidbits that she won't allow me to post...). Anyway, for those of you who already know this story, I'm sure you have more than a few comments of your own, so feel free to add comments for anything I may have missed.

Below is a copy of her story (in black) and my thoughts on the situation (in blue). (It seemed a fitting color combination...) Enjoy, reminisce, gag...

• This weekend is the 4th of July. As most of you know, it's my favorite holiday. But that's not the only thing I'm celebrating this week. No, today marks the 4-year anniversary of my un-wedding day... I don't even know where to begin. It's somewhat of a hilarious story, rich in intrigue and a lot of "what the...?!". Let me just start by saying: I AM SO GLAD PEOPLE (i.e., me) CAN CHANGE {So are we all, Annie. So are we all.}.
  
  About 4 1/2 years ago, I was ramping up to start my last semester of college, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life. Through a strange twist of whatever, I had ended up living by myself. I was feeling lonely and vulnerable. It was the holiday season, and while I had a wonderful family not too far away, it was kind of depressing to come home to an empty house in the bleak winter. (Note: this is in no way justification for what comes up next... {I'm not sure a bout of psychosis could adequately justify what's about to come next, but I do enjoy that your justification includes words like: lonely, vulnerable, depressing, bleak, and empty--but it's totally not a justification!})
  
  At that time, I had been dabbling in the world of Internet dating--which, now having the hindsight I do, I would not recommend--and I came across an interesting guy. 'Interesting' is the only word to describe him, really {Oh, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I can think of a few more… see below}. We chatted all night one night and I figured that meant love {I can't believe Webster's Dictionary let you down like that...}. I mean, a guy is interested by my profile and wants to talk with me? Score. I had made it through a year and a half of living in Utah's biggest dating pool {read: shark tank} and hadn't gotten a ring on my finger yet. Read: I was desperate. For some reason, I had gotten it through my head that if I made it through college unmarried, I would have been a failure {“For some reason?” Seriously? Have ya met Provo? I’m pretty sure the name comes from the old English verb “provote,” meaning “to drown single people over the age of 22 in a lake.”}
  
  So here I was, chatting with this guy (whose profile picture wasn't half bad {yeah, it was all bad—ba dum bum}) and feeling like we connected. We agreed to chat the next night, too. You know, it was kind of nice to have something to look forward to the next day. I was a little wary, only having known this guy via the Internet, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and gloss over their flaws. But we ended up chatting for another long night, at which point he saw fit to tell me something about how we were destined to be together {"You hang up." "No, you hang up."} I fell. Hard. {Can you say MMfeo…? ma FE o…?} A guy who was interested in me! For ME! It was fate!! He wanted more pictures; I sent them. He wanted to meet in person; I planned a trip to California. It seemed like everything was falling into place in happy little Annie world.
  
  We'll fast forward a little bit...so many (now embarrassing) things happened in the next couple months. Now that I can look back at it and see how ridiculous I was, I can chuckle and be so grateful that I dodged that bullet. Here are some of our adventures:
  
  * My parents and sister came with me to California to meet him. Oh what a trip...I'm so grateful for a father who was willing to help me see something through, even though I'm sure he was afraid for my total well-being. Seriously. Kudos to him. On this trip, I discovered that this guy had a horrible car, horrible job, was mean to his mother, and didn't respect me like he should. But there I was, kissing him {excuse me while I go scrub that image out of my head… Yeah… I really hated that guy}. And wearing a fake engagement ring. Man, the blinders were on... He even gave me his letterman jacket {well, now that you’re 16…}.
  
  * We got a joint phone plan. Hey, free talking time whenever we wanted. I would text him from work, he would call and leave me sappy voicemails. Honestly, though, we didn't know ANYTHING about each other {well, in his defense, “I’m an annoying psychopath” isn’t really a good opening line--unless you're a pasty vampire from a crappy series of novels, that is... then it works like a charm}.
  
  * He came to visit me for Valentine's Day...I paid for half his plane ticket. (Stupid, so stupid!) We went and took pictures on Temple Square. He thought we should use them for our engagement photos. Looking at those pictures, he had a little head and we looked so weird sitting next to each other! I wish I still had them for a little show-and-tell... {and I wish I had them for blackmail} Also for Valentine's Day, we went and visited his sister who lives in Utah. And we all went out to dinner. The original plan was to go to Chuck-A-Rama {geez, if that was plan A, I don't even want to know what plan B was... oh wait}, but who knew it would be so busy on Valentine's Day? So we ended up at... Beto's. Romantic, eh? {Ohhhh, Beto’s. HA! Solid gold. Oh, Annie, he was a real winner, er, I mean, gourmand… Nothin’ says lovin’ like salmonella… The couple that crumples over in pain together, stays together…}
  
  * I was planning on putting him through school. I was graduating that following Spring, so it worked out perfectly, that I would just work and he'd go to school, and I would fund it all. Problem: he wanted children right away {oh dear lord, the thought of sleeping with that skeezball just wigged me out something fierce. The thought of those Beto's-y fingers all over the place... Eeeeeewwwoaahhhh!}. Even bigger problem: I wasn't going to say no to this plan because I wanted so badly for him to love me that I was willing to sacrifice my entire existence and all of my sanity {a tendency you have thankfully overcome}.
  
  My friends hated him {That’s me! That’s me! You know, what with my being conscious and all, it was kind of impossible to avoid...}. They wouldn't tell me at the time because they really wanted to be supportive of me {Annie, my dear, you were just too gung-ho to listen to reason or notice our disgust—I damn near strained my neck irreparably giving Lisa so many sideways glances and looks of horror}, but now we joke and laugh (and shudder) about how close I came to ruining my life that year. My boss at the time even met him and told me later that he was so angry about the one small interaction they had. My mom cried herself to sleep nightly, afraid that I would be throwing away a good future. And you know what? They were all right. He was not for me. I would like to think that I would have grown up and figured out how smothering and horrible he was on my own...I'm just glad I didn't have to find that out. I can just about guarantee that I would be a divorcee by now if I'd gone through with it {and you’d be toting around little miscreants with his DNA… jam hands and all... "Yikes" just doesn't quite cover it...}.
  
