Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Old People are No Good at EVERYTHING

So I finally got around to voting yesterday. Oy. It was yet another sobering reminder that old people can't be trusted to do anything quickly or effectively. My mother and I stopped by the Centerville Library (which can I just say? For a new library, it's pretty pathetic) for the much lauded "early voting" initiative only to find a line winding its way clear back to the periodicals. Such a line was off-putting to say the least, but I promised Milana I would vote (in spite of the fact that my vote doesn't, never has, and never will actually matter).

The fact that said line was teeming with old people didn't bolster my confidence. The fact that old people were running the whole operation was even less encouraging. If people under 30 were running the joint, I'd have been out of there in 5 minutes. With the barrage of shawls, walkers, canes, and dementia present, however, we were there for over 45 minutes. I kid you not, it took nearly an hour to complete a task that could completed in your sleep (and I think for some of the old folks in attendance, probably was).

If there's one thing old people are really good at, it's figuring out new technology. Yeah, not so much... Seriously, when I finally got the voting area, I took my key card, fired up the terminal, and was done voting in about a minute. Even my mother (whom you may remember from such events as: dragging the mouse to the bottom of the mousepad and then not knowing what to do; trying to access her email account by typing her password into the address line of her browser; asking questions like, "So wait, how are there folders inside the camera?" and "What's a hulu?") managed to figure it out, and as you can clearly see, she has a pretty shady track record with technology. It was really that easy.

Or so I thought.

I'm pretty sure these are the people who were running the operation or at very least, the children of the people in line. I know, I know, they look like veritable paragons of speed and efficiency.


The reasons it took forever and a day to get through the line were fully illuminated in a matter of minutes. Some old guy next to me fumbled around trying to insert the access card into every nook and cranny of the terminal until he finally asked the lady for help, another guy basically strong-armed the proctor lady into voting for him, and some old woman may as well have hosted a knitting seminar in the time it took her to cast a ballot. Oy.

Anyway, I finally voted. The only two resolutions that I cared about (the zoo and the aviary) apparently don't apply to my district, so I didn't even get to vote on those. My vote for president doesn't actually matter in this state (thank you ridiculous electoral college), but at least I can cancel out the vote of some gun-toting, Hummer-driving conservative, so that's a plus. :)

Good luck with your own voting endeavors. I recommend you spend some time (read: several excruciating hours) at the senior center in preparation for your trip. BYOD (Bring your own defibrillator).

Monday, October 27, 2008

Google Image Search Tag

I saw this tag on someone else's blog and it actually looked kind of fun. Henceforth, here I go. The rules are, Google (image) each of the following items, pick your favorite photo from the first two pages of results:

1. First Name (Guy Fawkes is welcome to endorse me any day.)
2. Last Name
3. Bad Habit

4. What I did over the weekend... (god, how I wish this were an accurate representation...)

5. Grandmother's Name


6. Past Pet
7. First Job (you'd think it was "leathery fisherman," but shockingly, it wasn't...)

8. Dream Job (which is apparently chimney sweep... who knew?)

9. Age

10. Where you grew up… (it's, uh, lovely this time of year...)
10. Past Love (I likes 'em old and swarthy...)

11. Best Friend’s Nickname
12. Favorite place to be...

13. If I went back to school, I’d become…

14. I love to visit…

15. Favorite color

16. Favorite food 17. Your hero (heh, this is a still from the Crossfire episode--awesome)Oh yeah, I'm supposed to tag people... Umm, all those who are bored at work or are currently unemployed, have at...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Get out of my head!!!

Yeah, so that episode of Seinfeld was on the other day with George's answering machine message, so for the better part of the week, I've been stuck on this (thanks a lot, Seinfeld):



Not that that's the worst thing in the world to be stuck on (see below), but seriously, it just won't stop! And now I'm guessing you're in a similar boat. Muahahaha! What can I say? Misery actually does love company.

And, in an even more sadistic turn of events, if George's answering machine message wasn't enough to get stuck in your head, here are some other brain-sticky options:

Here's a classic for you:


And the even more insidiously catchy version:


And in case you're looking for something a little less wholesome to get stuck in your head (spontaneously naked Dumbledore notwithstanding), here are a couple of non-G-Rated options (you’ve been warned):

Sarah Silverman's NOT G-Rated Music Video:


Jimmie Kimmel's also NOT G-Rated Response:


If I have to suffer with something stuck in my head, then so does everybody else!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Dead or Alive

Hey peeps. It's that time of year again. The time when all the new pilots (or in the case of this season, just about everything) is on the chopping block and shows are desperate to get the green light for a full-season pick-up. There have been many disturbing developments on this front already, but it's the what-ifs that are the real cause for concern. Here's how shows are stacking up so far:

FULL SEASON PICK-UPS:
  • CHUCK: In spite of lower than expected (and much lower than deserved) ratings, NBC gave Chuck a full season pick-up even before the first episode aired. It's a great show and NBC is sticking with it. Good for you, NBC. It really is one of the best shows that people aren't watching, so if you're one of those people, get your ass in gear and give Chuck a shot. It's a show that takes no effort and provides a lot of entertainment. If the world is getting you down (read: stock market), try zoning out with Chuck on Mondays at 7 pm.

