DOA

You know, when it comes to crime procedurals, it's getting to the point where I hardly even know how to review them anymore. When stacked up against shows that I truly enjoy (i.e. shows that have actual storylines, not just a parade of corpses being prodded by quirky geniuses), they'd all get an F, including ABC's latest attempt at cracking into the overdone genre, Body of Proof. However, when stacked up against each other, there are many shades of horrible, and in terms of other god-awful crime procedurals, Body of Proof was by no means the worst of the worst. That doesn't mean I'll be giving it a second episode or anything, but for the purposes of this review, it's a distinction that must be made. For any other purposes, all it means is that I'd rather have watched people scream at each other for an hour on Parenthood than watch this show. (In Parenthood's defense, I caught an episode a few weeks ago that had about 60% less bickering and it made for a much better show. Do more of that.) When it comes right down to it though, in terms of this time slot, The Good Wife is the only true contender. If you can only watch one show, make it that show. So great.

Anyway, ABC has tried on numerous occasions to tap into the crime procedural genre, but has only really succeeded with Castle, which is one of the least conventional procedurals out there in terms of tone and execution. I think the reason Castle works where others have failed is that it has so much more fun with the old routine than other shows. Whereas the "quirky genius" on other procedurals is often cantankerous, insufferable, or the consummate know-it-all, Castle is creative and unassuming. He's wrong a hell of a lot of the time, but always helps in the end. Most importantly, he has a blast playing cops and robbers and brings a sense of childlike whimsy to the show. It makes the frequency with which he's correct charming, not grating.

Which brings me to Body of Proof, starring Dana Delany as Dr. Megan Hunt, a once-brilliant neurosurgeon turned near-preternatural medical examiner/crime solver. Having suffered nerve damage in her hands as a result of a car accident, Dr. Hunt had to give up the career that lost her her marriage and daughter. The pilot tries desperately to play on her feelings of loss, and succeeds to a certain extent, but I've seen this dog and pony show too many times to care. This iteration of the eccentric supersleuth is basically Dr. House, solving medical mysteries whilst alienating those around her with her standoffish demeanor, dismissive behavior, and emotional reticence. It's a routine we've all seen a million times before, so in spite of Delany's acting prowess, I was instantly bored.

Indeed, the entire cast is quite strong, but I found myself wishing they were attached to better projects. Delany is a power-player whom I always enjoy, but even she couldn't make this character intriguing or likable. In truth, she did more with the role than I would have expected, but there's only so much one can do with this set-up. Along with being the archetypal maverick genius who doesn't play by the rules but gets results, blah, blah, blah, which is so overused it's painful to watch, the writers have gone out of their way to give her as much quirk as possible in a failed attempt at uniqueness. I salute the efforts, but if it came down to watching a character I've seem a million times before or one who drives me and everyone else crazy, it's a tough call. I think first and foremost, they simply tried to make Dr. Hunt too many things. She's guarded, but an emotional wreck over her family situation, she's brilliant, but flawed, she's always right, but can't work with others, she's sexy and sassy, but a workaholic who has no friends. I would greatly have preferred that the writers had constructed a character with a defined core whom they could develop over time. With the pilot alone, the audience was met with so much plot exposition that it was annoying and unconvincing. They seemed so intent on showing every single aspect of her life and her issues that none of them resonated at all. Rather than being riveted by every facet of her existence, instead I was bored by her work, her ex-husband, her issues with her daughter, her social alienation, and her interactions with the police, her colleagues, and her past.

This review is making the show sound considerably worse than it is, but believe me, it's more a matter of genre than execution here. For a crime procedural, this one was a solid effort, conforming to all the cliches and conceits in lock-step. So, if procedurals are you thing, this may very well be the show for you. For me? Good god, if you've seen this once, you've seen it a million times. The A-plot murder-of-the-week is hardly worth mentioning, because really, there are only so many different ways to kill someone, but it elucidated the character dynamics that will, no doubt, plague the series as a whole. The thought of watching the incredible Dr. Hunt toy with and belittle everyone around her (but, you know, in a half-assed, sassy sort of way) episode after episode is a complete turn-off. The reason House worked for as long as it did is that it was unapologetic and unreserved. He's an insufferable, snarky bastard first, last, and always. Dr. Hunt? They kept trying to go all the way with her character, but then they'd retreat. Instead of making for an interesting character piece, their hesitations at making her unlikable made her uneven and, well, unlikable.... so, well done, guys. I can see where they'd be hesitant to take things as far as Dr. House or Nurse Jackie, but therein lies the problem. House and Jackie are often horrible people, but that doesn't make them unlikable, it makes them interesting. Dr. Hunt was neither charming enough nor loathsome enough to pique my interests.

Indeed, the show seems to think that her interactions with the other characters on the show will be a central draw, but I found them irksome. I enjoy watching a blustering cop get put in his place, but seeing Dr. Hunt tear down a guy she doesn't even know and who didn't even do anything that bad wasn't satisfying or funny, it was ugh-worthy. Had it been handled in a different way, I think it could have been successful, but as is, it just seemed like a ham-fisted ploy to make Dr. Hunt seem like a ball-busting badass, but, you know, one that's real pretty and wears sexy high heels and winks at people. Yeah, yeah, she has better relationships with the dead than the living. We get it. I'm not saying that a person should be one thing all the time, that would be ridiculous, but Dr. Hunt just didn't seem authentic. At every turn, it felt like her character had been written one way, and then watered-down or sexed-up in hopes of appealing to the average viewer. Given that that's how the writing turned out, it's to Delany's credit that she balanced it as well as she did.

The supporting cast is decent enough, but inconsequential. I'm sure as the show progresses, they'll become more fleshed-out and whatnot, but at this point, they're really little more than pawns for Delany to play off of. Her lab partner ex-cop guy (or whatever he was) and eventual love interest was fine, but unmemorable, and the police force was mostly just a bunch of bumbling fools who probably couldn't figure out if it were Colonel Mustard or Miss Scarlett without the amazing Dr. Hunt determining that the victim had been bludgeoned to death with a 10-inch ratcheting box wrench that had been purchased at Home Depot, aisle 7, third shelf. How Sonja Sohn (best known for her powerful turn as Kima from The Wire) got attached to this sucker, I'll never understand. Hunt's associates at the hospital (ME's Office?) serve as the comic relief of the show, and had their charm, but again, unmemorable overall. Somehow Jeri Ryan, who's in all of 2 1/2 minutes of the pilot, seemed like the most grounded, well-rounded supporting player on the show. Don't get me wrong, House's underlings were never much to write home about or anything, but for me, that was always one of the biggest problems. I much prefer a stellar ensemble, not simply a vehicle for the latest crime-solving genius.

All in all, it was a decent procedural when stacked up against other procedurals. It didn't have me cringing as much as most and honestly had better writing than ABC's previous attempts at the genre. That said, it was still a whole lot of the same. Delany did the best she could, but there are only so many ways to reinvent this particular wheel. I do think she could turn this role into something more over time, but I'm not invested enough in this set-up to give her that kind of time. The random crime-of-the-week isn't enough of a draw and the dysfunctional family dynamic wasn't established in a way that made me invest. Unlike Everwood, where I found myself instantly intrigued by the doctor who reevaluates his priorities after a tragedy, Dr. Hunt and her daughter barely caught my attention at all. In short, I've seen the whole "workaholic destroys relationship with children but then tries to make up for it" thing before, only better. Body of Proof wasn't a disaster, but it wasn't a coup either. I'll pass.

Pilot Grade (when compared to other crime procedurals): C+

Week-In-Review 3.4

Okay, yeah, so March can't end any sooner. The dearth of new programming is starting to take a serious toll, people. April usually fares a bit better, and then, of course, May is sweeps. Lousy Smarch programming... Honestly, when there's only one new show to watch on a Thursday, you know you're in trouble.

Worst Costume Design/Most Frightening New Pilot: Wonder Woman
Wow, I hardly even know where to start with this particularly train wreck... Man alive, I was worried for this reboot before I saw the costume design courtesy of Entertainment Weekly. Now? "Yikes" just doesn't quite seem to do it justice... It looks to be even worse than I’d feared. I guess it’s good to know that Howie’s Halloween Bargain Bin is getting some much needed business though… Seriously, it could not look any cheaper and couldn’t make Adrianne Palicki look any worse. She’s actually a very pretty girl (check her out as Tyra Collette on Friday Night Lights for a shocking comparison), but with dark hair and the smashed breasts make her look terrible. Her face looks oddly mannish here, which, for a character by the name of Wonder Woman, probably isn’t the direction they were hoping for. I’m going to have to side with TWoP on this one. “Days later and we still think that Adrianne Palicki would have been better off in some Wonder Woman underroos.” I'm not sure how appointed David E. Kelley as the head of this disaster, but between him and this costume, I'm afriad. Very afriad.

Best Casting Choice: Ian’s Biological Father on Shameless
Um, wow. Nicely done, casting director person! Seriously, I’m guessing Cameron Monaghan’s actual father doesn’t look that much like him. Freaky.