  He didn't want to leave California and move to Utah to be near me. Does anyone see a problem with this? {I don't know, if I were forced to have a relationship with Mr. X, I'm pretty sure I'd want at least a two state buffer.} There was some sort of lame excuse about him being able to move up in the company where he worked--mind you, it was a car dealership. His job? Driving the shuttle van and washing cars {Hey, he was moving up in the world, missy. He was practically a hero, in fact. Whenever a bug gets splattered on a windsheild, he'll be there. Any time a van needs, uh, shuttling...}. Sounds like you got your life all lined up there, buddy. I told him I'd find him a job here. He told me that I should leave my good job (that was turning to full time after I graduated) and go be with him there. "If you love me, you'll do it." Ugh. That's one of the worst phrases in human history. Don't be manipulative like that. {"Ugh" is right. Plus some eye-rolling, gagging, and possible suicide.}
  
  People, this guy was an IDIOT {I like that you used all caps, Annie, just in case the first 800 lines of testimony weren't quite convincing enough}. I make it a point not to bash people on this blog, but I'm trying to prove a point here: don't be afraid to be yourself and find someone who will love you for that. He would always ask me how much weight I was going to lose before the wedding. {"I don't know, Mr. X, how high can you count?"} His wardrobe consisted of bad t-shirts and board shorts--his excuse? "I'm from California. I like to surf." Do you surf every day?! He hadn't done any school. His favorite movie was The Skulls (Lacy likes to remind me of that whenever we get talking about this—{what can I say? It’s a dealbreaker… among many, many, many dealbreakers}). He considered himself an artist {yeah, and I'm a cellist}, but his drawings were hideously awful. Everything had to be his way. He would even tell me how to dress and what I should think.
  
  Slowly, I could feel him pulling away after a couple months of being 'engaged.' He hadn't bought me a ring, and he would yell at me any time I would talk about the future. He bandied the word 'stupid' about when he was addressing me. And I felt stupid. I should have known better, but I am the type of person who tries to fix problems instead of just dumping a relationship, so I figured I just need to work harder at it. So I tried. And it got worse. Lots of tears... lots of self-esteem down the drain... {Now what have learned from this? Always quit. It's a motto that has served me well for decades.}
  
  I didn't love him. I loved the idea of him. During one of our phone conversations, he said, "You don't even know yourself." OUCH. So I sat down and made lists (it's what I do...) about who I was and goals I had and reasons I thought I wanted to be with him. I thought I had solved our relationship issues. I remember one night when he said, "What would you do if I said I didn't want to do this?" Silly me, I thought this was a hypothetical question, but I answered, "I wouldn't make you do it. It wouldn't be worth it." And it was a downward spiral from there {by which you mean an upward spiral to freedom and prosperity}. He stopped returning my calls. He stopped saying 'I love you.' When we did speak, it was very hostile and put me on edge.
  
  Ultimately, he ended up breaking things off {when I tell this story, Annie, you’re the one who broke things off--I believe that's #106, 284 in the best friends handbook--which has clearly thought of everything}. And he did it in a particularly cruel way: over a voicemail that said, "Don't you understand English? It's OVER!!" {That's absurd anyway you slice it, but coming from him? Beyond ridiculous. Every time I've heard anything about the break up, I can hear Mr. X in my head saying, "Me fail English? That's unpossible."} I was devastated the first couple days. I packed up a box of his things and sent it back to him {with some anthrax, one would hope}, called the temple and cancelled our wedding appointment (July 2, 2005), and just called my sister and cried. My family was so supportive as I was dealing with this blow; my dad came and took me to dinner and spoke very wisely about some of his heartache. Everyone in my ward was so kind, especially when I had to say to them, "Oh no, I'm not getting married anymore." After awhile, I was able to laugh and say, "No! It's a good thing!" And I truly believed that.
  
  It really doesn't take long to move on from something so bad for you. It's like after you've been sick and you haven't been able to eat, you have to ease back into normal diet routines, but you're just so grateful you can eat again. {Heh, I thought I was joking with the food poisoning correlation, but yeah, not so much.} I felt like I had been given a new chance at dating and finding someone who wouldn't try to control me or belittle me.
  
  Since then, I know little to nothing of his whereabouts. What I do know is that he ended up getting married after all. To a girl who was a reformed stripper {it was clearly a choice of marry Mr. X or taking a tour on the Rock of Love Bus--oh, holy god, Brett Michaels or Mr. X...? That's actually a tough call... well, Conquest, War, Famine, Death... annnnd this.}. And after figuring out the timeline of how things went down for the two of them, it is quite possible that he was dating her while he was engaged to me. I have so many words for him at this point...but this is a clean blog post, so I will refrain. :) {My blog, however, is not so clean. Annie's ex was a tool/douchebag/dipshit/effing loser/ass face (much like Hurricane Paul).}
  
  I learned so much about life and about myself from this experience. I know people say that all experiences will help you grow, but I didn't see how that was possible at the time. I see 'old me,' though, and I realize how far I've come from there. Firstly, I'd just like to say: being single is awesome. I've learned that I can be comfortable in my own skin, doing my own thing, being independent. Next, I now know that I would rather be single for the rest of my life rather than being with someone who is horrible. No matter what, I will never be so desperate again as to choose a guy who makes me feel like dirt. Life is definitely too short to be with someone who doesn't appreciate me.
  
  And so as I go to sleep in my bed tonight--alone--I will smile...because I didn't get married.
  
  {Now, Annie posted this clip below on her post as well, but believe me, it doesn't do Mr. X justice. I'd much rather have hooked up with crazy Eddie, goldfish crackers and all...}
  
  

ABC Pilots: Volume 1

Whew, finally I've made it to ABC's fall line-up. Granted, they announced their new slate of shows several weeks ago, but it took quite a while to sift through the other networks, so I'm only now getting to ABC. As with the other nets, the promising pilots are surrounded by a whole lot of crap. I, uh, can hardly wait...

For some reason, ABC seems to have a hell of a lot more pilots slated for next season than any other network, so that wasn't exactly enticing me to put this together any quicker. It has also led me to the decision to break this up into two posts.

Anyway, before we can move on to the new, here's the situation with the old.

AXED:

• Cupid (which won't be missed), The Unusuals (which certainly will be missed), Samantha Who? (whose longevity of concept has always been in question), and According to Jim (whose success has always been a complete mystery).
  

PICKED UP:

• Better Off Ted (yay!), Brothers & Sisters, Castle (double yay!), Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy (groan!), Lost, Private Practice (double groan!), Scrubs (which will apparently be set in school now... oookay), and Ugly Betty. (Ugly Betty is being moved to the Friday death slot; Better Off Ted and Scrubs will airs Tuesday nights at 9 after Dancing With the Stars signs off in the fall.)

I'm completely psyched that Castle and Better Off Ted got picked up, but other than that, ABC has kind of fallen off my radar lately. Here's hoping the new crop can fill a few slots in my schedule. At present, there's entirely too much CBS on my plate for comfort...

Some pilots that you may have heard about didn't get the green light. ABC won't be tuning into The Bridget Show, starring Gilmore gal Lauren Graham as a talk-show host (according to Ausiello, it was unspeakably painful--i.e., it was so bad he declined to comment). Similarly, No Heroics (an intentionally funny version of Heroes) won't be gracing screens any time soon, and Limelight (a modern-day Fame) didn't quite make it.