  • KNIGHT RIDER: Yeah, I don't think anyone saw this coming... In a much less laudable move on NBC's part, the unbelievable crap pile that is Knight Rider got picked up. In case anyone was unsure of the end of the world, move over global warming, we have a new horseman in town... and his name is KITT. Oy.

  • DEXTER: Oh, Dexter, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways... Okay, that would take too long. Suffice it to say, Dexter is well deserving of the 4th and 5th seasons that have just been greenlit.

  • 90210: Blah. Meh. Yawn. But, when you're on the CW, apparently those are the least of your worries. Full season it is!

  • FRINGE: While it isn't quite the appointment TV I expected it would be, it's a fine DVR staple and I'm glad it's sticking around. It really has gotten much better since the pilot and I'm hopeful it will continue to improve. It's still no X-Files, but it makes for a decent Saturday afternoon show.

  • TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHONICLES: In a rather bold move for the Fox network, Terminator was given the back nine in spite of tumbling ratings. There are some new powers that be over at Fox and apparently they're trying to be less douche-baggy than past higher-ups. I don't actually watch this show, but it has River in it, so I'm pleased to hear that it's sticking around.

  • MAD MEN: I hear it's good, but I don't watch it. It has another Firefly alum, however, so good for you, show.

  • THE MENTALIST: As I've mentioned before on this blog, it's actually a fairly decent show. It's not in my top tier, but it's a decent DVR option. The real moral of the story? Just when you think 80% is the most procedural programming a network can have, CBS ups it to 85%. And all the gore-lovin' fiends out the there rejoice (Mom, I'm looking in your direction).

  • MY BOYS: It's fine, I suppose. And it'll be back in early 2009, I'm hearing, so yay, I guess.

  • FLASHPOINT: This came as quite a surprise, I must say. This show kind of came out of nowhere and did fairly well. I only watched the pilot because Keith Mars was in it, so I don't have too much of an opinion. I'm not sure the Keith Mars-iness can undo the Pink Ranger-iness of the show, so I'm ambivalent...

  • SONS OF ANARCHY: I have no opinion on this one. Um, yay for anarchy! Ammon would be so pleased... or something.

  • BURN NOTICE: Yay! The second half of the current season will air in the next few months (January, methinks) and the show has been greenlit for another season after that. I only added this show to my rotation this year, and have been quite pleased. You can watch the entire first season on Hulu, if you're interested.

  • PSYCH: Another USA network staple and a similar situation to Burn Notice (as far as airing goes). This is a fun show that doesn't require a whole lot of commitment, so I'm happy it'll be back.

  • GOSSIP GIRL: This isn't a new show and was never in any danger of cancellation, but I have information that doesn't fit into any of my categories. The CW has ordered 2 additional scripts for this season, so that brings the total up to 24. Yeehaw! Oh, and just a little teaser, there's a big death coming up that will really rattle the show. I'm so excited!

MORE EPISODES ORDERED, BUT NO FULL PICK-UP YET:

  • PRIVILEGED: Never seen it, but I hear it's actually pretty decent. I'd much rather it survive than 90210, but I'm not CW exec, so what do I know.
  • MEDIUM: Yep, it'll be back: the whininess, the erratic behavior, the annoying blond children, the annoying blond Patricia Arquette, and more!
  • ELI STONE: This is really seeming to be one of the few shows that didn't get completely clobbered by the strike. It didn't really turn into a favorite of mine, but everyone loves Johnny Lee Miller and Jack Bristow, so I have confidence it'll get a full pick-up soon enough.

ON THE BUBBLE/NO DECISION EITHER WAY:

  • LIFE: No official word yet on this one. I love this show and I would seriously hate to see it go. The ratings haven't been spectacular, but given its Friday night death slot, I think it's holding on rather admirably. NBC doesn't have a whole lot going for it (My Own Worst Enemy lost more than the usual share of viewers week-to-week), so I think this little gem will squeak through.

  • PUSHING DAISIES: There's definitely reason for concern, but I'm hopeful. After garnering a surprising 12 Emmy nominations after only 9 episodes had aired, I'm hopeful ABC will see this show as an investment. Plus, it's in a pretty crowded timeslot, so it's amazing it's held on as well as it has. Last week's ratings were up by 17 percent, I believe, so here's hoping that trend continues.

