Oh, Ann

Thanks to my dear friend Ann, items such as cookies and lattes have been forever altered (read: given a theme song). I guess it's my penance for completely goofifying words for her like "turkey" and "bus." With the holidays in full swing, cookies are even more prevalent at my house than usual (which is saying something, because really, my mom kind of sets the bar--which I believe is a Clark Bar). Every time I see or smell cookies in the house, I now have the following go through my head:

It's adorable, and bizarre, and funny. And if it's even possible, it's even more adorable and bizarre when Ann sings it...



That little gem entered my lexicon at Disneyworld while we were waiting for fireworks by Cinderella's Castle. Ann was waxing delicious about cookies and got that damn cucumber stuck in our heads for the rest of the night. It was totally worth it, however, because in pure Milana-esque serendipity, Jack arrived with cookies mere minutes afterward. Hot chocolate too. It truly is the most magical place on earth...

Oh, and yes, Ann knows every word. The way she sings, "'Cause I've got cookies! Three yummy cookies!" and "Be-cause it's Christmas" is hilarious. And she totally puts the lisp into the "Oh, Thanta" too... Solid gold.

Even before the word "cookie" had taken on its own enthusiastic theme song, the word "latte" was delight-ified when Ann played the following for me en route to dinner with the girls (you know, her old friends Annie and Kati... whom she was meeting for the first time).

This is also a shout out to my darling Olive from Pushing Daisies. You will be missed.



I love Kristin Chenoweth. :) But yeah, I was walking through Bed Bath & Beyond the other day and they had a latte machine that elicited some unwarranted giggles as a result of this song.

"Who 'da thought love could be so caffeinated?" Awesome. So long, Olive. I hope you find another gig that allows for singing the way Pushing Daisies did.

The Bubble Hath Burst...

The unfortunate (and sadly, probably inevitable) deaths of a couple of my favorite shows have finally been made official (well, mostly). Although news of the untimely demises of Pushing Daisies and Dirty Sexy Money (and Eli Stone, not that I care) came down from on high nearly a week ago, I am only now posting anything in this regard because I've been doing some investigating.

Because the weasely, non-committal ABC network has opted to "not pick up" these shows rather than "cancel" them, there was room for confusion that I wanted to avoid. Here's the deal:

• PUSHING DAISIES: My dear, darling, ratings-challenged Pushing Daisies... You never stood a chance. When PD premiered last fall, its ratings were solid, the hype was in full-tilt, and audiences took notice and tuned in. Then the writers' strike swept in, and PD (as with so many other series) found itself in a near 10 month hiatus. If that weren't enough to quash interest in the show by the casual viewer, ABC's shameless handling of the show proved the final nail in the coffin. After so many months off the air, ABC promised a splashy relaunch of the series. Said splashy relaunch apparently included such fantastic and awe-inspiring tactics as airing very little (if any) promotional spots, not re-airing the previous season (not even on ABC Family (because that would have been so tough and all, what with all the made-for-TV movies about broken homes and teen pregnancy that need to air)), and having the sophomore series anchor Wednesday night, in one of the busiest time-slots on the air. Brilliant!
  
  In the past, ABC held fairly high regard in my book (to the extent that regard for demonic TV networks is possible). But, given the handling of PD (and all the other returning sophomore series), my faith is shaken. When crap like Private Practice is allowed to live, but, well, any other show on the network gets the axe, it's hard to put any stock in ABC anymore.
  
  To be fair, this season of Pushing Daisies started off slow, and after such a long hiatus, some of the magic had worn off, even for stalwart fans such as myself. The creative team behind the show is still strong, but several directional decisions have made the show shine a little less brightly for me. Which, oddly, comes as a result of the show being a bit less dark and snarky... The sugar always had an edge that made me smile and the edge seems to have ebbed a bit... (On another note, is the background music driving anyone else crazy? It's too loud and for a show with this kind of intricate dialogue, you really can't afford to miss a single sentence. The background music in the first season was perfect, but this season it's distracting and kind of obnoxious...) In spite of the difficulty I've had getting back into full-swing, the past couple of episodes have really set things into motion and I'm beyond bummed that it won't be continuing. In spite of fears that the base concept for the show was unsustainable over time, the writers have done well to keep it going and I was always intrigued to see how they'd handle the concept's limitations in the future. Now it seems we may never know how it all plays out...
  