Anyway, here are the newbies that did get the go ahead for fall:


FLASH FORWARD


My Take: As with so many other shows that start off with a very specific direction using a high concept pilot, I think this one could really go either way. I know ABC is hoping it goes the way of Lost, but there's always a good chance it will end up like The Nine or Six Degrees. If the audience buys into it and feels that the show has potential and promising longevity, it'll do well, if not, the show will be consumed by the concept and run out of steam early on. Given that the events of the "flash forward" appear to come to fruition in April 2010 (presumably the season finale), I have to wonder where the show would go from there. I'm hoping that the first season unveils a conspiracy, evil plot, or something or other that goes well beyond the flash forward itself. It looks like Joseph Fiennes will be charged with just such a task. Whatever is behind the blackout could take the show in great directions, or stop it dead in its tracks. My only concern is that if the week-to-week episodes don't handle this properly, the audience may lose interest before enough is revealed to make the show really work well. I'm intrigued, but cautious. There are a lot of shows that have come and gone that have had a crazy, mysterious shared experience that is illuminated over time to the audience. Some have been excellent, others have not. I think this one has a better chance for longevity than other recent entries into this pseudo-genre, so I'm hoping it makes the best of its high concept and really knocks it out of the park. Otherwise, I'm afraid I just won't care about "what they saw" and walk away. The cast appears to be very strong and the production values look solid. With the right writers and showrunner, I think this one could be a strong contender for fall, rather than the hokey Lost wannabe that it could be. Here's hoping.


COUGAR TOWN




My Take: Um, wow... Yeah, so this show appears to be trying to tap in to a demographic which I do not represent, comprise, or have a hell of a lot of interest in... That said, I don't think this one is going to be my cup of tea exactly. I get the impression that the "cougar" concept will be beaten to death in the pilot and then they'll just keep pummeling that dead horse for the majority of the series. I'd like to think that that's not going to be the case, but the preview does little to allay my concerns. Add to that the fact that Courtney Cox's character appears to be supremely annoying and more than a little stupid and I'm less than thrilled with the whole concept of the show. The preview wasn't completely charmless (I kind of enjoyed the guy wolfing down crackers with peanut butter on them because he couldn't stop thinking about it), but overall, I just don't think Courtney is going to be able to pull this one off. Her character's interactions with her son, friends, and dates seems forcibly awkward and off-putting (although her son is played by that kid from Aliens in America, so that's a plus). I get that that's kind of the point, but I just don't think anyone who's as successful and accomplished as her character is supposed to be would be that socially inept. Anyway, I don't think I'll be giving this one much of a chance. If I'm in the mood for illicit hook-ups and tawdriness (and a hell of lot less awkwardidity), I'll watch some Gossip Girl, thanks.


EASTWICK




My Take: Well, on the up side, Cougartown is suddenly looking a whole lot better... Yeah, Eastwick doesn't look like anything that will make it onto my regular rotation. Bad acting, bad writing, bad concept, bad "dialogue," bad... fountain-y statue thing... The whole thing just looks horribly contrived and even more horribly executed. I don't know what it would take to make this one look like a winner, but I'm pretty sure all the magic in Eastwick won't be enough. Yikes. I never actually saw the '80s flick that inspired this turkey (The Witches of Eastwick), but I'm going to guess it wasn't exactly begging to become a series.


HAPPY TOWN


My Take: Well, right off the bat, I have to disclose some prejudice for and against this one. Although not featured in the preview above, Amy Acker (aka Dr. Saunders on Dollhouse and Fred from Angel (and who was not Penny from Dr. Horrible--sorry about that one, Jack, I don't know what the hell I was thinking)) is among the cast. While having her on the show will undoubtedly make Happy Town better, it might also mean that her commitments on Dollhouse will be reduced. I'm more than a little torn... Anyway, the show looks fairly promising. I wouldn't say it's one of my favorite conceits, but a good murder mystery is always a good time. This show seems to be aiming for a more stylized, sugar-sweet exterior with a dark side than the usual fare, so hopefully they pull it off and make it work. It's the kind of approach that could be awesome or awful. The cast looks very strong (including Sam Neil, Amy, of course, and Jerry from ER/Larry Kubiak). I'll definitely be giving this one a shot, but deep down, I'm mainly just hoping it doesn't interfere with Dollhouse... If Happy Town can strike the right balance between style and story, I think it could be a solid show. It certainly has a lot of good qualities to work with, but I'm just not sure this one is going to find an audience. I'll be giving it a shot, of course, but based on the preview alone, it's striking me as a second or third tier show at most. I'll be truly surprised if it manages to grace the top tier (being all hallowed and lofty like it is).

Well, those are some of the new shows we can expect from ABC next year. Stay tuned for volume two, which will feature ABC's most anticipated new show (at least it's the most anticipated show in my circles), V, among various others

Get Me a Million CCs of Cliché, STAT!

No, wait a minute... Hold on... Yep, we're good. We've got the HawthoRNe pilot riiiiight here.

TNT's newest addition takes your typical medical drama and, well, does very little to re-invent the wheel. No matter how much star Michael Vartan (Agent Vaughn of Alias fame and Big Shots infamy) seems to think this show is a completely new spin on an old premise, he's sadly mistaken. No, no, you see, this time, the show focuses on nurses, so it's totally different! Oh, sweetie, it's cute that you think that...

This show manages to take all the standard medical show clichés that exist, multiply them by 100, and squeeze them all into the pilot alone. Truly, the only way in which HawthoRNe (which, can I tell you how much I hate the cheeseballishness of putting the RN in caps? Gag me) could be considered innovative is that it is operating on the overweening assumption that, quite simply: Doctors baaaaad. Nurses good! It's a conceit that only succeeds on a case by case, doctor by doctor, nurse by nurse basis, so when it's shoved down your throat with each passing patient, it gets real annoying real fast.

HawthoRNe follows the trials and tribulations of Jada Pinkett Smith (in the titular role of Christina Hawthorne) and her band of nurses as they save lives from the largely evil, criminally negligent, grossly incompetent doctors... or at least that's the impression the pilot seemed hell bent on giving. I'm not saying that there aren't uncaring, pompous doctors out there in the world, but the show seems to think that nurses are the only caring souls in the whole hospital (with the exception of Dr. Vaughn, of course, because he gives lollipops), and as someone who happens to know a hell of a lot of doctors (and nurses for that matter), it just isn't the case.

Flaws in conception aside, the show falters equally in execution. The pilot begins with Christina, lying in bed, talking to someone off camera. Her conversation is just cheesy enough and contains just enough clunky exposition that it comes as little surprise that she's really talking to an urn containing the remains of her dead husband (yes, I'm serious). I suspected she would be talking to a picture of him or something, but either way, the reveal was wasted. As with so many sub-par pilots, the writers felt the need to explain every minute detail of who everyone is, what problems they have, and how they relate to everyone else, that even from this first scene, and throughout the rest of the pilot, it felt like a recap of the past few years rather than a natural window into their lives. The pilot basically felt like the longest previouslies in history. "Previously, on the past decade of HawthoRNe..." and then threw 43 minutes of back story and medical show clichés at the audience.