  • DIRTY SEXY MONEY: As with just about every other show cut short by the strike, DSM took a hit in the ratings department, but I think it's going to survive. I sure as hell hope so. I need Brian and Jeremy Darling in my life, plain and simple.

  • ELEVENTH HOUR: It's an okay show, and it's looking more and more like Marc Blucas won't actually be in it, so that's good. The ratings from the premiere to the second episode actually increased, so I'm wagering it'll get a full pick-up. Throw another procedural on the barbie...

  • KATH & KIM: If humanity knows what's good for it, this abomination will be yanked from the air as soon as possible. Wow. The ratings aren't horrible, but they're sliding. Here's hoping they keep sliding.
  • LIFE ON MARS: It's a pretty decent remake of a British show. It's a cop drama, and I'm not really in to cop dramas, however, so I'm not keeping up with this one. The ratings dipped from the premiere, but not catastrophically and the critics love it, so I think it'll survive.

DEAD AS A DEAD DEAD:

  • DO NOT DISTURB: It died. Now let's never talk of it again.

  • THE RICHES: This one was kind of a shame. I only caught a couple of episodes, but it seemed like a pretty good show, Minnie Driver's wandering accent notwithstanding...

  • OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS: I don't even know what this was. Reality something or other? Yeah, it won't be missed...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Kenliaga? Alexander McKenley? It's a toss up...

So the fifth season of Project Runway concluded last night and the obvious winner won, obviously. Okay, given Project Runway's history, the winner wasn't that clear-cut. We all remember that pathetic, no-talent, arrogant jackass Jeff winning two seasons back, right? And Wendy Pepper beating out our beloved Austin go to fashion week? Well, this season had the most ridiculous and egregious judging to date, so when it came down to the final runway show, the obvious winner was Leanne, but the way this season played out, I could see them sneaking Suede back into the mix in some crazy final episode twist or something. (Speaking of Suede, if you want to see some seriously painful "fashion," go check out his runway show. Wow, who knew fluorescent pink ties could make such a fetching skirt? Rainbow Bright and Cindy Lauper must be simply beside themselves.)

Anyway, I was pleased to see Leanne walk away with the prize, but I was mostly pleased to see this dismal season put out of its misery. The challenges were uninspired and unoriginal, the designs were pretty underwhelming and downright pathetic most of the time, and the designers themselves left much to be desired. Blayne should have been ousted after the first challenge--wait, strike that, he never should have made it on the show in the first place. Well, now that I think about it, it was unfair to single out Blayne in such a way given that such statements can be applied to half the cast. Oy, it was a long season. It made Season 3 look positively brilliant by comparison.

Anyway, it all came down to Leanne, Korto, and the hideous bitch goddess Kenley. I really enjoyed Leanne's collection and thought it was very modern and original. Korto's collection was fine, but predictable. And then there's Kenley "I wasn't going for elegant, Heidi!" Collins. Yep, still as bitchy as ever. Although if you see her in any interviews, apparently in Kenley's Rules of English, she's just "real." If "real" is equivalent to "bitchy," then she's the most authentic, truest soul alive. Oh, Kenley. No wonder you didn't have any friends growing up. And still don't have any... When you laugh at the people you call your friends on the runway, they probably aren't going to be your friends much longer. Although if Kenley's Rules of English are being applied again, maybe when she says "friends," she actually means, "people who don't actively set me on fire."

Anyway, the judges actually made the right call last night, but not without controversy. Their main concerns with Kenley's collection were that several of the pieces looked like knock-offs of other designs. Having looked at the comparators, I have to agree... In addition to a couple of other looks that were supposedly copied (apparently her bridesmaid dress was a copycat as well), the two below were the main bones of contention. You be the judge.

Kenley's wedding gown (at left) and Alexander McQueen's gown (at right):


And Kenley's hideous-no-matter-whom-she-copied floral nightmare (at right) and a Balenciaga creation (at left):

Friday, October 10, 2008

Is Pushing Daisies pushing up daisies?

I've been receiving more than a few concerned questions about the fate of Pushing Daisies. As many of you are aware, the ratings have been pretty disappointing thus far. I have posited my theories about whether or not it's times to worry, but I will let TV Guide's Matt Roush take the reins on this one. Matt Roush is one of my favorite columnists, so I would definitely recommend checking out his column at the link above.