Least Believable Knowledge Gap: Robin on HIMYM
I actually thought the concept of everyone having a “knowledge gap” was pretty entertaining, but after several years of establishing Robin as a Canadian who misses being up north, the thought of her not knowing that the North Pole is a real place is ridiculous, even for this show. And not knowing that reindeer are real? Absurd. There are a billion gaps they could have given her, but for some reason they settled on the most unbelievable of them all. Did the writers do this on purpose to make Robin look even dumber than we thought, or did they casually forget who the character is entirely? Who knows.

Best Pick-Up News: Southland
I wouldn’t say this is my favorite show by any stretch, but it’s a quality program with incredible performances week-to-week and deserves another season. Anything to stick it to NBC for canceling them in such a shady way in the first place is a win in my book.

Somehow, Most and Fewest Eliminations: The Biggest Loser
I have never really cared for this show, but various people in my office watch it, so I caved. I hate being on the outside of a conversation, so I figured I’d tune in for the fast-forwarded version. I did that for a few weeks, but then my scheduling got too full and I had to bail on it. Well, with March upon us and reruns in full swing, I finally got back to it. After this long, I assumed I’d see maybe 6, considerably thinner contestants left. Well, everyone was thinner, but there were still 11 people left. And if that weren’t enough, they brought back another one! And then they eliminated a guy who didn’t want to go home, and kept a girl who did. I realize they’re trying to make things more exciting here, but it’s mostly just lame. And at the rate they keep bringing people back, the season will end sometime around Christmas. Of next year.

Best Shipper Name: Esplainie on Castle
You know, because they’re always “esplaining” things. Solid gold.

Best Meta References: Castle
Speaking of shippers, hats off to Castle for addressing the crazy fans out there head-on, and in the most charming way possible. They somehow managed to take on obsessive shippers, bloggers who rail against the shows they love, and the fervor over their own will-they-or-won’t-they setup, all without pissing off anyone who actually falls into those categories. Well played.

Shittiest Luck: Basically the entire cast of Shameless
Boy, this just keep going from bad to worse for these people. This week’s episode set the dominoes in place, and in the finale few minutes, nudged that first one into the next. Sunday’s finale promises a wide array of crazy as the rest come tumbling down. Oh, Officer Tony. Way to go, champ. Surely sending Lip and Ian to jail is the way into Fiona’s pants, right?

Second Shittiest Luck: Winona and Raylan on Justified
Last week’s episode felt a little out of place and kind of like a filler episode, but when you combine it with this week’s denouement, it turns out that it was actually a thrilling two-parter that should have been aired on the same night. After last week, I was a little skeptical about how things played out. Why the hell would Winona have taken a single bill to the bank to see if it was real? Was she going to go back for the rest? That’s a terrible plan! Well, with this week’s episode, it all makes a lot more sense. She took the whole lot first thing, intending on spending it, then realized that perhaps the reason it was in lock-up for so long was that it was counterfeit. That’s why she went to the bank with the one bill, then changed her mind as she realized the ramifications of showing up at a bank with a fake bill. This in no way means her actions weren’t incredibly stupid, but at least there’s a rationale behind it. Man alive, the payoff in this week’s episode was well-worth the ambivalence over last week’s. In true Hitchcockian brilliance, the audience becomes a co-conspirator with Raylan and Winona as they try desperately to put that money back where it came from without getting caught. With the audience being the only ones privy to every moment, it became unbearably nerve-wracking as their every attempt failed, then was one-upped with even more danger. So great. And, while lesser shows would have put us through all that and then had them get away scot free, Justified gives us some resolution without the rose-colored glasses. Winona gets the money back into evidence, but not without Art Mullen becoming slightly suspicious of our good friend Raylan. I’m just so glad I can breathe again now that the money has been taken care of that I’m more than happy to live with a little unsubstantiated suspicion.

In Related News, Most Terrifying Performance by an Inanimate Object: Winona’s stupid, ugly, incriminating bag on Justified
I must have thought to myself, “Oh, for hell’s sake, Winona!” at least a hundred times because of that bag…

Most Deafening Silence/Longest Elevator Ride Ever: Justified
After enduring an entire episode of unbridled anxiety, the money is returned, Winona’s leather bag is empty, but that’s only just the beginning. Wow, I wouldn’t have wanted to have been in that elevator after all that. Really, after something like this, what do you say? What can you say?

Slumpiest Sophomore Year: Modern Family
This week’s episode was better than the last several, but that must mean that the bar has been lowered considerably from season 1. I’ve never been as over-the-moon about this show as most people (finding it to be more amusing than uproarious), but in season 1, I walked away from most episodes with a few hi-larious quotes and several memorable moments. This season? It’s more medium-larious than anything else and on a far less frequent basis. I guess I’m just not finding a whole lot to latch onto this year. Long story short, where Community has upped its game in season 2, Modern Family has declined. Community has always been a better comedy, but now, the gap is more noticeable than ever.

Biggest Dick: Mike on Top Chef All-Stars
Can I tell you how irked I am that he’s in the finale? Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather see Blais trounce him than Antonia, but that also means that we have to see yet another episode of Mike and his insufferableness. He’s suck a prick. Even when he’s trying to be complimentary, he’s a bastard. Way to undercut Chef Bernstein by specifying that she’s “one of the top women chefs,” rather than simply “one of the top chefs” in the country. Nice back-handed praise for one of the guest judges there, jackass. I swear to god, if he wins this, fans will revolt. Come on Blais, don’t you dare choke… you know, like you did the last time (why yes, yes I will continue to pour salt in that wound if I think it'll motivate him to suck less this time around!)

Strangest, Yet Ridiculously Common Pronunciation: Jaguar on Top Model
I don’t know where people get this idea, but I have heard more than a few people over the years pronounce “jaguar” as “jag-wire”. It’s not even kind of spelled like that and in spite of my best efforts to find a dictionary out there that has that as an alternate pronunciation, I fell short. There are only two pronunciations of “jaguar” that I’ve ever come across in a dictionary. “Jag-wahr” and the chiefly British “jag-yoo-ar”. I’ll happily take either. Not that I should be expecting much from top model contestants, but this weirdness extends beyond just them. So weird.

Best Mash-Up: Pulp Fiction and My Dinner with Andre on Community
I love this show. Best comedy on TV. I’ve never actually seen My Dinner with Andre, but now I might just have to. “I’ll never forget My Dinner with Andre dinner with Abed.” Classic. Only this show could managed to blend two such disparate movies into a TV show that's not only hilarious, but also has emotional depth. Impressive.

Best New Acronym: THL—Tight Heavy Lid
Courtesy of Community, of course. Should prove useful...

**Quotes of the Week**

“You shouldn't have to do fucking Glee…. The guy is so offended that we're not, like, begging to be on his fucking show. Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee. ... I watched 10 minutes. It's not my thing.”
--Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters. I couldn’t agree more. I enjoy Glee well enough (although this season has been rough), but I find myself thinking a little less of certain musicians who allow their music to be used on the show. If I had my way, they’d do almost nothing but showtunes, which showcase the cast’s talents the best and which help tell a story a whole lot better. Sorry Ryan Murphy, but I’m with Dave on this one. Stop being such a baby and taking offense when you get turned down.

“Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date”
--The Onion makes my day.

“We call this color: I was saying Royal Blue-urns.”
--Shirt Woot, making my day with a reference only true blue-urns Simpsons fans will appreciate.

Martha: “After my character married his character, Joseph Fox, she was kidnapped, buried alive, trapped in a cave with bears, uh, kidnapped again, and held hostage in the sewers of Paris.”
Beckett: “How long were you on the show?”
Martha: “Three weeks.”
--Castle, regarding Martha's stint on a daytime soap.

“George. I choose you.”
--Mitchell on Being Human (UK), who keeps breaking my heart. I’m afraid for the rest of this season, peeps. Very afraid.

Alicia: “It’s my daughter. She thinks I drink too much.”
Kalinda: “You know what your problem is?”
Alicia: “I don’t drink enough?”
Kalinda: “You didn’t get your tubes tied.”
--The Good Wife. Word. (Sorry, Jahn, I know you like Grace.)

Alicia: “You crossed the line.”
Eli: “…Which one?”
--The Good Wife. I don’t talk about him much, but Eli Gold is one of the best characters on TV. It makes the frequent absences of Chris Noth a little easier to endure. Alan Cumming, you’re my hero. Or, as my brother would say, “Nightcrawler really deserves his own show.” Agreed.

"There's nothing clear about the air around coal."
--Probably the most prophetic and subtly pointed lines ever spoken on Justified.

Raylan: “He has had my back on two occasions. Once was the last day I was in the mine, and the other, not so long ago.”
Carol: “My, that sounds like a love story.”
--Justified, pointing out what the audience already knows. This show may be about a lot of things, but the relationship between Boyd and Raylan takes the cake.

“He will be amazing & adored, then Fox will cancel him after 14 eps.”
--Nathan Fillion, via twitter, responding to tradertiki’s comment, “My wife and I just named our son Malcolm Reynolds....”

“And all the while there was Winona's tan leather bag, brimming with stacks of smirking Benjamin Franklins, mocking us at every turn. Just sitting there. Like a bag. But it was anything but a bag. It's always fantastic when an inanimate object becomes a central character in a show or film, and halfway through the episode I wanted to punch that bag in its non-existent face or roughly pull its zipper back and forth until it caught on something and got stuck. Take that, bag!”
--Tim Surette on TV.com, expressing my thoughts toward Winona’s bag far more eloquently than I could.

“Cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.”
--Abed on Community, noting the awesomeness of his friends’ Pulp Fiction costumes. Cool to the fifth, really. I loved how earlier in the episode Annie had said that they’d get at least five “cools” from Abed, and then they did.

Troy [near sobbing]: “They said market price! WHAT MARKET ARE YOU SHOPPING AT?!”
--Community. I always love the little… geez, what do you call those little scenes at the end of a show that come after the narrative has already been wrapped up? Well, whatever they’re called, Community does them better than anyone. They always leave you will a hilarious little nugget to hold onto.

I hate that Blake Calamar!

With The Good Wife being one of the twistiest shows out there, it really shouldn't surprise me when things get crazier and crazier with each episode, but alas, even when I know something is coming, it still leaves my jaw on the floor every time. Seriously, I should ready for everything at this point, but the biggest shocker last night (among a fair few, it should be noted), kind of has me reeling.

**SPOILER ALERT** (If you haven't seen the latest episode yet, read no further.)

So yeah, let's dispense with the preamble and get to the heart of the issue. As that soul-sucking scumbag Blake Calamar deduced, it wasn't Kalinda's old identity that has her so touchy on the issue, it's that establishing the new identity meant she slept with Peter Florrick! Emphasis on the "ick"! Oh my god, my heart completely sank when Blake rubbed her nose in it and she started tearing up. Kalinda. Tearing up! It was especially pointed and painful because we were actually led to believe, for one brief shining moment, that Kalinda had finally won and that Blake was out of her life. Yeah, no. I really should have known that it wouldn't be that easy. Man alive, I just wanted to take Kalinda's bat and go to town on his kneecaps. I hate that guy. To his credit though, he managed one hell of a parting shot. Seriously, after Kalinda basically implicates him in an affair with a gangster's wife, there are only so many ways to get back at someone. Well, Blake, hat's off to you.

The fact that Kalinda slept with Peter, in and of itself, is one thing, but it's the impact this will have on Alicia that is at the crux of the matter. I have to wonder if the writers had this in mind all along or if they formulated this storyline during this second season. Knowing this show, I wouldn't doubt for a second that they had these sorts of designs in mind for ages, but I have a feeling the details were hammered out just prior to season 2. I guess I just think that Kalinda wouldn't have attached herself to Alicia the way she did if she thought this information might every come out. Or, maybe she was just supremely confident that her tracks were well-hidden. Or, best of all, maybe Kalinda wanted to keep an eye on Alicia, just in case her past with Peter came to the surface, and accidentally became friends with her. I can absolutely see Kalinda approaching Alicia with one set of motives and having the rug pulled out from under her when she realized just how much she adores her. It's impossible to tell for sure with Kalinda, because her actions toward those around her are generally pretty cryptic, but I think the writers did a lovely job establishing Kalinda's and Alicia's relationship in such a way that this revelation is totally believable and utterly devastating. Learning the truth informs on all of Kalinda's actions in one way or another. I really liked how Blake put the pieces together. In wasn't just that he was finding out things about Kalinda's past, it was that he was digging up dirt that would hurt Alicia that blew Kalinda's cover. And with good reason...

This is going to be completely humiliating and devastating for Alicia. That Peter had affairs is old news, but that he had an affair with her best friend? And that she's been keeping this a secret for so long? Ouch. Kalinda became Alicia's friend after this all happened. That makes things better in one way, but much worse in another. On the one hand, at least Kalinda didn't betray a friendship. On the other, it means that Kalinda, knowing what she knew, forged a very close, very trusting relationship with the woman whose husband she'd slept with. Even worse, Alicia really hasn't had many people she could talk to about her life, her marriage, and her sense of betrayal over the past two years... except for Kalinda. Oh good god, the thought of Alicia finding out that she had been confiding in one of her husband's conquests is pretty tough to handle. That's where the real sense of betrayal comes from. You just sat there, listening to everything I had to say about Peter and our marriage and his affairs, and you WERE one of his affairs?! That's pretty mortifying. Alicia is one of the very few people on the planet whom Kalinda trusts and now she risks losing that. Beyond all the other fallout that will likely rain down on Kalinda for this, that's going to be the toughest, methinks.

In terms of how this will affect Alicia and Peter, I honestly don't know. Their marriage has weathered affairs, lies, betrayals, and just about everything else over the past year, so I'm not sure this latest tidbit of extramarital sex will fundamentally change things. I think this will affect Alicia's relationship with Kalinda far more than it will her marriage. That prospect makes me unhappy for a number of reasons. Aside from how hard it's going to be to watch Alicia find out about her best friend, I doubt it will even have the benefit of ending her marriage. (That didn't come out right...) To clarify, I've never been shy about criticizing Peter and I think Alicia would be better off without him. That in no way means that Peter isn't an awesome character. Deceitful son of a bitch? Absolutely, but that's what I love about him. It's a love-to-hate situation most of the time, but I have to admit, he's really grown on me over this season. He may be corrupt and a liar, but he really does seem to want to set things straight. I honestly can't imagine the show without him, but for Alicia's sake, I hope she bails. It's not even really an issue of the two of them as a couple anymore. I think they actually have some palpable chemistry together (and the current season has done a nice job of showing viewers why she fell in love with him in the first place), but in terms of the affect he has on her life, I'm not a fan. Alicia doesn't want to buy a big house and be the upper-crusty stay-at-home politician's wife and neither do I. For so much of their relationship, Alicia has had to play the role of "the good wife" even when she didn't want to. That's what would be heartbreaking to see. Alicia's dynamic with Peter isn't really the problem. It's Peter's effect on her life. Indeed, less and less these days does it have anything to do with Will at all. In season 1 I very much wanted to see Alicia and Will together, but over the past several episodes, I think it's clear that they've drifted apart, sometimes forcibly.

Now that I've discussed the potential ramifications of what happened last night, I need to backtrack to how we got there in the first place, because that's pure gold. I love it when the A-plot intersects with the B and C plots in surprising ways and The Good Wife does this better than any other procedural on the air. On the surface, random A-plot about Lamond Bishop's divorce seemed almost like a distraction from the nail-bitiness of Kalinda's grand jury investigation, but no. As is so often the case, not only is the A-plot not simply an A-plot, but it factors into every other aspect of the show in a very real way. When Kalinda began answering Cary's questions, I honestly didn't know what her plan was or who all was in on it (they did a very nice job muddying the Cary/Kalinda waters). Oh man, as Kalinda explained that she had followed Blake to that hotel, room 333, it took me a second to remember all the implications that would have, because, well, there are a hell of a lot. Kudos to the show for selecting a memorable room number, by the way, that definitely helped. It's been a blast watching Blake and Kalinda one-up each other in the most sadistic of ways, so to see her pummel him like that was incredibly satisfying (you know, until he leveled her later on). Best of all, Cary was totally in on it.

Yeah, much more important that the Alicia/Peter/Will situation is the Kalinda/Cary situation. I have always loved their character dynamic whether it be flirty or feisty or dismissive. You name it, I'll take it. That said, seeing the two of them (Kalinda in particular) really start to appreciate the other has been best of all. Aside from the playful chemistry they've always had, there's always been an undercurrent of one using the other (usually Kalinda using Cary). I think for a long time she under-estimated him, but this season, things have definitely changed. Sure, he's an asset that she wants in her corner, but it's way more than that now. You don't send random political assets a change-of-address notification. Unless Kalinda is the smoothest operating in town and the best manipulator ever created, she likes him. A lot. Even if she won't admit it. :) I had suspected that Cary would conspire with her to keep her out of jail, but with this show, nothing is certain. After he asked Kalinda, "Are you comfortable?" though, I could be pretty sure he was invariably in her corner. God, Matt Czuchry has gotten so good. I mean, he's always been good, but in this role, he's really blossomed. As with most of this cast, he uses subtlety in the most powerful of ways. There was just something about the way he asked Kalinda if she was comfortable that was somehow warm, flirty, menacing, and suspicious all at the same time. It makes the interplay between characters all the more fascinating to watch and keeps the viewers on their toes with even the quietest of scenes. Especially with the quietest of scenes.

So yeah, Kalinda and Cary planned her escape. I loved how Alicia called Kalinda out. "He was in on it! He knew exactly what to ask you!" Heh. Of course he did. "Cary's a great guy..." How could that not be followed-up by a rendition of Kalinda and Cary sitting in a tree, I mean really? The whole Peter/Kalinda angle of this episode kind of put a damper on things, but it's still there. It makes me wonder just how much behind-the-scenes conspiring Cary and Kalinda have been up to. I assume she told him the full details of Blake's blackmail scheme, but I have a feeling she casually left out their interrogation strip search... and the fact that she has a husband... and certainly the fact that she slept with Peter. Oh Kalinda, give an inch, keep a mile.

Of all the unfortunate-ness spurred by the grand jury situation, one of the nicest side effects was that Cary and Alicia finally buried the hatchet. Kalinda needed saving and that was a cause that Cary and Alicia could both get behind. I loved the phone call between the two. The both of them just sitting on either end of the line, not saying a word, spoke volumes. He knows he conspired with Kalinda, Alicia knows it, and everyone is thrilled with the outcome. In a way, they're both in on the secret and that makes the bond between them resurface. I also think that at least 5% of it was that Cary's work situation may very soon fall under the purview of Alicia's husband so he figured it was time to make nice, but I honestly don't think that accounts for much. I always liked Alicia's and Cary's vibe back in the day, and while it's been fun to see them as adversaries, I'm glad they're friends again.

