Week-In-Review

I honestly thought it was going to be more difficult than this to come up with random thoughts for my weekly round-up... When I stole this feature from all those other sites, I assumed they actually had to work at it, but it's actually a little too easy... (This is all code for: Sorry for the length... this sucker got away from me.)

Worst Tech: Chuck
I’m sorry, but who the hell puts a beeping sound on their spy gear? People who want to get their agents killed in a wine cellar, that’s who. Really, it didn’t occur to anyone in the tech department to add a vibrate feature to their microchip detector thingamajig (because spies never need to sneak around or anything)? But if it doesn’t beep at them when they get closer, how will they know they’re in proximity?! A swift bullet to the head my give them a clue…

Best Accident: How I Met Your Mother
Although I totally saw the pocket dial coming when Marshall said he had a voicemail from his dad, it was still a happy accident and the least annoying instance of a pocket dial on record. Hats off to the Foley artist for the pocket dial recording, by the way. Spot on. (He probably just used a message he already had saved on his phone. Or simply asked anyone on the planet to use theirs.) It’s not easy for a comedy to tackle something like a devastating death, but this episode really made it work.

Biggest Tease: Castle
Mean. Just plain mean. So yeah, after offering up the “most titillating preview of next week’s episode” after last week’s outing, I was met with a rerun last night. I was unduly irked. When a preview tells me “in 2 weeks” I always notice, and I certainly didn’t remember being outraged after last week, so I literally queued up last week’s episode to see if I’d somehow missed it. No, those saucy minxes simply put, “On the next all new episode of Castle…” or some other such bait and switch. Boo. I guess they figured they’ve been dangling the kiss carrot for 2 ½ years now, what’s one more week? Cause for revolt, that’s what.

Most Apparent Style Over Substance: Shameless
It was only the second episode of Shameless, but it already felt like the writers were spinning their wheels. I couldn’t decide if they were simply so focused on trying desperately to shock viewers that they simply forgot to have any real narrative drive behind the episode or if they’ve already run out of road, but I got kind of bored. They seemed to be having a hard time filling an entire hour, and an event harder time shocking me, so they let scenes drag on for entirely too long. So far, the only thing that has been truly shameless is their economy of narrative. If this is the going trend for the show, I might not be hanging on for very long…

Best Awards Show: The Golden Globes
Given that TV is my specialty, and that I see maybe 2 movies a year in theaters, the Oscars holds very little appeal to me. Same goes for Grammys. Seriously, I’m more attuned to the nominees at the Tonys, which is really saying something (something fabulous, I suspect). This is why I enjoy the Golden Globes so much. Sure it’s a ridiculous farce, but for once, I’m actually curious in the outcome and I have an informed opinion. Not all those who deserved to win actually won (or were even nominated), but with Ricky Gervais at the helm, I don’t think anyone really cared who won. He’s the perfect host for such a laid back affair, particularly because his shtick is more roast than host. Introducing Bruce Willis as Ashton Kutcher’s dad kind of made my night.

Best Sartorial Surprise: Trent Reznor looking sharp and dapper in a suit at the Golden Globes. Seriously, as he and that other guy were walking onto the stage, I couldn’t help but think, “Uh, where’s Trent Reznor?” Between the designer suit and the short haircut, I think we all did a double-take… No that wearing Prada doesn’t say “I want to fuck you like an animal,” but you know what I mean.

Worst Sartorial Surprise: Just about everyone else at the Golden Globes. Who knew the 80’s were still back… and with such a shoulder-paddy vengeance.

Most Perplexing Lack of Dye Job: Miss America Teresa Scanlan
Seriously, you’re competing in the ditzy dingbat Olympics, the pinnacle of all a beauty queen could ever hope to achieve in life (besides trophy wifedom, of course), and it didn’t occur to you to get your roots touched up? Oh sure, you remember the hemorrhoid cream for the bags under your eyes and the kitchen spray to keep your bikini stuck to your ass, but you didn’t look in the mirror long enough to see that they’ll be placing your crown on some bleached blonde tendrils hovering over your, shall we say, humble roots? Wow.

