Who'd have guessed Fox would come through for me in the clutch?

The upfronts were last week and they came with more than a few surprises. The fates of NBC's shows were decided a while ago (yay for Chuck! (even if we'll have to wait till March)), so now I can move on to the other nets.

The Fox network has a long, painful, sordid, disappointing past, but they made a real effort to redeem themselves this year. Network president Kevin Reilly gave Dollhouse a stay of execution and allowed for a 13 episode initial pick-up for next season. In spite of criminally undeserved low ratings, Dollhouse's notable online numbers and Whedon's obsessive fans help get a renewal. Deep down, I think Reilly was just sick to death of Whedon fans decrying the network day in and day out, but motives aside, I'm thrilled it got a pick-up. It started out a little shakey, but really hit its stride as the season went on. And, if precedent serves, the second season will be even better than the first. The fledgling seasons of Buffy and Angel were good, but the second seasons were much, much better. So let it be with Dollhouse.

The DH renewal provided a win for nerds, but the cancellation of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was a fair blow for many. I never got into the show, but I hear it was really solid, and the fact that it featured Summer Glau (a Whedon alum) automatically wins it some points. The TSCC fans cried foul when DH got picked up and TSCC didn't, but TSCC got a reprieve last year and was granted two seasons total, so I say it's DH's turn. :) Plus, now Summer is free to jump shows. While she would make an excellent doll (let's face it, she's basically been playing that role for years now), it sounds like Joss has other plans in mind. Whatever happens, I'm excited to see it.

A final note on Dollhouse, before I get to the new pilots, it's sounding like the episode titled "Epitaph One" won't be airing on Fox and will only be on the DVD set (and possibly at Comic-Con). Felicia Day (aka Penny from Dr. Horrible) plays some sort of post-apocalyptic fighter girl, so I'm completely stoked. Oh, Joss. Only he would cast Felicia in such a role. Awesome. For an interview with Felicia where she talks about DH, go here.

Anyway, in other picked up and cancelled Fox news:

Pick-Ups:
24, American Dad, American Idol, Bones (for 2 seasons... yay...), Dollhouse, Family Guy, Fringe, House, Kitchen Nightmares, Lie to Me (for 13 episodes--initially), The Simpsons, and 'Til Death

Deaths:
King of the Hill, Prison Break, Sit Down Shut Up, and TSCC

So yeah, those are the kiddies who will and will not be returning next year. Among those that will be returning will be a slate of newbies, most of which will suck. Here are the new shows you get to look forward to, or in the case of a few of these, avoid like the plague...

Below are the official descriptions and then my initial assessments of them.

PAST LIFE

Network Write-Up: From writer David Hudgins (“Friday Night Lights”), and inspired by the book “The Reincarnationist” by M.J. Rose, comes PAST LIFE, a new drama series about an unlikely pair of past-life detectives who investigate whether what is happening to you today is the result of who you were before. DR. KATE MCGINN is not your typical psychologist. Confident, outspoken and highly educated, she works at The Talmadge Center for Behavioral Health in New York City, a world-renowned institute dedicated to the study of the science of the soul. After experiencing a past-life regression in her 20s, Kate became a believer in reincarnation. Using regression therapy and her natural gift for reading people, Kate helps solve the mysteries of her troubled clients who suffer from present-day problems caused by past-life traumas. She believes there are levels of consciousness and explanations for human behavior that science can’t begin to explain. Accustomed to skeptics, but not bothered by them, Kate is an unapologetic believer and a force of nature who marches to the beat of her own drummer. Her partner, PRICE WHATLEY, is a different story. A former NYPD homicide detective, pragmatic and cynical, Price is a damaged soul who constantly battles grief and guilt over the accidental death of his wife. Price feels that Kate, though not certifiable, certainly operates on the fringes of science. It's a volatile relationship, but with Price's solid detective skills, and Kate's penchant for out-of-the-box thinking, together they make a formidable, if somewhat dysfunctional, team. A fast-paced emotional thrill ride, each episode finds Price and Kate working with their colleagues to unravel a new mystery involving the past-lives of their clients. DR. MALACHI TALMADGE (Richard Schiff, “The West Wing”) is Kate’s mentor and the center’s namesake, an avuncular but gruff elder statesman who is a legend in the field of cognitive research.



My take: Yeah, you lost me at "the world's authority on past lives." Apparently when all the real professions have been played out on TV, you have to start making some up. Fortunately, the people employed by this fake profession are pretty and blonde, so who cares! I don't know, in the right hands, with the right showrunner, and handled in just the right way, this could work, but the odds of that being the case just aren't good. The trailer alone struck me as nothing but lame. I kind of like the Minority Report cinematography (a conceit that was handled in just the right way so that it actually worked), but the concept is just so very silly that all the pizzazz in the world likely won't save it. It's a shame that so much money and talent went into such a cheeseball story. Richard Schiff? Really? I'm so disappointed...

