ABC Pilots: Volume 1

I was all gung-ho to get all the new network pilots reviewed for this here blog, but then NBC decided they'd wage a war of attrition by picking up... well, basically they're an entirely new network. Never, in all my days, have I seen so many new pilots for one network. Don't get me wrong, the reign of terror implemented by Jeff Zucker (what I affectionately refer to as a "clusterzuck") essentially decimated the network, prompting the complete overhaul, but this all begs the question, where did they get this kind of money?! Seriously, the network was ailing before they decided to shell out millions of dollars in development. Well, however it happened, it wore me out. As such, it's only now, with barely a month to go before premiere week, that I finally move on to ABC.

Oh, ABC... They're a bit more subversive about their implosion, but show for show, they're in almost as much trouble as NBC. Once again, they've picked up a hell of a lot of pilots and forked over obscene amounts of cash. Suffice it to say, both these networks need some major hits to come out of this fall's slate of pilots. The fate of each network (or at least the suits in charge of this mess) may very well depend on it. Seriously, last season was a disaster. With the exception of Modern Family, nearly their entire slate got canceled, or should have. If ABC had more going for it, V wouldn't be come back and neither would The Middle. They can't afford to have another season turn out like that, so they've picked up a lot of shows (rather expensive shows) and are promoting the hell out of them. Some appear to have some promise. Others? Not so much... At present, their established shows are a little too established (i.e. they're getting a little long in the tooth... that is, to say, they're OLD), so they're banking on some new blood. They pretty much have to at this point.

Here is the tentative ABC schedule for this fall (please bear in mind that this list is subject to change--and quite frankly, it's been months since this list was first compiled, so it might have errors already):

MONDAY
7 p.m. Dancing with the Stars
9 p.m. Castle

TUESDAY
7 p.m. No Ordinary Family (new)
8 p.m. Dancing with the Stars Results Show
9 p.m. Detroit 1-8-7 (new)

WEDNESDAY
7 p.m. The Middle
7:30 p.m. Better Together (new)
8 p.m. Modern Family
8:30 p.m. Cougar Town
9 p.m. The Whole Truth (new)

THURSDAY
7 p.m. My Generation (new)
8 p.m. Grey's Anatomy
9 p.m. Private Practice

FRIDAY
7 p.m. Secret Millionaire (new)
8 p.m. Body of Proof (new)
9 p.m. 20/20

SUNDAY
6 p.m. America's Funniest Home Videos
7 p.m. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
8 p.m. Desperate Housewives
9 p.m. Brothers & Sisters

There are other new shows which will be reviewed here, but I assume they'll be premiering at midseason. Or, depending on how well these ones do, they could premiere earlier than that... The suits at ABC are already shaking in their boots and hoping to hell that isn't the case. Heh.

Anyway, as per my arbitrary usual, we'll start off with the dramas.


BODY OF PROOF

Description: Stars Dana Delany as Dr. Megan Hunt, Jeri Ryan as Dr. Kate Murphy, Geoffrey Arend as Dr. Elliot Gross, John Carroll Lynch as Detective Bud Morris, Windell Middlebrooks as Dr. Curtis Brumfield, Nic Bishop as Peter Dunlap and Sonja Sohn as Detective Samantha Baker. Christopher Murphey wrote the pilot, which was directed by Nelson McCormick.



My Take: First thought? Ugh. As much as I’d like to believe that this is a searing character piece about a woman trying to start over, I think we can safely assume it’s actually a crime procedural dressed up as an actual drama. Dana Delany is a power-player who can absolutely anchor a show, but I find myself wishing she were at the helm of something else. Based solely on the trailer, it’s hard to tell just what proportions of the show will be drama and procedural. If this were CBS, I’d err on the side of lots of procedural, very little everything else, but this is ABC, so it’s a tough call. They’ve been trying to tap into this woefully overdone genre for ages, but with very little success. Off the bat, I’d say the procedural elements seem pretty generic, and for as much as I enjoy Delaney, the drama elements seem pretty bland to boot. ABC hasn’t really been delivering quality drama on its dramas lately, so the odds of them delivering in an overdone story like this are slim. Overzealous neurosurgeon ruins relationship with child then has life-changing event (a car accident) that causes said doctor to reevaluate life. Been there, done that. Only in more compelling ways (you know, with the adorably moody Ephram Brown on hand). This show is already making me miss Everwood. Long story short, this looks pretty hackneyed and uninspired. If anyone could make this more than your typical crime procedural, it’s Delaney, but I’m less than confident that she can make that happen. Truth be told, even if this is considerably more drama laden than it looks, it’s not the kind of concept that has me chomping at the bit. Delaney deserves better, and the viewer audience at large deserves fewer procedurals on the docket. People seem to love this procedural crap, however, so this one might just have a chance. The sexy medical examiner (a la Rizzoli & Isles, and to a certain extent, Castle) seems to be the latest trend these days… for completely unknown reasons. Ugh.


DETROIT 1-8-7

Description: Stars Michael Imperioli (“The Sopranos”) as Detective Louis Fitch, Jon Michael Hill as Detective Damon Washington, James McDaniel (“NYPD Blue”) as Sergeant Jesse Longford, Aisha Hinds (“True Blood”) as Lieutenant Maureen Mason, Natalie Martinez as Detective Ariana Sanchez, D.J. Cotrona as Detective John Stone and Shaun Majumder as Detective Aman Mahajan.