There are only a few episodes left of this season and I can't wait to see where we're headed. I'm more than a little apprehensive about the Kalinda/Peter/Alicia shitstorm that is to come, but hey, that's all part of the fun, right?

In other news, Eli Gold makes my day. "You kids are evil!"

Update: After posting this, I did a little web-surfing and came across a wonderful interview with the showrunners for The Good Wife on TVline which actually addresses several of my concerns and questions. I try not to read anything before I formulate my own ideas, but this sure would have shortened this post a bit... Apparently they had this in mind when they initially pitched the show. I should have known. They're too good not to.

This Just In... US Being Human Ups Its Game

So, after posting about the US version of Being Human being rather less-than-original in my previous entry, last night's episode threw a definite wrench into my complaints (in a good way). I have been hoping all along that the US version would find a way to set itself apart from the UK version, and it seems we're finally to that point. I'm guessing last night's outing was the rumored "game changer" that I've been waiting for because it finally took the show down a different, and surprisingly Amish, path.

The UK version has been the gold standard since minute one. Aside from (obviously) coming first and therefore being the progenitor against which the US version is invariably compared, the UK version is superior in nearly every regard regardless of concept execution. The cast is better, the acting is better, the tone is better, you name it. The US version will never outdo the UK version at its own game, sot it behooves the show to change the game as quickly as possible. I can see where the writers of the US version would want to adhere to conventions and storylines established by the original. The Brits do a hell of a job most of time and it makes sense that writers would want to keep the goodness for the new iteration. I'm guessing there's also a sense among them that it might upset true-blue fans of the original to revamp the series too much. I suspect that rationale comes from too many books being too heavily revised or bowdlerized for the film adaptation. Fans of the book are immediately outraged when the film changes something. It makes sense that this would carry over to a US adaptation of a UK classic, but in my experience, that's not the case at all.

Indeed, and quite to the contrary, when it comes to another country adopting a foreign program, I think changing things up as much as possible as quickly as possible is the best plan of action. You're not going to be better than the original (generally speaking), so don't try. My advice to anyone undertaking such a task would be to take the bare bones, the basic concept, and then make it your own. By keeping the new show in line with the original, all you're doing is giving viewers a side-by-side comparison with which to criticize the new version. Aside from having to watch the inferior attempt in progress, it also makes the show decidedly boring to watch. That's been my main problem with the US Being Human thus far. Been there, seen that. Only better. Based on the pilot alone, I was hopeful that this show would be quite different than its cousin, but the past several episodes have featured nothing but storylines that I've already seen before. Last night, however, they took things in a very new direction. For the first time in a long time, I was genuinely surprised by the goings-on and I actually don't know where things are going from here. In should come as no surprise then that last night's offering was their best yet.

As anyone who reads my posts about The Vampire Diaries can attest, I'm a sucker for a good flashback episode. Last night's Being Human featured some much appreciated backstory for Aidan and Bishop, taking us back to the mid 1950s for some insight. It was very nice to finally get some foundation for their relationship, but I'm left still wanting more. I'm sure they'll dole out the details over time, but I left the most recent episode with my interests piqued and eager for more. All in due time, I suppose. The flashbacks were lovely to have, but they turned some of my theories and assumptions on their ear...

Based on their interactions thus far, I had developed a notion that Bishop was gay and that his attachment to Aidan was more than simply maker and, uh... makee? Anyway, I thought that would add a nice twist that, although the argument could be made that Mitchell and Herrick may have a similar something-or-other under the surface, has never really been explored all that much. The thought of Bishop being infatuated with Aidan was intriguing. Well, our first foray into flashbacks threw a rather heterosexual wrench into that plan. Apparently Bishop had a human girlfriend that he absolutely adored, but whom he killed in order to gain power. This adds some much needed depth and history to his character and it certainly informs on his current ambitions, but it takes his past and present in a different direction than I was expecting (and hoping for). Don't get me wrong, just because he had a romance with a woman back in the day doesn't mean that he can't be enamored of Aidan now, but I'm slightly afraid that this might be backpedaling on the part of the writers or the network. Or maybe I was simply reading way too much into their interactions in the past. Who knows. Whatever the motivations and whatever the path, the show it setting itself on a course that's rather different than it's cousin across the pond and as a result, I'm finding myself far more invested now than before.

The other angle that has me intrigued is the arrival of the elders (or whatever they're called in this particular vampire show). The originals, the ancients, the magister, the old ones, whatever, every vampire lore seems to have them, but with Being Human, they're basically Amish? Interesting. I can work with that. Okay, so it seems that they're just tied to older ways, so the Amish is a people that speaks to them, but still, it's kind of a nice angle to take. I'm much more concerned with their plans for Bishop and Aidan though. Apparently they rise, cause some chaos, then rest for another 50 years, so odds are they won't be around for the long haul, but I'm sure they can set some things in motion that will have dire consequences. Geez, just seeing Aidan returning to the fold to save Josh is plenty impetus for crazy things to come.

Speaking of which, I think Josh is the strongest element of the show. Aidan is what really ties everyone together, but Josh, much like his English cousin George, is the heart of the show. The actor who plays Josh does a lovely job keeping things subtle when he needs to. Last night was a prime example. His indignation and humiliation at being subjected to the vampires' tests and games and dog fights was incredibly powerful to watch and his internal conflict regarding Aidan was apparent without being overbearing. Aidan and Josh have a wonderful vibe together, but Sally is still driving me nuts. Her British counterpart Annie is bubbly and delightful and it's easy to believe that the vampire and werewolf in her life would adore her. Sally, on the other hand, seems to drive her castmates crazy right along with the audience. I think the casting department was trying way too hard to get someone who looked the part rather than someone who could truly play the part. Smooth move on that one, guys. Her acting is terrible most of the time, her voice is grating, and her tone is that of an insufferable nag 90% of the time. They have done nothing to indicate why Josh or Aidan would want to have anything to do with her at all. Indeed, at times, I get the impression the writers want us to hate her. I haven't the faintest idea why they would want that, but there doesn't seem to be any other plausible explanation for the way she's written... I think the bulk of it is the actress attached. When I think of her dialogue in and of itself, it's honestly okay for the most part. It seems that when those words come out of her mouth though, there's no saving them. Sigh.

Anyway, wherever we're headed, and in spite of Sally being along for the ride, I'm more interested in and excited for this show than I have been for the past few episodes. I'm hoping they really take things in a new direction. It'll never live up to the original show, but if it can make the show its own, it won't have to live up to anything. It'll be its own entity that can be judged on its own merits, which will be a welcomed change of pace. It's kind of like with The Office. The pilots were almost identical, and the basic character traits are essentially in tact, but the US version quickly went in a very different direction, which, I think, is the key to its success. I don't even think of them as the same show. (Not that I watch the US version anymore, but for a few seasons there, it was wonderful.) Here's hoping the same goes for Being Human. You know, except for the getting-utterly-craptastic-after-a-few-years part...

An Argument with Myself about Being Human

In just about every show, sooner or later, there comes a time when it becomes difficult to watch. There are various reasons this may happen, but the primary causes for me are 1) the quality has decreased to the point of unwatchability, or 2) I'm so wholly and entirely invested in what's going on that I'm actually afraid to see where things are headed (especially if one of my favorite characters is headed in an unfortunate direction). Well, the British version of Being Human certainly isn't lacking in quality, but good god, the shit that Mitchell is going through right now is getting hard to watch.

Word of warning, what started out as one of my usual discussions of television somehow morphed into me arguing with myself for several paragraphs...

My relationship with the show has always been pretty intense. I fell hard for the series a couple of years ago and have kept up with on BBC America for the past three seasons. The show is incredibly well-crafted, well-plotted, and engaging from top to bottom (far more so than its American cousin on Syfy... more on that later). In spite of the sheer absurdity of the concept on paper (a ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire rent a flat together), the basis of the show, and its true power has also been the friendship between Annie, George, and Mitchell as they try desperately to live normal lives. Their often misguided or unsuccessful attempts at "being human" form the narrative nuts and bolts, but its the mental and emotional impact on their dynamic that forms the true impetus for the series.

It's impossible not to get wound up in these three characters and after only the pilot, I was completely invested. Now, becoming invested in the characters is an essential part of any successful viewing experience. For me at least, if I don't really care all that much about the characters, I couldn't care less what happens to them. I was going to make that statement more universal, initially assuming that that would be a requirement for all people, but then I pulled myself back and looked at how ridiculously successful crime procedurals are. The reason so many people love those shows is the reason I generally don't love those shows, it seems. I'm continually amazed at how often I come across comments about these shows like, "I hate it when they get into the personal lives of the characters. Why can't they just stick to the case?" Um, are you kidding me? The only time I do care about these kinds of shows is when there's some meaningful character development... Anyway, that's beside the point. For a serial like Being Human, the nitty gritty details of week-to-week occurrences are only important in terms of character impact and motivation. Even the little things tend to mean a lot, so when big things are going down, it means a hell of a lot (and with this show, that hell might very well be literal).

