Another year wasted...

I don't often post anything personal on this blog and on the rare occasion that I do, it generally ends in disaster (you remember the Christmas scooter incident, right?). Well, as is customary with the dawning of a new year, and as I've watched about 17 year-in-review type specials over the past two weeks, I've come to reflect on the year that was and the year that is to come.

Enter clinical depression, stage right.

I am not the person I ever expected I would be, and more importantly, the person that I am is a disappointment. [I know writing this kind of crap down is supposed to be all cathartic and cleansing, but I think it's just making me more depressed...and seriously worsening my posture, in an odd and disconcerting twist (of fate and of spine).]

I look at the year that was and my initial reaction is to resolve to change nearly every aspect of my life for the new year:

I resolve to be more in control of my life.

I resolve to be more dynamic and pro-active.

I resolve to do the things that I've always wanted to do.

I resolve to be the person I always thought I would be.

I resolve to smash SC and RD and NA and all the others.

I resolve to become successful at something. Anything.

I resolve to go back to school and actual make something of myself.

I resolve to no longer be afraid of failure (so afraid that I never do anything, ever).

I resolve to finally get a life.

On a related not, I resolve to finally have something to offer at Saturday lunch with the girls (I really am sorry that all I do is soak up your stories and have pretty much none of my own, ladies.)

I resolve to no longer be pathetic and useless.

In short, I resolve to be someone wholly and entirely unlike myself.

You can see where that's not easy to do... Much more disturbing, however, is that this is the same list that I made in my head last year. And the year before that. And the ten or fifteen years before that (I think I was happy right up till about age 9 or so...it's a rough estimate). Point is, it's the same list every year (with the possible exception of who my top three "need to be smashed" candidates are).

Upon realizing (for the dozenth or so time) that each year I resolve to be the person I always wanted to be and I never even come close to succeeding (nor make the slightest gains in that regard), I'm making a new resolution this year that cuts out the middle man and puts me where I'll be a year from now without all the muss and fuss.

I resolve to give up on ever achieving anything now and just accept that this is the way my life is going to be. Oh, and to just deal with it.

Setting goals and having aspirations never got anyone anywhere, right?

Wait, that's not true?

Really?

That's just me?

Oh. Well. That's unnerving...

Fortunately, the new me has resolved not to care. To echo the immortal works of George Lass, "I excel at not giving a shit." I'm a quitter, and I'm just going to own it. I don't have any passions in life that would lead me anything fulfilling, so I'm just going to stop while I'm behind. I'm used to it, so I already know my way around the place. If at first you don't succeed, quit. Ah, pearls of wisdom, where have you been all my life.

Oh, and I also resolve to become a motivational speaker. Eeyore thinks I'm a natural.

(And in case Disney's all-powerful reach wasn't pronounced clearly enough, "Eeyore" did not come up in my spellcheck... which is kind of awesome.)