Anyway, as the viewer couldn't help but to learn right off the bat, Christina's husband died a year ago to the day of the pilot. Fortunately, Christina has been through the writers' room about 17 times and is tough as nails, but sensitive and compassionate, so she puts on a brave face and does whatever it takes to be the best damn nurse that she can be! She's a badass who isn't afraid to break the rules in order to do what's right. She's smarter and stronger and caring-er than anyone else, so when the shit hits the fan, she's the only nurse for the job... Sadly, that's not even that over the top a description of the show. Unfortunately, as a nurse, and not a doctor, most of her badassery revolves around reprimanding mean doctors, arguing with social services, and placing an IV. You want a badass nurse who bucks the system? I'm calling Nurse Jackie, thanks.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I fully acknowledge that nurses are absolutely essential to pretty much everything that happens in a hospital. As Nurse Jackie would say (matter-of-factly, not saccharine after-school-special-y as Nurse Christina would), "Doctors diagnose, nurses heal." Where Nurse Jackie takes the perspective of nurses and offers a uniquely captivating, mordantly funny, realistically gritty character piece, HawthoRNe only manages to reinforce all the standard medical show clichés that we've seen a hundred times before, only with a lot less of the cool medical stuff.

Take, for example this exchange between Christina and Dr. Vaughn as they stand in the hospital hallway, discussing the anniversary of Christina's husband's death.

Dr. Vaughn: You should really go home, Christina.
Christina: This is home.

Ugh. I knew it was all down hill from there. Add to that about a dozen other cheeseball medical show staples and you've got yourself this pilot. It's fine to examine recurring themes to the profession, issues that arise again and again, and character traits that many nurses and doctors may have in common, but this pilot had zero subtlety about it and was in no way as unique as they'd like to think. Quite frankly, if you've never watched a medical show before, you'd have very few problems with this show and probably be fascinated by the interplay between patients and their caregivers, but that's a pretty small percentage of the population. Anyone who would be turning into this show in the first place is probably a fan of the genre already, and has seen these things before, or the much-cooler equivalent.

Christina's fellow nurses and some assorted doctors round out the cast. The nurses are pretty much invariably saint-like, and with the exception of Vaughn, the doctors are almost invariably horrible. Now, I don't doubt that there is sometimes tension between the nursing staff and the doctors and am certain that some doctors don't give nurses their due, but from what I hear from the medical professionals I know, the two groups work together quite harmoniously most of the time and appreciate each other for the skills and dedication that is brought to the table. This knowledge made watching the doctors yell at the nurses for nothing, sleeping instead of treating patients, and only showing up after Super-Nurse had already saved the day was tedious and nonsensical from the get-go.

It's really a shame that this is the angle chosen by the writers because on the whole, the cast is good, the productions quality is fine, and the bare bones of the premise could have been turned into something wonderful. Instead, the viewer is left with redundancies, fallacies, and eye-rollingly cheesy, ham-fisted, well, everything (although that's starting to sound kind of tasty--nice and breakfasty).

The show held no surprises and very little charm or humor. At every turn, I could hear the writers room in my head and see exactly what they were trying to do. "Okay, here's where we set up an unlikely romantic pairing to keep people interested... Okay, so this male nurse is going to be the nice guy pining after the unattainable girl... Okay, to make this character more layered, we're going to give her a prosthetic leg, and to show the audience the prosthetic in a really exciting way, we're going to have a maniac stab her with a knife!" You think I'm joking with that last one? Wow, how I wish I were. It would have been an interesting and uncommon character aspect for her to have, but it was revealed in the lamest, more convenient possible way. In spite of this, her character really is the best of the pilot, as far as I'm concerned. Her line delivery was such that the painful dialogue was considerably more palatable. Not an easy feat.

I think this show most boils down to wasted potential. I realize it's unfair to judge a show based entirely on the pilot (a hell of a lot of shows have had bad pilots and yet turned into great serieseses), but everything that was set up was trite, over-thought, and forcibly earnest. Such qualities do not bode well for the series as a whole. This show honestly has some decent elements to work with, but if the writers keep insisting on the current treatment, I'm afraid I can't be bothered to care.

If I want to watch a truly complicated, strong, layered, badass nurse, I'll take Nurse Jackie any day. She'd take that million CCs of cliché and flush it right down the toilet--just like so much dismembered ear...

CBS Pilots: The Good, the Bad, and the Alex O'Loughlin

Wow, CBS. Way to play the field... Only ONE new crime procedural?! I'm shocked! Although, given that that new crime procedural is a spin off of NCIS, I'm going to have to revoke all praise. Aside from that, I have to say that it is nice to see them at least trying to diversify their portfolio. Only one of their fall offerings really looks all that promising so far, but hopefully by fall they'll have a few more viable options.

In all honesty, CBS has never taken up much space on my schedule, so the bar is pretty high. I'm hopeful Julianna Marguiles can buck the trend, but it won't be easy. ABC has always had a better track record. As such, the write up of their fall season is taking longer than one would hope. Eventually, eventually...

Anyway, here's what CBS has planned:

THREE RIVERS


My Take: Right off the bat? I'd say Alex O'Loughlin and his legion of Moonlight-lovin' devotees deserve much better. This looks like your run of the mill medical show, no matter how much they try to dress it up as something new and unique. This time, it's organ donors, recipients, and doctors, see... Yeah, not so much. The problem with focusing on one aspect of medicine is that it tends to pigeon-hole a series. One of the reasons ER was so successful is that it didn't focus on any one group in the hospital. In any given episode, there could be surgical patients (including organ donation scenarios), ER cases (well, duh), issues revolving around recurring patients, nurses, police, paramedics, hell, even the desk clerks. Having that kind of flexibility and variety kept things fresh for years and years. It looks like this show is angling for a procedural type approach to a medical show, and I have to tell you, I think that's going to get real old real fast. By and large, I really don't think I need an entire episode devoted to one set of medical circumstances. I already don't care if that kid will ever play basketball again (and didn't really care the first 874 times I saw a similar storyline elsewhere)... Also, the earnestness (and borderline saccharinity) of the doctors seems pretty eye-rollingly overbearing. It's a shame that such a promising cast (hey, hey! I thought I recognized Shane and lo and behold, it's her!) ended up in a pretty mediocre-looking show. Annnd, it sounds like I'm not the only one who's less than impressed so far. Looks like the brass at CBS is planning to re-tool the show before it premieres and will even do a fair bit of re-casting. The premise isn't terrible, really, it's just been done (and done, and done, and done). I'm hoping the revamp can add some life into this seemingly lackluster show. It's got decent bones to work with (wow, pun SO not intended) and a very promising cast, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed they can turn it into something viable. I happen to know a transplant surgeon, and from what I hear of his schedule, it really could be become something gripping, a little more unique, and a whole lot better. Seriously, this doctor I know only sleeps every third day... If that's a profession-wide phenomenon, you can go ahead and schedule me for surgery the morning after the third day, thanks.

