NBC can officially (and unofficially) bite me.

So yeah, May is upfront season. It's generally pretty straight forward, but apparently NBC is trying to buck the system by being completely useless. Way to sock it to 'em, morons!

NBC used to be quite the powerhouse network. Back in the days when Friends and ER were dominating the airwaves, NBC was always a major contender. Well, in the past few years, as NBC's programming has gotten progressively crappier and reality dreck like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars have kind of taken over, NBC's overall ratings have been slipping pretty consistently to the point where struggles night in and night out.

Well, in a bizarre attempt to shake things up, NBC has decided to overhaul its upfront procedures. Last year they announced their line-up earlier than the other networks and offered up some truly strange programming at some rather perplexing times of year. Well, their attempts at setting themselves apart from the other nets didn't work out so well for them. In spite of last year's failure, they once again announced their upfronts, or as they're lovingly called by insiders, their "infronts," early once again. Only this time, they didn't actually disclose anything that was particularly useful! You know, like the fates of all of their bubble shows! Seriously NBC, WTF?!

Yeah, they unveiled a whole bunch of crap, but the information viewers actually want, the fates of shows like Chuck, Law & Order, Life, and My Name is Earl were left undetermined. [[This just in, Life has been cancelled. Bah! Stupid network!]] Word on the street says that they will likely not disclose pick-ups or cancellations of these shows for another couple of weeks (i.e. not until all the other networks have their upfronts starting on the 18th). So what exactly was the point of having their upfronts early? Oh, wait, there was no point. I can see where they are trying to set themselves apart so that their new shows don't get overshadowed by the other networks, but this is bad PR through and through. The fans are pissed, the critics are annoyed, and NBC is left looking fairly ridiculous.

Here's what we do know:

• Southland was picked up for 13 episodes
• Medium was picked up for 13-16 episodes
• Heroes was picked up for (I believe) 18 episodes (although it should have been cancelled as far as I'm concerned).
• And The Office and Parks and Recreation were picked up as well (I have to admit, Parks and Rec isn't really doing it for me... It's funny, but the base concept is lacking. I already don't really care about the park and it looks like that's going to be the main focus until the end of time...)
• Other shows were picked up as well (you know, like their reality crap), but I'm mainly posting the stuff that people would actually be worried about...
• We won't learn the official fates of Chuck, Law & Order, Life, and My Name is Earl won't be announced until probably May 19th, but at this point, Law & Order and Chuck are looking pretty safe (yay for Chuck!)
• As mentioned above, Life has been officially cancelled. While the second season was a little shaky, it was a really good show and definitely a hell of a lot better than most of the new crap they'll be unveiling (see below for the disappointing details... yikes).

Aside from the pick-ups of returning shows, NBC also announced several new series that will be premiering in the fall. Don't get too excited yet, most of them sound utterly craptastic... Below are the official descriptions and then my initial assessments of them.

**First up, the dramas**

PARENTHOOD
From the executive producers of the box-office hit "Parenthood" -- Ron Howard and Brian Grazer (Oscar winners for "A Beautiful Mind"), and writer/executive producer Jason Katims ("Friday Night Lights") -- this contemporary re-imagining of the blockbuster film depicts the colorful and imperfect Braverman family -- four grown siblings sharing the headaches, heartaches and joy of being parents. The star-studded cast includes Peter Krause, Maura Tierney, Craig T. Nelson, Dax Shepard, Bonnie Bedelia, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen and Sarah Ramos. When Sarah Braverman (Tierney, "ER"), a financially strapped single mother, returns home to her parents and siblings in Berkeley, Calif. after packing up her Fresno apartment and uprooting her two inconvenienced kids, Amber (Mae Whitman, "In Treatment") and Drew (Miles Heizer, "ER"), she is greeted by her opinionated father, Zeek (Nelson, "Family Stone," "Coach"), and strong mother, Camille (Bedelia, "Heart Like a Wheel"), who are privately dealing with their own marital issues. As Sarah is reunited with her siblings -- sister, Julia (Christensen, "Traffic"), and brothers Crosby (Shepard, "Baby Mama") and Adam (Krause, "Six Feet Under") -- all struggling with issues of their own, it's clear that the Braverman reunion is just what they need to face the everyday challenges of modern family life. "Parenthood" is a production from Imagine Entertainment and Universal Media Studios. Emmy winner Thomas Schlamme ("The West Wing") directs the pilot.