Which brings us to now now. This show always has a whole lot of crazy going on, but lately it seems like Mitchell has been bearing most of the conflict. It's getting to the point where I almost don't even want to know what hell is up next for him. Poor guy just can't seem to catch a break. After last season, watching Mitchell completely fly off the rails and start slaughtering people, I figured the show would maybe rein things back in for him a little, but man alive, things have only gotten worse. I adore Mitchell and seeing him so utterly wracked with guilt is killing us both. Aside from the emotional turmoil that's tearing him apart, the dread that the walls are about to collapse in on him is making me incredibly anxious. As if the human legal authority catching wind of his involvement in the jaw-dropping Box Tunnel 20 Massacre wasn't scary enough (yeah, thanks for that one, Nina), he also has the entire vampire contingent seeking revenge, a "wolf-shaped bullet" aimed at his head, and an interpersonal dynamic among his friends that is crumbling right before his eyes. It's incredibly riveting to watch, but I'm just not sure how much more I can take. I'm just entirely too invested in Mitchell and it's breaking my heart.

It's also raising an eyebrow or two. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with a lot of Mitchell's decision for emotional reasons, sure, but also for purely logical ones. From what I know of Mitchell, and at this point, that's quite a lot, many of his actions of late have been completely out of character. Is this because he's been suppressing who he really is and now the real Mitchell is coming through? Is this merely a convenient narrative decision? Last season Mitchell did a lot of stupid/crazy/violent/horrific things that weren't in line with the Mitchell we knew form season 1, but it all made sense. He was spiraling and his actions reflected that fact. With season 3, however, his motivations seem so much murkier and less in line with what I think Mitchell would really do. The thing that has been bugging me is Mitchell's feverish, panicked determination to stay alive. I realize that sounds stupid (Uh, duh, of course he wants to stay alive...), but no. This is a character who has stared down certain death on numerous occasions and for far smaller reasons. Is it that he's with Annie now? Is that why he's so terrified of fate catching up with him? Was it his trip to hell that has made him so fearful? I can theorize a lot of different ways in which it would make sense for Mitchell to risk the lives of those around him to save his own skin, but for some reason, it's just not sitting right with me. For someone like Mitchell, carrying about the guilt and regret and emotional baggage that he does, it just doesn't seem to fit that he would be so terrified of death, especially when it comes to his friends' best interests. He would do anything for them, even die. Hell, he went soldiering into ghostly unknown after Annie, not afraid in the least of never coming back, but now he hides a secret that puts them all in very real danger? He bargains with Herrick for information? He contracts to have McNair taken for dog fights when deep down, he has to know that it puts George, Nina, and the boy in danger? He saves Annie only to emotionally destroy her later? It just isn't sitting well. Maybe it's simply that I hate seeing him suffer.

My rationale for all of his actions is that he wants to be the hero, but he really sucks at it most of the time. I think maybe he wants to make amends and set things right (to the extent possible) and he can't do that if he's dead. He certainly has been known to go about things in the wrong way before, so maybe I'm just projecting my hopes for him as a character in such a way that won't allow for him to make these kinds of terrible decisions. There has to be a part of him that is intentionally detaching from his worldly connections because of his glimpse into his own fate. A fate which is entirely wrapped up in his interactions with werewolves. In spite of all that though, I have to believe that he would never betray George. When Mitchell told George in Sunday's episode, "I choose you," it was the first real glimmer of the Mitchell I know and love in far too long. Nina may have lost all faith, but George is still hanging on... for now.

Whatever my hang-ups may be, it's generally a sign of awesomeness to come that I have a hard time getting through certain episodes of a show. In season's past, things were at least as dire, although it seemed that the heartache was a bit more evenly distributed. Maybe that was the difference. Sure George and Nina have their worries about the baby (speaking of storylines that I'm having a hard time with, although for entirely different reasons), and Annie doesn't know how to be with Mitchell, but compared to the shit storm raining down on our resident vampire, that's seems like child's play. After 2 1/2 seasons though, I can see where for the writers, that might just be how it has to be. George and Annie are the heart and soul of the show, but Mitchell is the conflict, the passion, the drive, and the drama. Without him, where would they be? While bad things generally tend to just kind of happen to George and Annie, Mitchell is almost always the instrument of his own destruction. (And the destruction of everyone else, for that matter...) His mistakes are so much grander and reach so much further than anyone else's. I guess that's what truly makes it so hard to watch him fail. As if he weren't hard enough on himself, he's got everyone collapsing around him. Geez, it's truly amazing that this show retains as much humor as it does. In spite of all the dark, it's still funny as hell.

So where does the show go from here, I ask myself? I can see where, in spite of my own difficulties in accepting Mitchell's decisions, this season might be the story of his journey back from the brink. While on the one hand, that sounds like marvelous television that I can't wait to see, on the other, much heavier hand, I have a sickening feeling that things won't end well for Mitchell, even if they do. I have heard rumor that Aidan Turner (the dashing fellow who plays Mitchell) won't be back for season 4. This means that the remainder of the current season could go in just about any direction, but all of them ending with heartbreak. As I see it, the rest of this season can go in one of two ways for Mitchell: 1) He'll finally reject his notions of "being human," accept himself for the monster he is, and leave the company of his friends (whether alive or not), or, much more likely, 2) Mitchell will push his friends to the limit with his selfish actions, but as the ticking clock counts down to zero, he'll make the ultimate sacrifice to save his friends and prove his humanity after all. I have a feeling we're headed down path number 2, but that basically means things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better, and even when they do, it'll still end with Mitchell's death. I'm just not sure I can handle that right now. This show is brilliantly written and I trust in the writers' instincts most of the time, but even if it were the greatest hours of television ever, it's still going to be devastating. My ultimate prediction? Things will come to a head in such a way that the only means of saving their world is for Mitchell to die, at the hands of his best friend. While it was unduly awesome to see Mitchell call out Nina ("I should have known it would be you."), I think for maximum emotional destruction, it's going to be George who kills him. This season has been setting it up for the most impact. We've already seen George at near devastation levels at the mere thought of Mitchell not returning from limbo, and we've seen him reject violence toward others numerous times (but now to the extent that he protects Herrick of all people), so to see George kill his own best friend? Man alive, I really don't know if I can handle that. If I could be sure that Mitchell were coming back next season, I wouldn't be so apprehensive, but hearing that he might not? That's a fate worse than cancellation.

I guess what it really boils down to is that I wish I had someone in my life who watched this show as well. I've been tempted to email Matt Roush with my misgivings, but as is clearly evident, I can't even sort my thoughts out enough to make an intelligible email. My new goal is to get someone in my office watching the show, but by the time they caught up, I fear the end would have already come for my dear Mitchell. Sigh... I honestly don't know how the show will survive without him. He's the core of the show for me in so many ways... Double sigh...

Point of reference, I do not have such conflicted, lengthy conversations with myself about Syfy's stab at Being Human. I enjoy the show well enough, but now that the original is back, I find myself caring less and less. The US adaptation has been far too vested in the storylines of its predecessor and I find myself getting a bit weary. I had heard that they would be veering decisively off the British path by about episode 6, but that still hasn't happened. Little changes here and there, but I certainly knew that little boy was going to find the vampire porn, get hit by a car, and then turned into a vampire. Aidan killing the boy was a nice twist, but I need a lot more variation than that. The US edition can't establish itself as its own entity quickly enough. Quite frankly, it differed more from the UK version in its first episode than it has ever since. I'm still hopeful it can find its own path, but I really thought they would have done that by now...

Alas, it's an embarrassment of riches. The British version has so much going for it that I can't really fault the Syfy version for towing the line. Maybe someday I'll be having deep discussions with myself about the merits of Aidan's, Josh's, and Sally's actions on the US version, but I think we're a lot way off. It's been interesting to see how they've handled the same storylines if for no other reason than to see how ill-equipped the American version is to grapple with the kind of depth offered by its cousin across the pond. Perhaps it's just be that the constraints of American basic cable simply not allow for the complexity and conflict associated with this kind of show. We'll see.

Until then, I'm going to keep biting my nails, furrowing my brow, and watching certain scenes through the lacunae between fingers. It's going to be rough, peeps, and I'm slightly terrified. Maybe that's why people love the cardboard characters on their crime procedurals... If there's nothing to invest in, there's nothing to lose (which I accidentally typed, "If there's nothing to invest in, there's nothing to love." That kind of says what I wanted to say better than I actually said it. Ain't always the way.)

Week-In-Review 3.3

For a random week in March without a ton of new shows, this post certainly did get ridiculously long. I'm going to have to seriously cut back come finale season. Sheesh, these are getting out of hand.