  Bottom Line: Although ABC won't man-up and admit that it's been "canceled," it has. The actors have been released from their contracts and production has stopped. The 13 initial episodes that were ordered by the network have been completed and as far as I have found, the remaining 6 episodes will air as usual. Bryan Fuller (the executive producer) and company did not film an alternate ending that could serve as a series finale, so the final episode will be just like any other episode, and will even end in a cliff-hanger. Everything that is up in the air will remain up in the air and loose ends will continue to be loose (you know, sleeping around and drinking and whatnot). I have heard rumor that Bryan Fuller plans to continue the story in the form of a comic book adaptation of the show, but not word yet on when that might come down the pike.
  
  I'm personally holding out hope that Ned could just touch the show (and Dirty Sexy Money) and let two others die in their places. You know, like Knight Rider and Private Practice... Just making suggestions...
  
  Farewell, show. You will be missed. Especially Olive.
  
  
• DIRTY SEXY MONEY: Another of my favorite shows that was screwed over by the writers' strike, the ABC network, and the retooling. Much the same as PD, this show was not relaunched properly and anyone who was jumping in for the first time would have a hell of a time getting caught up in it all. The show's writers made an active decision to make the show soapier, and as a result, the show was imbued with a very different tone and less successful results.
  
  The first season was surprisingly awesome. When it premiered last fall, I hadn't the faintest notion that I would enjoy it, and never dreamed it would find itself in my top tier. But, I was very pleasantly proven wrong (that's one of the perks of being a pessimist... you're always either proven right, or delighted to be wrong). The show was a hell of a lot of fun, but also had solid writing, excellent acting, and an emotional core that had viewers completely enamored. The current season, heralded as soapier, dirtier, sexier, and, uh, money-er, is still a delight, but in a very different, and less successful way. For what it is, I still totally enjoy it and will miss it when it's gone, but I'm not as invested as I once was and miss the tone and timing of last season. Juliet's untimely exit (thanks a lot, Samaire Armstrong--I hope rehab has been fun), some of the interpersonal dynamic was lost, and additions like Lucy Liu have far from filled the void. In spite of its newfound shortcomings, I sitll love the show. I know I love the show because the time goes by so quickly. I'm always suprised when it's time for another commercial break and can hardly believe the show is actually an hour long. The time just flies by, and unlike so many of my shows this season, has never felt like a chore to watch.
  
  Bottom Line: This is the only show of the trio that the network did not immediately let the actors out of their contracts. From what I've heard, production will continue through episode 13 (as planned), and if some sort of ratings miracle happens, ABC would still have the option to pick the show back up. I have little hope that this will happen, but it is a distinction. There are 7 episodes that have yet to air, and from what I've heard, they will all broadcast as usual.
  
  I'm going to miss the Darlings and company. Brian, Karen, and Jeremy, I'll miss you most of all.
  
  
• ELI STONE: Was also not picked up. I gave this one a shot last year, but it couldn't hold my attention. From what I hear of this season, the visions and the musical numbers have been majorly toned down and made more infrequent. As I recall, those were the only reasons anyone watched the show...
  
  There is no bottom line on this one. I enjoy Johnny Lee Miller and Spydaddy Jack Bristow as much as anyone, but this show really won't be missed.

These three cancellations are unfortunate (yes, even Eli Stone) for more reasons than my viewing schedule woes. They signal the problems with tracking viewers via the Neilsen's ratings system and the slow death of any show that isn't a nitty-gritty crime procedural on CBS. I understand that ABC didn't feel they could keep them, what with the low ratings and rather high production costs, but it still hurts, and I still blame ABC to the fullest. ABC and the economy. And the Bush administration... I'm not sure why, but it makes me feel better.

In other canceled news:

• Lipstick Jungle
• My Own Worst Enemy
  
• MADtv

In happier, they've been picked up news:

• Life
• Life on Mars (has been picked up for 4 more episodes, bringing the total to 17)
• Sanctuary
• Privileged (picked up for a total of 18)
• Oh, and Scrubs is coming back. It'll start airing on ABC starting January 6. Same cast, new episodes. Enjoy.

