Affairs, which is basically Alias Lite (no really, there's pretty much no other way to describe it) fulfills all the standard requirements and garners a spot on USA's slate right after White Collar.To illustrate just how very Alias this show is, during the first few minutes of the pilot, Annie Walker (aka the new, but not improved Sydney Bristow) is subjected to a CIA polygraph test wherein the polygraphacionalist (you know, one who administers a polygraph... as per the Annie in my office, although I'm pretty sure the Annie on the show wouldn't know the difference) asks her various questions about her last boyfriend. Based on the dreamy flashbacks and the indication that things didn't end well for the pair, I voiceovered something like, "I met the love of my life, but then SD-6 had him killed." To which my mother responded, "Wait, what? Who did SD-6 kill?" That's right, her quibble wasn't with the sudden existence of SD-6 on the show, that just made good sense, but that she wasn't paying enough attention to know that the guy in the flashbacks was Annie's boyfriend. That's how much this show is like Alias. My mother didn't even bat an eye at the thought that SD-6 was back on the prowl. Although she didn't seem to take much issue with my references to Sandy Cohen either, so maybe it's just her.
Anyway, Covert Affairs is anchored (to the extent possible) by Piper Perabo, who plays the aforementioned new CIA recruit, Annie. Having only ever seen Perabo in Coyote Ugly and a lackluster episode of House, my confidence wasn't exactly bolstered when embarking on this new series. To say
that I was apprehensive would be akin to saying Heidi Montag had "a little work done." She didn't strike me as the kind of person who could carry a series (especially this kind of series), and to a certain extent, I think I was right. In Perabo's defense, she actually does a decent job. Her performance was even and committed, and she managed the vagaries of the spy missions with more grace and ease than expected. There just wasn't anything all that special about her performance or the character she's trying to bring to life. Where Jennifer Garner brought depth, emotion, and power to the role, Perabo brings mostly lip gloss. I realize this show isn't exactly trying to be Alias here, but it's impossible not to compare last night's premiere to the Alias pilot, and quite frankly, when you're going up against that, you're going to lose. The first episode of Alias was a pulse-pounding, emotionally jarring thrill ride from beginning to end with very real peril, intrigue, and mystery around every corner. It was a real drama and Jennifer Garner skillfully managed the full weight of a serious spy thriller. With J.J. Abrams at the helm, it's little wonder that Alias was such an immediate success. It had one of the best pilots I've seen and in terms of setting up a world that's alive and engaging and instantly endearing characters to the audience, it's near the top of the list. After only the pilot, I knew I would be watching the entire series. That's a lot to live up to, and while I'm sure Covert Affairs is trying to be its own show, the comparison is unavoidable, and ultimately unwinnable, which is a real shame for USA's newest cash cow. Had I never seen Alias, I think I would have enjoyed Covert Affairs more because I wouldn't be judging it in terms of another, better show from start to finish.It honestly wasn't a terrible pilot, but I'm certainly not chomping at the bit for next week either. The pilot sets up Annie's new job at the CIA where she's managed by the likes of Sandy Cohen and his wif
e (a great actress who's name I couldn't remember, in a fairly thankless role) and where she befriends the Marshall Flinkman of the group, a character named Auggie (played by the delightful Christopher Gorham). Lest you think this show is just like all the others, Auggie is blind, so it's totally different! Only it isn't. I have to give them a few points for at least trying to add something new, but the fact that Auggie is blind is played as nothing more than a gimmick. This isn't a serious drama, so the full weight of losing your sight when a roadside bomb explodes in your face can't really be explored to the fullest and is merely alluded to. To boot, Gorham doesn't play blind very well, which was distracting, and the fact that he's blind pretty much only infringes on his ability to drive. He walks around with what can only be described as a sonic screwdriver (a la Dr. Who) and has a braille interface for his computer. It was nice to see a character overcome a difficult situation like that, but it didn't seem like a stirring character trait so much as a random feature, like brown hair or left-handedness. To boot, he's very young, so I don't know how long ago it was that his character lost his sight, but the show has taken the Daredevil-style, super blind guy approach where Auggie's 
other senses are heightened. While I don't doubt that your other senses would become keener, he appears to have become a savant. He can detect the subtlest perfume (and break it down by component) and can determine someone's weight and athletic ability based on how softly they tread. That's pretty impressive given the fact that he couldn't have gone blind more than a couple of years ago. Whatever. It's a TV show on USA, so I'm happy to go with it. The one thing I couldn't quite figure out though, is that when the writers are illustrating how keen his perceptions are, he hears Annie walk out of the room and notes, "Gotta love those kitten heels." But she wasn't wearing kitten heels. She was wearing stilettos... Kitten heels are usually only about an inch high and aren't generally sexy at all. Not like 4 inch stilettos. So I can't decide if the character just doesn't know the difference (which doesn't seem likely), if the writers were pointing out that his skills aren't flawless (which is even less likely, given his other superhuman observations), if there was a wardrobe change sometime between when the line was written and when the show was filmed (which doesn't make sense because you'd never put a sexy CIA vixen in kitten heels over stilettos), or if the writers are simply a bunch of guys who have no idea what kitten heels are and thought they were making Auggie seem badass (and a character who's attracted to Annie) for being able to determine what kind of footwear she had on based on only sound (I think we have a winner). What I really can't understand is why n