Mind-Blowing Realization of the Week: Emily Prentiss is Kathy from Friends?!
Holy shit, peeps, I still can’t believe it. I have seen every episode of Criminal Minds and every episode of Friends (about 12 times), but I never put the Paget Brewster connection together. I was watching an old episode of Friends (the one where Chandler thinks his actress girlfriend Kathy is cheating on him) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s Prentiss!!! I can’t believe I never realized it before. In my defense, she looks completely different now, but still. I’m usually so good at this. They might just revoke my professional television status after a blunder like this… (And no, I have no idea who “they” is, but I hear they’re ruthless…)

Poorest Second Showing: Breakout Kings
I had hoped that the show would improve after a mediocre pilot, but instead, it got even worse. It very quickly went from “seriously flawed, but with potential” to “seriously unwatchable”. Episode two was simply awful. I will not be giving this sucker a third week. The writing it just plain terrible. This is the kind of concept that should have been very easy to make a decent show out of, but they failed hook, line, and sinker. They seem to be having a ridiculously difficult time finding anything for these convicts to do. Seriously, Jimmi Simpson’s eccentric genius is the only one who even kind of helps, and even then, that’s barely even some of the time. At other times, he’s making brilliant deductions about the new token hot chick. “If you were really a breaking and entering expert, you would have helped open that locked trunk.” You mean the trunk that had been burned up in the fire, so that other guy easily broke the lock off with one good hit of an axe handle? That trunk? Exactly how many people do you think it takes to hit a lock? Do you really think it would have been a better use of everyone’s time for her to have picked a $2 pad lock rather than just breaking the damn thing? Stupid. Incredibly stupid. There are a million ways the writers could have subtly constructed a scene that would have exposed New Token Hot Chick as a liar, but that had to be the absolute lamest way. When you’re working within a genre that is this unbelievably popular, you have to do it well. Incredibly well. With each passing scene, I grew more and more annoyed that some other TV crime fighting team wasn’t on the case. The Criminal Minds crew would have solved this ages ago, and in a much more believable way. The writing on this show is just lazy, ridiculous, and boring. It’s also…

The Show Most Clearly Written By Men, More Men, and Only Men: Breakout Kings
It’s generally a safe bet that the entire creative team of a show is comprised of men when the male characters on the show are allowed to be completely unappealing, but the women are all insanely hot, even if that doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. The Original Token Hot Chick at least had a reason to be that hot (she was a grafter and a former beauty queen (you know, because that’s not the kind of backstory a bunch of men would come up with at all)), but the New Token Hot Chick? Ha! Her name is Erica, apparently (of course her name is Erica), and she’s billed as this badass tough chick who learned the ways of bounty hunting from her father (because the only way women can become good at anything but cooking and laundry is if they learn it from their father or brothers, you know) and then avenged his death by killing 5 guys (allegedly)… all while sporting flawless make-up and pink, shiny lip gloss. Seriously, it was ridiculous. Straight out of prison and she looks like she just fell out of a Gucci ad. I might have been more forgiving if her clothes had been impeccable as well (maybe high-end is just how she rolls), but no, her clothes were shabby and sloppy, which made the beauty make-up stand out even more (and for all the wrong reasons). Oh sure, the men on the show are allowed to look the part, but the women sure aren’t. Even their tech analyst (their Penelope Garcia, if you will) is gorgeous. Not as heavily made-up, but still far too attractive for the role. I’m not saying these characters should be hideous, but if you insist on super models, at least try to make them look the part.

Worst Set Design: America’s Next Great Restaurant
Ha! Okay, I know no one really watches this show (and I can see why, it has some serious conceptual problems), but I simply must comment on the set. Okay, literally, for the elimination at the end of the episode, the camera physically couldn’t fit all the competitors into the shot, and of the half it could fit, two of them were obscured by a giant pillar. Boy, it’s too bad there aren’t any other elimination competition shows out there that they could use as a model…

Saddest Cancellation News: The Dish
Seriously? The programming slate for the Style Network is basically a giant steaming pile of total shit, with one lone exception: The Dish. So of course that’s the show that gets cancelled. Oy.

Best Pick-Up News: Community
Yay! Yes, that's right, folks, Community will be back this fall for a third season in spite of lackluster ratings. It really is the best comedy on air, so I'm thrilled beyond thrilled that it'll be back again. Now I just have to worry about Nikita and The Chicago Code... Once those two are out of the woods, I can relax.

Most Improbable Paternity: Shameless
It keeps dawning on me in little ways, but this show has really hit its stride. I’m so glad I stuck with it past the first few rocky episodes. They seem to have nailed down just who these characters really are and what the show is really about. Most recently, it was about paternity. In spite of obvious visual signs to the contrary, ostensibly interracial baby Liam actually is the spawn of Frank Gallagher, but red-haired Irish lad Ian isn’t. Ha! Okay, so apparently one of his uncles is actually his father, so it’s all in the family, but it was still a pretty awesome reveal. So let’s see, that means that Ian and Lip are both half brothers and first cousins… First brothers? Two-thirds brothers? Premium cousins? I never was good as these familial relationships…

Best Brothers (or Whatever They Are): Lip and Ian on Shameless
Speaking of Ian and Lip, I absolutely adore their relationship on the show. I was initially a bit turned off by Lip, but more and more, he’s stealing the show. He and Ian have a dynamic between them that’s equal parts brothers, confidantes, protectors, and friends. Even though they have a very friendly vibe most of the time, it’s always satisfying to see Lip play the role of older brother. He does it in really subtle ways, but with really powerful results. Even in the face of the catastrophe that is their family and the fact that they all had to grow up way too fast, the basic foundations remain. At the end of the day, each member of the family has to pull his/her weight to keep the family afloat, but Ian is still his little brother, and he would do anything for him. Even take a beating.

Sneakiest Teamwork: Teresa and Jarek on The Chicago Code
I suspected they were in cahoots all along, but I’ll be damned if they didn’t sell the lie (even if it did come at Caleb’s expense). Nicely played.

Character That Most Definitely Needs to be Recast: Sally on Being Human (US)
Good god, she’s grating. The ghost character on the British series is charming and warm and quirky. The ghost on the US version is nothing but whiny, nagging, and bitchy. While the writing bears a fair bit of the blame, I think it’s Meaghan Rath’s portrayal that is the real problem. It makes total sense on the British version why the vampire and werewolf would adore their ghostly roommate and be protective of her, but on the US edition, I kinda just want to kill her again. Heretofore, I’d have labeled her as the "Character Most in Need of Becoming Corporeal", but at this point, not only do I hope she remains completely ineffectual, I keep hoping her door will show up. Man alive, doors showing up on the UK version are simply terrifying. Here? Bring on the biggest effing door you can find! (The “effing door,” most commonly used in stately manor homes, was first manufactured in Britain in the late 17th century and is named after the county of East Effing…)

Best Direction: Kurt and Blaine Kiss on Glee
We’ve all known this was coming for a long time, but hats off to the promotional department for not spoiling it for us. I thought it was done in a really lovely way. Unlike every other aspect of the show, it wasn’t some big, flashy, loud production. They allowed for Kurt and Blaine to have a truly touching, subdued, very quiet moment together. The camera didn’t cut away, the music didn’t swell into a tidal wave, and there were no spectators or back-up dancers. It made the kiss feel a lot more authentic and emotional than other elements of the show. By being the least theatrical moment, it actually made it all the more powerful. It was also very nice to see that Kurt and Blaine have a hell of a lot of actual chemistry together. So often a will-they-or-won’t-they couple has a boatload of theoretical chemistry, but then it fizzles. Not with Kurt and Blaine. I believed every second and I’m excited to see where they’re relationship goes from here.

Most Compatible Characters with the Least Compatible Voices: Sadly, Kurt and Blaine
As much as I enjoyed seeing Kurt and Blaine together onstage, I have to admit that their voices didn’t really complement each other very well. Each of them is amazing on them is amazing on his own, and they both seem to have a ridiculous amount of vocal chemistry with Rachel, but together? I was underwhelmed. The emotional register was a whole lot smoother than the vocal register, and that’s truly a shame because I have a feeling these two will be singing together a whole lot more. Maybe it was just this particular song that didn’t suit them… They’ve sung together in the past and it sounded good, so here’s hoping for better in the future.

Most Unnecessarily Dramatic Music: The Biggest Loser
Okay, seriously, simmer down, Show. I’m pretty sure the contestants won’t be shoved off a cliff or fed to alligators if they don’t lose any weight this week. Jesus, based on the music you’d think it were the END OF THE WORLD. Get a grip.

Least Subtlety: Kathy Griffin as Sarah Palin on Glee
You just couldn’t help yourself, could you Ryan Murphy? Funny, sure, but it seemed a little too easy. To boot, they didn’t seem to take full advantage of the situation. It was amusing, but it should have been hilarious.

Most Irritating “Musical” Internet Meme: Friday by Rebecca Black
Good god, if only this song were as “fun, fun, fun, fun” as she seems to think her life is. I couldn’t bring myself to embed that piece of shit, but I’m guessing you’ve already seen it anyways.

Best Musical Internet Meme: Ching Chong by Jimmy Wong
In response to Alexandra Wallace’s unbearably moronic, ridiculously racist rant, Jimmy Wong responded with a delightfully catchy, hilarious musical rebuttal. Awesome. He most certainly does warrant embedding.



Dumbest Deed: Winona on Justified
Oh, for hell’s sake, Winona. Look, I’ve always liked you, but seriously? You took a $100 bill out of evidence to “see if it was real”? Were you planning on taking the rest if it was? Oh, lordy. In what universe was that a good idea? Not this one, apparently. Next week looks to be a nightmare. It’s to the show’s credit that I’m all anxious about the episodes to come. I’m so invested in these characters that it makes me all squicky inside at the thought of them getting in trouble. Seriously Winona, you couldn’t have shoved that bill down your shirt or eaten it or something?! That’s what I would have done.