The other reason for a lot of these shows being canned is that, due to the writers' strike, very few new series premiered in the fall, so a whole lot of shows will be premiering for the mid-season. I'll begin compiling a list of things to come and let you know.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving...

With the economy going down the tubes over the past few months, I think I'd have to say the thing I'm most thankful for is...

job security.

While other places of work are barely hanging on, slowly going under, or imploding completely, my workplace is busier than ever. And, thanks to untold many state and federal government mandates, we have to exist, no matter how many people wish otherwise. We are constantly accused of withholding cancer treatment from small children, making desperate patients walk to the clinic uphill both ways in the snow, and showing no compassion at all. In actuality, we're just following a bunch of crazy rules that we sincerely wish we didn't have to enforce either, so feel free to bite us. If you want compassion, call the IRS.

Anyway, vicious barbs and slanderous jabs aside, we aren't going anywhere, and I'm seriously thankful for that.

The employees of the following establishments are likely not so lucky...

Below is the current list of stores that informed the Security Exchange of closing plans between October 2008 and January 2009.

• Circuit City stores... most recently announced, unknown how many stores will be closing
• Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide are to be closed (but where will I get my pink cashmere twin sets and matching pearl necklaces now?!)
• Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug ,and Catherine's to close 150 store nationwide
• Eddie Bauer to close 27 stores and more after January
• Cache will close all stores
• Talbots closing down all stores (and where will I get my granny-style business casual wear?!)
• J. Jill will be closing all stores
• GAP will be closing 85 stores
• Footlocker closing 140 stores more to close after January
• Wickes Furniture closing down (and, uh, my credenzas?)
• Levitz closing down remaining stores (I'm not sure what they sell, but I'm guessing it won't be missed)
• Bombay closing remaining stores
• Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January (where will I get my blood diamonds?! And where will all the fellas out there fulfill their industry-induced obligation to get huge, tacky, gaudy rings?!)
• Whitehall closing all stores
• Piercing Pagoda closing all stores (and my piercings! And my pagodas!)
• Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January (somehow, I think the Disney corporation will muddle through)
• Home Depot closing 15 stores
• Macys to close 9 stores after January
• Linens-n-Things closing all stores
• Movie Galley Closing all stores (those movie-lovin' pirates must be crushed)
• Pacific Sunware closing stores
• Pep Boys closing 33 stores
• Sprint/ Nextel closing 133 stores (but who will obnoxiously jump out at me in the mall like some sort of mugger/theme park carnie and try to sell me a bunch of crap I don't want?! I think I'll miss that most of all...)
• JC Penny closing a number of stores after January
• Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores
• Wilson Leather closing down all stores (and the cows rejoiced)
• Sharper Image closing down all stores
• K B Toys closing 356 stores
• Lowe's to close down some stores
• Dillard's to close some stores
• Mervyn's is already as good as dead--they're having a huge sale, but unfortunately, even at 90% off, their crap isn't worth buying

The moral of the story is, don't buy people gift cards this Christmas! For one, they're insanely tacky. And two, well, the store might just not be there when the giftee goes to cash in.

The crumbling economy hereby claims another innocent victim: lazy gift givers who can't be bothered to actually think of something unique/something they might actually like/good to give someone.

Oh, the humanity!

Guess who!

Depending on who's reading this, the answer may come as quickly as the title of the band, but others might have to actually watch. Even if you're immediately familiar with the person in question, I'm guessing you've never seen him perform. Have fun!







He's considerably more British and much less impecably groomed than usual, but therein lies the fun. :)

Chuck Bass, we love you.

The Fox Network can bite me & other news

As you can tell from the previous post on this blog, I'm a wee bit excited for Dollhouse to premiere on Fox early next year. I have been hopeful that Fox wouldn't screw the show over (and the poor viewers as well) again as they have so many times in the past, but I was wrong.

Dollhouse will premiere in its regular slot on FRIDAY, February 13TH.

Friday?!?! Seriously?!? The worst possible timeslot ever?! Ooooof course. I can just see the programming executives in the meeting, "Now let's see, we have a highly anticipated new series on a network that only has about 3 decent shows, so we could take this opportunity to add to our meager total, but... Nah. We'll put Dollhouse in the Friday night death slot and then blame it all on Joss when the show fails. Brilliant!"

What it really boils down to is the fact that the god-awful, inexplicably popular, crap-fest that is American Idol has taken over the network.

