September: A blessing, wrapped in a dream, inside a paradise...

Hey peeps. That blessed, beyond blessed of months is finally upon us. I should love September because my birthday is in September, but alas, I hate my birthday, but adore all the other trappings that come at roughly the same time.

In other news, I just finished watching a wonderful two-part special on the History (International?) channel called Russia: Land of the Tsars (hence the vaguely Churchill-ish title to the blog). It sounds like it would be insanely boring, but it was actually quite fascinating. It gave me an insight into Milana's Russian justice at any rate. :) Also, it was narrated by Edward Herrmann (aka papa Gilmore), so that was just icing on the cake. It's not the kind of show I generally recommend on this blog, but it's the kind of show that eats up a ridiculous amount of my viewing time. Both entertaining and informative. Highly recommended.

Anyway, in TV news that you might actually care about, premiere season is finally upon us. The way things are stacking up, I might just have to take the fourth week of September off work...

Here's what the schedule is looking like, day by day. (Bear in mind, I don't list stupid crap like Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader? and whatnot on my lists, so if you're into that kind of thing, you're on your own. I only include quality programming like, uh, you know... Melrose Place... on my list... Okay, it's completely arbitrary--just go with it. I've listed pretty much all new series premieres, whether they have any potential or not...)

Also, I'm not sure what time zone the showtimes are based on, so check your local listings. And bear in mind that premiere dates are subject to change...

SEPTEMBER:

Tuesday, Sept. 8

• 90210, 8 p.m. (CW)
  (Skip it--it's awful)
• Melrose Place, 9 p.m. (CW)
  (Skip it--it will be awful)
• Sons of Anarchy, 10 p.m. (FX)
  (See it? I don't watch, but I hear it's excellent)

Wednesday, Sept. 9

• America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m. (CW)
  (DVR it--it's the shortie edition, so at least something is different, but you'll still want to fast forward through most of it)
• Glee, 9 p.m. (Fox)
  (See it, definitely--I loved the pilot last Spring and hear it only gets better from there)
• So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m. (Fox)
  (See it--I don't know a damn thing about dance and yet, I totally enjoy the show.)

Thursday, Sept. 10

• Supernatural, 9 p.m. (CW)
  (Skip it--I don't watch it, but I hear it's getting long in the tooth)
• The Vampire Diaries, 8 p.m. (CW)
  (DVR it--I've heard it's not as bad as you'd guess, but I think we've all had our fill of vampires these days...)

Monday, Sept. 14

• Gossip Girl, 9 p.m. (CW)
  (See it--I can't wait to see what craziness next season has in store-- Yay!)
• The Jay Leno Show, 10 p.m. (NBC)
  (Skip it--Leno wasn't funny then and he won't be funny now--I hope he gets trounced by the scripted programming opposite his dog and pony show, but sadly, I doubt it'll happen.)
• Lincoln Heights, 8 p.m. (ABC Family)
  (Skip it--never seen it, never hope to)
• One Tree Hill, 8 p.m. (CW)
  (SKIP IT--caps lock really speaks for itself, but if you thought the show was bad before (and it was), imagine half the leads have left the show--and there you have next season)

Tuesday, Sept. 15

• The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m. (NBC)
  (DVR it, if you must--this show has more time wasting and filler than almost any other reality show. I don't watch the show regularly (by any stretch), but if there's nothing else, a fast-forwarded version is palatable.)

Wednesday, Sept. 16

• The Beautiful Life, 9 p.m. (CW)
  (DVR it--contrary to Mischa Barton's press lately, I've actually heard this one isn't half bad. I'm as shocked as you are.)

Thursday, Sept. 17

• Bones, 8 p.m. (Fox)
  (DVR it, if you must--this show has never been great, and the last couple of seasons have been downright bad, but I've heard they're going to try to improve things in the coming season. I'll give it a another shot... maybe...)
• Community, 9:30 p.m. (NBC)
  (See it--one of the most promising pilots of the fall)
• Fringe, 9 p.m. (Fox)
  (See it--sadly, I fell off the wagon with this one, but I've heard the end of last season really knocked it out of the park. I might just have to give this sucker another chance...)
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 10 p.m. (FX)
  (See it--I've always been meaning to put this show on my rotation, but it just never happens. I hear it's great though.)
• The Office, 9 p.m. (NBC)
  (DVR it--it's a very crowded timeslot and this show was hit or miss at best last season. I'm hoping they turn things around, but there's nothing quite like a wedding and a baby to ruin a show...)
• Parks and Recreation, 8:30 p.m. (NBC)
  (DVR it, if at all--I've heard promises that this season will be better, so I'll give it another shot.)
• Survivor: Samoa, 8 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it. That is all.)