QUESTION: I'm devastated, but not necessarily surprised, by the early ratings for Pushing Daisies. I thought it was risky of ABC to leave a show this fragile and unique off the air for so long and expect viewers to flock to its return. When I saw the ratings for Chuck, I knew that Pushing Daisies would get similar ratings because of their similar programming history. My question is three-fold. ABC promised a splashy "re-launch" for their Wednesday shows, but other than the normal promotion that goes into their fall marketing campaigns, I saw nothing overly unusual about how they promoted these shows. Yes, there were ads during ABC's higher-rated shows, but there were ads for everything else, too. Second, why didn't they release the Season 1 DVD sooner than a week prior to Season 2's premiere? Does the network have a say in when the DVD is released? Even if it was by a month, it would have allowed more viewers to see the show, especially those using Netflix (which is becoming an increasingly influential avenue to view television shows on DVD for those that don't want to shell out the cash to purchase them). Third, I know the networks have been shying away from programming low-rated repeats in the summer, but would nine repeat episodes of Pushing Daisies really have been that much lower than ratings disasters like High School Musical: Get in the Picture? Even if it would have added a million viewers to the Season 2 premiere, it could have been worth it. It's sad that something this unique, this creative and this original just can't "click" with a general public that would rather wallow in dreck like Criminal Minds, but my hope is that the demos are decent enough that it will make it through at least 12 episodes and give us fans a proper, affectionate sign-off. — Andrew M.

MATT ROUSH: Let's not suggest the show be pushing up daisies just yet, though the opening numbers were dismaying. I can only hope ABC won't let this delightful show go down without a fight (the same argument I've been adopting lately for Fox's struggling Terminator series). But I agree the out-of-sight, out-of-mind argument has been devastating for this show in particular. Couldn't ABC have even struck a deal with its cable offshoot ABC Family to rerun the show between seasons, even in a marathon format? (Complicating matters, possibly, is the fact that the show is produced by Warner Bros., not Disney.) Can't really comment on DVD timing issues — not my specialty — but there's a school of thought that releasing the DVD set shortly before premiere is a good promotional tool, though I agree with you that having it available earlier might have whetted the appetite. But regardless of what did or didn't happen to promote the show, the reality is that Pushing Daisies is an almost overwhelmingly distinctive show that isn't going to be to everyone's tastes. (In other words, the opposite of mainstream, which is why it's likely to struggle in a world where CBS crime dramas dominate on nearly every night.) Given its early time period, where it's being asked to jump-start a night of relatively new programming — new in the sense these shows have been off the air for nine months — Daisies is a risk, and ABC knows it. The network also knows it's a very special property, and if the Emmy attention Daisies got matters at all (I hope it does; why else do those awards matter?), then let's hope the network will be patient until after the political and baseball seasons wrap up and we get a true lay of the prime-time landscape.

QUESTION: I was thrilled to watch last Wednesday's premiere of Pushing Daisies. It encompassed everything I love so much about the show: the beautiful writing, the witty wordplay, the colorful characters, sets and plotlines, the wonderful twists and brilliant invention. But the next day, I was quite upset and disturbed to hear about how low its ratings were. I know that practically all the new shows with strike-shortened seasons last year have been experiencing ratings drops, and I was wondering whether there's any need to be concerned yet about any of these shows' futures (Pushing Daisies and Chuck, in particular). Or, do you think the networks will have taken this viewership drop-off into account as an effect of the long hiatuses these new shows have had and give them further leeway, for a time at least. — Robert

MATT ROUSH: Leeway is the word. As most already know, Chuck was given a full-season order even before the show returned — a blessing given the disappointing numbers it has posted so far this season. This was a creative decision, one I applaud, that acknowledges the quality of the show regardless of how it will perform in one of the week's most difficult and overcrowded time periods. Pushing Daisies is in a similar situation, airing at an early time (albeit against generally weaker competition) and with the handicap of being both offbeat and off the air for too long. Despite what you might think, the network heads aren't dummies and they understand the challenges. Which doesn't mean they're not disappointed in how the sophomore class is currently underperforming, but it's early days still, and it's not like they have a lot of back-up options right now.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

It just gets worse and worse...



Not only is Sarah Palin a moron (and is she EVER), she has no respect for the rights of others and even her running-mate's positions. She must be stopped, people. Frightening.

AND, if you want to see what Sarah "I'll like to use a lifeline" Palin would have named you if you were unlucky (we're talking devastatingly so) enough to be in her brood, go HERE for the Sarah Palin's Offspring Name Generator.

I would have been Gripper Carom Palin.

Wow, I never thought I'd appreciate my real name and family origins so very, very much.

Oh, and Ann, my dear, you'd be Puck Mule Palin. Ha! It's okay, Lisa R. would have been Pump Bust Palin and Blair would have been Cheney Locomotive Palin. Hehehe... ;)