Not only is Dollhouse getting screwed over due to American Idol, but the only other scripted shows on the network are also getting shuffled around:

Starting Jan. 19, House will be airing Mondays at 8, leading into 24. Bones, too, is getting a new home: Thursdays at 8, as of Jan. 15. Because what casual viewer doesn't just love having to track down their shows week-to-week. I'm no casual viewer, so I'll be fine, but the shows themselves always seem to suffer.

Oh yes, and the powers that be at Fox figured, "Hey, as long as we're going to destroy Dollhouse, we may as well decimate Terminator as well. I know, we put it on Friday as well! Double brilliant!"

Poor, struggling Terminator is going to be Dollhouse's lead in. Not that it doesn't make for a decent pairing, but Terminator is having a hard time in the ratings these days, and putting on Friday is pretty much the last nail in the coffin... a nail which has decided to make a name for itself in the world, and will try to take Dollhouse down as well. And knowing the Fox Network, will likely succeed. Bah!

In other news, here are the latest pick-ups and drops:

FULL SEASON PICK-UPS:

• American Dad: Never seen it...


• Samantha Who?: Well, it has been picked up to a total of 20 episodes (which, for the record, is two shy of a full order). The brass at ABC said that the way the schedule worked out, they would only need 20, or something like that...


• Kath and Kim: In case further evidence that NBC is in a seriously craptacular state was called for (the pick-up of Knight Rider being one of the first harbingers of the network's demise), Kath and Kim, the positively embarrassing American remake of an Australian hit show has been picked up. It's painful, peeps. Oh, NBC. When did you start defying Bart Simpson's laws of physics by both sucking and blowing? In related news, my reserved box seats in hell are frozen solid. (That picture alone should be enough to convince you that it's terrible (read: don't waste your time giving it a shot--you'll want to gouge your eyes out.))
  

CANCELLED:

• Valentine: What can one say? Everyone was so thrilled when Dexter stabbed Lila through the heart that seeing her vampiric self emerge on another show was just too damned disturbing to endure. Here's hoping she receives a similar send off.


• Easy Money: It's not easy being on the CW. There's no money in it.


• The Ex-List: Don't believe me about the Friday night death slot? Enter The Ex-List. I never saw it, but by most accounts, it was a good show in a terrible position. Also, the concept didn't really lend itself to more than one season, so I'm guessing it was pretty easy for the network to drop the axe. (Also, anyone appearing in Twilight probably deserves this, so it's all Elizabeth Reaser's fault.)


• King of the Hill: It hasn't so much been cancelled as retired. After 13 years (good lord, really?), King of the Hill will end its run. Or will it... Word on the street is that ABC is courting the long-running show... I doubt anything will come of that, but the possibility is out there.

Dollhouse Revisited

So, as probably none of you knows (except for Jack, of course), Joss Whedon's new series, Dollhouse, has undergone some big changes of late. First we heard that production had been shut down, then there's word that shut downs aren't always a bad sign, and then we heard the most disturbing news of all, that the original pilot had been all but completely scrapped. In spite of assurances that all is well (for the most part) from Joss, I'm still concerned...

I was quite excited about the show when I saw the original trailer (in spite of Eliza Dushku's shameful (REALLY shameful) Spanish (I mean, seriously, did she even practice that? It's not like it was Swahili or something...):



It struck me as having Joss' usual action and excitement but also the levity and charm of past series. While it's hard to assess the need for improvements based solely on a trailer, apparently there were a lot of changes that needed to be made (a decision that I'm guessing had more to do with the Fox network than Joss, but I've been hearing a lot of mixed reports). Joss asserts that this is a good thing, but I can't help seeing it as a bad sign. I mean geez, they basically re-shot the whole pilot!

As you can see from the new trailer below, a lot of changes have been made. Even the scenes that are basically the same on paper have been reshot (and I'm not sure why...) I guess they wanted to spruce up the set? All in all, it's a good trailer, and I'm still very excited for the show, but I was a lot more excited after the first trailer came out.

This new offering just seems less fun and a lot more heavy-handed and serious. Joss doesn't do the straight-forward drama ever, really, so this trailer is a bit perplexing. It's as though they sapped the the funniness and playfulness right out of the series (or at least that's how they have chosen to present it to viewers). I didn't watch this trailer and think, "Hey, that's a Joss Whedon production!" as I had with the first one. It just didn't strike me as quite so quintessentially Joss as the previous one, and in my universe, that's not a good thing...