THE GOOD WIFE

The Good Wife Promo - Behind The Scenes
by SeriesNet

My Take: I'm quite surprised, and a little delighted to say that this show actually looks really good. It may just be the vintage ER fan deep within me speaking, but Julianna Marguiles is just wonderful. This could have been your typical legal drama, but she infuses every role with something very real and engaging. I know so many women who have mortgaged their entire professional existence in a similar way to Marguiles' character and I've wondered how these women would fare if something horrible happened. I know there are rewards to raising children (so I've been told at least... I'm still on the fence), but the thought of taking such a promising career in something you're truly passionate about and just putting it on the back-burner for 13 years is unfathomable to me. And yet, it's so often the case. Better than that the scads of wives out there who have little to no education and practically no work experience to fall back in case of the unfortunate. As you can tell, I'm not an advocate of putting all your eggs in someone else's basket... Anyway, it's refreshing to see a character really take charge of her life after something so public, so humiliating, and so overwhelmingly game-changing happens. I think Marguiles is going to do great things with this role, and with a supporting cast that boasts Matt Czuchry (say what you will about Gilmore Girls, the kid can hold his own--god, I miss that show!) and Christine Baranski, I think The Good Wife has a hell of a lot of potential. In all honesty, it's been a long time since I had a good legal drama on my slate (since, like, The Practice, I dare say) and I'm hoping this little number lives up to expectations. Add to the solid foundation and excellent casting a clear, yet restrained sense of levity, and I think we have a winner here.

ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE



My Take: Well, it's pretty much Knocked Up, the TV series, and I really, really, really hated Knocked Up... Granted, this doesn't look anywhere near as terrible as the film (what with the merciful lack of Katherine Heigl and the refreshing addition of a leading man who isn't utterly repulsive), but it's the same basic premise, only hopefully without all the same ridiculous trappings. What I hated most about the film was that the male characters were gross, unappealing, stupid, and useless and all the female characters where controlling, shrewish harpies. I don't know about you, but that's a whole lot of people I have no desire to watch (I still can't understand how anyone enjoyed that film even a little bit). Anyway, the cast here doesn't look anywhere near as repellant, so that's good, but the concept is still seriously lacking. Aside from just being a cheesy sit-com conceit, it once again begs the question of why she would go through with the pregnancy. For the sake of this show, I really hope they actually address that. Any woman who watched Knocked Up spent the better part of the film wishing to hell someone would either bring up the possibility of terminating the pregnancy or offering some sort of reason (anything!) that could explain why she's going through with it when it will undoubtedly uproot her life and ruin her career. I'm not saying there aren't viable reasons, because there totally are, but in Knocked Up, nothing is offered in any way, and it's ridiculous. I understand that the script was written probably entirely by men, and that that might not be as much of a consideration (at least that's the only explanation I can drum up), but for a couple who just met, have not chemistry whatsoever, and who DO NOT want a child, it's something even a male writer should have considered. Anyway, here's hoping this show has the brains to bring it up. I'm sorry this turned into a rant about a movie, but when the concept is this similar, the show has to be prepared for comparisons. In short, I already have a bias against this show, and then knowing that a child will be the focus of the second season (on the off chance it gets one), pretty much seals the coffin. Babies are the quickest way to ruin a show, so the good ones either avoid them entirely, or never actually have them as key plot points. This show has no such luxury. Blah.

NCIS: THE NEXT GENERATION (okay, so it's really NCIS: Los Angeles, but that's just no fun)



My Take: Never watched the first NCIS, no plans to watch this one. And if there's one thing I've learned about surveillance from Burn Notice, it's that it's boring. Seriously, when "surveillance snacking" is a square on our Burn Notice Bingo game (burn-o!), it's got to be pretty dull. So yeah, a show that's devoted to it? I'll pass. I've never understood why the original version was successful in the first place. What little I've seen has been pretty bad, if not extremely bad. Indeed, the only reason I've ever watched any of it is that I was stuck in a hotel room with nothing else on and no DVR to save me. Turns out, I should have just gone to bed. In spite of all this, knowing CBS, I fully expect you'll be seeing at least 3 or 4 dozen more spin-offs in the future. Maybe I'll give NCIS: Omaha a chance...

Never knew how much I missed you...

As mentioned previously, the powers that be at the CW decided not to pick up a new pilot called The Body Politic and that insiders have indicated that it's one of the best pilots you'll probably never see. Well, heretofore, I hadn't come across any clips or trailers for the show, so I just had to take their word for it...

That was then. Now that I've seen a few clips, I'm inclined to agree with my sources. Unlike the clips from the series that were picked up by the CW, the clips for The Body Politic actually make me want to watch the show. A novel concept, I know. And from what I hear from those who have seen the full pilot, not only is it a good show, but it could actually holds its own on a critical level as well as public.

Of course, it may just be that I miss Jason Dohring (Veronica Mars alum who portrayed my darling Logan Echolls back in the day)... I hadn't realized just how much I missed seeing him on TV until I watched these clips.



My take: I realize that I can't really make a full assessment based on three short clips, but I think this show would have had a hell of a lot of potential. The pace and timing of the show seems to be pretty spot on so the scenes flow naturally, but with some panache. The acting is solid across the board which is a clear reflection of good writing. It's a lot easier to say a line that's well written... When the actors don't have to try so hard to make interactions seem organic to the story, everything comes across as more genuine and less cringe-worthy (a nice change of pace from all the pilots the CW did pick up).

Jason Dohring always does a great job and the way he stood against the elevator wall when he first entered was so Logan Echolls-y it was squee-worthy. On a related note, how great does Jason look in this pilot? He's one of those people who can look great, yet often doesn't, but his styling in this show is really working for me (lovin' the suits and the Simon Baker-style vest...). As much as I love (and miss) Jason, it looks like Gabrielle Union definitely holds her own as well. The second clip was actually quite superb. I think I'm liking Senator Buckley the best of the bunch, quite frankly, but the scene between her and Gabrielle was excellent on both sides. The writing was just acidic enough to put Gabrielle's character in her place, but no so much so that it was catty. Really well written and acted.

I think my only major concern is with the voice-over. I'm not too familiar with Minka Kelly's work, but I hear she's excellent on Friday Night Lights. That said, I found her depiction here to be good, but the voice-over work just didn't quite work for me. This just doesn't seem like the kind of show that would need it... That, or I'm just entirely too accustomed to hearing Kristen Bell's saucy snark when I see Jason Dohring on screen.