HUMAN TARGET

Network Write-Up: It takes a brave, selfless man to make himself a “human target” in order to save the lives of those in danger. Based on the popular DC Comics comic book and graphic novel, HUMAN TARGET is a full-throttle action drama centered on CHRISTOPHER CHANCE (Mark Valley, FRINGE), a unique private contractor/security guard hired to protect. Call him what you like, because for Chance, it’s about one thing only: saving his clients’ lives. When there is an unusual or imminent threat that can’t be solved through “normal” means of protection, Chance is hired to completely integrate himself into his clients’ lives – to become the human target. If you’re a corporate manager whose disgruntled employee has gone violently off the deep end, Chance is your new auditor. If you’re the president of a bank who’s been tipped off to a potential heist, Chance is your unassuming bank teller. During each job, Chance, assisted by his business partner WINSTON (Chi McBride, “Pushing Daisies”) and hired gun GUERRERO (Jackie Earle Haley, “Watchmen”), puts himself directly in the line of fire as he races against time to save his client, while unraveling the truth behind the mission. With every new danger, Chance’s dark history will also unravel. Does anyone know who Christopher Chance really is, or what secrets lay buried in his past? What would make a man willingly become a HUMAN TARGET?



My take: This one looks like it could be fun, but it also looks like it's trying to be Burn Notice, and NO ONE can hold a candle to Burn Notice... It's got your typical "he's a badass with specialized skills who can do things no one else can" conceit, which is overdone, to be sure, but it has a solid cast (for the most part) and doesn't appear to take itself too seriously (which is appreciated). I love Chi McBride and Jackie Earl Haley always does a great job, but I have to admit, Mark Valley doesn't really do it for me... I didn't like him in Fringe, but I'm hoping he's better here. All in all, this one looks like it could be a lot of fun. It could also be a completely pointless shoot-em-up action show without any real substance, but I'm hopeful that's not the case. I'm not sure who the showrunner is at this point, so it's hard to tell. Based solely on the talent involved and the trailer, I think this one has some real potential. Don't get me wrong, I'd still much rather have Michael Westen watching my back or keeping me safe, but surely he can't save everybody (and would probably take pleasure in seeing Carla die in a train wreck). Overall, I think this show could work and I'll definitely be giving it a chance. Oy, speaking of, Christopher Chance? Seriously? That's the name? Was Warren Fearless already taken? Ugh. I'm going to choose to ignore that...

GLEE

Network Write-Up: McKinley High School's Glee Club used to be at the top of the show choir world, but years later, it has turned into a haven for misfits and social outcasts. But at McKinley, things for the Glee Club are about to change. From Ryan Murphy, the creator of “Nip/Tuck,” comes GLEE, an uplifting comedy musical series with biting humor that features a soundtrack of hit music from past to present. The show follows an optimistic high school teacher as he tries to refuel his own passion for singing while reinventing the school's glee club and challenging a group of ragtag performers to realize their star potential. WILL SCHUESTER (Matthew Morrison), a young optimistic teacher, has offered to take on the Herculean task of restoring McKinley's Glee Club to its former glory with the help of fellow teacher and germaphobe EMMA PILLSBURY (Jayma Mays). It's a tall order when the brightest stars of the club include KURT (Chris Colfer), a nerdy soprano with a flair for the dramatic; MERCEDES (Amber Riley), a dynamic diva-in-training who refuses to sing back-up; ARTIE (Kevin McHale), a geeky guitarist who spends more time avoiding bullies than chasing girls; and TINA (Jenna Ushkowitz), an awkward girl who needs to suppress her stutter before she can take center stage. Will's only hope lies with two true talents: RACHEL BERRY (Lea Michele), a perfectionist firecracker who is convinced that show choir is her ticket to stardom; and FINN HUDSON (Cory Monteith), the popular high school quarterback with movie star looks and a Motown voice who must protect his reputation with his holier-than-thou girlfriend and head cheerleader, QUINN (Dianna Agron), and his arrogant football teammate, PUCK (Mark Salling).



My take: Okay, so the Glee pilot has actually already aired, so my take actually kind of knows what it's talking about this time (for once). If you'd like to watch the full pilot, it's available here. Not only is it available, but it's pretty damn awesome to boot, so I would seriously suggest checking it out. The pilot was really solid, but I have to say that the preview of next season looks even better. (The pilot aired a couple of weeks ago, but the show won't officially start airing till this fall.) Anyway, this show is from the same guy who was behind Popular back in the day, and most recently worked on Nip/Tuck. I adored Popular and I quite enjoy me some musical elements, so it's little surprise the I enjoyed Glee. I think the only reason I didn't completely adore the pilot is that it's largely the same plot as the movie Election, with most of the same characters, only you have to substitute "student council" with "glee club." It even has the same tone and visual style. Don't get me wrong, Election was a great movie, so if you're going to borrow from something, I would highly suggest it, but it was a little off-putting just how many similarities there were. Anyway, deja vu aside, I think it's going to make for a great series. The pilot was a lot of fun, but also snarky, with an edge of dark humor. Even if you're not into musicals, I think you'd enjoy this show (which isn't really a musical anyway). Word is, Alias spydaddy Victor Garber, Pushing Daisies alum Kristen Chenowith, and Wicked star Idina Menzel will all be making appearances on this show coming this fall, so even if I had hated the pilot, I would still be tuning in. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a great musical number, and with Pushing Daisies over and dead, I need a new outlet. :)