Most Hilarious Chase: The Geriatric Great Escape on Justified
Oh my god, I was laughing so hard when that old, enfeebled bank robber started hobbling toward the plane and soon-to-be-a-senior-citizen Art Mullen came after him. Ha! Oh man, dragging the oxygen tank behind him and everything. So great. I love this show.

Best Finale: Face Off
Despite the fact that they picked the wrong winner, this show turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun, reviving the tired routine with a truly original concept. I would have thought that a movie make-up competition in the vein of Project Runway would have been unbearably lame, but it was actually fascinating. The contestants were extremely talented (well, most of them), and the challenges were original and visually appealing. Unlike on Top Chef, where I just have to take the judges word for it, or on Project Runway, where the judges are smoking crack, I was able to form an opinion of who did well and who didn’t and the judges were almost always on the same page. That’s the virtue of a visual medium that isn’t a slave to trends. It’s either well done or it isn’t. That said, I can see where they chose Connor for their big winner, but I would have liked to have seen Gage win. The final challenge required the contestants to revamp a fairy tale with an adjective in mind (Industrial Hansel and Gretel, Psychedelic The Little Mermaid, Post-Apocalyptic Red Riding Hood, Haunted Frog Prince). Sure Connor’s technical precision was impressive and superior (the inflatable throat bubble was particularly good), but I still don’t get how his Frog Prince was “haunted” exactly… Gage’s finale tableau was far more imaginative and interesting, taking Hansel and Gretel and turning it into an urban nightmare where the witch wins. His was far and away the most captivating piece, even if Connor’s was more technically proficient. Anyway, this show has been renewed for next season, so keep an eye out for it. Trust me.

Most Conflicted Send-Off: Prentiss on Criminal Minds
This one is a tough call for me. I’ve really enjoyed the Prentiss-was-actually-a-spy-and-now-her-old-enemies-are-trying-to-kill-her storyline. It took a character I liked well enough and turned her into one of the best characters on the show. I’m truly sad to see her go, especially after the show fired JJ earlier this season. I don’t know what the hell the writers are thinking because near as I can tell, they seem to be eliminating all the strong female characters. Maybe they just hate women? No, maybe they just hate interesting women. Blonde for blonde, JJ was, is, and will always be a hell of a lot more engaging than her replacement on the show. I think it wouldn’t sting so much to lose JJ and Prentiss if Seaver were better, but fact is, she ain’t. So boring. So bland. Anyway, Prentiss’ final episode was exciting and epic and befitting her character. That said, the big fakey death scene was over the top and the whole “she’s not actually dead” aspect has been done. A lot. (“So, Cordelia’s going to okay, huh?”) I was less annoyed by it here than on other shows though because it actually made sense for the character. Prentiss was a super-secret international agent. It actually makes sense that she would fake her death (hey, she’s done it before) and make a run for it. It was also nice to see JJ assume a fundamental role in Prentiss’ new identity. JJ didn’t get nearly enough screen time in this episode, but the closing scene between her and Prentiss was a nice touch. I liked that they didn’t show us Prentiss’ face as she walked away. She’s a different person now and only JJ knows the full truth. (It appeared that Hotch was let in on the whole “she ain’t dead” aspect though… not sure how I feel about that.) Anyway, even though part of me would have liked to have seen the show take the creative plunge and killed her off, I’m intrigued to see if she ever comes back. I find that I’m invested in her character now more than ever and would love to see who the new Prentiss is. Paget Brewster has the option of returning to the show next season, and assuming the pilot she’s attached to fails (and it probably will), I’m hoping she takes them up on the offer.

Character Most in Need of Better Hair: Dr. Reid on Criminal Minds
I adore my good friend Dr. Reid, but I’m hating the short hair. Hell, he and his long hair were the primary reasons I started watching this show in the first place, thinking to myself, “Well, he’s easy to look at…” But now? Yikes. Seriously, he’s about 70% less attractive with the short cut. Seriously show, you get rid of JJ, Prentiss, and Reid’s hair? All in one season? That's just mean.

Greatest Misnomer: Top Chef All-Stars
I beg to differ. This season was supposed to be the best of the best, but I’m unimpressed. I don’t think anyone expected the finals to look like this and I don’t think the judges have been all that thrilled with a high percentage of dishes. Challenge for challenge, contestant for contestant, dish for dish, this ain’t the “All-Stars”. Season 6 was the All-Star season with the Volts, Kevin, and Jen knocking it out of the park. I’m still bummed that Jen didn’t have a better showing this season and I still think she should have been in the finals of season 6. Anyway, all I can say is, I was glued to the screen for season 6, but now? I’m pretty bored and unimpressed. Hell, last night I watched Face Off in full, riveted at every turn, but I quickly skipped to the end of Top Chef just to see who was sent packing. Worst of all? I didn’t even really care who it was. Oh, Tiffany went home? Huh.

Best Guest Star: Enver Gjokai on Community
Victor! So nice to see you back in action. Man alive, I love Community but it makes me pine for far too many shows gone by… Dollhouse, you are missed. Sigh…

**Quotes of the Week**

“I just realized we're only on season TWO of Glee. Man, this is going to be a long slog.”
--via twitter, courtesy of JenniferArrow. I hear ya, sister.

“Now Lisa Guerrero has set her sights on fraudulent psychics. Or as they’re more commonly known, psychics.”
--courtesy of The Dish. You were never quite The Soup, but still a lot of fun. You’ll be missed.

“Next time you’re thinking about dropping in, DON’T. You’ve fucked up our lives enough already.”
--Lip, on Shameless. His character has gotten so great. As his mom was pleading with him to give her another chance, he started tearing up and I thought he was going to cave, but then he pushed her away and made it very clear that there are some things you simply can’t atone for that easily. Wow.

Mayor’s Lackey: “Now, don’t go making threats against the mayor. He’s the one who put you in this job. You don’t bit the hand—“
Teresa: “—that is slapping me in the face.”
--Teresa Colvin on The Chicago Code, making it very clear that she will be no one’s puppet.

“Why did that soothsayer tell Caesar to ‘Beware the Ides of March’ when he could've more helpfully said, ‘Beware the knives of stabbers’?”
--Conan O’Brien, via twitter.

“Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever.’ Watching you do Blackbird this week… That was the moment for me. About you. You move me, Kurt.”
--Blaine, finally opening his eyes and seeing what was right in front of him on Glee. Darren Criss really did a lovely job with that scene. Very sincere, but not saccharine. This scene could have easily turned into a sappy, cringe-worthy ode, but it was very restrained, honest, and subtle.

“I don’t even remember putting that in there.”
--Brittany, on Glee, regarding the mountain of dirt that spilled out of her locker upon opening it. Oh, sweetie. Just precious. I love Brittany.

“Marrying into Coldplay has long been an acceptable way to break into music #OnionMusicTips”
--TheOnion, via twitter. Well, it certainly wasn’t her voice.

“Much as I might like to personally throw Mr. Crowder’s ass in a holding cell, I think a threat against a federal officer would be a little more specific. Something more along the lines of, ‘If you disrespect Miss Crowder again, I’ll beat the ever-loving shit out of you.’”
--Art Mullen, becoming more and more badass with each passing episode of Justified. Coming to Boyd’s defense was awesome enough, but to bring Boyd’s seething anger to the forefront while taking the feds to task was even better.

“Well, when someone is threatening a woman that you care deeply for, there is no end to the lengths that you will go to keep that woman safe. Now, I seem to recall you being in that situation a time or two yourself. In fact, I seem to recall you being in the same situation… with the same woman. Ain’t that something.”
--Boyd Crowder on Justified. He is far and away the best character on the show. He’s just so calm when he’s taking people to task. He uses a soft, sedated tone that is disarming and terrifying at the same time.

Raylan: “Do you know where I’m from, Asshole?”
Bank Robber: “No.”
Raylan: “Harlan County.”
Bank Robber: “So?” [Raylan punches him]
Raylan: “Down there we know the difference between dynamite and road flares.”
--Justified. I love how this show takes full advantage of its characters and uses their backgrounds to the fullest. Of course Raylan knows exactly what dynamite looks like. Anyone from mining country would.

Week-In-Review 3.2

Well, kiddies, March is upon us. That's means we're in for a major slump in new programming. February is a sweeps month (hence all the explosions and whatnot), and shows end their seasons in May (yet another sweeps month), so March is the wayward middle child who gets no attention. Quite frankly, it it weren't for cable, I'd be in sorry shape right now. Anyway, there may be some slim pickins in the weeks to come, but here's what struck me this week.

Saddest Kiss: Being Human (UK)
This show has the most amazing ability to balance the utterly hilarious and the completely heart-breaking. It never does anything in the straight-forward way that you’d except and always keeps you on your toes. Having alluding to an Annie/Mitchell hook-up in previous episodes, viewers knew something was coming, but I don’t think any of us expected the long-awaited kiss to come in such a devastating way. Poor Mitchell. Guy just can’t catch a break. Honestly, you slaughter a few people on a train and everything just falls apart.