Overall, I think this show had a lot of potential. The dynamic among the characters felt natural and familiar. I really felt like these people could actually be friends. Also, the basic concept definitely had long-term sustainability (unlike other shows which will remain nameless). The show had enough elements going that the potential storylines would have been extensive. Couple that with good writing, and this show could have had a long, fruitful life. I assume the brass at the CW were afraid that this show wouldn't appeal to the tween girl demographic (the only one they ever seem to focus on), but for the sake of the network, I have to say I think incorporating some programming that had a wider draw would have been a step in the right direction. Cancel the crap-pile that is One Tree Hill and finally, finally, finally pick up a series that has some broader appeal. I don't know what CW president Dawn Ostroff has been smoking, but passing on The Body Politic was a massively stupid move. Much like cancelling Veronica Mars. Hmm... maybe she just isn't as much of a Jason Dohring fan as I am...

Sigh... The only hope this show has of being picked-up is for mid-season. The CW has one slot open, and assuming the Gossip Girl spin-off is as rightfully dead as it should be, there's a chance they could pick up The Body Politic come January. Quite a lot has been said on the web regarding this series, so I'm hopeful (if skeptical) that Dawn Ostroff roams the internet as much as I do and has come to the realization that she and the other network heads really blew it when they passed on this one initially.

Fingers crossed!

Throw 2 More Medical Shows on the Barbie

Okay, TV, this is getting absurd. It's always been pretty apparent that a ridiculous number of dramas center around law enforcement, the legal system, or hospitals, but the ratio is getting out of hand. Seriously, you count up all the shows that fall into one of those categories and you only have about 10% left over for everything else. This fall alone, CBS has a new legal drama, a new medical show, and an NCIS spin-off. Way to cover all the standard bases, CBS.

In recent years, Team Law Enforcement Show took the lead with spate of CSIs, CSI spin-offs, and other such detective/cop/procedural type shows. It's what CBS is made of, quite frankly. The late nineties were dominated by Team Legal Show, but that seems to have ebbed of late. Amidst all the crime and punishment, Team Medical Show has always held its own, and back when ER was in its prime, saw a dramatic increase in derivative programming.

Even the sharpest of possible increases would be hard-pressed to surpass the newest deluge of medical shows. Apparently, with ER finally (I could almost hear the show sighing toward the end) retiring, all the networks decided to fill the medical void (that wasn't all that empty to begin with (House, Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, Mental, In Treatment, Private Practice, etc.)) with a spate of new medical programming to rival the towering heap of law enforcement shows that currently dominate the airwaves.

Off the top of my head, I count 6 new medical shows premiering this spring or fall: Three Rivers, Mercy, Trauma, HawthoRNe, Royal Pains, and Nurse Jackie. I'm wagering there are more out there, ready to pounce, but those are the six that are currently on my radar. Add those to the already full plate of medical programming, and you've reached a surfeit. Now, I enjoy this kind of show as much as the next person, but after a while, you start seeing the same kinds of crises, the same kinds of characters, and the whole affair just gets old, overdone, and dull.

As such, for a show of this genre to make a splash, the creative really has to work hard to reinvent the wheel and give the audience something new and unique to take the focus off the formula. Most of the newbies don't premiere till this fall, but Showtime's Nurse Jackie and USA's Royal Pains both premiered last week.

ROYAL PAINS

If comments on the web are any indication, neither I, nor anyone else on the planet had a whole lot of hope for this show. I'm guessing it was such low expectations that made the pilot come across as not completely awful. Which isn't to say it was excellent either, but contrary to my suspicions, the pilot was fairly decent and watchable.

The bottom line with this show is that all the elements were "decent enough," but nothing was particularly good or bad. If I had gone on a date with Royal Pains, I'd say he was "nice." (And for those of you who don't know what implications that adjective has (as far as I'm concerned), "nice" is how you describe someone who isn't a horrible person or anything, and the date was agonizing painful or anything.... but... well... there's nothing else really positive to say but "nice"...) Royal Pains was better than I expected, but it was middle of the road in pretty much every regard. The only truly irksome element was the base concept... (no biggie, right?).

Royal Pains follows Dr. Hank as he gets fired from his prestigious job at a top NYC hospital because he opted to save some kid over one of the biggest financial donors to the hospital (or something like that). The old rich guy was stable, so Dr. Hank went to help the critically ill kid that he had brought in earlier. Well, quite a bit later on, Dr. Hank is informed that the old guy died and somehow that's his fault. It annoyed me for the better part of the pilot that a rare, inexplicable complication that came so much later could be chalked up to Dr. Hank in the first place, but that he would lose his job over it was just plain stupid. I can see where a wealthy family that had contributed to the hospital over the years might try to sue or blackball Dr. Hank, but that he would be immediately fired and basically barred from practicing in New York was just ridiculous. He followed standard triage procedure (which was finally pointed out at the very end of the pilot), so it would only serve to make the hospital look terrible to fire him. It's wrongful termination plain and simple. If he were to expose the reasons for his termination to the media, the hospital would come under tremendous ridicule. That preferential treatment is given to certain patients is a constant issue, and this would do nothing but confirm it. Especially given that the guy who died was an old white guy and the kid who Dr. Hank saved was a young African-American, I can't imagine the hospital would risk that kind of bad public relations and expose themselves to a lawsuit. Dumb.

There are a number of shows that I have some basic issues with the concept, but many of these make up for it in other ways. For example, Chuck and Pushing Daisies both have basic concepts that the viewer just kind of has to go with. In both cases, I'm more than happy to suspend my criticisms and disbeliefs because the show makes up for it in so many other ways. I gladly just take it for what it is and overlook any possible flaws. Royal Pains, on the other hand, was only pretty-okay in other respects, so the flaws with the initial premise were more annoying than they should have been.

Exhibit B: Apparently, if there's one thing insanely wealthy white people need, it's better access to medical care. Who knew? Dr. Hank ends up in the Hamptons with his brother for the weekend and apparently he's the MacGyver of doctors (a reference that a 16 year old makes, might I add, and which I just don't think would happen... do teenagers know MacGyver? Whatever.). In the course of a weekend, he saves two people's lives and is deemed the "concierge doctor" for the whole community. Why don't these wealthy people just go to a hospital for emergency medical care? Apparently the only medical services in the Hamptons are terrible, so people would rather take their chances on the floor of a mansion, with only a Bic pen, a plastic bag, and a jar of almonds to save them... For as idiotic as the concept is, it was actually fairly decently done and it helped me to overlook some of the lunacy. Some.

Some woman shows up from out of no where and has a trunk full of medical supplies and equipment, so she, Dr. Hank, and the brother form some sort of mobile medical services company. The whole thing was pretty cheesy and all the plot points were extremely convenient. How nice of you to show up on my doorstep with a everything we could possibly need to make this dubious concept work! Oy. The Toyota Hospital Series SUV only served to make the medicine on the show even more suspect than it already was (and believe me, it was). But, as far as the concept for this show is concerned, the medical equipment contained entirely within the back of her car is all Dr. Hank will need to save people... You know, because her car is totally big enough to fit a CT scanner, MRI, lab, pharmacy, etc...

