Undercoverzzz...

When you hear that JJ Abrams has a new show in the works, giddiness ensues. At least it does for me. With Alias, Fringe, and Lost under his belt, it was no wonder that networks were fighting tooth and nail for his newest show, Undercovers, and ponying up ridiculous sums for the privilege. Well, NBC won the rights to the show, but after seeing the pilot, I'm not too sure that makes them a winner...

Undercovers tells the tale of Steve and Samantha Bloom, a married couple who left the spy trade so that they could focus on their relationship and start a catering business. After settling into married complacency for five years, they're drawn back into the world of espionage, or as the characters on this show obnoxiously refer to it, "sexpionage," when a mutual friend/spook goes missing. Good god, if I never hear the term "sexpionage" again, it'll be too soon. What's worse? This show had very little espionage and even less sex appeal, so the term was a misnomer to boot. The basis for this show is the notion that Sam and Steve have settled into coupledom and that the spark and excitement of their relationship has fizzled. Although the pilot wants you to believe that reentering the spy game has rekindled their romance, by the end of the hour, I was more certain than ever that married people are boring.

I'm sure there are married couples out there who aren't boring, but Undercovers did very little to make that case. You'd think that a show about a pair of spies would be titillating and exhilarating, but Samantha and Steve are just plain dull. The stunningly gorgeous Gugu Mbatha-Raw (say that three times fast, or, you know, at all) stars as Samantha Bloom and actually brings a lot of charm and sex appeal to the role. Boris Kodjoe (really? Boris? didn't see that comin'), who plays her husband Steve, on the other hand, does not. I don't know if he simply hadn't settled into the role or if this kind of character just doesn't suit him, but I was unimpressed. For all the supporting cast's assertions that he was the best spy ever and a total badass, he just seemed like a big yawn to me. What's worse, his lack of charisma and personality seriously hindered Gugu's sparkling turn as his wife. There was very little chemistry between the two and practically no sexual tension whatsoever. They really did just seem like a nagging couple who had no spice in their lives. As much fun as that sounds, the pilot suffered all the more for it. I simply didn't care about their relationship one bit and that made it incredibly hard to invest in the storyline and to stay awake.

Indeed, the only real spark to the pilot was Sam and Steve's spook friend Leo, the guy that they've been charged with tracking down. The story actually began with him and almost tricked me into believing that JJ Abrams had done it again. The opening scene, with Leo running from bad guys and hiding information, was the only real exciting, suspenseful note in the pilot. The character of Leo is supposed to play second fiddle to the dynamic duo that is the Blooms, but in all honesty, he's the only character I believed could be an actual spy. Samantha was pretty good as well, but any badassery she brought to the table was watered down by her dud of a husband. If she and Steve had had any real connection or spark between them, even the lamest of scenes would have sizzled. As is, the only sexual chemistry on the show was between Samantha and Leo, who, in a nice yet obvious twist, is her ex-lover. These two shared only moments together onscreen, but instantly had more heat than Sam and Steve did throughout the whole show. I find myself desperately wanting the Blooms to dissolve so that Sam and Leo can run off and play spy games together. I... don't think that was the show's intention. Leo stole the show for me and made for the best part of the pilot (even though he only had a few minutes onscreen). He seemed to be the only one who brought something special to the role and gave his character a snarky, slightly rakish personality that had some real crackle to it. Boris? Not so much. Which is a real shame, because the actor is very easy on the eyes... you know, for as long as they eyes can remain open.