Mediocre-est New Show: Breakout Kings
I neither liked nor disliked this show enough to write a full post about it. Plus, with it airing on A&E, I’m probably the only one who saw it anyways. It’s essentially the Mod Squad, but with the US Marshals holding the reins and the convicts only allowed out of prison for each case. It’s a concept that’s been done a million times because it’s usually pretty successful. With Breakout Kings, I think we have an unfortunate case of “Lots of potential, failed execution.” It wasn’t a total disaster, but if I had to sum the pilot up in two words or less, I’d go with “seriously flawed.” Those were actually the first words out of my mouth as the pilot drew to a close. The real problem with the show is that the writers seemed to be having a hell of a time coming up with things for the convicts to do. It really shouldn’t be that hard to find awesome uses for their criminal talents, but the pilot basically had one guy pick a lock, the token hot chick hit on a guy to steal his cell phone (I got the disconcerting feeling that the writers seriously didn’t know what to do with her character) and get free breakfast, and the ever-present socially-awkward genius on these shows (he’s basically Dr. Reid) determined that a girl was telling the truth. Um, yay? For a concept like this, I was surprisingly bored. The Dr. Reid of the show is the real star and was the only character that I actually invested in. He’s played by Jimmi Simpson (who played Mary in the Mr. Yang episodes of Psych) and he’s the only actor who really brought anything special to the table. I don’t think he’ll be able to make up for the rest of the cast, but he made it worth it for me to give the show one more week. Theoretically, this show should be exciting and awesome, so maybe there’s still a chance. After only the pilot, however, I’m very tempted to just stick with White Collar for all my cop/criminal alliance needs. I’d give the Breakout Kings pilot a C-.

Most Heavy-Handed, yet Ambiguous Metaphor: Soda Destruction on Shameless
So… as a card-carrying English major, I’ve been trained to look beneath the surface, but not always with successful or pleasant results. At first glance, a vigorous sex scene between Karen and Lip intercut with a scene of Carl tossing a 2-liter bottle of soda off a ledge and exploding on impact (“Shatter-proof, my ass…”) seemed mildly incongruous. After about a second and a half of thinking however, I can’t decide if the exploding soda was a metaphor for sexual climax or it goes beyond that and points to a condom breaking (in which case, an unfortunate pregnancy storyline will likely be forthcoming). I’m hoping for the former, but I have a sinking feeling it’s the latter.

Most Devastating Reunion: Mama Gallagher on Shameless
This show was little hit or miss at the beginning, but in recent episodes it seems to have really hit its stride. Sunday’s outing was excellent in general, but really became a force to be reckoned with in its final scenes. I’d been wondering whatever happened to their mother (Monica) since day one, and now we know. Turns out, Frank was the better parental option. Ouch. To have their mother desert them in the first place must have been devastating, but to have her return intent on taking the younger children? That’s just unbearably cruel. Especially for Fiona, who was forced to step in and be the mother for the past two years. Man alive, seeing Carl and Debbie hug Monica after she asks to be their mother again was like a punch in the face. It’s understandable that 9 and 10 year old kids would be able to look past the desertion in the interest of getting mommy back, but that doesn’t take away the sting. This show does a wonderful job of exploring how different a family dynamic is for younger and older children and it always shows on the faces of the older kids just how screwed up things really are.

Best Reason to Reunite with an Ex: House
I broke up with this show at the beginning of this season, but, upon hearing about Monday’s episode, decided to tune in. A singing, dancing, piano-playing House? Um, yes please. Aside from the boring-as-ever random patient of the week, it was a wonderful episode that managed to take an unbelievably tired routine and make it something special. Asking Mia Micheals to choreograph was the first step in the right direction. The other genre nods were entertaining and all, but the warped Busby Berkeley number was tremendous.

Soundest Termination: Charlie Sheen
Um, WINNING. (That would be society.)

Most Ridiculous Deluge of New Pilots: Click HERE for a list of all the newest pilots and the array of talent attached to them. Please bear in mind that a pilot being filmed does not mean that a show will necessarily show up on your TV anytime soon (or ever, in a lot of cases). From what I’ve read, there may be a few winners this coming fall, but by and large, it’s more of the same shit.

Most Disconcerting Tease: True Blood promo for season 4
Well, Eric has apparently lost his memory… which, at a thousand years old, is quite a lot to lose. I’m not sure how I feel about this. Eric is the primary reason I watch the show, so if Eric isn’t Eric, does it make a sound? You know what I mean.

Best Attempt at a Return to Form: Glee
So, after over a month of nothing but lackluster, disappointing episodes courtesy of Ian Brennan and Ryan Murphy, we finally got a Brad Falchuk episode to ease the pain. It wasn’t one of his best episodes, but even his worst attempts are generally better than his fellow writers. What’s this? Emotional resonance and character development?! Huzah! I could live without the PSAs though, I have to say. Dear Glee, Let the action speak louder than words. If the narrative is strong enough, you don’t need to have your characters say exactly how you feel about an issue. Sheesh. I keep expect that “The more you know” star to shoot across the screen.

Gag that Would Have Been a Whole Lot Awesomer if Arrested Development Hadn’t Done it First (and Better): Glee’s rendition of Afternoon Delight
It was still pretty funny, but it mostly just made me pine for the good old days. Indeed, the discussion of Arrested Development’s version with the fam made me miss half the Glee edition.

Best Game Changer: The White Collar season finale… with Neal’s storage unit of fun.

Best Performance: Michael Cudlitz for the season finale of Southland
To be fair, it was hard to pick just one actor who stood out (the cast on that show is amazing), but I think Cudlitz takes the cake (or the vicodin, as it were). “I’m a cop,” he notes upon checking into rehab for substance abuse… Understated, yet heartbreaking, as always. Well done.

Most Obviously Political Decision: Carla is sent packing on Top Chef, not Antonia
Based on their dishes and the judges initial perceptions of those dishes, Antonia should have gone home. Her dish was poorly conceived and poorly executed. Carla’s dish at least had a promising idea behind it. But, Antonia has been a shining star lately, and is a favorite to win, so the judges and producers of the show gave her a pass. Don’t get me wrong, of the four finalists (who happen to be some of the least-likely All Stars to make it this far), she’s really the only one who can really challenge Richard Blais. He’s really the only finalist that I really thought would be a finalist. I’ve been pulling for his since day one, but he’s been revealed to be kind of a dick in these past few episodes, so now I don’t really care who wins. So long as it’s anyone but Mike Isabella, I’m happy.

Toughest Love: Mags Bennett on Justified
Wow… This show has a slower, more deliberate pace than most which lulls you into a comfort zone just in time for moments of absolute horror. The smooth Kentucky feel actually makes the terror more effective because you just never know when a quiet conversation over Apple Pie Moonshine might turn into a murder. Most recently, Mags’ brand of justice reared its ugly head on Coover’s hand… with a hammer. Yi-hikes.

Most Refreshing Dismissal of Protocol in the Face of a Disastrous Showing: Face Off
This show usually allows the challenge winner to recommend someone to go home to the judges, but after Megan’s spectacular failure in the disguise challenge (she basically just gave herself a spray-tan and a wig—my god! It’s like she’s disappeared!), the judges thankfully dismissed with the formality and just sent her packing immediately. Look, Megan, I realize your facial prosthetics weren't working (what with your total lack of skill and all), but it would have been more admirable to have presented sub-par prosthetics than to have given up completely. Ridiculous. And the judges knew it. No need for a recommendation, no need for discussion or deliberation, she was the clear loser and everyone knew it. Way to not waste my time, show. Much appreciated. Had you sent her home three weeks ago like she deserved, I’d have been even more impressed, but this works too.

Best Reason to Rewatch Season 2 of True Blood: The only new show that evening is Bones
Yep, I had a brand new episode just sitting there on the DVR, yet I opted to rewatch True Blood instead. The only reason I recorded it in the first place was because of the total lack of anything else, but even that wasn’t enough incentive.

Clearest Indiacation that Someone at Jeopardy is a Batman Fan: The two competitors challenging returning champion Mike were named Harley and Quinn
You have no idea how much this made my day. There's no way that was a coincidence. Those just aren't common enough names. They were even standing in the right order with Harley in the middle and Quinn on the far right. Harley Quinn! Ha! I love it!

**Quotes of the Week**

Library Aide: “I’ve got a signed first edition of Harry Potter.”
Debbie: “Overrated. Made a better movie than a book. And now with all those kid actors grown up, they’re scarier-looking than the villains.”
--Debbie, on Shameless. I assume she was mainly talking about Ron… (Boy, I’m not generally fond of kids on shows, but little 10-year-old Debbie is fantastic.)

“I thought we were supposed to be the scary ones!”
--George, Being Human (UK). No, George, I’m afraid you’re just adorable. Well, most of the time…

“It wasn't always known as White Collar. The series was pitched as Commuted, with the tagline: ‘He ended his sentence with a proposition.’”
--Oh dear lord, that’s fabulous! I don’t love the title Commuted in and of itself, but that tagline cracks me up. The English major within is very, very happy.

Neal: “I haven’t lied to you, Peter. I’m not lying to you now. I didn’t steal the art.”
Peter: “I think you did.”
Neal: “Then prove it. Prove it.”
--Oooh, next season of White Collar is going to be insane, people. Ahhhh!

“Love these ‘Thousands Of Fish Die’ stories. They raise a lot more excitement than our ‘Thousands Of Sudanese Die’ stories.”
--via twitter, courtesy of BrookeAlvarez from The Onion News Network. Gotta love The Onion.

“You’re like the hillbilly whisperer, Raylan.”
--Art noting Raylan’s way with hicks on Justified.