My take: All right, as anyone who knows me knows, I don't like children. And, I particularly don't like children when they're on TV, because, let's face it, they ruin everything (see Friends, Alias, Angel, etc.). As far as I'm concerned, children don't become viable characters until they're teenagers. There are exceptions, to be sure, but by and large, there are only so many storylines a show can have involving a 6 year old. In spite of such opinions, this show looks very well made and has a truly impressive cast. Peter Krause is excellent in everything, Maura Tierney is great, Mae Whitman has Arrested Development (and Avatar) cred to back her up, and just about everyone else is a known actor with a solid resume. I get the impression that this show will focus more on the adults than the children, so that gives me some hope. Not that I relish hearing about other people's kids on a regular basis, but I think this show has potential. I'll certainly be giving it a shot with the hopes that it doesn't suffer the usual pitfalls of shows that revolve around young kids. Based on the clips, it appears to have a lot more humor and a lot less saccharine than the usual fare, so I'm optimistic.

MERCY
"Mercy," a new medical drama with a unique point of view, portrays the lives of the staff at Mercy Hospital as seen through the eyes of those who know it best -- its nurses. Nurse Veronica Callahan (Taylor Schilling, "Dark Matter") returns to Mercy from a military tour in Iraq -- and she knows more about medicine than all of the residents combined. Together with fellow nurses Sonia Jimenez (Jamie Lee Kirchner, "Rescue Me") and Chloe Payne (Michelle Trachtenberg, "Gossip Girl"), Callahan navigates through the daily traumas and social landmines of life and love both inside the hospital and out in the real world. The cast also includes: James Tupper ("Men in Trees") as Dr. Chris Sands, a new doctor at the hospital who complicates Veronica's life; Diego Klattenhoff ("Supernatural") as Mike Callahan, Veronica's husband; and Guillermo Diaz ("Weeds") as Nurse Angel Lopez. "Mercy" is a production from Universal Media Studios and Berman Braun. Joining writer/executive producers Liz Heldens (NBC's "Friday Night Lights") and Gretchen Berg & Aaron Harberts ("Pushing Daisies," "Pepper Dennis") are executive producers Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun. Emmy Award winner Adam Bernstein (NBC's "30 Rock," "Rescue Me") is the director.



My take: With a name like Mercy, you'd think they'd have some. Oh, lordy. It's your typical medical drama (with a Grey's Anatomy tint), but this time it's totally unique, because this time...wait for it... it's from the point of view of nurses! Huzahh! How innovative! Yeah, not so much. The reason most medical dramas don't focus on the nurses? Because nurses are the ones who change bed pans and give sponge baths. Don't get me wrong, nurses are absolutely essential to all the complicated surgeries and emergencies and no hospital could operate without them (heh, literally), but they also get a lot of the most unpleasant of tasks. I'm guessing this show will be skirting that issue in favor of the main character being a badass who knows more than all the doctors because she served in Iraq... Oy. Talk about a conceit I'm not all that excited about... Oh, and then throw Dawn into the mix. This show looks pretty well made and has a premise that will likely find a sizable audience, but it's your standard medical drama, only with less cool medical and a lot more drama. I'll give it a shot, I'm sure, but so far it's not looking like my cup of tea.

