In the spirit of Thanksgiving...

With the economy going down the tubes over the past few months, I think I'd have to say the thing I'm most thankful for is...

job security.

While other places of work are barely hanging on, slowly going under, or imploding completely, my workplace is busier than ever. And, thanks to untold many state and federal government mandates, we have to exist, no matter how many people wish otherwise. We are constantly accused of withholding cancer treatment from small children, making desperate patients walk to the clinic uphill both ways in the snow, and showing no compassion at all. In actuality, we're just following a bunch of crazy rules that we sincerely wish we didn't have to enforce either, so feel free to bite us. If you want compassion, call the IRS.

Anyway, vicious barbs and slanderous jabs aside, we aren't going anywhere, and I'm seriously thankful for that.

The employees of the following establishments are likely not so lucky...

Below is the current list of stores that informed the Security Exchange of closing plans between October 2008 and January 2009.

• Circuit City stores... most recently announced, unknown how many stores will be closing
• Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide are to be closed (but where will I get my pink cashmere twin sets and matching pearl necklaces now?!)
• Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug ,and Catherine's to close 150 store nationwide
• Eddie Bauer to close 27 stores and more after January
• Cache will close all stores
• Talbots closing down all stores (and where will I get my granny-style business casual wear?!)
• J. Jill will be closing all stores
• GAP will be closing 85 stores
• Footlocker closing 140 stores more to close after January
• Wickes Furniture closing down (and, uh, my credenzas?)
• Levitz closing down remaining stores (I'm not sure what they sell, but I'm guessing it won't be missed)
• Bombay closing remaining stores
• Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January (where will I get my blood diamonds?! And where will all the fellas out there fulfill their industry-induced obligation to get huge, tacky, gaudy rings?!)
• Whitehall closing all stores
• Piercing Pagoda closing all stores (and my piercings! And my pagodas!)
• Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January (somehow, I think the Disney corporation will muddle through)
• Home Depot closing 15 stores
• Macys to close 9 stores after January
• Linens-n-Things closing all stores
• Movie Galley Closing all stores (those movie-lovin' pirates must be crushed)
• Pacific Sunware closing stores
• Pep Boys closing 33 stores
• Sprint/ Nextel closing 133 stores (but who will obnoxiously jump out at me in the mall like some sort of mugger/theme park carnie and try to sell me a bunch of crap I don't want?! I think I'll miss that most of all...)
• JC Penny closing a number of stores after January
• Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores
• Wilson Leather closing down all stores (and the cows rejoiced)
• Sharper Image closing down all stores
• K B Toys closing 356 stores
• Lowe's to close down some stores
• Dillard's to close some stores
• Mervyn's is already as good as dead--they're having a huge sale, but unfortunately, even at 90% off, their crap isn't worth buying

The moral of the story is, don't buy people gift cards this Christmas! For one, they're insanely tacky. And two, well, the store might just not be there when the giftee goes to cash in.

The crumbling economy hereby claims another innocent victim: lazy gift givers who can't be bothered to actually think of something unique/something they might actually like/good to give someone.

Oh, the humanity!