Here's hoping it all comes together. Still excited, still a good trailer, just not as Joss-y as one would hope...

TV, I love you, but you're bringing me down...

I love TV. I love having a ridiculously full slate of shows each night and giddily waiting for the fun to begin. Even the summer, once bastion of reruns and god-awful reality shows, has slowly been filled with delightful scripted programming.

However...

The writers' strike put a definite crimp in the fall schedule, leading a paltry, pathetic, pittance of new programming (and appears to be inversely correlated to the alarming amount of alliteration in the world). Anyway, that started the season off on the wrong foot, forcing me to rely more heavily on my tried and true returning shows. At first this seemed like a viable plan, but the current state of affairs regarding a few of my regulars is leading to some conflicted melancholy... I'll begin with one of the primary offenders:

Dear Grey's Anatomy,

Our affair began as so many do--love at first sight (well, almost). When I first heard about you, I was hardly intrigued at all. But the first couple of times I truly laid eyes on you, after a fairly insignificant tryst with The Practice, I believe, I was completely enamored.

Could it be? Could a mid-season replacement with a hackneyed premise really have swept me off my feet so effortlessly? It's true. It's all true. The first season was a diabolically guilty pleasure that filled a void in my viewing schedu--I, uh, mean heart... The second season was likewise engaging, catapulting the show into my top tier.

And then the third season came lumbering along... As with any affair, things get old after a while, and that I could deal with! But this... The pain, the agony, the Gizzie of it all! Make it stop! The fourth season tried to recapture what we had lost, but the love was all but gone. I remained loyal merely out of habit, not of true infatuation.

And so my loyalty limped into the current season. An improvement over last, and a VAAAAAAST improvement over the woefully eye-gouging season 3, but I think the magic is lost. I'm starting to feel like I'm stuck in an abusive relationship. I'm loyal and loving and I just keep getting mentally and emotionally smacked around. Meredith's whining is unbearable, George's brooding is completely out of character and unbecoming, Alex's rage is overdone, and Izzie's, well, presence, is nigh suicide-inducing.

As it turns out, Christina is the only reason I stick around anymore. She was one of many reasons I began watching you in the first place and now she's the only reason I hang on. And now I'm just not sure it's enough... There are other characters I like, but now it appears that the powers that be are hell-bent on taking them from me. Dr. Erica Hahn's last episode will be Thursday. And, while not my favorite character in the whole wide world, she was really the only character who struck me as someone who could be a real doctor. She wasn't all bunnies and cookies and she didn't constantly bitch and moan about her relationships (I'm looking at you, Meredith... Oh, hell, I'm looking at you ENTIRE REST OF THE CAST) and that's what made her great. Thanks a lot, Grey's. Way to kill off our relationship even quicker.

Anyway, abrupt and unanticipated departures aside, the show has gotten so much better... but I think it's beyond saving. Our relationship is dwindling and I haven't the strength to carry on. In the spirit of honesty, I have to say that I've even cheated on you a few times. And with a much older show... CSI just swooped in while you were letting me down. What can I say? I appreciate a show that kills off characters that totally deserve it, and you don't. Although if it came down to Warrick or Izzie, I'd rather Warrick had lived, taken over CSI, and brooding, tortured, bad boy-ed all day every day.

Long story short? I think we're over. Maybe if Izzie gets mauled by a bear while falling down an elevator shaft onto a pile of jagged rocks that were previously exposed to uranium leading to her horrible, terrible, fabulous death, then we could talk... (Come on, you'd be giving us a second chance AND doing the world a tremendous favor... Promise you'll think about it... I've included some pictures to help you visualize. It would be so easy. All the cool kids are doing it...)

Until then, my affections have waned, and your storylines just don't matter to me anymore... I can't believe I've wasted the best years on my life with you!

So long...

Sucka...

Yours conflictedly,

Me

P.S. Don't feel too bad. You just wait till I "dear John" Heroes. There will be blood. Tootles!

[And in case the title of this post sounds vaguely familiar, well, you're probably a Gossip Girl fan. Now there's a love that never lets me down.]