TRAUMA
Executive producer Peter Berg (NBC's "Friday Night Lights") delivers "Trauma," the first high-octane medical drama series to live exclusively in the field where the real action is. Like an adrenaline shot to the heart, "Trauma" is an intense, action-packed look at one of the most dangerous medical professions in the world: first responder paramedics. When emergencies occur, the trauma team from San Francisco General is first on the scene, traveling by land, by sea or by air to reach their victims in time. From the heights of the city's Transamerica Pyramid to the depths of the San Francisco Bay, these heroes must face the most extreme conditions to save lives -- and give meaning to their own existence in the process. Starring in "Trauma" are Derek Luke ("Notorious"), Cliff Curtis ("10,000 B.C"), Anastasia Griffith ("Damages"), Aimee Garcia ("George Lopez"), Kevin Rankin ("Friday Night Lights") and Jamey Sheridan ("Law & Order: Criminal Intent"). "Trauma" is a production of Universal Media Studios and Film 44. Berg, Sarah Aubrey ("Bad Santa," "Friday Night Lights"), Dario Scardapane and Jeffrey Reiner ("Friday Night Lights") serve as executive producers. The pilot was written by Scardapane and directed by Reiner.



My take: Apparently when NBC lost ER, it decided it needed to overcompensate... Here we have yet another medical drama, only this time, it's told from the perspective of, wait for it, the paramedics! I love a good medical drama as much as the next person, but seriously? I think it's time for TV to pick a new career to focus on. Two new medical dramas, both on NBC, and both have badass rebels trach-ing someone in the field--because apparently that's just the coolest thing ever, and when establishing someone as a medical maverick, that's the required way to do it. Or was that first one a pneumothorax? Whatever. It all kind of blurs together after a while. I've seen it all 800 times before. Anyway, this show seems way to serious and self-important for my tastes. Which, don't get me wrong, it's a serious job, but this is a TV show. Oh, and I love how they point out the fact that the characters are stereotypical by boiling them down to "The Father", "The Fighter", and "The Rebel". You know, just in case it wasn't obvious enough. The cast doesn't really jump out at me as anything special and the show appears not to have a light-hearted bone in its body. Again, it looks pretty well made, but I've seen it all before. For a genre show to truly be engaging, it needs to turn the genre on its ear and that can't be achieved merely by changing the show's perspective to a slightly different kind of medical professional. It might be an awesome show, but unless it has something special, it's only going to bore people who've seen it all before. Based just on the trailer, it doesn't look it'll have what it takes to suck me in (pretty much your standard storylines and characters, beginning to end), but I'll give it shot I suppose.

DAY ONE
From executive producer/writer Jesse Alexander ("Heroes," "Lost," "Alias") and director Alex Graves ("Fringe," "Journeyman"), "Day One" tells the story of life on earth following a global catastrophe that has devastated the world's infrastructures. Beginning with the immediate aftermath of the cataclysmic event, an eclectic band of survivors -- played by Adam Campbell ("Date Movie"), Catherine Dent ("The Shield"), Julie Gonzalo ("Eli Stone"), David Lyons ("ER"), Derek Mio ("Greek"), Carly Pope ("24"), Thekla Reuten ("Sleeper Cell") and Addison Timlin ("Cashmere Mafia") -- strives to rebuild society as they unravel the mysteries of what happened and face their uncertain future. The group, all residents of one apartment building in suburban Van Nuys, Calif., embarks on a quest for survival and discovers that hope is found in small victories -- and heroes are born every day. "Day One" is a Universal Media Studios production.



My take: Initial thought? Oy. It sounds pretty self-indulgent and overly ambitious. The cast leaves much to be desired... As much as I love watching a bunch of overly attractive 20 somethings (oh, wait, I mean "eclectic band of survivors") trying to survive some horrible something or other, it's been done, and I'm guessing to a much more successful degree. The clip didn't really give me much to base an initial assessment on, but bottom line? I think this concept has been played out too many times before to be original, and Day One doesn't have the bare bones to play it again successfully. I think we'll just have to wait for an actual trailer, but it's all sounding very Lost-y at this point... only crappy.