Biggest Fundamental Flaw: Harry’s Law
You know you’re in trouble when the only real, huge, show-threatening flaw in your legal procedural is the fact that it’s a legal procedural. The first half of the pilot was actually pretty good… but then, inevitably, there was a second half. The characters were quirky and funny (Kathy is a pro and I love Nate Corddry) and the set up had some promise, but the actual courtroom scenes and legal antics were absurd and annoying. I kept thinking that the producers must not know a damn thing about how the law actually works and have never even seen a show that knew. But, to my dismay and surprise, I found that David E. Kelley was at the helm, so not only has he seen shows that knew about law, but he’s produced them (The Practice, Ally McBeal, etc). So I guess the real flaw here is amnesia… Worst of the worst? “Turns out, the only one we needed was the judge…” Of course he was the only one you needed! Judges doe the sentencing! We all already knew he was guilty! And so did you! This was never about getting a “not guilty” verdict, and yet, when the verdict was announced, you looked so surprised, Kathy! Boo.

Most Unnecessary Remake: the US bastardization of Skins
For a show like Skins, you’d think bastardization would be a good thing (semantically speaking), but believe me, this is yet another pathetic attempt at revamping an excellent British show for primetime TV. In all honesty, I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the first episode. Scene for scene, the story is very similar to its superior British counterpart, but in execution, it’s yet another American embarrassment. The US version is water-down and tamed to the point where it doesn’t even make sense. The greatest of America’s sins when it comes to adopting foreign shows is with censorship, and with Skins, censorship is the death knell. It made this version seem completely inauthentic and lame. I’d say it was akin to a fourth grade class putting on a production of Rent. Or, how about a Glee version of Rocky Horror… Dear America, please stop. Seriously though, the British version is gritty, sharp, realistic, ballsy and incredibly creative. If you’re looking to add such a show to your rotation, seek out the British version. It’s on Netflix Instant Play, so it doesn’t get any easier than that. It is far better than the ersatz crap that MTV is offering. Trust me.

Best Way to Distract a Jury from the Presumed Nazism of the Defendant: Throw a Scientologist into the mix, a la The Good Wife
Man alive, this show is exciting, intricate, cerebral, sexy, and funny as hell. When their client is thought to have Nazi sympathies (he was actually a WWII buff who participated in reenactments, but that didn’t make the pictures any less incriminating), the defense comes up with a plan to give the jury someone new to hate by going after the religion of one of the witnesses. I honestly couldn’t think of what religion they could possibly attack that would deflect some of the presumed Nazi sympathies… Oh my god, I about died laughing when it was revealed to be Scientology. Ha! Nice job, Kalinda. I love her. No wonder she was one of Cary’s top concerns when deciding to take a new job. He tried to play it off all cool, but trust me Cary, no one would fault you for accepting a job simply because Kalinda was there.

Most Linguistically Ridiculous Final Straw: Off the Map
I tried to give this sucker one more episode, but after about 10 minutes of its second outing, I called it quits. Much like Matt Saracen not knowing what a “gringo” is (and apparently never having owned a TV or driven by a restaurant before), now Mamie Gummer seems terminally stupid. Apparently she couldn’t be bothered to learn what the Spanish word is for “sick” prior to moving to South America to provide medical care in a rural clinic, and somehow managed to get through more than 20 minutes on the job without picking up that little tidbit. It’s ridiculous on about 87 different levels. I’m pretty sure that the main thing esta enferma on this show is the writing. Annnnd, we’re done. Stop. Delete. Buh-bye.

Quotes of the Week:

Alicia: “Yes, your honor, I’m all laced up and ready to go.”
(The Good Wife, where Alicia manipulates the judge with hilarious enthusiasm, and more than a few sports-related colloquialisms. The true context would take forever to explain, but I seriously busted up. You had to be there.)

Gloria: “Why the whoosh? Where is the email?! It sended! Make it come back!”
(Modern Family)

Abed: “We should really start learning people’s names.”
Jeff: “I agree with the brown Jamie Lee Curtis.”
(Community)

“She has eaten 7 couches and 2 chairs.”
(My Strange Addiction, regarding a woman who had been eating the yellow foam cushions of furniture for over 20 years.)