CW Pilots: Both of them!

Oh, CW. Cute, adorable, not-quite-a-network, CW. For all the CW's foibles, and let's face it, there are a lot, the mere fact that I only have two new pilots to review for it makes up for a lot.

With only two offerings, you'd assume they'd both be good, but, well, then I screened the trailer for Hellcats... Wow... Fortunately, their other new venture looks pretty promising, so technically they're batting 50-50, which is actually a better ratio than most... Way to swing for the fences, CW. (Geez,what's with the baseball idioms? That is baseball, right...?)

Anyway, here's how the CW's fall line-up is stacking up so far. At this point, the Vampire Diaries is the only show on the network that I watch, so here's hoping Nikita lives up to expectations. What happened to my Gossip Girl adoration, you ask? Season three. I honestly still have 8 1/2 episodes saved on my DVR, but I just can't bring myself to finish them, so I'm calling this break-up official. Such a shame. The first two seasons were completely awesome, but the third... well... yeah... The Vampire Diaries, by contrast is shaping up to be stronger than ever. Seriously, have you seen the [SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't watched season 1--seriously DO NOT WATCH if you haven't seen the entire season yet, Annie] new promo?! Oh my god, I'm excited! Next week! It really turned out to be oh-so-much-more than a stupid tween vampire love story. Highly recommended.

Anyway, back on track, here's the schedule:

MONDAY
7 pm 90210
8 pm Gossip Girl

TUESDAY
7 pm One Tree Hill
8 pm Life Unexpected

WEDNESDAY
7 pm America's Next Top Model
8 pm Hellcats (new)

THURSDAY
7 pm The Vampire Diaries
8 pm Nikita (new)

FRIDAY
7 pm Smallville
8 pm Supernatural

We'll start with the bad news first... Ugh, I watched this trailer months ago and I can't believe I'm about to watch it again. It's all out of love for you, gentle readers, not the show...


HELLCATS

Description: Stars Alyson Michalka, Ashley Tisdale (of High School Musical infamy), Heather Hemmens, Robbie Jones, and a bunch of other people I've never heard of. From executive producers Kevin Murphy (“Desperate Housewives”), Tom Welling (“Smallville”) and Allan Arkush (“Heroes,” “Crossing Jordan”). The pilot was directed by Allan Arkush.



That was just a commercial for it and yet, I'm guessing most people have already seen enough. For an excruciating, two-minute clip from the pilot, go here. Embedding has been disabled, because, you know, this is the kind of quality content that the CW is going to want to protect...

My Take: Well, I already used the adjective "excruciating," so where does one go from there? Oh my god, this looks awful. The collection of people comprising the creative team is absolutely dumfoudning. Never would I have put this collection of people together and never would I have thought that such a collection would come up with something like this. The basic premise is tired and overdone (I think we settled on 11 sequels to Bring It On before they finally called it quits) and only worked with the first Bring It On because it was largely mocking. "Cheerleaders are dancers... who've gone retarded..." Classic. This mess? Not so much. Oh good god, seriously, I barely made it through that two minute clip linked prior. "Cringe-worthy" doesn't do it justice. I felt completely embarrassed for everyone on the screen and just kept glancing at the time bar to see how much longer I had to suffer. In case this was just too subtle, this looks to be one of the worst pilots of the season, if not all eternity. I don't know that I'll even be able to bring myself to screen the pilot. It's not even painful in a hilarious, this-is-so-bad-it's-a-blast-to-make-fun-of kind of way. It's just bad. And is yet another in the long line of shows over the past decade that seem hell-bent on making frivolous bitches the societal ideal. Don't get me wrong, when done right, that can be a lot of guilty fun, but here? I have the unrelenting sensation to set things on fire. PASS.


NIKITA

Description: Stars Maggie Q (Mission Impossible III), Lyndsy Fonseca (she plays the daughter of Narrator Ted on How I Met Your Mother), Shane West (ER), Aaron Stanford, Ashton Holmes, and Tiffany Hines. From executive producers Craig Silverstein (“Bones,” “K-Ville”), Danny Cannon (“CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,” “Chuck”), McG (“Supernatural,” “Chuck,” “The O.C.,” “Charlie’s Angels”), and Peter Johnson (“Supernatural,” “Chuck”). The pilot was directed by Danny Cannon.



My Take: Color me intrigued. Granted, it has more than a few Alias-style overtones (good hell, the murdered lover's name is Daniel... again), but I loved Alias, so I say bring it. I'm not too familiar with previous iterations of La Femme Nikita, however, so odds are, Alias stole most of its trump cards in the first place. Provenance aside, this looks pretty slick and sexy and I'm totally on board. I love a good game of cat and mouse and when it's on the scale of a spy-thriller, I'm even more intrigued. I'm not all that familiar with Maggie Q, but from the trailer alone, I'm already buying her as the deadly Nikita. She has tremendous presence onscreen and looks more than capable of anchoring such a demanding show. The supporting cast looks equally strong, and was that Melinda Clarke I spied? Excellent. It was easy to track down the executive producers on the show, but singling out a showrunner has proved more difficult. All signs point to a solid creative team, however, so I'm confident they can pull off the difficult move from a film to a series. All the same, it'll be interesting to see what they do with this story season to season because the basic conceit seems untenable over the long-run. The fact that I'm already thinking about future seasons, however, is a very good sign. If I had to choose a genre that I'd be happy to have more entrants, the spy thriller would definitely win out over lawyer shows, cop shows, and medical dramas, so I say, bring it on. Although, I am a little afraid that they're all starting to bleed together a bit in my mind. While watching the pilot, I could hear Michael Westen in my head saying, "In a fight, you have to be careful not to break the little bones in your hand on someone's face. That's why I like bathrooms... lots of hard surfaces." Way to watch TV and use it to your advantage, Nikita. Long story short, this one looks like it could have some serious potential. Count me in.