**Next up, the comedies (or in the case of our first contestant, "comedies")**

100 QUESTIONS (fka "100 Questions for Charlotte Payne")
Emmy winner James Burrows ("Will & Grace," "Friends") directs "100 Questions," a new comedy series written and executive-produced by Christopher Moynihan ("For Your Consideration") that provides hilarious answers to 100 questions about love. Charlotte Payne (Sophie Winkleman, "Peep Show") is looking for love and has rejected multiple marriage proposals -- but she has yet to meet Mr. Right. When she joins a popular online dating site, she gets a little help from her dating counselor Ravi (Amir Talai, "The Ex List") – who requires her to take a 100-question compatibility test. The questions aren't easy for Charlotte to answer, and each one requires her to recount a poignant and humorous time in her life with friends Leslie (Elizabeth Ho, "Women's Murder Club"), Jill (Joy Suprano, NBC's "Law & Order"), Mike (Christopher Moynihan "For Your Consideration") and Wayne (David Walton "Quarterlife"). The test becomes a journey of self-discovery for Charlotte who begins to realize what she truly wants in a relationship. Ron West ("Psych"), Kelly Kulchak ("Psych") and Michelle Nader ("King of Queens") join Moynihan as executive producers. The series is produced by Universal Media Studios and Tagline.



My take: Bad. I mean, really bad. The laugh track alone was enough to annoy me, but for decent comedies, I'm willing to overlook that (see How I Met Your Mother). For comedies with a bunch of no-talent no-names, however, it's unbelievably obnoxious. It makes the fact that it's not funny all the un-funnier because it reminds the audience of how funny it's supposed to be, but isn't. The premise is flimsy and hackneyed at best. It's as though the writers were trying to come up with something clever, but instead just borrowed pieces from other sit-coms and hoped it would turn into something awesome. It did not. The female lead is unengaging and doesn't strike me as able to carry a series. Her friends are all standard stereotypical sit-com cardboard cutouts, only not so good. The requisite good-looking ladies man is only okay-ish looking and doesn't have the charm to compensate. The other friends are pretty standard and at least seem capable of filling their meager roles, but that's not saying much. Bottom line, I'm less than enthused and won't be giving this one much of a chance. I realize that was only the trailer and a show can't truly be judged on a few clips alone, but the trailer is where shows generally put their best material, hoping to gain viewers, so if those were the good clips, I don't want to see the bad ones. Yikes. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

COMMUNITY
From Emmy Award-winning directors Joe and Anthony Russo ("Arrested Development") comes "Community," a smart comedy series about higher education -- and lower expectations. The student body at Greendale Community College is made up of high-school losers, newly divorced housewives, and old people who want to keep their minds active. Within these not-so-hallowed halls, "Community" focuses on a band of misfits, at the center of which is a fast-talkin' lawyer whose degree has been revoked (Joel McHale, "The Soup"), who form a study group and end up learning a lot more about themselves than they do about their course work. In addition to McHale, the series also stars: Gillian Jacobs ("The Book of Daniel"); Yvette Nicole Brown ("Rules of Engagement"); Danny Pudi ("Greek"); Alison Brie ("Mad Men"); and comedy legend Chevy Chase ("Saturday Night Live"). "Community" is a Krasnoff Foster Entertainment, Harmonious Claptrap and Russo Brothers production in association with Sony Pictures Television and Universal Media Studios. Russ Krasnoff ("The Soloist"), Dan Harmon ("The Sarah Silverman Program"), Joe Russo ("Arrested Development"), Anthony Russo ("Arrested Development") and Gary Foster ("The Soloist") serve as executive producers. Joe and Anthony Russo directed the pilot that was written by Dan Harmon.



My take: From the cast list, I already had a lot more hope for this show than the other comedy offered up by NBC, and thankfully, such hopes were rewarded. :) This show looks kinda, sorta, really awesome! I love Joel McHale (The Soup has a permanent spot on my DVR list) and John Oliver is always hilarious (The Daily Show also has a permanent spot). The rest of the cast is really funny as well. A lot of the supporting players are the kind of actors who look familiar, but can't quite place (aside from Chevy Chase, whose status gained a few points with his recent guest stint on Chuck). The premise looks to have a lot of potential for great storylines, so if this show finds an audience (and I sincerely hope it does), I can see where it would have sustainable longevity. In short, the trailer really cracked me up, which, for a show I knew nothing about previously is a pretty tall order. I guess I can't be too surprised given the people involved, but it's just not all that often that a comedy comes along that doesn't suck. ;)