SONS OF TUCSON

Network Write-Up: In the tradition of “Malcolm in the Middle” and “The Bernie Mac Show,” SONS OF TUCSON is a family comedy about three brothers who hire a charming, wayward schemer to stand in as their father when their real one goes to prison. What begins as a business relationship evolves into something more complex and compelling: a family unlike any we’ve ever seen. The three brothers find their dad-for-hire, RON SNUFFKIN (Tyler Labine, “Reaper”), at the local sporting good store. Ron will be forced to draw on a wide array of skills and a vast bag of tricks as he steps into the patriarch role to take care of the boys of the Gunderson family. ROBBY GUNDERSON, 8, is a loose cannon who doesn’t take garbage from anyone; GARY GUNDERSON, 11, is a bright and street-savvy leader who is every bit the con man his father is; and BRANDON GUNDERSON, 13, is a gentle free spirit who goes along for the ride. MAGGIE MORALES, Robby’s second-grade teacher and the object of Ron’s affection, might just be the only stable figure in the lives of this quirky quartet.



My take: Meh. It doesn't look terrible, but it didn't really jump out at me either. Tyler Labine never really held much appeal for me on Reaper, and I'm doubting he will here either. It looks like it could be all right, I suppose, but the whole "he's a fish out of water who doesn't know how to be a dad" thing could get real old real fast. In summation, meh.

MENTAL

Network Write-Up: When DR. JACK GALLAGHER (Chris Vance, “Prison Break”), a dynamic and radically unorthodox psychiatrist, is named Director of Mental Health Services at a Los Angeles hospital, his unconventional style leads some of his new colleagues to believe he may be as unstable as his patients. MENTAL is a medical drama that explores the complexities of the human mind as never before. To Jack, each case is a puzzle to be solved. Confronted with each patient’s crisis, including unknown, misunderstood, and even misdiagnosed conditions, Jack must plunge inside the mind of his patients long enough to uncover what might be the key to their long-term recovery, often times working against the clock and his patients’ wishes. Ever the rebel, Jack insists on getting to the root of his patients’ illnesses by exploring first who they are as human beings, but as he fights to help his patients quickly, he must often work within only a legal 72-hour hold to determine a diagnosis. Jack must reconcile his effective, yet highly unconventional practices with his conservative boss, hospital administrator NORA SKOFF (Annabella Sciorra, “The Sopranos”), who puts her own reputation on the line by hiring him. Unfortunately, his colleagues remain resistant to his treatment methods, including dedicated psychiatrist DR. VERONICA HAYDEN-JONES, who was passed over for Jack’s position, and DR. CARL BELLE, a master politician with a polished exterior who is dedicated to Jack’s downfall.

Here's a clip:



My take: This is another one of Fox's new pet projects which has already aired. I would provide you with the link to the full pilot, but trust me, it not worth the effort. The pilot was bad. I mean really, REALLY bad. Aside from Seymour (from Burn Notice) and Maury (from Gilmore Girls), the pilot had no redeeming qualities. And lest you think those two are enough to compensate for all the rest, they aren't series regulars. They were just patients of the week. The promos and brief clips for this show really don't do the horribleness justice. I'm shocked this turkey even got picked up. The writing was atrocious, the acting was almost as bad, and the overall concept has been done and redone a thousand times, only to a much more successful end. This show is basically House, but crappy. He's a renegade doctor who does what it takes to save the patient and doesn't care who he pisses off in the process. The guy on Mental isn't quite so snarky, and the woman playing the Cuddy on the show wears glasses, but otherwise, it's basically the same idea. Only awful. Don't waste your time with this one. The only real merit I found was in the risibility of the show. This show was so bad it was funny, but not so bad it was awesome. It was actually kind of sad to watch. That, and painful. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad... It's crap like this that makes me understand how shows like The Mentalist stay on the air... The bar is low, people. Really low. I mean, they must have special ordered or sent away for that sucker...

Anyway, there were a couple of other shows on the slate, but neither jumped out at me. One was a new animated comedy that I assume will follow in the footsteps of Fox's current slate of comedies and the other was about a football player or something. I didn't read past "football."

So there you have it. As a professional TV watcher, I'll likely be checking most of these out, even if I don't really want to, but that's the burden I bear for having no life.