Sunday, Sept. 20

• Curb Your Enthusiasm, 9 p.m. (HBO)
  (DVR it--I hear it's excellent, but alas, I don't have HBO...)
• Bored to Death, 9:30 p.m. (HBO)
  (Skip it-- I'm not hearing good things so far...)

Monday, Sept. 21

• Accidentally on Purpose, 8:30 p.m. (CBS)
  (SKIP IT--wow, awful.)
• The Big Bang Theory, 9:30 p.m. (CBS)
  (DVR it--it'll never be a first tier show, but it has its moments, if there's nothing else on.)
• Castle, 10 p.m. (ABC)
  (See it--Nathan Fillion? Being smarmy and goofy? Yes, please.)
• CSI: Miami, 10 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--Skip it good.)
• Dancing With the Stars, 8 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it--I hate this show for oh-so-many-reasons, but most of all because it gives dancing shows a bad name. If you want to see actual dancing, SYTYCD is second to none.)
• Heroes, 8 p.m. (NBC)
  (Skip it, or catch it online if you're morbidly curious to see if they can actually resurrect this ignominious failure.)
• House, 8 p.m. (Fox)
  (DVR it-- word is the new season is looking pretty awesome, but after last season's let down and my overall boredom with the concept after all these years, I'm keeping open the option to break up with this one...)
• How I Met Your Mother, 8 p.m. (CBS)
  (See it--Barney Stinson. 'Nough said.)
• Two and a Half Men, 9 p.m. (CBS)
  (SKIP IT--seriously, don't help this craptastic show succeed anymore, people. It's not good. At all.)

Tuesday, Sept. 22

• The Forgotten, 10 p.m. (ABC)
  (DVR it-- this one is being completely re-tooled, but it still doesn't look like it has much potential. Exhibit A? Christian Slater...)
• The Good Wife, 10 p.m. (CBS)
  (See it--it looks to be one of the most promising new dramas of the fall and one of only a few legal dramas currently on the air. I hear it starts off a little slow, but hopefully it'll get the ball rolling quickly.)
• NCIS, 8 p.m. (CBS)
  (SKIP IT-- another bad show with awesome ratings. Stop rewarding crappiness! It's not even the kind of show that's so bad it's good. It's just bad.)
• NCIS: Los Angeles, 9 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it-- see previous rant, move to west coast)

Wednesday, Sept. 23

• Cougar Town, 9:30 p.m. (ABC)
  (DVR it--as much as I hate to say it, I've heard this one is actually pretty good. I'll have to see it to believe it, but I'll at least give it a shot.)
• Criminal Minds, 9 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--if you've seen one crime procedural, you've seen 'em all.)
• CSI: NY, 10 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--although, if you're going to watch a CSI, you could do worse... Miami, I'm looking in your direction.)
• Eastwick, 10 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it--I've heard it's not as awful as it could be, but still not worth your time. I'll pass.)
• Gary Unmarried, 8:30 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--I'm not even sure what this one is about, but I'm quite certain I'm okay with that.)
• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 9 p.m. (NBC)
  (Skip it--unless you're into that kind of show... even then, your DVR is more than sufficient.)
• Mercy, 8 p.m. (NBC)
  (Skip it--unless you want something to mock. It's gonna be bad, peeps. If you want to see a show about nurses that doesn't suck, Nurse Jackie is really your only bet. And no, HawthoRNe isn't a viable option either.)
• Modern Family, 9 p.m. (ABC)
  (See it--one of the funniest previews I've seen for a new show. Definitely worth giving a shot.)
• The New Adventures of Old Christine, 8 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--meh.)

Thursday, Sept. 24

• CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 9 p.m. (CBS)
  (DVR it, if you must--I hear Jorja is coming back, so that could be interesting, but other than that, this old dog needs to be put down.)
• Flash Forward, 8 p.m. (ABC)
  (See it--it sounds like this one has a lot of potential. I'm not sold yet, but it's got decent bones to work with and a solid concept.)
• Grey's Anatomy, 9 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it--if you thought last season was soul-crushingly painful to watch, I hear the next season is going to be even worse, er, uh, "powerful," as the powers to be like to call it.)
• The Mentalist, 10 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--this show could have been good, but the writers simply can't be bothered to actually write. This show got worse episode to episode, so I assume season to season will take an even greater toll.)

