Now, before the Alex O'Loughlin Legion starts looking for ways to set me on fire, my disappointment with CBS' reboot of this 1970's classic has nothing to do with Alex. Indeed, as with most of his projects, he was one of the best aspects of the show
. Certainly one of the prettiest. More than anything, I think this just simply isn't my kind of show. I can see where a lot of people will love the tone and style of this show, but I was honestly pretty happy when the pilot was finally over. And, after taking a quick peek at the ratings, I'm not the only one (more on that later).I have honestly never seen an episode of the original, so aside from recognizing the theme song, I came into this show with few preconceived notions. As such, the pilot didn't leave me pining for the original or niggling over the minor details that weren't on par with its predecessor. No, I found my self unimpressed with this show all on its own.
I have no idea what the specifics of original were, but in this reboot, we have Alex O'Loughlin as Det. Steve McGarrett, a military/police/badass something or other whose father was murdered (somewhat as a result of McGarrett's actions). In his pursuit of the men who killed his father, he teams up with reluctant partner Scott Caan as Danno, reluctant asset Daniel Dae Kim as the accentily challenged Chin Ho Kelly (seriously, it was all over the place), and token chick Grace Park as Kelly's sexy, badass cousin, Kona. They come together in what seems to be the most convenient of ways and take viewers on a typical action show adventure, complete with all the standard cliches I generally can't stand, starting off looking into McGarrett's father's murder, but then casually ending up
chasing down a Chinese human smuggling ring (you know, because it's Monday). Every genre has certain cliches that seem to crop up in just about every iteration. Legal dramas, medical shows, crime procedurals, they all have certain elements that are thoroughly unoriginal and that audiences just have to go with. I don't know what it is, but I guess in those genres, the cliches that come with the territory are ones that I'm more comfortable with and am more willing to let slide. With the buddy cop/ blow-em-up adventure genre? Not so much. It's why I've decided that this simply isn't my kind of show. It was no more hackneyed than any other show in any other genre, but this particular set of cliches annoy me more than most.I understand that this show isn't aiming to be a searing character piece or a gritty detective show. It's a splashy, Jerry Bruckheimer-esque production complete with all the action, car chases, and explosions you'd expect. Given that that was the show's objective, they succeeded, cheesy cliches and all. Seriously, the dialogue alone had me rolling my eyes within minutes. There's just something about that macho, protect and serve, "sir,
yes sir," tough guy tone that drives me up the wall. I knew I was headed for trouble when the governor (or whatever she was--just look for Jean Smart) said something along the lines of, "I heard you were the best of the best." Oh, gag me, please. Again, it's a standard line for this kind of show, but I have to remind myself that I can't let is slide because it's the kind of cliche you'd expect. I skewer other shows for such antics as well. At it's core, there's something fundamentally lame about a show, or a person, or a group that has to tell me again and again that they're the best there is. Show me that you're a badass and you don't need to tell me. Although, I guess the show's attempt at showing me the badassery is what led to the absolute worst moment of the pilot, so maybe that's advice that should only be doled out to capable hands...In a beyond lame attempt at proving that Grace Park is one kickass chick, we watch her surf in a bikini for a few minutes, then watch her crash into some random guy who looked like he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Cue tough guy skepticism, "Are you sure she's up for this?" Followed by Park walking up the beach and punch
ing Random Guy in the face. Tough guy skepticism neutralized by unjustifiable cylon retaliation for nothing.Oh, good god, seriously?! That just happened? That was the moment when I decided I had failed in my attempt to like this pilot. I had let a lot of lameness slide up to that point, but that tipped me over the edge. The guy she punched didn't even do anything wrong, really. If he had said something snide or sexist to her or done it on purpose, the punch would have at least made a modicum of sense, but as is? She strikes me as an irrational hot head who shouldn't be a cop in a million billion years. Although, with this show's "shoot first, ask no questions ever" policy, I guess she fits right in. Because, you know, that's what real cops do. I don't mind a high body count, I really don't, but it at least has to make some sense. Maybe not in this genre, but in the universe of shows that I watch, killing a guy has to serve more of a purpose than simply trying to look cool. And yes, I realize I'm probably asking too much of a show like this. Which is sad. I look at a show like Burn Notice, which has even more car chases, gun play, and explosions than this show and I know that it really can be done. I don't need anyone telling me what a badass Michael, Sam, and Fiona are, I can see it. Their gun play and explosions make sense and are nece