For a show that is so entirely based on one primary couple, the powers that be should have paid more attention to the rapport (or lack their of) between the two. Don't get me wrong, the pair seem to get along well, but not in the sexy, thrilling way the show needs. They struck me more as... really close pen pals. Not lovers, not confidantes, and not even spies. I didn't buy their supposed backstory for a minute. Gugu played it better than Boris, but there was only so much she could do. Since there's no way to not draw Alias comparisons here, I'm going to stop trying. This show is not Alias... in the worst possible ways. With Alias, I believed Jennifer Garner as a spy instantly. I was wholly invested within in moments and completely enthralled by the pulse-pounding gravitas of her situation. With Undercovers? This pair of supposed spies just seems like a couple of tourists. With their chemistry fizzling before my eyes, I at least hoped that their mission would be a thrill, but it fell flat as well. None of the gunplay or fight sequences were believable and none of them seemed to have anything really at stake. The writers' aim at a straight-up dramedy instead of a drama that happens to have some levity to it shot them in the foot. There was no gravity to what they were doing and the super-secret spy mission carried about as much weight as the lame-ass catering B-plot.

Speaking of the B-plot, wow don't care. Sam and Steve are apparently hell-bent on keeping this ridiculous catering side business going with Sam's sister at the helm. The woman playing Sam's sister actually did so with quite a bit of charm and lightness, but I just didn't care about it. Sydney Bristow's home life was exciting and interesting because it examined how Sydney could keep her spy life a secret from the people she loved, people who risked death if they should uncover the truth. In Undercovers, the B-plot just seemed extraneous and inconsequential. The rest of the supporting cast is fine as well, but none of them really grabbed me. Marshall 2.0 was more annoying than the original, but at least he had some personality. Granted, it was the same personality that always seems to accompany the "tech guy" character (with the refreshing exception of Auggie on Covert Affairs), but at least he brought something to the table. All in all, the only character I really latched onto was Leo, and I'm just not sure he's going to be enough to keep me coming back for more.

That the story fell flat for me is disappointing on a number of levels. I love a good spy show and was extremely pleased to see some faces of color in the lead roles of a show for a change, but things just didn't come together here. The writers seemed to be trying so hard to not be Alias and not be Mr. and Mrs. Smith that they ended up with practically nothing. Covert Affairs and Nikita both took cues from earlier spy genre shows, but then they made them their own. They weren't afraid of comparisons and just did what worked. Undercovers would have done better to have stolen the vibe from Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the gravity of Alias wholesale. There would have been people crying foul at the thievery, to be sure, but those same people would probably be tuning in every single week as well. This show had all the bare bones in the world to work with and ended up with something that was surprising dull. It's a good-looking show with ample budget and network support, but at the end of the day, all those advantages were lost on it.

In short, JJ Abrams, this was not your best work. By a long shot. It wasn't a total disaster or anything, but I was honestly pretty bored throughout. I'm not chomping at the bit for more and find myself wishing it weren't about a married couple at all. When the base conceit is boring, all the other bells and whistles in the world can't make up for it. Abrams' other works all had me on the edge of my seat, desperate for more so to see a creation of his fall so flat is a shock and a shame. I'm going to give this show a few more weeks to build some chemistry or create an ongoing storyline that I care about, but I'm cautious. Who knows though, I wasn't all that impressed by the Covert Affairs pilot, but it has actually turned into quite an entertaining show... although in all honesty, I think it had more to work with than Undercovers does.

I really thought this was going to be a winner, but apparently I wasn't the only one who was underwhelmed. The ratings for the series premiere were surprisingly low. Only 8.6 million tuned in and the show scored only a 2.0 in the key demo rating. That's on par with Chuck's current numbers and we all know NBC isn't happy with Chuck's current numbers. Ouch. For comparison, the premiere of Fox's Lone Star (in a much more competitive timeslot, no less) scored a 1.4 in the key demo and is seen as a ratings disaster. Undercovers fared better, but not by much. What's worse, Undercovers was down 13% from the god-awful mess that was Mercy opening in that same slot last season, and Undercovers placed last at 8 p.m. among the major networks. Double ouch. I honestly thought the show would do far better than that, but I can't say I'm heartbroken that it didn't.

At this point, I have better things to watch and it would take a serious turn around in the show to change my mind. Given the base concept, I'm not sure that's possible. It's a well-made show with potential, but I'll be surprised if it manages to suck me in.

Pilot Grade: C-