Friday, Sept. 25

• Brothers, 8 p.m. (Fox)
  (Skip it--not hearing good things...)
• Dollhouse, 9 p.m. (Fox)
  (See it--the little Whedon show that could is back (miraculously) and if Epitaph One is any indication of things to come, next season is gonna rock. Plus, the entire Whedonverse (and a good portion of the BSG-verse) have signed on to guest star, so I'm definitely in.)
• Ghost Whisperer, 8 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--"Ugh" just doesn't quite cut it...)
• Law & Order, 8 p.m. (NBC)
  (Skip it--that's enough Law & Order. More than enough.)
• Medium, 9 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it-- I wanted to like this show, but the cast is so unwaveringly unlikable that I just can't stomach it.)
• Numb3rs, 10 p.m. (CBS)
  (DVR it--if you're into this kind of show. It's not on my list, but I hear it's all right.)
• Smallville, 8 p.m. (CW)
  (Skip it--good lord, what is this, it's 10th season? Let. It. Die.)

Sunday, Sept. 27

• The Amazing Race, 8 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--Americans travelling the globe and making asses out of themselves and insulting other cultures? I'll pass, thanks.)
• American Dad, 9:30 p.m. (Fox)
  (Skip it--I have no feelings on this one either way, but err on the side of not watching it.)
• Brothers & Sisters, 10 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it--I don't watch this overgrown turkey and have no desires to start.)
• The Cleveland Show, 8:30 p.m. (Fox)
  (Skip it--it's not lookin' good. At all.)
• Cold Case, 10 p.m. (CBS)
  (Skip it--good lord, CBS, just how many murders can you fit into your schedule? 87, apparently.)
• Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it--this show lost all steam several seasons ago and doesn't show any signs of improvement.)
• Dexter, 9 p.m. (Showtime)
  (See it--I'm no fan of marriage or babies, but if any show could make it work, it's Dexter. And it's looking like the Trinity Killer will strike someone we know, so maybe Rita isn't long for this world in the first place. Here's hoping. Course that would saddle Dex with the kids... Ugh.)
• The Simpsons, 8 p.m. (Fox)
  (Skip it-- I haven't watched in nearly a decade and with good reason.)

Monday, Sept. 28

• Lie to Me, 9 p.m. (Fox)
  (DVR it--you know, I hated this show at first, but it seemed to find its footing toward the end of the first season. It's not appointment TV, but it's not bad.)
• Trauma, 9 p.m. (NBC)
  (Skip it--cliches, cliches, cliches. And a lot of explosions. Yeah... I'm good, thanks.)

Tuesday, Sept. 29

• Hell's Kitchen, 8 p.m. (Fox)
  (Skip it--blah.)
• Shark Tank, 8 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it--double blah).

Wednesday, Sept. 30

• Hank, 8 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it--they're completely re-working this show and re-shooting the pilot, but nothing can save this mess of a show and its eye-rollingly lame concept.)
• The Middle, 8:30 pm. (ABC)
  (Skip it--Patricia Heaton is invariably unwatchable and the thought of her as the typical harried mother of three is pretty much my worst nightmare.)

OCTOBER:

Thursday, Oct. 1

• Private Practice, 10 p.m. (ABC)
  (DVR the premiere, the kick it to the curb--what can I say? I'm going to have to see how the ridiculous freak-show c-section turns out, but after that, I'm pretty sure I can live without this one.)

Sunday, Oct. 4

• Three Rivers, 9 p.m. (CBS)
  (DVR the pilot, but be prepared to be disappointed... and preached at--everything I'm hearing doesn't bode well for this one, no matter how much Alex O'Laughlin it has. I've also heard it's unbearably dull and spends most of its time soap-boxing about organ donation. Um... yay?)

Friday, Oct. 9

• Sanctuary, 10 p.m. (Syfy)
  (Skip it-- I didn't even know this one was coming back)
• Ugly Betty, 8 p.m. (ABC)
  (Skip it-- this show is on its last legs, so you may as well break things off sooner than later. If the downturn creatively doesn't kill it, the Friday night death slot certainly will.)

Thursday, Oct. 15

• 30 Rock, 9:30 p.m. (NBC)
  (See it-- I'll finally be able to add this one to my regular rotation this year and I'm pretty excited about it.)

Friday, Oct. 23

• Southland, 9 p.m. (NBC)
  (DVR it-- this one didn't really impress me all that much last season, but it ended on an up note. It's a well-made show and I hear they're planning to iron out some of its flaws, so I'll keep it in mind for a rainy day (read: Saturday)).
• White Collar, 10 p.m. (USA)
  (See it-- I'm pretty excited about this one. The more I see, the more intrigued I get. USA has a hell of a track record with this kind of show, and with Matt Bomer at the helm, it looks like we might have a winner on our hands. I think the network would have done better to have paired it with Burn Notice or Psych over the summer, but hopefully it'll find an audience amidst the fall onslaught.)

NOVEMBER:

Tuesday, Nov. 3

• V, 8 p.m. (ABC)
  (See it-- easily the most promising and highly-anticipated new show of the season. Everything I've heard has been good, so hopefully it lives up to expectations (rather than fizzling like The Nine, which was the most lauded pilot of a few years ago and then kind of fell apart.))