Anyway, annoyances with the concept aside, the show was very middle of the road overall. The acting was okay, the characters were likeable enough, the production value was fine, etc, etc, etc. Nothing really reached out and grabbed me, but it honestly wasn't as terrible as I had feared. I think the real problem with the show will be sustainability. Given how weak the concept is, I just don't know how the writers are going to come up with medical emergencies that can be remedied out of the back of a truck week-to-week... If they can come up with a way to keep it fresh, it definitely has a chance, but I'll have to see it to believe it.

Bottom line? Meh.

Pilot Grade: C+

NURSE JACKIE

I don't generally have access to Showtime, but after threatening my satellite company with a switch to Comcast, it somehow magically appeared... Anyway, I've been pretty disappointed with the movies they've shown, but, as with so many past series on the network, their newest addition is excellent, plain and simple.

I wasn't going to really give Nurse Jackie much of a chance (given that I only have Showtime for the next couple of months), but I had heard good things, so I tuned in for the pilot. This may be simply because I've seen a lot of mediocre pilots this year, but Nurse Jackie reminded me of what an excellent pilot should be. That sounds kind of sappy, now that I think of it, but it's true.

I don't know if it comes as a result of having little or no restrictions, but Showtime has a tremendous track record with serialized television. Nurse Jackie is no exception. From the opening scene to the insanely awesome reveal at the end, the pilot had me undeniably intrigued and almost immediately invested in every aspect of the show. Unlike Royal Pains and so many other medical shows, this one really sets itself apart and manages to make it so much more than your standard medical drama. The medicine is an important part of the show, to be sure, but it's not the primary draw.

Edie Falco is superb as the eponymous Jackie. Her character is complex and engaging without being contrived. I didn't have that ever-frequent sensation that the writers thought long and hard over the character and what her flaws would be. When I can practically hear the writers' room in my head and can see each machination as a belabored, deliberate tool, I say that I can "see the strings." With Nurse Jackie, not only did I not notice the strings, I didn't care to look for them at all. Like many great pilots, I just felt like I had been given a privileged look at this woman's life, her thoughts and feelings, and the world around her. It didn't feel like she had been cooked up on a laptop by some half-wit writer. It felt as though I was allowed to see a fully formed, fully realized person and wasn't bombarded with contrivances and gimmicks. It's a really lovely feeling when that happens.

The show centers around Jackie, a tough, but compassionate nurse who wrestles with her life, her career, her conscience, and her flaws as best she can. It sounds trite, I know, but it came across as incredibly genuine. As with the greatest of pilots, in my estimation, the show didn't spend the entirety of the pilot explaining to me who everyone is, what their motives are, how they relate to one another, and what dynamics exist among them. Nothing takes me out of the moment in quite the same way that lazy plot exposition does. I don't need the writers to explain everything to me, I'll pick it up as I go along. Nurse Jackie did this beautifully. I appreciate subtlety in story telling and the pilot managed to hint at a lot of things, illuminate others, and keep me guessing at most of the finer points, all without clunky descriptions or shameless plot exposition. I can be reasonably certain it was a good pilot when I can't remember most of the characters' names and I'm not sure how or if they're related. That sounds like it would be the hallmark of a terrible pilot, but it's not. The truly awful pilots use characters' first names over and over again for no apparent reason have characters answer the phone with, "Well, if it isn't my little brother Kevin! How is your new wife, Cheryl?" Um, thanks for the clarification? Don't get me wrong, it's nice to know who's who and all, but there are subtler ways to do it. In bad pilots, it's almost never seamless or smooth, it takes me out of the experience, and generally removes all suspension of disbelief. I'm more than happy to pick up information as I go along and am comfortable not knowing exactly what is going on 100% of the time. It makes it seem more authentic and I feel more immersed in the narrative.

That Jackie is dependent on prescription pain killers could have made her character a sad derivative of House, but the writers have very skillfully managed to avoid this. Jackie's dependence is largely a secret, and quite honestly reflects countless other people who have developed an addiction following an injury. Her dependence is compelling and it makes the fact that she's sleeping with the hospital pharmacist much more interesting and layered than your regular relationship. You have to ask yourself if she's seeing him simply to support her habit. The thought crossed my mind several times, but then was undercut by how they interacted with one another. He offered her pain killers for her back, which she initially refused, then ultimately accepted. This gave me the impression that she doesn't want to use him like that, but that her addiction is stronger than her resolve. I held this theory until the end of the episode when they were both standing in the rain under umbrellas. It was such a sweet, charming tableau that I had to reassess her motives. He gave her a Dr. Pepper, a moon pie, and some prescription narcotics before they both bid each other, "I love you," and departed. It was surprisingly sweet, almost childlike (in spite of the drugs), and even kind of touching. It made me reevaluate her motives once again. It was only the pilot and only their second scene together, but I already kinda, sorta adored them. They just seemed to make total sense together.

**SPOILER ALERT** (skip this paragraph if you don't want to know)
It's to the pilot's credit that they established Jackie's relationship with the pharmacist so quickly and effectively that I was genuinely surprised and a little dismayed at the end when it is revealed that Jackie has two daughters and is ostensibly happily married. Once again, I had to question her motives, and once again, I ended up without any certainty whatsoever. That she gave the moon pie to her girls was just perfect. It seemed such a strange gift to give her, but he meant it for her daughters. I think that makes me adore him even more. That there's a husband in the picture throws a major wrench into the works and I didn't see it coming at all. The reveal was sad and sweet and horrible and wonderful all at once.

As if the show's dramatic elements were enough, the show is also genuinely, darkly funny. It cracked me up on more than a few occasions, yet still retained its edge and tone. It didn't feel like the show was asking for the laugh, as so many do, but was still funny, smirk-worthy, and witty. The scene at dinner where Jackie and another doctor from the hospital are at a table next to a woman who is choking was fantastic. Unlike so many other shows where the doctors spring to their feet, announce that there's a doctor in the house and save the woman's life, Jackie and her friend groan and try to shirk the responsibility. Jackie ultimately ends up saving the woman's life instead of her friend, very matter-of-factly, because the friend is paying for lunch. The whole scene cracked me up and managed to surprise me--a tall order for someone who watches as much television as I do.

Along with all the other brilliantly conceived aspects of the show, there's a religious undercurrent that adds yet another layer of complexity. I'm not a religious type, to be sure, so I was surprised at how much I enjoyed watching Jackie grapple with her own ethics and morals and how that is affected by her religious background. All these elements blend together in a very smooth, seamless, organic way, and for this reason, I don't find myself annoyed at the contrivance, but rather accepting of, and intrigued by the essential facts at hand. To this end, the religious aspects of the show made for perfect book ends for the episode, beginning and ending with the sage advice of the saints. That the episode ended with St. Augustine's words, who accepted that there was good within him as well as bad, was perfect for Jackie--a saint and a sinner.