ssary to the story. To boot, their body count is incredibly low. The only reason I prefer a lower body count is that it makes deaths a lot more important. When Michael shoots Strickler dead, it's a very big deal. On Hawaii Five-0? It would be just mean it's mid-afternoon. I'm not saying that's a problem for the show, because that's the angle they've adopted, but for me, as an individual viewer, I find off-putting and lame, even if most people find it awesome.This is a total guys' show with a bunch of boys playing with guns, so if that's what you're into, you'll love this show. Unfortunately, it's not really my bag. It's a slick series with high production values and big, flashy everything. For what it is, it's well-made and well-done. If that's what you're into, you probably loved this. I was unimpressed by most of the pilot, but it honestly wasn't without charm. O'Loughlin and Caan have a nice rapport together and there's a palpable chemistry that makes you believe them as partners. Both actors did a nice job with fairly weak material, but I think Caan was the best part of the pilot. He settled right into the role and made the best of it.
He even managed to make the cheesiness of his relationship with his daughter endearing. The two actors played off each other well and managed to temper the predictability of the odd couple antics that ensued. The rest of the principal cast was considerably less likable, but they had even worse material to work with, so it's really not their fault. Seriously, the writers on this show really didn't seem to trust their actors or their viewers. The plot exposition was clunky and the backstories were thin. I suppose they could be planning to build on this foundation, but I wasn't interested enough to care. As for the audience, it's always annoying when something happens on a show and they flash back to an earlier incident to remind viewers why something is important. It's really annoying when the earlier scene was like, 3 minutes ago. Yeah, shockingly, we actually remember McGarrett's father calling him "champ" a dozen times two scenes back. Ugh.Long story short, I don't know that I'll even be giving this show a second episode. I had very high hopes going in, because I genuinely do enjoy a good shoot-em-up once in a while, but Hawaii Five-0 fell pretty short. I just took a look at the ratings for last night and it seems I'm not the only one who wasn't bowled over by this reboot. Everyone, including me, thought this would be an insane smash hit. It opened strong (with a 3.8 key demo rating, which is solid), but its ratings were nowhere near what I expected. Seriously, in the key demo rating, it lost a tenth of a point from its lead in. It's lead in was Mike & Molly. I'll just let that information sink in for a second... What's worse, the show actually lost viewers after the first half hour. That generally doesn't bode well for the next week. I honestly think this show will ultimately do just fine, but it isn't the mind-blowing hit that people anticipated. It easily won its timeslot, so assuming it retains a fair proportion of that audience, it should be safe. I imagine it will lose a fair percentage of viewers next week (including this viewer, most likely), but then will stabilize in a range that CBS is comfortable with. I sincerely doubt Alex or his fans have anything to worry about.
I'm really pretty bummed that this was such a let down for me. I'm guessing it has more to do with my show sensibilities than anything else, but I was thoroughly disappointed and found myself cringing at the dialogue and rolling my eyes at the cliches. When the final fight scene draws to a close and McGarrett is on the ropes, he employs both. "Before you kill me, I think there's something you should know. Your brother died the same way you did." BANG! Oooh, that was badass! Oh, good lord, so lame. I wanted to like this one, and did my best to give it every available chance, but when the episode finally ended (thankfully), and my DVR asked me if I'd like to delete the recording, I scrolled up to "Yes, delete" and literally thought in my head, "Gladly." Such a shame. I'm going to try to give this show one more week to appeal to me, but I'm not holding out much hope.
In short, if this is your kind of show, it's really your kind of show. If it isn't, you were probably as disappointed as I was.
Pilot Grade: C-/D+
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