My Take: In case Body of Proof just didn’t manage to plumb the depths of overdone genres enough, ABC has also decided to take on a cop show. Sigh. This seems pretty standard as well, but there were little elements of the trailer that pointed to something more unique. They’re taking the angle that there’s simply so much crime and murder in Detroit that the good guys are simply trying to stem the tide because there’s no conceivable way to actually stop the violence. The fact that they take a very matter-of-fact approach to such a horrific problem has a certain quirky appeal, but I think it was primarily a reaction to being on network TV. When they were looking for a shell casing on the street was probably the best aspect of the trailer for me. “I think I’ve got it! Oh, nope, it’s a .45.” Heh. I couldn’t help but to smile. I’m hoping they find a way to make this genre new and fresh, but I’m pretty sure at this point, even all the trappings in the world couldn’t make it truly special. After watching The Wire, I’m supremely confident that for a cop drama to really be as gritty as writers want it to be, it needs to be on HBO or Showtime. Even basic cable would have a hard time doing it justice, but network TV? I’m not holding my breath. I have a sinking feeling that they wanted this to be a realistic, hard-hitting, brutal look at one of the roughest cities in the country, but that it had to be sanitized and watered-down for the general public. The “cop show” has never been very high on my list, but it has been infiltrating my schedule more and more lately. Will Detroit 1-8-7 continue the trend? I seriously doubt it. I’ll give it a shot, but suspect the pilot will be the only episode I’ll ever see.


MY GENERATION

Description: Stars Michael Stahl David as Steven, Kelli Garner as Dawn, Jaime King as Jacqueline, Keir O’Donnell as Kenneth, Sebastian Sozzi as Falcon, Mechad Brooks as Rolly, Anne Son as Caroline, Daniella Alonso as Brenda and Julian Morris as Anders. Created and written by Noah Hawley (“The Unusuals,” “Bones”), who is also an executive producer, along with Warren Littlefield, Henrik Bastin, Patrick Magnasson and Martin Piersson.



My Take: In theory, this show should speak to me and my peers more than just about any other demographic. I graduated in 2001, so this pseudo-docu-soap should tap into my sensibilities on a fundamental level… and yet? Not so much. I don’t know, this trailer was really more of a behind-the-scenes look than anything else, so it’s hard to tell exactly what the show itself will look like, but from what clips they did show us, it looks pretty damn sappy. Have you chased your dreams? Faced your fears? Gag me. If they present it as a straight up narrative about people who just so happen to be this age, that could fine, but I have a sneaking suspicion this is a platform for the writers to send a heavy-handed message. Call me crazy, but I’m not so much a fan of the ham-fisted soap-boxing, thanks… I want to give them a little credit for at least trying to come up with a basic conceit that’s a little different, but at the end of the day, they’ve simply picked a few handfuls of clichés out of a bag and put them all in the same show. The jock, the rich kid, the overachiever, the good girl, we get it. We get it a lot, in fact. I realize that they’ve constructed the show around high school clichés (and what clichés those clichés turn into), but that doesn’t make them any less generic. There were a couple of elements of the trailer that had me mildly interested, but by and large, this doesn’t strike me as a keeper. The only way this is really going to work is if they’ve hired some actors who can turn those standard one-dimensional characters and make turn them into something really special. I have serious doubts, but with a considerable amount of luck, this might be something worth watching. Chronologically speaking, I kind of feel like it’s my duty to watch it, so here’s hoping it’s better than it looks. To its credit, it was created by the same guy behind The Unusuals, which happens to be a show that turned out to be just that. Better than it looked.


NO ORDINARY FAMILY

Description: Michael Chiklis (“The Shield”) stars as Jim Powell, Julie Benz (“Dexter”) as Stephanie Powell, Romany Malco (“The 40-Year-Old Virgin”) as George St. Cloud, Tate Donovan (“Damages”) as Mitch McCutcheon, Autumn Reeser as Katie Andrews, Christina Chang as Yvonne Cho, Kay Panabaker as Daphne Powell and Jimmy Bennett as JJ Powell. The pilot was written and executive-produced by Jon Feldman. The series is executive-produced by Feldman, Greg Berlanti, Morgan Wandell and David Semel, who also directed the pilot.



My Take: I’ve heard pretty good things about this one on the web, and I want to be excited for it, but I’m apprehensive. It’s the kind of concept that has to be handled in just the right way or it could be disastrous. On its face, a show about a family of superheroes sounds like carefree fun. Those associated with it keep saying that it is NOT The Incredibles, but first off, yeah, actually, it kind of is, but secondly, only not as good. I think I’d be a lot more excited about it if it were animated… you know, because then it wouldn’t have Michael Chiklis or Julie Benz at the helm. I honestly never watched much of The Shield and that has a lot to do with how unappealing Chiklis is. Aside from being difficult to look at, his overall manner and acting style are off-putting. He isn’t someone who would have me excited for a show simply because he’s in it (I’m not going to lie, the primary reason I’ve been watching Criminal Minds is that Matthew Gray Gubler is simply beautiful). Then there’s Julie Benz. I’ve hated most of her past characters (even the ones the audience wasn’t supposed to hate), so I have to assume it has something to do with her. She’s a fine actress, and I suppose she’s just doing what is asked of her, but for whatever reason, I generally hate her. I really hope her newest incarnation is nothing like her previous roles, because frankly, Darla redux? Rita 2.0? No thanks. Aside from disconcerting casting decisions, this one looks like it could be a lot of fun. If handled in just the right way, I think this show could do for the superhero genre what Chuck did for the spy-thriller. A more light-hearted, carefree approach could work incredibly well... I’m not totally sure how they’d make this work in the long term, but presumably, they should be able to bank a least a season or two of quality. Here's hoping. I mean really, how bad could it be? It can’t possibly follow the same trajectory as Heroes, right...? Right?!