o one on the set pointed this out to them. Not that any of this really matters, but it the fact that I stewed about this for the better part of the rest of the pilot speaks to the pilot's relative lack of intensity. I'm more engrossed in footwear than the shooting and care chases... Not a good sign. Espeically for someone like me, who doesn't even care about shoes. Although apparently I care more than Auggie... This is all beside the point, however, because he's far and away the most likable character on the show. I have to assume he'll settle into the role more as the episodes progress, but so far, it was a bit uneven.Speaking of uneven, in spite of Perabo's better-than-expected turn as CIA newbie who gets caught up in something much bigger than she suspects, her performance had its ups and downs. In her defense, I think it has more to do with the writing than anything else. Her character, Annie, is purportedly a world-traveler with a knack for languages. After her whirlwind romance comes to an end (with the cryptic disappearance of prince charming), she decides to join the CIA. Lucky for her, she's apparently good at everything which the writers work diligently to inform us of at every turn. She's still green, however, so I guess that gives the show some room for her to grow, but by the end of the pilot alone, she's taken an investigation over c
ompletely and receives some sort of medal of commendation. Where do you go from there? I thought this was all too convenient and a tad ridiculous, but the ending of the pilot alluded to something much much bigger going on which helped explain why this relative no one would be so immediately embraced by the agency, in spite of her lack of experience. I'm hopeful that ongoing plot regarding why she's been recruited and sent to the field so swiftly will help give the show some depth, because the A-plots look to be pretty standard, predictable, and largely inconsequential to the ongoing storyline.Speaking of this week's A-plot (gotta love the lazy segues throughout this sucker), if this is going to be largely procedural (meaning that the A-plot is going to be the star of this show), I sure hope future missions are more interesting and original than the one in the pilot. There was really nothing original here, but it allowed for lots of shooting and chases and stuff, so who really cares, right? Well, that would be me... in the caring department. Maybe I've just grown blase with the genre or maybe I'm just stuck on Alias, but the A-plot didn't seem to carry any real weight
(although if it were a situation that did carry real weight, they'd have had an even more difficult time justifying putting a rookie in the field). Without any concrete consequences there isn't any pressing gravity to make it suspenseful. As mentioned, I spent the better part of the show musing about shoes. It wasn't terrible or anything, it just didn't really grab me. Add to the the unfortunate array of accents, the ridiculous beyond ridiculous assassination plot, and Annie's general lack of intimidating-ness and I wasn't really blown away. Again, I think once this show finds its feet, it could present more engaging A-plots. Till then, I guess we'll just have to try to care about some random non-Russian guy and the vague possibility of intel that he might be able to provide...In spite of the weaker elements in the writing, Perabo actually did a pretty decent job. Unlike so many others, she seemed pretty comfortable with the foreign languages and didn't speak in stilted, stumbling syllables. To determine just how good her accent was, I consulted with Milana, my office's resident Russian. After watching about a second of her and her "Russian" contact speaking, Milana noted, and I quote, "American! Her accent is bad. But not as bad as his." According to my expert, there's no universe in which anyone would ever be convinced that either of them was Russian. I also asked Milana about a major plot point in order to determine just how lazy or accomplished the writing might be. The contact calls Annie "kiisu" several times, which, it is later determined, is not actually a Russian word, but is used only in southern Estonia, and is an uncommon term for "kitten" or "kitty". Annie figures out that he's not actually Russian using this knowledge. As per Milana, that's totally plausible. Apparently, "kissu" doesn't exist in Russian. She had never heard it before. The word for kitten in Russian is "kisa", which is actually pretty close... She was poised and ready to call her Estonian mother to verify, but we just looked online. Evidently, what the show lacks in basic knowledge of women's footwear, it makes up for it in knowledge of obscure Estonian vocabulary. Nice.
Aside from the A-plot and the ongoing story arc about Annie's role in the CIA's plans, there's also a Francie in her life, a sister played by the fabulous Anne Dudek in a less than fabulous role, who will act as the "real life" angle
of the show. Hugely predictable and fairly boring, I hope to hell the writers find a way to make her personal life more exciting. They've already set up a possible love triangle between Annie, Auggie, and another CIA agent, but so far, it looks like we'll be subjected to her sister's matchmaking and dogooding whilst she hides her real life from friends and family. Sounds vaguely familiar... I just kept hoping a Will Tippen would present itself, but the nosy reported in this ersatz Alias is a woman who's currently plaguing Sandy Cohen rather than the hunky friend of our leading lady. Of all the places to screw up the model, did you have to go after my darling Will Tippen. Ugh.All in all, it was a decently made pilot that's clearly aiming for fun and inconsequential thrills. It's a show that will be very easy to watch, requiring very little emotional investment. As is USA's wont. It's a network with low commitment shows that somehow garner high commitment. I'm as big of fan of an easy so to
watch as the next person, but I always prefer a show that requires more of its audience. I did enjoy Covert Affairs to fair extent, but I'm not on the edge of my seat for more and find myself wishing USA would branch out in terms of genre and tone. Wish as I might, it's pretty hard to argue with their success. While Covert Affairs didn't hook me immediately, USA shows in general tend to settle in over the course of the first season, so maybe it will really find its feet as the show continues. Really, Burn Notice is the only show that had me hooked after only one episode. Psych took several episodes, In Plain Sight took four, and White Collar took about half a season. Here's hoping Covert Affairs follows suit.Pilot Grade: C+
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