"Make me good, God--but not yet."

A powerful ending to a fantastic pilot. Looks like I'll be threatening to switch to Comcast on a regular basis...

Pilot Grade: A+

Because one horrible 90's reboot simply wasn't enough...

Oh, CW. It tries really hard to be a real network, but generally doesn't succeed... Quite frankly, after they cancelled Veronica Mars, I held very little loyalty to the net, but Gossip Girl helped soften the blow. Even the network's flagship serieseses don't yield tremendous ratings, but the CW seems to hang in there season to season (some how).

Well, with many of the CW's line-up reaching retirement age (oh god how I wish they'd retire them already), the waters ahead are looking even murkier (read: lowratingsy) than before. Standbys like Smallville, Supernatural, and (sadly, regrettably, embarrassingly) One Tree Hill (bleckk) are getting a little long in the tooth these days, and it's not just some wacky plotline. Smallville just wrapped it's 8th season (it's one of those shows I'm glad to say I broke up with back in its 3rd season and can't believe is still kicking, er, flying), Supernatural is already on to its 5th season starting this fall, and somehow (black magic, some seriously, seriously unfortunate karma, who knows), One Tree Hill has endured for 6 season and is coming back for its 7th (even if sans its two leads... somehow I don't think anyone will notice).

Anyway, in spite of the CW's willingness to keep these bad boys coming back year to year, they surely can't last forever (one would hope), so the CW really needs some solid pilots that can anchor the network in coming years. I'm not so sure the new slate looks any better than the old slate, but it certainly looks a lot like the mid-90's... I have it on good authority that the Melrose Place relaunch is a hell of a lot better than the 90210 relaunch, but that's like saying the arsenic has a smoother aftertaste than the hemlock, as far as I'm concerned...

The most promising sounding pilot, The Body Politic (starring Veronica Mars alum Jason Dohring), didn't get picked up for whatever reason and I'm hearing it's the best pilot we'll never see. Word is, it was a lot solid-er than most of the ones that did get the green light, so who knows just what Dawn Ostroff is smoking... Also, for all you Gossip Girls out there who have been hearing about the 80s spin-off that was backdoor piloted in the prom episode, it's looking less and less like anything will come of it. Ostroff insists it's still a possibility for mid-season, but I'm not holding my breath. Honestly, I was pretty underwhelmed by the backdoor pilot, so I'm kind of relieved it won't be airing...

Again, not being as privileged as my favorite TV reporters out there, I'm not privy to the pilots until they actually air, so I'm forced to base my assessments on clips and trailers alone. Fortunately, I'm just judgmental enough to be okay with that.

Anywho, here's what the CW will look like this fall. I'm actually hearing that none of the new shows is as bad as you'd suspect, but that's not exactly a ringing endorsement...

MELROSE PLACE

Oh, kiddies... Here we go again.







My Take: I actually didn't watch too much of the original series, so I'm kind of coming into this a little blind. I've heard from peeps on the web that the full pilot is actually kind of fun, but you know, in a horrible kind of way. Anything with Ashley Simpson pretty much gets a big "NO" in my book to begin with, so I don't have high hopes for this one. It looks like it's embracing the soapiness of the original right off the bat this time around (as opposed to getting progressively soapier), so if you're into that kind of thing, this is clearly the show for you. Already we have a murder mystery, blackmail, hidden pasts, alcoholism, uh, chef schoolery... Okay, so it's still got a ways to go before it's a full on soap operatic mess, but that was a fair showing for three short clips. I'm not exactly giddy for this one... bad acting, bad writing, weirdly off-putting drunk flirting... I'm hoping it's so bad it's awesome, but I'm guessing it'll be so bad it's awful. "She's the one who convinced me I could be a chef..." Oh, my god, this IS tragic! Heh.

THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE

On Wednesdays, America's Next Top Model will be followed-up by The Beautiful Life, a tale of wannabe top models living under one roof. The show includes an ensemble of Mischa Barton (The O.C.'s Marissa "I'm too drunk to stand... or act" Cooper, of course), Corbin Bleu (of High School Musical fame--now there's a pedigree to put in the press release...) and real-life supermodel Elle Macpherson as their modeling agency boss. It's produced by Ashton Kutcher, so you can make of that what you will... Anyways, here goes.





My Take: Oh, Mishca... As far as former O.C.ers are concerned, she's the one I'm least excited to see back in action. She's very one note. One bland, barely conscious note... This whole show looks like a mess. The acting is terrible (from Mischa? Whaaa?! Crazy, right?) and the whole concept is pretty weak. They've clearly tried to make everything seem a lot more important than it really is. I enjoy fashion well enough (lord knows Project Runway takes up more of my time than it should) and I'll admit to watching those crappy modeling competitions (I can't believe Branden won on Make Me a Supermodel--bleckk...), but at the end of the day, none of it really matters. Without some real substance to go with all the glitz, it's just a bunch of skinny girls stomping around and back-biting. Um, yay? Also, as much as I appreciate a good cameo, it's abundantly clear that Zach Posen should keep his day job. His bad acting managed to make everyone else's acting look a little better, but it really made the overall impression pretty awful. I doubt I'll be keeping this one on my schedule, but I'll tune in at first if for no other reason than to see Mischa's ignominious return to television (on a low budget CW disaster no less) after her film career... well, uh, yeah... [crickets] At least she's getting work? Maybe after a season or two she'll opt to get killed off again... For the sake of the show, one can only hope.

VAMPIRE DIARIES

Well, as is probably apparent from the title and governing network alone, this is clearly aimed at the Twilighters out there. I'm hearing it actually has some potential... which means it must be a hell of a lot better than its progenitor... So yeah, in case you've been experiencing an angsty vampire/mortal love story deficiency, search no more!







My Take: As with Twilight, my general opinion is if you're looking for some kick-ass vampire action and an ill-fated vampire/mortal love story, you'd be better off (MUCH better off) with Buffy. Joss Whedon actually knows what the hell he's doing. Stephanie Meyers and whoever is behind this show? Not so much. For what it is, it appears to follow all the rules and conventions accordingly, but I think it's more than a little hackneyed at this point. And once again, what's with the bad acting? Seriously, LA is teeming with young acting hopefuls and the CW ended up with the bottom of the barrel, it seems. To be fair, the acting in this one seems a lot better than in Melrose Place or The Beautiful Life, but that's not saying much... As ever, I'll give it a shot, but the whole concept is pretty woefully derivative and from the clips provided, I don't see that they've reinvented it in any meaningful way. My expectations are low to begin with, but god help me, if they sparkle in the sun, I might just have have a stroke.